Somatic healing and nervous-system regulation can reveal why anxiety, scarcity thinking, emotional patterns, and self-sabotage keep us from the love, relationships, money, career success, and opportunities we want. Somatic embodiment coach Christina Lane joins Shelley Johnson and Kathy Tuccaro of Women Road Warriors to explain why we sometimes unconsciously repel what we desperately desire and how body awareness can make us more available to receive it.

The issue may not be availability. It may be access.

When part of us doesn’t feel safe, ready, or emotionally available to receive what we desire, we can fall into fight-or-flight, anxious attachment, emotional reactivity, or a desperate “grabbing” energy that pushes people and opportunities away. Christina reveals how somatic coaching, emotional regulation, and mind-body awareness can help us identify these subconscious patterns before they take control.

Traditional self-help and talk-based insight can help us understand our behavior, but understanding a pattern doesn’t always stop us from repeating it. Christina explains how somatic coaching brings the body, emotions, subconscious, and nervous system into the process so meaningful change becomes accessible during an argument, a difficult meeting, a date, or a two-in-the-morning anxiety spiral.

In this episode, discover:

• Why anxiety is information—and what it may be trying to protect you from
• How to experience an emotion without feeding it with thoughts and stories
• Christina’s 90-second approach to riding an emotional wave
• How nervous-system regulation can interrupt fight-or-flight reactions
• Why desperately chasing love, money, or success may push it farther away
• How scarcity thinking creates a cycle that appears to confirm your fears
• Why tone, energy, and body language affect relationships and leadership
• How somatic movement, grounding, dance, and body awareness can shift your emotional state
• What Christina means by determining what is—and isn’t—“on your menu”
• How phones, social media, and constant stimulation eliminate the reflective space we need
• Why empathy and energetic awareness can transform conflict
• How to stop absorbing another person’s negativity and command your own emotional space

Christina’s central message is powerful:

“The issue is not availability. It’s access. It’s not that what you want isn’t there. It’s that something in you is not available to receive it.”

About Christina Lane

Christina Lane is a somatic embodiment coach who works virtually with men and women seeking growth in their relationships, careers, emotional awareness, and personal lives. She is certified in somatic therapy support modalities and writes extensively about embodiment, nervous-system regulation, relationships, and personal transformation on Medium, Substack, and other platforms.

Christina is also the founder and owner of Conscious Tutoring, which offers warm, effective virtual tutoring. Its Literacy for Life program combines Orton-Gillingham skill development with writing workshops, reading clubs, and offline support. Conscious Tutoring also offers emotion-based executive-functioning classes for teenage girls.

Connect with Christina and explore her coaching, courses, client results, and free resources:

https://www.christinalanecoaching.com

Learn about Conscious Tutoring:

https://www.conscioustutoring.com

Follow Women Road Warriors and explore more empowering interviews:

https://womenroadwarriors.com

#SomaticHealing #SomaticCoaching #NervousSystemRegulation #EmotionalRegulation #Embodiment #MindBodyConnection #AnxietyTools #RelationshipGrowth #ScarcityMindset #SelfSabotage #PersonalGrowth #ChristinaLane #WomenRoadWarriors

This is Women Road warriors with Shelly Johnson and Kathy Tucaro.

From the corporate office to the cab.

Of a truck, they're here to inspire.

And empower women in all professions.

So gear down, sit back and enjoy.

Welcome.

We're an award winning show dinner dedicated to empowering women in every profession through inspiring stories and expert insights.

No topics off limits.

On our show, we power women on the road to success with expert and celebrity interviews and information you need.

I'm Shelley.

And I'm Kathy.

Have you ever noticed that the moment you decide you really want something, it becomes harder to get?

You decide you're ready for a relationship, for more money, for growth in your life, and suddenly everything feels just out of reach, like life is pulling back right as you lean in.

These are the questions posed by Christina Lane.

She's the founder and owner of Christina Lane Coaching.

She's a somatic embodiment coach.

She helps both men and women get what they want in their relationships, their families, lives and careers.

She's a top 1% writer on Medium and the host of your breakthrough blueprint podcast.

Through her platforms, Radiance for Women, Embodied for Men and her publication, Mutual Terrain, she helps readers and clients bridge psychology, relationships and the body's wisdom.

Christina says the issue in us not getting what we want or need is not availability, it's access.

It's not that what you want isn't there, it's that something in you is not available to receive it.

That's powerful insight.

Kathy and I wanted to learn more, so we invited her on the show.

Welcome, Christina.

Thank you for being with us.

Yeah, thanks.

I'm really excited to be here.

This is one of my favorite things to talk about because I think it introduces people to something that they know, but they've never really put it all together.

Yeah.

Do you.

