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The False Hydra & Larry the Kung Fu Kraken
Episode 421st March 2022 • Making a Monster • Lucas Zellers
00:00:00 00:34:02

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The best game-breaking exploits in D&D. This week: the false hydra, the most terrifying homebrew monster ever made; and the Kung Fu Kraken, an ancient titan of the deep somehow less effective than a straw dummy.

Read the transcript and get more from the show:

https://scintilla.studio/monster-false-hydra-kung-fu-kraken/

Get stat blocks, bonus content, and other monstrous perks: www.patreon.com/scintillastudio

Join the conversation: www.twitter.com/SparkOtter

Meet my guests:

Jeremy Vine: www.twitter.com/talumin

Jarrod Jahoda, Mid-Level Adventurers: www.twitter.com/midlvladventure

Danilo Vujevic, Thinking Critically: https://www.thinkingcritically.co.uk/

Rebecca Gray and Steven Myers, Eberron: A Chronicle of Echoes: https://www.sivisechoerstation.com/

Music by Jason Shaw at Audionautix.com

Transcripts

Steve Myers:

wish Lucas had never

Steve Myers:

shared this with me because now

Steve Myers:

I can't be surprised with it.

Steve Myers:

And it's so sad.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I believe in the

Jarrod Jahoda:

poetry of a nat one, just as much as

Jarrod Jahoda:

I believe in the artistry of a Nat 20.

Rebecca Gray:

you guys are doing

Rebecca Gray:

specific monsters from older.

Steve Myers:

It's not

Steve Myers:

specific monsters cheats.

Steve Myers:

It is different cheeses,

Rebecca Gray:

Cheeses!

Rebecca Gray:

We're cheesing things I don't

Rebecca Gray:

know if that's what you call it.

Lucas:

uh it's going to be what I

Lucas:

call it now, because it's way better.

Lucas:

Because a lot of the ways in

Lucas:

which the game has created its own

Lucas:

lore, its own D&D cryptids started

Lucas:

back in third edition and 3.5.

Lucas:

and Fifth edition stands at the top of

Lucas:

this teetering tower of nonsense that is

Lucas:

50 years old and has given rise to a huge

Lucas:

variety of things that are just in the

Lucas:

game now and have names and wander about

Lucas:

the world of D&D in the same way that

Lucas:

wandering monsters roam around dungeons.

Lucas:

So

Rebecca Gray:

peasant rail gun,

Danilo Vujevic:

something

Danilo Vujevic:

like the quantum ogre,

Jeremy Vine:

I loathe

Jeremy Vine:

the arrow of destruction,

Lucas:

the False Hydra,

Jarrod Jahoda:

a wireless troll,

Steve Myers:

Larry the Kung Fu Kraken.

Steve Myers:

I hate this one, so, so much.

Lucas:

Welcome to Making a Monster,

Lucas:

the bite-sized podcast where we look

Lucas:

at the monsters in Dungeons and dragons

Lucas:

and other tabletop RPGs and discover

Lucas:

how they work, why they work and

Lucas:

what they mean for these episodes.

Lucas:

I've assembled a crack team of

Lucas:

D and D podcasters from all over

Lucas:

the world to track down monsters,

Lucas:

born of the system itself.

Jeremy Vine:

I'm Jeremy Vine, I'm

Jeremy Vine:

a professional dungeon master.

Jarrod Jahoda:

My name is Jarrod Jahoda,

Jarrod Jahoda:

and you can find me on any podcast

Jarrod Jahoda:

platform under Mid-level Adventurers.

Danilo Vujevic:

I'm Danilo, the

Danilo Vujevic:

host/producer/editor of Thinking

Danilo Vujevic:

Critically, a D&D discussion podcast

Rebecca Gray:

Hello, I'm Rebecca

Steve Myers:

and I'm Steven.

Rebecca Gray:

And we are from A

Rebecca Gray:

House Sivis Broadcasting Eberron

Rebecca Gray:

A Chronicle of Echoes podcast.

Lucas:

So let's talk cheese!

Lucas:

uh,

Lucas:

This next monster isn't so much

Lucas:

an exploit as, as a homebrew, but

Lucas:

it's on the list because of how

Lucas:

resilient this idea has become.

Lucas:

Near as I can tell, this idea first

Lucas:

appeared, in September of 2014.

Lucas:

And somehow in that seven years, it

Lucas:

has accomplished, I think maybe the

Lucas:

same amount of mythologizing as some of

Lucas:

the things like the peasant rail gun.

Lucas:

this is the false Hydra.

Lucas:

This is one of those instances in

Lucas:

which I w kind of wish I was making

Lucas:

a video podcast, because when I

Lucas:

say that everyone's face changes

Lucas:

and it's never been the same twice.

Lucas:

If you've heard of this, where was

Lucas:

the first time you heard about it?

Danilo Vujevic:

This is again

Danilo Vujevic:

lucky for you because this

Danilo Vujevic:

is a very pertinent in that.

Danilo Vujevic:

Um, I, someone who I used to DM

Danilo Vujevic:

for a little, little short campaign

Danilo Vujevic:

that a while ago, they, recently,

Danilo Vujevic:

Hey, can I get your advice?

Danilo Vujevic:

I'm thinking of running this and it

Danilo Vujevic:

happened to be a false hydra and, and

Danilo Vujevic:

we're talking like three months ago.

Danilo Vujevic:

They messaged me this.

Danilo Vujevic:

I saw the mentioned false hydra and

Danilo Vujevic:

immediately I thought, oh, cool.

Danilo Vujevic:

Is that going to be like a

Danilo Vujevic:

water dwelling snake thing, but

Danilo Vujevic:

maybe it only has like two heads,

Danilo Vujevic:

which is why it's a false hydra.

Danilo Vujevic:

I could not have been more

Danilo Vujevic:

incredibly wrong in that

Danilo Vujevic:

interpretation of that definition.

Lucas:

And I think,

Steve Myers:

looks awful.

Steve Myers:

It looks so awful.

