Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode, Robb and Tina dive into the complexities of love and relationships, exploring the question of whether it's harder for men or women to love. They discuss the inherent differences in communication styles, emotional processing, and expectations between genders. Robb argues that men are generally simpler and more logical, while Tina counters that women often think in more complex, emotional ways. The conversation touches on the challenges of understanding each other's perspectives and the importance of effective communication in relationships. They also reflect on their personal experiences, emphasizing the need for compromise and the willingness to put in effort to make relationships work.

Explicit

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Welcome to another show don't get this twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. How you doing Tina?

I'm good, Rob. I was out on the bike all day and I'm cold and I'm tired and it's a good day to do this. I'm here and

mean, you're here in voice. I can't see you today. I don't know there's something wrong with your camera. So. Your stuff. Yeah. Well, very good.

No, it's so weird. I don't know what the heck you give me new new cables to put into my My little setup here and now of a sudden you can't see me I can't say i'm sorry I look like hell though because I was on the bike all day and in the sun and In all the elements we had them all today. So I'm kind of looking worn

Yeah, I think I think we have it down of what it is, though, we'll have to test the theory later on. But I think it's a it's an update. Update. I think so. No, no, no, I know I have to I have to get into your computer off, you know, away from here so I can fix your shit. It's always fun. I feel like tech support.

Yeah, let's hope so. Because I'm not Ms. Tech-Savvy over here.

You are.

So we had we we've had some shows from like a long time ago that we just kind of sat on and we overdid and then did something else and then thought about this one and this one. I think this one is going to be an interesting one because we're probably going to disagree a little bit, but probably only a little bit. It was are we hard to love men and women like basically?

Is it hard for women to love men or is it hard for men to love women?

hard to love. Yeah, or like who's harder to love? Like, I think there's a lot to be said to that. And I'll just give you like my side of it first, I guess. Because I think men are just easier to love. Like we... Yeah, because, well...

You think so?

Okay, I think we're easier to love from the standpoint is that I just think men are simple We're we're just way simpler creatures than women

I would say in a way that's true. My ex used to say that men are linear thinkers like they they think in a straight line where women like you you know, you have them talk about something and they twist and turn and go in circles and they get off the beaten path and then they go back to it and then somehow there's a an emotional surge. He made fun of it one day. It was hilarious. But he was right. Women don't think linear and they

Yeah,

I think they really kind of bugged the shit out of some men with the way they act. Yeah. Yeah.

Here's the thing. It's not that you... I just think that we are so simple or we are more logical where women are more emotional. So you guys think with your emotions and we think with logic. And I don't mean like that women can't be logical.

Mm.

That right there is a problem, Rob.

I just think men in general are logical. I'll give you a very easy example and we've talked about it on here a bazillion times. If a woman asks a man, are you okay? And he says, I am. Guess what? He is. If a man asks a woman if she's okay and she says, I'm fine. The way men think logically, he's going to go, all right, he's going to walk away.

You're fine. You said it. You said you're fine to me. Just like I said I was fine to you. I meant it. Where a woman may not do that. You see what I mean?

I don't know. I was asked today, how are you doing? And I did say, go, I'm doing good. Are you sure you're doing good? You need to talk about anything? like, no, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm getting a grip on things since I had my accident. I had my accident and my brain has not worked the same and I'm really struggling. And it's caused some depression. It's caused a lot of anxiety because it's not me to be like this.

Not being able to turn to people that I normally go to for help because of what they're going through has been really difficult and I think that my one friend has seen me just not be okay and But I said today no, I'm doing really good and then I got it. Are you sure and I'm like, yeah Today I'm doing alright. Don't ask me for tomorrow. Don't ask me for next week. But today I'm doing really good and I got a

You

Alright, like, let's go then, you know?

I was, I was fine, I was fine all day.

Right. Which, which look, I'm not saying I'm saying that some women or women are known for saying they're fine and not being fine. And then wanting a man to prod more instead of being, instead of just going, I'm not okay.

Right.

So and again, I'm not I'm not saying all women I'm not saying most I'm just saying that it definitely happens and I think that Again, we're just we're just so different. I think men that we're It doesn't take a lot to make most men happy

And again, I could be wrong. but from what all my male friends have said, you know, and I hate to be so.

Silly sounding. But we really want like food, sex, and to chill out. We want peace. And I know that that's such a hard thing to throw around because that's like the new like red pilly thing.

I think yeah, I think guys say that a lot. I want peace and yet and yet I find That they want to bug me You know, it's like if you want peace go Go have your peace but Don't come to me if you Say you want your peace, but you really don't I have a hard time with that

I think men want peace with their woman. I don't think they want peace alone. That's silly. That's why... Look, men love women.

Yes, do you drive us bonkers? Absolutely. But here's the thing, we still want you. It's just a... We want to come home to...

again, peace, whatever that peace is, you want to come home to someone who wants us there. Who actually isn't gonna I'm not I don't want to walk in the door and get fucking hammered with a million things right when I get home.

Right.

want peace. just want to chill. I want to come home. I want to I want to hug and kiss my girl. I want to take a hot shower her with me if you know all is the best if you have a shower big enough. And then I want to eat dinner with her and I want to sit on the couch and then I want to talk.

I love talking. I love talking with my girl. It's one of my favorite things to do. But I also don't want to get like, I don't want to hear like, I don't want to walk in the door and just feel like it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, you're just like, okay, like, slow down. Like, hold on a second. And like I said, I'm okay. I said in the last show, I think that most of your day should be talked about within the first 20 minutes of coming home.

