There is a difference between a smooth, functioning, high-potential life and a life where ease and comfort are your primary goals. The fact that you are listening to this article tells me one thing about you: you are interested in finding your highest potential life. If you are interested in changing your trajectory, then it's time to decide you will do some things differently.

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Transcript

There's a difference between a smooth functioning, high potential life and a life where ease and comfort are your primary goal. If you're interested in changing your life's trajectory, then it's time to decide that you are going to do some things differently.

We'll get into that in today's episode. Are you tired of feeling overlooked and underestimated? Hi, I'm Tammy north, the introverted Executives coach.

If you're an introverted executive or you're ready to rise to senior leadership, but you're struggling to be seen as a high potential, this podcast is for you. Humans are creatures of habit. We find ways to get through life. You know, ways that keep us safe, fed and comfortable.

We have our entire genetic history working to make sure that we have a safe place to sleep and food in our bellies so that we have energy to go find new food tomorrow. This is how we stay alive. Our genetic predisposition also drives us to find the easiest, easiest way possible to get food and safety.

In the last episode I talked about ways that you can remove friction from your life. Things like process improvements that you can make in your own life to help you get things done so that you can free up time and reduce drama.

So yes, I am definitely all about making your life function smoothly. In fact, I think it's essential.

But there is a difference between a smooth functioning, high potential life and a life where you focus on just easy living and comfort. And the fact that you're listening to this podcast today tells me one thing about you. You are interested in finding your highest potential life.

And if you're really interested in changing your trajectory, if you're interested in making your dreams come true, then it is time to decide that you are going to do some things different. Too often out of habit. Both you and I recycle the same day, in and out. Think about it.

Even if you haven't written them down, you do have some routines that you follow.

You know, the things you do when wake up, how you get ready for work, what you do when you show up at work, where you go at lunchtime, the way you prepare to leave work, how you maintain your house or clean your house, how you manage your grocery shopping, you know, what you put in your cart, how you consume food, what you do when you have time to yourself, and what you do at the end of the day until you fall asleep.

Yes, you have routines, habits, patterns, ways of living your life that you recycle over and over again each day, each month and each year has time passes by simultaneously Simultaneously, you also have dreams and goals that you're struggling to make a reality. And too often it feels like you're never going to get there, like it's never going to happen.

And that's when you start thinking, maybe this dream isn't meant for me. Maybe other people can have it, but not me. You think maybe my life is as good as it's going to get?

Well, I want to tell you, it doesn't have to be this way. It doesn't have to stay this way. The thoughts you're having, like, maybe it's not for me. That won't serve you. Think about it.

Think about something you really want right now. Just one thing. Just get something in your mind that you really, really want, that you think maybe you can't have.

Now say out loud when you're thinking about that thing, maybe it's not for me. Maybe I won't get there. How does that make you feel? I bet it makes you feel demotivated, Tired, sad. Something like that.

And when you feel demotivated or sad or tired, you take actions like easy eating things that you didn't plan on, drinking too much wine, watching too much tv, or sleeping for too long. Those actions do not result in you taking the steps that would have moved you closer to your dream. Okay, so I need to give you some real talk now.

And this gets to the heart of this episode. If what you have been doing is not moving you closer to your dream, then the only way to get there is to try something different.

You can't keep waking up like in the movie Groundhog Day and do the exact same things over and over and wonder why nothing changes. I mean, even in that movie, eventually Bill Murray started doing different things. He's like, oh, what if I learned to play the piano?

What if I do this? What if I do that? And he started taking different actions every day so that he could achieve the outcome he was looking for.

The same thing goes for you. You have to actively decide that you're going to deliberately alter your path and go in the direction you want to go.

I bet you don't think about it like that very often. If what you are currently doing day in and day out isn't working, then you need to deliberately alter your path.

Success is available to you, but you have to decide are going to move toward it. I've read the book Choice Theory by Dr. William Glasser A few times. I'll link it in the show notes. It's a really good companion to this episode.

It's not Too hard to read. And there's a lot of really great ideas in the book.

Dr. Glasser defines choice theory as internal control psychology, and he says it explains why and how we make the choices that determine the course of our life.

So if you go way back into the early episodes of this podcast, I don't know, maybe one of the first 10 podcasts, you will find an episode about locus of control. And in that episode, we discussed that you either have a more internal locus of control or an external locus of control.

