I’m so excited to introduce you to my friend Kaide Solano. Kaide is the daughter of Central American immigrants. Her parents’ Catholic faith helped them survive the horrors of civil war in their native Nicaragua, and the hardships of trying to build a life in a new country. Kaide grew up as a Catholic, but as she neared adulthood she began to feel restricted by the moral teachings of the church. Her cross-country journey of self-discovery has resulted in a blossoming of her intuitive gifts, her queerness, and her commitment to living as her full, proud self.

Kaide’s story was so fascinating yet relatable that I couldn’t bring myself to cut it short. This is part one of our conversation. Look for part two after the 2023 holidays.

About Our Guest:

Kaide Solano is a professional intuitive energy healer, reader, and channeler. She’s also a Reiki practitioner, herbalist, and tarot reader, and has been a pediatric nurse for over 5 years. Her website is https://www.thehealingpathways.co and she’s on Instagram @kaidesolano_.

Mentioned: 

Susanna Merrick, coach and creator of Aura Wear https://aurawearnyc.com/about 

The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery, by Brianna Wiest https://shopcatalog.com/collections/books-by-brianna-wiest/products/the-mountain-is-you 

A Course in Miracles https://acim.org/ 

Rev. Dr. Bonnie M. Russell https://linktr.ee/BonnieMRussell 

Connect with Leaving in Color:

Instagram - @leavingincolor.pod 

Email - leavingincolorpod@gmail.com

Music by Tucker Winters

Art by Jen Cagle Gilmore

Editing by Particulate Media

Hi, welcome to Living in Color, a podcast about uncovering your

radiant self after losing your faith.

I am your host, Christina Elmer.

I'm so delighted you found us.

Hi, and welcome.

Happy holidays to everyone.

Thank you so much for tuning in today, downloading, however you

are listening to this podcast.

I'm so grateful to you for taking out time to listen to today's episode,

which is episode three, part one of two Intuitively Creating Heaven On

Earth with my friend, Kaide Solano.

I am so excited for you to get to know Kaide and to hear her journey

into becoming the amazing and charismatic human that she is today.

So once again, thank you for listening.

And here is Kaide.

Enjoy.

Hi, and welcome to Leaving in Color.

I'm so glad you're here today.

On today's podcast, I, first of all, I apologize, my voice is a little

froggy with West Texas allergies.

We're into the harvest season here in my part of the country.

So things are being uprooted and there's a lot of dust and allergens in the air.

And your girl has not taken her allergy medication.

So, um, please bear with me.

But on today's podcast, we have a very special guest.

I met her through, um, a mutual friend and coach.

We were in the same coaching container through our friend, Susanna

Merrick, who is an aura reader.

Go find her on all the socials and on the internets, she is

an amazing, amazing human.

But, my guest today is Kaide.

And Kaide and I in a breakout group in Susanna's group, we kind

of connected a little bit more and I really got to know her.

And I'm actually kind of fascinated by Kaide and her,

where her life has taken her.

So I invited her on the podcast today to share her, her journey with us.

So welcome my friend.

I'm so excited.

You're here.

Hi

Hi.

Thank you, Christina.

Um, for that beautiful intro.

And I'm so glad that I've been able to connect with you and get to witness

you grow as a person last six months.

Thank you, Same.

Through Susanna.

And yeah, I'm happy to be here.

Yeah, this is, this is exciting.

So is very intuitive.

That's what I'm coming to really recognize about her.

So let's go ahead and just kind of start from the beginning, just

give, give us a little bit of insight into your origin story.

Who is Kaide

? Kaide: Kaide right now, um, is a nurse, I studied psychology

with my minor world religions.

And after that I went into nursing, um, and studied herbalism.

And now I'm a Reiki practitioner and a tarot reader.

And I do that, um, full time, with nannying and other creative

projects that I also get to work on.

I've been showing up as a new version of myself recently, and so I'm still,

um, discovering parts of myself that I never thought, were really possible.

So my backstory is, uh, both my parents, um, were immigrants, and they

grew up in a civil war in Nicaragua.

My upbringing is very religious.

