ThriveHer Podcast Episode 11: The Unconscious Pull - Why We Stop When It’s Working

Host:

Rochelle Waite, Expert Naturopath and Founder of ThriveHer

Episode Overview:

Why do we stop doing what’s working for us? In Episode 11, Rochelle dives into this common experience and explores how stress, habits, and our brain’s natural resistance to change can derail progress. She shares actionable strategies to recognize and overcome this unconscious pull, ensuring sustainable transformation.

Key Segments:

Why We Stop When It’s Working

• Rochelle introduces the episode with a relatable scenario: starting a health routine, seeing results, and then gradually letting it slide.
• She explains that this isn’t about willpower but how the brain prioritizes comfort and familiarity under stress.

Segment 1: Understanding the Unconscious Pull

• The Problem: Life’s demands often disrupt new routines.
• Metaphor: Your health journey is like caring for a plant—consistent attention is needed to nurture growth.
• Listener Reflection: Think about a time when you experienced early wins but let a routine fall apart. How did it feel to start over?

Segment 2: The Science of Why We Slip

• Key Insight: Stress triggers the amygdala, pushing the brain toward familiar habits as a protective mechanism.
• Research Highlight: Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s theory of constructed emotion explains how the brain predicts safety and resists change.
• Citation: Barrett, L. F. (2017). The theory of constructed emotion: An active inference account of interoception and categorization. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 12(1), 1–23. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsw154
• Actionable Takeaway: Slipping doesn’t mean failure—it’s the brain’s way of reverting to what it knows. Awareness helps you regain control.

Segment 3: Real-Life Story – Emma’s Journey

• Emma, a ThriveHer client, initially thrived with better sleep, energy, and mood after starting Rochelle’s program.
• Stress at work caused her to abandon her routine, and she began doubting whether it had even worked.
• Rochelle explains how stress rewires perception, making progress feel insignificant.

Segment 4: Trusting the Process

• Why It’s Hard: The brain’s predictive nature clings to past patterns, even unhealthy ones, as they feel “safe.”
• Perspective Shift: Subtle changes can be hard to notice, but regular reflection helps cement progress.
• Listener Prompt: What small changes have you made recently? How do they contribute to your overall goals?

Segment 5: Strategies to Sustain Momentum

1. Weekly Check-Ins: Reflect on wins and identify areas for improvement. Use a community, friend, or journal for accountability.
2. Document Your Progress: Record a short video or jot down notes weekly to track small victories.
3. Focus on Small Wins: Commit to non-negotiable habits, like a 5-minute meditation or taking supplements, even on hectic days.
4. Engage with a Community: ThriveHer Tribe members find motivation and accountability through shared experiences.

Key Takeaways:

• Progress isn’t about perfection but consistency.
• Stress and setbacks don’t erase success—they’re opportunities to adapt and move forward.

Sneak Peek for Next Week:

• Boundaries Bootcamp:
• Learn how to set and enforce boundaries that protect your energy and focus.
• Includes scripts and interactive exercises to build confidence in saying “no.”

Call to Action:

• Join the ThriveHer Tribe: Connect with like-minded women in our private Facebook group: www.facebook.com/thethrivehertribe
• Follow Us on Instagram: Get daily inspiration and updates: www.instagram.com/thriveher_official
• Sign Up for the Newsletter: Stay updated on ThriveHer tools, events, and episodes. Visit ThriveHer.vip.

Links Mentioned:

• ThriveHer Tribe Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/thethrivehertribe
• ThriveHer Instagram: www.instagram.com/thriveher_official
• Full Episode Reference: Barrett, L. F. (2017). Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsw154

Quote of the Episode:

"Your brain craves safety in the familiar, but progress happens when you push gently beyond it. Keep thriving, one step at a time." – Rochelle Waite

Welcome to the ThriveHer podcast where we empower women to take control of their unique health conditions and wellness journey during perimenopause and beyond.

Our goal is to help you dream big and reach your fullest potential in every part of your life.

Each week the podcast dives into expert insights, natural solutions and inspiring stories to support you on your journey.

And now, here's your host, your no nonsense naturopath, Rochelle Waid.

Hello and welcome back to the Thrive her podcast.

Today I want to address something that I see a lot in work with my private clients.

And so if you're listening, maybe it's something that's happened to you too, and that is the unconscious pull.

Why we actually stop doing something when it's working.

I'd like you to picture this.

You've started some new health routine.

You're putting in the work, you're feeling better, you're waking up feeling refreshed, noticing little changes like clearer focus or maybe even a deeper sleep.

It feels amazing and you're proud of yourself for making it happen.

Then somehow life gets busy.

As it does.

Deadlines pile up, family commitments pop up.

The day to day just happens.

And those habits that you work so hard to build, they start slipping.

First it's a missed meditation, maybe, or a skipped supplement.

And then suddenly you're back to square one.

Before you even realize it, you're telling yourself, well, maybe it wasn't really working anyway.

Maybe I was just imagining those changes.

Does this sound familiar?

