The best game-breaking exploits in D&D. This week: the false hydra, the most terrifying homebrew monster ever made; and the Kung Fu Kraken, an ancient titan of the deep somehow less effective than a straw dummy.
Read the transcript and get more from the show:
https://scintilla.studio/monster-false-hydra-kung-fu-kraken/
Get stat blocks, bonus content, and other monstrous perks: www.patreon.com/scintillastudio
Join the conversation: www.twitter.com/SparkOtter
Meet my guests:
Jeremy Vine: www.twitter.com/talumin
Jarrod Jahoda, Mid-Level Adventurers: www.twitter.com/midlvladventure
Danilo Vujevic, Thinking Critically: https://www.thinkingcritically.co.uk/
Rebecca Gray and Steven Myers, Eberron: A Chronicle of Echoes: https://www.sivisechoerstation.com/
Music by Jason Shaw at Audionautix.com
wish Lucas had never
Steve Myers:shared this with me because now
Steve Myers:I can't be surprised with it.
Steve Myers:And it's so sad.
Jarrod Jahoda:I believe in the
Jarrod Jahoda:poetry of a nat one, just as much as
Jarrod Jahoda:I believe in the artistry of a Nat 20.
Rebecca Gray:you guys are doing
Rebecca Gray:specific monsters from older.
Steve Myers:It's not
Steve Myers:specific monsters cheats.
Steve Myers:It is different cheeses,
Rebecca Gray:Cheeses!
Rebecca Gray:We're cheesing things I don't
Rebecca Gray:know if that's what you call it.
Lucas:uh it's going to be what I
Lucas:call it now, because it's way better.
Lucas:Because a lot of the ways in
Lucas:which the game has created its own
Lucas:lore, its own D&D cryptids started
Lucas:back in third edition and 3.5.
Lucas:and Fifth edition stands at the top of
Lucas:this teetering tower of nonsense that is
Lucas:50 years old and has given rise to a huge
Lucas:variety of things that are just in the
Lucas:game now and have names and wander about
Lucas:the world of D&D in the same way that
Lucas:wandering monsters roam around dungeons.
Lucas:So
Rebecca Gray:peasant rail gun,
Danilo Vujevic:something
Danilo Vujevic:like the quantum ogre,
Jeremy Vine:I loathe
Jeremy Vine:the arrow of destruction,
Lucas:the False Hydra,
Jarrod Jahoda:a wireless troll,
Steve Myers:Larry the Kung Fu Kraken.
Steve Myers:I hate this one, so, so much.
Lucas:Welcome to Making a Monster,
Lucas:the bite-sized podcast where we look
Lucas:at the monsters in Dungeons and dragons
Lucas:and other tabletop RPGs and discover
Lucas:how they work, why they work and
Lucas:what they mean for these episodes.
Lucas:I've assembled a crack team of
Lucas:D and D podcasters from all over
Lucas:the world to track down monsters,
Lucas:born of the system itself.
Jeremy Vine:I'm Jeremy Vine, I'm
Jeremy Vine:a professional dungeon master.
Jarrod Jahoda:My name is Jarrod Jahoda,
Jarrod Jahoda:and you can find me on any podcast
Jarrod Jahoda:platform under Mid-level Adventurers.
Danilo Vujevic:I'm Danilo, the
Danilo Vujevic:host/producer/editor of Thinking
Danilo Vujevic:Critically, a D&D discussion podcast
Rebecca Gray:Hello, I'm Rebecca
Steve Myers:and I'm Steven.
Rebecca Gray:And we are from A
Rebecca Gray:House Sivis Broadcasting Eberron
Rebecca Gray:A Chronicle of Echoes podcast.
Lucas:So let's talk cheese!
Lucas:uh,
Lucas:This next monster isn't so much
Lucas:an exploit as, as a homebrew, but
Lucas:it's on the list because of how
Lucas:resilient this idea has become.
Lucas:Near as I can tell, this idea first
Lucas:appeared, in September of 2014.
Lucas:And somehow in that seven years, it
Lucas:has accomplished, I think maybe the
Lucas:same amount of mythologizing as some of
Lucas:the things like the peasant rail gun.
Lucas:this is the false Hydra.
Lucas:This is one of those instances in
Lucas:which I w kind of wish I was making
Lucas:a video podcast, because when I
Lucas:say that everyone's face changes
Lucas:and it's never been the same twice.
Lucas:If you've heard of this, where was
Lucas:the first time you heard about it?
Danilo Vujevic:This is again
Danilo Vujevic:lucky for you because this
Danilo Vujevic:is a very pertinent in that.
Danilo Vujevic:Um, I, someone who I used to DM
Danilo Vujevic:for a little, little short campaign
Danilo Vujevic:that a while ago, they, recently,
Danilo Vujevic:Hey, can I get your advice?
Danilo Vujevic:I'm thinking of running this and it
Danilo Vujevic:happened to be a false hydra and, and
Danilo Vujevic:we're talking like three months ago.
Danilo Vujevic:They messaged me this.
Danilo Vujevic:I saw the mentioned false hydra and
Danilo Vujevic:immediately I thought, oh, cool.
Danilo Vujevic:Is that going to be like a
Danilo Vujevic:water dwelling snake thing, but
Danilo Vujevic:maybe it only has like two heads,
Danilo Vujevic:which is why it's a false hydra.
Danilo Vujevic:I could not have been more
Danilo Vujevic:incredibly wrong in that
Danilo Vujevic:interpretation of that definition.
Lucas:And I think,
Steve Myers:looks awful.
Steve Myers:It looks so awful.
Lucas:yeah, Arnold has chosen
Lucas:a variety of horrifying images
Lucas:from around the internet.
Lucas:Some of them, I think are
Lucas:involved in an old, creepy pasta
Lucas:about a Zelda game cartridge.
Lucas:Um,
Rebecca Gray:no, that is a monster
from Legend of Zelda:Ocarina of Time.