Both my parents are Catholic and very devout as well.

My mom was actually a nun.

Oh wow.

Yeah, um, and I always joke, clearly not the best one

because, you know, I'm here.

But,

I mean, bless her, thank god, you know, because

now you're here and we get to

Yeah, I know it's really wild to think about sometimes,

Yeah.

um,

like, oh, She's left the convent would you be

okay telling us why she left?

Of course, yeah, she left because her sister was sick at the time,

So we can, which is devastating to have a family member

get sick, but we can also say thank you to the sister for getting sick so

that your mom left the convent because now we have you and your gorgeousness

is here, just gracing the world and universe with your your loveliness.

So thank you Kaide's mom

Thank

you

For leaving those many years

Yeah.

It's true, and I'm very grateful.

Yeah, she, um, definitely had a hard upbringIng.

Yeah

Aside from growing up in the Civil War, she really felt like she

had to raise her younger siblings.

Um, and she's 10 years, almost 10 years older than the youngest one.

I very much feel for her.

I think almost anything that I do now is for my inner child and for my mom.

Yeah

Um, and for the life that they didn't get to live.

Yeah, yeah, the sacrifice of immigrant parents is It's huge

That's tremendous.

Yeah, definitely.

And I, every day I'm grateful for it.

Um, because now I'm, I have the privilege to live in America and be able to study

all of these interesting topics that like, I know that sometimes my parents

probably couldn't even comprehend or get the opportunity to learn.

Yeah

Yeah, and so her belief systems, um, were really ingrained

with me growing up, of prayer, and, going to mass every Sunday, and also

having to obtain this, like, moral uprighteousness, um, at a young age.

I felt like that responsibility at a young age, that I had to, like, make

sure that I was doing everything in the correct manner, in the correct form.

Um, but so much so that I wasn't allowing myself the freedom to explore, uh, my own

abilities in interaction with the world.

Yeah.

Are you an only child?

No, I have an older sister, and, um, she's about two years

older, but we were always very close.

In our upbringing, we definitely differed on our values, um, in some senses.

She currently is in Colorado, and she works for Google right now.

The reason I asked that was just, I didn't, I didn't

know if like, there was like some sort of expectation placed on you

if you're, you know, typically with an only child, there's all this like

expectation placed on them sometimes by their parents to be something.

I know that happens naturally, no matter how many kids are in a family, but

you know, if there's just one child in particular, there may be a little bit

more parental expectation placed on a kid.

Yeah.

Though I wasn't an only child, I did feel that extreme

pressure to be a specific way, to appear a certain way to the world.

And the message that I received as a kid.

I had to act as if we had more money than we did.

Mm.

And also like be, this like role model for other people when

I didn't know how to be, or like I didn't even know who I was as a child.

And, cause you're still discovering those parts.

But, um, I think my parents and my sister did have expectations of me.

They did?

They did, yeah.

To be, always be this kind, perfect, bubbly person for other people.

And I kind of just became this like...

I'm a recovering people pleaser.

Like, I'm a recovered people pleaser now as an adult.

And I also always struggled with my weight as well.

Uh, I think I believe I told you that I was obese, um.

Before I was a hundred pounds heavier, a couple of years ago.

Yeah.

And I had been my entire life.

And so it's different with the way that people perceive me now.

Um,

The expectation placed on you by your parents, do you think

some of that happened because you were, you guys emigrated to United States?

Yeah, I think my mom subconsciously has this belief system that, she's

associated with being brown with poverty.

Hmm.

And so even my grandmother had to scrub her down, would

scrub her down and ingrain that belief into my, my mom as well.

Like, that her skin color almost meant that she was less than.

Hmm.

And, um, she was always embarrassed of her own accent as well.

And so I felt like I had to, like, overcompensate in the way that I spoke.

Even within Asian cultures, like, you know, a lighter

skin is considered more beautiful and a little bit more royal in a

sense, like people, like, cause the darker skin tone, like those people

usually worked out in the fields and they were the laborers, you know?

And so I, I understand that, where that might, you know, have an effect on your

mother and then, you know, come into play and how she raised you and how

you presented in the world as a child.

