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What transpires in this episode is nothing short of an exhilarating confrontation, a battleground where the ingenuity and prowess of two formidable competitors are put to the ultimate test. The first-ever Sovereign Eight Invitational culminates in a dramatic showdown, underscoring the high stakes inherent in this climactic encounter. We engage in a riveting exchange, showcasing not only the creative strategies employed by each participant but also the camaraderie and rivalry that underscore the gaming community. Throughout the episode, listeners are invited to witness the unfolding of tactical maneuvers, unexpected twists, and the sheer unpredictability of gameplay that keeps us all on the edge of our seats. As the dust settles, one victor emerges, crowned as the champion, while the echoes of laughter and spirited banter linger, reminding us that the journey is as significant as the outcome.

Roll the dice, raise the ale Heroes.

Gather, tell the tale Chat mund and done.

The quest's begun not ones fly, but we still run Mud's up high Let legends come welcome into Chat one and done.

What you're about to witness is nothing short of a masterpiece.

A battle of innovators.

A literal clash of titans.

This is the finals of the first ever Sovereign 8 Invitational.

The stakes are high, but some.

But somehow not as high as your hosts.

In this corner, we have the Lord of the Verbal Beatdowns, the father of many people's downfalls, the Architect of Destruction and the Dildo Dungeon.

On loan from Tabletop, Jamaica, we have Andre.

Andre, how you doing?

Hi, I'm Andre from Tabletop, Jamaica.

The architect of Dildo Dungeon is now, I guess, on my resume.

Yeah, United is that.

I need to make that into a fucking sticker, too.

All right, in the opposite corner, the most positive person you will ever meet, the mother of unorthodox inventions, the creative genius behind the honey badger.

Skip it.

And.

And Strawbucks, the demoness who always aims to impress, we have Lilith.

That was actually very, very flattering, all those titles.

Thank you.

This took me about three hours to write and rewrite.

Behind the Scenes.

Yeah.

When we get off here, I will show you some of that Strahd merch.

Yeah, we have strawed merch.

Now, I'm.

Yeah, I'm about to print these out and cut these into stickers.

So, yeah, all the thirsty vampire people are going wild right now.

Dante, are you going wild right now?

Offensive term is an offensive term to the vampire people, by the way.

Not cool, Lily.

Not cool.

I already got canceled.

You just offended 90% of our fan base.

We prefer suckers.

I offended myself.

All right, guys, how you feeling today?

You guys have made it to the finals.

Against all odds, you guys have punched your way into the finals.

Just recap, Lilith, your first round, you beat Demonesta.

Impress.

Semifinals, you beat Max.

That's what I was thinking.

You gotta beat yourself mentally to get there.

You know what I'm saying?

You like that save, right?

I'm sorry.

First round, you beat Reps and Respawn.

Second one, you beat Mac.

And now you're here in the finals, Andre.

First round, you played Toast, AKA Slippery Rick.

And second rounds, you beat Dice Circus.

Joe.

Joe from Dice Circus.

I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on today.

Circus.

Jedish Joe from Dice Circus.

Again.

You, cj.

Sweet Swedish to get here.

How are you guys feeling?

Did you guys think you're gonna make it this far.

Well, yes.

I.

After I burned toast and put the circus out of town, I feel really.

Good.

Poking on them because they're not here.

Damn.

Real big dog.

Cause they can't defend themselves.

He's like, call him up.

I'll tell him.

Meanwhile, I was over here, I made a mother and I.

And I let Matt keep the butt plugs.

So I. Yeah.

Plus the bracket was really friendship based.

Yeah.

Right side of the bracket was just being really mean to people.

I love how the all hints the buffs got from Rudy was, yeah,.

Your friends.

It did happen.

It's all canon.

It's in there.

You guys can go back and listen to it.

They do say the best part of DND is hitting on the homies.

True.

I.

Real butt plugs of the friends who made along the way.

Oh, my God.

There does seem to be some parallel between certain themes like box plugs and dildo dungeons.

Honestly, if neither of them show up in this campaign or adventure that we're doing, I would be shocked.

Just saying.

My brother, dungeon dildo just came out in the.

Yeah, it was in your intro.

That is your next campaign.

