This week, our guest, Jaclyn Frosolone, shares her compelling narrative, shedding light on the profound impacts of discovering one's origins in the world of donor conception. Prepare to be moved, educated, and inspired as we explore themes of identity, family secrets, and the quest for belonging.

Beyond the Donor: A Deep Dive into Conception and Connection

Episode Highlights:

• Jaclyn's initial discovery through a DNA test and the emotional rollercoaster that ensued.
• The complexities and confrontations within her family following the revelation about her donor conception.
• An insider's critique of the fertility industry, underscored by Jaclyn's personal encounters and the shared experiences of her half-siblings.
• The formation of an unexpected community among Jaclyn and her half-siblings, despite threats and challenges, showcasing resilience and solidarity.
• Jaclyn's reflections on health, genetics, and her advocacy for transparency and change within the donor conception community.
• Contemplating the future: Jaclyn's musings on parenthood, hereditary health concerns, and the legacy of her donor's decisions.

We hope this episode has opened your eyes to the multifaceted experiences of those touched by donor conception and sparked conversations on the nuances of modern family dynamics. As we close this chapter, let's carry forward the courage to face our truths, the strength to forge connections, and the grace to embrace the diverse ways families come together. Stay tuned for more episodes that challenge, enlighten, and celebrate the twists and turns of family life.

Topics mentioned in this episode:

‘I slept with my half-sibling’: Woman’s horror story reflects loosely regulated nature of US fertility industry

Laura High

Women discover 200 siblings from same sperm donor

Love Canal

Join the Family Twist family here!

Listen, Rate & Subscribe

Apple

Amazon

Google

Spotify

Jaclyn: Yes. Thank you for having me.

Kendall and Corey: So what was your gut reaction? when the USA Today article hit?

Jaclyn: Oh, that was scary because I didn't tell anybody in my family I was doing it. And no one in my family other than my mom and my sister knew at that point that, like my dad knew we came from a sperm donor, but he didn't know for the past three years that me and my sister had. No one at that point.

Kendall and Corey: Wow. Okay.

Jaclyn: I was contacted by two of my aunts on his side of the family that day.

And I was like, yeah, I'm going to have to tell him. So it was a, it was a little rough at first, but we've, we've healed a little bit and we've moved on and we're getting

Kendall and Corey: So he, he knew that you were donor conceived, but he didn't know you knew.

Jaclyn: Yeah, yeah.

Jaclyn: I finally got an answer out of them. We all sat down like me, my sister, the four of us, we all got together and tried to talk about it as a family because it was just a giant elephant in the room for a few days and my dad went mute, just like stopped talking for a few days. I was like, yeah, we got to do something about this.

My mom said that back then they're both doctors because they had two different doctors for me and my sister because we're eight years apart. They said that their best option was to just not tell us.

Kendall and Corey: The doctor said that. Okay. Um,

Jaclyn: yeah, the doctor advised them not to tell us and they listened because, I mean, the doctor was telling

them to So why not, you know?

Kendall and Corey: that's interesting. I don't think we've, um, you know, we've had, we've had a few of these type of stories on the podcast, but I don't think we've heard anyone say that the doctors advised about telling the children like, wow, talk about perpetuating getting the secret started.

Jaclyn: Yeah, yeah.

Jaclyn: once ancestry started coming out, I was like, Ooh, I'm, I was really interested. I really just wanted to know my family's ancestry. They had told me we were 75 percent Italian for years. And I was like, I'm calling bullshit on that, I'll believe you for now. And my mom had prevented me for years from taking the test.

Just being like, Oh, it's too much money. They're going to steal your DNA. You know, don't do it. You're just better off not doing it. And I was like, okay. And then I moved out. And I was 21 and I was like, fuck, I'm just going to take a test. I didn't tell anybody I bought a test, took it. And then that was about, I think I took it beginning of December.

Oh, maybe this is why they were trying to keep me from looking at my

Kendall and Corey: What popped up immediately that, that red flags went off.

Jaclyn: I did 23 and me before I did ancestry. Cause I have done both. I opened the app. I don't know if you've used it, but it's got all the siblings at the top and it just had like 15 or 16 half siblings and I was like, What the fuck is this? So I thought they mixed up my DNA with somebody else's.