Will you talk a little bit more about Catholicism and what that

was like, how that played a role in your family and your childhood.

The belief systems that we have were there to keep us safe.

They kept us safe in some manner or some parts of ourselves, whether that be,

like, if your brown skin makes you feel less than or, like, if you associate

with poverty, or even religious beliefs.

Like, growing up in Catholicism, like, um, we hold onto these things that I

think for both my parents, um, being children that grew up in a war, the

one thing that was consistent for them and there for them was going to church.

Yeah.

And so they kept that so strong even when they came to the United States.

And for us as well, they're like, God is the only one that can be there

for you, like, um, when no one else is, not even like friends or support.

Which is so funny to me now because I'm such a community based person.

Like, I need to be in community with people and like, recognizing that

people um, are there to support you and love you, and you can trust them.

but they came from such a place of mistrust that I started to look

at the world with that same lens.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Um, as a way to protect yourself.

But growing up Catholic I felt like I only had one way of being, and

it was just to be the good person.

Hmm.

be this good person no matter what, like I couldn't

like, if I messed up, there's

consequences.

And like, huge consequences that I'm gonna like, burn in hell.

Yeah, for sure.

The Catholic guilt is a real thing.

Guilt, it's the guilt of like, uh, being yourself, almost, too.

Um, I think that once you accept the aspects of yourself that you don't

necessarily like, and you start to look at that, and you start to embrace that

part of yourself, you can show up a lot more authentically in the world.

Yeah, absolutely.

And align with more of what brings you more joy.

And that'll bring more joy to everybody else around you.

Yeah, absolutely.

So as a kid growing up Catholic, and if we want to say, you know, there's

Catholic guilt because there's, you know, Mormon, Mormonism definitely

operates from the shame model.

Like, you don't do this, then you won't be able to live with

your family in the next life.

Or, you know, there's just a lot of shame injected into the the

beliefs, um, and how they operate.

As a child, how did that affect you recognizing certain parts of

yourself and saying, well, I can't, cause now we know that Kaide is here.

She is an intuitive.

She's, she reads energies.

She pulls tarot.

You know, she's...

Also a lesbian.

Also lesbian.

Yes, we should have brought that from the very beginning.

You are a lesbian.

you're you're out.

Um, did you notice those things about yourself when you were younger?

I actually didn't, um, I didn't, looking back now I'm like, oh, like those

were behaviors of like who I am now.

Like, oh, I was gay back when I had smaller crushes on people.

And, um, shame.

I love Brené Brown and she talks a lot about shame and that shame, she

actually spoke about one time that shame isn't a necessary emotion.

Guilt, is helpful, um, but shame is kind of unnecessary.

And I think, um, shame needs to be witnessed in order to be healed, and

for it to no longer be shameful, but because it wasn't witnessed, um, I like

definitely repressed a lot of things.

I felt like I was a bad person, that I was evil, um, for a long time, so it

was hard for me to speak up for myself.

Because I was like, oh, well, maybe I'm not this, like, good person

everybody else wants me to be.

Yeah, and also the people pleasing that you, prescribed

to, is coming into play there.

That's the way that I thought I would be able to receive love.

Yeah.

Because I did, I received more love when I was giving it.

But as you grow older, you realize that, love is given freely to you, like, and

isn't something that you have to work for.

Yeah, and it's interesting.

I think Brene Brown also talks about how shame is, um, narcissism is

actually the number one personality type that is extremely rooted.

In

In shame.

Mm hm.

Yeah, I can definitely see that.

Like, they're wanting to protect themselves.

They're wanting to, like, do it.

But it, at some point in your childhood or in your adulthood, like, I, and

I definitely, because of that shame, I became really self focused, maybe

when I was, like, in middle school.

And then I started to realize, oh, I can, like, share with friends, like,

some of the shame that I'm feeling.

And I can do that in community, and, like, heal from that.

And not have to, like, hide.

Yeah.

That's why I feel like shame affected me when I,

Yeah, for sure.

Definitely affected me, like, my teenage years, um, it was definitely the

way that I was, like, perceived by others.