So if you have that kind of relationship, more power to you. Let's do that. Let's give this all out of the way so we can enjoy our day. Because I don't want to hear about how, know, Lucy at work, you know, shit on you all day long. I don't want to hear that at 10 o'clock at night. I want to hear it when I get home. And then I can go to you and go, do you want me to fix it or listen? That's it.

That's why I say men are mostly easy. And if I want to talk, I'm going to say, hey, what do you think? Or this is what happened. My day sucked. Let's try to make it better.

I don't, I don't normally come home with a lot of problems from work. I was thinking about that just now. like, I'm being a hairdresser. There's not problems. mean...

Yeah, because I think you're an independent contractor. Mm-hmm

Yeah, I just go do my thing and and truly I don't I don't like to spend a lot of time complaining You know the more time you spend complaining the more time you have where you're not happy And and when you're and when your spouse or whoever you're with comes home and they're not happy like now I got two of us that aren't happy that just doesn't It's not the way I want to be and i've noticed that that I don't have a lot of stress so I

When I walk out of that shop, I'm like, see you later. Now, if you want to ask me, hey, so you saw your cousin so-and-so, how did that go? Well, I could reference back to my appointment and say, yeah, I heard from them. We did this or whatever. And that'd be that. I'm very fortunate that I don't have a lot of stress that goes home with me.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and look, I want to be the person that listens and takes on some of that stress. If you talking to me about how your boss is a bitch,

helps you, that helps me. Right? I want her to be happy. I just want to make sure that it's not everything. It just can't. There's no way that you can sustain a healthy relationship doing that. You know?

every day.

Right?

So that's what I mean by like and again, I'm not saying that that women are hard to love you know, I just You can

I think we make it hard for men to love us, for sure, because men don't want to put in... I'm also seeing this lately, men don't want to put in a lot of effort. Like, effort equates with drama, which, know, gets equated to, like somebody that can't... they can't be around. And then I'm seeing that even if you're not...

Yes. OK. I'm good with not being a lot of drama. don't I try not to be a lot of drama to my mate.

drama enough men don't trust that either and I thought that was kind of fun.

Yeah.

I don't want to be drama either. You

Right, you shouldn't be there's there isn't but but yeah, could you imagine I got to well? It doesn't seem like you're passionate about anything i'm not passionate about anything really like you got the wrong person because there's I think I live a life where i've got passion for things and doing stuff and trying new things and I thought that was so funny like I don't know I guess I needed to be much more of a pain in the ass for that

I also think I guess it matters like who you're with right if you're with somebody who is Like super duper passionate about stuff You should probably find a mate who has some kind of that, but it can't be like 24 7 I just think you you find it to be where

right?

And again, like we've talked about opposites attracting like right? you can two different people? And I think that that you can absolutely do that. You don't have. Right, right, right, right. That is kind of true. And I mean, I guess.

I couldn't have picked more of an opposite person to marry than the one that I did.

Yeah. No, it's really true. He'll admit it too.

I guess really with me you could probably say the same thing where you know although we had we did have things in common I would still say that that there were some things that probably didn't help you know at the time she partied and I didn't like there were certain things that like you know but I don't think that they were things that were going to

to hurt our relationship long run. was just, it was things that, cause I mean, like we lasted 10 years. So obviously like there was some kind of connection there. I just think it's, it's one of those things where,

Right.

And again, I'm going to defend the man point because obviously, we're just simple. So if you if you do your best to to make things simple, I guarantee you in most cases, men will you'll have a great relationship with them. Because men are fixers, right? We want to fix things or do things. I have no I love doing certain things like

Right?

Love working on the house, you know, you want to put up you want to put you know Build something I'm all in if you want to put up the Christmas lights. I'm all in if you you know what I mean, But you also have to be a driving force behind that. I don't think there's anything wrong with like Hey, I want to do this today. Cool. That's bitchin But I also think men are

generally not spur of the moment type people. You know, we like things to have, you don't want to come home from work and then right when you get home, your mate goes, we're leaving. And gave you no heads up about it.

He

That's that's why I'm saying that like we're like, Okay, I wish you would have told me about this because like maybe I didn't have the greatest day and Some people don't want to put on a face to go out You know what I mean? I don't want to put on a mask and be like hey, haha So glad I'm here because that's just not reality. I'd rather And if I did it to my mate, I'd rather have her go

No, I don't feel like going out. Cool. All right. Because I could I would go, OK, I guess I'm not going out. I'm OK with it. But you both have to be on the same page, I guess, with some.

I think it's kind of nice when I could say, you want to come? And they'll say yes or no. And then they come to what they want to come to, and they don't come to what they don't want to. And I do my thing, and they do their thing. To me, it's like, how emerged in my day to day do you really want to be? Because this is what I do, and come with me or not. It's OK.

That's true. But for how long? Do you see what I mean? Like, how long is that going to be okay?

Well...

It should always be okay because somebody should always be making an effort to bridge the gap. Like if there's something that they don't want to do, I should probably do that while they're working so that they don't have to deal with it once their time starts. Or maybe I don't go sometimes or, you know, maybe I just be okay that he's going to sit on the couch and play video games. I mean, we have to, you have to compromise.

Right, that's what I'm trying to say is that

Mm-hmm.

But I normally, the way I do it is just, you want to come or not? I mean, the choice is always yours. And the more effort that a person makes for me, the more effort I make. I go to the, I go to the, to the depths where I, I'll even go and be uncomfortable to make somebody else happy. So.

Mm-hmm.

