Sometimes you just need a woman a little farther down the road to tell you it's going to be okay. Nicole is just that woman. She has the gentlest voice, but is full of loving guidance for some really challenging parenting situations. She's going to make you feel like you really can do it!

Scripture Mentioned: Galatians 6:9

They're the joyful agains our children.

2

Shout on the swings, the exhausting

agains of cooking and laundry and

3

the difficult agains of discipline.

4

So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

5

So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called to.

6

And went to bed believing we are

faithful in what matters most.

7

We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

8

confusion and overwhelm we feel.

9

Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

10

Sometimes you just need another mom

who's a little bit farther down the

11

road to tell you it's going to be okay.

12

Today I'm going to bless you

with the coffee date that

13

you may not have time for.

14

I Am Stephanie Hickox, and as always, this

is brought to you by Entrusted Ministries.

15

Go ahead, let those kiddos play around

you, put your earbuds in, and just be

16

ministered by the most gentle voice

of Nicole Frederickson encouraging

17

you that you're gonna make it.

18

I sat down with Nicole because she

endured a truly difficult trial,

19

and we'll get to that episode soon.

20

But in true selfless Nicole fashion, she

took plenty of time to minister to moms

21

about the things that she sees we need to

be encouraged with today, whether it's how

22

to overcome anger, how to persevere while

loving a child with A DHD tendencies, how

23

to loosen the reins and discern if our

kids are even ready for us to do so in

24

middle school and high school, and even

how to parent strong-willed children.

25

I know you'll be blessed as she

encourages you to keep loving

26

your kids in the Lord's strength.

27

Stephanie: We have known

each other for a long time.

28

Just in similar circles.

29

I've definitely seen your example and

your light and your love for the Lord.

30

We're going to get started with

some lighter questions before we

31

go into the Lord's faithfulness in

some heavier seasons in your life.

32

If you could tell me three

things that are on your lifetime

33

bucket list, what would you say?

34

Nicole: Aw, thank you for your kind words.

35

All of my bucket list things Revolve

around travel, because I love traveling.

36

And I hope these are going

to happen but we don't know.

37

I would one day love to go back to London.

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I was a small child and lived there

for three years with my family.

39

So I'd love to go back

and see it as an adult.

40

I think that would be super awesome

41

Another thing I would love to do

is I would love to explore like

42

Thailand and Asia with my husband.

43

And then I would love to have

an overseas vacation with him.

44

All of my kids and their spouses,

so six of us, and whoever else has

45

added to the family at that time,

46

Stephanie: those are great goals.

47

Yes, I agree.

48

Stick with the travel.

49

The different things the Lord has

created, I want to see them all too.

50

Nicole: Yeah.

51

Stephanie: And what are you most

excited about for the decade ahead?

52

Nicole: So both of my children just

got married and so I'm hopeful in

53

the decade that they'll have children

and then I can be a grandparent and

54

I love children I love little kids

and I just can't wait to do that and

55

to serve them and come alongside them

It's just going to be a great time.

56

God willing.

57

I'm looking forward to that.

58

Stephanie: Absolutely.

59

You See the joys in each season

that the Lord has put us in.

60

And I was saying recently to someone,

I loved the baby stage so much with

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my kids, but then every stage you

get to, you realize, oh, there's

62

something really fun about this too.

63

And then, There is something exciting,

but even though it, you're like, oh,

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I wish they were little again, but

you'll get to have more little ones.

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Nicole: ones.

66

It's true.

67

And I don't really look back too much.

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I enjoy the memories, but

I enjoy where we're at.

69

It's just such a rewarding time to see

your kids as young adults navigating life

70

and really seeking to honor the Lord.

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And.

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I'm so excited about that.

73

Yes.

74

I feel like that's a huge

blessing and really a gift from

75

the Lord to get to see that.

76

So

77

Stephanie: No greater joy, right?

78

Yeah,

79

Nicole: abso absolutely.

80

That was rolling through

my mind today and lately,

81

Stephanie: You're experiencing the

fruit of all of your hard work.

82

But, that makes sense to me that

you're excited about grandchildren

83

because you were working in

the preschool for some time.

84

Tell us a little bit about career

wise where the Lord has brought

85

you and where you are now.