Not only with religion, but also, like, struggling with,

uh, my binge eating disorder.

Mm.

But it's funny because some of my friends now, in my friend group,

they call me, um, problem solver.

Like, because if there's like any extreme situations, I almost

always will show up for them.

And I think in my life I've been in a lot of extreme situations that, like,

ha almost forced me to be this way?

A couple of my other friends too, recently, this was at a dinner

party like last week, but they were saying that like I don't

understand how you're so independent.

And It was honestly because I had to be.

Like I had to fight for who I am despite other people's belief systems.

Like growing up Catholic they had very like strict rules on

what is good and what is bad.

Yeah, for sure.

And if it's bad, you're gonna go to hell was one of the messages.

And so, that can be very harmful when you're trying to explore things

outside of that realm, and to come to realize that they actually aren't bad.

Did you notice anything when you were younger about, you know,

maybe in terms of like, any psychic or intuitive abilities, because we

know that, you know, within, Christian religions and faiths, like, as you

just said, you know, there's a very specific precept of, or expectation

of, you know, we believe in a God.

And usually there's, you know, Jesus and the Holy Ghost.

I can't remember.

My, my world religions studies are, I'm blanking on that and

the way of Catholicism works.

But I know that Catholicism also has some sort of like mysticism within it.

Cause they, you know, they believe in saints and, um, I love

going into Catholic churches.

Like honestly, anywhere I'm at, I, I love to go in and just like, look

at the artwork is just incredible.

and then just like, you know, the, um, the traditions and the ceremonies and

Like rituals?

Yes, the rituals.

Thank you.

I've just like lighting the candles and all those things, but how does it

differ for you now being a tarot reader and an intuitive, like, did you notice

any of those things for yourself?

Like thinking, I can't do that because I'm Catholic, and even though Catholicism

is mystical in its own right, looking anything beyond that was framed as bad.

I, that's exactly how I felt, was I felt as if it was, um, bad,

anything that I explored outside of that.

Uh, but I had always had, um, clear sentience and clear cognizance.

And I didn't have the words to articulate that at that time.

And it, yeah, there's a lot of, um, interesting moments in my life

where I've recognized my intuitive abilities, but I just like put it down.

I'm like, Oh, well, this is something that everybody experiences.

Yeah.

Or could you say it was like, oh, it's the Holy Spirit telling me that.

Like in Mormonism, that's what we

Yeah, it's the Holy Spirit.

Yes.

The,

The Holy Spirit is telling me to come do this one.

In actuality, when you actually sit and think of it, it's like,

yeah, it's my intuition, which...

yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

So I, yeah, um, even that, my mom, I slowly hint at her that I am a psychic.

And she knows, like, parents know who their kids are.

And that's something I've learned through nannying and working as a pediatric nurse.

And she's like, it's the Holy Spirit!

And it makes me laugh.

And it can be spirit, um, but also, everyone has very specific,

intuitive gifts to them.

And, um, I didn't discover that until I met people like me in my adult life now.

And, um, yeah, I definitely felt a lot of shame around that.

Like, um, I shouldn't be experiencing this, or like, I didn't want to tell

people because they would get weirded out.

And,

Sure.

Was it like friends at school or?

Yeah, friends at school, I was always, I think, um, I was pretty

shy and quiet, but like, I think my intuition protected me from a lot of

things, um, and a lot of people that

Yeah

were harmful.

But I think what's so interesting is that in school you're

taught to question everything,

Hmm, yeah

And break things up with evidence, and even in nursing I became

such a logical person from that.

But also, like, I've always been attuned to what other people need,

So sometimes, like, for me now, like, um, birthdays come to mind, and I'll,

like, ask a friend whose birthday, or, like, a patient or something when I

have patients, whose birthday is this?

And they'll be like, oh, that's my sister's birthday, that's so weird.

And I'm like, yep.

I mean.

Yeah, because how do you approach that?

Because you don't know where somebody is in their spiritual journey.

Like, it might shut somebody down because they're like, oh, I identify as Christian

and anyone that has psychic ability, that's, you know, that's the devil's work.