Would you like me to just kind of start talking about it or you have any specific?

Yeah.

Okay.

What I thought I'd do before you talk about all of this, which is really amazing, have a little, a brief background of who you are and how you got started on all of that.

Sure.

I, when I. I was married for a long time.

I'm in my 40s now, and when I got divorced about eight years ago, I kind of used my time when I didn't have my three kids with me to sort of figure myself out.

And somatics and using the body made a lot of sense to me.

When traditional therapy really didn't, I felt a little alienated, Honestly.

At the end of traditional therapy, I felt like I Was always kind of, I don't know, gaslighting myself or trying things that, like, I. I knew didn't work with, especially with men and even in my business.

And so I. Yeah, I ended up.

I got certified in somatic coaching for myself, right?

As sort of like, just to go as deep as I could and understanding everything.

And I started seeing some clients and transitioned my business.

I own a.

A tutoring company, and I transitioned that so I could work from home.

And I started writing on medium, and I started seeing a lot of male clients, too.

And my work just kind of grew organically after that, and I started making curriculum and writing about what I was learning from my clients and how they were making life changes and relationship changes.

And so it kind of.

It kind of feeds itself, right?

The writing and the coaching, they're my way to learn and learn through, like, real people instead of from a book or a.

A framework or a seminar.

This is pretty fascinating.

I think a lot of people are saying somatic coach.

What is that?

That's what I was thinking.

I was.

I was just gonna ask.

I've never heard that.

Somatic coach.

Okay.

Yes.

So.

So somatics is like a.

Is a word that people throw around all the time.

Right.

That just means it's using the body.

But I think it's the most fair part of that question is like, how do I.

What do I think it is?

Right.

And so what the way I use it is regardless of what the problem is.

Right.

Coaching is.

Is about problems, fixing problems, solving issues.

Real.

You know, you want to see real change when you hire a coach.

And so we identify, like, the real life change.

But then, you know, most everyone, by the time you find my work on medium or substack or something and you've hired me, you've already tried everything to fix your problem.

And so we use the subconscious mind and the body to figure out why you're kind of creating the same patterns over and over again in your life instead of using just, you know, thought processes and what seems best.

I think the easiest way to relate to the why somatics works for everybody, especially for men, is it if.

If there was one plan or one set of steps that we could all follow, and they just be right for each of us.

Right.

And you could actually buy that from someone and implement it in your life, and it would work for you, then, you know, we'd all be all set, wouldn't we?

And we know that that doesn't.

That's not true.

So you kind of have to get To a place in life where you can tune out everything except for what your body wants and needs and kind of make peace with yourself and your patterns.

And so I think that that's how I see my work in the broader scope of what people call somatic.

Okay, I know on your website you have somatic work is real time nervous system regulation.

Are people really even aware of what's going on in their bodies?

How do they grasp all of this?

Because I think that we're kind of like robots, and we just kind of wander around and we're not always aware of stuff until it blows up.

Well, so a cool part about somatic coaching, right, is we're tracking your patterns and we're trying to find those places that we can get in the door before it blows up, right?

Before you're all what I would say my teenagers call crashed out.

Whatever crashed out looks like for you, right?

It might be going into a fight mode or going into like, I want to leave and drop all this or quitting, or your inner critic comes up.

Whatever that looks like for you, you know, that's kind of too late.

So somatic coaching embodiment work teaches you to find the place right before that, right before your nervous system just, like, puts you in whatever your own fear state is.

It looks a little different for all of us.

Right?

And so right before that, there's always a sweet spot in every pattern where you can really change your life.

Right?

You can change something that you're not even aware of just by starting to kind of tune into your body's signals and getting to getting familiar with your.

Like, you're an animal.

Right.

Instead of believing that every, you know, at some age, I think.

I think when I was, like, in my mid-30s, I realized that, like, my body and my emotions were really separate from, like, what I mentally had decided to do.

And it's about, like, kind of learning to navigate your body and your emotions.

You know, sometimes our bodies have more common sense than our emotions do.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yes.

It's almost like you have twins.

You're fighting with yourself and your body's going, no, don't do that.

You know, but you do it anyway, right?

And sometimes you do it twice.

I may or may not.

I've done that a few times in my life.

Okay.

Been there, done that, got the t shirt.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So if we are in tune with our bodies, say you have anxiety.

There are a lot of people who have anxiety attacks, and they have relaxation and breathing techniques and so forth that they're taught if you can actually feel what's happening in your body, is there a warning sign where you can actually prevent something like that and then maybe keep control?

Well, absolutely.

First of all, anxiety is information.

If.

If you believe that most of the science says emotions can.

Should last about 90 seconds, right?

Should be able to have an emotion rise up in the body, and uninterrupted.

An emotion should last about 90 seconds.

