This week I am joined by Dr. Terrance Z. Johnson, who shares his personal growth journey and how it changed the world around him. He shares about extending an olive branch to his father and telling his dad how past actions left him feeling. This forgiveness led to time together before his dad’s unexpected passing away. Terrance speaks to how community has made a big difference for him along the way.

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Connect with Dr. Terrance Z. Johnson

Website:

https://iprogress.cc/

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LinkedIn: 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/terrence-johnson-dpc-lpc-s-bc-tmh-ncc-1b31b125/

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Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/iprogresscc

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Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/lifeexcavator

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Just super heart-filled, very compassionate, encouraging. Uh, we've had a great time talking here and so it is my pleasure to, uh, to have Terrence join me here. How are you doing today? My friend,

thanks for having me. I appreciate

it. Uh, it's my pleasure, man. We've had some laughs and just enjoying the conversation and I mean, you've got an awesome heart and uh, so, so appreciative of you joining me here, so thank you.

Okay. All right. So, uh, I'm Dr. Terrance Johnson. I'm co-founder and chief innovation officer of our iProgress, LLC. Uh, we're based in Jackson, Mississippi. I'm currently in Gallatin, Tennessee. Uh, my business partner is still in Jackson, but I'm close to Nashville.

That's what Galton needs. Cause you probably don't. You never heard of it. I never heard of it before I got here, but I, I enjoyed the area. Um, and basically what we do are more the life purpose side of our business. So I'm real passionate about people getting connected to what, not only what they want to do career wise, but what fulfills them and what that looks like for their life and my business partner, uh, which he'll probably be on I think next week and talking to you.

So it's not strictly private practice, mental health one-on-one counseling, but we often have workshops and courses we have, and we're trying to cultivate experiences because so many people they may not. You know, want or desire one-on-one counseling, but it's certain things, certain tools that are lacking that it might need.

It's not that they're bad or, you know, stuff is going on, but they have needs that are not being fulfilled and they might not be aware of their needs and how to get them fulfilled. And so that's what we try and focus on in iProgress.

Mean, you said like some people may not be interested in one-on-one and so you've got other alternatives.

It's not like events or what does that look like? You

offer. So eventually we'll get back to live. I'm really trying to get that rolling. I love to be in front of people. Uh, but right now, uh, I'm doing online workshops as well with my business partner. So I'm doing, I've been doing two series right now. One is dream killers.

And sometimes those are the things that really derail us. And if we don't know those, then we can't make more informed decisions. So, so yeah, so those are the two that I'm doing. And my business partner is doing convos with couples. And that's for like, just like you said, comp compensation with couples, and then he has one that's called no junk food conversation and it's kind of having better conversations around what you need to do with your life.

You know, now we're looking like a car with two flat tires on, you know, The passenger side and that's not going to get us where we want to go. You know, we might just do circles in the parking lot, a donut. Exactly. Um, so the fact that it's like you're delving into that stuff and then reveal it. Maybe these messages, your, you know, like you're, self-sabotaging, you're looking for things to validate your beliefs and bring it up.

I mean, that that's like throwing the parking brake on the car as well. So we're definitely not getting where we want to go, how we want to go. So let's jump over to the personal side. I know you said you're in Tennessee now, which is outside of Nashville. What is the personal side of life outside of that look like.

So, um, like I say, I've been, I had been a therapist for a number of years. I had taught edge. And I graduated got my doctor degree and I was faculty, uh, at Mississippi college. And so I was there for about four years teaching doctorate students. And that was my dream. I wanted to do that. I want to be faculty and, and get to that level.

I did what I needed to do there. But I wanted to help people that were like me. They had reached a certain point in their career. Maybe they were successful. Maybe they know, climbed the ladder and all that. And we're chasing the American Dream. And then you get to a point like I'm not happy, you know, or what else?

But I'm all about building people. I really, really am passionate about it. I gave my students or my supervisees. They, they will, I give people disclaimers. I look it don't tell me something you want to do if you're not ready because I'm the booster cave on whatever. So once you say we own, we own the road, so don't tell me if you not ready.

