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Break Through Your Mental Barriers to Personal Growth with Adam Jablin
Episode 74 • 18th June 2024 • Own Your Calendar: Aligning Your Business & Life Goals • Stephen Box
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Are you finding yourself stuck in the cycle of wanting change but being terrified to take the first step? Do you double down on your current behaviors rather than stepping out of your comfort zone, convincing yourself it's just easier to stay where you are?

Many of us face this dilemma every day. We long for change but the fear of the unknown keeps us anchored in the same old patterns, and it feels almost impossible to break free. But what if the real pain isn't in the change itself, but in the resistance to it?

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER:

  • How Adam Jablin transformed his life by tackling his fear of change head-on and the spiritual awakening he had along the way.
  • The surprising truth about where the real pain of change lies, and how shifting your mindset can free you from it.
  • Practical, actionable steps you can start today to begin your transformation, no matter how daunting it might seem.

This week on Unshakable Habits, host Stephen Box dives deep with Adam Jablin to uncover the transformative journey from fear to freedom. Trust us—you won’t want to miss a minute of it.

Connect with Adam: https://adamjablin.com/

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Transcripts

Stephen Box:

If the idea of making changes or getting out of your comfort zone

Stephen Box:

sends you into a mental tailspin of what ifs, then today's episode is going to be

Stephen Box:

one you definitely do not want to miss.

Stephen Box:

We are doing part two of our interview with Adam Jablin and we're talking about

Stephen Box:

all things around the fear of change.

Stephen Box:

And that's coming up next right here on Unshakable Habits.

Intro:

The right habits can help you have it all.

Intro:

More time, better health, improved relationships, and less stress.

Intro:

But most people lack the tools to stick with those habits

Intro:

long enough to see results.

Intro:

That is about to change.

Intro:

Welcome to Unshakable Habits with your host, Stephen Box.

Intro:

It's time to take your habits from unsustainable to unshakable.

Stephen Box:

All right, welcome back.

Stephen Box:

This is episode number 74 of Unshakable Habits.

Stephen Box:

I am your host, Stephen Box.

Stephen Box:

And today we are talking about the fear of change with our

Stephen Box:

guest this week, Adam Jablin.

Stephen Box:

this is part two of our interview.

Stephen Box:

So if you missed part one, definitely encourage you to go back.

Stephen Box:

And check that out.

Stephen Box:

But like I said, today we're talking about overcoming the fear of change.

Stephen Box:

And I know this is one a lot of us really struggle with because

Stephen Box:

we get into that comfort zone.

Stephen Box:

It is so much easier to just stay there, right?

Stephen Box:

Than to actually try to change it because changing requires A different

Stephen Box:

mindset requires different skills.

Stephen Box:

It requires a lot of things that sound like a lot of work, so sometimes it

Stephen Box:

just feels easier to stay where we are.

Stephen Box:

Adam, yesterday you were sharing a little bit about your story, about how

Stephen Box:

you were trying to do all the things.

Stephen Box:

You felt invisible.

Stephen Box:

You You went out and you did all these things and it prompted

Stephen Box:

you to try to change, but you didn't actually make a change.

Stephen Box:

You just did more of what you were doing.

Stephen Box:

You kind of doubled down, which I think is something a lot of

Stephen Box:

people can probably relate to.

Stephen Box:

And then you had this intervention and it came at just the right time

Stephen Box:

and ended up sending you into rehab.

Stephen Box:

I want you to take us back to that place because I'm sure in that moment the idea

Stephen Box:

of completely changing The idea of doing something completely different is probably

Stephen Box:

a pretty scary thing to deal with.

Adam Jablin:

It was terrifying.

Adam Jablin:

It was terrifying.

Adam Jablin:

from the ground up, look, alcohol, I had a spiritual relationship with alcohol.

Adam Jablin:

It was spiritual.

Adam Jablin:

Make no mistake.

Adam Jablin:

This wasn't like I like chocolate or I enjoy a cigar.

Adam Jablin:

It was spiritual.

Adam Jablin:

it gave my life meaning and purpose.