Lucas:oh, okay.
Rebecca Gray:You fight it twice, once it
Rebecca Gray:as an adult, once as a kid, I think, but
Steve Myers:Yeah.
Steve Myers:Yeah, man, I, I played Ocarina of Time
Steve Myers:and I don't remember it's in the ballroom.
Rebecca Gray:It's a creature.
Rebecca Gray:You fight in the bottom
Rebecca Gray:of the, well, I'm sorry.
Rebecca Gray:I know that game backwards and forwards.
Jeremy Vine:I've encountered the blog.
Jeremy Vine:Well, actually a separate blog post
Jeremy Vine:before about the idea of a false hydra,
Jeremy Vine:because my interpretation of the false
Jeremy Vine:hydra is that it kind of takes, your
Jeremy Vine:recollection of the hydra itself, that
Jeremy Vine:when you are devoured by this hydra,
Jeremy Vine:your, the memory of you is erased
Jeremy Vine:from reality, that to everyone who
Jeremy Vine:knew you, you just no longer exist.
Danilo Vujevic:And so I read it
Danilo Vujevic:all and so clearly you were very on
Danilo Vujevic:the money because it is still very
Danilo Vujevic:much in vogue and people are still
Danilo Vujevic:very much trying to incorporate it.
Danilo Vujevic:Broadly it is this creature that
Danilo Vujevic:calls upon a number of tropes that
Danilo Vujevic:we've seen in many popular culture.
Danilo Vujevic:I think that The Silence in Doctor
Danilo Vujevic:Who being a very obvious correlation
Danilo Vujevic:where it fandangles with people's
Danilo Vujevic:memory, essentially, Um, perception
Danilo Vujevic:of reality so that it is this all
Danilo Vujevic:pervasive, clearly not benign creature.
Danilo Vujevic:This is not benign force that manipulates
Danilo Vujevic:people's memories and perception of
Danilo Vujevic:reality so that they never notice it.
Danilo Vujevic:They never see it's there, or
Danilo Vujevic:the effects that it has on their
Danilo Vujevic:world, such as killing people.
Danilo Vujevic:They will cease to remember those
Danilo Vujevic:people and go on as, as normal as to
Danilo Vujevic:secure its safety and, and to growth.
Steve Myers:The false hydra always
Steve Myers:felt like the silence from Doctor
Steve Myers:Who is that was what the premise was.
Steve Myers:It's something you look and
Steve Myers:you acknowledge is there, and
Steve Myers:then you can roll to forget it.
Steve Myers:And that is absolutely horrifying
Steve Myers:that you could know this thing
Steve Myers:is there outside of character and
Steve Myers:be able to do nothing with that.
Jarrod Jahoda:Yeah, it was a
Jarrod Jahoda:mental mind shenanigan crazy thing.
Jarrod Jahoda:Like it was like, whoa,
Jarrod Jahoda:this is blowing your mind.
Jarrod Jahoda:And I don't know which came first chicken
Jarrod Jahoda:or the egg, because I just don't know.
Lucas:Uh, first appearance,
:The Impossible Astronaut.
Jarrod Jahoda:ah, so maybe then it
Jarrod Jahoda:was inspired by, or maybe they just
Jarrod Jahoda:came up with the idea separately, but
Lucas:Yeah.
Lucas:Sort of case of convergent evolution.
Jarrod Jahoda:which it's just a great
Jarrod Jahoda:idea, having this monster that is
Jarrod Jahoda:really more about the psychological
Jarrod Jahoda:terror of it than anything else.
Jarrod Jahoda:It's subconscious fear.
Jarrod Jahoda:It is that like it's almost horror esque
Jarrod Jahoda:really as opposed to like a fantasy.
Steve Myers:And it just slowly
Steve Myers:takes over a town by just
Steve Myers:removing people one by one by one.
Steve Myers:And it's, is such a horrifying idea.
Steve Myers:And it's not often that you get to
Steve Myers:see "DM cheese" where they get to
Steve Myers:fudge the rules and make things a
Steve Myers:little more exciting and fun for them.
Steve Myers:And it's disturbing and upsetting.
Steve Myers:And I, I can't get enough of it.
Steve Myers:I cannot get enough of it.
Steve Myers:I just want to play, I mean, I
Steve Myers:don't want to play in a game with
Steve Myers:it because if I play in a game
Steve Myers:with it now, I'll know what's there
Steve Myers:and it takes away all the fun.
Steve Myers:wish Lucas had never shared this with me
Steve Myers:because now I can't be surprised with it.
Steve Myers:And it's so sad.
Lucas:I've heard that this
Lucas:is one of those things that is
Lucas:extremely difficult to pull off.
Lucas:If you had to run a false hydra,
Lucas:do you think you'd try and do it?
Lucas:And if so, how would you set this up?
Jarrod Jahoda:Well, if any of
Jarrod Jahoda:my players are listening, no, I
Jarrod Jahoda:would never try to do that ever.
Jarrod Jahoda:But if I was going to try to
Jarrod Jahoda:do it, they wouldn't know.
Jarrod Jahoda:Uh, no, I, I would probably take,
Jarrod Jahoda:I probably wouldn't do the whole,
Jarrod Jahoda:like it rose out of the ground
Jarrod Jahoda:through grubs and whatever.
Jarrod Jahoda:I would probably be a
Jarrod Jahoda:little more wacky with it.
Jarrod Jahoda:Cause I kinda like that still dangerous
Jarrod Jahoda:and crazy, but a little more wacky.
Jarrod Jahoda:So I would have, I think, a, a, a town
Jarrod Jahoda:where people are happy all the time.
Jarrod Jahoda:There's no like existential dread and
Jarrod Jahoda:there's always new housing opening up.
Jarrod Jahoda:Um, so they're always like, Hey, we just
Jarrod Jahoda:have this new house that just opened up
Jarrod Jahoda:over here, like you should check that out.