Not saying that all Christians do that.

Christians don't come for me, don't come for me.

Yeah.

But you know, what I mean?

Like,

Yes, definitely.

It's, it's, they have that mentality.

And I think that, um, I have such a deep reverence for religion.

And even, like, growing up Catholic, there's a lot of things

that I do respect about it.

Um, but then I studied world religions.

And so I studied psychology because I'm was so confused as to why my parents and

people around me behave the way they did.

And, like, psychology's like, why do you behave the way you do?

Because of the way you think.

But then world religions is like, why do you believe the things you do?

And then nursing is how, um, does it show up for me physically in the world.

And for world religions, like, it's all, not that it's all the

same, they, they definitely differ.

But there's, um, a couple of books about the seven truths

that are in all religions.

And I just, I personally believe in a higher power and that it doesn't have to

be maintained only by what is in a book.

Yeah.

Because you're living your day to day life experiences.

And interacting with the world and the universe and whatever

higher power you believe in.

Yeah.

So, where, what part of the country did you grow up?

I grew up in California, in Northern San Francisco Bay Area.

That must have been a cool place to grow up.

It was!

I like, yeah, like, uh, my parents moved around a lot, um,

because we were renting homes.

But I did grow up, um, near YouTube headquarters.

And I got to see the start of, like, tech in Silicon Valley.

Super cool.

Which was really interesting, and like, the rise of all that,

like, back in 2006, and I think, um, we all got, like, more online.

Yeah, for sure.

I think it was good.

I think, I love living on the coast.

I currently live on the east coast, um, in New York City.

And San Francisco and New York City are both international cities.

So, I would say they're a lot more progressive than other parts of

the country, and they're a lot more influenced by, um, other countries.

Like here in New York City is very influenced by a European and the

reason why it's so fast is because the Dominican Republic is right there

and they always think Dominicans are like the fastest talking

Oh my gosh, yes, I have friends who are Dominican and he's like

literally like the fastest speaker ever.

I'm like, okay, you gotta slow down bro, like

Yeah, like,

And he's a Gemini also, so it's like the double, yeah.

Worse, but it's even faster.

That's so funny.

Yeah, like a Gemini with, um, Dominican Republic background.

Yeah, it's very fast.

And I like the fast pace of living here, um, and how progressive they are.

And they're a lot more direct.

And, but it's because of the countries that are around here, right?

Versus like the countries next to Mexico is a lot, like,

more slower paced countries.

Like in Central America.

I would say it's slower than South America.

Yeah.

It's almost like kind of like islandy vibes in a way, like if you think

about islanders are kind of, for the most part, just, you know, kind

of march to the beat of their own drum and are on their own time.

Like I think about friends from Hawaii when I was in college and they were

just always like, did we chalk did we chalk it up to Mormon standard time?

Which Mormons run late.

Or is it are they also an island time?

And it didn't help that they were both Mormon and Islanders.

So it's like double whammy.

So it's like, it's not 30 minutes now because it's double.

So now they're an hour late just like easy breezy and just walk in.

And like, I'm here like, dude, you're an hour late, but it's

just like, oh, but we're here.

Exactly, they're like the all that matters is my presence.

Yeah.

Yeah, just like, Oh, there's what is time, you know, and I've gotten more

appreciative of that, but, um, so growing up in California and now you're living

in the greatest city in the world.

I love New York City.

Like, I feel like in a past life, I lived in New York.

And so I really like anytime I'm there, I think about it.

Like my soul just becomes like, is on fire.

Just thinking about it.

Um, but back in San Francisco growing up, you, just in our coaching group,

you had mentioned that you went to a Christian high school and then you went to

Christian

a Christian university.

What was that experience like?

Cause already, obviously you were still discovering yourself.

How did you end up at a Christian college?

So, money's always been a factor in, like, my, my family, and,

I remember feeling, like, shamed if we didn't have enough money.

But we had moved, I went to public high school, um, In San Francisco, the Bay

Area, peninsula, and then, um, we had to move halfway through, after my sophomore

year, across the East, the East Bay.