Right, mean, so I'm unfortunately the same way. I just don't, it just makes for sometimes not a great time. Because some people can get poppy and be like, say shit that shouldn't be said because you're, you don't want to be there.

Yeah.

Right. Well, I always...

no, no, no. You know what I really have learned to understand is you always want to put your mate in the best light. Like, just put them in the best light so they can walk into any situation in your world and be okay in it. And that's just fair. Like, you don't want to set them up for humiliation. I hate when I see people do that.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I have I been have I done that in the past? Absolutely. Did I learn from it? Absolutely. Did I stop doing it and try to be better? Absolutely. You just have to but But I don't I feel like if you want your mate around in any way shape or form you cannot stomp on him because the second you do he's walking into a situation where he's not going to be treated well or he's

Yeah,

gonna be judged and not know it that you can't set up your mate that way.

Absolutely. like I said, I I think also length of relationship matter in the things we're talking about. You know what I mean? If it's something that you've been in for 10 years, I think that there's, you guys should know each other pretty well. know, actually three years in, you should know each other pretty well.

If you've lived together and you've done things together You should pretty much know what your maid is going to say now I Think there's always negotiation right? It's like if families in town You shouldn't you should never say no to family to me and that's just my own opinion if you know if my mates mom came to town

And even if I was tired to all hell, I would go because that's their family. You know what I mean? So there's there's all. It is, but you're but you're my mate. No, that.

Right. But now here's the flip side. It's my family and there's always something going on. No, no, I mean in the sense of there's always something happening. There's always something that they should show up for. That's that gets a little overwhelming. And I always felt like I needed to say, hey, this isn't a big deal if you don't come to this. But the next one will be, you know.

Right. Right. That's kind what I'm trying to say though is like, if it's like, let's say your mate is from out of town, right? If their parents don't live in the same place. Yes. I think if you're in a family that does things like, you know, once a week, that could get

Yeah, you gotta make.

a little much.

Welcome to my room.

It just can right so what I'm saying is if if you're If you happen to be you know Your your mates parents live out of town or something. You should always make a Effort to you know see them so like is I because I look at like my parents my they're you know

or from out of town. So it would definitely be. I couldn't say no, like if they're in town, I'm going to go see him. So. Now, if it's if it's like friends that live in town, it's like, OK, it's like you can only do that for so long until someone goes, are we always going to do this? Like I want to have time with you, I want to spend time with you.

Absolutely.

Now and again, these are all things that are that should be Should be talked about You know what I mean? Like I don't know. It's it's a It's an effort, you know the all these things we're talking about I think take effort so And I in just like just like women men can be

Mm-hmm.

testy and can have, you know, can be dicks just because they want to be a dick, you know, and I think that that you, you actually also have to be able to call your mate out. You know, you guys need to get to a relationship status where, you know, you can go to your mate and kind of go, hey,

Yeah.

You know, you're being kind of shitty. You know, you just got to make sure you don't use those those crazy words, you know. You can't use like you're being a bitch because then that's a whole other, you know, then you open up a whole nother can of worms. I but. I mean, you know.

Yeah. That's not the worst thing you could be called though, to be honest with you. Like when I hear that, I'm like, here we go again. Somebody thinks I'm a bitch.

I don't know, american females they hear the c word and they lose their mind where I watch too much british tv I say that because it's Like you know, it's like friends call each other that word so It's My thing out of all this is like i'm saying I I don't think I don't think all women are hard to love because I that's not necessarily true some women are

Heh.

incredibly easy. But, you know, I, I've had friends who are female who have told me in the past that they're the way they talk and the way they do things is is way more like a dude. Like, and I was like, that's kind of an interesting way of looking at it. Where they're like very blunt. They say crazy shit.

just very manly and I don't mean manly as in you know want to throw yeah just they just do things like a man would do like very feminine women but just certain things are like yeah this is what I do and it's kind of like that's kind of guy thing and I was like okay well maybe that could be true where

Masculine.

It's not necessarily a masculine trait. It's just, they can be dicks. That's what she said. She would even say that. She goes, I can be a dick. And I was like, okay, my whole thing is that, so that's how I feel about men. But men were just easy. So do you find that women would be easy to love or hard to love?

I don't think when you put love in a sentence anything is easy You know like love is kind of a really fucking hard thing and it seems like now this time in my life is different than time before because I don't remember people not getting along as much as or as They don't get along as well as they used to

huh. That's true, but we're... Yes. Mm-hmm.

So we're already at a divide and it's I think we're like stuck in this hole I can't allow this because then somebody will get one up on me like you can't even people race from one red light to the next you know and and and They're always trying to get one up on somebody. They don't even know and and so it's the same in relate relationships and dating these days. It's like

Correct.

hurt hurt them before they hurt me sort of mentality and I see that a lot and I'm not like that I could care less like if if we're not working Let's go our separate ways. I that's how I think it should be done not let's stay in a situation where we're really not happy and then

Right.

to make each other miserable. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be in that.

You You

But I think women make women make things difficult because they think about a lot of different things in a lot of different ways all at once. Where men are like, I thought we were talking about this and now we're talking about that. And now I'm just fucking confused and don't want to play. So it's kind of hard to be in a situation where you communicate effectively. And I think that that's more of the key.

I have a friend who thinks that he's too... He's a pain in the ass, to be honest with you, from time to time. And he wants to like... fuck with me and say things and think he's gonna get a response. My response has been, whatever, or like, I'll ignore the situation and he'll say, you gonna...

Mm-hmm. .