86

Nicole: So going to school, I was

trained to be like a kindergarten

87

teacher was really my heart.

88

And then when Harvest Christian

Academy opened, And it fell in

89

my lap to be a preschool teacher.

90

The church had approached me to do

something different and my husband

91

was like, Why wouldn't you apply

to be that preschool teacher?

92

And I'm like, I don't know.

93

I don't know what that means and

how much commitment and X, Y, Z.

94

But I did and I'm so grateful because

I've been at HCA now 20 years.

95

Since it opened, and I've

done all kinds of things.

96

I was a teacher in the preschool,

moved to the assistant role, and then

97

got into more administrative roles.

98

And I was an administrative assistant for

the preschool, for kindergarten through

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5th grade, and now 5th through 12th.

100

And I just feel like I've

grown up at this school, too.

101

Even though I started as an adult,

I've really seen a lot of seasons

102

there, and Now with different age

groups of kids I really enjoy it.

103

Stephanie: See what I was saying

about Nicole just constantly being

104

in a position to minister to others

and being strong for your own family,

105

And you said now even part of your role is

equipping parents and bringing them along.

106

Nicole: Yes.

107

Entrusted has just been such

a big piece to me personally.

108

Parenting, but not only parenting, in

my Christian walk, and understanding

109

how to do this Christian life thing.

110

And I just noticed that this

was really a gaping hole in our

111

culture at school because nothing

like it was really offered.

112

And so me and another co worker

approached the school and we've

113

been able to have a mom's ministry,

which is really based on Entrusted.

114

And then, starting last year, we've been

able to have the whole study at school

115

and now in my home also this year.

116

So it's been really a blessing

to me and to many moms.

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Stephanie: That's so wonderful to hear.

118

I haven't found anything like

it either and I'm thankful

119

that the Lord led me to it.

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And of course we always say it

doesn't provide all the answers, but

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it tells you where to look for them,

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Nicole: That's right?

123

Stephanie: And, who to look to.

124

Nicole: That's right.

125

Stephanie: Would you share about

a struggle that you experienced in

126

motherhood and how the Lord met you in it?

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Nicole: I would Say,

as a teacher, by trade.

128

You go into parenthood and

you think there's a formula.

129

And then the Lord really humbles you.

130

And he humbled me and he

gives you children that are

131

a little outside the box.

132

And so my son, Michael was, Just

an extraordinarily curious child

133

tended to push the boundaries,

was strong very strong.

134

So I had to just really lean into the

Lord for perseverance and for wisdom

135

and for guidance because I wanted him

to learn authority and yet I wanted to

136

also Encourage him in his curiosity and

how his brain worked and all of that.

137

So God did meet me there.

138

He really did help me have a lot

of creative ideas of how to meet

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Michael, where he was at, and retain

the relationship with Michael, and

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teach him who the Lord was in that,

and what his expectations were.

141

Stephanie: I can definitely relate.

142

It's such a difficult balance to

say, you must submit to the Lord.

143

And yet I love who he made you to be,

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Nicole: Correct.

145

but

146

Stephanie: how can we sanctify

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Nicole: Yes.

148

Stephanie: this?

149

And you said you've seen the Lord

really use his character, right?

150

And

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Nicole: He is a strong Man

now, he loves the Lord.

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He goes and evangelizes downtown at

the colleges, and he's now coaching.

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He's an assistant coach now for Harvest

for cross country and track and field.

154

That's brand new and he leads a

Bible study, so he has a strong

155

character, and he's using it now

for the Lord, and he's teachable.

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Praise the Lord.

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Right?

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Stephanie: number one.

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Nicole: yes, be teachable.

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It's one thing I was

always telling my children.

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Be teachable.

162

Be open to reason.

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If we can be open to reason and

teachable, then the Lord can work with us,

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Stephanie: I can also relate

to you being a teacher.

165

There's just an expectation

of how things run in

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Nicole: a classroom

167

Stephanie: and then all of a sudden God

does give you this child and it feels

168

like it's just a different format in the

home and what they try to get away with.

169

Nicole: It's just different.

170

Uhhuh, and they know you and, yeah.

171

. So I was really grateful.

172

For school, because my daughter, I

could have homeschooled, no problem.

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Would have been the

easiest thing in the world.

174

Not that she's not strong, she

is, but in a different way.