Well, anxiety for most people is a thought that keeps that emotion going.

So you feel an emotion, then you assign some thought to it, and then the thought is what creates the emotion, right?

Not.

Not what actually happened.

So you create a little.

A little loop for yourself, and you just stay in the loop.

An embodiment.

In an embodiment session.

What I would do with somebody is we'd find the top of that loop before they applied this story, you know, which could be, my husband didn't do something he was supposed to do, or my boss is so awful to me or whatever, right?

Or my body's not the way I want it to be.

Whatever the thought is that feeds the emotion and just keeps you in that, like, loop that we call anxiety, we.

We remove the thought and we just sit in the body with a sensation until the sensation takes its natural course.

Usually an anxiety loop like that is protecting you from grief or maybe something you want that you feel like you can't have.

And.

And you.

The anxiety is kind of just a distraction to a lot.

A lot more information that if you moved into it, right, you have this whole other way to navigate life.

But our brain thinks it would be painful to feel grief or sadness or desire for something we think we can't have.

So anxiety is kind of protective, but it's actually, if you do it a few times, not that easy, not that hard to break an anxiety loop like that.

You.

You kind of start to see it.

You're like, oh, I guess I. I could.

I could decide how I'm feeling right now and start thinking of something and just loop this.

Or I could just sit here feeling, like, absolute for, like, 90 seconds and.

And try to keep thoughts out of this.

And it will.

It'll pass.

And I'll kind of figure out what's going on with me.

I think that we.

We just don't have enough white space where that comes naturally.

And so I think a lot of what we're.

What we're learning and talking about is things that would come naturally, right?

In a world without all these screens and phones, and we.

We take more time.

And so.

And I think when you learn to take that time, you can make it your natural process and, you know, get into those anxious loops.

I've tried recently, actually.

Somatic Yoga.

Okay.

Yeah.

And believe it, I thought it was kind of.

Yeah, right.

Sort of thing, because my job is very stressful.

And I mean, I've been doing Asana Rebel yoga.

I mean, I do it.

I do it.

But I said, you know what?

Like, it just.

Something doesn't feel quite right.

So I'm going to try this.

I don't know what the somatic Yoga is, but I'm always one to try new things.

And I'll be darned if just the difference in shifting your body and it was more like a.

More like a dance flow thing.

Well, it helped my mental health.

It really did.

And so now I regularly do Somatic Yoga.

Yay.

Yeah.

Just that training, just like.

It's just a habit, right?

It's like the habit of not going to my mind when I feel something going to my body to feel it.

Would that be like, as an example?

I'm just trying to put words into my personal behavior when I'm in the grader or in equipment, and it's very stressful.

I do something that makes every.

Well, if people happen to be watching, I'll just pull over and I'll start to dance.

Right.

To try and get that anxious, that anger, that frustration.

Because we work with these big giant robot trucks, and it's very frustrating.

So I'll just start to dance.

And it changes everything.

I don't know if that's called a somatic flow or.

Or what you want to call it, but whatever it is, it works.

Yeah.

You.

You're changing your energy, right.

You're using your body instead of a story.

Instead of telling yourself a story or eating or looking at your phone or whatever people do to change their emotion.

I'll state you're using your body to change your emotional state.

And so you're just sending, like, endorphins and chemicals through your.

Through your system with your body.

Right.

Like, kind of the same way like sex would work or working out or dancing.

Right.

Yeah.

It's all.

You don't have to use your mind to change your emotions.

You could use your body instead.

Stay tuned for more of women road warriors coming up.

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We want to help as many women as possible.

We're talking with somatic embodiment coach Christina Lane about a frustrating contradiction.

The more we chase love, money, success or personal growth, the farther away it can seem.

Christina says that doesn't necessarily mean what we want is unavailable.

Something inside us may not yet feel safe enough or ready enough to receive it.

Her work challenges the belief that we can force our way forward simply by trying harder, achieving more, or fixing every perceived flaw in ourselves.

There's also tremendous strength in our bodies, and we need to listen to them.

In our previous segment, we were talking about using our body to change our emotions instead of our mind to help stop things like anxiety or frustration.

Kathy says she does that at work.

Christina, is it a combination of maybe the oxygen?

She's activating her parasympathetic nervous system and she's elevating endorphins.

Is that what's happening?

Yeah.

And, well, we know a little bit there's a lot of, like, argument about how the nervous system works, Right.

Because as we do all this, like, new, we have new neuroscience and new AI coming out.

There's a lot of, like, have we always been right about the nervous system?

But I think that, yes, you can think about it as the, as the chemicals and you can think about the, the brain science of this.

But I think the most helpful thing that I tell clients about why, why somatics works is that you're, you're just tell, you're just showing yourself that you can change your state.