I'm like, no way. Like, this has gotta be ridiculous. There's, there's just, it's gotta be fake. And I'm looking, I'm looking, and you can see there are Like states and their locations. So I'm looking and it's all places. My dad went hunting and I'm like, Oh,

Kendall and Corey: Oh,

Jaclyn: been cheating. My mom has no idea.

Kendall and Corey: we've noticed that some people like they kind of become like the head of the pod to where they're like the ones to lay it all out, you know, for the new siblings. Was it a gentle revelation or was it just like, bam, here's, here's the story.

Jaclyn: no, it was kind of like, bam, it was, there was no warmup. It was just like, Hey, you came from a sperm donor. I was like. Are you sure about that? They're like, yeah, I was like, okay. Yeah, I was 21. So it was, it was like a big shock to me. And then my sister is eight years older than me. She lives down the street.

So I'm freaking out. I called her. I said, Hey, you need to come over. I don't know what's going on. And I told her, and she's like. Am I from a donor? Am I from the same donor? And I'm like, I don't know. So a couple hours later I called my mom and got the confirmation that she's also from a donor, but a different one.

Kendall and Corey: Goodness. Wow. So how would your sister react when your mom shared the news?

Jaclyn: she was pissed. Yeah, she was really pissed. She was 30. When she found out, she was not happy. Not happy at all. She was really mad that they kept it from her for so long and completely understandable, you know? I wasn't mad. I had no resentment. I was actually kind of happy. I was like, that's kind of cool.

Like, that's, that's, who's got like stories like that, you know?

Kendall and Corey: So when your mom confirmed everything, did she say, don't tell your father?

I think he's gotten better since we talked about it.

Kendall and Corey: So just about a week after you gifted your sister the DNA test, you get the bombshell dropped on you. Did she take her test after that?

Jaclyn: No, I had, it took me about a year and a half to convince her to take

Kendall and Corey: Wow. Because, uh, obviously you're

not going to have the same siblings because she came from a different donor.

Jaclyn: She only found like two. Wow.

Yeah. But you have to remember, back then, she was conceived in 91, so I'm, like, 99 percent sure her sperm was almost, like, fresh. And it wasn't frozen, so she would have a lot less siblings than me anyway.

Kendall and Corey: Is she jealous you have so many siblings? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't

think so. I don't think so.

there was like a handful of same matches, but then a whole different new batch of new ones. Yeah.

Kendall and Corey: it has grown to what?

Jaclyn: Oh, geez. I think we have a confirmed, like, 170 at this point, but we, we know there's

more. Like, we know there's more, but we have no idea of knowing the

Kendall and Corey: Exactly. Because there are people out there who probably don't know. Mm hmm. And have no

Reason to do a test, you know, I mean, it's, yes, they're becoming more popular, but I mean, it's still only, you know, a small percentage of the population has actually taken the test, you know, it's just some people, you know, aren't, they don't trust it, you know, and

Jaclyn: I don't, I don't care. I feel like the government's already got my DNA somehow, so I might as well just

Kendall and Corey: Yep. right?

I'm the same way. It's like, whatever. So are they, are some of your siblings, are you like in the same region or are they spread out all over the country or the world?

There's a big Oh, and Florida. There's like a big sack of us in those areas.

Kendall and Corey: It does seem like there's a lot of, uh, stories from the East Coast, doesn't it? It's true. Yeah. I, I think that I, I do feel like the, uh, sperm banks out here must have just been more prolific, you know, or just, yeah,

I mean, it's kind of amazing the number of people that we've connected with. Yeah, from the, from the east.

I mean, has anything popped up in that aspect of your pod?

Jaclyn: yeah, unfortunately we were a lot of people from my pod were actually interviewed for that CNN article and I don't know if our stories are out yet or if they're, they haven't put them out, but a few of my siblings have had very close interactions with other siblings. Exes dating the same people or, my one sibling actually served our one brother at a restaurant once and had no idea.

And they even went to the same high school and had like similar friends. I know personally for me, one of my siblings like on popped up on 23andme and it categorizes if it's on your paternal side or your maternal side. And two siblings popped up on my maternal side. And I was like, Well, that's really weird.

they're her fifth cousins, but they're my half siblings.

the donation facility was also send it to like my mom's cousin. And then my mom's cousin had the same. Isn't that weird? I just find that so odd

Kendall and Corey: So are there members of your pod that you're closer with or are there any that you're really close with now? Awesome. Cool. Awesome.

