For more information (and FREE resources) on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Taking things personally can really mess with your emotions. When someone criticises or snaps at you, it might feel like a personal attack, but it's usually more about their own stress.

This episode dives deep into how to stop letting others' words control your feelings. Listeners will learn practical strategies for handling criticism, staying calm, and asking questions to connect instead of react.

By shifting your mindset, you can reduce stress and improve your relationships, all while taking back control over your emotions.

Key Takeaways:

• Most criticism directed at you is often a reflection of the other person's issues.
• When faced with criticism, pause and ask if there's something to learn from it.
• Your emotional reactions can take away your power; control how you respond instead.
• Asking questions can turn potential conflicts into opportunities for better understanding.
• Taking things personally leads to unnecessary stress; shift your mindset to improve relationships.
• It's an ongoing journey to not take things personally; practice is essential for growth.

Links referenced in this episode:

For more information (and FREE resources) on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

For a FREE training on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com/training/.

For Alastair's comprehensive anger management program, The Complete Anger Management System, visit angersecrets.com/course.

Imagine you're having a great day.

You wake up feeling good, get through your morning without a hitch, and then bam.

Someone makes a comment that completely derails your mood.

Maybe it's your partner saying you never listen to me.

Maybe it's your boss nitpicking your work.

Maybe it's a friend making a sarcastic remark that cuts too deep.

And just like that, your emotions spiral, your heart pounds, your mind races, and you're caught in a cycle of frustration, resentment, or full blown anger before you know it.

Sound familiar?

Here's the hard when you take things personally, you hand over control of your emotions to everyone else.

You let their words dictate your mood, their frustrations shape your self worth, and their bad day becomes your bad day.

But what if I told you that you don't have to live this way?

In this episode, I'll teach you the exact mindset shift that can help you break free from this emotional rollercoaster.

You'll learn how to stop reacting, start responding, and finally take control of your emotions.

No matter what anyone else says or does.

This episode could change the way you handle conflict forever.

Let's dive in.

Hello and welcome to episode 17 of the Anger Management Podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Dews.

Over the last 30 years, I've taught over 15,000 men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more loving relationships.

In this podcast, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help people control their anger, master their emotions, and live calmer, happier, and more peaceful lives.

Today, I've asked my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, to discuss a topic that will resonate with many of our listeners.

The secret to never taking things personally again.

Make sure you stick around to the end of the episode where I'll summarize Jake and Sarah's conversation and tell you how to control your anger once and for all.

With that said, let's get started into today's Deep Dive conversation.

Hey everyone, and welcome back for another Deep Dive.

Today we're going to be talking about something that I think everyone struggles with from time to time, and that is not taking things personally.

Yeah.

Have you ever felt like, you know, your buttons are being pushed too easily or maybe, you know, someone said something to you and you just get so angry?

Yeah.

You know, maybe it was a partner or a colleague.

Right.

But you just felt like that sent your anger skyrocketing?

Absolutely.

Well, you're not alone.

That's a very common experience.

And in this deep dive, we're gonna be exploring some insights to help you stay calm.

Yeah.

And really detach in those heated situations.

It's so interesting how we often react as if everything is directed at us.

Right.

Like a personal attack.

Like we're wearing these egocentric glasses, you know, that just distort our perception.

What if we could take those glasses off and see things a little more objectively?

Okay.

I'm intrigued already.

So how do we do that?

Like, I know it's easy to say, don't take it personally, but when you're in the heat of the moment, that's a whole different story.

Absolutely.

And one really helpful approach is to remember that it's often not about you at all.

You know, think about it.

When someone's stressed or having a bad day, their negativity might stell over.

Yeah.

But it's not necessarily aimed at you specifically.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

I can think of so many times where maybe I'm trying to have a conversation with my partner.

They've had a crazy day at work.

They're exhausted, maybe a little snappy, and I'm suddenly feeling like I'm walking on eggshells.

That's a perfect example.

You know, in those moments, instead of immediately getting defensive, try shifting your perspective a little bit.

Ask yourself what might be going on in their world right now.

Maybe they had a terrible meeting or got stuck in traffic.

Right.

Or just feeling overwhelmed.

Their reaction might have very little to do with you personally.

