Are you a mom struggling to find your identity outside of motherhood? Do you feel like you've lost sight of who you are and what you want to do with your life? 

Many moms, including myself, have gone through the same struggles and come out on the other side. We don't have to sacrifice our dreams to be good moms, we just have to prioritize the important things in our lives and focus on those things first. 

Tune in to find out how to identify the "big rocks” in your life, make time for yourself, and become the person you want to be in all areas of life.

[1:20] The #1 struggle that I hear from the Momma has goals community.

[2:50] How can you find an identity outside of mom?

[4:30] What can you do to find your identity while still maintaining your motherly identities?

[6:00] Focus on the big important things in your life first, and that should help free up time to fit in the smaller things that just need to be done but may be less fulfilling. 

[7:25] Identifying the big rocks in your life that are important to you

[9:50] Figuring out what it means to be you, wholly.

Video: A Valuable Lesson For A Happier Life: https://youtube.com/watch?v=SqGRnlXplx0&si=EnSIkaIECMiOmarE

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Kelsey Smith 0:00

Who are you? Who are you outside of your titles? Who are you in your titles? What actions are you going to take today? This week this year in each of those titles

Kelsey Smith 0:18

Welcome to mama has goals, your weekly reminder that you shouldn't have to sacrifice your dreams to take on the role of mom. I am Kelsey Smith, mom of two boys, wife, an entrepreneur who's passionate about helping other moms current and aspiring to reimagine mom life. I'm bringing you the resources, support and relatability to debunk that limiting belief that you may have about your ability to achieve your goals while raising a human. We're covering everything from mom guilt, marriage, relationships, careers, finances, mental health, physical health, you name it, your life doesn't have to fully shift once you become a mom, you can have it all. And we'll show you how.

Kelsey Smith 1:16

The number one statement that I hear from members of the mama housecalls community is at one point in time, they haven't known who they are outside of motherhood, the number one conversation that I hear is I lack an identity of me. I don't have my own thing. I don't even know what I would do with free time if I had it. Now, I can totally understand why this happens. But I do believe that there is a large part of us that maybe didn't know that motherhood doesn't take that from us. But we start to question it at some point in time. We go through the seasons of survival and operating becoming new to mom life to then saying, Okay, I've found myself in this and what am I outside of it. That might happen for you, when your kids are a year old? That might happen for you when they're 18 or older. But at some point, you may pop your head out of the motherhood world and go, Hey, who am I outside of this? And if you're not a mom yet, you may wonder, Am I going to lose myself? Am I going to be able to be me still? What does it mean to be me? And mom, I believe that it just requires you asking yourself that question on a regular basis? And identifying who you do want to be outside of mom? What does that mean? And how can you do it? And how can you be curious? So I just want you to think about that for a minute. Who are you outside of the other titles that you carry? Because so often we meet someone and they say so tell me about you. And you say, Well, I'm a wife and a mom and a business owner. This is my job. This is what I do. Yep, this is where I'm from. And those are great things about you. But you are a holistic person, that is those things and more. Who are you? Who do you want to be? What do you want to step into? What are the decisions that you want to make? What are the activities that you want to try out? What are the things that you want to do the people you want to meet? Who do you want to be and who are you do you know? And if you don't give yourself the opportunity to have some time to think about this, you don't give yourself the opportunity to go try things out. You won't know. Well, how do you do that when you're in the depths of motherhood, and you're super busy, and there's not enough time to even fold laundry, let alone find time for you. It's so hard, but you got to do it. You got to try out a couple things. Because here's the thing, if you're just focusing on laundry and kids and bills and dishes and work, there isn't a lot of space for you, outside of those titles and responsibilities. And if you don't make time for you, you're gonna lose you, you're gonna lose who you are. So you have to set aside even if it's 510 minutes, that here's another way to look at it to what can you do well, you do some of those titles. This is why I love podcasting. This is why I come on to podcasting. This is why when I had the opportunity to create a podcast, I was like, we have to do this for the mama housecalls community because it was one of the first ways I was able to find different versions of myself. In more people alongside all the other titles I currently had, because I still had to get the dishes done, and they still had to fold laundry. But I could pop in headphones into my ears while I did that, while I went for a walk while I was driving to work, but how else can you redefine yourself? How else can you find yourself? I think going outside, and having some mental space is a huge way to do that. You've heard me talk about this before. This is not something that comes supernatural to me. But it's important, I will tell you firsthand, it makes a huge difference. If you can find five minutes, minimum, five minutes minimum a day, that you can just be silent with yourself. That doesn't mean podcast music, those are some of my favorite things. But I mean complete silence. And five minutes truly isn't enough for the long haul. But if that's where you need to start, then start there. Start with baby steps. And you might not even have little humans that are taking up your time right now. But you're filling it with something else. I don't know if you guys have ever heard the analogy of I believe it was a science professor. And he's explaining this analogy to his students where basically, he's adding, um, you'll have to look up the analogy, I'll link a video to it in the show notes. But you basically if you're filling a jar, and you put all the sand inversed there's no room for rocks, or anything else to go into that. But if you put rocks in first, then you could put the sand and pebbles and marbles and all the other things this man puts in this jar in also, well how does that work? Well, if you fill your day, and you fill your time and your brain and your schedule, with the most big important pillars first, then you can fill in the little things. But if you just constantly, you're doing all these little things, and you're not making time for the big things, and you're not setting up the most important items, then there's no time to be able to put the big things in once all the other little things are there. So you have to make time to figure out what your big things are. What are your big rocks rather than your sand? What are the big things that you're sitting there? And you're saying, Okay, I know that my ability to find out something fun for me is really important in this season. That's one of your big rocks. If you say I know that spending time as a family in this way is really important to me. There's another big rock, my career, my job, my business, whatever it is that's important to you maybe is keeping your home a certain way. Those are your rocks. And then what is the sand that goes around it? And your sand, maybe someone else's rock? There, it's not gonna look the same for everybody. Your priorities are yours. They're not anyone else's. Your goals are yours. They're not anyone else's. But what are they identify him and work towards them? And let's do it together. When you think about who you are, who are you? When I say this to myself, I say Kelsey, who are you? What does it mean to be Kelsey, if you've been listening for a little bit? You know, this question came to me after I woke up in the emergency room. And I sat there and said, You know what, if someone had to explain me to my son, because he wasn't old enough to remember me when this happened, what they say? Would they say who is Kelsey? What is Kelsey was Kelsey stand for? What does she like to do? What's important to her? What lights her up? And thinking about it in that way? really hit home for me? And maybe it will for you too. And I had no idea. When I went to answer those questions. I knew a couple things. Like I knew some of the sand, but I didn't really know the rocks. So I got really busy figuring out my rocks. I was like, I don't know where to start, I have no idea who to go to. And I really wished that there was a really cool app and web platform like wow, school, that I could go and find these people and these resources. That's why it exists now. But truly sitting there and saying, Okay, what are some of the things I want to learn about what are some of the things that light me up? Maybe you want to go on big hikes, maybe you want to learn how to sail maybe you want to take up art, maybe you've always wanted to learn how to navigate a spreadsheet better. It could be anything, but what are some of the things you want to try out and who do you want to be read a fiction book read a nonfiction book, whatever lights you up, in really dabble into just like what does it mean to be you