Jaclyn: me and three of my other siblings did a podcast a while back. And since then we've just all gotten a lot closer. And plus another sibling has gotten into our little like group and then. A brother of one of those siblings. And I was actually just with them with them this weekend in Jersey. It was a lot of fun. Yeah.

Jaclyn: Oh, I fucking hate it.

Kendall and Corey: Yeah.

Jaclyn: It's awful. It's disgusting. They're only in it for the money. Are you serious? You're telling me that you're not going to do background checks. You're not going to verify any information these people are giving you. You're not going to require any, um, proof that these kids were born.

There's no cutoffs. These people can donate for as long as they want. Are you serious? Like, is this? It's a joke. These are children coming into the world. All these restrictions for adoptions, and you're telling me you have no restrictions for sperm donation? That, like, makes no sense to me. And also, gay men can't donate?

That's, like, bullshit. That's Like, the only test they do is, uh, I think, I believe STD. So if they don't have an STD, why can't

Kendall and Corey: Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jaclyn: You know, I

Jaclyn: Yeah.

Kendall and Corey: wow. Are there health related issues that you and your pod share? Oh, gosh.

Jaclyn: so many. So many. We all have cysts in all different parts of our body. I have a cyst in my spine that's expanding my spine. It's extremely rare. Extremely scary. I could be paralyzed from the waist down eventually. Terrifying. Um, a lot of my siblings have them in their throats and they're singers.

So now they can't sing. So it sucks. Um, I know one of my sibling gets cysts, like in between her joints.

Kendall and Corey: that sounds awful.

Jaclyn: Yeah, just nasty, nasty places. Uh, we all have skin issues, like dermatitis or eczema everywhere. I have it on my vagina. Like, who gets, who gets pussy eczema? Like, who, who

gets that? Of

all things.

Jaclyn: Yeah. Oh, we all have POTS, too. POTS.

Kendall and Corey: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Wow. So, what do you know about this man who, donated so often?

Jaclyn: we do know his name. I mean, there's a lot of siblings and a lot of people have taken DNA tests. We have found his siblings. We have found other members of the family. We're in contact with one of his brothers. I've spoken to one of his sisters. He himself does not want anything to do with us, which is whatever.

I'd rather he let us know than just ignore us. But he is telling his brother that he doesn't want any contact with us. I wish he would though, for like medical reasons. Cause I know there's some things that he knows and should share with us, but he refuses to, I know where he lives. I know he's

Kendall and Corey: Oh. Yeah. Wow.

Kendall and Corey: Well, he

sounds like a winner. Well, you know. Sorry. That's okay. Hey. Uh, you know, if his siblings are anything like mine, if they knew that, like, I had 170 kids out there, they would share that information with them. So I'm sure that just like blew his mind. Yeah.

Jaclyn: Yeah. Yeah. Facebook group too. filled with

Kendall and Corey: You know, he's probably scared too, right? Like that everybody is angry and everybody, you know, rightfully so. Yeah. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I think, you know, I'm sure a lot of people feel like if somebody were more forthcoming and just said like, Hey, I was a college student. I needed the money. I I wasn't thinking, you know, I was a kid myself.

I wasn't thinking about the repercussions. I mean, there'd be, there could certainly be room for some healing and forgiveness there, but for somebody who just completely ignores it. I mean, that's just, it's garbage.

Yeah.

Without me, I was, I had a bad cold, so I just, I wasn't available. So, but I was editing the episode, and it's like, oh, wow, like, I didn't really think about the fact that this community. Is kind of like helping each other therapeutically, you know, and it's like, we, you know, we feel like we're part of the, the larger community now, just because, you know, we've gotten to hear these stories and share these stories and, we feel like every time we do one of these interviews, you included like, Oh, we have a new friend today.

We made a new friend today. Like, how cool is that? You know, so how do you feel about the, the community? You mentioned the Facebook group. Yeah, right.

That's really, really nice. There's a lot of support groups out there that you could do over FaceTime or meetups in person. I know Laura High, she's big. She was part of the CNN story. So like we were kind of going through that whole thing with her. She's amazing. She has really welcomed us into the community and her posts herselves, like about us has really made us feel really safe within the community because we were getting threats from other siblings and like threatening to sue us, which I don't really know how they were going to do that, but just like scary, like don't, don't come forward.

