Your desk is covered in sticky notes. There are reminders on your phone, notes in a notebook somewhere, and a running mental list that never seems to stop.

Crossing things off feels productive. It feels responsible. It feels like you're staying on top of everything.

But what if your to do list is helping create the very overwhelm you're trying to escape?

This conversation looks at the hidden comfort of staying busy, why empty space can feel surprisingly uncomfortable, and what might actually be underneath the constant need to keep doing.

If you've been telling yourself things will finally calm down once the list is shorter, this episode invites you to consider a different possibility.

Maybe the list isn't the problem. Maybe it's what the list is helping you avoid.

Resources Mentioned:

• The Should Session: To Stop you from bringing work stress home! Find out exactly what belief is keeping you stuck in should energy. Only 5 spots available, expiring on 10/6/2026.

Work with me:

1. Breakthrough Intensive - You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 1 week later. Book your Breakthrough
2. Exhale: Private Coaching - For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 3 open spots: Work with me

Connect with Sam: Instagram | Facebook

Welcome back to Beyond Awareness. I have an unpopular opinion, and it is that your to-do list is the reason why you are still overwhelmed. And it's not because your to-do list is long and it keeps getting added to and you're just crazy busy, because you are. So we're going to talk about why that is and what to do about it.

Real quick before we get into our topic today, there are still a couple spots open for the should session, which I talked about last Tuesday, where we figure out exactly what your belief is that's keeping you feeling like you should be doing it all so that you can finally do less with a regulated nervous system. So not constantly fearing that you're dropping the ball in another area of your life.

if you do something for yourself or if you choose to do something for you, that means disrupting something for somebody else and that you need to have your hand in all of the pots. So if that sounds like something you would love some relief from, click the link in the show notes and snag one of the final few spots for the limited time should sessions. All right, so back to our to-do lists and why they're keeping us overwhelmed. So

If you're like me, we often find ourselves trying to plan our days, and we are list girlies, right? We love a list. I at least have a list when I start my workday. Also at the end of the workday based on what I did and didn't accomplish and what will be on my list for tomorrow. I have lists on sticky notes that are scattered around my desk, lists on random

pieces of paper in a notebook that I hope to remember to go back to when I need it. Do I ever remember? No. But I hope to. And like ongoing grocery lists that I keep adding to throughout the day. That's like a constant open mental tab that I'm just like, ⁓ butter. Let me go add that quickly. All the lists, right? And then if you're like my clients, you are doing all of this not only via pen and paper, but also probably

two or three different digital systems that you're trying to stick to, like maybe Asana, Google Sheets, Microsoft Office. There was another one I'm trying to remember that was mentioned often. It's not coming to me. But anyways, all the digital systems, right? And so first I just want to say that having lists like these is a great way to organize. Organize your day, organize your work.

and I'm not an anti-list person, if you come to my desk, you truly will see a bunch of lists. And I've actually coached my clients through how to have effective lists. But for people who claim that they are always busy, always overwhelmed, and they want to be less busy, less overwhelmed, I always notice that they are heavy to-do list people.

They're always referencing their to-do lists. And I started to realize that while lists can help organize the brain and manage overwhelm, or at least manage what's on your plate and when, does anyone ever like not only have your list, but then you add times to things or priorities to things and then your list just gets so overwhelming you write a new list. it's lists on tops of lists.

These lists, while it can also be helpful, it's also the thing that is activating our brain nonstop. So these lists, it feels like control. Like it's the thing keeping us in our lane. It's the only thing keeping us on track is what it feels like sometimes. But what it's actually feeding and fueling is the need

to stay busy. Because if you didn't have that list, you might freak out a little bit thinking, my gosh, what am I supposed to focus on? But at the same time, that's the fear of no control, of losing control. And having a list that you know I need to do this and I need to do this and it's telling you what to do, there's comfort in the next thing.

And so many women are constantly chasing the next thing. And oftentimes we think of it as like the next promotion or the next bigger thing, but we are constantly looking for it even in the next little assignment at work or the next grocery list item or the next like call my mom item on my to-do list.

Another thing is that staying busy, continuing to check off these items on our lists means that we don't have to feel what's underneath our busyness, what's underneath the overwhelm, and even what's underneath each of the items. mean, look at your items on what I'm assuming you have a list for today. I can guarantee not all of them

are joyful. Some of them, if you really sat with them, are probably annoying things that you have to do, or frustrating, or you wish you didn't have to do it, you know, emotions might come up, or memories might come up, or resentment might come up. But if there's enough on your to-do list, you just have to check it off and move on, and you don't have to worry about the emotions underneath. And sometimes there's something about staying busy

that's keeping you safe. So I talked about this a little bit on last week's episode, but when we are so overwhelmed and we say, ⁓ I just don't want to feel overwhelmed and I'm meditating and I'm journaling and I'm doing all of these things, but I wake up every day so overwhelmed, it's because the fact that you are so busy and doing so much often feels good.

because maybe it means that you're needed and that feels nice, right? Which it does truly feel nice to be needed by people. Or maybe staying busy means that you don't have to sit with that question of, what do I actually want? Which is a big question that I have been seeing women ask themselves lately. And it's a bold, brave, courageous question to ask and to face and to figure out.