Jarrod Jahoda:And so they constantly are
Jarrod Jahoda:getting new people in the
Jarrod Jahoda:town because it's a paradise.
Jarrod Jahoda:Nobody ever has any problems,
Jarrod Jahoda:which automatically in my
Jarrod Jahoda:book makes it suspicious
Lucas:Oh, yeah.
Jarrod Jahoda:there's no problems
Jarrod Jahoda:because any like bandits or anything
Jarrod Jahoda:that come along immediately succumb to
Jarrod Jahoda:the hydra, because the hydra keeps like
Jarrod Jahoda:a core number of town, people around
Jarrod Jahoda:to lure in new people at all times.
Jarrod Jahoda:So I would put it more in like a
Jarrod Jahoda:opportunistic parasite, as opposed to just
Jarrod Jahoda:like, oh, I'm going to eat everything.
Jarrod Jahoda:Um, because like it is doing some
Jarrod Jahoda:good it's taking out baddies and
Jarrod Jahoda:protecting these core people,
Jarrod Jahoda:but everyone else is just food.
Lucas:Wow.
Lucas:Yeah.
Lucas:I love that.
Lucas:Cause that's, it's not, then it's not
Lucas:quite cut and dried as a, it's only a
Jarrod Jahoda:I love moral
Jarrod Jahoda:ambiguity in my games.
Jarrod Jahoda:I'm all about it.
Jarrod Jahoda:I always give my bad guy a good
Jarrod Jahoda:reason for being a bad guy.
Jeremy Vine:So I've never
Jeremy Vine:encountered this before.
Jeremy Vine:I feel that this is something that
Jeremy Vine:is incredibly difficult to achieve
Jeremy Vine:as a dungeon master, to have that
Jeremy Vine:level of knowledge of like that
Jeremy Vine:level of planning as well of, yes,
Jeremy Vine:these people no longer exist and If
Jeremy Vine:a character is taken by, it's like,
Jeremy Vine:well, how do you, how do you do that?
Jeremy Vine:It's that, complete buy-in of
Jeremy Vine:the world that is very difficult
Jeremy Vine:to achieve in my opinion.
Jeremy Vine:I love the idea around it now.
Jeremy Vine:I'm not sure if this is the blog post
Jeremy Vine:that you sent, the way I encountered
Jeremy Vine:it was a, somebody was saying that they
Jeremy Vine:decided to use the false hydra in a game.
Jeremy Vine:And that they just had the party sitting
Jeremy Vine:around and notice some bloodstains and
Jeremy Vine:there's like, that's weird, but all right.
Jeremy Vine:And eventually they found the
Jeremy Vine:false hydra and they killed them.
Jeremy Vine:And, um, they went back to town and
Jeremy Vine:were given a portrait that had been
Jeremy Vine:painted by, um, like an actual portrait.
Jeremy Vine:And it actually had a character, a
Jeremy Vine:member of the party who they'd never met.
Jeremy Vine:And the idea was that at some point,
Jeremy Vine:this character had gone on watch
Jeremy Vine:and being, and by the hydra and the
Jeremy Vine:fact that the character had never
Jeremy Vine:had a play I'd never existed at all.
Jeremy Vine:They just completely sign it
Jeremy Vine:in that you've lost these party
Jeremy Vine:member that you now never remember.
Lucas:That's amazing.
Jeremy Vine:that's, that's how
Jeremy Vine:I encountered the false Hydra.
Jeremy Vine:I just thought this is genius.
Jeremy Vine:If you can pull that off, your
Jeremy Vine:players will remember that forever.
Jeremy Vine:Absolutely.
Jeremy Vine:And the certainly the blog
Jeremy Vine:post I've, um, that I've seen
Jeremy Vine:overall is like this horror.
Jeremy Vine:It's designing a horror creature.
Jeremy Vine:Um, that idea that once it
Jeremy Vine:kills you, no one remembers you.
Jeremy Vine:It's like, that's something that just
Jeremy Vine:takes a little bit of a trigger in my mind
Jeremy Vine:has got no, I didn't like that at all.
Jeremy Vine:That's a squeak that, that terrifies me.
Lucas:Do you think you could pull it off?
Lucas:Like running a false
Lucas:hydra for your players?
Danilo Vujevic:I guess
Danilo Vujevic:the different, okay.
Danilo Vujevic:The definition of whether I could pull it
Danilo Vujevic:off or not, I would leave to my players.
Lucas:enough.
Danilo Vujevic:um, I would say, I would
Danilo Vujevic:like to think so if, only for the fact
Danilo Vujevic:of I would overplan and make sure and
Danilo Vujevic:spend all way too long on things that
Danilo Vujevic:won't get used or won't even get to see
Danilo Vujevic:the light of day so that it would just
Danilo Vujevic:be in a complete fail, safe system,
Danilo Vujevic:ecology, where they do, they'd always be
Danilo Vujevic:something exciting to do, but there's the
Danilo Vujevic:fact of the matter is basically no one,
Danilo Vujevic:including myself, has that freedom has
Danilo Vujevic:that length of time available to them to
Danilo Vujevic:really make it like maybe I'm completely
Danilo Vujevic:a naysayer and pessimistic is clearly
Danilo Vujevic:it's, it's popular and people do it.
Lucas:Well, I think you're right in
Lucas:that it works a lot better on paper
Lucas:than it does in practice because
Lucas:of the people I've asked about this
Lucas:most have not been confident that,
Lucas:uh, they would want to make the
Lucas:attempt or that they could provide a
Lucas:satisfying experience if they did, or
Lucas:that it would be worth it in the end,
Lucas:because there's so much going on here.
Lucas:It's a loaded question,
Lucas:"could you do this?"
Lucas:which is kind of why I ask it.
Danilo Vujevic:Yeah, I mean,
Danilo Vujevic:I would agree with them.