Lucas:

yeah, Arnold has chosen

Lucas:

a variety of horrifying images

Lucas:

from around the internet.

Lucas:

Some of them, I think are

Lucas:

involved in an old, creepy pasta

Lucas:

about a Zelda game cartridge.

Lucas:

Um,

Rebecca Gray:

no, that is a monster

from Legend of Zelda:

Ocarina of Time.

Lucas:

oh, okay.

Rebecca Gray:

You fight it twice, once it

Rebecca Gray:

as an adult, once as a kid, I think, but

Steve Myers:

Yeah.

Steve Myers:

Yeah, man, I, I played Ocarina of Time

Steve Myers:

and I don't remember it's in the ballroom.

Rebecca Gray:

It's a creature.

Rebecca Gray:

You fight in the bottom

Rebecca Gray:

of the, well, I'm sorry.

Rebecca Gray:

I know that game backwards and forwards.

Jeremy Vine:

I've encountered the blog.

Jeremy Vine:

Well, actually a separate blog post

Jeremy Vine:

before about the idea of a false hydra,

Jeremy Vine:

because my interpretation of the false

Jeremy Vine:

hydra is that it kind of takes, your

Jeremy Vine:

recollection of the hydra itself, that

Jeremy Vine:

when you are devoured by this hydra,

Jeremy Vine:

your, the memory of you is erased

Jeremy Vine:

from reality, that to everyone who

Jeremy Vine:

knew you, you just no longer exist.

Danilo Vujevic:

And so I read it

Danilo Vujevic:

all and so clearly you were very on

Danilo Vujevic:

the money because it is still very

Danilo Vujevic:

much in vogue and people are still

Danilo Vujevic:

very much trying to incorporate it.

Danilo Vujevic:

Broadly it is this creature that

Danilo Vujevic:

calls upon a number of tropes that

Danilo Vujevic:

we've seen in many popular culture.

Danilo Vujevic:

I think that The Silence in Doctor

Danilo Vujevic:

Who being a very obvious correlation

Danilo Vujevic:

where it fandangles with people's

Danilo Vujevic:

memory, essentially, Um, perception

Danilo Vujevic:

of reality so that it is this all

Danilo Vujevic:

pervasive, clearly not benign creature.

Danilo Vujevic:

This is not benign force that manipulates

Danilo Vujevic:

people's memories and perception of

Danilo Vujevic:

reality so that they never notice it.

Danilo Vujevic:

They never see it's there, or

Danilo Vujevic:

the effects that it has on their

Danilo Vujevic:

world, such as killing people.

Danilo Vujevic:

They will cease to remember those

Danilo Vujevic:

people and go on as, as normal as to

Danilo Vujevic:

secure its safety and, and to growth.

Steve Myers:

The false hydra always

Steve Myers:

felt like the silence from Doctor

Steve Myers:

Who is that was what the premise was.

Steve Myers:

It's something you look and

Steve Myers:

you acknowledge is there, and

Steve Myers:

then you can roll to forget it.

Steve Myers:

And that is absolutely horrifying

Steve Myers:

that you could know this thing

Steve Myers:

is there outside of character and

Steve Myers:

be able to do nothing with that.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Yeah, it was a

Jarrod Jahoda:

mental mind shenanigan crazy thing.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Like it was like, whoa,

Jarrod Jahoda:

this is blowing your mind.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And I don't know which came first chicken

Jarrod Jahoda:

or the egg, because I just don't know.

Lucas:

Uh, first appearance,

:

The Impossible Astronaut.

Jarrod Jahoda:

ah, so maybe then it

Jarrod Jahoda:

was inspired by, or maybe they just

Jarrod Jahoda:

came up with the idea separately, but

Lucas:

Yeah.

Lucas:

Sort of case of convergent evolution.

Jarrod Jahoda:

which it's just a great

Jarrod Jahoda:

idea, having this monster that is

Jarrod Jahoda:

really more about the psychological

Jarrod Jahoda:

terror of it than anything else.

Jarrod Jahoda:

It's subconscious fear.

Jarrod Jahoda:

It is that like it's almost horror esque

Jarrod Jahoda:

really as opposed to like a fantasy.

Steve Myers:

And it just slowly

Steve Myers:

takes over a town by just

Steve Myers:

removing people one by one by one.

Steve Myers:

And it's, is such a horrifying idea.

Steve Myers:

And it's not often that you get to

Steve Myers:

see "DM cheese" where they get to

Steve Myers:

fudge the rules and make things a

Steve Myers:

little more exciting and fun for them.

Steve Myers:

And it's disturbing and upsetting.

Steve Myers:

And I, I can't get enough of it.

Steve Myers:

I cannot get enough of it.

Steve Myers:

I just want to play, I mean, I

Steve Myers:

don't want to play in a game with

Steve Myers:

it because if I play in a game

Steve Myers:

with it now, I'll know what's there

Steve Myers:

and it takes away all the fun.

Steve Myers:

wish Lucas had never shared this with me

Steve Myers:

because now I can't be surprised with it.

Steve Myers:

And it's so sad.

Lucas:

I've heard that this

Lucas:

is one of those things that is

Lucas:

extremely difficult to pull off.

Lucas:

If you had to run a false hydra,

Lucas:

do you think you'd try and do it?

Lucas:

And if so, how would you set this up?

Jarrod Jahoda:

Well, if any of

Jarrod Jahoda:

my players are listening, no, I

Jarrod Jahoda:

would never try to do that ever.

Jarrod Jahoda:

But if I was going to try to

Jarrod Jahoda:

do it, they wouldn't know.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Uh, no, I, I would probably take,

Jarrod Jahoda:

I probably wouldn't do the whole,

Jarrod Jahoda:

like it rose out of the ground

Jarrod Jahoda:

through grubs and whatever.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I would probably be a

Jarrod Jahoda:

little more wacky with it.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Cause I kinda like that still dangerous

Jarrod Jahoda:

and crazy, but a little more wacky.

Jarrod Jahoda:

So I would have, I think, a, a, a town

Jarrod Jahoda:

where people are happy all the time.