And I know that a lot of women just don't want to face that yet. And so if you stay busy, you never really have to wonder, hmm, what do I want? You never have to figure that out because you're too busy. You just have to go now pick up the kids from school. Or maybe staying busy truly just feels more familiar than free. And like you have a free day, nothing on your plate. That feels scary and unsafe and like,

Alarms are going off in your brain of like, I'm forgetting something. And so we try to keep ourselves safe. Our brains try to keep ourselves safe. If alarms and bells and whistles are going off of I'm forgetting something, if I'm not looking at a list, no matter how less overwhelmed we want to be, we will not achieve that state if that's the underlying feeling. Another thing about to-do lists and how they fuel overwhelm,

is that crossing things off gives us that hit of accomplishment that mimics fulfillment and dopamine. And just like dopamine, it's temporary, right? And so it feels good to cross things off. I don't know if anyone else is like me in this capacity, but I have my list and sometimes I will forget that I did something before I wrote my list down.

And so I will go to my list and add things that I've already done and immediately cross them off just so that I can have that satisfaction of crossing it off. And it feels good. I'm like, whoa, look at what I did today. It just feels great. And it does feel like a little shot or a hit of fulfillment. So those are the things that truly feel good about to-do lists.

but it keeps like almost so much so that it keeps us glued to it and it also keeps us overwhelmed. It keeps us coming back to lists and if the list is in front of us, we are going to keep adding to it. Despite any goal of becoming less busy, less overwhelmed, creating more calm and peace and presence in our lives,

our to-do lists simply reinforce that, you know, quote unquote, my life is busy or I'm a busy person. And then we almost wait until that busy season is over, which we all know is it ever really over? No, it might calm down and then it shifts. Right. And so that list truly does reinforce the belief that you already have. And the list grows because

unconsciously, we keep growing it. If it's in front of us, and I mean that by looking at it, if it's on your desk while you're at work, but also I think a lot of us just have that mental to-do list, right? So it's not even the digital form, it's just checking things off in our head throughout the day and empty space on whatever type of list you're picturing. It feels unsafe.

I was at a networking event about a year ago and I was talking to a woman, her name was Samantha actually, and she was saying that she just wants white space on her calendar and that she's actually created it. But when she has it on her calendar, she fills it.

And that's not uncommon. I've heard that so many times from women. And it's because that space, if we do create it, it feels unsafe. And so we then answer emails, or then we do errands, or we fill it with something that is another list item. We don't fill it with something that actually feels calming to our nervous system. And so the solution, what do we do about all of this? It's not a better system.

And it's not even about breaking down your overwhelm. That's just another list, right? And I hesitate right here because I've done that. I think that is helpful almost sometimes to say, okay, what is overwhelming me? Is it, you know, work? Okay, what about work? Is it my in-laws? Okay, what is it about that? Right, so it's if you're not aware, sometimes it is helpful to do that, but that's not the real solution because that's just another list.

What I believe the actual solution is, is asking why stillness feels like a problem. Or put another way, what else you're making stillness mean. Like if I'm not doing or performing or available to put more on my plate, or maybe for some of you, you would resonate with if I'm saying no more often.

It must also mean what? Maybe it must also mean that I'm not productive or I'm not viewed as highly as other women that I work with or other moms do more for their kids than me. And so you can kind of see if those are the beliefs underneath overwhelm. Of course, you're going to stay overwhelmed because you don't want

to feel unproductive. You don't want to feel like the employee that's doing the worst at their job or the mom that's doing the least for their kids. And so this is the power of understanding that belief underneath at the very least so that you can know, this is where I'm benefiting in this situation by staying overwhelmed. And stay tuned for Thursday because

We are going to dive into specific strategic journaling prompts on Thursday's episode to actually walk through this. Before today, just sit with your relationship with productivity, with stillness, and what both of those things mean about you when you're doing them, when you're productive, but also when you're still. What comes up for you? Because again, that's the first step in reducing overwhelm.

So I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I am not sure if you agree with my unpopular opinion or not. Again, lists are great, but when your goal is overwhelm, to-do lists reinforce overwhelm. ⁓ And so I would love to hear if you believe that, agree with me on that or not. Feel free to message me on Instagram at Samantha.S.Says. I'm also on Facebook more often. So I'll add my Facebook link in the show notes too.

Click the link in the show notes for that should session to connect with me on social, book a breakthrough intensive. I'm here for you in all capacities and I will be here for you on Thursday as well. See you soon.