So because I wasn't in the district any longer, I couldn't stay at the high

school that I wanted to graduate from.

We had applied and we had appealed with the district for me to

still go to the high school, but we weren't sure where to go.

My parents really wanted to put me into private education.

And I actually went to, um, an all girls Catholic high school for a second there

at the beginning of my junior year.

It reminded me of Hogwarts, this place.

Yeah, I can imagine.

And you had to wear, like, a plaid skirt and, like, do things.

But I remember telling my mom, I was like, Mom, if I get a B, I'm gonna start

crying because the tuition here is 20k.

Like, as a high schooler.

And, um, I have, like, my grades were always really good.

I had, like, I was straight A's until, um, maybe my sophomore year, I definitely

started to struggle a lot more.

Um, and later on, got diagnosed with ADHD.

And I realized that's what played a factor into it.

And then we actually ended up going to a private Christian high school.

My mom put me in there.

It was a little bit cheaper in tuition and way closer to where we lived.

And, um, that was hard because of my concept of love.

And I had to be in Bible classes.

Um,

And, like, um, you couldn't dance either at the proms.

Quotation mark, quotation mark.

Um,

So was this was this church, like a church of Christ?

No, it was, um, it was just a Christian, non

denominational, um, high school,

but you couldn't dance either.

Interesting.

yeah, you couldn't dance, and it was also interesting because you would

call everybody your brothers and sisters.

We did that in Mormonism too.

Yeah.

And, um, even though you called brothers and sisters, it's like, oh

my gosh, like, I have a cru like, my friend would be like, I have a crush on,

like, my brother, like, that's weird, like, that's really weird to say, like,

Yeah.

It, so, like, it was interesting in, like, the concept of love.

We were always, like, unconditional love with one another.

Which is, like, funny to think about.

I actually think that, um, a lot of, like, relationships actually are conditional,

like, if it's not reciprocated, like, it's not, it's just, it's funny, it's like,

as high schoolers, like, we're just all calling each other brothers and sisters.

And, um, I did love worship, and like, like, worship music during the

time, we had chapel every Wednesday, we'd have to go to at my high school.

And I always, I loved being the new person, too, there, I always was,

um, good at adapting to people, because we moved so many times.

And I've always been a social person.

But I definitely read more of the Bible there than I ever had, like, ever,

At that Christian,

At that Christian high school, and I became very devout.

And I was like, this is what's right, because that's what's around you,

and that's what you're exposed to.

Yeah, for sure.

Like, even for, when my cousin came out to me at that time, I was

like, well, in my mind, like, all I've been told is that that's wrong.

Yeah.

And I told him, I was like I still love you, but I

don't know, I think that's wrong.

Because that's the only thing I knew, the only way I knew how to think.

And it's hard.

And like now we're actually super, super close and she's a school psychologist

for a couple of high schools, my cousin.

And, um, she's helped me out in my coming out journey as well.

and like, we've had a lot of conversations about what actual like love looks like.

And then at Christian University, I got a scholarship to go there,

which is why I decided to go there.

And even there we had chapel, and it was like, like sex isn't allowed before

marriage, like it's not like good for you to have sex, and so I denied those

parts of myself for a very long time.

Which I think is extremely important to your health and, like, even as a

nurse and even at, like, working in, like, urgent care as a people and,

like, and, and, like, the concept of, of, the topic of sex and, and

love is a whole other conversation that I could talk on for hours.

Oh, you're, you're talking about just like general, like

basic sexual developmental milestones.

Yes, sexual developmental milestones, um, weren't reached for me.

And, like, I, like, really couldn't, like, be myself.

And then, like, I had a couple of dates with some guys here and there, and then,

oh, I had to leave, um, my university because of, I was studying psychology

there, and I was there for two years.

Um, and we, like, studied social psych, and, like, how do people

interact with the world, and, like, um.

And we got to do a lot of public experiments, which I loved um, because

you get to see how people behave, and, like, you just observe them.

And then my world religions class I actually felt was a little bit biased

in some sense because of it, but we did get to go see like synagogues and stuff.

