In this episode, Big Party and Molly dive into a topic that hits way too close to home for a lot of couples — staying in relationships long after the connection is gone.

What happens when you don’t hate your partner… you just don’t like them anymore?

Is the relationship actually over, or are you both just quietly checking out?

They break down:

1. Why people stay even when they’re unhappy
2. What “unconscious uncoupling” really looks like
3. The subtle signs someone has emotionally disengaged
4. Why humor sometimes becomes a coping mechanism instead of a solution

If you’ve ever felt like you’re in a relationship that’s technically intact but emotionally disconnected, this one’s for you.

Listen, laugh, and maybe ask yourself a couple uncomfortable questions.

Don’t miss out on new episodes of The Big Party Show dropping every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and The After Party on Tuesdays.

Wherever you get podcasts!

The After Party Unfiltered Podcast with Big Party and Molly is coming soon on Thursdays

Buy The Big Party Show merch!

Visit our website! www.bigpartyshow.com

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This is the after party with Big party and Molly, where we overshare for entertainment and call it healing.

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Employee of the month.

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We're going to get to know dumb questions here in a little bit.

That is the after party line.

All right, what are we getting into the unconscious?

Uncoupling.

What is that?

Uncoupling?

So it's this new sort of term for relationships.

It's something that's probably been going on, but there's one person who wrote a column about it, and she's like, I am coining this phrase.

The idea is, is you're dating someone, and they.

They basically, like, they don't like you anymore.

Okay.

And instead of breaking up with you, they just treat you like someone they don't like anymore.

Like, they're annoyed with you.

They just, like.

Like, you're happy, they're annoyed.

You're.

You are.

You're sad, they're angry.

Like, what are you stinking sad about?

Like, it's just.

They don't.

They don't want to make plans anymore.

They don't want to.

They don't want to go out with you.

They don't want to see your friends.

Oh, my God, this sounds awful, right?

But, like, you're in this relationship, and so you're, like, basically telling your friends.

You're like, he's just going through a tough.

Like, he's just going through a rough spot.

Like, work is so stressful and everything like that.

And your friends are basically, like, he didn't like you anymore.

Like, he's.

I. I don't know what to tell you.

And there's aggressive, like, subreddit thing, like, on relationships, and people write in about, like, okay, so I'm seeing this person, and they, you know, they take forever to text me back or, you know, like, I try to call, and it's always like, they're busy.

They can't talk.

Like, all this.

All this stuff that basically is like, if they liked you, they wouldn't treat you this way.

They would not treat you that way at all.

Oh, my God.

So it's called unconscious uncoupling.

Because no one's saying, I don't like you.

No one's saying, I want to break up.

No one's doing any of the action.

Everybody's just soaking in the despondency of.

Of a relationship.

That sounds.

It sounds terrifying because I was like, I think I've been in this before.

Absolutely, you have.

Everyone has.

And I think maybe you've probably been on each side of it.

I know.

I probably have as well.

I mean, think about that.

You.

All those things that you said, like, they just don't like you anymore.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the beginning of the end.

What amazes me dated a guy once where we were meeting.

We were meeting people out for dinner.

Okay.

And it was one of those, like, I'll meet you there.

Like, we were coming from separate places, and he.

He never showed up.

Oh.

And so it's like this Awkward thing because it's like four couples, and I'm just.

I'm sitting there and is this a

relationship or is this dating?

Yes.

Okay.

All right.

No, no, no.

Like, we were.

We were sort of living together.

Okay.

So I. I come home and he's just hanging out.

He just didn't feel like coming.

He was like, just didn't feel like coming.

Yeah.

Like, you know that I sat there with three other couples because it was a four couple trip, quadruple date, and you just didn't.

Yeah, I'm like, you could have text me.

You could have called.

Was he phone told me.

Did you have the.

Was this a phone time?

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like, it was like, we could have.

Like, I sent him a text.

Like, are you on your way?

Nothing.

Like, I mean, that kind of.

And to me, I'm like, that was such unconscious uncoupling.

Like, I just didn't feel like it.

Total disrespect.

Yeah.