And that's what. That's what's wrong. Is that we're being silenced by our own siblings. It's not even like the fertility industries. They don't have to do anything to keep us quiet. It's literally our

Like the voices need to get louder and there needs to be more of them. You know, there needs to be more podcasts like this, more articles, like the CNN article, because that's, what's going to bring change about, because, you know, right. A lot of people just don't know, they really don't know. And I'm sure that CNN article made a big impact because they really played that up, as like their lead story.

So hopefully, you know, it's opened people's eyes that, can help, become allies, help make change.

Jaclyn: Oh yeah, everyone I say to, they go, we had no idea it was that bad, and I said, well, neither did I. You don't know until somebody tells you,

Kendall and Corey: Yeah. I think to Corey's point, I think the silence kind of. gives credence to the arguments that the people in the fertility industry make. You know what I mean? Like, Oh, well, nobody's coming forward. You know, it's like, yeah, I mean, people need to feel like, militant it's a word toward them.

So it, you know, so the voices can be heard. So the news coverage gets out there.

Jaclyn: Seriously, it's so big, it really, it, I can't believe how long the industry has been around and it, there's been absolutely no changes. It's disgusting. It,

Kendall and Corey: And, and still happening. It's still happening right now,

Jaclyn: yes. Yeah. You could still buy my donor

sperm 26

years later, are you

Kendall and Corey: Wow. You know, if you're, if you're a multimillionaire, I'd just be like, I just wanna buy it all . I just like, yeah. I just gotta take it. All right. Yeah. Uh, at least you could control it, right? I mean, it's just goodness.

That's amazing to think. So. What's the age range in your pod?

is like, 8. I mean they're still selling it, so I'm

sure there's younger ones.

Kendall and Corey: there will be. Yeah. Right? Yep.

Wow. Oh my goodness. Wow. Wow. So. What about the parents, of your siblings? there's one as young as eight. what do the parents think of the, the situation?

Jaclyn: They wouldn't let me into the Facebook group. For like, I don't really know why. They just, maybe they just didn't like me. But I've heard from other siblings that It really depends on every parent, you know, some of them are really okay with everything that's going on. They, they love the donor, they thank him so much for having their child, you know.

And then there's ones who are like, fuck the facilities, fuck him, I'm done, let's sue. And it's like, it's really, I mean, we're as big as like a high school. Not everybody's gonna get along. And not everyone's gonna have the same thoughts and opinions on everything. I mean, we're all

over the place. I'm sure.

Kendall and Corey: Wow. Has it, so it's been, you know, a couple of years now. Does it, does it feel normal ever? Or is it just weird all the time? Mm hmm.

Jaclyn: I think opening up and getting closer to some of the siblings, it's starting to get better, but I still, and I started to see a therapist, so that helps, but I definitely, I don't think my brain really believes it. Like I call them siblings because in my head, they're like, not my sisters and brothers.

But they are, you know? But they're also just like my friends at this point. Like, we're just kind of all getting along and trying to figure it out. But like, when we all hang together, you can tell we're siblings with the bickering at times.

Kendall and Corey: That's so cool.

Jaclyn: So it's comforting, in a way.

Kendall and Corey: thank you for sharing that you're in therapy because I

think it's important to, you know, to tell people that, Hey, it's okay. I know it's gotten the stigmas lessened over the years about mental health and people sharing, you know, their, but thank you for saying that.

Yeah.

Jaclyn: love my therapist, she's great.

Kendall and Corey: a lot of them aren't trained for this type of, therapy,

you know? Yeah.

Yeah.

Jaclyn: it's like me and one other client she has that's like going through something like this, somewhat.

Kendall and Corey: Yeah. I think about the training that they get like, okay, now there's a chapter on treating donor conceived patients. You know It's like, you know, like that probably isn't still isn't a thing, you know, it's like, Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow. Goodness. what type of similarities do you have with the pod?

Jaclyn: Oh geez. A lot of our Our eyes are similar, like our eye our eye shapes, uh, a lot of our voices are a lot very similar too, which is kind of weird. a lot of us have the same sense of humor, which is really nice. we all have anger issues too, we're all very angry and just like rage, like all the time, but we get along for the most part.

Kendall and Corey: about like, um, talents and, and proclivities towards, you know, careers and things like that.

Kendall and Corey: Yeah. Yeah. I get it. Well, thank you for doing this because you know, it's, yeah.

Jaclyn: Yeah. I want to be a part of the change, you know, might as well.

There's no point in staying

silent

Kendall and Corey: You're right. You're absolutely right. I agree. Wow. How about your sister? Is she kind of getting involved in the activism side of it well?