It is so common and it happens to so many of us.

Today I want to unpack exactly why it happens and the science behind this unconscious pull.

And more importantly, how you can recognise it and stop it before it derails your progress.

When clients come to see me one on one, they're usually at that last straw moment.

You know, they're tired of quick fixes.

They're tired of maybe being dismissed by other practitioners.

And they're ready for real, lasting change.

And when we start working together, we implement small manageable changes.

And within a few weeks, they notice all these first little wins.

You know, the more energy, the better.

Sleep even, believe it or not, rediscovering that real food tastes amazing.

It is very clear that it's such a rewarding moment for them.

But as I said, life happens.

Family responsibilities, or just that daily chaos we all know too well.

And somehow the I'll catch up tomorrow turns into the next day and the next.

And before they know it, a week's passed and their carefully built routine has totally unraveled Think of it a bit like nurturing a plant.

You know, you water it, you tend to it, and you see those first green shoots.

But if you stop, even for a few days, it starts to wither and you start to doubt its inherent strength, thinking, well, maybe it wasn't actually meant to grow after all.

Now, your health journey is like that plant.

It needs consistent care to thrive.

And when life interrupts, it's very easy to downplay those early wins and convince yourself they weren't significant to begin with.

So I'd love you to take a second to think about a time when you started something new.

Was it a diet?

Was it a new workout routine?

Or maybe a wellness practice?

Did you feel those early wins but the let them slide when life got hectic?

Have you since then convinced yourself that it wasn't working anyway?

I want you to hold onto those thoughts as we discuss why this actually happens.

Why do we start something that's clearly working only to find ourselves slipping back?

As I said, I see it often and look, I've been there myself.

You're motivated, you're seeing results.

And then out of nowhere, those old habits sneak back in like they've been waiting in the wings.

And then the blame game starts.

Maybe I just don't have the discipline, or I'm too busy to stick with it.

Here's what I want you to know.

This isn't about willpower or even motivation.

It's about how our brains react to change.

And although I'm a science nerd, I think the science here is really fascinating.

So I just have to share it with you.

Our brains crave the familiar because the familiar feels safe when you start something new.

The area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, the front of your brain.

This is the part responsible for conscious decision making.

Well, this is working overtime to help you remember the steps, whether it's taking supplements or drinking water or prepping meals.

But around the six to eight week mark, your brain wants to shift these actions into a part of the brain called the basal ganglia.

And this is where our habits live.

Ideally, this is when your new routine would feel automatic.

But if life throws stress your way during this transition period, another part of the brain, the amygdala, which is the part of the brain responsible for processing stress, that takes over.

It starts sending signals to return to what's comfortable and familiar.

It's a safety mechanism for survival.

This is why, even when you're seeing progress, your brain might nudge you back into old habits.

It thinks it's Protecting you, but it's actually holding you back.

Now, understanding this can fundamentally change how you approach your health journey.

Slipping back doesn't mean you're failing.

It just means that your brain is trying to keep you safe.

And so with that awareness and then the right strategies, you can actually keep moving forward.

So have you noticed that dip in motivation around the six to eight week mark?

You know, when that excitement fades and life's demands actually then start making you question whether it's worth it?

It is natural, but it doesn't have to derail your progress.

I'd like to introduce you to Emma, one of my clients.

Now, Emma came to me feeling exhausted, frustrated, ready for a change.

She had some medical issues she needed to work through, and she was skeptical about trying naturopathy, but she was willing to try.

Together, we crafted a plan.

A plan for nutrition, a plan for maybe some supplements, and for her, some mindfulness practices.

And for the first month, the changes were undeniable.

She had more energy, she was sleeping better, and her family even noticed that she was more present and calm.

Things were working and she was super excited.

But then life happened.

Work got hectic with late nights and tight deadlines, and her carefully built routine started slipping.

First, she skipped her morning meditation, telling herself, just for today.

Then she missed her supplements, thinking, I'll double up tomorrow.

Something you shouldn't do, by the way.

And before she knew it, her routine was completely off track.

When she came back to see me for a follow up, she looked totally deflated.

I asked her how things were going, and she said, honestly, I don't think it ever really worked.

Now that totally stopped me in my tracks.

Here was someone who had experienced real noticeable changes, Changes that she'd told me about just weeks earlier.

Yet now her brain had convinced her that it wasn't real.

This is what happens when we're under stress and the familiar pulls us back.

Emma's brain, overwhelmed by life's demands, had rewritten her experience.

It had made her believe that the progress that she'd made was insignificant or a coincidence.

It's like her mind erased the winds because they weren't dramatic enough to fight through the noise of daily life.

But the truth, the progress, was real.

And her brain was simply retreating to what it knew, making her doubt what she'd achieved.

So go back to look on that health routine that you started.

Did your brain convince you that it didn't work, even though you saw results at the time?

Emma's story is a reminder that our brains can trick us.

But with awareness and the right strategies, we can overcome that pull.

So why is it so hard to trust the process, even when we're seeing results now?