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And Michael and I would

not have been well matched.

176

At least, it would have been very hard.

177

So I was grateful for other

people to come alongside him.

178

Stephanie: I so respect you saying that

because I try really carefully on the

179

podcast to not elevate homeschooling

even though I do feel for the season.

180

It's been best for my children, but I

try to surrender it every year and say,

181

Lord, if I can't be what they need.

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Or if there are other people you want

pouring into them, I surrender it to you.

183

Sometimes that's the most

loving thing we can do

184

Nicole: yeah.

185

And we all have different paths

and we just, it takes a lot of

186

wisdom and discernment and prayer

to figure that out for each kid,

187

Stephanie: as you are leading these

groups of entrusted What are some

188

trends that you're seeing in moms today?

189

Maybe something really positive that

you're seeing, a strength in this

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generation, and then maybe a caution for

challenges maybe for this generation moms.

191

Nicole: Not even in school, but

reflecting on a plane flight I just had.

192

And children never bother me when

they're playing and they're having fun.

193

I just think they're delightful.

194

But, , you can't help but hear how

parents are talking to their children.

195

And it's so much of negotiation and trying

to get them to do what you want them to

196

do without being really direct about it.

197

And I think we have to be really careful

about that because children actually

198

they're looking for their boundary.

199

They want to know, that they're

not the highest in control.

200

That's.

201

Frightening, but parents I think these

days are really afraid of being direct

202

and telling their children here's what

the expectation is and I understand that

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might not be something you want to do and

that's okay, but we need to do it, you

204

know, and this is, this is what you need

to do and then follow through on that.

205

And I think , that is something

that, parents in our culture

206

are really hesitant on doing.

207

However, I will say, the group of moms

I have coming to my home, they are

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so eager to learn and eager to apply.

209

And they really recognize

I need these tools.

210

I need to know how to navigate

this for my child's good.

211

And I do see that.

212

I mean, I, We see women when we had our

little mom's ministry, they just keep

213

coming back and they're so excited.

214

And so that's a gift.

215

They want the community.

216

They want to know that

they're not in this alone.

217

So I think that's a huge positive.

218

Stephanie: That's fantastic.

219

There is a lot of comparison or

elevating oneself on social media.

220

Yes.

221

And that temptation.

222

I just love hearing that women

in the church are actually doing

223

what the Lord asked us to do.

224

To parent together, to ask wisdom

from the generation that's gone

225

before them, sometimes you just need

someone to say, it's going to be

226

Nicole: Yeah, Absolutely.

227

Stephanie: Yeah.

228

Just as your words about Michael

really encouraged me about what

229

am I right now, i, I think.

230

Someone your age who's in the

same season as you can't give

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those life giving words of,

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Nicole: I

233

Stephanie: there.

234

I remember.

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This is how God met me in it.

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And of course, there's other

encouraging things, from someone

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saying yeah, I'm potter training right

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Nicole: now,

239

doing it

240

really hard.

241

Stephanie: But we need all of it.

242

Nicole: We do.

243

And just to have someone

a little bit ahead.

244

To be like, it is going to be okay.

245

Stephanie: And here's a hard

one, but I really love hearing

246

women's answers on this.

247

If you could give a description for

biblical motherhood, how would you define

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Nicole: Biblical motherhood.

249

I would say Humble,

250

Persevering of course

Loving, but sacrificial love.

251

and

252

Just going the distance, whatever

that means with your child.

253

Stephanie: That's fantastic.

254

Nicole: I would just say for that

older middle high school child

255

that Just remember that they are

trying to figure out who they are.

256

Children are going to be foolish.

257

They're going to make mistakes.

258

And then, those are opportunities

for us to teach them.

259

And to be like, okay.

260

So that wasn't great.

261

So let's talk about it, and then

there's a natural consequence or

262

whatever the consequence may be But

you want your children to be making

263

those mistakes in your home Or in

middle school in high school so they

264

can learn them And have that heart to

actually be humble and trainable, right?

265

So , I feel like especially middle school,

they're trying on all these things.

266

And within reason, it's okay.

267

I don't know how anybody feels

about this, but Elizabeth in

268

high school and in college, I

think she was, yeah, high school.

269

She wanted to have her hair burgundy.

270

And I am a super traditional person.