Right.

You, you have control over the chemical and physical processes in your body and your emotions don't own you.

Right.

Your emotions are like.

Because it, it often feels like how we feel is how we are.

Yeah.

And somatics kind of gives you that, that or, or if what you think is how you are and none of that's true.

Right.

We, we have like multiple ways of being.

And so it, it kind of reduces importance, which is something about tonight of your emotions.

When you use your body to, to change your emotional state kind of, it challenges you a little bit if you let it.

When you look at like two year olds, they use their entire body.

Yes.

Don't they?

I mean, when they have an emotion, they engage everything and it doesn't last forever.

It seems like forever to the parent, but it seems like emotions get the better of us as we get older and maybe when those darn hormones kick in too.

Yeah.

And so that feeling in your body realizing that you're not your emotion, that your emotional state, like I was in an.

I was at a moment the other night where I could have had an argument with my partner and I just remember telling myself, I was like, if I can just hold this feeling in my body for 90 seconds without writing a story about him, I bet you when the 90 seconds are up, I might, you know, I bet you I feel, I'll feel different.

And I did.

Right.

And I just thought, gosh, I wish I.

What, at what point did I go from that little toddler who knew that to this woman who asked to like coach myself through not writing a big story and launching into some argument before I just take my 90 seconds.

But I think that, you know, we get a lot of messaging and a lot of education and a lot of just cognitive time and we, we all kind of skip all that time in our body as we grow up.

So maybe it's a returning.

Could be.

Could be.

And it does seem like emotions, they can crescendo.

I mean, when you start riding that wave of anger, it can just get rougher and rougher and rougher until all of a sudden you just blow and then you're out of control.

Yeah, but if you, when I work with someone on anger, like especially if I work with men on anger, it can blow up if you're feeding it thoughts.

Right.

And you're like letting it get into your past triggers and you, you aren't aware you Know, you have to become aware if you have a lot of trauma.

Right.

Of when we've moved out of right now into your past trauma.

You have to feel that in the body and kind of know how to deal with it.

And so if you're.

If you don't.

If you don't feed that anger a whole bunch of trigger and thoughts and story, it really doesn't go up like that and take over to where you don't have control anymore.

Your.

Your anger then becomes some, like, powerful information that you.

You can use.

You can use.

And it's.

It can even be sexy.

Right.

Like, you can.

I call a lot of my work maturing emotion.

So it's like you're.

If you can hold the emotion at the top.

Yeah.

That it just doesn't happen.

You.

Your anger is like, oh, I didn't like that.

Why not?

You know, and get.

Get curious about it, but it is all about keeping it out of that, like, riding this huge wave, Right.

Mm.

Yeah.

And if you have to be the captain of your own ship and you don't know how and you don't have a compass, it might be kind of difficult.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

I. I mean, these things aren't hard once you figure them out.

Right.

But I definitely didn't.

I don't.

I think probably for, you know, till my mid-30s, I would say that I was probably a little elevated and a little bit in a.

Like, a little bit of a fear state at all times.

And so I didn't.

I don't know if I really even knew that I wasn't.

I didn't feel kind of like fundamentally safe and neutral.

Right.

I didn't know that I was kind of a little elevated all the time.

Well, we're still growing up, aren't we?

Yeah, we are.

You know, you're experiencing life, and there's fear.

I mean, when we're little kids, we want our mommy around.

We want somebody.

Yeah.

The world's kind of a scary place, so.

Yeah, I think we probably do harbor some fear.

And of course, if you have a lot of trauma in your life, I've heard that the body stores that too.

So that can cause some issues.

And your counseling and your therapy can actually help people work through those things.

Correct?

Right.

Well, you start to, you know, you start to just get to where you're aware.

Right.

And you.

What you.

I.

My own goal for myself.

And everybody gets to make their own goal.

Right.

Because everybody wants to kind of be with the world and their career and their partner and their Kids or however they want to be in the world in their own way.

But for me, I really try to keep myself out of those spaces where I'm going to be in my past trauma.

I try to keep myself what I would call like below a four and, and I, and so a lot of my work is about bringing myself back.

Right.

Bring myself back to a more neutral place.

And that is something that anyone can do.

Right.

You can get more just control over your human experience.

And I don't know what's what.

I guess what the, the cool part about that is, is like you're really in your life.

Right.

You're not, you're not always watching the replay to understand your life.

You're, you're in it and it's, it's, you're with it.

We just go through life a lot of times and it isn't until we look back.

Hindsight seems so intuitive.

Yes.

You know, yeah, we don't notice what's happening really when we're going through it.

And a lot of times I don't think we have the awareness we should.

Right.