Danilo Vujevic:I hate being like, "with experience"
Danilo Vujevic:or "with, with knowledge," but I
Danilo Vujevic:can't, I've done this podcast for
Danilo Vujevic:however many years and not picked up.
Danilo Vujevic:Some peripheral peripheral experience.
Danilo Vujevic:So absolutely this and many
Danilo Vujevic:other things, I'm sure.
Danilo Vujevic:Go seem rad on a first glance to,
Danilo Vujevic:to maybe a less experienced DM.
Danilo Vujevic:Now but I'm just perhaps more
Danilo Vujevic:cognizant of various pitfalls
Danilo Vujevic:having fallen in then myself.
Danilo Vujevic:So yeah, it's less experienced DM
Danilo Vujevic:seeing something like the false hydra
Danilo Vujevic:and that's, oh, that'll be really cool.
Danilo Vujevic:That'd be really atmospheric.
Danilo Vujevic:And I can have the bomb and have
Danilo Vujevic:a picture of his family behind
Danilo Vujevic:the bar, but he doesn't know
Danilo Vujevic:who the woman or the child are.
Danilo Vujevic:He just thinks it's a selfie.
Danilo Vujevic:And then that the players asked
Danilo Vujevic:the question, like what happened
Danilo Vujevic:to the woman and the child and
Danilo Vujevic:the photo when he goes around the
Danilo Vujevic:woman and the child in the photo.
Danilo Vujevic:That'd be fun and exciting.
Danilo Vujevic:Yeah, sure.
Danilo Vujevic:That is.
Danilo Vujevic:But then, but then what,
Danilo Vujevic:you know, w w how, how do we
Danilo Vujevic:really get something out of.
Danilo Vujevic:And, and you kind of do that.
Danilo Vujevic:As I said, a couple of times before the
Danilo Vujevic:players go, everyone here is crazy and
Danilo Vujevic:that's, that's it, that's the story.
Danilo Vujevic:And we move on how this weird town
Danilo Vujevic:full of the people who don't know,
Danilo Vujevic:who can't understand what a photo is.
Danilo Vujevic:And then everybody gets frustrated,
Danilo Vujevic:which is the worst case.
Danilo Vujevic:That's like, that's the fail state.
Danilo Vujevic:The fail state is everybody
Danilo Vujevic:including the DM is just like,
Danilo Vujevic:we don't know what's going on.
Danilo Vujevic:I don't know how to make other
Danilo Vujevic:people know what's going on there.
Lucas:yeah.
Lucas:Yeah, because running a mystery in
Lucas:D&D is very difficult, running a
Lucas:mystery where the solution to the
Lucas:mystery is actively erasing the clues.
Lucas:Uh, Also really difficult.
Danilo Vujevic:Yep.
Lucas:There's miles of depth on this
Danilo Vujevic:Yeah.
Danilo Vujevic:Yeah, for sure.
Danilo Vujevic:For sure.
Danilo Vujevic:Um, you, you just you'd need to be.
Danilo Vujevic:novelist to, to, to like in a sense,
Danilo Vujevic:because it has to be a lot of, it has
Danilo Vujevic:to be scripted to a certain extent.
Danilo Vujevic:You're, you're almost pushing
Danilo Vujevic:that point of more scripted
Danilo Vujevic:gameplay rather than freeform.
Steve Myers:I like the idea behind it and
Steve Myers:it would be really fun to do a one-shot
Steve Myers:involving it, but I can't imagine.
Steve Myers:Th just the mental logistics
Steve Myers:that go into thinking like, wow,
Steve Myers:okay, now there's a monster.
Steve Myers:You have to fight that you don't know.
Steve Myers:Is there, what do you do?
Steve Myers:What, what do you even
Steve Myers:do in that scenario?
Rebecca Gray:Yeah.
Rebecca Gray:Cause, cause you're asking for
Rebecca Gray:a lot from your players, not
Rebecca Gray:to metagame if you're using it.
Steve Myers:Oh no.
Steve Myers:I mean metagame at that point in
Steve Myers:time please, because the only way
Steve Myers:you're going to get out of that
Steve Myers:is by thinking outside of the box.
Steve Myers:Cause everything's straightforward.
Steve Myers:You would have assumed has
Steve Myers:been tried time And time again.
Steve Myers:You have to have to
Steve Myers:come up with something.
Steve Myers:I mean, oh God, no, no.
Steve Myers:And
Rebecca Gray:I don't,
Steve Myers:I don't like it.
Steve Myers:I don't have a lot to say on it.
Lucas:so much of what's happening
Lucas:in the game is being influenced
Lucas:by what's happening at the table.
Lucas:And to that point, there's, there's some
Lucas:of this cheese that's influenced by what's
Lucas:happening within the game system itself.
Lucas:Which leads me to Larry,
Lucas:the Kung Fu Kraken.
Steve Myers:Oh man.
Steve Myers:Larry, the Kung Fu Kraken.
Steve Myers:I hate this one, so, so much.
Lucas:Uh,
Steve Myers:makes sense, but hate it.
Steve Myers:I hate it so much.
Lucas:yeah.
Lucas:So this relies on a discussion of
Lucas:fumble mechanics or, or critical fails.
Rebecca Gray:so with five E I mean,
Rebecca Gray:there's not a lot of credit fail rules.
Rebecca Gray:A lot of that's going to be on the DM.
Rebecca Gray:You critically fail and I
Rebecca Gray:mean, you miss real bad.
Rebecca Gray:There might be a few suggestions in the
Rebecca Gray:DM's Guide, but for the most part nothing
Rebecca Gray:really bad happens if you critically
Rebecca Gray:fail on a hit or a skill check or
Rebecca Gray:anything like that, but with Pathfinder
Steve Myers:And 3.5.
Rebecca Gray:In 3.5, there were
Rebecca Gray:very hard rules as to what could
Rebecca Gray:happen when you critically fail.
Rebecca Gray:And so think I'm gonna just
Rebecca Gray:come to the through line here.