271

I'm like, you have beautiful hair,

why would you want to do that?

272

And she did it.

273

It's okay.

274

Like it's okay.

275

It's she wasn't doing it to be rebellious.

276

She's just a very

creative, artistic person.

277

And I was like, okay, so they may do these

little things that you don't agree with.

278

But as long as their heart is not

doing it to be rebellious or difficult.

279

Then that's okay to let them

express themselves a little bit,

280

Stephanie: Sure, yes.

281

Nicole: though it's hard for

282

You know, It wasn't easy for

me because I'm like, you're

283

so beautiful, why would you do

284

this?

285

But, and it did look nice.

286

For that look.

287

Stephanie: Yes, you're like,

288

see

289

the creative flair in it.

290

How

291

long will this be lasting?

292

It's just

293

Nicole: just not me.

294

And she loved it.

295

So anyways, picking your

battles I guess in that.

296

Stephanie: Alright, what would you

say to the mom that says, I feel like

297

I've really trained them with a strong

foundation, they're getting to this middle

298

school age, and I'm wanting to loosen the

reins a little bit, but every time I do

299

they're showing me, they can't handle it.

300

Nicole: They're showing you that

they're not ready then, right?

301

And then they could maybe take some

smaller steps, some smaller opportunities

302

to try and show that they're ready,

because they probably want to be

303

ready.

304

Yes.

305

But

306

it's not a formula that, okay,

they're in high school so they

307

should be allowed to do these things.

308

They have to show you that they're

ready and or show you that they're

309

not ready and then you pull it back.

310

So it's, I don't think

there's a tried and true.

311

Here's what you do.

312

Unfortunately it takes a lot of

discernment and sometimes trial

313

and error and then they make

mistakes, but then you pull back.

314

And they know, okay.

315

. Maybe in time.

316

We'll try that

317

again.

318

We're not gonna stay here, right?

319

We're not gonna stay here.

320

But you just showed me something.

321

So here we are.

322

Stephanie: You had two children

that were very different.

323

Yes.

324

Often Entrusted Betsy does such a great

job of saying, Okay, decide now what a

325

date is and tell your kids the standard.

326

But I sometimes feel like my kids are so

327

Nicole: mm-hmm

328

Stephanie: That if I were to say,

Oh, you can have a phone when you're

329

14, I would have some children

that would be ready for that and

330

some that wouldn't be.

331

What are your opinions on that or

even on, Do you have to do things

332

the same for different children

333

Nicole: I don't think you do.

334

Because I think not every child is going

to be ready for things at the same time.

335

I think you have, you can give like a

broad here's an idea of when we're talking

336

about it, but you're going to be looking

for some responsibility and some character

337

traits before you open the door to that.

338

Elizabeth and Michael actually

got phones, the same time,

339

Stephanie: Sure.

340

Nicole: but they were a year apart

because Elizabeth was just, she

341

was a little more responsible than

Michael and he would understand that

342

now to know that.

343

He's very responsible now, but he

was just not quite ready at that age.

344

And she was she's just a

different temperament than him.

345

I don't think there's

anything wrong with that.

346

You have to look at each kid individually.

347

Stephanie: And of course, not

doing it in a shaming way,

348

Nicole: Absolutely.

349

You're showing me that you're not

quite ready for that, and that's okay.

350

Because you will be.

351

And we're just gonna wait a little bit.

352

Stephanie: We were at

a recent Q& A together.

353

Betsy came to HCA.

354

It was such a blessing to have her there.

355

I noticed there was a huge theme.

356

There were several moms who asked

questions about children who maybe

357

have focus issues or ADHD tendencies,

and I know you offered a word

358

of encouragement from the back.

359

What would you say to moms that are

struggling with that in their homes?

360

Nicole: It's such a hard thing, isn't it?

361

It's Michael dealt with that when he

was younger and I would just say that

362

verse Galatians 6, 9, Do not grow

weary in doing good for in due season

363

you will reap if you don't give up.

364

You have to just persevere.

365

Michael, specifically, needed a lot of

extra assistance with organization and he

366

could remember every little bit of trivia

but would forget to turn in his homework.

367

It was just an anomaly.

368

So I would just say stay the course.

369

It does get easier.

370

It was very hard in lower school.