Like, hanging out at home.

Like, just hanging out at home.

Like, not like things got crazy at the office or my mom fell down the stairs, or I fell down the stairs.

And I've been waiting for you to come home because I haven't been able to move.

I mean, none of that, like, hanging out.

Just didn't want to come.

Like, people suck.

People.

Last week we talked about that Alpine divorce.

Is that what it was called?

Where people are, like, going out into the wilderness and hiking and then leaving people.

Leaving people.

Wylene and I. Wylene listen to that podcast, and she was like, that's.

That's awful that people do that.

And I go, I know.

I mean, if you got ghosted like that in the woods, Think about that.

I mean, what would you do if I did that to you?

She said the same thing that I said to her.

I said I would sit there.

I would be so concerned about what happened to you.

Yeah.

And then eventually, you got to make it your way back to the car, thinking, oh, maybe they got lost and they're at the car.

Right.

Because you think that's base camp.

Right.

Like, you're like, everybody's gonna make their way back to.

Back to that one place.

Yeah.

And then you get there and there's no car.

That one's really the slap in the face.

Oh, my God.

Like, you're like, he's just a car.

Yes.

I couldn't even believe it.

We're talking about.

I'm like, I would never do that.

I would be stuck out there by myself waiting for you to show Back up.

If you decided to, I mean, I would think that you got lost someone at that point.

You'd be so PTSD that, like, anytime you went on a walk with a friend, you'd be like, give me the keys.

You're like, what are you talking about?

I'd be like, give me your car keys.

Nobody's going anywhere without me.

Give me the keys.

Give me the keys.

I mean, it almost breaks my heart to think that.

I mean, I just.

I'm just diving in deep here.

That.

To think that that happened to Wylene.

I would feel so sad if someone did that to you guys.

I would just.

I mean, that's just heartbreaking.

Just the trauma that you would go through.

I think I would know, but I

think I would just, like, just rage.

Like, there'd be so much anger.

Like, I think it would actually, like, I don't even know where I would put all the.

All.

All the.

The rage.

It start with skin underneath your nails and then scratch across dude's face.

I mean.

Yeah, it was.

I mean, geez.

I mean, I think back to.

I think back to.

I just didn't feel like coming, and I was like, you.

You're so brave to be in the same room with me.

Say those words.

You are so stupid to like, I can't.

Do you realize what's going to happen?

I have.

I have to kill you.

Like, I've got to kill you now.

This sucks.

This was not on my bingo card for today.

God, that reminds me of the movie, the Breakup with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston.

Remember?

It was like that.

Yes.

That made me so sad.

I mean, my.

You know, when a breakup.

You go through a breakup and you have this feeling in your chest.

It's like.

It feels like a broken heart, and it's just heavy and it just.

Oh, my God.

It just sits there and I can feel it.

I can remember what it feels like right now.

Watching that movie gave me that.

It gave me the breakup feeling.

And I think that's what this alpine divorce in this unconscious uncoupling is doing to me right now.

So, yeah, it's making.

It's.

It's that moment where you realize that even if you yell at this, like, even if you say to this person, like, I am done.

I am so done.

We are so broken up.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that they don't care or if anything, they're relieved.

Yes.

You know, like, it's kind of like, at least be sad or upset about the fact that I'M ending things.

But the fact that they're like, thank you.

You're right.

Oh, my God.

That is the word.

We're like, no.

This is when you are gutted.

This is when you, like, can't even breathe.

You're so upset because I am ending things.

This is so over.

And they're like, okay, oh, God.

I'll tell you what this is.

Sometimes.

This is what my advice always is.

If you want to break up with someone, do it.

It's kind of like pulling the band aid off.

Just do it.

Because what's going to happen is that person most likely will do it before you do it.

And then what will happen then is that you will all of a sudden feel so sad and depressed that the relationship didn't work, even though you didn't want to be in it anymore.

I've seen that happen so many times, Molly.

You had that happen.

I just say, dump them.

Don't stick it out, because they're going to dump you if this thing isn't working.

And then all of this stuff that you didn't like, all of a sudden, you're going to like, oh, I love it when she does this.

