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Navigating Midlife Nutrition and Lifestyle with Laura Clark
Episode 4 • 13th May 2024 • The Happy Middle with Suzy Darke • Suzy Darke
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In this episode, Laura Clark, a menopause dietitian and food therapist with over 25 years of experience, discusses her holistic approach to helping midlife women navigate the menopausal transition through better nutrition, understanding food relationships, and addressing emotional well-being.

We chat about the importance of contextualising diet within a broader lifestyle perspective, acknowledging the complex factors affecting women's health and habits during menopause, (such as hormone fluctuations and the influence of diet culture) and, of course, Laura's messy middle too.

If you've felt flummoxed by menopause diet culture this is the episode for you!

Episode highlights:

03:09 Understanding Menopause: Symptoms and Dietary Impacts

10:26 Challenging Weight Loss Narratives and Embracing Sustainable Health

25:28 Midlife Transitions: Beyond Diet to Life's Complexities

30:29 Ambition and Balance in Midlife: A Personal Reflection

About You know me!

Instagram: @menopause.dietitian on Instagram

Find out more: Laura's Website

Thanks for listening, please come and say hello over on Instagram and do check out my work online.



This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy

Transcripts

Speaker:

A big welcome to Laura Clark

who's joining us today.

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:

Laura is a menopause dietitian and

a food therapist, and her approach

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combines nutritional science.

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Behavioral therapy, lots of compassion and

a big dollop of humor, if I know Laura.

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She helps clients eat better so

they can feel better and reconnect

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with their bodies and step into

their power during the menopause.

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So there's loads of stuff that we

can dig into around midlife today.

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And I'm really excited

to have you here, Laura.

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Would you mind starting off by

telling us a little bit about

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the work you do and work with?

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Yeah.

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So as you said, I'm a registered

dietitian and I've developed, I

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think into more of a food therapist.

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I have a background in nutritional

science, having qualified as a dietitian

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like 25 years ago or something crazy.

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but certainly the work that I

do now, I think takes a much

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broader, more holistic, approach.

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I think I realized pretty early on in

my career that lots of knowledge about

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nutrition and a smiley face and a diet

sheet, was really only going to go

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so far and you actually realize that

people are beautifully complex and a

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look at the drivers of our habits and

behaviors and beliefs is actually really

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key because it enables you to, yes,

give people nutritional insights, but

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also you're helping them to understand

themselves better, to see how they

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want to navigate their food decisions.

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their relationship with food and

body, as they go through life.

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And I think the happy middle, the

midlife phase that we're both in

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presents an opportunity to take a

deep breath and to consider all of the

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factors that contribute to our food

relationships and body relationships,

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because we have a lived experience now,

and we need to pay attention to that.

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And what kind of things do

people come to you for help with?

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So as we go through the

menopausal transition, there are

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a number of things that happen.

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Those fluctuations in hormones will

cause various symptoms and those symptoms

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can be quite, they can create quite

a lot of panic and fear within us.

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They can make us feel like we're

not quite ourselves anymore.

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We might notice physical change

within our body shape and size.

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We might notice, emotional and mental

changes as we're struggling cognitively

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or struggling with mood fluctuations

or feeling more anxious about things

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that previously wouldn't have fazed us.

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We might have other symptoms, which we've

Googled and discovered that diet may

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play a part in helping us to alleviate.

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for example, things like hot flushes.

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So menopause brings with it a

huge spectrum of, symptoms and

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challenge for midlife women.

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And.

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they present to me with a number of

questions and a desire, to figure

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it all out and get some guidance and

perhaps feel a little bit more steadied.

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I use the term anchors a lot.

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My signature program that works with women

one to one is called the Anchor Program.

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It's all about really looking at

what helps to help us feel more

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grounded and connected and calm to

navigate this phase more successfully.