Jarrod Jahoda:

There's no like existential dread and

Jarrod Jahoda:

there's always new housing opening up.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Um, so they're always like, Hey, we just

Jarrod Jahoda:

have this new house that just opened up

Jarrod Jahoda:

over here, like you should check that out.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And so they constantly are

Jarrod Jahoda:

getting new people in the

Jarrod Jahoda:

town because it's a paradise.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Nobody ever has any problems,

Jarrod Jahoda:

which automatically in my

Jarrod Jahoda:

book makes it suspicious

Lucas:

Oh, yeah.

Jarrod Jahoda:

there's no problems

Jarrod Jahoda:

because any like bandits or anything

Jarrod Jahoda:

that come along immediately succumb to

Jarrod Jahoda:

the hydra, because the hydra keeps like

Jarrod Jahoda:

a core number of town, people around

Jarrod Jahoda:

to lure in new people at all times.

Jarrod Jahoda:

So I would put it more in like a

Jarrod Jahoda:

opportunistic parasite, as opposed to just

Jarrod Jahoda:

like, oh, I'm going to eat everything.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Um, because like it is doing some

Jarrod Jahoda:

good it's taking out baddies and

Jarrod Jahoda:

protecting these core people,

Jarrod Jahoda:

but everyone else is just food.

Lucas:

Wow.

Lucas:

Yeah.

Lucas:

I love that.

Lucas:

Cause that's, it's not, then it's not

Lucas:

quite cut and dried as a, it's only a

Jarrod Jahoda:

I love moral

Jarrod Jahoda:

ambiguity in my games.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I'm all about it.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I always give my bad guy a good

Jarrod Jahoda:

reason for being a bad guy.

Jeremy Vine:

So I've never

Jeremy Vine:

encountered this before.

Jeremy Vine:

I feel that this is something that

Jeremy Vine:

is incredibly difficult to achieve

Jeremy Vine:

as a dungeon master, to have that

Jeremy Vine:

level of knowledge of like that

Jeremy Vine:

level of planning as well of, yes,

Jeremy Vine:

these people no longer exist and If

Jeremy Vine:

a character is taken by, it's like,

Jeremy Vine:

well, how do you, how do you do that?

Jeremy Vine:

It's that, complete buy-in of

Jeremy Vine:

the world that is very difficult

Jeremy Vine:

to achieve in my opinion.

Jeremy Vine:

I love the idea around it now.

Jeremy Vine:

I'm not sure if this is the blog post

Jeremy Vine:

that you sent, the way I encountered

Jeremy Vine:

it was a, somebody was saying that they

Jeremy Vine:

decided to use the false hydra in a game.

Jeremy Vine:

And that they just had the party sitting

Jeremy Vine:

around and notice some bloodstains and

Jeremy Vine:

there's like, that's weird, but all right.

Jeremy Vine:

And eventually they found the

Jeremy Vine:

false hydra and they killed them.

Jeremy Vine:

And, um, they went back to town and

Jeremy Vine:

were given a portrait that had been

Jeremy Vine:

painted by, um, like an actual portrait.

Jeremy Vine:

And it actually had a character, a

Jeremy Vine:

member of the party who they'd never met.

Jeremy Vine:

And the idea was that at some point,

Jeremy Vine:

this character had gone on watch

Jeremy Vine:

and being, and by the hydra and the

Jeremy Vine:

fact that the character had never

Jeremy Vine:

had a play I'd never existed at all.

Jeremy Vine:

They just completely sign it

Jeremy Vine:

in that you've lost these party

Jeremy Vine:

member that you now never remember.

Lucas:

That's amazing.

Jeremy Vine:

that's, that's how

Jeremy Vine:

I encountered the false Hydra.

Jeremy Vine:

I just thought this is genius.

Jeremy Vine:

If you can pull that off, your

Jeremy Vine:

players will remember that forever.

Jeremy Vine:

Absolutely.

Jeremy Vine:

And the certainly the blog

Jeremy Vine:

post I've, um, that I've seen

Jeremy Vine:

overall is like this horror.

Jeremy Vine:

It's designing a horror creature.

Jeremy Vine:

Um, that idea that once it

Jeremy Vine:

kills you, no one remembers you.

Jeremy Vine:

It's like, that's something that just

Jeremy Vine:

takes a little bit of a trigger in my mind

Jeremy Vine:

has got no, I didn't like that at all.

Jeremy Vine:

That's a squeak that, that terrifies me.

Lucas:

Do you think you could pull it off?

Lucas:

Like running a false

Lucas:

hydra for your players?

Danilo Vujevic:

I guess

Danilo Vujevic:

the different, okay.

Danilo Vujevic:

The definition of whether I could pull it

Danilo Vujevic:

off or not, I would leave to my players.

Lucas:

enough.

Danilo Vujevic:

um, I would say, I would

Danilo Vujevic:

like to think so if, only for the fact

Danilo Vujevic:

of I would overplan and make sure and

Danilo Vujevic:

spend all way too long on things that

Danilo Vujevic:

won't get used or won't even get to see

Danilo Vujevic:

the light of day so that it would just

Danilo Vujevic:

be in a complete fail, safe system,

Danilo Vujevic:

ecology, where they do, they'd always be

Danilo Vujevic:

something exciting to do, but there's the

Danilo Vujevic:

fact of the matter is basically no one,

Danilo Vujevic:

including myself, has that freedom has

Danilo Vujevic:

that length of time available to them to

Danilo Vujevic:

really make it like maybe I'm completely

Danilo Vujevic:

a naysayer and pessimistic is clearly

Danilo Vujevic:

it's, it's popular and people do it.

Lucas:

Well, I think you're right in

Lucas:

that it works a lot better on paper

Lucas:

than it does in practice because

Lucas:

of the people I've asked about this

Lucas:

most have not been confident that,

Lucas:

uh, they would want to make the

Lucas:

attempt or that they could provide a

Lucas:

satisfying experience if they did, or

Lucas:

that it would be worth it in the end,

Lucas:

because there's so much going on here.