And I really felt that a lot of people were like me and I wanted to find those people. They had great things they wanted to do, but you know, maybe they didn't know how to do it, or they didn't have people around me encouraging them. Never the same, like, Hey, you can do it. I believe in, you know, let's see how you can get that started.

I wanted to do that. I want to help out, but I'm tired or my money. I just, I can't do that. And so I feel desk that's where that's my. And it gives my call now is to catch those people because if we really want to make a great impact, it doesn't really necessarily mean that I have to do it all, but I got to catch the people that want to do it and empower them to keep going forward.

And so, um, to go,

Well, for me, uh, one of the people that I, I did, I want to say idolize, I don't wanna say that word, but I really looked up to with my grandfather and he was everything I wanted to be. And, um, and it's been almost 10 years since he passed, but it was just his conviction about things that high he did and how he took care of like, not only my grandmother, but like his other siblings and people around the community, hide it in church.

I hung around the older people and I love to just listen. And I think that's one thing that people do too much of now everybody wants to talk and be important, but they don't want to listen to people that's been farther than they have. And so that's one then two, um, I guess with my work in starting off counseling kids and being in the house and talking to mothers and all of that, I saw.

You know how I saw the despair in a lot of household and how like they did digit popped in my head, but one of my students, his mom ended up contracting aids and he was in high school and he was on the football team and everything like that. And he stopped playing, you know, he was trying to be there for her.

And so I really do feel that. A lot of times, people don't have the tools to make those transitions during hard times and it changes their trajectory. Because I had a lot of things that happened in my life. You know, if I didn't have certain things in place, I could have went a totally different way, but I think that goes into the exposure part too.

And I think that's a piece that we don't talk about. Well, we'll say like, you know, pull yourself up from your bootstraps and all that kind of stuff. I mean, yeah, that's, that's fine. But if you don't know people in context of where they are or where they're from, They are not exposed to the same thing you exposed to.

So that's why I love teaching it. Wasn't about me getting in front of having people call me dog. Like I could kill it, but I felt that I had been there. People need. That I knew, and I could share that could better them and help them avoid the pitfalls and potholes that I hit their life. And that's how I view myself is everything that I learned, all my experiences they're valuable.

most stuff. I think as men, we, we don't communicate where the potholes are. You know, it's not a matter of having all of life figured out.

It's just being a little bit further ahead and going, Hey, watch out back there. There is a pothole, you know, go to the right, do this. And. I mean without that, I mean, it just leaves us in a, in a precarious spot, you know, just like you were talking about the, the young man that, you know, life happened and then it sets them on a different trajectory of if nobody's reaching out to him, he doesn't know how to course correct.

What, what developed that heart for you to be aware of this stuff, you know, to then be able to apply the wisdom like you've learned from your grandfather and from school and all that. So like what, what were like some of those more formative years, like

before. Yeah, well, like I said, I'm a, I was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, so I used to have my exit.

Uh, she had like the, the manuals and stuff and used to teach him out there at the park and he used to go get a Popsicle.

So that was the one that the, I remember early on then as I grew up, you know, my dad, um, I spent a lot of time around him that he. And he was a salesman. So he used to sell shoes. Uh, and one of the things we bonded on is music. So he used to play in the band. So he, you know, he went to jail. They both, my parents went to Jackson, state university.

But people all my life have come and talk to me, even when I was little, like adult would just come and talk to me and they want to just talk and say like, Hey, it would talk to me about they stuff. Okay. I don't know. But you telling me, so I guess you feel comfortable talk to me about it, but, um, I. Dad. I think me having the demeanor that I have is because I grew up around a lot of, and I'm an introvert too.

And then as stuff, when I'm with my mom and dad, we kind of, he was gone a lot. He wasn't in the house a lot. And that changed how I responded to him. And so I went from like, oh, you, my number one person to, I hate you. And I don't want you to come in. Like, I don't want you to talk to me and no one coming to my room.