And I think maybe we're even less self aware because we're all absorbed in these gadgets and in virtual reality with the Internet and people we don't even see in front of us in real life.

So are we more disconnected somatically, you think?

For sure.

I mean, think about it.

Think about how easy it is to, you know, you're standing in line at the grocery store, which in any other time till now might be a time where you stand there and kind of reflect on, oh, wow, I'm tired.

I'm, I'm a little bit, I have my feelings hurt a little bit about something.

What's that about?

Oh, I'm, oh, I'm hungry.

Right.

Oh, that food I ate didn't make me feel good.

Those, those, all those moments in the day where we would have had any kind of reflection.

We have our phones out, we're answering work emails, we're planning the next thing.

And so yeah, our devices are, you know, we're getting, we feel a little sad.

I'll just get some dopamine from scrolling the Internet and you know, like an average per American spends four and a half hours a day on a screen and I think without, even, without even trying, that's pretty easy to do.

So yeah, I think we just, we just don't have the space to really check in with ourselves.

We almost have to manufacture it.

But where you get that like, relationship with your real life right now?

And you're not like watching the replay is in all that white space, right?

It's in regulation.

It's in being like, it's just kind of sitting out on your porch for a minute and being like, what, what happened today?

Like, how am I doing?

I, I think it, I, it was interesting because I always kind of struggled on and off with my weight and of course like having kids or whatever I'm sure added to that, but I don't anymore.

And I think it is mostly to do with.

I'm so aware of how food feels after I eat it and I have like kind of lowered a lot of the device time in my life and it's, it's so interesting.

All the diets and, and like weight watchers and stuff I did in the past and what I needed was like just some white space to feel my food, my body and see if I was actually hungry.

Learn what a hunger signal felt like for me and what foods did and didn't agree with me.

That has rolled out to other parts of my life for sure too.

Stay tuned for more of Women Road warriors coming up.

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Welcome back to Women Road warriors with Shelly Johnson and Kathy Tucaro.

Our guest, Christina Lane, who's the founder of Christina Lane Coaching, believes our struggles with relationships, careers, money and personal growth don't exist only in our thoughts.

They also live in our bodies.

Her somatic approach moves beyond simply talking about our emotions.

It helps us notice what's happening within us in real time, regulate our nervous system and develop the grounded self trust needed to create lasting change.

It helps bring us back to a more neutral place.

It's a different way of understanding what may be standing between us and the life we want.

Realize we're not our emotional state, we're not our emotion.

It comes down to don't feed your anger or anxiety with your thoughts.

Use it for information and you can keep it at bay.

Christina's methods even help when people are trying to lose weight by getting in tune with their bodies.

Christina, that's really amazing too.

So you've been able to work through the food noise?

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

And get to where I'm like, gosh, the gluten especially just makes me feel awful.

And it's like, you know, I.

When you can.

When you can hold on to the feeling of how a food that you're not really tolerant of how bad it makes you feel in the body, you kind of don't.

Like, you don't want it, so then the kind of.

The desire's gone.

Right.

Gluten used to send me to the hospital, like, in an ambulance every single time.

Yep.

So.

Yeah, I know, I know.

So I pay attention to that too.

Yeah.

Actually, what I've been paying attention to is my thoughts and how they make me feel.

And I catch myself like, Kathy, like, where did that come first?

Stop it.

And especially when it comes to self, like, negative towards myself.

And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Like, I'm turning 57 in two days.

And I'm like, I am being kind to me.

But the hardest part is catching yourself.

Yeah, yeah.

You've got to be mindful.

That's the toughest part.

I think we like to be escape artists and not necessarily pay attention to some of that avoidance.

Humans are good at that too.

So you, Christina, are teaching people to be more in tune with ourselves, with the real time nervous system regulation, and really listen to our bodies and what it's telling us.

But you also do some other things that are interesting too.

Grounding, chakra work, energy clearing.

What is all of that about?

Well, I like to explain that part of my work this way.

First of all, a lot of my.

I'm.

I'm not super traditionally religious, but actually a lot of my clients are.

I see clients from, like, kind of a broad spectrum of spiritual beliefs.

Everybody believes in energy because we all know how it feels when someone that we care about or that has some kind of power in our life, you know, co worker or family member or something like that, enters a room super angry.

We know that that whole room gets kind of like heavy and intense.

We, you know, we know what it feels like when we have a crush.

You know, the energy of like, your.

Your heart's racing.

There's like the.

When your crush walks into a room.

Right.

That's like a visceral ex.

Like, everything in the room is different.

Major dopamine experience.

Yeah, yeah.

And I.

And I would say espec.

Men especially do so well understanding energy because it's like a real.

It's a part of male culture.

And it's so.

It's so interesting how it's so.

It's so easy for them especially to understand it.