Lucas:

It's a loaded question,

Lucas:

"could you do this?"

Lucas:

which is kind of why I ask it.

Danilo Vujevic:

Yeah, I mean,

Danilo Vujevic:

I would agree with them.

Danilo Vujevic:

I hate being like, "with experience"

Danilo Vujevic:

or "with, with knowledge," but I

Danilo Vujevic:

can't, I've done this podcast for

Danilo Vujevic:

however many years and not picked up.

Danilo Vujevic:

Some peripheral peripheral experience.

Danilo Vujevic:

So absolutely this and many

Danilo Vujevic:

other things, I'm sure.

Danilo Vujevic:

Go seem rad on a first glance to,

Danilo Vujevic:

to maybe a less experienced DM.

Danilo Vujevic:

Now but I'm just perhaps more

Danilo Vujevic:

cognizant of various pitfalls

Danilo Vujevic:

having fallen in then myself.

Danilo Vujevic:

So yeah, it's less experienced DM

Danilo Vujevic:

seeing something like the false hydra

Danilo Vujevic:

and that's, oh, that'll be really cool.

Danilo Vujevic:

That'd be really atmospheric.

Danilo Vujevic:

And I can have the bomb and have

Danilo Vujevic:

a picture of his family behind

Danilo Vujevic:

the bar, but he doesn't know

Danilo Vujevic:

who the woman or the child are.

Danilo Vujevic:

He just thinks it's a selfie.

Danilo Vujevic:

And then that the players asked

Danilo Vujevic:

the question, like what happened

Danilo Vujevic:

to the woman and the child and

Danilo Vujevic:

the photo when he goes around the

Danilo Vujevic:

woman and the child in the photo.

Danilo Vujevic:

That'd be fun and exciting.

Danilo Vujevic:

Yeah, sure.

Danilo Vujevic:

That is.

Danilo Vujevic:

But then, but then what,

Danilo Vujevic:

you know, w w how, how do we

Danilo Vujevic:

really get something out of.

Danilo Vujevic:

And, and you kind of do that.

Danilo Vujevic:

As I said, a couple of times before the

Danilo Vujevic:

players go, everyone here is crazy and

Danilo Vujevic:

that's, that's it, that's the story.

Danilo Vujevic:

And we move on how this weird town

Danilo Vujevic:

full of the people who don't know,

Danilo Vujevic:

who can't understand what a photo is.

Danilo Vujevic:

And then everybody gets frustrated,

Danilo Vujevic:

which is the worst case.

Danilo Vujevic:

That's like, that's the fail state.

Danilo Vujevic:

The fail state is everybody

Danilo Vujevic:

including the DM is just like,

Danilo Vujevic:

we don't know what's going on.

Danilo Vujevic:

I don't know how to make other

Danilo Vujevic:

people know what's going on there.

Lucas:

yeah.

Lucas:

Yeah, because running a mystery in

Lucas:

D&D is very difficult, running a

Lucas:

mystery where the solution to the

Lucas:

mystery is actively erasing the clues.

Lucas:

Uh, Also really difficult.

Danilo Vujevic:

Yep.

Lucas:

There's miles of depth on this

Danilo Vujevic:

Yeah.

Danilo Vujevic:

Yeah, for sure.

Danilo Vujevic:

For sure.

Danilo Vujevic:

Um, you, you just you'd need to be.

Danilo Vujevic:

novelist to, to, to like in a sense,

Danilo Vujevic:

because it has to be a lot of, it has

Danilo Vujevic:

to be scripted to a certain extent.

Danilo Vujevic:

You're, you're almost pushing

Danilo Vujevic:

that point of more scripted

Danilo Vujevic:

gameplay rather than freeform.

Steve Myers:

I like the idea behind it and

Steve Myers:

it would be really fun to do a one-shot

Steve Myers:

involving it, but I can't imagine.

Steve Myers:

Th just the mental logistics

Steve Myers:

that go into thinking like, wow,

Steve Myers:

okay, now there's a monster.

Steve Myers:

You have to fight that you don't know.

Steve Myers:

Is there, what do you do?

Steve Myers:

What, what do you even

Steve Myers:

do in that scenario?

Rebecca Gray:

Yeah.

Rebecca Gray:

Cause, cause you're asking for

Rebecca Gray:

a lot from your players, not

Rebecca Gray:

to metagame if you're using it.

Steve Myers:

Oh no.

Steve Myers:

I mean metagame at that point in

Steve Myers:

time please, because the only way

Steve Myers:

you're going to get out of that

Steve Myers:

is by thinking outside of the box.

Steve Myers:

Cause everything's straightforward.

Steve Myers:

You would have assumed has

Steve Myers:

been tried time And time again.

Steve Myers:

You have to have to

Steve Myers:

come up with something.

Steve Myers:

I mean, oh God, no, no.

Steve Myers:

And

Rebecca Gray:

I don't,

Steve Myers:

I don't like it.

Steve Myers:

I don't have a lot to say on it.

Lucas:

so much of what's happening

Lucas:

in the game is being influenced

Lucas:

by what's happening at the table.

Lucas:

And to that point, there's, there's some

Lucas:

of this cheese that's influenced by what's

Lucas:

happening within the game system itself.

Lucas:

Which leads me to Larry,

Lucas:

the Kung Fu Kraken.

Steve Myers:

Oh man.

Steve Myers:

Larry, the Kung Fu Kraken.

Steve Myers:

I hate this one, so, so much.

Lucas:

Uh,

Steve Myers:

makes sense, but hate it.

Steve Myers:

I hate it so much.

Lucas:

yeah.

Lucas:

So this relies on a discussion of

Lucas:

fumble mechanics or, or critical fails.

Rebecca Gray:

so with five E I mean,

Rebecca Gray:

there's not a lot of credit fail rules.

Rebecca Gray:

A lot of that's going to be on the DM.

Rebecca Gray:

You critically fail and I

Rebecca Gray:

mean, you miss real bad.