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And as I say, nutrition and our

relationship with food is a part of

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that, but I help women to put it into

context with other aspects of life, such

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as our communication and the needs of

others that we're constantly trying to

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juggle and navigate, how we move within

our body, how we feel about our body,

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and how we regulate ourselves in amongst

the busy, and the endless to do list.

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it's a practical, authentic, compassionate

conversation that, I bring to the table

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with the women I work with, I think.

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Like reaching this point, those of us

who are in the middle bit now, we're

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in our teens or in our early twenties,

figuring out who we are at that precise

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point when diet culture was horrendous.

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and bodies were, supposed to look a

certain way, and behave a certain way,

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all of us, I remember swimming and all

of that, see like the magazines that I

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used to read and being really, conscious

of what I ate in order to try and attain

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this ridiculous ideal of the body.

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And it feels like even listening to

you speaking about food now, I'm just

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aware that there's more that I could

do for myself in terms of eating in

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a more healthy way to support myself.

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And I've got some kind of resistance

to that just from all the baggage of

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my younger years, dieting was about,

getting smaller, getting bigger.

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Do you find some of your clients

come with similar baggage?

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absolutely.

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I like to talk about it in

a three pronged approach.

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I think that the first part of it.

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is around, yeah, understanding our

body, understanding what it's saying,

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how we interpret its need, how we

make sense of our nutritional need in

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amongst our other needs as a whole.

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the second part of it is what you've

just spoken to, which is our gremlins.

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our baggage, like what do we come into

this phase of life believing and thinking

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about ourselves or food or whatever.

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And the third part is our environment.

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Are we able to advocate for ourselves and

meet those needs and is our environment

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setting us up to win or is it just

making it really complicated and really

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difficult actually to make headway?

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But that second part, the gremlins,

are a massive part of it because

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we have all got a lived experience.

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it starts right from day one in

terms of how food is presented.

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and talked about as we are really

forming these, early beliefs.

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We are hopefully taught by the people

who bring us up the importance of looking

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both ways before we cross the road

Cleaning our teeth of washing these basic

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fundamentals and yet Food is not something

that doesn't come with a conversation.

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It's very rare that it's just allowed

to be food And there's definite

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common theme and the women that

tend to come into my world is that

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there was some really screwed up

narratives, that they absorbed at quite

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a young age within the family home.

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But as you say.

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There was nowhere for them to escape

because they then went out into the world,

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, we were, as you say, bombarded, weren't

we with, with diet culture, although we

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didn't know it to be that at the time.

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Yeah.

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And I'm thinking about like at home

as well, because as parents and, as

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my parents did, like we did all of the

kind of brush your teeth, look both

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ways when you cross the road, eat well.

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But then we might have seen the people

that were putting the food in our plates,

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not having so much on their own, or, etc.

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Yeah, so many different things.

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So what do you mean by that?

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is your environment set up?

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in a certain way.

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Do you mean like where you work or

what's going on in your home or?

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I think it's the appreciation that we are

hugely influenced by, the circumstances

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that we find ourselves in, that by

default, so much of our food behavior

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has to be automated because we have a

lot of other stuff that requires, our

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prefrontal cortex, our human part of the

brain, to actively be thinking about.

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We haven't got literally the

mental capacity to be giving

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such detailed thought to every

single food decision we make.

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So to help us out, our brain will

automate a lot of that behavior.

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And once we start to develop food

habits that in some way benefit us,

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the brain remembers that and that

behavior is then very easy to repeat.

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So I think it's having a really

you know, honest, curious, bigger

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picture look at why do I do what I do?

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And a lot of the conversations I have

might involve chats about partners and

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boyfriends and husbands and children

and people that we naturally spend time

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with because We are tribal animals.

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We are hugely influenced by who we spend

our time with and what they want to

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eat and what they, what they're doing.

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I had a client this morning who was

saying, I don't even want the crisps,

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but they're open because my husband's

opened them and so I'm having them

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and I don't know why I'm doing that

because I don't want to do that.