You hated it a minute ago.

You'.

You're gonna hate it again.

I have done.

I, I, I do remember one relationship where in the span of, like, three or four hours, I broke up with a guy and then talked him back into going out with me.

Humans.

Good God.

And he did it.

He, like.

I remember him completely sobbing when I broke up with him.

He was, he was totally blindsided.

And I was like, I think we have to break up.

Yeah.

And then he was like, sobbing.

And then I was like, I'm so glad I broke up with you because, like, why you're crying about this?

Like, oh, no.

And then as time went on, I was like, do I really want to do this?

Like, stuff's coming.

Stuff's coming up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I was like, you know what?

Let's give it another shot.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Going back to the well, this is never a good idea.

It really isn't.

There's a reason, you know, it ended.

And, and like I said, all of a sudden, all the things that drove you crazy, you, like, forgot about it.

And then you get back into it, and you're like, oh, my God.

Thank God Peter came along.

Yeah.

Thank God that beautiful, patient.

Yes, Loving patient man came along and saw me for all of my tricks and was just like, okay, like, you're gonna, you're gonna just keep lashing out that's fine.

Like, you just.

You do your thing where I'm like, I don't even know if I want to be in this anymore.

Because you know what?

You're so thoughtful.

And that's just bs.

You're not really thoughtful.

You're trying to trick me into thinking how thoughtful you are.

You're like, no, I actually.

Yeah.

You're like, well, what's the other.

Where's the other shoe?

All right, we're gonna get to a couple.

No dumb questions again.

You can.

This is Brandy.

She's in Benson.

All right.

So she says, I have.

I totally have a hard, harmless crush on the bartender at Obviously in Benson.

At our neighborhood spot.

I would never act on it.

Is it normal to have a little fantasy crush when you're married, or is that emotional cheating?

How often are you going there?

And do you take your husband.

Let's ask that.

I don't think it's emotional cheating.

Okay.

It's just a crush.

I was gonna say, I think that you get married, you're not dead.

Yeah.

I mean, you still are like that as a very attractive person or.

Oh, my God, I love that person's personality.

You still have us.

The difference is, is that, like you said, how often are you going there just to, like.

I mean, it's one thing if you're like, I have a crush on this guy.

And whenever we're there, like, my girls do, my girlfriends do a weekly meetup at this bar, and he works that night, and it's fun.

Like, it's a fun thing to do.

But if you're, like, basically, you know, stalking the place and no.

His schedule and, I mean, then that.

That has drifted into a little bit of not emotional cheating, but, like, check yourself.

Like, that's gone into someplace different.

But I don't think Peter told me.

Like, if he was like, oh, my God, the waitress, I'd be like, yeah, she's stinking hot.

Like, I would hope that you still.

Peter's like, I mean, can I.

You know that you're with the hottest person in this restaurant, right?

For sure.

You know, he's like, Well, I mean, when you say with, you mean, like, the server.

Yeah.

I just don't.

I mean, I don't think it's emotional cheating.

It just.

It's just.

What are you doing with it?

I mean, you know, if you're just showing up there with a girlfriend And.

And that's kind of your muse to.

To.

To flirt with the guy, then.

Yeah, you.

You got some issues on that one.

Because, I mean, but if you're just going.

And that's what you do, who cares if it's a.

A little crush?

Don't tell your husband that, because if

he's not, who cares if you're flirty?

Well, I mean, I'm just saying, flirty isn't anything, but she's.

I'm a firm believer.

She says this.

She has a little fantasy crush.

Fantasy.

Him crashing down through the door, saving her.

Here, jump into my arms.

Brandy and Benson.

You're already.

You're already mad and breaking up with her based on.

You're like, you know what?

Go ahead, take him.

I know he already crashed through the.

She's like, he.

I. I don't even think this guy knows my name.

Like, gonna be crashing through the door, huh?

Yeah.

No, Brandy, I think you're doing okay.

It's all right.

We all have to have our own little.

Like I said, just don't say anything to the husband if you have that little fantasy crushed, you know?

Don't.

