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Carefrontation In The Present Moment: A conversation with Tom Murray
Episode 5224th January 2018 • Practice of Being Seen • Rebecca Wong
00:00:00 00:53:15

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“Our thoughts create our suffering” is not an uncommon idea.  But what does that really mean for our relationships, our past traumas, or the present realities?  In this episode, Rebecca talks with Tom Murray, a sex and couples therapist in Greensboro, NC, about the significance of the present moment, and what it proves about truth and endurance.

Tom tells Rebecca about his “carefrontational” approach with clients and how he helps them to see where they’re creating their own suffering.  They discuss the difference between post-traumatic stress and post-traumatic growth, moving with the flow of life versus living in resistance, how our realities disprove the messaging of our default consciousness, and the differences between intimacy and closeness.  Tom and Rebecca exchange thoughts on selficide, monogamy, and the only deep knowing we can ever really have.


Quoted in the Episode:

The truth always feels light, without exception.  What we get mixed up on is believing that perfect always feels good.  Perfect doesn’t always feel good.  - Tom Murray

I also have to appreciate that my partner’s ability to say No is what gives the Yes it’s meaning.  - Tom Murray

This is the mirroring.  It’s not so much that our partners share something about themselves and we share something back about ourselves, but it’s that in the context of the relationship, I learn about me.  - Rebecca Wong 


Resources Referenced in this Episode:

Byron Katie

Esther Perel 

University of North Carolina, Charlotte on post-traumatic growth

Book: The Art of Intimacy by Thomas Patrick Malone 

Jack Moran


Where to find Dr Tom Murray: 



If you're interested in working with Rebecca Wong, you can find out more about her services here:

1. If you're in New York and would like to schedule a relationship therapy session start here:

2. If you're a therapist and are interested in mentorship with Rebecca, find out more about services offered here:

3. To learn more about Rebecca’s Private Couples Intensive Retreats, start here:

4. And if you want to dive in deeply into building conscious relationship with your beloved consider sharing an experiential gift of deeper connection and intimacy over valentines in our Divine Mirrors: A Valentine’s Couples Retreat Rebecca is co-facilitating at Menla.



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