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it's just that appreciation

that Our environments and how

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we show up in those environments

is a huge part of our behavior.

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yeah.

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I see.

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Yeah.

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And so the work that you do with

women, it's not necessarily that

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they're coming to you because they

want to reach a certain dress size.

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Because we live in a world

that does celebrate thinness.

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We have an absolute black and white

view that we have absorbed, as

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we've said, since we were little,

that fundamentally if we can be

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a bit thinner, that is better.

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The narratives around weight and

health are really complicated, very

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nuanced, and very oversimplified.

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So this is not me saying that in some

cases weight loss improves health.

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But I am saying that weight itself

is not a behaviour, and rather than

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getting distracted by a number on a

scale that we cannot fundamentally

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control, we have to actually look at

the architecture of our day and the

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behaviours that make that day up.

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And for a lot of women, they come

because they want weight loss.

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And I can't give them that.

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I have long since given up on the

principles of I'm going to write you

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a prescriptive diet plan, you're going

to go home and stick it on the fridge,

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and then overnight you're miraculously

going to turn into some robot that

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has no other influences, and literally

just follows word for word everything

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I've written on that diet plan.

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Okay.

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and we assume that you can eat a certain

number of calories and you can adjust

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that and that your body, which is

like so complicated beyond our wildest

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imagination, we still can't really

fathom the intricacies with which our

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body, our human body functions, we're

going to assume that the body is not

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going to adapt, that it's not going

to change, it's just going to go.

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Oh, okay, now we've got 500 calories less.

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we're going to beaver off over

here we're going to, we're going

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to burn those fat stores and

our weight's going to come down.

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it's just not that simple.

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And when we talk about midlife

and menopausal transition,

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we have hormones in the mix.

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And.

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Numerous other things, the symptoms

that we've described about menopause,

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sleep, for example, stress management.

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There are so many other factors

that influence our weight regulation

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that it would be completely

unethical of me to prescribe a diet

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plan and say, yep, there you go.

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That's absolutely going to work.

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Now, we can Google diet plans and

people will listen to this and they

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will say, I, I can follow a diet

and I, it does help me lose weight.

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And yes, of course it does, but

it's the sustainability of weight

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loss that we're after, isn't it?

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We can all lose weight, but can

we maintain that weight loss by

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taking that very dictatorial, I'm

going to prescribe you this and

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you're going to follow it approach?

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I don't think it works, and the

research backs that up, so I will say

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to women, I'm not anti weight loss,

but I believe that there is a deeper

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conversation to be had here about

fundamentally your health and well being.

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I think for me, like I'm interested

in, and I follow you on Instagram and

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see the stuff that you put out there.

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I find it really interesting at

this point now, I think because of

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my massive aversion to any form of

diet culture, like I feel it scares

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me now because of, I guess my past,

eating issues when I was much younger.

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So that bit doesn't interest me at all.

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Like the things that interest me about

your work are like, how could I, how can

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food The way that my brain's working.

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Like how can I eat so that my

memory's better, or I'm not

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feeling so tired all the time.

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those kind of.

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things are, I'm finding

more interesting in midlife.

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How can I re educate myself

around those kinds of things?

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Yeah.

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and that's nutritional

science at its best.

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there is so much that we

can get from our diets.

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There is a balance of foods that can

absolutely support our cognitive function.

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It can help to protect us against disease.

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It can help us to function

well, to feel less tired.

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Absolutely.

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I think the reality, sadly, is that for

a lot of us, we can't just go straight

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to that bit as much as we want to.

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We have to wade through

some of this baggage first.

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And, I have had conversations with women.

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through the tears, saying to

me, I just thought we were

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going to talk about magnesium.

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and I'm there going, absolutely,

magnesium is a really important nutrient

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for menopause, and this is how you

can decide if a supplement is right,

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and this is where you get magnesium

from in your diet, and absolutely,

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let's have a conversation about that.

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But for a lot of women, there's

a bit of groundwork to do first.