Rebecca Gray:I think that it, it goes back to the
Rebecca Gray:adversarial aspects of 3.5 and Pathfinder
Rebecca Gray:in particular because you want to be
Rebecca Gray:able to punish your players occasionally
Rebecca Gray:and you don't really get to do that.
Rebecca Gray:And by having them roll a one, you're
Rebecca Gray:saying, well, now you've messed up
Rebecca Gray:and I get to do something to you.
Lucas:Yeah.
Lucas:Monster of the Week calls
Lucas:it "taking a hard move."
Steve Myers:Yeah.
Steve Myers:I think that five E has made a good
Steve Myers:decision getting away from that.
Steve Myers:I think that you can fail and
Steve Myers:still have bad things happen.
Steve Myers:And I think taking a hard move is
Steve Myers:a way that it can be done without
Steve Myers:it being as punishing as it was.
Steve Myers:even like the cards for Pathfinder,
Steve Myers:they have the crit fail cards.
Steve Myers:I don't know if those were
Steve Myers:official or they were official.
Steve Myers:Yeah.
Steve Myers:uh,
Lucas:what's on a crit fail card?
Steve Myers:So we had the critical
Steve Myers:success cards, which were always
Steve Myers:like, oh, you're doing so good.
Steve Myers:And then crit fails like, oh, okay.
Steve Myers:You you've dropped her weapon
Steve Myers:and you've cut off your toe.
Steve Myers:And now you're going to have problems
Steve Myers:with balance for the rest of the game.
Steve Myers:Yeah.
Rebecca Gray:Or you accidentally
Rebecca Gray:kicked up some dust and you're
Rebecca Gray:blinded for the next minute.
Rebecca Gray:Some of them got like bad enough that
Rebecca Gray:it was like you fall on your sword.
Steve Myers:Yeah, so,
Rebecca Gray:you are now dying.
Jeremy Vine:And that's kind of
Jeremy Vine:what the critical fail was that
Jeremy Vine:sometimes when you roll the one,
Jeremy Vine:you would have a separate table.
Jeremy Vine:Something bad even was,
Jeremy Vine:has happened to you.
Jeremy Vine:And you'd have to roll on that.
Jeremy Vine:And it might be you just drop your weapon.
Jeremy Vine:It might be that you attack
Jeremy Vine:your ally next to you.
Jeremy Vine:Instead, it might be
Jeremy Vine:that you stab yourself.
Jeremy Vine:It might, there's a whole range
Jeremy Vine:of things that would could occur.
Steve Myers:Back in the day.
Steve Myers:Like one, you rolled a one.
Steve Myers:And so for, for twenties,
Steve Myers:you, you had to roll a D 20.
Steve Myers:And if you got a 20, you had to roll
Steve Myers:a confirm and you had to beat the AC.
Steve Myers:Now, if you rolled a second 20,
Steve Myers:so two twenties in a row we would
Steve Myers:go into like, oh man, you're doing
Steve Myers:exceedingly well, try it again.
Steve Myers:You get three twenties in a
Steve Myers:row, you insta-kill something.
Jarrod Jahoda:Once I actually
Jarrod Jahoda:got three twenties in a row,
Jarrod Jahoda:so I insta-killed something.
Lucas:Oh my gosh.
Jarrod Jahoda:was, I don't even know
Jarrod Jahoda:what the odds were, but it was crazy.
Jarrod Jahoda:One in like 1600 chance I
Jarrod Jahoda:had, something like that.
Lucas:we can live in
Lucas:that moment if you want.
Lucas:You can tell me that story.
Jarrod Jahoda:I mean, it was crazy.
Jarrod Jahoda:I was playing a ranger and I was
Jarrod Jahoda:having a hard go at it because
Jarrod Jahoda:it was this monster creature.
Jarrod Jahoda:And I didn't ha I think it was a plant
Jarrod Jahoda:and I didn't have any magical weapons.
Jarrod Jahoda:And it was like resistant
Jarrod Jahoda:to all my attacks.
Jarrod Jahoda:But then I just happened to roll three 20.
Jarrod Jahoda:I rolled the 20 and he was
Jarrod Jahoda:like, okay, confirm it.
Jarrod Jahoda:And I was like, okay.
Jarrod Jahoda:I, I got the crit and I
Jarrod Jahoda:was like, just go for it.
Jarrod Jahoda:And I roll the third 20, couldn't
Jarrod Jahoda:believe it, and somehow with my non
Jarrod Jahoda:magical attacks, I killed a thing that
Jarrod Jahoda:was resistant to non-magical damage
Jarrod Jahoda:because I wrote three twenties in a row.
Jarrod Jahoda:The odds were insane.
Jarrod Jahoda:Somehow I did it.
Jarrod Jahoda:And after the game he realized that
Jarrod Jahoda:well, plant creatures are actually
Jarrod Jahoda:immune to critical hits, but I
Jarrod Jahoda:was like, don't rob this from me!
Lucas:This happened!
Lucas:Man, three and a half was wild.
Jarrod Jahoda:yeah.
Lucas:what was even going on back then?
Jarrod Jahoda:Yeah.
Jarrod Jahoda:I didn't have a single
Jarrod Jahoda:character that lasted more
Jarrod Jahoda:than like five sessions in 3.5.
Lucas:Wow.
Lucas:I've had one character last three years.
Jarrod Jahoda:I am amazed
Jarrod Jahoda:and awed by your skill.
Lucas:It has nothing to do with it.
Lucas:I think it's more five E's fault, this
Lucas:actually kind of brings me back around.
Lucas:Cause one of the things that people have
Lucas:told me about older editions is that there
Lucas:was a much more adversarial relationship
Lucas:between the DM and the players.
Lucas:Like you, like this world is going to kill
Lucas:you and I'm the guy who's going to do it.
Lucas:And it's your job to
Lucas:figure out how to survive.
Jarrod Jahoda:Yes.