Rebecca Gray:

There might be a few suggestions in the

Rebecca Gray:

DM's Guide, but for the most part nothing

Rebecca Gray:

really bad happens if you critically

Rebecca Gray:

fail on a hit or a skill check or

Rebecca Gray:

anything like that, but with Pathfinder

Steve Myers:

And 3.5.

Rebecca Gray:

In 3.5, there were

Rebecca Gray:

very hard rules as to what could

Rebecca Gray:

happen when you critically fail.

Rebecca Gray:

And so think I'm gonna just

Rebecca Gray:

come to the through line here.

Rebecca Gray:

I think that it, it goes back to the

Rebecca Gray:

adversarial aspects of 3.5 and Pathfinder

Rebecca Gray:

in particular because you want to be

Rebecca Gray:

able to punish your players occasionally

Rebecca Gray:

and you don't really get to do that.

Rebecca Gray:

And by having them roll a one, you're

Rebecca Gray:

saying, well, now you've messed up

Rebecca Gray:

and I get to do something to you.

Lucas:

Yeah.

Lucas:

Monster of the Week calls

Lucas:

it "taking a hard move."

Steve Myers:

Yeah.

Steve Myers:

I think that five E has made a good

Steve Myers:

decision getting away from that.

Steve Myers:

I think that you can fail and

Steve Myers:

still have bad things happen.

Steve Myers:

And I think taking a hard move is

Steve Myers:

a way that it can be done without

Steve Myers:

it being as punishing as it was.

Steve Myers:

even like the cards for Pathfinder,

Steve Myers:

they have the crit fail cards.

Steve Myers:

I don't know if those were

Steve Myers:

official or they were official.

Steve Myers:

Yeah.

Steve Myers:

uh,

Lucas:

what's on a crit fail card?

Steve Myers:

So we had the critical

Steve Myers:

success cards, which were always

Steve Myers:

like, oh, you're doing so good.

Steve Myers:

And then crit fails like, oh, okay.

Steve Myers:

You you've dropped her weapon

Steve Myers:

and you've cut off your toe.

Steve Myers:

And now you're going to have problems

Steve Myers:

with balance for the rest of the game.

Steve Myers:

Yeah.

Rebecca Gray:

Or you accidentally

Rebecca Gray:

kicked up some dust and you're

Rebecca Gray:

blinded for the next minute.

Rebecca Gray:

Some of them got like bad enough that

Rebecca Gray:

it was like you fall on your sword.

Steve Myers:

Yeah, so,

Rebecca Gray:

you are now dying.

Jeremy Vine:

And that's kind of

Jeremy Vine:

what the critical fail was that

Jeremy Vine:

sometimes when you roll the one,

Jeremy Vine:

you would have a separate table.

Jeremy Vine:

Something bad even was,

Jeremy Vine:

has happened to you.

Jeremy Vine:

And you'd have to roll on that.

Jeremy Vine:

And it might be you just drop your weapon.

Jeremy Vine:

It might be that you attack

Jeremy Vine:

your ally next to you.

Jeremy Vine:

Instead, it might be

Jeremy Vine:

that you stab yourself.

Jeremy Vine:

It might, there's a whole range

Jeremy Vine:

of things that would could occur.

Steve Myers:

Back in the day.

Steve Myers:

Like one, you rolled a one.

Steve Myers:

And so for, for twenties,

Steve Myers:

you, you had to roll a D 20.

Steve Myers:

And if you got a 20, you had to roll

Steve Myers:

a confirm and you had to beat the AC.

Steve Myers:

Now, if you rolled a second 20,

Steve Myers:

so two twenties in a row we would

Steve Myers:

go into like, oh man, you're doing

Steve Myers:

exceedingly well, try it again.

Steve Myers:

You get three twenties in a

Steve Myers:

row, you insta-kill something.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Once I actually

Jarrod Jahoda:

got three twenties in a row,

Jarrod Jahoda:

so I insta-killed something.

Lucas:

Oh my gosh.

Jarrod Jahoda:

was, I don't even know

Jarrod Jahoda:

what the odds were, but it was crazy.

Jarrod Jahoda:

One in like 1600 chance I

Jarrod Jahoda:

had, something like that.

Lucas:

we can live in

Lucas:

that moment if you want.

Lucas:

You can tell me that story.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I mean, it was crazy.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I was playing a ranger and I was

Jarrod Jahoda:

having a hard go at it because

Jarrod Jahoda:

it was this monster creature.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And I didn't ha I think it was a plant

Jarrod Jahoda:

and I didn't have any magical weapons.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And it was like resistant

Jarrod Jahoda:

to all my attacks.

Jarrod Jahoda:

But then I just happened to roll three 20.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I rolled the 20 and he was

Jarrod Jahoda:

like, okay, confirm it.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And I was like, okay.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I, I got the crit and I

Jarrod Jahoda:

was like, just go for it.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And I roll the third 20, couldn't

Jarrod Jahoda:

believe it, and somehow with my non

Jarrod Jahoda:

magical attacks, I killed a thing that

Jarrod Jahoda:

was resistant to non-magical damage

Jarrod Jahoda:

because I wrote three twenties in a row.

Jarrod Jahoda:

The odds were insane.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Somehow I did it.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And after the game he realized that

Jarrod Jahoda:

well, plant creatures are actually

Jarrod Jahoda:

immune to critical hits, but I

Jarrod Jahoda:

was like, don't rob this from me!

Lucas:

This happened!

Lucas:

Man, three and a half was wild.

Jarrod Jahoda:

yeah.

Lucas:

what was even going on back then?

Jarrod Jahoda:

Yeah.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I didn't have a single

Jarrod Jahoda:

character that lasted more

Jarrod Jahoda:

than like five sessions in 3.5.

Lucas:

Wow.

Lucas:

I've had one character last three years.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I am amazed

Jarrod Jahoda:

and awed by your skill.

Lucas:

It has nothing to do with it.

Lucas:

I think it's more five E's fault, this

Lucas:

actually kind of brings me back around.

Lucas:

Cause one of the things that people have

Lucas:

told me about older editions is that there

Lucas:

was a much more adversarial relationship

Lucas:

between the DM and the players.