Don't do that.

Guys get jealous, Molly.

Guys will get jealous.

I'm telling you.

If you really?

Yes, guys.

Not all guys get jealous.

It depends on what kind of.

Everyone gets jealous.

It's just how you handle it.

You know, if you went to Peter and said, I just had cocktails with my friends, and this bartender or waiter was just fantastic.

His muscles were popping.

I wish that he would have just threw me over his shoulders and took me to the back seat of my car.

I think Peter would be upset.

I would be upset.

He'd be like, how many cocktails did you have?

I just wanted him to take me out to the car.

You'd be like, I don't think you should have been driving.

I hope you took a cab home.

We'll go and get the car tomorrow.

My God, woman.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

He's like, see, this is what happens when you go to book club.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what.

Sometimes Wylan gets tacked, you know, and there, for some reason, I get in this weird spot of wanting to know who's texting, you know?

I'm like, who is it?

But I don't.

I don't go there.

I don't think.

I don't know.

It's like.

She's like, yeah, you do.

I'm not that guy.

You know?

Like, I keep my phone up, and then we have an email from somebody Wanted to know about the phone over.

Yeah, because they had a guy that was like, phone down.

Didn't ever like getting weird texts at weird times.

That was highly suspect.

Like, that was definitely in the.

I didn't feel right.

I put my phone on a.

Like a washcloth next to me turned over at night.

So that way.

Because.

Have you ever put your phone on a table or whatever and it.

When.

When there's a vibrating call or a text that vibrates the.

The table?

My.

My phone doesn't vibrate.

Okay.

Mine does mind set on vibrate.

And so.

And also, if it's turned over, not turned over.

When that text comes in, it just lights up the whole room.

Oh.

Yeah.

So, yeah, there's that.

That's what I do.

And.

And when we do these, like, we did that 12 pods of Christmas, we got another thing coming up here in a couple weeks.

I have to do that because the amount of entries that come through, it just buzzes and buzzes and buzzes.

Okay.

Yeah.

So, yeah, that's.

That's how I just keep my phone.

Anyway.

I think it's by habit.

I don't know.

You don't.

You don't vibrate your phone.

Huh?

It's sound.

Yeah, it's sound.

Or it's off.

It's silent.

When it's silenced, it'll vibrate.

Okay.

Yeah, but when the sound is on.

No.

And I. I mean.

Huh.

I thought only old people did that.

All right.

Why would.

What do you mean, old people?

I don't know.

I just thought old, elderly people.

I mean, you've been doing gentle yoga.

Well, you might be picking up on some of their habits, you know, because they have their.

Their.

Their sound on.

And so whenever there's a text, it's like.

Or something.

It's like, God dang, turn it off.

I know.

I silence it at yoga.

I mean, I silence it at work.

I silence it at yoga.

Like, I'm constantly toggling between it being silent and then it vibrates and the sound on.

I usually leave the sound on when it's.

When I'm in the house or doing whatever.

But I will say a quick side note about gentle yoga.

Somebody is getting the.

The word is out.

There were four of us this week.

What do you mean?

Didn't belong in there.

I go, and it's just me and the old ladies.

There's one old guy, there's me, and then it's nothing but a bunch of patties and Shirley's.

Okay.

And this week there were four of us that were Four that were not part of the age group.

And I'm like, is the secret getting out with somebody listening to this podcast and then saying, like, that sounds amazing.

You know what?

I should go and do that.

If you are.

Stop it.

Quit it.

Okay.

Go find your own gentle yoga.

There's not room for all of us because at this point, it's starting to look suspicious.

Probably the podcast.

Molly, you know, gentle yoga, Seriously.

So we mentioned something.

There's a new bachelor party trend that's happening right now, and I found this so interesting.

We're going into wedding season, I guess bridesmaids, they love this new trend.

It's.

It's better than a stripper is what it is.

They're hiring magicians.

How strange.

Now they're not magicians that come in and throw off their pants.

They're actually magicians for these parties, mainly because of the fact that they said that they want everybody to be included.

I've never been to a bachelorette party with a stripper.

I don't know how that works.