And one of the things that I know is difficult for a lot of sons is they're waiting for their dad to make the first step, to give the olive branch. And it usually never happens. So you have the extend it out to them. And make them feel comfortable to try and start their conversation or communication again.

And I was in church and you're like, God, I was like, you need to call your dad. No, the union to immediate. I don't, I don't want, I don't want to do that. Oh, no, I don't want to call this man. Oh God. It was like the whole way back home. Cause it was about 20 minutes away. I was going back and forth. I'm like, I don't, I don't want to do this.

Like need to call you. You need to call it. I am going back and forth all the way to like Dell. I got back to my apartment and I got in there. I said, look, I said, if you want me to do this, I said, you're going to have to fix my mouth because I'm gonna want to say so, so you go, you had to fix it and you had to fix it up if you want me to do this.

Right. I felt this way when you did this, we met and in about 20 minutes and after I got finished, I said, okay, now you can talk. And he said, uh, he said, well, you know, I, I can't say I agree with everything I said, but I appreciate you coming to me as a man. You didn't disrespect me or whatever you like, but today, you know, I really see you as being the man.

I bought a house and he ended up having an aneurysm in the house while he was trying to fix it up. But the, you know, the blessing of it was where my house was. It was bad. Two miles away from the hospital. And so that saved his life. So me having that conversation when, just for that, it was for that moment.

And I didn't know that then, but, and so you never know. And that's why we forgive. And he, he reasonably passed this past November. And so that helped to mend a lot of that. So when he passed, I didn't have guilt. Like some people have where they, like, I wish I would have said this and like, know everything I wanted to say.

So I got 10 years back that I lost in that time. And so when he passed, that's what I told people. I was at peace with it because I had done everything I needed to do or, you know, I knew to do. And so I didn't have any guilt, uh, you know, what else? And that's one thing I think for a lot of men, if, if you still have your father and you get out of issue with.

So he was a manpower he do before. He was a day. If you look at them as a person. You can see them differently. That's what I had to do with my dad. I had to see him as a person and not just my dad, cause I've always looked at him as my dad. I've been mad all the time. Like, oh, you just didn't do this. You didn't do that.

I think that's the big part, man. Um, like I love the fact that the reconciliation occurred there because it's like, that's what we're hoping. I know with, with my dad and he has passed as well. Um, I went to him after I got to that point of forgiving him, you know, and just saying, okay, you know, I would, I would hope my kids would give, you know, forgive me for my shortcomings.

And it's like, well, if that's my expectation, Uh, I guess I need to extend that olive branch and I mean, it's, it's awkward, you know, you want things, but you want the justice. Right. But in forgiving him and then you're trying to go talk to him. He didn't want to change and it's not. It's not so much in the forgiveness.

well? Yeah. Yeah, because they, they opened me up to let go a lot of their anger that I used to have, but I was also. And I think that goes into like the imposter syndrome, I would feel like I had to be perfect because I had to be better than he was.

And so I'll put a whole lot more pressure on myself. And then once we kind of did this, like, well, you know, you're not going to be me, but also what I realized, the thing that we, you know, like, oh, I don't want to do this. And my day of I did, I don't want to, we still have it like. We are, uh, our fathers now, how we express that we can balance that out.

And you can totally look at that and then work on it. You know, because they've been hurt, they're hurt is going to continue to, to direct their, their actions, their thought, their speech. We want to break that. Then we need to do that introspection introspection in that growth. Like you're talking about we're in the place of control rather than letting that.

And so true because I mean, you think about it. Relationships address. Um, you know, over misunderstandings and all it takes is one person to come back to center and go, Hey, let's, let's talk this through, uh, you know, what your, what you've talked about and shared about going back to your dad. I mean, that's, that's awesome.