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Because I'm feeling like in myself

as well, wouldn't it be amazing

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if like I ate so beautifully and

everything, started to feel a lot

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more grounded and my memory came back.

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And then I just thought, I'm

finding it really hard to stick.

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new, those new kind of healthy,

and there's all that baggage

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stuff there, isn't there?

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There is probably environmental stuff.

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I've got young kids who

love crisps and chocolate.

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And also we have a wellness culture

now that we've never had before.

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you and I remember the eighties and

nineties, which was diet culture.

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but now we have a different culture.

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it's diet culture reinvented as wellness

culture and it's the promotion of food.

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literally being able to do it all, food

is, it's fundamentally not medicine.

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Food is an important anchor within

our needs, but it can't do it all.

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And.

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I just think some people are really

pushing those narratives of no, but

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Susie, come on, if you don't give in

and you do eat this absolutely perfectly

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created concoction of nutrients every

day, you're going to feel amazing.

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Are you, or actually are there other

factors that are going to affect your

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physical and emotional well being?

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So we've got to let food be food.

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It's not going to save the world.

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There's a lot it can do, but we need to.

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give context to that really.

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Yeah, so it's an important

part, but it's a part.

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Yes.

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And you see a lot of it playing out in

people who have diagnosed conditions,

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for example, diabetes, there is this

narrative that they have caused that

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disease and their bad habits have

caused it and they now need to fix it.

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through changing their diet.

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that's a really complicated narrative

to unpick because there's a lot

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of things that happen to us health

wise that are connected to genetics,

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that are connected to aging.

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it's not, again, one dimensional

as people, make it out to be.

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sugar does not cause diabetes.

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and yet there are many people that believe

that they are solely responsible for the

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failure of their health, so to speak.

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it's the headlines, isn't it?

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It's that kind of click baity stuff

that gets absorbed into our psyche.

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I think what you're saying is just

a lot more of self compassion and

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awareness that our bodies are.

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Very complex and and ultimately we

can't control them in that restrictive

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way taught to think that we can.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, and Sorry, I just it just reminded

me there when you were talking about

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you know the fact that we have children

and the fact that our children like

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biscuits and crisps and Do we not also

need to remember about the other side

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of food, which is the cultural, social

connection side, are you genuinely

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going to lie on your deathbed and say,

I really should have eaten less crisps?

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Or are you going to sit there with those

beautifully held memories of, eating

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a bag of crisps on the beach with your

children, it's context, isn't it, to what

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else food is doing for us in terms of,

that joy and connection, which is a huge

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part of, being and longevity in itself.

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this is going to be a big question.

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I don't expect you to give us like

a full, answer, but, considering the

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women that listen to this podcast are,

in midlife at the moment and might be

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feeling lethargy, brain fog, a little

bit out of sorts, what are some of The

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simple adjustments that we could start

to make, like one or two things that we

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could do around the food that we choose,

it could feel a little bit more ourselves.

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Yeah.

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So the first thing I would say is this

is an opportunity with curiosity and

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compassion to do a bit of a diet audit.

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And to ask ourselves the question of are

we eating what we think we're eating?

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Because we lose sight of that

because it's just in amongst

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the mix of the busy, right?

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So the first step is to do a little bit of

food journaling, across a few days and not

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get your red pen out as if you're going to

mark yourself, because as we've said, some

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of the baggage can be that people have,

done MyFitnessPal endlessly or have to

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give food diaries in to, to keep track of.

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finger pointy, judgy

health care professionals.

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So we've got to be a little bit cautious,

we've got to do it with compassion.

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But really just ask yourself,

Ooh, what's going on here?

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what am I eating?

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Because for me to be able to make

suggestions on what will help, really

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depends on someone being able to look

at what they currently do, to then

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see where the tweaks need to be made.

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So for some women who feel chronically

low in energy, A lot of the time that's

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because they're under fueling, so

they're not eating enough carbohydrate.

