For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever felt the urge to prove you're right—especially in the heat of an argument? In this powerful episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares a personal story and a lesson from a truck-driving client that will change the way you think about conflict.

Discover why letting go of the need to be right isn’t weakness—it’s one of the most powerful things you can do to protect your relationships and your peace of mind.

Key Takeaways:

-The need to “be right” often fuels conflict, putting your relationships and emotional health at risk.

-Trying to prove someone else wrong rarely creates connection—it usually leads to resentment and defensiveness.

-Seeking to understand instead of arguing your point helps de-escalate tension and fosters mutual respect.

-Letting go of being right doesn’t mean giving in—it means valuing the relationship over the need to win.

-Even small changes in behavior, like giving others space, can have a big impact on your calmness and safety, both emotionally and physically.

-When you release the urge to control others, you gain true control over yourself.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

Imagine driving a 20 ton truck down the highway.

Suddenly a car cuts right in front of you.

You slam on the brakes, your heart racing, your anger surging.

And in that moment, all you want to do is prove how wrong that other driver was.

But here's the hidden cost.

Every time you try to prove you're right, you put yourself in and your relationships at risk.

Welcome to episode 157 of the Anger Secrets podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women to control their anger, take responsibility for their actions, and build calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful free training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website, angersecrets.com.

there's a link there to access that free training.

Or if you'd like to chat personally with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.

I look forward to talking with you.

Ok, with that said, lets begin today's episode with a story.

Many years ago, a client of mine who was literally a truck driver, asked me a simple question.

He asked me, do you ever get angry?

He wanted to know, because he himself was struggling with serious road rage.

He explained that every day while driving his massive truck, cars would dart in front of him far too closely.

Most drivers, he said, had no idea how long it takes a truck that size to slow down.

So time and time again he would be forced to slam on his brakes just to avoid a crash.

Not surprisingly, these moments filled him with anger.

And once he had his truck back under control, he told me he would often tailgate the other driver, honk his horn or shout from the cab.

Anything to prove how dangerous and how wrong that other driver had been.

After describing all of this, he paused, looked at me and asked, but what about you, Alistair?

Do you ever get angry?

It's not a question I get very often.

So I thought about it for a moment before answering, and then I said, no, not very often.

And that's true.

It's actually very hard to get me angry.

Which is probably a good thing considering I'm an anger management coach and the host of this podcast.

So why is that?

Why don't I get angry very often?

One reason for this, I told this man, is that it has never been important for me to be right about things.

In fact, when I was growing up, I was often one of the smartest children in whatever class I was in.

As a result, usually any question the teacher would ask the class, I would know the answer to.

But I also knew that it was not good to always share my answers with the class, especially if I was right.

In fact, the more questions I answered correctly, the more I got picked on at school for being a nerd or a geek.

So I learned when I was young that it was best to not be right all the time.

In fact, most of the time when I knew I was right, that was good enough for me.

I did not need to prove this to others.

Of course there are pros and cons to this, but it was a dynamic I carried with me into adulthood.

In my romantic relationships, for example, I have never felt the need to prove that I am right about something, especially if I know it to be true.

In addition, I also know that in a relationship, if I am trying to prove that I am right about an issue, I am also trying to make my partner be wrong about this issue.

And that is not a feeling that I like very much.

I do not enjoy trying to make people I love and care about or anyone else be wrong.

It just does not feel good to me.

So what do I do instead?

Luckily, I always have a plan.

If an argument is starting with my partner or anyone else and I notice that I am trying to prove that I am right and they are wrong, I stop arguing my point and try to understand their perspective.

This is slightly easier as I also believe that everyone's thoughts and opinions are valid to them, no matter how different they are to mine.

So instead of trying to prove that I am right, I seek to understand what the other person is saying and why they are saying it.

Perhaps not surprisingly, this usually works out better than simply trying to argue for my perspective or trying to be right all the time.

Okay, this is essentially what I said to the truck driver who asked me if I ever get angry.

The next week, the truck driver came back to see me again.

He had been thinking about what I said, he told me, and he had begun to change his behaviour on the road.

Now, he said when someone would cut him off, instead of tailgating them or shouting at them, he would just back off and let the car that cut in front of him have more space.

Not surprisingly, he told me this made him feel calmer and more relaxed.

It was safer as well.

He said he knew that when he tailgated other cars, he was just one mistake away from a serious accident and that the consequences of this would be catastrophic.

Okay, I hope that this story is useful for you.

Let's now apply it to relationships in addition to anger management work, I also conduct a lot of couples counseling, and when couples come to see me, the most common issue they have is arguments.

Ironically, however, within a few minutes of entering my office, often these couples who want to stop arguing quickly start an argument with each other.

So why are they arguing?

The most simple answer is that they both want to be right about the issue they are arguing about.

This, of course, means that neither of them is really listening to the other person.

Both of them are just trying to prove their point instead of trying to understand where the other person is coming from.

Predictably, this dynamic usually leads to more frustration, resentment and anger within the relationship.

So my message for you today is if you find yourself trying to be right all of the time, stop and ask yourself why.

Is it really that important for you to be right?

Or would it be more beneficial if you focused on understanding other people and accepting the multitude of different perspectives we can all have?

Another way of saying this is that being right may feel satisfying in the moment, but in the long run, it will do more harm than good.

So let go of the need to always be right and you will find that your relationships become calmer, happier, and respectful.

Okay, I hope that this episode has been useful for you.

If it has, I'd love it if you'd hit that follow button and maybe leave a quick podcast review.

It helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to hear today.

And if you're ready to take the next step in controlling your anger once and for all, book a free call with me or watch my free training@AngerSecrets.com I look forward to helping you on your journey towards creating a calmer, happier and healthier life.

And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Secrets podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.