So instead of taking their words as this, like, attack, we can try to see it as just them having a tough time.

Exactly.

It's about detaching your ego from the situation.

Okay.

And recognizing that their behavior is likely a symptom of something else entirely.

Okay, but what about those times where it does feel like a deliberate attack?

How do we know if we're overreacting or if someone is genuinely trying to hurt us?

That's a great question.

And it requires some honest self reflection.

When you feel hurt or attacked, try asking yourself, is there any truth to what they're saying, even a tiny bit?

We all have blind spots, so their words might be highlighting an area where we can grow.

I'm cringing a little bit because I know that's sometimes the hardest part.

Admitting we might be contributing to the problem.

It's definitely not easy.

But if we can be honest with ourselves and acknowledge even a small grain of truth in the criticism, it can actually be incredibly empowering.

Okay, so it's not just getting defensive and shutting down, but we can actually use the feedback as fuel for personal growth.

Exactly.

It's like transforming that criticism from a weapon into a tool.

Hmm.

I like that reframing.

But what if you genuinely believe the criticism is completely off base?

Like it's just flat out wrong or unfair?

Then it's time to shift gears a bit instead of getting caught in a defensive battle.

Okay.

Try asking for clarification.

It's not about conceding defeat, but rather seeking understanding.

You might say I'm a bit confused by what you said.

Can you give me a specific example?

That's such a simple but powerful strategy.

Right?

It takes the heat out of the moment and opens the door for a more productive conversation.

You might discover they had a valid point but just communicated it poorly.

Right.

Or maybe.

Maybe there's been a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up.

Exactly.

So basically, we're choosing curiosity over conflict.

I like it.

It feels like we're starting to build this toolbox for handling those moments when we feel personally attacked.

But before we get too far ahead.

Of ourselves, it's important to remember that mastering this skill of not taking things personally doesn't happen overnight.

Right.

It's a practice.

It is.

It's a continuous process of building our emotional resilience.

So we're basically training our brains to respond differently.

Kind of like building a new mental habit.

Precisely.

And just like with any new habit, it takes time and effort.

There will be times when you slip up when that knee jerk reaction of taking things personally kicks in.

Yeah, but that's okay.

It's all part of the learning process.

I'm curious, what are some practical things we can do to strengthen that not taking things personally muscle?

One strategy is to become more aware of your triggers.

What are the specific words, actions or situations that tend to push your buttons?

Once you know your triggers, you can start to anticipate them and develop healthier responses.

That's a good point.

It's like knowing your weaknesses so you can prepare for battle.

Yeah, right.

But how do we actually stop that automatic reaction in its tracks?

Well, it's a simple but surprisingly effective technique.

It's to just pause before you react, take a deep breath, and create some space between the stimulus and your response.

Okay, I can see how that could be helpful.

It's like hitting the brakes before we crash and burn.

Yeah, but in the heat of the moment, it's hard to remember to pause.

You're absolutely right.

It takes practice.

Right.

But even a few seconds of pause can make a world of difference.

It allows you to shift from a purely emotional reaction to a more thoughtful response.

So instead of just firing back a snarky comment or getting swept away by anger.

Right.

We're taking a moment to assess the situation.

Right.

And choose a more constructive path.

Exactly.

And that's where self awareness comes in.

During that pause, ask yourself, what am I feeling right now?

Why am I reacting this way?

Is there another way to interpret this situation?

Wow, it's amazing how much power we have in those little moments of choice.

We really do.

And the more we practice this, the easier it becomes to access that power.

It's like building a mental shield that protects us from unnecessary emotional turmoil.

Okay, this all sounds great in theory, but I think there's a real fear for a lot of people that if they stop taking things personally, they'll somehow become doormats.

Like, what if they're letting people walk all over them?

That's a valid concern.

And it's important to distinguish between healthy detachment and letting people disrespect us.

Not taking things personally doesn't mean we have to tolerate bad behavior or stay silent when we're being mistreated.

And so how do we find that balance?

It comes back to self awareness and setting healthy boundaries.

When we detach from our ego, we can see situations more clearly and respond assertively when necessary.

For example, if someone is consistently disrespectful or hurtful, we can calmly and firmly address the issue without getting caught in a spiral of anger and resentment.