Jarrod Jahoda:Very much.
Jarrod Jahoda:So those first, I mean, those
Jarrod Jahoda:first sessions until that character
Jarrod Jahoda:died and my three edition game,
Jarrod Jahoda:it was always like, everything
Jarrod Jahoda:was trying to kill our characters.
Jarrod Jahoda:It wasn't about like building
Jarrod Jahoda:up as heroic adventure journey.
Jarrod Jahoda:It was about how can I kill you?
Lucas:Hm.
Jarrod Jahoda:My 3.5 adventures were
Jarrod Jahoda:similar, but less so that I think that's
Jarrod Jahoda:just because the DM was a nicer human.
Jarrod Jahoda:And certainly in fourth edition when
Jarrod Jahoda:I started DM-ing and I was really
Jarrod Jahoda:bad at it, I took that mindset
Jarrod Jahoda:because that's the only one I knew.
Jarrod Jahoda:And then I was talking to him and I was
Jarrod Jahoda:like, I'm not having this fun this way.
Jarrod Jahoda:I'm just going to make it be
Jarrod Jahoda:more of like, I'm a neutral party
Jarrod Jahoda:and you'll have to fight things.
Jarrod Jahoda:And if you die, you die and I'm
Jarrod Jahoda:not going to get involved in it.
Lucas:Yeah.
Lucas:Yeah.
Lucas:It was but let me circle back to
Lucas:critical success or critical fails.
Lucas:What is the thought experiment
Lucas:of the Kung Fu Kraken?
Jarrod Jahoda:So it's this idea that a
Jarrod Jahoda:kraken who is trained in martial arts can
Jarrod Jahoda:attack essentially 18 times on a term.
Jarrod Jahoda:Right.
Jarrod Jahoda:means
Lucas:We're counting what eight we're
Lucas:counting eight limbs and then a few extra.
Jarrod Jahoda:yeah, so like it's
Jarrod Jahoda:like eight limbs and multi attack.
Jarrod Jahoda:So that's two attacks per limb.
Jarrod Jahoda:And I think there's a, I forget
Jarrod Jahoda:what they were called, but they were
Jarrod Jahoda:equivalent of bonus action "flurry
Jarrod Jahoda:of blows" attack kind of deal.
Jeremy Vine:There's a
Jeremy Vine:whole range of things.
Jeremy Vine:It could have tentacles, it could have
Jeremy Vine:massive teeth, it could have pseudopods,
Jeremy Vine:but he gets a lot of attacks is the point.
Jarrod Jahoda:Yeah, a
Jarrod Jahoda:lot of attacks in a turn.
Jarrod Jahoda:And statistically, if you roll a D
Jarrod Jahoda:20 that many times, there's a certain
Jarrod Jahoda:number of times that's going to come up
Jarrod Jahoda:as a one, which is a critical failure.
Jarrod Jahoda:Your increased likelihood therefore means
Jarrod Jahoda:that you are weaker at fighting and more
Jarrod Jahoda:likely to succumb to a failure table
Jarrod Jahoda:and kill yourself, because that was one
Jarrod Jahoda:of the options on these failure tables.
Jarrod Jahoda:Like I have seen failure tables
Jarrod Jahoda:that are like, you decapitate
Jarrod Jahoda:yourself, you chop off your arm.
Jarrod Jahoda:And I'm like, whoa, dude, I don't
Jarrod Jahoda:know how that's possible, but so
Jarrod Jahoda:Euro, but that being said, I do
Jarrod Jahoda:support the idea of crit fails.
Jarrod Jahoda:Like I like that idea, uh, you
Jarrod Jahoda:know, in 3.5, like critical
Jarrod Jahoda:failures were definitely a thing.
Jarrod Jahoda:And so were critical successes and five
Jarrod Jahoda:E they've kind of dropped the critical
Jarrod Jahoda:fail part and just kept the success part.
Jarrod Jahoda:But I still use critical fail, but I'm
Jarrod Jahoda:a lot nicer with my critical fails.
Jarrod Jahoda:And that essentially what
Jarrod Jahoda:I do is I do it by level.
Jarrod Jahoda:If you are a levels, one
Jarrod Jahoda:through five, someone is going
Jarrod Jahoda:to take one D four damage.
Lucas:Okay.
Lucas:Yeah.
Jarrod Jahoda:So enough to kind of be
Jarrod Jahoda:annoying, but generally not enough to kill
Jarrod Jahoda:you unless you're a wizard and enrolled a
Jarrod Jahoda:two on your Um, and then it increases so
Jarrod Jahoda:like six through 10 as a D six, a D eight
Jarrod Jahoda:for 11 through 15 and 16 through twenties,
Jarrod Jahoda:uh, D 10, but it's just one die of damage.
Jarrod Jahoda:But what I add to it is
Lucas:Ah,
Jarrod Jahoda:a condition effect.
Jarrod Jahoda:like you could overextend and maybe
Jarrod Jahoda:you overextend by your opponent's
Jarrod Jahoda:sword and you get cut for two points
Jarrod Jahoda:of damage, but then you fall prone
Lucas:Yeah, bad news.
Jarrod Jahoda:and like
Jarrod Jahoda:that ends your turn.
Jarrod Jahoda:Or, you know, if there's like three
Jarrod Jahoda:potential people who could suffer,
Jarrod Jahoda:like if you're an archer and you
Jarrod Jahoda:roll it out, could fling back on you.
Jarrod Jahoda:It could hit the fighter next
Jarrod Jahoda:to the enemy, or it could hit
Jarrod Jahoda:the road next to the enemy.
Jarrod Jahoda:So all three of the players rolled a
Jarrod Jahoda:D 20 and it's a straight luck roll,
Jarrod Jahoda:whoever gets the lowest, gets the ping.
Jarrod Jahoda:And then, you know, that can be like,
Jarrod Jahoda:Hey, watch where you're shooting.
Jarrod Jahoda:And fun.
