Wisdom-Trek / Creating a Legacy

Welcome to Day 399 of our Wisdom-Trek, and thank you for joining me.

This is Guthrie Chamberlain, Your Guide to Wisdom

The 8 Components of Healthy Relationships

Thank you for joining us for our 5 days per week wisdom and legacy building podcast. This is Day 399 of our trek, and today is Motivation Monday. Every Monday we hike the trails of life that will encourage and motivate you to live a rich and satisfying life this week. Today we will explore the 8 components of healthy relationships.

We are broadcasting from our studio at The Big House in Marietta, Ohio. After a quick five day trip to Marietta and back to Charlotte, we have 10 days here before heading to Scottsdale and Mesa Arizona to work with our partners on our construction project there. We are nearing completion of the first 12 townhome units that are part of a much larger development.

Our company in Arizona is the general contractor for the funding group that actually owns the project. It is certainly our hope that the first units sell quickly, so the project will continue on a timely basis. We are motivated, and it is important that we maintain a healthy relationship with the funding group throughout the project.

This is very true in all areas of life. Any relationship whether it is in business, church, friends, or family is a personal relationship. We can only relate effectively when we relate personally. On our motivation trek today, we will hike the trail called…

The 8 Components of Healthy Relationships

While some relationships will be closer than others, all relationships, especially with your family and those you love deepest, must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be called on constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing. Nothing can bring more joy to life than beautifully fulfilling relationships. The depth of meaning, understanding, and appreciation that these kinds of relationships bring is almost immeasurable. Of course, as many people find out, nothing can bring so much pain as a broken relationship with someone dear to you.

Yes, relationships are what drives us as humans, for better or for worse. What you need to understand is that you can do much to increase your chances of having terrific relationships that are fulfilling and exciting, and rich with meaning, joy, and love. This will make you a truly wealthy person.

There are 8 basic components that govern most human relationships, and these basics make up our trek for today.  So, let’s explore the trail for the eight components that I believe make up the basics of healthy relationships.

1. Love

It is not surprising that love it the first component, as we have discussed previously that love is the hub or core of all relationships. If you desire a healthy relationship, you must understand the real definition of love. Most people think that love is a feeling, but I would strongly debate that point. Actually, the concept of “like” is really about feelings. When you say you like someone, you are talking about how you feel. But when you say that you love someone, you are not necessarily talking about how you feel about them. Love is much deeper than a feeling. Love is a commitment and a daily choice that you make to people where you pledge to always treat that person right and honorably.

Yes, for those whom you become especially close to, you will also have feelings of love, but I believe it is time for you to re-examine what you mean by love. You must expand your definition of what love means by including the concept that love is a daily choice and commitment to love without conditions. For healthy relationships, you must choose to love everyone. You may not particularly like a person based on how you feel about them, but you should love them based on our definition of love, which in turn determines how you should act toward them – that is, treat them right and honorably. Unconditional love is the basis of all healthy relationships. Christ taught us about real love in John 15:13, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

2. Serving Heart

My virtual mentor Zig Ziglar frequently said that “You can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want out of life.”

The concept he is talking about is to have a heart and life that is focused on serving other people. Life is best lived in service to others. This does not mean that we do not strive for the best for ourselves. It does mean that in all things we serve other people, including our family, co-workers, and friends. We must learn to help those who deserve it, not just those who need it. Christ was our example when he was quoted in Matthew 20:28, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

3. Honest Communication

In any good relationship, you will find open and honest communication. Communication is so important because it is the vehicle that allows you to verbalize what is inside you and enables you to connect with another person.

Empathetic communication is a vital goal in good relationships. To communicate is to tell each other what you are thinking and what you are feeling. It enables you to make a connection. Sometimes you are the one speaking and other times you are listening. Either way, the central tenet is communication that enables building the relationship and making it stronger. Here is the goal…If you just communicate, you can get by, but if you communicate skillfully, you can work miracles!

4. Kindness

Put simply, relationships just work better when you are kind to others. Being kind can cushion the bumpy ride you may sometimes experience in your relationships. Kindness and cheerfulness go a long way toward building lasting relationships. I mean, nobody wants to be around an unkind and grumpy person, do they? The fact is that the kinder you are, the more you are going to have people who want to pursue longer-lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with you. So put on a smile, always have kind words to say to others, treat people with a great deal of kindness, and you will see your relationships improve. As Proverbs 3:3 tells us, “Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.”