I just imagine the bachelor or the.

The stripper took care of all the ladies, but apparently that's not so.

It's usually the focus is on the bride.

Okay.

Because, like, everybody else is there, but, like, it's like, who's the bride?

It's like, it's Julie.

She's right there.

Julie's like,

have you ever been to a bachelor party where there was a stripper?

Yeah.

Okay.

You have?

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I've been to.

It's not often.

Yeah.

You know, there's this.

There's this thought that, like, it.

It.

It's at every.

It's not.

It's kind of like a bachelor party.

Like, you've probably been to a bachelor party with the stripper, but it's not every bachelor party.

Like, no, it's not.

Once in a blue moon, and you're like, oh, wow, we got a stripper.

Wow.

I probably only had three personal experiences with, like, a stripper at a party where it's not like a club.

It's like, they showed up.

They've got their boombox.

Okay, all right.

Are they walking in like, a.

Like a pizza delivery, and all of a sudden they, you know, yank their pants off and they have a Speedo on, and they're just doing all this.

It just seems like this.

The male stripper, when you have that at a bachelorette party, it just seems like.

Like it's a.

It's a way of making the.

The future wife feel uncomfortable or something.

Does that make Sense.

I've never been to a bachelor party with a stripper before.

I have not.

Oh, you haven't?

No, I haven't.

There's been opportunity, but I don't.

That's not my thing.

And I think that's dicey stuff.

So the ones that I've been to.

It was a bride on board with it.

Okay.

Like, it was.

It.

It was like, they wouldn't.

You wouldn't.

It's not cheap.

And then.

And then there's money, you know, at the gig.

I mean, so then, you know, it's.

It's not an inexpensive thing to do, so you ought to make sure.

And plus, it's like, it's the bride's night.

Like, you don't want her to feel gross or uncomfortable.

Like, you're not going to do that to your friend.

If you'd like.

Like, nobody got me a stripper.

They know that.

I would have just crawled into a hole and died.

Yeah.

I would have some man grinding up on me.

I've been like, oh, my God.

God.

I would have been psychoanalyzing the guy.

I'd be like, are you okay?

Are you working your way through school?

Is this is how it is?

Listen, just sit down.

The last time we did have a stripper, he did stay and have a drink.

I. I ended up talking to him.

Okay.

I was like that.

Because I went out into the hallway and I was like, thank you so much.

I was like, do you wanna.

Do you want to come in and have a drink?

And you were hitting Molly.

No, he was kind of like, that is so not.

He's like, you know, you guys are a fun.

He's like, yeah, I'll come in.

He's like, I don't have another big.

Right away.

So.

Yeah.

And he came in and it was.

It was fun.

Like, he was a really nice guy.

Like, again, like.

Yeah, you know, I just do this on weekends.

You know, It's a great way to make extra cash.

And usually it's women that are nice.

Was it the Speedo, then?

Is that.

I mean, I'm guessing that's the M.O.

for these Mayo strippers.

Yeah, it's usually like a.

Like a G string or a. I mean, they.

It's not even like a Speedo.

Like, a lot of times.

Like, it's like.

Because you can see the butt cheeks.

Okay, so it's a thong.

Yeah.

Thing.

Okay.

Yeah.

I couldn't even imagine wearing something like that.

I would just be horrible.

You know, it just reminds me of.

I don't know, right Away reminds you of what?

Patty.

Patrick Swayze bit with.

Oh, right, With Chris.

With Chris Farley.

You're totally.

The Chippendales auditions.

You're totally gonna get this.

He's like, no, you've got a shot, too.

And it's him telling Patrick Swayze he's got a shot too.

And they're like, this is so tough.

This is a hard decision to make.

You know?

I know.

That's what it just imagines me to.

If I got to that point where I had to do.

Do something like that, first of all, I wouldn't be hired.

I don't know who the hell would hire this.

You'd be surprised.

But, yeah, I mean, there for everyone.

There's something out there for everyone.

But me putting on a thong or even a speed of some short with my body shape that just be dripping all over the tightness.

I think it'd be so scary as a woman to do private parties.