Because there is, you know, there's certain ways that certain kinds of men carry themselves in a room.

And then I think when I'm talking to women about it, you know, there's certain women, like maybe walk into a room and they, they just can, they can get all the eyes in the room on them.

And it doesn't have anything to do with them being particularly attractive in a certain way or another.

You know, it's just that they carry a lot of energy.

And so if you believe that different people have different energies and that they kind of change, your emotional state changes when you're around them.

Right.

Some people give you a really good warm feeling, some people give you like a creepy feeling.

Then you, then that's another thing you can work with.

You can start to think about what energy you put off, how that impacts people, what energy your house feels like, your work meeting, how can you play with that energy?

And I think that's the most down to earth way to think about any kind of spiritual work where you're working with energy.

It's just to think about.

We all have such interesting energy signatures and that it's kind of this, this whole blend of who you are.

But you make people feel a certain way when they're around you.

You can play with it.

You know, it's kind of interesting.

I think people leave their energy in places even when they're not there.

Yes.

Because I remember when I was first looking to buy a house and I went to a number of open houses.

There was one house I walked into and it did not feel good at all.

I thought whoever's lived here did not like each other.

You know, it was just kind of weird how I was picking up on some of that.

And it was a beautiful home, but there was an energy there.

And I. I've always kind of picked up on that sort of thing.

I don't know if everybody does.

I think a lot of people go through life and maybe don't pay attention to some of that too.

I agree.

I think that they are responding to energy, but maybe they're not as sensitive or aware as you are.

And so they don't know they are.

And so it's like kind of.

It's starting to point out to people, oh, well, like say, say I'm working with someone on their relationship, they're married.

And, and I'll be like, you know, they'll tell me this whole long story, how everybody feels, what everybody said, who's wrong?

And I'm like, what's the energy, like, between the two of you?

And they'll, they'll, you know, be confused at first.

And I'm like, think about it, you know?

You know, and they're like, oh, well, we're always just like the second we're near each other, it's like I can't breathe.

We, like, we both stiffen.

Like my partner pulls her shoulders in when I walk past her or whatever.

Right.

And you're like, ooh, the energy between you sounds really tight.

What if instead of working on this fight some more, we just.

We work on how do we switch that energy up a little and that even.

Like simple energy clearing practices, right?

Like energy separation, calling your energy back, Those kinds of things.

You do not have to understand them or have any extra belief systems about them to use these practices that have been around since, you know, anything we know about humans in any culture, they've believed in energetic practices, chakra systems.

You know, ancient Egyptians had tons of energetic practices.

And so those things still have a lot of value.

And they're really easy.

Right.

How easy is it to be in an argument with someone and be like, can we just try to clear the energy for a second?

But if that thing Christina told us to do works great.

So you're kind of changing the polarity.

What you were describing with a couple that stiffens up, it's almost like two magnets that want to push each other away.

So you're kind of changing the polarity there.

Yeah.

So they're not repelling each other.

Yes.

And you're teaching both of them to start noticing what you do that makes your partner stiffen like that.

Right.

What's your tone of voice?

How are you coming in at this person that is, you know, it's.

We spend so much time trying to control our emotional state, maybe even our bodies.

And then.

And then energy is just like such a quick move.

Right.

It's like really fast.

I love it for that reason.

You know, energy.

And then of course, when you're talking about tone of voice, I know I am very, very sensitive to that.

Somebody has the wrong kind of tone of voice.

Condescending, patronizing.

The hair on the back of my neck will just stand up.

Yeah, there's something about that.

And of course, their energy goes along with it.

If you're looking at them face to face and they're in the same room, clearly they've got the kind of energy where they're trying to dominate that.

And that does not typically bring about good responses.

People don't like that.

I mean, you may get the response you want briefly, if you're working with coworkers and all of that.

I think you have a lot of adversarial situations that it just breeds contempt.

You do.

And, but what's weird sometimes is say I have a client is a, let's just say a female client, Right.

And she works in a really high power job and she had to like climb over a million people to get the right to be there.

Right.

It's like, and she's developed this way of being at work that's a little cutthroat, let's call it a little edgy at times, A little like, oh, you know, you know that she'll come at you if she's, if she's disrespected and then say this woman gets put into a leadership position and all of a sudden she has a lot of people working for her and that doesn't work anymore.

Right.

And she needs to be, she needs something softer.

Often she, until we start coaching, does not know how she's making people feel.

And so it's a, it's a really quick change.

Once you can point out to someone who goes there, who goes to that place where they're like, my, my place of power is domination.

If you can, if you can help them feel the way they're making other people feel and you can show them how a tone shift and an energy shift can get them what they want.

Right.

It's actually such an easy problem to fix.