5. Patience

Most of us need some practice in the area of patience. People are not perfect and will constantly fail us. Conversely, you will fail other people. So while you try to have more patience for others, you need their patience as well.

So often, relationships break down because people give up and lose patience. I am talking about all kinds of relationships – friendships, marriages, and business relationships to name a few. Even in the closeness of the bonds of marriage, if you go through major turmoil and you use that time to work on growing patience with each other, your marriage will grow even stronger. If you allow it, patience wins out. The lack of patience in almost all areas is a sign of selfishness on our part. We feel that what we desire is more important than the other person. Those who give up on relationships too early or because the other person isn’t perfect, often forget that their next friend, their next spouse, or business partner will not be perfect either! 

6. Loyalty

Loyalty is a commitment to another person. Sadly, loyalty is often a missing element in many relationships today. Have you forgotten what it means to be loyal? Your consumer mentality may have affected this to some degree. People are no longer loyal to a company they work for or a particular brand of product they purchase. Unfortunately, it also goes both ways, many companies are not loyal to employees, vendors, clients, or patrons.

Regrettably, this has spilled over into our relationships. It is one thing to switch brands of shampoo, it is another thing altogether to switch friends or even spouses. Sometimes you just need to choose and commit to being loyal and let the relationship move forward. You may need a higher level of stick-to-it-iveness! This kind of loyalty will take your relationships to a much deeper level. What a powerful and secure feeling of knowing that you have a relationship with someone who is loyal to you and you to them. You know without a doubt that neither of you is going anywhere even when things get tough. What a powerful concept is in today’s throw-away, instant-everything world.

7. A Common Purpose

One of the basics of healthy relationships is to have a common purpose and set of values you hold dear. Often this is a component that is initially overlooked, but for a long-term, long-lasting relationship, it is vital. Think about how many friends you have met through the years while working for a common purpose. Maybe it was someone you met while participating in sports while working on a political campaign, attending church, at your office, or anything that brought you together to work on a common purpose.

You had that strong common bond of purpose and values that brought you together and held you together. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together, all while pursuing a common purpose, is what lasting relationships are made of. Find people with whom you have common purposes and values. Plant these seeds to form great relationships, and then harvest the long-lasting benefits. The principle of planting and harvesting impact all of world life.

8. Fun

All good relationships have some element of fun. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean loud, wild fun, though that is appropriate for some relationships. But even in business relationships, there should be some fun. It should be fun to do business with those who you are going to have a long-term business relationship with.

Fun brings enjoyment to the relationship, and that is important. Often this key element can be easily forgotten or neglected in our family and spousal relationships. The fun things you did initially in a new relationship after a while can be taken for granted or simply fall by the wayside, and you stop creating the fun and joy. So remember to consciously plan fun situations and moments, for fun is the glue that holds your memories together and makes your lives  sweet.

There are so many key ingredients to making and maintaining great, long-lasting relationships. Each of the eight components we discussed brings unique dynamics and rewards to your relationships. So begin to focus on improving your relationships in these areas, and see what miracles occur!

The Apostle Paul in his letter to the Colossians summed up the art of relationship-building quite well in Chapter 3:12-13, “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

If you follow these 8 components that we visited on today’s trek, your relationships will prosper and so will you. Let us apply them to our lives so that we can create and live a positive legacy for all to see.

Tomorrow’s short trek is part of our Wisdom Unplugged series that we are now hiking on Tuesdays and Thursdays. These 2-3 minute wisdom supplements will assist you in becoming healthy, wealthy, and wise throughout the entire week. So encourage your friends and family to join us, and then come along tomorrow for another day of our Wisdom-Trek, Creating a Legacy.

That will finish our trek for today. As you enjoy your daily dose of wisdom, we ask you to help us grow Wisdom-Trek by sharing with your family and friends through email, Facebook, Twitter, or in person when you meet with them and invite them to come along with us each day.

If you would like to listen to any of the past daily treks, they are available at Wisdom-Trek.com. Don’t forget to subscribe to...