Adam Jablin:

I remember the first time I said I'm an alcoholic and an addict, this 600

Adam Jablin:

pound gorilla, jumped off my shoulders and I could breathe for the first time.

Adam Jablin:

And my entire life made sense.

Adam Jablin:

It was like the movie, The Sixth Sense, where in the end, Bruce

Adam Jablin:

Willis finds out he's dead.

Adam Jablin:

And then the movie made sense.

Adam Jablin:

I was like, that's why I got a DUI.

Adam Jablin:

That's why I wrote my wife 30 letters and I'll stop drinking.

Adam Jablin:

That's why I ran over the mailbox.

Adam Jablin:

That's why I almost slipped down the steps with my baby

Adam Jablin:

daughter, wasted after a bath.

Adam Jablin:

Everything made sense.

Adam Jablin:

But then within a second, it went, now what?

Adam Jablin:

How do I watch football with my dad and the boys?

Adam Jablin:

How do I entertain customers?

Adam Jablin:

What do I do?

Adam Jablin:

It gave my life meaning and purpose.

Adam Jablin:

there really is no pain in change.

Adam Jablin:

That's something I would want to stress to every individual.

Adam Jablin:

Our pain is the resistance to change.

Adam Jablin:

Our pain is the letting go process of the old ideas, the

Adam Jablin:

old beliefs, the old habits.

Adam Jablin:

But the actual change itself, there's no pain in.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, guys, if you have the ability to write right now, I'm

Stephen Box:

gonna suggest you write that down, put it on the wall, look at it every day.

Stephen Box:

Change is not painful.

Stephen Box:

It's a mental thing.

Stephen Box:

The hard part is getting yourself to think differently.

Stephen Box:

That's it.

Stephen Box:

I mean that's what it comes down to, right?

Stephen Box:

It's and that's why I think we've seen this rise here lately of a lot

Stephen Box:

of talk about like smaller actions and compounding effects and things like that.

Stephen Box:

And I think the reason why that approach can be so successful for a

Stephen Box:

lot of people is it's not asking you to take the gigantic leap all at once.

Adam Jablin:

No, you bite, you eat an elephant one bite at a time.

Adam Jablin:

As a matter of fact, a lot of times with my clients or my groups, it doesn't

Adam Jablin:

sound like the most, let's jump it down.

Adam Jablin:

Crazy, let's get into the, let's dive in and conquer the world thing.

Adam Jablin:

But I actually tell them to lower the bar.

Adam Jablin:

And the reason is that I want them to prove to themselves that they can

Adam Jablin:

accomplish tasks because we live in a day and an age, especially this era

Adam Jablin:

with social media and reels and Tik TOK and Instagram and LinkedIn and

Adam Jablin:

Facebook and whatever else is coming out.

Adam Jablin:

And now AI that we all actually are dreaming big.

Adam Jablin:

All the time.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah.

Adam Jablin:

We see people our age or younger or older living with, yo, living these monstrous

Adam Jablin:

lives and yo, it's just a clip and it's just a reel and it's done perfectly,

Adam Jablin:

but our dreams get bigger and bigger.

Adam Jablin:

But then what happens is they feel so unattainable because we're not willing

Adam Jablin:

to do those little things that you start becoming a victim and you start

Adam Jablin:

blaming and you start comparing and you become resentful towards the world.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah.

Adam Jablin:

So I always, I lower the bar and I show them, look, we can

Adam Jablin:

accomplish these little small tasks.

Adam Jablin:

And along the way, you're going to grow, you're going to grow.

Adam Jablin:

There may be some dips every now and then you're going to hockey stick.

Stephen Box:

So Adam.

Stephen Box:

when you think about this whole idea of the fear of change, I think, You

Stephen Box:

already hit on one really important point, which is that the change

Stephen Box:

itself is not really painful.

Stephen Box:

it's the letting go of and you hidden your story there about you

Stephen Box:

immediately started thinking like, how am I going to watch football?

Stephen Box:

How am I going to entertain clients?

Stephen Box:

And, these are things that when you really started to think about, I'm assuming

Stephen Box:

that quality time with your dad watching football was really important to you.

Stephen Box:

Extremely.