371

Michael.

372

Pretty difficult in middle school.

373

As he got into high school,

it got a little easier.

374

In college, he did great.

375

I was very nervous about college.

376

But he did really well.

377

You know, their executive functioning,

your brain has neuroplasticity.

378

so it's growing and

changing and . It did help.

379

We never did medication for Michael.

380

I was concerned about that.

381

We treated it.

382

I was just worried about side

effects and things like that.

383

So we treated it a lot of diet

384

and, Rolled out dyes and tried to eat as

clean as we could and that seemed to help.

385

But it wasn't like a magic.

386

One, but it did help quite a lot.

387

And then we did some neurotherapy

for him, which I think helped

388

his executive functioning.

389

It wasn't like a night and day

thing, but I believe it did help

390

and he would say it would help.

391

It helped as well.

392

He still does hyper focus, on

393

things, but that's not always a bad thing.

394

Stephanie: The Lord can definitely use

that when it's put towards the right

395

Nicole: Yeah.

396

Stephanie: We talked about the

balance earlier of saying, I see

397

these natural giftings in you.

398

And yet there is a system in life where

you do actually have to turn in the paper.

399

How do you balance that, especially for

a child that you're sending to school,

400

you're saying there are expectations.

401

How do you guide them in that?

402

And even as you are working in

403

Nicole: in

404

it's really hard.

405

As children get older, even if they

have, here's what I believe, even

406

if they have these deficits, or

challenges, whatever you want to

407

call it they still have to have their

own personal responsibility, right?

408

What I try to work with Michael is

okay, so you know this about yourself.

409

Okay?

410

So how are you going to set

up some systems for yourself

411

so you can be successful?

412

What are your tools?

413

And some of the tools I would say to

him, especially when he was 4th, 5th,

414

6th grade, younger, I would say, what

is that responsible student doing?

415

Okay, so you notice that responsible

student is pulling out their notebook.

416

So then you know, that's your cue.

417

Oh, I should be doing that.

418

Okay, so be watching

that responsible student.

419

Be having checks for yourself.

420

And I think a lot of that actually did

help, but it wasn't like, oh, perfect,

421

it was a lot of me reminding and trying

to train, but What I wanted most for

422

him, and I think what we want for our

kids is, we all have, what I would tell

423

them is, we all have things we struggle

424

with.

425

And we have to learn to work

around how God made us to be.

426

So if you know that you are a person

that gets distracted, you have

427

to set yourself up for success.

428

You have to be intentional about that.

429

And I think what happens often in

schools, and we do have kids that have

430

that, and they have like a plan to

help them, a success plan, and there's

431

nothing wrong with it, that's good.

432

But I think as children get

older, they have to have more

433

of the onus of responsibility on

themselves so they can succeed.

434

Because no one's going to do that for

them later, When they have a job, right?

435

So slowly transitioning to them

trying to figure out their own tools.

436

Stephanie: Very wise.

437

There's a whole new language now that

title didn't really exist when we were

438

Nicole: growing

439

up.

440

No, no.

441

Stephanie: And now it's, these

are the categories and these

442

are the things you can do.

443

And it may feel overwhelming, but

sometimes it is just that little

444

phrase of teaching them and all of

a sudden it bears so much fruit.

445

Nicole: Yes.

446

I would say as much as possible.

447

Try to be without screens and phones.

448

We're so reliant on them.

449

I'm guilty myself.

450

I use my phone a lot,

but I think children,

451

teens,

452

adolescents, we're seeing how much

that is really taking a toll on

453

them at their mental health and

just It's just not even great for

454

their brains, really, so it's hard

455

But to have those guardrails

for kids and have time off their

456

screens, I think is really important.

457

We're going to find out more

and more in the years to come

458

how important

459

Stephanie: How is HCA are they doing a

lot with screens right now, or what does

460

the school environment look like there?

461

Thank you.

462

Nicole: They have pockets where the

kids have to put their phones away.

463

I mean there are things where

they're going to use it for Google

464

Classroom, especially like in

high school, Google Classroom or

465

present presentations or whatever.

466

But we're really trying to limit it.

467

It's hard because we need to utilize

the technology, but you also want to

468

have it be a tool and not something

that kids are on all the time.