Lucas:

Like you, like this world is going to kill

Lucas:

you and I'm the guy who's going to do it.

Lucas:

And it's your job to

Lucas:

figure out how to survive.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Yes.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Very much.

Jarrod Jahoda:

So those first, I mean, those

Jarrod Jahoda:

first sessions until that character

Jarrod Jahoda:

died and my three edition game,

Jarrod Jahoda:

it was always like, everything

Jarrod Jahoda:

was trying to kill our characters.

Jarrod Jahoda:

It wasn't about like building

Jarrod Jahoda:

up as heroic adventure journey.

Jarrod Jahoda:

It was about how can I kill you?

Lucas:

Hm.

Jarrod Jahoda:

My 3.5 adventures were

Jarrod Jahoda:

similar, but less so that I think that's

Jarrod Jahoda:

just because the DM was a nicer human.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And certainly in fourth edition when

Jarrod Jahoda:

I started DM-ing and I was really

Jarrod Jahoda:

bad at it, I took that mindset

Jarrod Jahoda:

because that's the only one I knew.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And then I was talking to him and I was

Jarrod Jahoda:

like, I'm not having this fun this way.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I'm just going to make it be

Jarrod Jahoda:

more of like, I'm a neutral party

Jarrod Jahoda:

and you'll have to fight things.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And if you die, you die and I'm

Jarrod Jahoda:

not going to get involved in it.

Lucas:

Yeah.

Lucas:

Yeah.

Lucas:

It was but let me circle back to

Lucas:

critical success or critical fails.

Lucas:

What is the thought experiment

Lucas:

of the Kung Fu Kraken?

Jarrod Jahoda:

So it's this idea that a

Jarrod Jahoda:

kraken who is trained in martial arts can

Jarrod Jahoda:

attack essentially 18 times on a term.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Right.

Jarrod Jahoda:

means

Lucas:

We're counting what eight we're

Lucas:

counting eight limbs and then a few extra.

Jarrod Jahoda:

yeah, so like it's

Jarrod Jahoda:

like eight limbs and multi attack.

Jarrod Jahoda:

So that's two attacks per limb.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And I think there's a, I forget

Jarrod Jahoda:

what they were called, but they were

Jarrod Jahoda:

equivalent of bonus action "flurry

Jarrod Jahoda:

of blows" attack kind of deal.

Jeremy Vine:

There's a

Jeremy Vine:

whole range of things.

Jeremy Vine:

It could have tentacles, it could have

Jeremy Vine:

massive teeth, it could have pseudopods,

Jeremy Vine:

but he gets a lot of attacks is the point.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Yeah, a

Jarrod Jahoda:

lot of attacks in a turn.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And statistically, if you roll a D

Jarrod Jahoda:

20 that many times, there's a certain

Jarrod Jahoda:

number of times that's going to come up

Jarrod Jahoda:

as a one, which is a critical failure.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Your increased likelihood therefore means

Jarrod Jahoda:

that you are weaker at fighting and more

Jarrod Jahoda:

likely to succumb to a failure table

Jarrod Jahoda:

and kill yourself, because that was one

Jarrod Jahoda:

of the options on these failure tables.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Like I have seen failure tables

Jarrod Jahoda:

that are like, you decapitate

Jarrod Jahoda:

yourself, you chop off your arm.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And I'm like, whoa, dude, I don't

Jarrod Jahoda:

know how that's possible, but so

Jarrod Jahoda:

Euro, but that being said, I do

Jarrod Jahoda:

support the idea of crit fails.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Like I like that idea, uh, you

Jarrod Jahoda:

know, in 3.5, like critical

Jarrod Jahoda:

failures were definitely a thing.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And so were critical successes and five

Jarrod Jahoda:

E they've kind of dropped the critical

Jarrod Jahoda:

fail part and just kept the success part.

Jarrod Jahoda:

But I still use critical fail, but I'm

Jarrod Jahoda:

a lot nicer with my critical fails.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And that essentially what

Jarrod Jahoda:

I do is I do it by level.

Jarrod Jahoda:

If you are a levels, one

Jarrod Jahoda:

through five, someone is going

Jarrod Jahoda:

to take one D four damage.

Lucas:

Okay.

Lucas:

Yeah.

Jarrod Jahoda:

So enough to kind of be

Jarrod Jahoda:

annoying, but generally not enough to kill

Jarrod Jahoda:

you unless you're a wizard and enrolled a

Jarrod Jahoda:

two on your Um, and then it increases so

Jarrod Jahoda:

like six through 10 as a D six, a D eight

Jarrod Jahoda:

for 11 through 15 and 16 through twenties,

Jarrod Jahoda:

uh, D 10, but it's just one die of damage.

Jarrod Jahoda:

But what I add to it is

Lucas:

Ah,

Jarrod Jahoda:

a condition effect.

Jarrod Jahoda:

like you could overextend and maybe

Jarrod Jahoda:

you overextend by your opponent's

Jarrod Jahoda:

sword and you get cut for two points

Jarrod Jahoda:

of damage, but then you fall prone

Lucas:

Yeah, bad news.

Jarrod Jahoda:

and like

Jarrod Jahoda:

that ends your turn.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Or, you know, if there's like three

Jarrod Jahoda:

potential people who could suffer,

Jarrod Jahoda:

like if you're an archer and you

Jarrod Jahoda:

roll it out, could fling back on you.

Jarrod Jahoda:

It could hit the fighter next

Jarrod Jahoda:

to the enemy, or it could hit

Jarrod Jahoda:

the road next to the enemy.

Jarrod Jahoda:

So all three of the players rolled a

Jarrod Jahoda:

D 20 and it's a straight luck roll,

Jarrod Jahoda:

whoever gets the lowest, gets the ping.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And then, you know, that can be like,

Jarrod Jahoda:

Hey, watch where you're shooting.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And fun.