Dr.

Lisa Feldman Barrett, who's a neuroscientist and professor at Northeastern University in the States, has done extensive research on how our brains process change.

Her work shows us that our brains are predictive machines, always relying on past experiences to decide if something is safe.

So if you've been living with fatigue or stress for a long time, that's what feels normal to your brain, even if it's not serving you.

Imagine hiking a new trail that leads to a beautiful view.

But along the way, you encounter some rough patches, maybe like a steep hill or a vine with thorns.

Your brain says, turn back.

This isn't the path we know.

And if stress piles on, at that moment, the urge to turn back becomes even stronger.

This is why, even when changes are helping us feel better, our brains can still push through and back us to the familiar.

Now we live in a world that promotes quick fixes and instant results.

And if your progress isn't dramatic and immediate, our brains are now trained to start doubting.

This is where the growing child analogy can help.

When you see a friend's child after a few months, the change is obvious.

But for the parents who see that child, daily growth is almost invisible.

It's the same thing with your wellness journey.

Unless you're pausing to reflect, it's easy for your brain to convince you that no real change is happening.

So first, we've got to recognize this unconscious pull so that we can prevent it from taking us off course.

So here are a few things to watch for.

Firstly, you start thinking.

Get back to it.

When things calm down, you can downplay your wins, thinking maybe they really weren't that big of a deal.

Or you start prioritizing things over your wellness, even if they leave you feeling drained.

Now, here's where I often remind my clients.

Don't stress the little stuff.

If you miss a day, don't let that be the end of your journey.

Pick up where you left off and keep going.

Every positive decision you make is a step forward.

But there is a balance to strike here, too.

While it's totally okay to forgive yourself for a missed day, you don't want to fall into the I'll start again tomorrow trap.

It's not about perfection.

It's about consistency.

It's that consistency that keeps you building new and lasting habits.

So let's talk about some specific strategies to stay on track.

Now, these are some of the tools I use with my one on one clients.

And they work because they're not only rooted in research, but real world success.

One of the core elements to working within a ThriveHer program is scheduling weekly check ins and making these check ins non negotiable.

Now whether that's working with us and one of the ThriveHer practitioners, or whether that's with a friend or within our ThriveHer community, these moments aren't just about accountability.

They're about staying connected to your progress.

They give you the chance to reflect on what's working, what's challenging, and where you might need to adjust.

Having this set time each week helps keep you grounded in that bigger picture.

Now the next one is something that I have the most pushback against and it surprises me I guess in this world of TikTok and Instagram, but that is documenting your progress, especially through video.

This is one of the most powerful but underused tools.

When my one on one clients start a new journey, I always encourage them to record a short video at the beginning.

Now this video is just for them, doesn't even have to be for me.

But I want them to talk about how they're feeling, what's bothering them and what they hope to achieve.

Then we keep going just a minute or two once a week, capturing those little wins and challenges.

Why video?

That comes back to the growing child analogy again.

Because progress can be gradual and without a record, it's actually easy to forget where you started.

But when you look back at those videos after a few months you see the changes you might have overlooked.

And it is giving yourself undeniable proof of how far you've come, which can be incredibly motivating.

What I'd love you to do is to create a couple of non negotiable habits.

Life is busy, so pick a few manageable habits you can stick to even on your toughest days.

Now this could be a five minute meditation before lunch, just to refocus and channel your thoughts.

This could be drinking a glass of water when you get up in the morning.

These don't have to be hard things and these small actions may seem insignificant on their own, but they keep you grounded and remind you of the commitment that you've made to yourself.

And finally engage with a community.

This is where the thrive her tribe really shines.

When you're part of a group of like minded women and you're reminded that you're not alone.

By sharing your journey and celebrating others wins and supporting each other through challenges, you create an atmosphere of accountability encouragement for yourself.

It's a space where you can get real solutions and be reminded of why you started.

Now, before we wrap up, I want to share a sneak peek into next week's episode which I am calling unofficially the Boundaries Boot Camp.

We are going to explore how to master the art of saying no to set boundaries for a more balanced life.

Many of us feel uncomfortable saying no, but next week I'll explain why this happens and show you how to retrain your brain to set boundaries confidently.

We'll go over some boundary setting scripts for real life scenarios, plus some exercises to help you say no with strength and clarity so you won't want to miss that.

Now, if today's episode resonated with you and you're ready for more support, I'd love to invite you to join us at the Thrive Hair Tribe.

This is our community where people, we're women, come together to lift each other up and share their wins and work through their challenges together.

We're more than just about motivation.

The ThriveHer tribe connects you with real health solutions and practical tools too that go far beyond just setting boundaries and building resilience, but to navigating your health issues so that you can move past the healing, the surviving into thriving.

We also have some incredible events coming up exclusively for our community where you will find science backed strategies to support your health.

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Until next time, keep believing in yourself, keep striving for more and keep thriving because your best life is just ahead.

Thank you for joining us on this episode of the ThriveHerb podcast.

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