Are you gonna answer me? And I was like, I have no intention on getting in that conversation. Like I, I literally just shut it down and, and then sometimes like he'll say, you must be mad because you didn't say anything. And I'm like, I don't even know what to say or what, what is it worth for me to say something is another side to it. Like, I, I really don't, I have a hard time doing that. Like if we can't be.

Mm-hmm.

Upfront and we can't be kind and we can't be good to each other like I shut down and I know that a lot of a lot of men want somebody that they could bicker and do that sort of thing with but I I could do it to an extent but I'm more of One of those literal people that'd be like, what did you just say? Quit being a fucking dumbass like just stop, you know But I think that

Right. I think.

because I was raised more by men that I kind of figured that out. don't, I think I'm more the exception, not the rule. I don't know. But I find it very difficult with men because they're, because women have just shit on them and made it hard.

Well, think look, I think it's both sides, right? I think a lot of men have really, and ruin them, like really kind of just sent them to a whole other plane of trauma, right? Where I think both sides now are

shit on women too, for sure.

points where they just don't trust the process anymore. Right? Well, that's the other thing. Yeah. Well, that's kind of the thing. You're right. Like, where do you, where do you,

Mm-hmm.

And if you're not drama right off the bat, they're like, wait, what's going on? Like, I'm not used to this.

You're gonna be hardcore.

Where do you set the line at, right? Of issues. I've said before and I'll say it a hundred times, we're all broken, right? There's no way that...

Yeah.

We don't come with some kind of baggage. Now, do some people come with Paris Hilton baggage? Absolutely. Where it's just fucking, you know. Yeah, and it's just like tons of issues.

Right.

You

That's a shit show.

Yes, and I think that's both sides. think both both people can come with that. I think the other is are you willing to unpack the baggage with them? Right? But how do you get to that? How do you get there, right? That's the thing. A lot of people aren't

Well, I-

aren't willing to even get past that. Yeah.

I think the problem is people are trying to put the cart before the horse like in in dating now, it's like No, we need to have sex before we do anything. No, we really don't like if I don't know your last name Chances are I'm not gonna get naked with you if if you haven't Like told me who you are. Yeah, that's not gonna happen again. Like I Always say that women need

Some sort of something in order to want to sleep with a guy where a guy just needs a warm body and and some boobs I I really don't think he needs much more than that or maybe an ass if he's not a boob guy They're normally one or the other but To me it's like To me it's like I can't Do that if you want me to like you don't even force yourself on me like that wait till I kind of let you know that i'm ready for that and then it's on

Yeah. True. Mm-hmm.

And then tell me and it's not because I'm frigid and it's not because I don't want to have sex. It has nothing to do with that. It's like, let me get to know you, please. Let me like that's key.

I think me and and I will go with some other men that I know because I have talked to about things like this I would tell you that I think that if you can wait

A little while before you have sex with somebody it makes that art so much better I mean I also but I kind of agree with what you were saying. I think you need to understand the human you're in bed with You know what I mean it? look

For sure. Because a woman needs to feel things in order for her to give you what you need.

Yes, yes.

If you know some of the

issues or trauma or you know, past experiences that come with that person I I believe there's you can tiptoe into having sex with them and Not mess with their head not you know, because like look sex is also mental You know

Yeah, absolutely.

For everybody. As much as people like to say for men it's just a wet hole, I actually disagree coming from the man's side. Well, it's, well, for one, I'm old, right? So I think I've lived with several mates.

Hehehe.

Well that's good to know that you're not thinking that horrible about women.

So you learn about human beings and you learn that...

Right?

You know, sometimes the payoff is better. You're also going to have a better lasting relationship if you build it around something other than sex. You know what I mean? Like, I think you're definitely going to end up in a relationship that means something.

Right.

Yeah.

If it's 24 hours sex, good luck. It's never gonna work because somebody is not going to want to be involved in that right then. They're just not.

And then you know life gets involved where you just have so many things you can't give it a whole 12 hours like You're lucky if you get one hour It's just life

Mm-hmm. It's true. So if you build that relationship on togetherness, that sexual tension generally builds. So you're going to end up with someone who can't wait to be around you and be with you.

Yes.

to the point where you're finding ways to do it. You know? Right, but I mean, when you, like you just said, when you're having life in front of you, it becomes difficult where you're now both like, hey, you know, and you're, and it means something. You're not, it's...

Absolutely, and should, I mean...

Like I talked about on the last episode like you You know when you have and I hate to say crazy sex because I don't think that's what it is But you're having sex, you know Outside or in front of the window or in the kitchen, you know, whatever whatever your said, you know unconventional sex is Yeah, I mean, you know sure

Less vanilla?

We'll get to that on the sex shows once we do them but I Think that that's just more passionate if if you find yourself, you know again like Knowing there's someone in the backyard and you don't care. That's passion that's just reacting to You know, whatever happens at the time where

Yes.

And again, I hate to say that men are so one-dimensional because I don't think that all we think about is sex, but that would But that would also make us easier to love Because if you because if you have sex with your mate more he's going to give you the world But you also have to realize that that's just not everything

in a mountain time.

Right?

But we also need to look at the fact that not too many men really want to be in a relationship. Like if we're looking at guys of this age, let me tell you what's going on. They're divorced. They've been through the wringer. We live in California, so they've given up everything they've worked for. They gotta take care of kids. They gotta do everything. They gotta find a place to live.

Correct.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You

They were already paying for a place, but now they gotta pay for a new place and the old place and bitterness is set in. Like truly, I see this over and over again and then they want a date and I'm like, you're still bitter. Like you can't be bitter anymore. You have to put that down and now be ready to date somebody else.