Jarrod Jahoda:So I believe in the poetry of a
Jarrod Jahoda:nat one, just as much as I believe
Jarrod Jahoda:in the artistry of a Nat 20,
Jarrod Jahoda:but I don't want to be a Dick about it.
Jarrod Jahoda:I just want to be annoying about it.
Jarrod Jahoda:Um, which has a long round of saying,
Jarrod Jahoda:I like the idea of these failure
Jarrod Jahoda:tables, but I think in previous
Jarrod Jahoda:editions they were too aggressive.
Lucas:do you critical
Lucas:fail on skill checks?
Danilo Vujevic:um, no,
Danilo Vujevic:so not in, not okay.
Danilo Vujevic:Let me, let me define that
Danilo Vujevic:for, you know, if they wrote a
Danilo Vujevic:one, but if they still failed.
Danilo Vujevic:Badly which could be on a two or
Danilo Vujevic:it could just be the DC was so high
Danilo Vujevic:that the chances of failure high
Danilo Vujevic:and failing catastrophically as
Danilo Vujevic:high, you know, it's gonna happen.
Danilo Vujevic:And it's probably never
Danilo Vujevic:as hard or as harsh.
Danilo Vujevic:There's no punitive, the most punishment
Danilo Vujevic:it will get is you're trying to run
Danilo Vujevic:leap or dive across a skill check.
Danilo Vujevic:For example, a physical activity
Danilo Vujevic:you full prone is probably as hard.
Danilo Vujevic:You know, you fall on your ass
Danilo Vujevic:because it's kind of half role-play
Danilo Vujevic:ha look at the buffoon, but also half.
Danilo Vujevic:Yes, you're going to have
Danilo Vujevic:to spend five for a moment.
Danilo Vujevic:If we're not in combat,
Danilo Vujevic:that's not really an issue.
Danilo Vujevic:So no one really minds.
Danilo Vujevic:Um, and then for social encounters,
Danilo Vujevic:It's I always tend to run, um, you
Danilo Vujevic:know, nothing's binary in my game.
Danilo Vujevic:So a critical fail quote, unquote,
Danilo Vujevic:isn't going to just immediately turn
Danilo Vujevic:anyone to be like, oh, now I want to
Danilo Vujevic:punch you in the face because humans
Danilo Vujevic:don't really operate like that.
Danilo Vujevic:It takes quite a lot for, to get me
Danilo Vujevic:to want to punch somebody in the face.
Danilo Vujevic:Like we're talking like quite egregious
Danilo Vujevic:things here, not just somebody
Danilo Vujevic:asking for more money off an item
Danilo Vujevic:and then doing it in an awkward way.
Danilo Vujevic:Doesn't immediately make me
Danilo Vujevic:hate that person in this.
Danilo Vujevic:And that's how I try and run my MPCs.
Danilo Vujevic:So it, you know, a critical fail
Danilo Vujevic:would just be like, do you know what?
Danilo Vujevic:Just leave my store please.
Danilo Vujevic:Cause you're wasting my time and not
Danilo Vujevic:whoops, you throw the coin because
Danilo Vujevic:you fell over and you throw it in
Danilo Vujevic:the merchants face and now the guards
Danilo Vujevic:want you is not to me is not, is
Danilo Vujevic:just, doesn't really make sense.
Lucas:You are
Danilo Vujevic:I very much
Danilo Vujevic:subscribe to that train of thought.
Danilo Vujevic:That's like when people say.
Danilo Vujevic:They try and persuade the king, give
Danilo Vujevic:me a crown so I can be king and you can
Danilo Vujevic:make them roll, uh, because although it's
Danilo Vujevic:impossible and you shouldn't really get
Danilo Vujevic:players to roll for things are impossible.
Danilo Vujevic:The outcome is very variable.
Danilo Vujevic:So a 20 plus would be like, ha, you
Danilo Vujevic:can be my court justice because what
Danilo Vujevic:a funny joke you just said, and I'm
Danilo Vujevic:not going to throw you in prison.
Danilo Vujevic:Whereas, you know, D you
Danilo Vujevic:don't hit DC five, which
Danilo Vujevic:typically one tends to not hit.
Danilo Vujevic:Uh, then he's like, you've insulted me
Danilo Vujevic:and you're going in prison for the night.
Danilo Vujevic:Uh, so that, that sliding
Danilo Vujevic:scale, which again, is kind of
Danilo Vujevic:in independent of a one or not
Jeremy Vine:I never really used them.
Jeremy Vine:I felt that that was something that
Jeremy Vine:would, would take away the five.
Jeremy Vine:Um, and critical hits, same sort of thing.
Jeremy Vine:I tend to use those more because
Jeremy Vine:it's such a powerful hit.
Jeremy Vine:I feel that they balance themselves
Jeremy Vine:pretty well, because if you can do a
Jeremy Vine:critical hit, then the monsters can too.
Jeremy Vine:And that's usually why I didn't do it
Jeremy Vine:because if they can have a critical
Jeremy Vine:failure, the monsters can too.
Jeremy Vine:And I don't want my monsters
Jeremy Vine:attacking each other.
Jeremy Vine:I want them to continue to
Jeremy Vine:attack the, um, the party.
Jeremy Vine:Ah, but that really is kind of boiling
Jeremy Vine:down what the critical fail was that
Jeremy Vine:you had a certain percentage of not
Jeremy Vine:only did you not succeed, but something
Jeremy Vine:even worse has happened to you.
Jeremy Vine:And there's also the, um, the
Jeremy Vine:straw dummy test, which is also
Jeremy Vine:again for the critical hit.
Jeremy Vine:Like if you've got someone just attacking
Jeremy Vine:something that can't fight back, what are
Jeremy Vine:the chances of you rolling so poorly that
Jeremy Vine:you actually injure yourself with, uh, a
Jeremy Vine:creature that's not attacking you at all?
Lucas:yeah.