Someone should have made a bingo card for this.

Missed opportunity.

I got bingo.

I win.

That's actually how you win the finale is you have to get bingo.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

None of this mattered.

Somewhere, like, one of the other contestants who we thought were out of it is going to be like popping in, being like, I got bingo.

I won.

Just halfway through the call, you're going to see somebody join.

Yeah.

G4 is where you mentioned honey badgers.

All the.

All the hits.

Yeah.

A very weird insult.

Yeah.

All of it.

All of it's in there.

All right, guys.

Yeah.

So this has been a crazy journey to get to this point.

I think we.

When did we start actually recording our first episode?

That was like, April.

Like, end of April, I want to say was our first episode.

It's been a while.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's.

This has been a long road to get here.

It's been a lot of planning, a lot of replanning.

Because you're coordinating people from, like, different time zones.

It's been a pain in the ass.

It's the hardest thing ever because they're like, oh, I have these days.

I have these days.

Like, I don't have these days.

I'm like, come on, guys, please.

We're trying to get this done.

Yeah.

Imagine I just show up, which is actually harder than you might think.

I'm just here whenever.

Yeah.

I just appear and kick ass.

And then go back to my time zone.

All in a day's work.

So what have been some of your guys favorite moments from your guys respective brackets?

Oh, my God.

Go ahead.

I know, go.

I'm still.

I'm still cutting them down and deciding.

Okay.

Because I think I'm going to incorporate sideways walking crap shoes into my campaign.

The Crustacean Cruisers.

The way you just came up with that name, like off the dome too, is crazy to me.

I was like, oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah, that was in there.

It's like the Crustacean crew.

But I don't know how everybody missed that.

That was awesome.

How did you start out?

So I'm just like, how do you feel the cutting edge of evolution?

A solid line.

Y' all want to be on the.

Cutting edge of evolution watching videos about how everything turns into crabs.

And it's very interesting to me up to this week, I watched another one.

We turned your whole for you page into just crab content.

Brick by brick, baby.

Now we're bringing crabs into this.

We have plugs, we have dildos.

And now the crabs have come.

We've got on the wrong side of this whole situation.

Dungeons Dragons dildos and decapods.

Dickapods.

She's just hearing what he wants to.

Hear over those two.

I was just adding to it.

Dare you assume what I'm doing?

Don't you mind you what I'm having?

Oh, my God.

I think.

Oh, gosh.

So a lot of my favorite moments happen before recording, which makes it really hard.

Yeah.

Some of those conversations are just so hilarious and genuine.

But also, you, like, there's none of the stresses of trying to be in a tournament or run a tournament.

So we're all just like, like making fun of sweetened versus unsweetened tea.

Was like, still something I think about which.

Which, sorry to pause.

Andre, what's your take on the tea today, junior?

Oh, I drink a lot of unsweetened tea.

I'm sorry you've lost the tournament.

It' nice knowing you.

Hey, hey, hey.

What's wrong with unsweetened tea?

Can you give negative style points?

I need.

Hold on.

I need a clean airway for this.

I am over 30 and I have abs.

I can have abs or a lot of sugar.

I had to choose one.

I drink unsweetened tea.

I drink.

Nothing wrong with that.

I will die on that hill.

It's a good hill to die on.

I gotta be real.

It's a good hill to die on.

I won't be dying on that same hill.

But good death to you.

Besides that, I did love also the 20 questions game that Mac and I did where we were both just really trying to figure out what was going on the whole time, and we were both subtly trying to help each other.

And, like, no, you're on.

Like, you're on the right track.

Think about it this way.

And a game that, like, should have required, like, a lot of brain power and a lot of thinking.

And while it did, it also just was really funny and silly at the same time because we're both like, oh, my God, I forgot everything I ever knew about D and D. And then it just proceeded into this long, silly, hilarious heist where I got shit in my face and Matt got stuck in statue's ass and we met the Honey Badger.

Skip it.

In real life.

And I think it was just a really good preface to the whole conclusion of that episode.

So.

So here's the thing.

It was never a statue.

Oh, no.

I like how friendly the Left side of Bracket has been.

And similar to what you're saying, even before, like, the conversations that we have before the recording.

Yeah.

Even today, like, going through.

And it was some of the better parts to the point where we're like, oh, we should start recording and stop wasting gold.

I just want the audience to know that Lilith and I were getting along because once this starts going soon, I'm gonna start real.

I wanna see some blood.

God.

We were all having genuine fun conversation beforehand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wanted to just establish that we were having real.

Friends no matter what you're about to hear.

Yeah, we're actually all getting matching transparent tattoos after this.

Yeah, I already have them designed.

I already have mine.

I got mine early.

Oh, no.

Oh, he got his pre made.

The photo I sent you.

All right, guys, so we can't afford the licensing to any actual music, but if you guys could pick your walkout song for this episode, for today, for the finals, what would you guys pick?

I should have made it.

For me.

Since I am playing my Good Bad Alibi, I'm going to stick with Fallout Boy.

My songs.

Know what you did.

In the dark.

That's a solid walk out.

That's a solid walk out.

That's a good one.

So thus far, I've chosen pretty non serious silly songs.

But in respect to my competition and in respect to the fact that it's the finale, I have to stay true to what's about to happen.

And my walkout song would be Another One Bites the Dust.

Ooh, Oof.

Yay.

Oof.

She came to Play Dante.

What I like about that song is that it doesn't specify who bites the dust.

Oh,.

I'm dressed in black.

I'm ready for the funeral.

I hope that.

I gotta give a style point there.

Just saying.

I was like, oh,.

Damn, this is gonna be a good episode.

I was waiting for the verbal.

Go ahead for the trash style course.

Don't worry, it's still coming.

And my one song would be Thriller.

Isn't fair.

Be thriller.

Yes.

I could see that.

Just come out with sparklers.

That'd be pretty cool.

That's sparkly.

Dante, what would be your song?

I think probably just skip out into the arena with a kazoo just playing horribly.

Would you be playing the kazoo or would someone else be playing?

I would be playing it, yeah.

It's just the final countdown, but just kazoo.

I think my walkout song would be.

It's because this is kind of bittersweet.

Because we are at the end of the series.

No, Jesus, no.

We're at the end of, like, the series, and it kind of, like, it bums me out because, like, I've had so much fun making this fucking.

It's, like, so different from what we've done before, and it kind of bums me out.

But I'd go with Cowboys Don't Cry.

But Oliver Tree.

Because the beginning is.

I'm no good at goodbyes.

No.

Rocket launcher.

Start firing into the crowd.

Like, yeah, guys, party.

Okay, so we're gonna move on to the.

Firing a rocket launcher at the crowd.

That's just mass murder, bro.

Everybody gets it.

I want to be the winner.

All right?

Nobody can see me lose if ain't nobody around.

All right, guys, this is the segment for exactly.

We're gonna move on to the segment where it's friendly trash talk.

Friendly trash talk.

Guys, remember, we're all friends here.

Oh, no.

Everybody.

Everybody's.

Yo, Y' all smiling kind of.

Kind of malicious over there.

The camera zoom.

The camera zoom makes it so much worse.

I seen you.

All right, guys, the camera wants.

Who wants to go first?

It feels bad because we're having such, like, a fun.

A fun and friendly time.

I don't want to come out and be just, like, off camera.

She was talking about your mama.

O.

You know what would be hilarious?

If we just turned to the horse and just rose them like, damn.

I never knew Dimension 20 had remedial classes.

Ow.

How do I give negative style points now?

Like, seriously, now, Jesus jokes on you.

I don't even know what any of that means.

Yeah, he said Something about remodeling, something.

Remedial classes.

I get to hear something about the Home Depot.

Yes.

Remodeling glasses.

I got you.

Oh, my God.

I like the inside.

All right, all right.

That swung a little bit.

I gotta give him a style point on that one.

That was a pretty good one.

He's.

Yeah, he turned on us.

He turned on us, boys.

Put him down.

All right, so I was on the.

The nice, friendly side of the bracket, so this isn't really my strength, but I think everyone's seen that.

So I had to prepare what I was gonna say ahead of time.

So no one roasts me.

Well, actually, I think that's the point.

So, like, a little bit.

But for.

For everyone who was listening and wasn't able to see the preparation for this, I did invite everyone, contestants, past and present, to just simply throw insults at me at random so I could practice.

It didn't quite happen that way because everyone's very nice.

But I did instead write a cheeky poem that describes how I feel.

So I should.

I should read it.

Hey, don't do that.

I worked hard on this.

All right.

Quote the story of contestants so clever and cunning.

Though one must say.

Though I must say 1/2 a performance more stunning.

First her mom, she'd asked slain for mun muns and swords.

Then Mac was defeated since the honey badger desired more though now two here stand in neither sewer nor strawbucks, though.

Andre, just one question.

Are you ready to get fucked up?

Damn.

Damn.

Mic drop actually looks like an expensive mic.

I want that on my fridge with a little gold star.

That was touching.

Damn.

Just a turn is usually only six seconds.

That took so long to get to the point that I wanted to cast high his midway, which is also sort of funny because you look like the material component for the slow spell.

God damn.

Oh, my God.

Mm.

Keep going.

I dare you.

I got another.

I got a lot of poems.

I'll just torture you with those if they're so horrific.

I didn't know charisma was your dumb stat.

Really?

I thought it was pretty obvious, to be honest.

God damn.

Jesus.

Intelligence is my strong stat.

Something you can't relate to.

Oh, my God.

All right, I gotta give style points on both ends of that.

That was pretty verbal jousting.

I love it.

Oh, man.

So I have to keep going.

You guys host.

You guys feel like they.

They got their filler.

I wasn't even in the crossfire.

My feelings are hurt.

I mean, we were in the beginning.

He got us in the beginning.

I Know better than to insult the host.

That's a.

You don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

So is this where we bring out the switchblades I was told about, or is that later?

Yeah, we didn't have the budget for it after renovations.

Yeah, we'd have the budget for after renovations.

You gotta have to bring your own.

Oh, yeah.

One dude did literally bring a sword.

So I just been walking with, like, katana ever since, just in case.

Oh, I don't know.

Had a sword behind him.

I have this.

Preparation.

Got the Trojan man over here.

The preparation on.

This is beautiful.

The gas helmet.

I'm trying to put it down without my camera being weird.

The clank.

Okay.

All right, guys, are you ready to move on to the final game?

Can we just.

One.

One more pause.

Like, it's hilarious how a good half of the people we've had on for this just have medieval weaponry by their computers.

Like, all right, it's fair.

Give me 10 seconds.

I'm so sorry.

I also have this bard hat that I would have had on.

Sick.

I know it's not a big stream, but it is.

It's blue and there's a lot of feathers, and it's very puffy, and I'm struggling to put it on over my headset.

Is that velour?

My guy.

I'm back.

Almost.

Oh, my God.

That's sick.

Oh, shoot.

Wait, but where's the studs?

The stud is right here, bro.

Yeah, that's my guy.

Style point.

Style point.

All right.

That's a style point.

That was pretty good.

That's a style point.

That was funny.

He pointed to himself.

He made it funny.

Okay, are you guys ready for the final game?

Yeah.

So for our listeners that have been following along since the beginning of the season, we came up with 12 random games.

Well, not random games.

Dante put a lot of thought into them.

Thank you, Dante.

They were beautiful.

It was my helmet from remedial school.

Also.

You do know what that meant?

Apparently from remedial dimension 20.

So every round, we would roll a D12 and remove a game.

Jesus Christ.

This boy is far behind us.

And we would eliminate a game until we get to the finals, where there is no more games.

So for the finals, we had our contestants go ahead and build a character each at level 12.

And what the final round is.

I've been saying it since the beginning.

What I wanted from this was a giant kumite where our friends fight to the death.

And the cult finally gave us a way through.

You guys are Gonna be playing as your characters.

You're gonna 1v1.

I know it's discouraged in regular campaigns.

Outgoing PvP.

Blood for the blood.

God, I would have gotten all support spells if I knew I would not do.

And that's why we didn't tell you what the thing was.

This has always been.

This has always been the end goal.

I'm so glad we Both decided on 69 HP.

Yes.

They start with 69 HP.

Yeah.

All right.

She said that she's editing.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm at 69.

Okay.

Nice.

Ayo, nice.

All right.

And through the magic of the wonder of D and D and theater of the mind, thanks to the cult and Dante's powers of transportation, we're gonna.