I agree. think look, here's what I'm going to say about just people in general. You will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever heal ever. There's always going to be a blip of something left behind. Now, should you get past pretty much everything? Absolutely. Life.

Life needs to go on.

No, life does go on because it has to. So to when I started thinking of like that kind of thing where you are right, like you can't you can't just. Fester in your own shit, you gotta you gotta realize that if you've broken up with somebody, your mate has moved on period. That's just it. And it's OK.

Yeah. Yes.

No.

That's supposed to happen.

Yes, and you're supposed to move on. you know, I asked somebody, I was dating someone and...

Absolutely.

they were also married at one time. And obviously I got divorced and we were talking about like seeing your ex with their new partner. And I said, listen, at some point your ex is going to see you with someone new. And is it gonna suck? Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

But that's reality. And then I asked them, well, what are you going to do when you see your ex with somebody new? And they were like, I don't know. It's like, mean, have you moved on? And they're like, well, yeah, then you'll be fine. So if you have to think about it, you're not OK. You're not ready.

You know, I got, I got not dragged into it, you know, going, I met my ex-wife's new boyfriend at a birthday party for my own son. So you have to,

Yeah, I remember that.

Realize that life is going on That's it It's it's it's part of your life. It's part of your past. It's part of your future that's just what it is it and and and I and I don't mean to like crap on people who have just been broken up with like get over it, but How long how long can you fester in your own shit if you've been broken up?

A month I can understand where you're like, ah, this is sucky like yeah, because it is sucky. It's still an open wound If you've been broken up a year I mean

Really? It's... If your significant other has moved on already and you're looking at it like, can fix this still, you're probably wrong. You know what I mean? I mean...

Not anytime soon But then they see that they see the guys do things like differently than women women they hurt right away men are normally relieved and then they want to go out and get a new relationship right away and Then like things may may not work out they start to miss the other person and that's when they come back where women they'll miss you miss you miss you heal through that and then

They'll be on their merry way when a man wants them back.

Yeah, I mean

I would say that if a woman generally starts a new relationship, they have already moved on. Or if you're thinking hard about starting a relationship, you know what I mean? Maybe you haven't yet, but you're okay with going out and you're okay with talking to people.

It's out.

And maybe you've given your phone number to somebody, you know, someone odd who would like has a name that's a city, like something stupid. And you're just like, yeah, like, I'm going to see what this is. You've moved on and you know it and you need to either tell your ex-mate that you've moved on and that's okay.

Because then they'll heal and move on. Too many people, I think that's what makes us hard to love, right? That we as a species, both sides,

you need to have some kind of critical thinking of this is done and it's okay.

You know, mostly if they tell you. You know, if someone comes to me and is like, yeah, this isn't working. I, you know, I think we should like not see each other. To me that there is no more, but I can make this work.

Right.

Not anymore. I might have thought about that years ago and I would have continued to try. But you can't. That's just not reality. If you're lamenting in this, all I have to do is win him back. The odds are probably not very good. You should play the lotto.

right?

I don't know. I you know what I got to tell you that I've learned that I didn't know Was a real thing is that they all come back

A lot.

I have not, I have not had one that has not. Other than, other than my ex, like my ex that I was married to, we really ran the gamut on that whole relationship and, and now we're really good friends, but see, we're good friends. So there is a level of coming back around or of fixing things or of moving past the hurt. and man, if I, if I had, if I had.

Every time somebody came back around I'm like you're fishing again go away like not into it But they they do come back they will come back and at any given point They would even have sex married or not like I'm that's just what I'm experiencing

Right, buy the nickel.

Right. Yeah. I gotta tread lightly on this one. I will tell you though that most women do not come back.

No, I would agree with that because I thought when it was over you weren't supposed to go back and I've noticed that this is what I'm learning now as a 54 year old woman that that the men do it but women are like, I'm so over that and but it's Isn't it just like a man and a woman to be completely different even in that? You know, it's like It's amazes me that we could even get together

Yeah. Yeah.

as a man and woman at any time because of the way life is and how it's structured.

Agree. I will tell you this though. I think generally the person who who thinks they ruined the relationship comes back.

So like if a man thought, I'm the problem, I screwed this up, I did all this stuff, and then realizes, you know, this woman was great, and then there's an opening, he might try to take that.

Yep. I would agree. I've seen that that's happened.

So yeah, so but I'll tell you the flip side of like the woman. don't think I think even if a woman thinks she fucked it up, she won't she won't be the one who who initiates it. She'll just go, you know. And again, I'm playing, you know, the bell curve. Sure. Are there women who come back? Absolutely. I mean, yeah.

Yeah, and they're dumb when they do. Like the stuff that they do, I'm like, why would you even bother coming back, you dumbass? Those ones seem to come back.

I mean

Yeah, I think look I think like I said most people come back who think they screwed it up and now Have a chance and again, it all matters to how old they are There's a lot of different things that like I've talked before where I think if you're trying to make a relationship work and You've only been out of it

You know two years Probably not a good thing to try to come back to because you you haven't grown you know like right now if you're coming back and it's been ten years and you've been both been married and you both are divorced and you're both like you've you've lived enough to be different people right

Yeah.

Nothing's changed.

And I mean shit I saw I saw the my first love 20 years later

You know what mean? Like, and, and just different, right? We were different people. So it was,

But were you though? In a lot of ways I think, cause I'm the outsider in that situation, you guys are very much the same person that you were back then. Just older and more mature. And life has taken a different, you know.