Kelsey Smith 9:55

and what does it mean to be you wholly, which means you also want to enjoy I suppose titles and seasons, right? So focusing on who you are so important, but also how do you want to show up for those other people? How do you want to be a mom? What does it mean to be you as a mom? What does it mean to be you as a friend? What does it mean to be you as a daughter or a sister? What does it mean to be you as a wife or a partner? What does it mean to be you as a business owner and employee showing up and all your different ways or pieces to the puzzle of who you are, and you get to prioritize them. I recently sent a voice note to a friend and she sent back a message something along the lines of I don't know how you have time to send these things. And I then didn't respond to her for four and a half days, because I forgot and didn't have the mental capacity or time. And that's exactly what I shared with her afterwards, I said, You know what, in the moment, I know what my big rocks are, and my choices that I want to make, and I make sure to show up in that way. But sometimes it doesn't always happen. But I know who I want to be as a friend. And I try my best to show up that way as a friend, but it doesn't always happen. And if I know who I want to be as me as a whole, I might not show up for myself the best way all the time. But I catch it, I look for opportunities to improve it. And I work towards it. I may not always show up as the best mom. But I know the pillars of what being a good mom feels to me. And I'm going to keep trying to hit those. I'm gonna keep trying to show up my best for my business or my job or my partnership. And that's what you have to identify for you. So think about it. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you outside of your titles? Who are you in your titles? What actions are you going to take today, this week, this year in each of those titles. I am sending you so much love mama. I cannot wait to hear how you are going to re Identify yourself who you are outside of motherhood, what your identity is how you're going to refine yourself in this next chapter in this next season. And as always, if you need help or support, I'm here. That's what model has schools is all about. For you to receive those support and the resources that you need not just from me, but from our community and our expert resources. Because you should not live one more day feeling that you are anything less than all of you. Hi, Mama. See you next week. Hey Mama, I want to make sure you know about this really epic opportunity we have going on right now for you to win a woman own product to celebrate Valentine's Day and Women's History Month from February 13. Through the end of March for Women's History Month. We are giving away a woman's own products every single day in our free phone app. All you have to do is go to your app store type mama has goals, M O M M A has goals, download the app, say hello to the community in the main activity feed group and you are up to win one of our epic giveaway prizes 46 different opportunities. So tap in say hello and see what you win.