And so I think that, that it gives me a lot of encouragement sometimes.

My work with energetics and, and kind of harnessing the body through Somatics to help people shift, things like that.

Because I think we kind of demonize and red flag people for personality traits that are pretty easy once they feel that kind of empathy and sort of get more consciousness of themselves to sort of make, you know, be like, okay, yeah, I could try it this different way.

Right.

I see it now.

Right.

Like you were saying earlier, can be so hard to see ourselves.

Oh, very, very definitely.

Yeah.

So you're getting people to pivot and I was going to say empathy, basically you're getting people to develop that that's required if you want to be able to get along.

You need to be able to sense how you are being perceived.

Yeah, I was going to say I work, I've been working for the same, with the same people for the last 13 years, every two weeks, you know, same, same, same.

And we, we work our crew's 120 people and there's only.

Right now we only have six women.

But I.

It is so easy.

Everyone has a life.

Everyone has their stressors, everyone has their anxiety, their problems, their health issues, their family.

You know, there's death, there's whatever, divorce, a lot of divorce up here.

But what I've, what I've chosen to do years ago is that if I'm going to be here for a while and I, I can't be.

I don't want to be deflecting what people are sending out, you know, you know how their energy.

When like there was a girl, I'll give you an example, she was just miserable.

She'd come around the corner and even though she was only like five foot something, her energy would almost knock you over because it was so negative.

And I'm like, oh my God, like, I gotta work with this girl.

Like, how do I do this?

Like, I can't.

I don't want to be that one to be grouchy.

Because she's grouchy, right?

So it's like she had this cloud above her head.

So I decided, I said, you know what?

I am just going to be.

Send her love maybe, you know, that's it.

Just in a very unobtrusive, invisible way.

So when she was coming around that corner all huffing, puffing, angry, I just, I wouldn't even say good morning.

I just, you know, I'd inner.

I would send her a little bit of love and a little bit of jet gentleness and kindness as I'm walking by.

And I would say, may the blessings be, you know, just kind of like, you know, let.

Let the world, Let the universe help this person if it's.

That's what's needed.

Well, son of a gun.

If the universe didn't conspire within.

After about a week of this, she started slowly just coming instead of every time she'd see me.

She wouldn't be so negative.

She'd.

I'd almost catch a smile.

I'm like, oh my God, something's happening here.

But then what happened was that we, we were each in a, in a big truck and there was an incident that involved like she slid and I was coming down a ramp and I almost slid into her.

So it was, it was.

I. I hit, I hit this.

Well, I didn't hit, but anyway, it was a big incident, even though we didn't.

Or it wasn't an actual accident, but it was called a near miss.

So the forces that be are our mind.

Procedures put her and I of all people in A little office, all day together that I'm thinking of all people, man, I stuck with this girl like oh crap.

But because we were forced, while they were doing their, their investigation on what happened, we were forced to be in the small room with no windows.

We started talking and it turns out she was going through some domestic violence stuff and didn't know how to handle it.

And I come from a long history of domestic violence.

So by the end of that day we were friends and we, we had talked about, you know, real things and not just superficial crap.

And so it changed the dynamics of everything.

And this is only because, and I really believe this because I was willing to not send back what she was putting out, you know.

Well, yeah, and from like a shamanic perspective where most of my training comes from, in this you like, you opened your heart space, right?

And you energy separated you, didn't you?

You were like a light instead of a mirror like everybody else around her.

When you have that kind of a low vibration and you're that negative and you feel that trapped, everyone around you just reflects back to you more negativity, right?

Well, they do.

And then they start, they were.

They start talking about her and this and that.

I'm like, I'm not getting pulled into that.

No way, man.

Like you're just not.

And I'm really glad I didn't.

I'm like, oh man.

So now when this, this was like eight, ten years ago.

So now fast forward from that moment on.

That's always what I do.

No matter where I am.

If I see someone coming along and you can feel it from, you know, from a distance, well, I try and exude that, that, that gentleness, that softness, that kindness, that, that, that loving space so that regardless of what they're putting out, I personally am not affected by it.

And they might benefit from what I'm putting out, right?

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

That's like energy separation, right?

And commanding your own energy feel.

I haven't thought about it like that.

There's both very sophisticated.

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Welcome back to Women Road warriors with Shelly Johnson and Kathy Tucaro.

Have you ever understood one of your emotional patterns perfectly and then found yourself repeating it anyway?

That's where Christina Lane says traditional self help and talk based insight can fall short.

Her approach brings the body and nervous system into the process.

So change isn't just something we understand intellectually.

It becomes something we can actually access during an argument on a date, in a difficult meeting at work, or during that two in the morning spiral when all of our old fears suddenly come rushing back.