I mean you were there so yeah that's what I mean though like that's where I think we're different though we're life you know things that we have done like you know I'm not saying that like we're we're different on the inside we're emotionally different we've we've had we've

We've lived lives, right? We've lived experiences where now I might not do what I did, you know, 30 years ago, right? I'm not going to, I'm not going to let someone just walk out of my life. I'm not just going to, you know, right, but no, but I've done this with several different mates.

Right.

Well, I think that comes with age too. You didn't know back then like what was going to happen.

Like I've done. I've looking back on relationships that I've been in and, and since her with other people, I did kind of the same thing where I just, I, I let things grow out of control to where they thought certain things. And I'm talking several different women. it's, I look at that from the standpoint of

you let them just go.

I think I was just young and immature. Where now I will be less likely to do something like that. You know, you just change, but for the better, I think. And look, I ran into several people that I've dated, you know, years later. And I think it's a good experience because you realize that the people

have grown. Right, but that's what I mean, though. But I've read to people who haven't, too. Like, if I'm going to be honest. Right. Exactly. Like, well, I know people who've been in relationships with people and then will get out of them and go to the same kind of person. So, yeah, you're you're you're

Well, they're supposed to.

Yeah, I know some people that are still doing the same shit the same way.

Replacing this person but with the exact same person so it's you know, there there's a lot to be said to that as well but We we are definitely two different kinds of People men and women You know the the men are from Mars women are from Venus if you haven't read it. It's an amazing book. I read it

For sure.

who I think, well, I read it while, like right after my ex-wife left. Yeah. And then I also underlined things that I thought were about me in red pen. And oh yeah, it was not a good idea. Like I remember going through that book and it was just red. I was like, oh yeah, that's me, that's me.

I read it so long ago I don't even remember.

Wow.

Oi.

So, and I think, like I said, we're just men are generally just simple creatures. So, but that being said, I think you can't be a simple creature and not realize that the person you're with might not be. You know, you can't use your way of thinking on them because it doesn't work.

for sure.

Yeah.

Well, not only that, but I think that I think that people miss out on opportunities when they don't look for differences in somebody that they want to be with. Like it shouldn't be all about everything being the same. There's so many things like I spent 22 years with my ex being completely polar opposites. And you know what you do? You find middle ground.

And if you want your relationship to work, that's what you do. You don't... I don't know. Life would be so boring if I had married me.

Absolutely, me too. Look, do I want things, some things to be like me? Absolutely. I want someone who fits all the things I'm not. You know what I mean?

For sure.

I want and and vice versa. want someone to I want to fill some spaces that they're not like that that I am That you can't be like that. You know, you I'm gonna read you a quote That I think is like super duper perfect because you said, know, it's and Missing an opportunity that the quote is opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks a lot like work

you

Thomas Edison said that which is absolutely perfect, but it's true. think Sometimes you look at your mate or a potential mate and go man. That's a lot of fucking work. Do I really want to do that? Even though you've had really good times with these people right like you've you've dated you've gone places you've

You've had dinner, you've hung out with friends, you've, you know, some family's been around, like, and then you still go like, fuck, this is a lot of work. But yeah, it is work, but are you happy during the work? And I think that's the biggest thing. That should be your, your measuring stick. Are you happy during the work?

Right?

Mm-hmm.

Because if you are, stop running. You know what I mean? It's...

Yeah, I like when people say well, I don't know if we're a match but let's be friends let's be friends to me means this person sticking with me until the day I die and I know that because that's been my life like you want to friendzone me and then I hear well you know what you're such a good person you would have done it like this or that I'm like don't don't do that because now we're friends

All right. Correct. The friend zone is a very scary place to be in. And I'll tell you why from a man point of view.

Mostly if you know they like you, you can't be friends with people that you want more than a friend. That's what makes a good mate who's your friend the best. Because yeah, I do want you as my friend. That's why I love to be around you, but I also want to be around you naked. So, and once you, once you're there,

right?

And this is just my advice to any guy run If they want to put you in a friend zone the odds of you getting out are not very good

Now, you're gonna be there forever.

Yeah. And you're going to get the, you know, you're going to get the phone call when something's wrong at the house or, you know, you know, the, the mice are in the basement or, know, whatever it is you're going to, and then you're going to drive down. And the part of that problem is, is that you like them. So you want to be around them. Right. Even if you're chasing mice, because that's the way we're wired.

He

even if you're chasing mice.

You see this person and you know your oxytocin level goes up all these chemicals in your body you're like, man, maybe she'll see me different because I came and got the mouse.

that's how our brain works because we're logical. We're like

But if you pushed her away, why would she ever see you more than somebody that'll take care of a mouse?

Right, but here's the other thing if you push them away a lot of some women fucking come running Which is a whole other a whole other Problem with us, you know, men are very straightforward. I like you I Want to be with you I'm telling you right now and if a guy tells you that there is no hidden meaning anywhere in that

Yeah, I don't do that.

The meaning of that is hey, I really want to be with you. I'm telling you right now. There is no nothing You know and again, I'm gonna sound horrible, but there are women who will lead people on And To for whatever reason there are men as well. I don't want us to say it's women but you know part of that is you have to

You have to find a way to let go. If someone says, just want to be friends, then you have to find your way else to a different place. And that doesn't mean you can't be friends. But like I've said many times to you personally away from here, friends like that you don't talk to every day. You talk to them, you know.

Three four times a year. Hey, happy birthday. Hey, Merry Christmas. Hope things are good Something happens, you know, it's like my friend in North Carolina. You know, there was hurricanes there I don't talk to her really that much. Did I text her when there was a hurricane absolutely and she got back to me. Hey, everything's good. Life's good. Romantic relationships. Good. Awesome. That was it.