And when you have a more internal locus of control, you believe you have more control over the outcomes in your life. And people with a more internal locus of control tend to become more successful.

And people with a more external locus of control believe that life happens to them and that they don't have much control over their outcomes at all. Well, in this book, choice theory, it's similar to that. And I love the way Dr. Glasser makes some of his points.

So, okay, now go back to that dream you were just thinking about when you're thinking, well, maybe it's not for me, and get your mind really set on that dream for a moment, something you really want, and then we're already in the middle of today. Wherever you are listening to this episode, it could be 7am, it could be noon, it could be the evening.

I don't know what you're, how it is, where you are, but whatever part of the day it is, think about the actions you have already taken today and the actions that you plan to take for the rest of the day. A question that Dr. Glasser asks you in this book is, will these actions bring you closer to your goal or for further away from your goal?

So essentially, in every moment, you have the choice to make, and you can choose to move toward your dream or away from your dream. You have a lot more control over your life than you act like you do.

And the reasons that you have these beliefs of whether or not you are able to move toward your dream or not, it's complex. But suffice it to say that you've been conditioned to believe that many things that are in fact in your control are not in your control.

And the reason is that beliefs, when you really believe that you can't do something or that you shouldn't do something or that. That you were never meant to do something. Those types of beliefs, once they're seated, they're very challenging to change.

But it is possible to change those beliefs if you have a belief that is keeping you from moving forward, no matter what it is, it's worth questioning.

It is possible to change deep seated belief, even if you've held on to it for years, even if it's basically been there your whole life, even if you barely even realize that it is a belief. You just think it's a fact. You just think that it was always there. You basically think it's real, even though it's just words in mind.

I could give you an example of several different ways that I used to have beliefs about myself that I've changed. Let me think. One is before I joined the Navy, this is before I was 19, I believed I could not run. And then I joined the Navy.

And then I learned that I could run. I could run a mile, maybe two miles. And then later on after I went to officer candidate school, I realized, oh, I can run five miles.

And then somebody wanted me to start running 5Ks and 10Ks with them. So I decided to start running a little bit further. And then the idea came where somebody said, hey, do you want to run a half marathon?

And I'm like, oh, I'm not a half marathon runner. And then somebody said, you know, you ought to run the marathon, the rock and Roll marathon in San Diego. And that was when I was 29.

And so what did I do that year? The year I was 29 or 30 or 31, I ran every half marathon in San Diego.

But do you see how that, how it happened?

I went from barely ever running and doing any kind of exercise in high school and below, and then running a mile, running two miles, running a 5K, running an 8K, running a half marathon, and then running a marathon. So. And that was over about a 12 year period. But I did change my beliefs and it's possible to do that with anything.

Another example I remember, I think I've told this story in a podcast before, but sometime around the time I was 23, I had the idea that I wanted to be an officer in the Navy. I was a E4 and I was talking to another E4, a male E4, and he told me, oh, no, you shouldn't be a naval officer.

If anybody thought you should be an officer, they would have already told you. And so it took me another 10 years after that to realize, oh, no, I could be a naval officer. And then when I applied, I was accepted.

However, what kept me from doing it?

The previous 10 years I had a very strong belief that, oh, if I was supposed to be an officer, somebody would have told me instead of me deciding that's what I was going to do and then going after it. And once I did go after it, it happened. So those are just some examples. But you can get some very deep seated beliefs.

Even if you're successful now, even if you're already making a six figure salary, even if you have a fairly great life, you have great kids, you have a fine house, you have a good love, a good marri, you could have a pretty good life and think, well, this is as good as it's gonna be. But let's say you're only 45 and that's your belief, why couldn't your life be better? Why couldn't you make a bigger difference in the world?

Are you sure that you've reached your highest potential at that point? And I'm not talking about only career. There's a lot of ways that you can make a difference in the world, so an impact in the world.

There's a lot of different experiences, the human experience that you can and should strive for in order to have your most robust time on this planet. So just look at the ways you're limiting yourself and think to yourself, is this as good as it gets? Is this as good as I want it to be?

Or is there something else I want out there? And if there is, just decide. Are you moving toward that greater life that you want or are you moving away from that greater life?

In this episode, I really just want to get you thinking that as you go through your day to day life, there might be some actions that you need to take different than the typical actions you would take to cause a different outcome. So another example I can give you from my own life, I live a keto lifestyle and I have for many, many years.