And then I lost my scholarship because I failed how to navigate online ironically.

Oh no!

Yeah, like I got an A in neuropsych and I got an A in

like all these other classes.

But, and that's when I like got diagnosed for ADHD, and I realized

that I was like different in a sense in the way that I learned.

Mm.

And how harder it was for me to learn certain things because

you have different access to a different part of your brain.

Which is also very common in a lot of people that are very intuitive.

Yeah.

Mm

They tend to have ADHD or autism and they have another,

um, part of their brain.

And it's interesting because you can see it.

In nursing we learned, um, the different parts of your brain that are activated.

And you could like visually see it after like, um, a scan.

And then I was like, I don't know what I want to do, if I really want

to be a psychologist, I'd have to be in school for another, like, four

years, and get my master's degree, and, like, that would just take too

long, and, like, I'm unhappy here.

And I was really struggling with depression at the time.

All I really wanted at the time was, like, a relationship,

because I was, like, 19 or 18.

um, and everyone around me, especially in Christianity, they

started getting married super early.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Especially because if you can't like have the sexual component,

like that's why you get married is to then, you know, have sex.

And so then it's really as, this working.

Like I have, that was my experience that happened with like people that

I know that, that weren't Mormon but like married because you know,

you're not supposed to have sex.

A lot of them are divorced now.

Yeah.

It's really interesting that, I wonder if you notice this, I noticed this

later, like decades later, that there was such an emphasis on, does this person

that I'm told that I'm supposed to be with, do they check all these boxes?

Right?

I don't know if you were told this, but like, you know, are they a man of God?

Check.

Will they be able to support our family?

Check.

Like just all very, just very superficial and not like, what are...

no connection and chemistry.

Actual connection, chemistry.

Ideologically, do we match up well?

Just because we have this religious component, and you know, we're expected

to believe the same things, but how do we feel about politics or money or,

especially in Christianity, when you get married so quickly, there's, the period

that you date somebody isn't a lot.

So you don't get to see a lot of things like how do they react when they're angry?

Or how do, what's their fighting style?

All these

Their attachment styles.

Yeah.

Exactly.

All these things that we're learning now as like, much more

fully formed adults once we've separated ourselves from religion.

It's very interesting.

Not saying that people in religion can't do that,

Yes.

But I feel like for me personally, it was much easier

to just believe what was put in front of me and not question it.

Mm hmm.

Because then, you know, then I could focus on other things, right?

I could just say, this is what I was told to believe.

And this is doctrine and I don't need to go outside it because, and it was until I

got much older than I was like, but wait, there's like other things out there that

Interests.

are much more interesting to me, like how people interact with

one another, like relationships are really fascinating to me, like how

people get into a relationship and how their relationship works and,

Yeah.

you know, all those things.

And, I was just very, very innocent and naive, but it's just interesting

to see that, like, you were always very curious about that.

You were like, oh, I, I want to know how things work and I want to research

this and I'm questioning all of this.

And it's just so fascinating to see how we both have kind of ended up in this similar

realm of spirituality when our journey started out completely differently.

You know, I was just very naive, didn't question a whole lot.

I don't know if it's just like my personality type to not question people.

Huh.

But I have gotten more curious as I've gotten older,

Mm hmm.

Mm

I wonder if it's also just like our souls.

Like if you think about souls in general, like the versions of our

souls and how they come to be.

It's definitely relationships and especially a relationship

with other people and religion are extremely complex and dynamic.

And your curiosity is something that I actually really love about you.

Like, that's why I think I'm super drawn to you, too.

Um, and your ability to question things.

But I think I was also very naive and innocent, in a sense.

And the reason I questioned it more is because it wasn't working for me.

I think a lot of people, if it works for them and it puts their

mind at ease, uh, they'll just go ahead with any, almost anything.

Cause it's just like the path of least resistance.

Yeah.

But for me it wasn't working because I was obese, didn't have like,

a partner, even though I wrote down those specific qualities that you were

saying, like, about like a man like, being this specific way, he has to look

this exact, or like, he's not, he's like, love God, be on paper, um, but in

relationship and dynamics it's different.