And that's so that's where I put you. Once you say you want to be friends after you know that I like you, I can't be the person that you talk to every day because that's for other kinds of relationships. You know what I mean? And and that's why and again, I think that's why we're easy.

Yeah, I get that.

Women are just more of an emotional creature, which is okay. I think as a man, if you go into a relationship with somebody, you understand that that's going to come with it. Right? know, yeah, I mean, look, men have emotions too. We just have different kinds. We have angry emotions.

I would hope so.

Yeah, notice that.

Right? We have, we're full of testosterone. So we get angry and we get, where women don't. I think part of the problem for both of us is that no, everyone keeps it in and never says anything because nobody wants to hurt anyone's feelings.

Used to be like that and now I notice that I say I'm like I'm just gonna say it and you're just gonna have to deal with it and Excuse me, I find that I'm having like Way better conversations way better relationships way better friendships way better everything because I don't have an ego now You know your ego keeps you from saying stuff and I'm just like I'm just gonna put it all out there and my ego is gonna sit over here and

Be.

Mm-hmm.

watch what happens. And, and I've always been like that though. I mean, you could attest to that. I've always been like, let's just say what we're thinking. Like it's okay. And I, and I do that and I feel like I get closer to people, maybe not the people that I, that I want to be around or maybe the people that I shouldn't be around from time to time that will happen, but

Right. Mm-hmm.

But I believe that I have better relationships because I am that open and I do check my ego and when people are even talking shit I'm like, yeah, whatever. Like I'm gonna take my ball and go home because I don't wanna do this. So.

Right. I think a lot of it has to do with obviously, like I said, baggage that comes with it. If you've been with a mate that you could never talk to, they're not going to talk. It's just because

all of sudden, you have to break the ice with people. I told you before and I think anyone who is in any kind of relationship, there's a card game, it's called Let's Get Deep. There's many versions of this kind of thing. There are generally couples games or questions to ask while you're dating. And it's...

Mmm.

And it's really good. It's like an icebreaker question, a deep question, a deeper question, and then an activity. The activity obviously is not for new couples because the activities are like, you know, handsy and kissy and, you know, lovey. So, but I think that if you can be an incredibly truthful human being,

right?

It's one of the greatest things ever. think anyone that you can sit, there's like 200 cards of questions and

they range from all kinds of different things, which I find myself, I told my son to get it for him and his girlfriend. And he's like, you know, we've we've talked so much. go, I understand that. it it will ask like, you know, questions that you would never think, you know, like

Like, you know, I'm looking at the Amazon thing on it and it's like, like a deep question is describe your first impression of me. That is so of a well-rounded kind of question, right? Where it's like, okay, well, I'm going to tell you my first impression. It could be like, you know, your eyes or the shirt you were wearing that, you know, that I noticed. And...

I've done this card game and it's interesting that the questions of how you answer are so like so non sexual. Even though the question may be. And it's I don't know. think. Yeah, it's I'm telling you, it's really good. And like you get to like deeper questions like one of them is what is something you want to do together?

That would be fun to do a couple of questions on the show and do that sort of.

that we haven't done yet. And like to me, that can be a lot of things. That could be, want to travel with you. I want to go to the beach with you. We haven't done this. We haven't done that. It's really funny too, because I was playing it and we were going through the cards and no one, we just pulled out random questions. And this one was an icebreaker question.

Yeah.

the person almost fell out of their chair when they read the question to me, because it was, if you were a wrestler, what would your theme song be? Right. And they knew me as a wrestler as well. So it was, that's how this, this like question started. And from there, it was just like, boom, boom. we, and, but you also, like I said, you, have to be

Been there.

willing to talk we Part of our thing was this is how we're play it if If there's a question you don't want an answer or you don't want to answer it goes in a pile and we're coming back to it and Because some of the questions like you want to think about like how do I want to answer this or how you know what you know what I mean, so

Eww.

Mm-hmm.

And it worked out really cool because it was, it was, you know, altering to be able to do that with somebody. and like I said, think lots of people should really kind of open up. It would, it would make you, it'll make you easier to love.

long run. you

I agree with that. I think the more that I know a person the more I could pull feelings of like or lust or love or whatever because I know about them like and just like we said in the beginning Don't think that first date sex is gonna be fun. It's gonna be a hot mess We're not gonna we're gonna do a lot of things that we could be doing better and and

you know, just go from there.

Yeah, think Even waiting for a kiss Can be You know, I mean, I don't think you want to wait fucking eight dates You know what I mean, but you know, I think you can go you can go the first date and And not do it and and and be okay Yeah

Please, like, please, more person before you lay down with them like that, like, get to know them.

Yeah. Because I think once you wait until the next time, it builds a little bit. And then you can build on the questions you've asked. And then you can open up to more things. then at the end of the day, these are things that we're trying to be easier to love. And again, I don't think men are easy. I just think we're simple.

You know, there's a difference. Like, you just have to understand how we work, you know, both sides, both genders, you have to be able to look at men and women and go, okay, I understand that there she might be like this. And you have to look at him and go, he might be like this, or, you know, whatever, once you go through these steps.

Right?

But as you're changing, right, to understand that you're falling for this person and you want to be in something serious with them, that's when the understanding really becomes necessary of, yeah, it's going to be hard and it's going to be this and it's going to be that. You just have to understand that

Your mate is going to have bad days. They're going to have good days. You know, there's going to be things that I don't want to say the train comes off the tracks, but it's a tad wobbly. Right.