I love the fact of that and that, that sets a pattern around you as well, for people that are watching, going, Hey, I knew when he was mad at his dad and yeah, he was justified in it. I think that's the other thing with forgiveness and forgiveness. Doesn't say that, Hey, this was okay. What was done to you?

Um, you know, like what's the first step in preparing ourselves to go there

the first day. Your own personal awareness where you are. So for me, I was just doing the inventory about myself and I just noticed certain things about me, like emotionally or just, you know, patterns that I was having. I was like, well, where did this coming from?

Most people focus on what they want to, you know, get away from. But you also have also had to sacrifice some old, let some go to then make the shield. And so you're like, oh, I want to move. Okay. If you move, you don't have to let something go. I'm just going to have to be sacrificed or you won't be on this on new.

And so I think that's one thing. The other thing is recognizing that they weren't all bad, you know, and Dell was, uh, I believe that was the core of why I wanted to reach back out because. My dad was a cool guy. You know what I'm saying? Like we had fire and we would laugh and joke and all that kind of stuff.

And then. Oh, okay. Okay. Hold on. Let me, I gotta, I gotta forgive you again. Cause I'm mad now. Okay. Hold on. Let me go back. Let me come back. And so sometime their forgiveness is not a one-time deal. It might be every couple months they might have to come back and renew it. Uh, so the state, but, uh, that was one thing I knew at the core.

My dad was always proud of me and that's what anybody knew him. They knew he was proud of me. And I knew that too. And so. That's one thing that I could really, really appreciate, even with the bad times, and even with what I say, he will be in the hospital and I would be taking them and helping them with stuff and all that.

Like, but you know, but it gets for him, he just, it was a, it was a recognition, a recognition of like, Hey, I know I did some stuff in the past. And you still don't hold that against me. Uh, and, and you had to have that capacity to, you know, to love people, even when, you know, sometimes you might not like

most definitely. It's like, I don't like you and I don't like your actions, but let's work this out. Cause I do love you.

This is from my mom. And then how to address

that? Well, one thing was. I had to take better care of myself. So a lot of the things that I'm really passionate about helping other people do is things that I've had to do for myself. And I was the worst at taking care of myself. I tell people all the time, I'm a recovering people, pleaser.

That's not the case is people, people respect you more when you can set boundaries and you can be unavailable. And they know that you're going to be on a way like, oh, I know he got some stuff going on. Okay. He's going to get back to him. He might not answer my call the first time I called, but he going to get back to him.

Like she was trying to fix me or something was wrong with me. She was really trying to get me to see me at the core and me functioning at my highest level. And it, it, it was the first time while I was like, oh, this is why I'm wired the way I'm wired, because I, I didn't like that. At people, you know, like, oh, he's so nice.

Like I hated being like, I don't want to be nice. I want to be like everybody else. I won't be to be upset. And they're like, no. Uh, and then to. It was that, uh, I didn't enjoy confrontation, but I didn't enjoy confrontation because I grew up in a real toxic environment was a lot of back and forth. And so I didn't like all of that, but I learned how to do it in a way to feed me and I could be assertive and you don't have to be aggressive.

Let's not do that again, but will you still be cool? And, and I think that's what people do. They're like, I don't like you could you a bad person and all that kind of stuff, and that's not the way to really do it. So, yeah, it was just neat knowing work on myself and really seeing myself. In an honest place.

And it's a constantly, I'm a work in progress. I don't have it all together. I'm still trying to figure it out, but they didn't give me an excuse to just treat people any kind of way. Talk to people in any kind of way. I had to have a, have a healthy view of myself, you know, to see people. In their context and whatever from two, because we all operate, we just try and do the best we can with what we get.

We had just about life and family and like bettering ourselves and like how we wanted to make a difference in the community. Like Aldi would conversation that we had. All the time. And so you want to be around people that you can have those, um, meaningful conversation. A lot of people want to talk to you about what happened and, oh, did you see this on the news or look at this mean and all that kind of stuff, but you want some people around you just like, how you doing?