Stephen Box:

And that, taking out clients and entertaining them is really important

Stephen Box:

for your business extremely.

Stephen Box:

And so those simple little thoughts make it so easy to go back, right?

Stephen Box:

What was it that helped you deal with that discomfort?

Stephen Box:

And what was maybe the turning point that made you realize you didn't

Stephen Box:

actually need alcohol to be a part of those things for them to be successful?

Stephen Box:

So

Adam Jablin:

what happened to me was I really had.

Adam Jablin:

A spiritual experience, which was also at the same time, a complete ego deflation.

Adam Jablin:

And I had two choices.

Adam Jablin:

I could go back and try to be that Adam, or I could go into this new Adam.

Adam Jablin:

Now I didn't know what it looked like.

Adam Jablin:

I didn't know if I had to wear robes.

Adam Jablin:

I didn't know if I had to wear a yarmulke.

Adam Jablin:

I didn't know if I had to be baptized.

Adam Jablin:

I didn't know if I had to do a vow of poverty.

Adam Jablin:

I didn't know what it looked like, but I knew that guy was sober.

Adam Jablin:

And I jumped in with both feet and that is one of my gifts.

Adam Jablin:

And that's also what I try to give to anybody I work with.

Adam Jablin:

When you're singular focus and singular purpose, it makes things a lot easier

Adam Jablin:

when you're teeter tottering it's torture.

Adam Jablin:

So what happened to me was I became so focused.

Adam Jablin:

On what it was going to be to become well that I, rather than, it's a very

Adam Jablin:

cliche saying, I gave up the one thing to have everything rather than giving

Adam Jablin:

up everything for the one thing.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah.

Adam Jablin:

I think that's a great way to phrase that,

Adam Jablin:

but that's what happened with me.

Adam Jablin:

and I try to, I would like to find the right word, but I try to instigate.

Adam Jablin:

Manifest.

Adam Jablin:

I try to create that feeling within my clients.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah, because really what happens is they're divided, and there's something

Adam Jablin:

of the old life that's really still compelling to them, but they're

Adam Jablin:

dying and craving for a new life.

Adam Jablin:

And when I could get them to jump into that new life, then

Adam Jablin:

it's easy, then it's easy.

Adam Jablin:

So it's a letting go.

Adam Jablin:

It's a surrender.

Adam Jablin:

It's an acceptance and it's tunnel vision.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

The word that I think describes that is, ambivalence.

Stephen Box:

Where you have two things that you want and they both seem really appealing

Stephen Box:

and you're stuck between them, right?

Stephen Box:

And you don't really know which direction to go.

Stephen Box:

And I think what you've already hit on here is this idea that the

Stephen Box:

old way is really comfortable, is really easy to go back to, right?

Stephen Box:

You're familiar with it.

Stephen Box:

It doesn't require much thought whatsoever.

Stephen Box:

Most of your habits around it are on autopilot if you just let them take over.

Stephen Box:

And the only way to truly come out of that is to just get like laser

Stephen Box:

focused and be intentional about this thing that you're trying to create.

Stephen Box:

Intentional, Align, Focus.

Stephen Box:

These are great words.

Stephen Box:

So what advice would you give somebody in terms of how to create that laser focus?

Stephen Box:

because you're always going to have that pull, right?

Stephen Box:

There's that pull of go back to what you were into a certain point.

Adam Jablin:

I like to make it really practical.

Adam Jablin:

If I'm working with a client, first, we'll go over the causes and conditions.

Adam Jablin:

And when we're going over the causes and conditions, what it really

Adam Jablin:

does is it highlights the pain.

Adam Jablin:

But now let's also write out why you want to change, where you

Adam Jablin:

want to go, and let's get really focused on what that looks like.

Adam Jablin:

And once we build that vision, we can start backtracking the

Adam Jablin:

steps of how to get there.

Adam Jablin:

It's not going to look exactly the way you want it to.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah, but believe it or not, it's actually going to be better because we're very

Adam Jablin:

limited beings, very limited in our mind.

Adam Jablin:

It will

Stephen Box:

actually look better.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, it's amazing.

Stephen Box:

people talk about some people, like I, myself, I'm a Christian.

Stephen Box:

So I tend to give credit to God.

Stephen Box:

but I know other people might just say like the universe or whatever, but

Stephen Box:

regardless of what your beliefs are.

Stephen Box:

I think there's this undeniable truth that when we start making positive

Stephen Box:

changes and we start moving in, in the right direction, opportunities

Stephen Box:

just seem to open up for us.

Adam Jablin:

Absolutely.

Adam Jablin:

I'm a believer as well, and I'm open, so my God created the universe,

Adam Jablin:

my God created space and time.

Adam Jablin:

But having said that, to find some form of faith or connection to

Adam Jablin:

something higher, many times I'm speaking to clients and they don't

Adam Jablin:

have this language or they don't even have this kind of faith or belief.

Adam Jablin:

I start with things very practical, like even this man, like what we're

Adam Jablin:

doing right now when I was growing up is some Star Wars, Buck Rogers nonsense.

Adam Jablin:

You know what I mean?

Adam Jablin:

we're, this podcast and there are planes that are flying over us right

Adam Jablin:

now and the pilots are not even looking at where they're going.

Adam Jablin:

I know pilots.

Adam Jablin:

They're using nothing but radar solar and they're talking to one another.

Adam Jablin:

You know what I mean?

Adam Jablin:

And there are whales speaking underneath the ocean and there are

Adam Jablin:

whistles that only dogs can hear.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah, there are vibrations all around us.

Adam Jablin:

So to think that our perception.

Adam Jablin:

Our five basic senses can pick up on is all there is ridiculous,

Adam Jablin:

so come to grips that you don't know, you really don't know, and

Adam Jablin:

that will open up eternity to you.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I love that, man.

Stephen Box:

that's really, good.

Stephen Box:

Before we wrap up, for this particular topic, if you were

Stephen Box:

to tell somebody just one thing.

Stephen Box:

Very small thing that they could go out and start doing today

Stephen Box:

to overcome the fear of change.

Stephen Box:

What would you tell them?

Adam Jablin:

Dance with the thing that they're afraid of.

Adam Jablin:

Don't do it.

Adam Jablin:

Don't attack it.

Adam Jablin:

Dance with it.

Adam Jablin:

Dance with it.

Adam Jablin:

I really believe that.

Adam Jablin:

The way we perceive life, the way we perceive life is how we're going to

Adam Jablin:

eternalize and internalize how we do life.

Adam Jablin:

So if you could see, okay, I'm afraid to start that podcast.

Adam Jablin:

I'm afraid to start writing that book.

Adam Jablin:

I'm afraid to put myself out there on social media.

Adam Jablin:

I'm afraid to jump out of an airplane.

Adam Jablin:

I'm afraid to swim with sharks.

Adam Jablin:

I'm afraid to, drive race cars.

Adam Jablin:

I'm afraid you'll make it up.

Adam Jablin:

Whatever that thing is calling you that you've always wanted to do.

Adam Jablin:

Dance with it, look into it, do the first thing, look up where the closest skydiving

Adam Jablin:

place is, or do an indoor one, write, dance with it, write that first paragraph,

Adam Jablin:

don't edit yourself, don't judge yourself, just write that first paragraph, look

Adam Jablin:

into StreamYard or Livestream or whatever, just start dancing with it, look into

Adam Jablin:

it, and allow this thing, cause if you're, if you try to do everything now,

Adam Jablin:

Again, you could feel like the victim.

Adam Jablin:

It could feel too big and it could feel like it's never going to

Adam Jablin:

happen, but a dance is beautiful.

Adam Jablin:

You got it right.

Adam Jablin:

Sometimes fast tempo, sometimes slow tempo, sometimes romantic, sometimes,

Adam Jablin:

very masculine, sometimes very feminine, dance with these goals, dance with these

Adam Jablin:

dreams, none of us are that special.

Adam Jablin:

Some of us are chosen.

Adam Jablin:

No doubt about it.

Adam Jablin:

I'll never be able to explain that Michael Jordan's brothers are all my

Adam Jablin:

height, 5'4 and the greatest of all time was born 6'6 Some of us have a

Adam Jablin:

chosen God given ability, and we all do, but none of us are that special.

