Mary is 78, but she still has stinging memories of her mother leaving her in another woman’s guardianship. The era was the Great Depression but her mother wanted to go out and have fun without the responsibility of raising In guardianship she was sexually abused, then her guardian blamed her for the economic hardship in that house when the abuser left the home. Mary had grown too independent to reunite with her mother. But despite the trials of her life, she made sure to be the best mother she could possibly be when her children needed her.
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Mary: 00:02 They would tell me, well, she’s not coming back. And I say, Oh yes, she’s coming. She’s coming to get me. But you know, she didn’t come to get me. So eventually you know you give up and then settling in. But I was devastated. I mean, it just, there’s no other word to describe it.
Voices: 00:27 Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
Damon: 00:34 This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? Hey, it’s Damon. And today I was so lucky to talk to one of my own relatives, Mary, she and my biological mother Ann met well before I was able to locate Ann myself, Mary and Ann shared a common interest in, of all things, genealogy. Mary’s story isn’t one of a formal adoption, but being placed into the guardianship of someone else. She was a child during the Great Depression, an extremely challenging time economically and mentally for the health of our country. But Mary’s life challenges were deeply underscored by the upheaval of her family when her mother placed her and her young brother in the guardianship of a stranger. I asked her to tell me about her experiences growing up. I have to warn you, she does describe an abusive experience in her childhood that I suggest you don’t listen to in front of children. Here’s Mary Story. Hello?
Mary: 01:36 Hello Damon, how are you?
Damon: 01:40 I’m very well. How are you doing?
Mary: 01:43 I’m doing good.
Damon: 01:44 Excellent. Thanks for calling. How are you feeling?
Mary: 01:47 As well as one can be.
Damon: 01:47 Yeah. Now tell me, you knew my biological mother, Ann. Help me remember, how did you know her?
Mary: 01:55 well she and I both, attended genealogy conference we were sort of sitting next to each other and we started talking about where our family was from and so forth and so on. And we both came to the conclusion that we might be related, but you know.
Damon: 02:20 (Laughs)
Mary: 02:21 I’m going to say 10 years later we find out. Yeah, we are related.
Damon: 02:25 And what was the relation? Do you recall?
Mary: 02:27 Cousins.
Damon: 02:28 Through whom?
Mary: 02:29 now, it was, my grandfather, his brother, was your great grandfather.
Damon: 02:36 Wow. You know, it’s so interesting to me that you and Ann did genealogy, one just because I know that she began the process well before you could do internet searches for people like you can now. So you know her library background was something that made her a sleuth in tracking down information. But I can’t help but wonder how much of that was just her own pure curiosity for wanting to know about our own history. And then what part of it for her was, because she had released me into the world and there was an adoptee out there that would want to know about her and, and my relatives and I just can’t, I would love to have asked her before she passed, how much she thought my presence in the world fueled her desire to do genealogy versus just her own natural process for wanting to discover herself. So you were adopted yourself, Mary.
Mary: 03:37 No I wasn’t actually adopted. My mother, according to what she’s told me and what my guardian has told me, She decided that she could not keep my brother and I it was during the depression and I don’t doubt that she was having a hard time cause she couldn’t hardly find a job. And when you did, it wasn’t paying much, but, and she was still young. She may have been 20 when she gave us up. She still wanted to go out with the girls, you know, that kind of stuff. So she gave us to a guardian with as I’m told, the understanding that she would get us back at one time.
Damon: 04:19 Who was that Guardian to her? To your mother. Do you know what was the relation?
Mary: 04:23 Yeah, she wasn’t related. My mother lived in an apartment building and another lady lived in the apartment building. The other lady that lived in there was the sister to my guardian and my mother said she was asking if she knew someone who would take her kids and keep them and she said, Oh yeah, my sister would love to have them. So that’s how I, that’s how I got from Louisville, Kentucky to Indianapolis.
Damon: 04:54 Indianapolis is where Your Guardian lived.
Mary: 04:56 right. I was either three or four and my brother was two years younger. So that sort of how that transpired.
Damon: 05:05 And how was your life in Indianapolis as someone, a child and guardianship by another person?
Mary: 05:14 Well, first of all, I was yet, I was too young to really understand what was going on and while my brother fit right in and right off, I was not a happy camper. I cried for days and days and they would tell me, well, she’s not coming back. And I say, Oh yes, she’s coming, she’s coming to get me. But you know, she didn’t come to get me. So eventually you know, you give up and then settle in. But I was devastated. I mean it just, there’s no other word to describe it.
Damon: 05:50 I can’t even imagine.
Mary: 05:51 Yeah, I can remember crying days and days and then I would settle down and then I’d start thinking about it and I’d start crying again. She never adopted us. She did put us on welfare just because she could and she could get additional money for doing that
Damon: 06:12 to support you guys.
Mary: 06:14 She was married at the time that we went to stay with her, but um, he, well, it, it’s no other way to put it. He molested me or he raped me and um, she put him out.
Damon: 06:32 How old were you when that happened? I’m sorry to hear that.
Mary: 06:36 I was still about four or five years old.
Damon:
