Episode summary introduction:

Join TC & Maddog as they take you on a journey of self reflection towards self love & the necessity of being comfortable in one's own skin. We explore the notion that no individual should traverse the complexities of life in solitude, as companionship and shared experiences are vital to personal growth. 

Throughout this episode, we delve into the essential qualities of self-love and the importance of nurturing one’s self-esteem, emphasizing that a true friendship with oneself lays the foundation for deeper connections with others. 

Moreover, we reflect on the challenges presented by societal expectations and external judgments, advocating for a journey of introspection and self-discovery as a means to foster resilience. Join us as we embark on this insightful exploration, aiming to illuminate the path toward a more fulfilling and authentic existence.

Topics discussed in this episode:

In this enlightening episode, TC & Maddog embark on a thoughtful exploration of the significance of self-acceptance in the journey of personal development. They articulate the premise that the foundation of healthy relationships lies in the ability to be comfortable within oneself. The hosts engage in a candid discussion, reflecting on their own experiences and the societal influences that shape self-image. They emphasize the necessity of recognizing one’s strengths and weaknesses without the detrimental lens of self-judgment. The dialogue navigates through various themes, including the impact of social media on self-esteem and the importance of fostering a supportive environment for self-exploration. Listeners are encouraged to embark on their own journeys of self-awareness, with practical tips provided for cultivating a positive self-image. The episode concludes by reinforcing the notion that embracing one’s true self is not only liberating but also essential for nurturing meaningful connections with others.

Walkabout takeaways:

• The importance of being comfortable in one's own skin cannot be overstated, as it fosters self-acceptance and emotional well-being.
• We must recognize that being our own best friend is a prerequisite for forming healthy relationships with others.
• Self-criticism is a common human trait, yet it is essential to focus on our positive attributes and contributions to the world.
• Engaging in self-exploration through activities such as travel can enhance our comfort in diverse environments and promote personal growth.

More about E-Walkabout:

To learn more about Electronic Walkabout visit us at   www.ewalkabout.ca.

If you want to read more “Thoughts of the Day” check out TC’s Book at Amazon:

“St. Mike's Fortunes”

A special thanks to Steven Kelly, our technical advisor, who keeps trying to teach these old dogs new tricks when it comes to sounds and recording!!

“Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you!”

Electronic Walkabout. No one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times.

Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Maddog are here to show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us.

The Electronic Walkabout.

Well, good afternoon, Mad Dog, and welcome to the studio today.

Thank you, sir.

Okay, to set the stage for this journey, I want you to. I want to start with a personal question, if you don't mind.

Of course. That's on open book.

How well do you like yourself?

Pretty well. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I like, I think. Oh, that's. Geez, God, you go deep quick. I'm overall very happy with same excuse

I say don't think too hard.

Yeah, no, that, that's almost impossible. But I would say very happy.

Okay, well good. Because the point is that we really have to learn to be our own best friend before we can be a friend to anyone. If that makes sense. Okay.

This means learning to be comfortable in our own skin. We're going to talk about what that means. Join us as we look for answers on this journey.

Then will make us realize we've had our own very own best friend living inside ourselves. Good with that. A friend we need to get to know and appreciate.

Of course. True.

So, and I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm not joking about like the positive affirmation where you live here. I'm, I'm good. I'm damn good or something.

I mean, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me, and they do.

Maddog. But first, as always, a thought for the day time. It is always borrowed until you give it to someone else.

Ooh, I like it. I gotta record all these gems in one series.

I'll just give you one. I'll give you the book. Yes, please.

Thank you.

Thank you. No worries. Okay, so what, what does it mean to be comfortable in your own skin to start with? I mean, it's a good place to start.

I think everybody inherently is probably self critical, right. Because you know, you covet what you've seen.

If you're surrounded by beautiful people all the time, you might look at yourself in the mirror critically or don't know what the case may be. But I think we're too hard on ourselves sometimes.

We're our own worst critic for sure. Yeah.

So we have to kind of take the critic away and look at the positive things that we, we bring I'll say bring to the world or more importantly, bring to ourselves. Here's a, here's a crazy question and I, and I, I don't know what the answer is going to be.

We're going to try this, but how old should you be to appreciate the importance of being comfortable in your own skin? That's a tough one and I don't want to go deep on it, but it's just a practical question. But like, when do you realize that, hey, wait a second.

Because everybody wants to have a friend or two, everybody wants to be, I'll say wanted, loved, appreciated, because that's, I think that's just human nature.

But there, there comes a time where, where you have to really be comfortable with yourself from a confidence point of view, from a personal development. So is there a magic age?

Or like I would say no, I think it comes to people at different times in their life.

That is an interesting question though, because I would assume it would be a, a little bit, not later on, but probably well in your 20s or 30s when you're maybe becoming a little more self aware or I think if you're younger you might just be in the moment all the time and not looking at things critically.

Yeah, there's some people I know at my age that are always living in the moment. Any. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, I don't know. Like I, I mean, but it, if, if you think about it, you really like.

Because there I used to have these conversations with my daughter and she wanted to have a boyfriend, a partner or whatever and she, you know, like she'd get upset and stuff I said, but you have to understand, you have to like yourself first.

And then once you're comfortable, you can go anywhere and be any crowd and it doesn't matter who's there, who's judging you because you're comfortable. And it doesn't matter if they don't like it too, too bad.

I think it's probably harder now for this generation than ours because you know, you think back in the day where it was like young girls are being shown through media and in those days the media was a magazine or, or something as to should look this way or you should be this thin and whatever.

I can't imagine nowadays with social media and the onslaught of information, advertising, social influencing that it would be hard for people to truly, you know, who they are, be like themselves because there's so much in their face all the time that's a comparable.

But the comparables are all over the map these days too, right?

So true. And you know, hopefully people realize that, you know, social media is just a very quick snapshot into somebody's life that's not their whole life.

Right.

They could have a beautiful picture and then 30 seconds later being crying in a corner in a room, like, you just never know.

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Getting back to that question I asked you, do you like yourself?

Which really I'm asking, are you comfortable in your own skin for the most part in every environment? Like, yeah, yeah.

I think, you know, maybe we get to a point in our life where we try to be a better person. Not that we weren't, but maybe you just to your point, like, you want to like yourself a little more so you might change habits or whatnot.

The point where like me personally when I get frustrated is my weight because it's like I don't put a lot of focus on me. I prefer to focus on my family and my wife and stuff like that. But so, so that's a, it's a frustrating thing, but it's self motiv, it's self done.

Like, I don't, I don't blame anybody else for it and it's not an excuse, but that would be what the one frustration is about, how act towards people and view myself as a dad and stuff like that. I'm a thousand percent happy. So I think everybody has that in them.

There's probably a, a great deal of people like certain things about themselves, but there's probably always something you can think that you could work on or.

Yeah, I, I think that's fair.

But just getting back to the, the, the weight situation because of course I've lived in that glass house for years and years and I'm finally, now that I'm retired, saying, okay, I want to do something about it. And I've just taken the talk that I, I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

If I, if I, let's say if I was on a diet at a cheat day or if I missed the day at the gym, I'm, I'm just going to be consistent because you can't go from one extreme to the other and you can't make up for lost time. But at the end of the day, if you take a few pounds off, maybe they give you a few extra years on this lovely planet for sure.

But, and it's, you know, it's, we're, we're taking this next opportunity with this next chapter to, you know, really be selfish about our thoughts and just because we've, you know, for 34 years there's been children in our house and now there isn't. So there, there isn't any other focus other than us. So it's like, okay, let's, let's do this now. We can truly.

Because I don't know, I think sometimes as a parent you get a little bit of guilt if you're not like.

And I don't know if it was guilt, I don't know if that's the way to put it, but everything in my world when I was a parent, surrounded around my kids, my family, so me per se.

Yeah. So your priority wasn't you.

Correct.

Okay, correct.

So that's maybe where that either criticalness or happiness would come from.

But then when the priority does become you, I think there's an element of the guilt that kind of walks in through the door that shouldn't be there as well. True. Yeah. So I don't, I don't.

And if you would just somehow be comfortable with, with looking after yourself and getting to know yourself really, really well. Your likes, your dislikes and, and not, not to be afraid to tell people, well, no, I don't, I don't like doing that.

Or for that matter, I'm afraid of heights or I can't, can't stand flying or whatever it is. Then when you're ver. And you're saying okay, even with those things I have, I'm okay with that. Yeah. So yeah, I agree.

I think we're always self analyzing and self critical.

To a point though to, to a fault I would suggest for sure. But just going to throw it out there. What is the value of getting to know yourself? Like where, what are the positive things that come out of that?

I think overall state of mind, just from a stress standpoint and because if you're good with where you're at and you're comfortable with what you're doing and who you are, that might alleviate a little bit of blood pressure.

Okay. Any. Anything else that comes to mind with that?

I guess maybe just how you look at the world in general. Like if you're not always either comparing yourself to other people or thinking, oh, I wish I had that or I wish I would have done that.

And you're just happy with who you are and you're in the moment. You just think you might have a more of a peaceful or relaxed state of mind.

Okay, okay, relax. Peaceful state of mind is saying, okay, I'm nothing to get excited about here. I'm quite happy with who I am.

Self development does that, that play a Part in it too, does.

Because if you feel like you're scratching a knee to better yourself and, and you're. You're putting effort into that, I would. There'd be a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment for yourself.

It's. It's funny, the gym that I go to, there's these little. I'll call them positive affirmations. One of those, congrats, you were here. It's.

It's like the fact that you walk through the door, give yourself a pat.

On the back, and I think we get stuck in our own. Like, you know, when I go to the gym now, I'll walk in there and I'm like, in my brain, I'm thinking, I'm still 24. I'm like, no, you are 54.

You're not that same person. You can't expect that. You can do things at that level that you did before, but you know, again, you're there and you're trying.

So that's all that credit for that.

So it's. It's those things. And I guess that that kind of brings up my. Next point. Does being comfortable with you make you immune from judgment?

So being comfortable in your own skin does this?

I don't think it makes you immune per se, because everybody will still judge you, but how much you internalize that or make it your reality is probably not as great.

Self judgment play a part in that too, do you think?

Because if really, at the end of the day you worried about what people are thinking, then all of a sudden you're worrying about what you're thinking about yourself as well.

So that absolutely has an impact.

So how do you stop that? I don't know.

Is there a magic pill you can take or. I really don't.

Are we talking a happy pill? Oh, is it? I don't know.

There are those. Yeah, there are those, but I don't know. I think that there's.

You might need to go on a journey of self exploration to figure those types of things out.

And we had talked about in a previous episode if counseling or therapy helps you get to that point, because I think that's part of the problem is that when you get stuck in your own head for whatever, whether you're thinking about, I like myself. I don't like myself.

Sometimes it's good to talk to somebody that's a little more educated and can look at things from an outside view to give you some perspective, to help.

There's no question about that. Or even. Even a friend. Right?

If you're having a But I guess part of the problem with that is, is actually someone coming forward and saying, I have this challenge. I'll call it a challenge, because I think everybody has that challenge to one degree or the other.

But, and the end goal, if you, if, if this makes sense to you, would be like if I were picked up and dropped into a group of people and I felt comfortable in my own skin there, and then I was picked up, dropped into a different group of people or a different country or whatever, and I felt comfortable in my own skin there, would that not be the test to figure out whether, hey, I like myself or not?

I think so.

Yeah.

I would think so. You know, your ideal, your ability to deal with, you know, different environments and how they relate to you. I absolutely think.

Okay, so.

And we may have talked about this before, but I think that really is part of the value of taking your kids on trips and traveling to different places in the world because they get to appreciate not only the world, but the, the fact that, hey, I'm. I'm comfortable here, I'm comfortable there, and people like me too. Yeah, yeah.

And it's, I think, you know, again, like we have discussed previously, just the overall communication with your children to make sure they're okay with talking about things.

If they're not comfortable with parts of themselves or how they perceive themselves, they, they, if they have the ability to be comfortable in discussion, then sometimes they can be helped through.

I'm sitting here listening to you, and I'm almost kind of laughing inside. Only because I was, I was thinking the difference between let's say our parents. Method of parenting and, and, and let's say our method of parenting.

Right. And you talk. Oh, we send it down, have a chat with them and kind of all just say, explore what's, what's bothering them where perhaps our parents.

Generation didn't have that. No.

There might be a phone book flying at you.

Yes, it is.

Yes. A lot of different.

Yeah, yeah. We'll just call it a different kind of love. That's such.

But the point being is that you have that appreciation that that individual, that beautiful child you brought into the world is having some struggles and they, they really need to somehow figure out who they are and that, that when they do then. And they, and then. And they're. That's done in a comfortable environment. That. That's helpful for sure.

I think that would. Yeah. That struggle can be relayed nowadays in so many different ways. Whether it's, you know, a kid's sexuality, whether it's whatever.

If they're comfortable in talking to their parents and that's been. It would cause them not to just stay in their own brain and they can have those discussions with whatever it is, finances, school, friends, anything.

Maybe this isn't a fair question, but should someone really be comfortable with themselves before they engage, let's say, in a serious relationship?

I would say so for sure.

And how do you, how do you know that?

But I would imagine that if you aren't comfortable with what you're doing, you might give yourself into what your said partner would be as opposed to maybe something you would truly do.

Yeah, let's say I was kind of thinking the same way, but again, like that whole idea about let's say getting involved in a relationship. And truly if that's you're looking for someone to spend some time with, you're not. You're not thinking about, oh geez, am I, am I good enough?

Until it gets to the point where let's say you're in that relationship and perhaps this is the reason why that green monster kind of pops their head out, the whole jealousy thing. Because you're not comfortable in your own skin. No, no.

And I was with Bikers Against Child Abuse for three years. I was the president of that.

And one of the biggest things we said is that your house needs to be fixed and in good rep before you can help somebody else out.

Okay, don't just, just say that again because I think that's so important that.

Your house has to be fixed and in good repair in order for you to help somebody else's house.

And so to be clear, in this case, the analogy is that you're the house, right?

Correct.

Okay, correct. Yeah.

And you know, before you go to helping, you know, kids in trauma or trouble and stuff like that, if you're not whole and not comfortable or in a good place, it is, I think, challenging to help others in that regard.

That makes perfect sense to me.

And it kind of, kind of answers that question about the whole relationship thing because it's not easy being in a relationship and you really do have to be comfortable with yourself first. During the process of being comfortable in your own skin, do you not learn the importance of being your own best friend, you think, or I think that.

Would be a byproduct of it for sure.

Yeah, yeah.

Because you kind of got to be your own cheerleader and be self serving to a little bit to a point so that you're getting what you need out of life.

And I'm just thinking like in the extreme that as well. Like, I'm so calm, comfortable, my own skin. I don't need anybody else in my life. And I'm.

I'm certainly not advocating that, but I can think that be another byproduct.

But that's not where we want to go with this because truly, you're put on this planet to enjoy life, and part of that enjoyment is, is engaging with other people.

So, yeah, there's a gentleman that works for me that's in his early 40s and single guy, lives on the beach, just. And, you know, I. I was trying to talk to him, and it's just such a foreign concept for me. And I was like, really? He's like, yeah.

I go, you just don't really. He goes, ah, because, you know, once in a while I'd like to be in a relationship.

He goes, but, you know, being able to travel and do what I want and, and, you know, just far outweighs that. And I've. I've honestly never heard that come from somebody's mouth before.

Well, and there's a good example that I'm. That I'm thinking about that where that individual seems to, at least from what you're telling me, is more than comfortable around skin. Right.

Because he doesn't need somebody else.

He's.

He's good with. With being single and just being in the moment and having that flexibility and freedom.

So when you're in that relationship and that. That significant other says, you complete me. That's not what we're looking for. No.

You compliments me, basically.

Me, you're not complete. Yeah. So are you ever too old to learn to be comfortable? Oh, your skin. Hell, yeah.

I think that's. You can limit yourself for sure.

Oh, limit yourself. Why would you want to limit yourself?

I'm not saying you want to, but I think old habits die hard with some people. And, you know, I think even probably people in their 70s or 80s, if they could change and everybody can change.

It's just if you have the willingness and desire to.

Absolutely. So again, that whole. It's hard for me to kind of, let's say, go to you and say, you know what? I. I'm not really comfortable with me. I don't.

I don't really like the way I look. I'm not like, I'm. I'm not good with people and I want to change. Can you help me? Are you the one? Or like.

Yeah, that's, That's a big. No, I'm not going to say. Call it a burden. They don't Mean a Latin, anyways. But that's a big cross to bear. Somebody came to you with that.

It's like, oh, my gosh. Like, are they looking for an answer? Are they just looking to speak?

Could be. Could be both. Let's say they are looking for that answer. And of course, getting back to what you said, that's quite a cross to bear.

And I, I would certainly just say, hey, look, you know, I give them a little bit of advice and suggest the baby steps and let's just talk about it every now and then because at the end of the day, they're the ones that have to do the heavy lift. Sure. You can't do it for them.

No. You want them to become them what you tell them they should be, because then that's not the true version of themselves.

Next thing you know, they're walking into the, into your house and they're wearing the same clinic clothes as you. And how did you get that?

E. This was going way too far.

Yes.

And that, I mean, who can help.

You to get to know yourself? You really wanted to. And we've kind of talked about different, different places you can go if you're really struggling. And it's. I'll.

I'll say, impacting your life. And we've talked about counselors and what have you. That's always a good place to go.

But keeping in mind the conversation that we had before we started the podcast, finding that counselor that you can connect with is, I think, key to make that work for you so you can be as comfortable as possible and be honest as possible so that you can at least reach your goals as you talk to these individuals.

Yeah. If you can talk to somebody in a non judgmental, safe space. And sometimes amazing things come from those discussions.

And here, here's a, here's a tricky one because I never even thought about it. But how would we teach our kids the importance of being comfortable in their own skin? Because I've never even thought about that.

But it's putting in that text. Yeah, you're right. I don't think I've ever thought of it.

But that's what we want for them, though. Sure.

And I think you would like to think that just comes from the family unit and how they're raised in the values that's instilled in them. But I don't know if that's. Those words have ever come out of my mouth. Like, are you comfortable in your own Sam? You know what I mean?

Yeah. Do you really like yourself?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why are you Asking.

Yeah, well, there's a couple things I.

Didn'T mean there's a couple things I think you can approve.

Yeah. So.

Yeah, but yeah, I just think it's a, it's a byproduct of a, you know, healthy relationship. Healthy, you know, communication with your parents and stuff like that.

Yeah, I think that's fair. I mean, again, it's funny, like, I don't know how many different podcasts that we've talked about, because if they're all.

All the important things in life, for sure. But then the question always, well, where do we learn this and where do we don't? And, and 90, 99% of it comes out of that. That family unit that.

That may or may not do a good job of it.

Yeah.

I got went down a TikTok rabbit hole about dads and dadisms, and I saw this one podcast snippet and the guy was saying, you know, to, to men, specifically that, you know, your dad is the only person in the world that wants you to be better than him. I was like, oh, it's kind of deep.

It is kind of deep. I hope dad's comfortable in his own skin.

Well, that's it. Yeah.

Yeah.

If your dad is raising you that way, he's, he's trying to make you a better version than him.

Yeah, for sure. That makes perfect sense. Right.

There's certain things he's not comfortable with and he doesn't want you to face those same things. But yeah, it's interesting.

Well, I'm comfortable talking about me being comfortable in my own skin, but that music is telling us this episode has come to an end. Uncomfortable music. Uncomfortable.

There is no question that the realization of how important it is to get to know yourselves intimately will move towards so many positive things in our lives. It's never too late to get to know yourself and begin your own journey of self awareness and self development.

When doing this, always be kind to yourself and consider these pointers. Cultivate a positive mindset.

Be your own biggest cheers.

Okay. Be your own biggest cheerleader. Prioritize self care and well being.

I don't think I do a good job on that, but it's something that makes sense to me for sure. So build confidence in daily life. Step at a time, one step at a time. Accept yourself unconditionally. That one.

It's a work in progress and it doesn't matter if they're all works in progress, as long as you're moving forward. The word I use is consistent. Yes.

Right.

So do nice things for yourself. When's the last time you did something nice for yourself? Not at all.

And even so, every once in a while I'll go and I'll have sushi because no one in this household likes sushi.

I'm so I'm good for yourself.

I'm gonna spoil myself. So I might be sitting in a restaurant by myself. Comfortable. My own skin.

Yeah.

And enjoying suit. That's true.

You know what's so funny? Just as a quick relation, I grew up, my dad, you know, would take us to Swiss Chalet and like, why.

Would you go there?

But when I travel for work sometimes in Canada, I will pop into one of myself because it's a memory thing. I like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Set boundaries. Boundaries are also a form of self care. Okay. Anything else that comes to mind? No, no.

But yeah, don't be too hard on yourself. You know, don't take yourself too seriously. Give yourself some credit and a break.

Once in a while. That's one of the things that I didn't put on there. But the ability to laugh at yourself is just golden, I think too. For sure.

I'm a stand up comedian and if that's the case.

Yeah. Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you. To learn more about E Walkabout, please Visit us at E-Walabout.ca.