Yeah, for sure.

And I do think like, our souls definitely aligned, ended up in a similar

manner although we took different paths.

Yeah, it's just interesting how like our souls, like,

cause I believe now that, like even within Mormonism, there's this belief that we

all lived in this, like, it's called the pre existence, so pre, pre Earth life.

And we were all there together in this pre Earth life together,

everybody that's on Earth now.

Oh.

And so if we think about it, like taking Mormonism

out of it, I believe our souls have different lifetimes, right?

I don't know what, what iteration I'm on now, like what number of

life I'm on now, but I know that the people that I've met in this lifetime

are people that I've known before.

Like, one example for that I can use that I know specifically is my fiancee.

Like I know that when I met him like holy shit I've known this person before and

I've not ever felt that with anybody else.

And it's just interesting to me just, now just noticing different things like

oh like my very best friend like, there was something about her and another life

that's come into this life with me and we're just on the same path together.

And it's beautiful to see that we're just like, our souls are

just aligning, realigning again.

And it's just really really cool to think about it No matter way, whether

it's the Mormon frame of it or now It's like oh everybody that we meet

in this lifetime Was there before and we'll meet again in a different

version in this and it just we don't know when we're gonna meet them, right?

Like I could have known you in a different life.

And what is it?

What did that look like?

I think it's curious.

I, I just get very curious and I actually, um, I got into past life

regression, um, for a while too because I didn't believe in it for like so long.

I was like, I, cause I'm very much a skeptical person, and that's the thing

is, cause I was trained to be logical.

And the last three years I've been training myself to be illogical, and like,

and just follow and trust my intuition and it's led me to the most beautiful

places I could ever like imagine.

And, but, so, like, I'm very skeptical of all that stuff with past life, but,

your soul does have a recognition.

There's a couple of books that I do read, um, I read actually a lot.

There's like, um, The Mountain is You, I think it's by Brianna West,

and also, um, A Course in Miracles.

And both of them talked about how, um, there's about 50 people in this, like,

lifetime that, like, reincarnate with you.

And, um, and you have a soul recognition.

And not just, like, similar patterns in behavior, but

soul recognition is different.

And, I've definitely felt that with, like, certain past lovers or, like, friendships.

Hmm.

that were felt to like guide me in a sense.

And when I did a past life regression, it was really wild.

I actually recorded it.

Um, and we were in a class.

I took a class by this shaman and she's a doctor.

And I met her, um, through one of the hospitals that I worked at.

And her name is Dr.

Bonnie Russell.

All of her stuff is great.

She recorded us having our past life regressions.

She would take us back through the meditation, and then we would be

saying what we felt in the past life.

And like, in my past life, my sister was like a man, my sister and I

were both men, and we were friends,

Huh.

Which was really interesting.

And then like, um, I was definitely a healer in my past life.

I am in this life too.

Yeah, definitely.

It was really interesting to see like everyone do that.

And then we would practice on each other.

So, um, I would practice on the other person, I would meditate on them.

Not for their past life, but like what they currently are doing in this life.

And then we would verbatim tell each other what we experienced them doing.

And I never met any of these people prior to this class.

And it was wild, like my, the guy that had, um, meditated on me, he told me,

he was like, you love birdwatching.

And like, that morning I had birdwatched for an hour and a half.

And like, I never stop and do that.

But, when you start practicing it for yourself and start like, being open

and observant, and like, having faith, like, and believing, like, you're gonna

see it show up everywhere in your life.

Like, as long as you have that openness within you.

Um, I think a lot of times we block it off because of fear

Oh, yeah.

Fear just is like destroys everything.

It's so much.

Closes you off to so much.

Yeah, and there's always initially gonna be any fear any time

you're experiencing anything new.

Absolutely.

It's just a shock to the nervous system a bit.

Thank you so much for listening to part one of Kaide's episode.

We will be back with part two and much more for you after the holiday season.

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time out to give us a listen and

we ask for continued support and I hope that everyone has an absolute blissful

and wonderful and restful holiday.

Take care.

See you next time.

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