Christina, you were talking about in your blog, the moment you decide you really want something, why does it become harder to get?

Why do people unconsciously repel what they desperately want?

Because I think that that's what a lot of us struggle with and even say we want the love for somebody else, but if we're in a low point and we're negative, we're gonna get the opposite of what we want, right?

Well, right.

And so it's like, just relates to the story we just heard, right?

This woman who is feeling in this like really low energy, everything around her becomes that low energy.

Everybody sees her that way, she sees the world that way.

She's like, the world is just terrible and everything in the world confirms to her, yes, it is terrible.

Right?

And so when you first of all, we also know, say, just imagine you're someone with, you know, unlimited money.

So, okay, let's say you're Taylor Swift, right?

You're a billionaire.

She's, she's got a.

And now she's got the man she wants and she's, There is probably very few times that Taylor Swift feels anxious and starts building what I would call, what you know, you may call, some teachers might call excess potential, where she just like has to have something.

She really probably feels pretty neutral and like she can have almost anything she, she desires, right?

She's got a track record of, of making lots of money and records and she's got this, the man she wants and all these things, right?

So she's probably in a really neutral state most of the time.

And that state is where you want to be and you want to be like in a grounded nerve system really in right relationship with your life.

It's only when we think we can't have something that we move into this like, really clingy, anxious place and other people don't like that.

And every single thing we want comes through other people, right?

Like every dollar we get in some way comes from another person believing, we should have that dollar.

And so if you.

You're.

You're working with the world, you're working with other people, you need other people to want to give and be around you and be attracted to you, then you have to be in this really neutral place that is attractive to other people.

The second you start grabbing at life and filling your life with fear, it will just reflect that back to you.

And then it's just a compounding problem.

Right?

Because if you're like, oh, the world is so hard, everything is so bad.

There's nothing I need, I can't get anything, then everything you read, everything you look at starts to confirm that, because all your attention is on what you can't have.

And when you really, really, really want something in that grabby way besides that, you're building up all this, you know, energy that's repelling it, really.

It's also, I think something I teach about in my curriculums is called what is and isn't on your menu.

And it's almost always been true for me that if I've wanted something in a way that repels it because I'm just desperate for it, it's not even something that I would call on my menu.

It's not even the partner I should have had.

It's not even the job that was quite right for me.

Right.

It was like this thing that I had imagined would be perfect and would be right for me.

And, you know, if the times I got that thing, I had to work really hard to get it, get away from it.

So I think the other part of building up all this excess potential and all this, like, anxious emotion around something you want is you're not stopping and thinking about, why am I so anxious about this?

Like, why am I so.

Why am I, like, filled with fear and grabbing at this so hard?

Is it even quite right for me?

Is it even real?

Is it even what I've imagined to be?

So those are kind of the two things I think, that you're working with in that scenario where you.

I just have to have this thing, and it just becomes harder.

And we do.

I think a lot of people do that to themselves at some point in their lives because there's something we really, really want.

Yes, you're changing people's perspectives and creating some positive and really intuitive awareness, which I think people need.

We aren't taught that.

And it's something that has to be practiced to get good at it.

Where do people reach out to you?

And do you work with People remotely.

Yeah, I see my clients.

I see all of my one on one clients on Zoom.

They go to my website, christinalanecoaching.com and then I have a monthly membership as well, where people come to live workshops with me.

They can access all my library of courses and meditation recordings and that kind of thing.

That's $27 a month.

And then I see some clients one to one as well.

And then I also write.

I write every week on Medium and Substack and that's.

Those are my two main social media channels.

But there's also, you know, Instagram is up and those kinds of things too.

Where do people find you on your substack and on Medium?

If you go to my website, it is right on my homepage, Christina Lane, coach.

But if you type on Medium, it's Christina Lane coaching.

And the same on Sub stack.

If you just type that in, you'll find it.

But on my website are all my social media channels right at the top.

Excellent.

We've just scratched the surface here.

There's a lot that you cover, but this is, this makes so much sense because a lot of people go to counselors and they aren't necessarily engaging their bodies.

And we're not separate.

I mean, we're in these bodies and we kind of have to get along with our bodies too.

I think we.

I think we take him for granted, to be honest.

Like, we forget about it.

And actually another thing is you don't know what you have till you lose it.

Right?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

This has been fabulous.

Thank you so much.

Oh, my gosh.

I really enjoyed it.

And yeah, I just agree that we're.

We're an energy field.

We're emotions, we're a body, we're a mind, and we're in relationship with all those aspects of other people too.

So even just getting a little bit of attention on those layers, it really just makes your life easier.

It's a big symbiosis, isn't it?

Yes.

Yes.

To use a big word.

Yeah.

Thank you, Christina.

This has been great.

Yeah.

Thank you.

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