And for me it's mostly because I feel better when I eat lots of good veggies and good omega 3 fatty acids and nutrient packed protein. That's how I feel better. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis many years ago.

In my body, I know that my body feels better and my multiple sclerosis symptoms are greatly reduced when I stick to keto. And that alone is a very strong motivator for me not to stray. But I'm not perfect and occasionally I will allow my stress to negatively affect.

In those times, I sometimes do things I know I will regret later. And even though I know I'll regret it, I still do it for some reason. So. And that's my own thoughts.

Allowing me to feel a certain way and allowing me to take the actions that will actually spiral me down instead of taking the actions that will spiral me in the right direction. So let me give you an example.

If I get really stressed out and maybe I didn't bring my lunch that day, there's restaurants on the base and other places where I work that I could get keto food, but you know, salads and other things.

But sometimes I'll just go through the drive thru and I'll get a car blade and comfort food, you know, like, maybe I'll just go get a cheeseburger or maybe I will get some chicken nuggets somewhere that have breading on them. So even though it's not that bad, it's not keto. And on keto you basically have to stick to it.

Otherwise you get yourself out of ketosis and you feel bad. So the other day I had a breakthrough about this. Often I bring my lunch. So when I bring my lunch, I always bring a perfectly keto option.

And then my days go very smoothly. Sometimes I don't.

And I even like to go out and I like to go maybe get some egg bites at Starbucks or something like that and just kind of go, go talk to the baristas at my favorite Starbucks, go get some sunshine. It's over by the aircraft carrier, so it's all nice. I really like doing that.

Sometimes I don't make that decision and I might go somewhere else, like fish tacos or something, which are delicious, but the tortillas are not keto. So those kind of things might kind of like lead me toward the bad side. Even though it could be worse, it's not keto.

So the other day I was kind of feeling like I was about to go do something carby and I was gonna regret it. And I felt it and I made a decision. I'm like, no, you're not gonna do that.

And then actually the Starbucks was closed that day, so what was I gonna do? And I remembered, oh, the commissary is there. It's as close as anything. Why don't I just go to the commissary?

Which I've thought about before, but I really don't like going into the commissary when I have my business clothes on. I don't know why, it's so goofy.

So I made a point, even though I feel that way I made a point to go to the produce section in the commissary and I got a takeout salad and it was delicious. It was amazing. It was better than if I had gone to Starbucks and got egg bites. It was cheaper and it was perfectly keto than even egg bites are.

So it was awesome. And that was definitely a markedly different action than I normally take because I don't like going in there in my business clothes.

I just, I usually avoid it for that one reason, which is to say just goofy. That thought I don't want to go into the commissary in my business clothes is just a thought and it's in my own brain and it's not serving me.

And that one slightly different choice provided me the opportunity to feel amazing the rest of the day because I ate something clearly on my plan. It wasn't sort of on my plan.

If I squinted, you know, it wasn't like barely off my plan and it wasn't completely off my plan, which usually makes me feel bad. It was perfectly on my plan.

And so I just took one action and that made me feel kind of like I don't want to wear my business clothes in the commissary. And then it completely changed the rest of my day in a positive way. So what I choose to eat is my choice.

And one choice makes me feel fantastic and one choice zaps my energy and makes my multiples grosses symptoms worse. And either way, it's my choice.

So every day I have to decide if I'm going to choose to blame stress and make bad food choices or choose to walk into the commissary in my business clothes where I can get fuel for my body that brings me energy. And of course I can improve that even further and do a better job of packing healthy lunch every day.

That makes me feel great very easily, without any of that kind of drama. So stress is definitely going to happen. That's something I have chosen. I definitely choose the stress.

I went after a career with high responsibility and stress because I care very much about what I do and I believe I'm capable of managing it.

But given that I want to be here in this job that I'm in now with a high stress career, I can also choose to make choices that allow me to thrive and grow even further, or I can make choices that deteriorate my health. So which way am I going to go? That's my choice. So you can see there's some more examples for you there.

And I want you to live a life that embraces the full human experience. We're only here for so long.

And rather than numbing all your hours in your days with food and wine and other things, tv, whatever, I want you to leave something behind. I want you to create a life that at the end of your life, you have no regrets. That you feel like you went all in and you did everything you could.