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There's a lot of scaremongering

about carbohydrates in the

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menopause nutrition space.

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That's another entirely different

podcast, but I would just say that

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the only fuels that the body can

use is either carbohydrates or fat.

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And often we get dragged into the

approaches that are more keto.

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So this notion that we eat.

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little carbohydrate and then we

get all of our energy reserves from

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fat and we burn fat, we eat more

fat, we therefore burn more fat and

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we're in this kind of keto phase.

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In reality, incredibly difficult to

remain in keto, in ketosis, day in,

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day out, particularly if we've got

other mouths that we're trying to feed.

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So it's a bit of a false economy

because what we end up doing.

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is really cutting down on our

carbohydrate, but we still eat

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just enough to not force our

body to go into full on ketosis.

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And therefore we're not really

using any fuel efficiently and we're

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lacking that, that carbohydrate

that our brain is running on and

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that our bodies need to function.

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So understanding carbohydrates,

understanding our carbohydrate

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need and really looking at whether

you're eating carbs and the form

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in which those carbohydrates come.

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Because often we scrimp on them at

mealtimes and then we go to the biscuits.

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that's not going to create regulation

in our blood glucose levels.

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and generally people who are more

regulated in their blood glucose levels.

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who's eating, um, habits, um,

sit within a normal eating range.

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So in other words, they start

eating when they feel emergence

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of hunger, and they stop eating

when they feel comfortably full.

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Those are the sorts of people that

tend to have better energy levels

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and feel like they're thriving.

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The ones that feel like they're dragging

themselves through the day, often the

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first step is to look at, energy levels.

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mismanagement, if you like.

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I can recognize that in myself.

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I tend to, forget lunch.

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And then when I'm starving, I

just eat something really quickly.

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And then, yeah.

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And when we're starving,

we're primitive, aren't we?

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So we're not then going into the kitchen

with this kind of sense of, Oh, what

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would my future self thank me for?

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What would be a healthy, nourishing,

choice that's going to feed my brain?

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And all of this kind of stuff.

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We're like, I need food now.

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and that's purely physiological,

that's purely primitive, and of course

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we have the gremlins that then say,

oh, you're a nightmare, you've got

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no willpower, you can't be trusted.

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I did an Instagram live this

morning, I think I spent half of

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it pitching a sandwich to this

woman, it was like, you need to eat,

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you need to fuel your brilliance.

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Why are we denying ourselves that,

that absolute basic necessity?

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Okay.

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So absolutely, I think that's step one.

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Other, the next step around,

cognitive function and just really

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feeling like we're thriving.

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Sometimes there is a place

where for supplementation.

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there is a huge market of botanical

supplements and various vitamin and

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mineral supplements and sometimes

there, there may be call for those.

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There's certainly some weird and

wonderful claims around some of these.

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adaptogens, so these sort of botanical

ingredients, and some people would

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absolutely swear that they do help them

to feel greater clarity of thought,

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for example, but we need to be a little

bit careful wading into that market,

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spending lots of money on supplements

when we haven't got the foundations of

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our eating right, those are the bricks,

they're not, they're just going to fall

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down if the foundations are not there.

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:

the other nutrient that you will

hear talked a lot about in this

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:

space is protein because we need

to protect our muscle mass and our

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:

bone mass because that really helps

us to function well in old age.

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:

We don't want to fall over and

break a hip, that's going to

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:

decrease our quality of life.

360

:

So our functionality, our functional

fitness as we age is really key.

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:

and protein and other bone minerals

are really important for that.

362

:

But the problem with that piece of advice

is it's being taught to women who have

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:

come from the 80s and 90s and therefore

people are displacing carbohydrates so

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:

they're eating lots of protein but then

because protein actually fills us up quite

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:

a lot we then don't have enough room for

carbohydrate and so we just cut that out.

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:

So that's where sometimes it is

helpful to get individualised advice.