Stephen Box:

It still takes effort.

Stephen Box:

And honestly, the fact that none of us are that special is, it's

Stephen Box:

really the best part, right?

Stephen Box:

Because it just goes to show that with the right systems and the right

Stephen Box:

tools, that anybody can be successful.

Stephen Box:

Absolutely.

Stephen Box:

I, my, my favorite now, I agree with you, MJ is the goat.

Stephen Box:

but I grew up a Lakers fan.

Stephen Box:

Start with me, bro.

Stephen Box:

Kobe is my all time favorite player.

Stephen Box:

Okay.

Stephen Box:

Okay.

Stephen Box:

Oh, that's, I'm fine with that.

Stephen Box:

I thought you were going a different direction.

Stephen Box:

no.

Stephen Box:

but, I would, I remember reading about in high school how Kobe would show up two,

Stephen Box:

three hours before the rest of the team and he's in the gym in the dark shooting.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And, even once he was in the NBA, like he would show up and he'd spend an

Stephen Box:

hour doing like basic drills that he's done a million times that he doesn't

Stephen Box:

really need to necessarily practice.

Stephen Box:

But he understood this concept of I'm only as good as I am because

Stephen Box:

I'm constantly reinforcing who I am.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, the basics.

Adam Jablin:

For me, and I think this speaks to Kobe's legacy.

Adam Jablin:

I almost feel like you can't bring up MJ without Kobe and you

Adam Jablin:

can't bring up Kobe without MJ.

Stephen Box:

Yeah,

Adam Jablin:

it was a true passing of the torch.

Adam Jablin:

It really was a 1A and a 1B.

Adam Jablin:

Michael has gone on record saying he worked harder than me.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah, no, so it, but there's something to both the men and both philosophies.

Adam Jablin:

Yes.

Adam Jablin:

Tim Grover went on record saying, the gift about Michael was, is that once he trusted

Adam Jablin:

you, he didn't need to know everything and he knew how to relax and let go.

Adam Jablin:

He had to get away from the game.

Adam Jablin:

He'd have a cigar.

Adam Jablin:

He'd go play golf.

Adam Jablin:

He knew it.

Adam Jablin:

And Colby was mamba mentality.

Adam Jablin:

and they're just one ring difference.

Adam Jablin:

Yeah.

Adam Jablin:

You'll find what works with you.

Adam Jablin:

One is not better than the other.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I, although I would say in this, instance, because we were

Stephen Box:

talking about this overcoming the fear of change, it is probably best to start

Stephen Box:

smaller if that fear exists, right?

Stephen Box:

If you have that fear of change, start small, like Adam said,

Stephen Box:

dance with it, sample it.

Stephen Box:

If you were trying to bring a new meal, You're probably not gonna

Stephen Box:

dive in and start shoveling loads of it into your mouth at one time.

Stephen Box:

You're probably gonna take one little small bite and see

Stephen Box:

if you even like it, right?

Stephen Box:

And that's, I love that advice that you gave of just try it out, see what it

Stephen Box:

feels like, you don't have to go do it, if it doesn't feel like the right fit,

Stephen Box:

but rather than worry about it and stress over it, why not just see what it's about?

Stephen Box:

Get a sample?

Stephen Box:

Dude, let them

Adam Jablin:

enjoy the process.

Adam Jablin:

Let them enjoy the process.

Adam Jablin:

if it could go from fear of change to enjoying the change,

Adam Jablin:

Then the shift happens.

Stephen Box:

Very rad.

Stephen Box:

I love it, man.

Stephen Box:

That's great advice.

Stephen Box:

tomorrow we're going to be talking about kind of the opposite end of the spectrum

Stephen Box:

here, which is the fear of success.

Stephen Box:

And, this is one that I think a lot of people will struggle with

Stephen Box:

that maybe aren't even aware that they're struggling with it.

Stephen Box:

so looking forward to that conversation tomorrow.

Stephen Box:

as always, I want to remind everyone that while none of us are born

Stephen Box:

unshakable, we can all become unshakable.

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