Jarrod Jahoda:

So I believe in the poetry of a

Jarrod Jahoda:

nat one, just as much as I believe

Jarrod Jahoda:

in the artistry of a Nat 20,

Jarrod Jahoda:

but I don't want to be a Dick about it.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I just want to be annoying about it.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Um, which has a long round of saying,

Jarrod Jahoda:

I like the idea of these failure

Jarrod Jahoda:

tables, but I think in previous

Jarrod Jahoda:

editions they were too aggressive.

Lucas:

do you critical

Lucas:

fail on skill checks?

Danilo Vujevic:

um, no,

Danilo Vujevic:

so not in, not okay.

Danilo Vujevic:

Let me, let me define that

Danilo Vujevic:

for, you know, if they wrote a

Danilo Vujevic:

one, but if they still failed.

Danilo Vujevic:

Badly which could be on a two or

Danilo Vujevic:

it could just be the DC was so high

Danilo Vujevic:

that the chances of failure high

Danilo Vujevic:

and failing catastrophically as

Danilo Vujevic:

high, you know, it's gonna happen.

Danilo Vujevic:

And it's probably never

Danilo Vujevic:

as hard or as harsh.

Danilo Vujevic:

There's no punitive, the most punishment

Danilo Vujevic:

it will get is you're trying to run

Danilo Vujevic:

leap or dive across a skill check.

Danilo Vujevic:

For example, a physical activity

Danilo Vujevic:

you full prone is probably as hard.

Danilo Vujevic:

You know, you fall on your ass

Danilo Vujevic:

because it's kind of half role-play

Danilo Vujevic:

ha look at the buffoon, but also half.

Danilo Vujevic:

Yes, you're going to have

Danilo Vujevic:

to spend five for a moment.

Danilo Vujevic:

If we're not in combat,

Danilo Vujevic:

that's not really an issue.

Danilo Vujevic:

So no one really minds.

Danilo Vujevic:

Um, and then for social encounters,

Danilo Vujevic:

It's I always tend to run, um, you

Danilo Vujevic:

know, nothing's binary in my game.

Danilo Vujevic:

So a critical fail quote, unquote,

Danilo Vujevic:

isn't going to just immediately turn

Danilo Vujevic:

anyone to be like, oh, now I want to

Danilo Vujevic:

punch you in the face because humans

Danilo Vujevic:

don't really operate like that.

Danilo Vujevic:

It takes quite a lot for, to get me

Danilo Vujevic:

to want to punch somebody in the face.

Danilo Vujevic:

Like we're talking like quite egregious

Danilo Vujevic:

things here, not just somebody

Danilo Vujevic:

asking for more money off an item

Danilo Vujevic:

and then doing it in an awkward way.

Danilo Vujevic:

Doesn't immediately make me

Danilo Vujevic:

hate that person in this.

Danilo Vujevic:

And that's how I try and run my MPCs.

Danilo Vujevic:

So it, you know, a critical fail

Danilo Vujevic:

would just be like, do you know what?

Danilo Vujevic:

Just leave my store please.

Danilo Vujevic:

Cause you're wasting my time and not

Danilo Vujevic:

whoops, you throw the coin because

Danilo Vujevic:

you fell over and you throw it in

Danilo Vujevic:

the merchants face and now the guards

Danilo Vujevic:

want you is not to me is not, is

Danilo Vujevic:

just, doesn't really make sense.

Lucas:

You are

Danilo Vujevic:

I very much

Danilo Vujevic:

subscribe to that train of thought.

Danilo Vujevic:

That's like when people say.

Danilo Vujevic:

They try and persuade the king, give

Danilo Vujevic:

me a crown so I can be king and you can

Danilo Vujevic:

make them roll, uh, because although it's

Danilo Vujevic:

impossible and you shouldn't really get

Danilo Vujevic:

players to roll for things are impossible.

Danilo Vujevic:

The outcome is very variable.

Danilo Vujevic:

So a 20 plus would be like, ha, you

Danilo Vujevic:

can be my court justice because what

Danilo Vujevic:

a funny joke you just said, and I'm

Danilo Vujevic:

not going to throw you in prison.

Danilo Vujevic:

Whereas, you know, D you

Danilo Vujevic:

don't hit DC five, which

Danilo Vujevic:

typically one tends to not hit.

Danilo Vujevic:

Uh, then he's like, you've insulted me

Danilo Vujevic:

and you're going in prison for the night.

Danilo Vujevic:

Uh, so that, that sliding

Danilo Vujevic:

scale, which again, is kind of

Danilo Vujevic:

in independent of a one or not

Jeremy Vine:

I never really used them.

Jeremy Vine:

I felt that that was something that

Jeremy Vine:

would, would take away the five.

Jeremy Vine:

Um, and critical hits, same sort of thing.

Jeremy Vine:

I tend to use those more because

Jeremy Vine:

it's such a powerful hit.

Jeremy Vine:

I feel that they balance themselves

Jeremy Vine:

pretty well, because if you can do a

Jeremy Vine:

critical hit, then the monsters can too.

Jeremy Vine:

And that's usually why I didn't do it

Jeremy Vine:

because if they can have a critical

Jeremy Vine:

failure, the monsters can too.

Jeremy Vine:

And I don't want my monsters

Jeremy Vine:

attacking each other.

Jeremy Vine:

I want them to continue to

Jeremy Vine:

attack the, um, the party.

Jeremy Vine:

Ah, but that really is kind of boiling

Jeremy Vine:

down what the critical fail was that

Jeremy Vine:

you had a certain percentage of not

Jeremy Vine:

only did you not succeed, but something

Jeremy Vine:

even worse has happened to you.

Jeremy Vine:

And there's also the, um, the

Jeremy Vine:

straw dummy test, which is also

Jeremy Vine:

again for the critical hit.

Jeremy Vine:

Like if you've got someone just attacking

Jeremy Vine:

something that can't fight back, what are

Jeremy Vine:

the chances of you rolling so poorly that

Jeremy Vine:

you actually injure yourself with, uh, a

Jeremy Vine:

creature that's not attacking you at all?

Lucas:

yeah.