Okay, how do you know if you're recycling your life? I'm going to give you a few ideas that might help you recognize if you are just recycling your life over and over.

So the first is if you're pretty sure your best years are behind you and life is. Is basically as good as it's ever going to get.

Two, do you come home from work, pour a glass of wine, turn on Netflix, and just sit there till you fall asleep every day? Number three, do you keep doing the same things every day and never accomplish new goals?

I mean, do you even remember the last time you deliberately made a goal? For if you realize you don't remember the last time you made a new friend or had a new experience, you might be recycling your life.

If you remember when you used to feel some urgency to make the world a better place, but lately you've lost that passion, you might be recycling your life. And six, if you haven't been taking care of yourself and that's all in all ways. Diet, exercise, mental health.

Maybe you don't even remember the last time you went to the doctor. You might be recycling your life.

So the work I'm going to give you to do, if you feel like you recognize some of this and you think, yeah, I don't even remember the last time I wrote down a goal. I haven't been taking very good care of myself. I've sort of just been wandering from day to day, doing the same things over and over and over.

Then here's five. Five ways that you can snap out of that and start actively moving toward the life you want.

Okay, the very first thing is I want you to spend time today, even if it's just one hour or 30 minutes, and decide that there is something you do want out of life that you haven't yet received or accomplished. Even if you aren't sure it's possible, I still want you to decide. Yes, I do want something else.

At least decide and admit to yourself what it is that you truly want. Okay, the number two. Imagine if you fully believed this goal was possible for you, what would you tell yourself?

Write that thought down and a way you can help yourself find this thought Is imagine that you're already living that life that you want. Maybe it's five years from now and you're already living that life.

If that version of you could write a letter with one sentence to you today, what would that sentence be? Write that down and keep it clearly in the front of your mind. Write it somewhere where you can see it and repeat it to yourself every day.

An example might be when I was young and I didn't know if I could be an officer. And then 10 years later I realized, oh, I could be.

What if my self 10 years later from when I was 23, what if my 33 year old self could write a letter to my 23 year old self. One thing I think she might say is, why not you? Why can't you be a naval officer? Of course you can.

If I just said that one thing to myself starting at 23, I probably would have been an officer sooner. That's an example. Just think of something that your self in the future that already accomplished this told yourself now. And then write that down.

Okay, number three, start to date and start taking small actions from that thought. What would she do? When you're. When you think about that thought, the thought that your future self told you, think about your future self.

When she is thinking this thought, what would she do? What steps would she take? She would probably do something that would make your current self feel uncomfortable.

She might drink less wine, she might watch less tv. She might travel more and meet more people. She might learn to surf.

I don't know what that has to do with being a naval officer, but who knows, you know what I mean? She might do any of these things. She's going to go on adventures and she is going to say yes to things that scare her.

She's going to wake up and she's going to take active steps toward her goal. She's going to take those steps every day and she is going to feel empowered and she believes she is going to get there even faster.

That's who she is and that's how you need to think about yourself and that's the energy that you take your actions from.

And number four, if you know your current life is not inspiring you and you also don't know what else it is that you really want, well, at least take the steps to change your scenery. Go find some art. Go exercise. Spend time in nature. Make your heart beat. Do it again and again and again and then right after.

Every time you take time to journal, download all of your thoughts thoughts until you feel inspired. Enough to dream and then go back to step one with this new dream and then take all the steps we were just talking about.

And number five, the more you take these steps, the more you'll evolve into who you want to be. And before you know it, you'll be living a life that you want to be living. And the more you do it, the less it'll look like the same every day.

There'll be less rinse and repeat and a lot more awesome. It's your decision. You can decide which life you want to be living.

So I know it's unlikely that if you're listening to this podcast that comfort and ease are your primary goal. Your highest potential life will only come by stretching your beliefs about what is possible for you and by taking the steps toward that idea.

If you're really interested in changing your trajectory, then it's time to decide that you're going to do some things differently. Start today. Start now. And before you know it, you'll no longer feel like you're living a recycled life.

You won't feel like you're recycling the same day over and over again.

You will have taken control of the outcomes in your life and you'll be on your way to living a life that you thought was only possible in your dreams. You can connect with me at Introverted Executive on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

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There you'll find out when my program opens for new clients, and you'll also receive weekly tips and activities to continue to make a bigger impact in your own powerful way. You'll find all the information and links down in the show notes. See you next week.