Jaclyn: No. No.

She's like, I'll leave that up to you. She's just

Kendall and Corey: Yeah. Yeah. Does she, has she found her donor or no?

Cause our doctors, like our, our mom, our mom and dad didn't tell anybody, not even their own parents. So let alone, they didn't tell our doctors either. So in our doctor's eyes, my dad's background is what it is. So I had to go and be like, Hey, everything you have. You got to delete it because it has nothing to

do with me anymore.

So Shame on those doctors for telling them not to say anything. I mean, like, wow. I mean, it's like, you know, your, your doctor as a kid could have been like, you know, prescribing you something that could have killed you. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah, it took me years to figure out I had a heart issue. We knew there was something wrong, but we had no idea. The doctors couldn't figure anything out. And it wasn't until one of my siblings is like, well, a lot of us have pots. And I was like, Oh my God, I went to my doctor and I go, I think it's pots.

And they're like, Oh my God. And then they tested me and guess what it is.

It's pots.

Kendall and Corey: God, Jacqueline.

Jaclyn: Oh, yeah.

Kendall and Corey: has this affected your thoughts about being a parent yourself? Like how did you feel about it before the discovery and how do you feel about it now?

Jaclyn: When I was little, I was always a big baby dolls. I loved, I loved babies. I still do love babies. I love, I watch my friend's kids all the time and I, I love being around them and my cousins and everything. And then, I'm, I'm gay, but I also, well, I'm bisexual, so, you know, I got both sides. But for a long time, I was dating this girl and I was like, hi, you know, I think I want kids and she's like, I don't know if I want kids and we were so young, I'm only 24, I was like, I don't know, I think I really want them.

It's really given me like a, I don't know what I want to do anymore if I want to adopt or, but I really want to have a kid of my own. It's

really hard.

Kendall and Corey: right.

Jaclyn: I, cause I don't know what to do. I don't want to spread the DNA around even more cause I got it from both sides. Like my mom was in love canal. I don't

know if you know what that is.

Kendall and Corey: No, I don't.

Jaclyn: It's a, it was a chemical waste dump site and uh, it was in Niagara Falls. By Oxychemical, they dumped all their waste, and then they sold the land to Niagara Falls for a dollar. And they said, hey, don't build anything on top of this, and Niagara Falls said, fuck you, we're gonna do it anyway. And they built schools and houses, and then everybody started getting really sick.

And like, it's something, you're gonna have to look it up, it's very

It's bad. Yeah.

Kendall and Corey: I know I was gonna, um, you know, bring up the adoption thing again, but, you know, I'm sure you've got a lot to think about, like,

you know, you want to be, if you're going to have a child or adopt a child, you want to be around, you know, for the child, right? And not be ill,

you know? Right.

Jaclyn: Yeah.

Kendall and Corey: Yeah,

But, you know, my story involves my Adoptive parents who both died young and you know, I, my, my mother died 1st and when I was a teenager and my dad said.

And I always said, hopefully you really reassured her. He's like, of course, he's like, I told her we did the right thing. We got this baby when he needed us. And, you know, it was. But I get it. I mean, I get what she must have felt,

but on her deathbed, said to her sister, you know, I feel so guilty that Kendall only had only got to have me in his life for 10 years.

You know what I mean? Like, so it's sad. It's sad that she was going through, I mean, she was already dealing enough with her health condition, but it's sad that she was emotionally affected by that too. But I guess any parent would be, you know?

Jaclyn: Yeah.

Kendall and Corey: If you know you're about to die.

You know, I remember her and I will always remember her, but do I wish I had a lot more time with her? Absolutely, you know

Kendall and Corey: and so You know, that was our household was the three of us.

So, uh, Corey feels like he knew them even though, even though he doesn't.

Jaclyn: Yeah.

Kendall and Corey: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. you know, good luck with the pod and growing relationships, you know, with your siblings, let us know when you hit 200

Jaclyn: Yeah, for sure.

Kendall and Corey: we'll, we'll send a cake,

but only one to you, not, not to,

right. Yes.

Jaclyn: yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kendall and Corey: Oh, goodness. Well, yeah, again, for having a good sense of humor about this. I think it helps people, Get it more and understand it and feel comfortable about it. So,

Well, Jacqueline, you've been a delight.

thank you for coming on and sharing your story.