Lucas:

So eventually if you are rolling

Lucas:

enough dice, and if those dice can

Lucas:

critically fail you, there's a non-zero

Lucas:

chance and a gradually escalating

Lucas:

chance that a straw dummy itself is

Lucas:

going to cause you grievous bodily

Lucas:

harm through no fault of its own.

Jeremy Vine:

I do love these ideas as

Jeremy Vine:

myths in game where you might've had

Jeremy Vine:

stories about someone who's just so

Jeremy Vine:

bad at being a warrior so bad at being

Jeremy Vine:

a God that the straw dummy defeated

Jeremy Vine:

them because they just went at it and

Jeremy Vine:

they just roll that poli that yeah,

Jeremy Vine:

the, the dummy has actually caused

Jeremy Vine:

multiple wounds to them, um, over there

Jeremy Vine:

that little training session, but it

Jeremy Vine:

doesn't actually happen to characters.

Jeremy Vine:

I feel because these are the thought

Jeremy Vine:

experiments of, if we extend the dice

Jeremy Vine:

over a certain period, it is theoretically

Jeremy Vine:

possible that these things could occur.

Jeremy Vine:

In practice, they are

Jeremy Vine:

very unlikely to occur.

Jeremy Vine:

I mean, again, I do not,

Jeremy Vine:

I probability very well.

Jeremy Vine:

I'm not a game designer, but I

Jeremy Vine:

feel it is a thought experiment.

Jeremy Vine:

That's useful when you are looking

Jeremy Vine:

at something like a critical failure

Jeremy Vine:

table or a critical hit table for,

Jeremy Vine:

for that matter, because that is

Jeremy Vine:

kind of just the same thing, but

Jeremy Vine:

reversed, but it's a lot more danger.

Jeremy Vine:

I feel a critical hits tables,

Jeremy Vine:

a lot more celebratory.

Jeremy Vine:

The people are a lot more

Jeremy Vine:

interested in, in seeing a critical

Jeremy Vine:

hit than a critical failure.

Lucas:

Thanks for listening

Lucas:

to Making a Monster.

Lucas:

If this episode has entertained

Lucas:

or enlightened you in any way,

Lucas:

please share it with the people

Lucas:

who play D and D with you.

Lucas:

Your recommendation will go a

Lucas:

long way to helping people trust

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me with their time and attention.

Lucas:

And it's a real gift to me

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and the creators I feature.

Lucas:

You could also leave me a like, or a

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five star review on Spotify, iTunes,

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or your podcast player of choice.

Lucas:

It's a small thing, but it really does

Lucas:

help new listeners discover the show.

Lucas:

If you really like what I'm doing,

Lucas:

you can support me through The Book of

Lucas:

Extinction, a project I'm creating with

Lucas:

Mage Hand Press that enables D and D

Lucas:

players to make a real difference in the

Lucas:

climate crisis and rapidly accelerating

Lucas:

mass extinction by telling the stories

Lucas:

of the animals that we have already lost.

Lucas:

There are already five episodes

Lucas:

of Making a Monster about

Lucas:

the creatures in that book.

Lucas:

So set this podcast feed to newest

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first and take a journey with me into

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a world wilder and more fascinating

Lucas:

than you probably thought it could be.

Lucas:

Special thanks to my collaborators

Lucas:

on these exploit monsters episodes:

Jeremy Vine:

I'm Jeremy Vine, I'm

Jeremy Vine:

a professional dungeon master.

Jeremy Vine:

You can find me on social media on

Jeremy Vine:

Twitter at Talumin, T A L U M I N,

Jeremy Vine:

or you can listen to my podcasts

Jeremy Vine:

Tell Me About Your D&D Character,

Jeremy Vine:

which is on SoundCloud or D&D and TV

Jarrod Jahoda:

My name is Jarrod Jahoda,

Jarrod Jahoda:

and you can find me on any podcast

Jarrod Jahoda:

platform under Mid-level Adventurers.

Jarrod Jahoda:

I'm one half of the creative team.

Jarrod Jahoda:

Matt is the other half, or you can

Jarrod Jahoda:

catch Matt and I on Nuuli Forged,

Jarrod Jahoda:

which is our Twitch stream D&D game.

Jarrod Jahoda:

It's a homebrew game set in a

Jarrod Jahoda:

post-apocalyptic magical world.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And, uh, you can follow us on

Jarrod Jahoda:

Instagram, Twitter at mid LVL

Jarrod Jahoda:

adventure to keep updated.

Jarrod Jahoda:

And we've recently started releasing

Jarrod Jahoda:

our podcast episodes on YouTube as well.

Danilo Vujevic:

I'm Danilo, the

Danilo Vujevic:

host/producer/editor of Thinking

Danilo Vujevic:

Critically, a D&D discussion podcast

Danilo Vujevic:

where we take a single word or

Danilo Vujevic:

topic and discuss what it means in

Danilo Vujevic:

the D&D and wider TTRPG framework.

Danilo Vujevic:

that has been going on now for almost 65

Danilo Vujevic:

episodes and a year and a bit weekly drops

Danilo Vujevic:

everything from your esoteric, left-field,

Danilo Vujevic:

weird things that you would never

Danilo Vujevic:

attribute to D&D all the way to encounters

Danilo Vujevic:

and experience, and much more obvious

Danilo Vujevic:

topics, including soft skills, such as

Danilo Vujevic:

friendship and social and meta things such

Danilo Vujevic:

as podcasts, which was a weird itself.

Danilo Vujevic:

Naval Naval gazing.

Danilo Vujevic:

One to record.

Rebecca Gray:

Hello, I'm Rebecca

Steve Myers:

and I'm Steven.

Rebecca Gray:

And we are from A

Rebecca Gray:

House Sivis Broadcasting Eberron

Rebecca Gray:

A Chronicle of Echoes podcast.

Rebecca Gray:

It's a very different kind of podcast.

Rebecca Gray:

We're a little bit scripted, a little

Rebecca Gray:

bit improv and a whole lot of fun.

Rebecca Gray:

So we hope that you'll stop in

Rebecca Gray:

and check us out and find out what

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