The Growing Up Years: Ages Birth to 20

When a man is in his teenage years, people with good intentions will ask, “What are your plans for the future?” Fewer than 10% of us have a real plan at that age, but we make one up so that we don’t disappoint those who believe in us.

I tell teenage boys the truth when I sense they are feeling adrift. “It is rare to know at your age what you want to do with your life, but people will often ask you as though you are supposed to know. But the real truth is this: If you have your head completely out of your ass by the time you are 30, you are way ahead of the game.”

The Education Years: Ages 20 to 30

Regulated careers – engineer, lawyer, doctor – require a young man with a plan. The rest of us just bumble along and learn from our mistakes.

People assume that a man who “plans his work and works his plan” is more disciplined and has a higher I.Q. than those of us who bumble. But I believe it is better to aim your temperament than try and change it.

Planners prefer structure. Bumblers prefer adventure. This doesn’t mean Bumblers are less visionary, less disciplined, less committed, or less intelligent. They just prefer to improvise, innovate, and impress, rather than plan, schedule, and execute.

Planners tend to become professionals. Bumblers tend to become business owners, tradesmen, salespeople, consultants, worker bees, or bums.

As of January 2024, there were 1,100,101 physicians in America. The average primary care doctor in America makes $265,000 a year. Specialists make an average of $382,000, which is about the same annual income as the owner of a modestly successful plumbing or air conditioning company with fewer than 10 employees.

In January of 2023, there were 1,331,290 lawyers in America earning an average annual income of $100,626 a year. Lawyers in the 75th percentile make about $103,000. Top earners make an average of $131,000, which is about the same as a modestly successful salesperson working for a local TV or radio station.

Like I said, a man’s path forward has more to do with temperament than anything else. To force a man to behave outside his temperament is cruel and unusual punishment.

The Acquisition Years: Ages 30 to 40

For most men, the years between 30 and 40 are about gaining experience and status and possessions as we quietly struggle and claw our way upward. Adrenaline is our drug of choice. Conspiracy theories, video games, sports betting, fishing boats, sports cars and motorcycles provide us a way of escape. These are the years when onlookers say, “The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.”

But in spite of our visible successes, we cannot quiet the inner voice that whispers, “If other people knew you the way that I know you, they would know what a phony you are.”

It is no coincidence that Henry David Thoreau was just over 30 when wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

The saddest of all men stay in toy-gathering mode for the rest of their lives, wanting only to make more money and a bigger name for themselves. When such a man reaches 60 and looks back at his 30th birthday, he hasn’t really gained 30 years of experience. He has had one year’s experience 30 times. But he doesn’t know how to do anything else.

Having never discovered his soul, he goes to his grave with his song still in him.

The Elevation Years: Ages 40 to 50

For about 80 percent of American men, the decade beween 40 and 50 is when we will make our mark on the world. The big leaps forward, the fingerprints we leave behind, the stories that will be told when we are gone, usually happen between our 40th and 50th birthdays.

These are the years when we begin to see clearly.

These are the years when we make fewer mistakes.

These are the years when we suck the juice from all of our experiences and make use of the wisdom and energy it gives us.

The Celebration Years: Ages 50 to 60

Having worked 30 years at making a life, we now begin to think about making a difference.

These are the years when men discover the value in genuine relationships, sincere spirituality, and honest confession. In essence, we come face-to-face with our feminine side.

We look at our life partners and realize how lucky we are.

We look at our children and grandchildren and realize how lucky we are.

We stop and smell the roses and make lemonade.

The Distribution Years: somewhere beyond 60

Robert Frost had just turned 60 when he wrote, “Neither Out Far Nor In Deep,” a poem that describes how we live our lives longing for a future that never arrives.

The people along the sand

All turn and look one way.

They turn their back on the land.

They look at the sea all day.

As long as it takes to pass

A ship keeps raising its hull;

The wetter ground like glass

Reflects a standing gull.

The land may vary more;

But wherever the truth may be,

The water comes ashore,

And the people look at the sea.

They cannot look out far.

They cannot look in deep.

But when was that ever a bar

To any watch they keep?

It is in the years after 60 that men begin to give away all that we have gathered in the hope that we can make a difference.

These are the years when we sail the great oceans and peer into the deep and learn to sing.

Apology:

Perhaps young women are exactly like young men, perhaps not. I can’t say, because I was never a girl, and I never had a daughter.

I am aware that today’s memo excludes half the population, but I felt it would be safer to speak only of what I know, rather than speculate and be wrong. So ladies, I hope you will understand that I am honoring you by not pretending that I understand the pressures and frustrations, troubles and triumphs, joys and aspirations of women.

But I do understand men.

Roy H. Williams

Michelle D. Gladieux has advised hundreds of companies like Best Buy, General Dynamics, Lincoln Financial, and Medtronic, on how their executives and employees can communicate more effectively. Michelle is one of 21 Monday Morning Radio guests showcased in All You Can Eat Business Wisdom, a new book compiled by deputy reporter Maxwell Rotbart. (I’ve been told the wizard is in it, by the way. – Indy) This week, on Michelle’s second podcast appearance, she delves deeper into the perfect triangle of (1.) effective communications, (2.) career advancement, and (3.) life satisfaction. What you say, how you say it, and how you listen, really do matter. MondayMorningRadio.com