367

:

Because our protein needs are important,

but again, we shouldn't really just

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:

start ranking our protein up if we

don't first have a handle on how

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:

much protein we're actually eating.

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:

the National Diet and Nutrition

Surveys tell us that we, for the

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:

most part, quite easily meet our

basic protein need through diet.

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:

In menopausal women, there's definitely

advantages to eating more protein, but

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:

we've still got to give that context.

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:

We can't just eat bucket loads of

the stuff and forget about, the other

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:

important components of the diet.

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:

It's the same principle, we're

here to talk about midlife and

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:

we've done loads of stuff around

food and nutrition and things.

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:

But, let's.

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:

move now to thinking a little bit more

about the other parts of, the middle bit.

380

:

And, can I ask you, what your

experience of it has been so far?

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:

I'm chuckling because obviously You and I

have come together in a coaching capacity.

382

:

So I think you, have a sense of perhaps,

how, badly I've navigated some of midlife.

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:

I think it just presents real challenge

around prioritization, doesn't it?

384

:

How do we decide where we put our

focus and what should be prioritized?

385

:

take our attention and how do we

get that balance because I'm hugely

386

:

ambitious in the work sense, but I

also have children that I am incredibly

387

:

proud of and want to do well by them.

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:

And I find personally that those two

things are buttheads all the time.

389

:

And despite, excellent coaching from the

likes of Susie Dark, I don't think I still

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:

have quite made peace with that challenge,

and, how we get that balance right.

391

:

I think us as a generation is

really figuring this stuff out.

392

:

It's quite new to be balancing

careers as, as well as motherhood.

393

:

and that's probably where I feel like.

394

:

I trip up the most,

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:

Yeah.

396

:

And I would add that I don't think

I've come across a single woman

397

:

who is caring for, either children

or, older people, older relatives.

398

:

Just trying to do something

career wise that has not been.

399

:

is not struggling with the

tension between those two things.

400

:

Yeah.

401

:

and I see that all the time in the

women that I work with and absolutely

402

:

that sort of sandwich parenting is

very much on the horizon, for me as

403

:

well, which, makes me very nervous,

there's not a lot of room left.

404

:

So where's that going to come, what's

going to give, to allow that to happen.

405

:

and I suppose I feel.

406

:

very lucky that when it comes back to

our coping strategies and our, our habits

407

:

and behaviors that when I look at my

own food relationship and baggage and

408

:

all of that kind of thing, there isn't,

there aren't too many gremlins there.

409

:

I was very fortunate to have

a very normal, quote unquote,

410

:

upbringing around food.

411

:

I was allowed to find my own way with

food and what felt right for my body.

412

:

All of my clients, most of my clients,

were not given that privilege.

413

:

We all have a coping strategy, don't

we, in midlife, and mine might not be

414

:

the biscuit tin, but it sure as hell is

plenty of other things that, need work

415

:

and need unpicking and understanding.

416

:

it's that recognition, isn't it, that we

are beautifully flawed and we're trying

417

:

to find what works and what's helpful,

I'd just like to go back a little bit to

418

:

what you said about this tension between

the caregiving role that we find ourselves

419

:

in within the sandwich generation

and The work that you want to do.

420

:

And I think what I'm interested in,

is that piece of the ambition and the

421

:

hopes that you have for your work.

422

:

We're not just talking about the

logistical dramas between the working

423

:

day and fitting that around caring

responsibilities, you know, or,

424

:

a kid being off sick or a parent

being rushed up, into hospital

425

:

to, you know, juggle the work.

426

:

There's actually something

around, a desire.

427

:

to be doing something important

and meaningful and how that

428

:

butts heads against the other

pieces of who you are as a human.

429

:

Absolutely, because I think the day to

day reality of feeling purposeful in that

430

:

stuff is that you also have to feel heard.

431

:

And I think that's the bit I find the most

challenging, that I can't, I don't feel

432

:

heard as much as I want to feel heard.