Oh, God.

They usually have somebody with them.

They do, from what I understand.

They do.

Yeah.

You know, you got to.

I can't trust anyone.

Yeah.

Not like that.

Drunk guys.

I mean, stuff could go sideways.

All it takes is one of them that's poorly.

I mean, it doesn't mean that the friends are okay with it, but it's already happened at that point.

Like, if they all of a sudden grope you or do whatever, like, you can't walk that back.

I mean, it's happened.

That freaks me out like that.

I always feel bad.

Like, I'm like, be safe, you know?

Yeah.

That's why you got.

I turn into a mama.

I turn into a mama bear with these guys.

I'm like, you know what?

I hope you're being safe, Nathan.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know what your next gig is, but I hope these ladies are nice.

Treat you right, because you seem like a very good guy.

So magic takes his clothes off at parties.

Magicians is what they've.

They've moved on to the guys.

Fun.

Yeah, it would be fun.

It's a good magician.

We're not talking about clown, you know, like kids.

No, no, no, no, no.

Not like kids parties.

But no, I think that would be fun.

I also think it's fun to do, like, if you get like a tarot card reader or if you get like a, you know, like somebody who is a medium or something like that.

Something where it's something for everyone, like they're getting their readings or their horoscopes or whatever.

I think that that's also a fun activity.

What about at a bachelor party?

So you can please please everybody.

You can have the medium and you know, the tarot card reader or whatever.

Wearing reader.

We're wearing a thong.

Wearing.

Yes.

Wanda, I love the fact that you're gonna do palm readings, but could you wear a bikini?

We're trying to keep it on.

On topic on.

On concepts where it please really need a lot of skin.

All right.

We like what we have one more question.

This is from Travis.

All right?

He says my co worker disappears for 45 minute bathroom breaks every single day.

Do I call him out or just let management deal with it?

Geez.

Mind your own business.

Right?

Stop timing.

What are you a. Karen, what is wrong?

Why are you complaining?

Is he.

Is there one bathroom and he's taking it up for you?

I used to hide in the bathroom.

I remember doing telemarketing.

Person hiding.

That's not sitting there and hide.

I would just sit in there.

Oh.

Every day for, you know, 15 minutes.

A few times a day is what I would do.

And I would just sit in there.

Sometimes it's your only way to get a break.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, and I'm sure.

I mean, I wasn't on break.

There's the problem there.

No, I'm saying that's a lot of times, like the only time.

Because you don't have a break, that's usually the time you.

You carve out for yourself to be like, I just need five minute reset.

Yeah, gotta.

So I don't know, I think you just.

What did.

What are you.

Do not tell management.

Don't.

And don't call them out.

Hey, you brother.

What's going on?

What's up with your bowels?

Why are you.

For 45 minutes, he called him the bathroom bandit.

Okay, Travis, I think we need to discuss some other things.

Yeah, stop, stop.

Watch timing your co workers.

Bathroom break and click.

Maybe five minutes again.

I mean, when it's that consistent, that's obviously somebody taking a break.

Yes.

Maybe it's a scenario where, you know, the guy leaves in the bathroom for 45 minutes every single day and he's supposed to.

Maybe it's a team building.

Not a team building, but a team effort.

Like now Travis is doing all the work.

Yeah.

This guy's hanging out in the restroom taking a break.

No, I'm gonna change my.

I'm gonna change my.

My answer to you.

Travis, I need you to let management.

Let management know,

okay, Tattletail.

That management is going to be like, oh my God, let's.

Let's get rid of that this guy's trouble.

I think you both have to go now.

Bathroom Guy and narc.

We don't have room for anybody like you on the team.

You, because something's going on with your bowels, and we don't want to deal with it.

And you, because obviously we can't trust you, environment, because you're a little weasel who likes the tattletail.

All right, we're gonna roll out of here.

Thanks for tuning to the after party Tomorrow.

We're gonna chat a little bit about my nose hairs and everything else that got waxed, okay?

So make sure you tune into the big party show podcast on Wednesday.

We will see you then.

Have a safe day and do your.

Ra.