Lucas:So eventually if you are rolling
Lucas:enough dice, and if those dice can
Lucas:critically fail you, there's a non-zero
Lucas:chance and a gradually escalating
Lucas:chance that a straw dummy itself is
Lucas:going to cause you grievous bodily
Lucas:harm through no fault of its own.
Jeremy Vine:I do love these ideas as
Jeremy Vine:myths in game where you might've had
Jeremy Vine:stories about someone who's just so
Jeremy Vine:bad at being a warrior so bad at being
Jeremy Vine:a God that the straw dummy defeated
Jeremy Vine:them because they just went at it and
Jeremy Vine:they just roll that poli that yeah,
Jeremy Vine:the, the dummy has actually caused
Jeremy Vine:multiple wounds to them, um, over there
Jeremy Vine:that little training session, but it
Jeremy Vine:doesn't actually happen to characters.
Jeremy Vine:I feel because these are the thought
Jeremy Vine:experiments of, if we extend the dice
Jeremy Vine:over a certain period, it is theoretically
Jeremy Vine:possible that these things could occur.
Jeremy Vine:In practice, they are
Jeremy Vine:very unlikely to occur.
Jeremy Vine:I mean, again, I do not,
Jeremy Vine:I probability very well.
Jeremy Vine:I'm not a game designer, but I
Jeremy Vine:feel it is a thought experiment.
Jeremy Vine:That's useful when you are looking
Jeremy Vine:at something like a critical failure
Jeremy Vine:table or a critical hit table for,
Jeremy Vine:for that matter, because that is
Jeremy Vine:kind of just the same thing, but
Jeremy Vine:reversed, but it's a lot more danger.
Jeremy Vine:I feel a critical hits tables,
Jeremy Vine:a lot more celebratory.
Jeremy Vine:The people are a lot more
Jeremy Vine:interested in, in seeing a critical
Jeremy Vine:hit than a critical failure.
Lucas:Thanks for listening
Lucas:to Making a Monster.
Lucas:If this episode has entertained
Lucas:or enlightened you in any way,
Lucas:please share it with the people
Lucas:who play D and D with you.
Lucas:Your recommendation will go a
Lucas:long way to helping people trust
Lucas:me with their time and attention.
Lucas:And it's a real gift to me
Lucas:and the creators I feature.
Lucas:You could also leave me a like, or a
Lucas:five star review on Spotify, iTunes,
Lucas:or your podcast player of choice.
Lucas:It's a small thing, but it really does
Lucas:help new listeners discover the show.
Lucas:If you really like what I'm doing,
Lucas:you can support me through The Book of
Lucas:Extinction, a project I'm creating with
Lucas:Mage Hand Press that enables D and D
Lucas:players to make a real difference in the
Lucas:climate crisis and rapidly accelerating
Lucas:mass extinction by telling the stories
Lucas:of the animals that we have already lost.
Lucas:There are already five episodes
Lucas:of Making a Monster about
Lucas:the creatures in that book.
Lucas:So set this podcast feed to newest
Lucas:first and take a journey with me into
Lucas:a world wilder and more fascinating
Lucas:than you probably thought it could be.
Lucas:Special thanks to my collaborators
Lucas:on these exploit monsters episodes:
Jeremy Vine:I'm Jeremy Vine, I'm
Jeremy Vine:a professional dungeon master.
Jeremy Vine:You can find me on social media on
Jeremy Vine:Twitter at Talumin, T A L U M I N,
Jeremy Vine:or you can listen to my podcasts
Jeremy Vine:Tell Me About Your D&D Character,
Jeremy Vine:which is on SoundCloud or D&D and TV
Jarrod Jahoda:My name is Jarrod Jahoda,
Jarrod Jahoda:and you can find me on any podcast
Jarrod Jahoda:platform under Mid-level Adventurers.
Jarrod Jahoda:I'm one half of the creative team.
Jarrod Jahoda:Matt is the other half, or you can
Jarrod Jahoda:catch Matt and I on Nuuli Forged,
Jarrod Jahoda:which is our Twitch stream D&D game.
Jarrod Jahoda:It's a homebrew game set in a
Jarrod Jahoda:post-apocalyptic magical world.
Jarrod Jahoda:And, uh, you can follow us on
Jarrod Jahoda:Instagram, Twitter at mid LVL
Jarrod Jahoda:adventure to keep updated.
Jarrod Jahoda:And we've recently started releasing
Jarrod Jahoda:our podcast episodes on YouTube as well.
Danilo Vujevic:I'm Danilo, the
Danilo Vujevic:host/producer/editor of Thinking
Danilo Vujevic:Critically, a D&D discussion podcast
Danilo Vujevic:where we take a single word or
Danilo Vujevic:topic and discuss what it means in
Danilo Vujevic:the D&D and wider TTRPG framework.
Danilo Vujevic:that has been going on now for almost 65
Danilo Vujevic:episodes and a year and a bit weekly drops
Danilo Vujevic:everything from your esoteric, left-field,
Danilo Vujevic:weird things that you would never
Danilo Vujevic:attribute to D&D all the way to encounters
Danilo Vujevic:and experience, and much more obvious
Danilo Vujevic:topics, including soft skills, such as
Danilo Vujevic:friendship and social and meta things such
Danilo Vujevic:as podcasts, which was a weird itself.
Danilo Vujevic:Naval Naval gazing.
Danilo Vujevic:One to record.
Rebecca Gray:Hello, I'm Rebecca
Steve Myers:and I'm Steven.
Rebecca Gray:And we are from A
Rebecca Gray:House Sivis Broadcasting Eberron
Rebecca Gray:A Chronicle of Echoes podcast.
Rebecca Gray:It's a very different kind of podcast.
Rebecca Gray:We're a little bit scripted, a little
Rebecca Gray:bit improv and a whole lot of fun.
Rebecca Gray:So we hope that you'll stop in
Rebecca Gray:and check us out and find out what