469

Stephanie: Yeah, another question

we had recently From a mom and I

470

think this is a very common struggle.

471

So since you're working with a lot of

entrusted groups right now I'm sure

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you have something to say to this.

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What would you say to the mom

maybe of younger children?

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I think maybe it comes out in impatience

more, but mom's struggling with anger

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Nicole: I would say, That's a

hard one because I know that a

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lot of moms get frustrated and

they're in the thick of things.

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I would say when you feel that

emotion start to rise up, give

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yourself a little time out.

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I know that sounds trite, but sometimes

just having a little bit of space

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helps making sure that you have maybe

adequate, time, maybe with your trusted

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small groups or something, even if

it's once a week or once every other

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week, just to reset and be encouraged

might help you be more filled up so

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that anger's not right at the brim.

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I think Really getting to the

root of what that anger is about?

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Are you just overwhelmed?

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Are you too tired?

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Are you embarrassed because

your child's not submitting?

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What is the root of the anger really?

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Stephanie: Because

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Nicole: anger is a

secondary emotion, right?

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So why?

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Really reflecting, not just sloughing it

off like everybody does it and it's okay.

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And then when you are having an outburst

to really use that as a moment to show

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humility and ask for forgiveness and model

what that looks like because your children

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are watching you if we're not going to

be perfect, things are going to happen.

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But if you can model asking for

forgiveness and trying again.

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So we did a lot in our house.

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We just said, okay, that wasn't great.

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Let's try that again.

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Can we do it again?

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And we would.

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Stephanie: I think that's really teaching

children the practical side of the gospel.

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No, that really is what Jesus died for.

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You do get a do over.

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And Betsy says an entrusted

like never be surprised or

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shocked by your children's sin.

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And I think when we see ourselves and

our own sin in the right light, then all

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of a sudden it puts it in perspective.

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Of course they're struggling with their

emotions because I am right now too.

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Nicole: Exactly.

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And

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Stephanie: I shouldn't be frustrated.

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I think sometimes we think I want you

to come in Knowing all the lessons

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I've already learned in my life.

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Nicole: Yes.

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I'm just

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Stephanie: to impart all this wisdom to

you, but we need to have patience for them

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to develop their own walk with the Lord

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Nicole: That's right.

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And they're just, now that I've been

through all this with, adult children,

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I look at little children and I just

think they're just little babies.

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You know what I mean?

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They just don't know.

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Even the middle schooler that's

coming in and he's all, Wild

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hair and going in his backpack.

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He's just trying to really figure it out.

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He's doing his best.

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Like all children really are

trying to figure things out.

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And if we can just see them in that

lens it gives you a more of a heart

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of compassion rather than frustration,

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Stephanie: Such a wealth of wisdom.

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I had to add those other questions

in there and put you on the

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spot, but thank you so much

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because I know that you don't

just have, Wisdom about the

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trial that you went through.

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You have it about so

many other situations.

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And I'm truly grateful that you keep

ministering to moms and putting yourself

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in places to be a blessing to others,

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Nicole: oh, thank you.

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You're so sweet.

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Thank you.

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It's my pleasure,

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We will see you back next Thursday.

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We have episodes coming on

spiritual leadership and what that

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really looks like in the home.

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We're gonna cover what is reproof

and what does it even look like

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to discipline older children.

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And a topic I've been wanting

to dive into for a long time.

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Are we messing up our kids?

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Betsy sat down with me

to give encouragement

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to moms that need a little bit more

peace in their hearts about all

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they're doing to love on their kids.

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And if you can't wait,

head to our website.

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We've got lots for you, including

our new videos for couples.

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We know you're busy, mama.

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So we are truly grateful you joined us for

this episode of again, if you're looking

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for more information about building your

home on the foundation of Jesus Christ,

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head to www dot Entrusted Ministries

dot com to learn more about our study

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for moms Entrusted with a child's Heart.

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This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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world, and we want it for you too.

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Before you go, I want to pray this

benediction over you from Second

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Thessalonians one 11 through 12.

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We're rooting for you to this end.

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We always pray for you that our God

may make you worthy of his calling

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and fulfill every resolve for good.

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And every work of faith by his power

so that the name of our Lord Jesus

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may be glorified in you and you

and Him according to the grace of

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our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

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Amen.

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Until we meet again.