That makes a lot of sense.

It's about choosing our battles wisely and responding in a way that protects our well being without sacrificing our integrity.

Exactly.

It's about recognizing that our worth is not dependent on the opinions or actions of others.

We have the power to choose how we react, and we can do so in a way that empowers us rather than diminishes us.

This has been so insightful.

I feel like I've learned so much about myself and how to approach challenging situations with more grace and resilience.

I'm glad to hear that.

But before we wrap up, is there anything else you want to share with our listeners before we sign off today?

Yeah.

I think the most important takeaway is this.

Okay.

You always have a choice in how you respond to the world around you.

You can choose to react impulsively and let your emotions control you, or you can choose to pause, detach, and respond in a way that empowers you.

That's such a powerful reminder.

It's easy to feel like we're at the mercy of our emotions, but we actually have so much more control than we realize.

It's not about becoming emotionless robots, it's about becoming more intentional, more skillful in how we manage our emotions.

Exactly.

It's about recognizing that our emotions are valuable sources of information, but they don't have to dictate our actions.

I love that.

It's like we're taking back the reins and choosing to respond in a way that aligns with our values and goals precisely.

And that's a recipe for a calmer, more peaceful, and more fulfilling life.

This has been such an insightful conversation.

I feel like I've learned so much about myself and how to approach challenging situations with more grace and resilience.

I'm glad to hear that.

And remember, this is a journey, not a destination.

All works in progress.

Yeah, and if you're feeling inspired to dive deeper into this topic and learn even more practical strategies for managing your anger and mastering your emotions, I highly recommend checking out Alastair's website angersecrets.com yes.

Alistair has some amazing resources available, including free training programs that can help you take control of your anger and transform your life.

So if you're ready to break free from the grip of anger and start living a more peaceful and fulfilling life, head over to angersecrets.com today.

That's angersecrets.com and be sure to check out his free training.

It's an incredible resource that can make a real difference in your life.

Thanks for listening, and remember, you have the power to choose your response.

We'll see you next time on the Deep Dive, where we'll continue to explore the fascinating world of human behavior and unlock the secrets to living a more fulfilling life.

Until then, stay curious, stay compassionate, and stay empowered.

Okay, thanks for tuning in to today's episode of the Anger Management podcast.

I hope you have found this deep dive into how not to take things personally useful.

Before we finish, however, let's summarize the main ideas that Jake and Sarah talked about.

Most of the time, it's not about you.

When someone criticizes you, snaps at you, or says something hurtful, your instinct might be to take it personally.

But as Jake and Sarah said, in most cases, their words and actions have nothing to do with you.

People often project their stress, frustration, or insecurities onto those around them, especially those they feel closest to.

Instead of reacting angrily or defensively, remind yourself, this isn't about me.

They're struggling with something and I just happen to be in their path.

When it is about you, stay open to feedback.

Sometimes criticism is real.

Your partner might say you don't listen, or a co worker might point out a mistake.

If there's truth in what they're saying, don't get defensive.

Instead, pause and ask, can I learn something here?

Acknowledge their perspective and if necessary, take steps to improve.

Responding with curiosity rather than defensiveness can turn criticism into an opportunity for growth rather than a trigger for conflict.

3.

Emotional reactions give away your power.

Every time you react angrily or defensively to someone's words, you're giving up control of your emotions and letting them dictate how you feel.

But you always have a choice in how you respond.

Instead of reacting impulsively, take a deep breath and ask, is this worth my peace of mind?

The more you practice emotional control, the more resilient you'll become.

Okay, I hope these three tips will help you shift your mindset and help you never take things personally again.

I hope you also found this episode helpful.

If you did, I'd appreciate it if if you took a moment to follow this podcast on your favourite podcast app and if possible, leave a quick rating and review.

This helps other people find the show and start their own journey to a calmer, happier and healthier life.

Remember too, for free support to control your anger, including access to a free training or a free 30 minute anger assessment, call with me, visit my website angersecrets.com or if you would like to begin your anger management journey right now, visit angersecrets.comcourse to enrol in my powerful online course, the Complete Anger Management System, I'd be honoured to help you on your anger management journey.

Finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local member mental health professional.