The train does come off the tracks in life, unfortunately. Like I always say, it's gonna be a wild ride with me because shit gets real real fast.

Right, right. No, that's and my thing too is like, you know, I told you before and you know, you have to be careful what we say to each other, right? Because I've I said something to somebody and I kind of regret saying it even though I didn't mean it as something mean. I just meant it as yeah, you are and

It was more just the, know, like I told you before, it's like, you know, you're a lot. And I think now that I look back on that, probably not the best thing to say, but yeah. But I didn't. Yeah. I mean, and it wasn't even that.

You know what, why not just be honest though? Why, if somebody was being a lot, just tell them you're being a lot, you're a lot. You're not an easy...

they weren't easy. It's just at the time, like you are a lot. It didn't mean that like, I don't want to see what this is or I don't want to move forward. I just think that, yeah, you can be a lot, but here's the flip side. Like I've been told that I'm like, you know, a lot that I can be very obsessive and very like, like when I like somebody I'm in.

And then I get obsessive and they're like, so look, I guess we all have these traits of, of like, you know, things can go south very quickly. I just think that, that men and women have to, you know, at the end of the day, you have to realize that

the person you're with or the person you're trying to be with has their own, you know, personality and it might not be like yours. But when you're with them, it's a million bucks and you don't want to not be around them. So obviously there's a lot to that. I guess I'm just, I look at things from the standpoint of like,

Right here.

Yeah, like they they give me this, this, this, and this feeling and they tick, you know, like I told you the 80 % of the boxes. Is if if I can find an 80 % you're you're so ahead of the curve on a person that you can be with. So, you know, when you go out and you start dating. And you're going to.

right?

Right because We all want something You know as much as I could say that you know, I'm done with dating. That's no way You know the the the people I've been around I've had so much fun that You're like, of course I totally want that because we all we all want a mate like people who say they don't want maids I don't care how hurt you are

This is

They're pretty freaking hurt.

I mean, and it could be, but I can't. You know, it's the 80 it's the 80 20 rule. There probably is 20 % of people that are done. And and you know, cool. But I also think that there's 80 % of the people that are out there that just really can't wait to be in a relationship again with somebody who's who fits their. Their puzzle. You know?

Yep.

or puzzles. You just gotta find the right thing to get in there.

Yep, that's all you gotta do. Yeah, sounds so easy.

Yeah, it I Mean like I said, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm just saying that it's out there and and we're we are both incredibly difficult to date and we're both can be incredibly easy to date No men and women No, I like we like I said, I can be difficult. I I'm not gonna

It is.

Are you talking about me and you?

disagree with that. I can get I can be a bit much. can be a bit much. Yeah, I mean. Yeah. And look, we all come with baggage. I'm just looking for someone that matches mine. Got baggage. Not a lot. Yeah.

And I could be a bit much too in the fact that I'm like, yeah, let's try it. Let's go. Let's do it. And people are like, wait, what? Like I'm the flip side of that.

Can we just put it down and go have some fun and then go back to it later? That's what I'm all about.

Well, and I think I think part of that too is if you want to talk about Look, we all have different lived experiences, right? because I had somebody that was like I've been through a lot and And in the beginning I was like I've been through a lot too. And then I went no, I really have

Mmm.

hardest thing I've ever been through is divorce. That's it. So, you know, I mean, I had a good childhood. I, you know, I come from a divorced family, but both my parents like were good to me afterwards. They, they saw each other. hung out at holidays. Like I'm definitely not one of those like, you know, I didn't have a bad childhood.

And then I got married, had a kid, got divorced, had my kid ever since. Now have I had trying times during that? Absolutely. A single dad was rough. You know, there is that. But, you know, hopefully that, you know, the work I put in was worth it and my kid ends up being a good person. You know, can only do so much with that too. You only do so much with your kids.

Right.

There you go.

But I think the best thing we can can do with that is teach them that yeah, it's they're hard, but they're worth it That's it relationships are they're worth it. It's it's Do you want to put in the work and if you don't? Someone is out there that will you know, it's like Have you ever? Have you ever met somebody that just like mostly after a relationship

I agree.

Or that you just went right when you meet him you go, wow Like that's I didn't see that coming that there's nothing better than that And you just got to find that Yeah, that's see that's good you're you're way ahead of the curve then because

I'm normally not surprised. Not like that. I'm a pretty good read.

Yeah, but then the flip side is like you make an assumption and then you better hope you're right because you could be missing out on a really good situation.

Absolutely, that's true. That is very true. But look, everything's a gamble. Every relationship you're ever going to get into from 15 to death is a gamble.

That's just life. And look, if you're not willing to gamble for some kind of happiness, you're never going to be happy.

I say gamble it all every time you get a chance and see what happens next.

That's it. Push all the money in one pile and go, okay, let's see.

Light it on fire.

Because at the end of the day, if it doesn't work, guess what? Life goes on. So. That's about all I can say about it. Anything last words? Yes, we do. I know it's long show is good. We're. Lots of people, so yeah, check us out on all social medias. I've been updating it way more. You can hear it's on everywhere, but.

does. That it does.

No, we gotta get outta here, cause we're at a minute 20, or an hour 20. Minute 20. Long show. Yes.

Nice.

Most of the people pretty much Spotify, Apple and online, which is really kind of nice. We're like, I don't even know the number, but we're like, I think just under 200 downloads away from 10,000. So we're right around the bend and yeah, it's a Pinnin Show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina, I'm Rob. We'll see you in a week. Bye.

There you go.

See ya.