433

:

Because to do that requires hours and

hours of either content creation or clever

434

:

marketing strategies or investment in

things that will help me to leverage.

435

:

and that's where the

tension comes from, I think.

436

:

And also just the fact that we, as female

business owners, we are the faces of

437

:

our business and so to put your face out

there on some days feels really hard.

438

:

You don't have the capacity,

if you like, to do it.

439

:

And yet if you don't do it, you don't

get heard and you can't fulfill your

440

:

purpose or what to be your purpose.

441

:

so there's a constant tussle,

with how you manage that.

442

:

And as you say, the physical logistical

stuff is tricky, but it's manageable.

443

:

I think it's more the emotional

load that I take on that sometimes

444

:

seems to weigh too heavy.

445

:

Do you feel like your ambition has

changed as you've got into midlife?

446

:

the hopes that you have for your business

and the work you do, has it changed?

447

:

And if it has, how?

448

:

Yes, it's changed because my

background is clinically NHS.

449

:

And in that instance, you're working

within a really well respected

450

:

organisation, you're following

procedures and protocols, you are

451

:

serving the great British public and

you feel like you are essentially

452

:

giving your expertise for free.

453

:

That's essentially the model of the NHS.

454

:

So it's a very different switch to

then go into freelance consultancy

455

:

where you're charging for your time and

expertise and you're wanting to broaden

456

:

the way in which you work because what

I love about working for myself is that

457

:

my nutrition knowledge and my, my skill

shows up in lots of different ways now.

458

:

It's not just purely working one

to one with people clinically.

459

:

But my draw, my, yeah, how I see my

business is has completely evolved

460

:

because I've now got more lived

experience and I see potential in what

461

:

I'm doing and where I want to take it.

462

:

I feel I've got direction now.

463

:

I didn't have direction when I was in

my early thirties because I had really

464

:

small children, less time, and I was

very reactive to what came in my inbox.

465

:

And I don't feel like that now.

466

:

I feel like I have got direction.

467

:

I know where I'm going and I feel like

I want to just get there as quickly as

468

:

possible before something trips me up.

469

:

Yeah.

470

:

And I think if we're really honest, I

think that I just fear, some of the big

471

:

challenges that are still to come in my

life and how I'm going to handle those.

472

:

And I know that work inevitably for

chunks of time will be taking a big toll.

473

:

big backseat.

474

:

And, therefore I want to get

as far down the line with it

475

:

as I can, before that happens.

476

:

That's, that's probably the

deep truth of it, if I'm honest.

477

:

Trying to get to a place of safety, where

you feel, That desire, I think that all

478

:

of us have to bulletproof everything

and make sure that we're ready for it.

479

:

We're ready for whatever

life's got to throw at us.

480

:

Yeah.

481

:

And also just the commitment

that you make to the life that

482

:

you want to give your children.

483

:

And what, financially, what commitment

that brings and those sorts of things.

484

:

I know I have a little card on my desk.

485

:

that says it's okay if it takes time

and I know that it is okay if it takes

486

:

time, but it doesn't mean I don't

have a desire for it to have momentum.

487

:

Absolutely.

488

:

Okay.

489

:

So we've looked at maybe you're

the messy bit of your middle.

490

:

Yes.

491

:

Definitely.

492

:

So what might a happy

middle look like for you?

493

:

what does it feel like when

things feel balanced and good?

494

:

And what would, what are

you looking forward to?

495

:

what kind of.

496

:

happy midlife do you want

to create for yourself?

497

:

I think I've learned that my

happy middle comes from flexing

498

:

that self compassion muscle.

499

:

I know for a fact that my inner

critic has at times been very

500

:

judgy and very irritated with me.

501

:

and that does fundamentally

make me feel more drained and,

502

:

lacking in the energy to continue.

503

:

And when I reflect on the good

days, They are the ones where I am

504

:

happy with what I have achieved.

505

:

I'm able to almost redefine

what success looks like today.