Or, you know, how can I help you, you know, move forward or what you need. You need some good people around you in order to kind of move. Yeah,

Hey, Mike, I'm seeing, you know, that you're, you're being rough on your wife. Like, are you seeing this? No, you know, I could come back flippantly like that wasn't anything she didn't deserve, you know, but that's coming from a place of hurt. And so I'm looking to validate it, but if I don't have people, you know, like we said, like you, you know, other people in my community around me that are willing to call me out in love, not just to.

Not just to call me out, you know, out of spite or anger, frustration, anything like that, but to firmly and respectfully call me out, you know, I don't, I don't have visibility into my blind spots, so yeah. I love that. You're talking about that. So that's super crucial. How, how have you gone about building that kind of community around you?

It will. It took a while because for me, And like I said, because for so long being a people pleaser, I always looking at how could I help other people, but I, I hesitated on asking for help.

So some of that was just me being vulnerable and just saying like, Hey, I might need your help on this. Or, Hey, this was really going on with me because most of the stuff I've been talking about it may have been the last few years that a lot of my best friends even knew. Even though they had been around me for years.

Just like me seeing what my day I'm uncomfortable with that store. If I wouldn't call it the blow with shared, but I noticed part of a lot of people journey, but that's where it started. But then I also started to look outside of. Normally environment and went intentionally seeking out other people that may not be in my field may not be in my area.

You go on there and they give you like 10 suggestions every day. And just say like, if you would like to connect with somebody like this person to give you a PR profile and just click yes or no, you can do it on your phone, online on your computer. And then they'll maybe have 10 people that you might know you may or may not know.

And just like, Hey, do you know this person? You say yes, I know what it does. Do you use AI to create a profile of people that you would connect with? So you did pick a time, you say like, okay, tomorrow at 12, uh, I have availability to meet somebody where they do take your, you know, response. And then they send your email probably, you know, today said, I, Hey, my, you can even with task tomorrow, uh, this is LinkedIn or whatever, you can just introduce yourself and just say, you look forward to meeting.

Some people that do something totally different. And so I think. You can find your community in spaces in place that you may not be accustomed to, but if you open yourself up to it, you can meet some amazing.

Yeah, totally agree. I mean, it's one of just putting yourself out there. You got to show up to find people it's a novel concept, but you know, it's all true.

Um, so my friend, thank you for doing the work that you're doing. Um, how can people, you know, connect with you outside of the podcast? What's the best one?

Uh, okay. So they can connect with me. I'm usually on LinkedIn all the time. So if they're only, then they can find me there. Uh, so I do a lot of things on there.

So if you like to read certain things, I have a whole article about me and my dad. I wrote not too long at the pay is so, uh, you want to read it that's on there. And this is a lot of other things about. No, my store is about, you know, life in life, purpose and have my connect to you. And so I have that as well as, um, I said they can connect with the.

I don't know if I sent you my link tree, but I can send it. And it has been linked to that, but the, the I'm doing workshops now I'll be doing two more on the 23rd. That'd be not this Saturday because it's Easter weekend. Those the next Saturday. So I'll be doing one and nine. And one at 11 at both central standard time, but you can sign up directly from that link and I'll be doing dream killers.

So we had a really great conversation, as well as, uh, if you interested in the course path, the purpose is of course, This self-directed that you can take it's in mighty networks. Um, and you can go through it as five modules is crossroads, which we find ourself at a lot and we had to make a decision. Then dream killers is in that, but it pertains more to what you want to do.

And, uh, it keeps you inspired, but also people that hold you accountable and finding people that tell you now what you want to hear, what you need to hear at times. And sometimes you might not want to talk to them for a couple of days after they say certain things, but it's all, it's all out of love. And once you calm down and like you right away, did you tell, we did about,

And the thing is it's like, just because you told me now it's in my court, you know, it's my responsibility to take action on that. So, yeah. Well, Terrence, thank you very much, my friend, I appreciate you joining me and sharing everything you have today. Thank you.

Thank you, Mike. I appreciate it.