506

:

and it might not have been all of

the things on the to do list, but

507

:

it, you know what, it's enough.

508

:

and it has facilitated me to then do

all of the other things that I do.

509

:

I know that there are, plenty

of women that will listen to

510

:

this who don't have children.

511

:

For those of us that do, we have

another full time job that for me

512

:

starts at about, five to five and

I've got to do that one with as much

513

:

gusto as I've done the other job.

514

:

And I think the happy middle for

me is feeling that I have managed

515

:

to achieve that balance and that

I've still got something left

516

:

to give at the end of the day.

517

:

Yeah.

518

:

Nice.

519

:

So a lot of compassion,

a sense of enoughness.

520

:

Yeah, the feeling of balance as well.

521

:

Yeah, I think the sense of

enoughness and it's not that I

522

:

genuinely don't think I'm enough.

523

:

I just battle with the,

but I could be more.

524

:

I think that's the thing.

525

:

I don't have low self worth.

526

:

I think I'm a good egg.

527

:

I do my best.

528

:

it's not that driving

myself into the ground.

529

:

It's just that I'm excited for

what else I have the potential for.

530

:

And it's tough when you feel like your

wings are clipped, Yes, I hear you.

531

:

And it feels like a really beautiful

metaphor, for where lots of us find

532

:

ourselves There's this real sense that

there's more, and I want that more,

533

:

which battles with the, but look what

I've already got, and yeah, enough

534

:

to like, I think we can be in both

of those places at the same time.

535

:

Yeah.

536

:

And we are made to feel guilty, aren't

we, I think, with this sense of,

537

:

Gratitude is a huge topic, isn't it?

538

:

At the moment, we are encouraged

to counteract that negative bias

539

:

by having a gratitude practice and,

really homing in on what matters

540

:

and what we have and not constantly

suffering with the grass is greener.

541

:

I'm very mindful of that.

542

:

and I don't ever want to feel

ungrateful for what I have.

543

:

And I think it leads to like grateful

girl syndrome where we just have to

544

:

be like, just okay with everything.

545

:

We can't.

546

:

Yeah.

547

:

It's almost like selfish to want more.

548

:

It's a toughie, isn't it?

549

:

It does jar a little bit with there's

something that, that sits uneasy there.

550

:

I don't want people to feel

like I am being a spoiled brat.

551

:

Yeah.

552

:

And, we get to this point where we are

in many ways at the peak, we've got

553

:

all of this experience and knowledge.

554

:

we've still got drive.

555

:

When we can muster it, we're

still at that point and we're,

556

:

peak kind of family as well.

557

:

we're the linchpin of the family as well.

558

:

I feel, it feels like a natural point

where, and say, I want more and be

559

:

able to say, do you know what, there's

a lot more in me to give and what

560

:

might that look like and where can

I, what can I go and explore that?

561

:

I think it's definitely a good thing.

562

:

and I also think it sits

along that side that, Okay.

563

:

Also, I don't need to be that person.

564

:

I don't need to be more if I

don't want to be, the two feel

565

:

incongruous, but actually I think

they go together quite beautifully.

566

:

yeah, I think you're right.

567

:

so before we finish our beautiful

conversation, Laura, if people

568

:

want to find you, find out a bit

more about you, where would you go?

569

:

So I am on Instagram at menopause.

570

:

dietitian and that's dietitian spelt

with a T and you can find lots of

571

:

Resources and information on my

website, which is themenopausedietician.

572

:

co.

573

:

uk There are tools on there that, as

I said, are free to download and also

574

:

an opportunity to come into my Pause

to Nourish community which will give

575

:

you access to even more free resources.

576

:

masterclasses and my weekly

newsletter and just that kind of

577

:

dose of compassion and realism as we

navigate this messy food landscape.

578

:

so it would be wonderful to

have anyone along for the ride.

579

:

And we'll put links on the show notes

for this as well, so people can find you.

580

:

Thanks for having me.

581

:

Thank you.

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