We're gonna shift you guys to your our first location.

Are you guys ready?

You guys got your spells equipped?

You guys got your studded armors?

Are y' all stretched in limber always?

All right, Dante, take us away.

All right, my lovely contestants, we are now going to beginning in our lovely tavern basement.

I want you to picture a cockfighting ring of sorts.

We have roaring drunken patrons all around us, cheering, throwing bottles.

It's going to be a regular scrap fest.

The lighting is dim, the floors are damp, sticky in spots.

See what you can do to add to the the canvas that we have ahead of us.

Ew.

I don't want to add to this canvas.

It's sticky.

Guys, welcome to our battle ring basement.

And as per the cult's funding, we were able to get you guys just a nice little.

A nice little treat here for each of you guys.

Every round we're gonna randomly roll to see what item you guys are gonna get.

I'm gonna give you guys just a random generated generated item.

And then you guys will lose it by the end of the round.

And then you guys will gain a new one at the start of the next round.

Wow, that could be game changing actually.

Alright, will one of you guys roll a D6 for me so I can determine the rarity of what you guys are going to be getting?

Oh.

Do you want to do it or shall I?

Oh, you.

Because I can't figure out where to die.

Oh, there we are.

Do it again.

Okay, do it.

All right.

5 Gets you very rare.

Good roll.

Good roll.

Are you ready?

Mm.

All right, Lilith, your item is going to be the Sky Weavers tapestry.

It's a wondrous item.

Very rare.

You can speak a command word as an action to make this carpet hover and fly.

It has a flying speed of 80ft and can carry up to 800 pounds.

It moves according to your spoken directions while you're within 30ft of it.

A whole new world.

Yep.

You get a magic carpet.

Oh, okay.

Not a new fantastic point of view.

All right, Andre, you get the Stormbreakers warhammer.

I am so sorry.

It's a warhammer.

It's very rare.

It requires attunement, so you're gonna have to figure out a moment to do that.

Cool.

You gain a plus 3 bonus to attacks and damage rolls.

And once per day, when you hit with an attack, you can call down lightning, forcing the T the target to make a DC17 dexterity saving throw.

Or take an extra 66 lightning damage.

Versus Thor.

Maybe.

Don't use that.

Don't use that effect.

I don't want you blowing holes in our roof.

Yeah.

Dante took all our funding.

So what?

Repairs?

Not likely.

Yeah, I don't think the cult wants to spend more money on us.

I had an event here last night.

That's why the floors are sticky.

Ew.

That doesn't make it better.

We figured it was an event.

We figured something broke.

Unless the floors just ooze.

Alrighty.

I mean, Dante's only slimes.

You know it slime speaks for itself.

All righty, guys.

Welcome to the Battle Dungeon.

The Battle Basement.

We couldn't afford the dildo dungeon.

He would have rented out to us.

Welcome to the Battle Dungeon.

You guys roll Initiative.

Okay, get started.

All right.

That's about enough of that song as we can afford.

Yep.

All right.

Wait, did I not roll Initiative?

Oh, that was yours.

Okay.

I saw the dice roll when I clicked it, and I was like, oh, it's such a high roll.

And apparently I clicked the word and the number and you rolled a 21.

And I was like.

And then.

But it has seven.

It's all right.

We still got 69 health points, so nothing's gone wrong.

Okay.

With that, I believe our first move is going to be made by Anita Hardcock.

Yeah, that's me.

Nobody gave her that name, by the way.

She chose it.

I'm right.

I chose it.

And you could put that on record.

All right, that has been added into evidence.

I can change my username now.

Alrighty.

Okay.

In that case, I do have this cool magic carpet.

Can I simply mount the carpet and use it as a way to just move?

Of course.

All right, I'm going to surfboard style this magic carpet, and I'm just gonna stand on it and look dope as fuck, because I know after one round, it's gonna disappear.

And If I am in the air, I will fall, and I will not fall into that trap.

So plausibly, how far away are we from each other?

To start fair, we'll give you guys a good 60ft.

Got a pretty big basement.

Okay.

Just a lot of, like, space to be sticky.

When you think about it, it's actually really impressive.

We fill it wall to wall.

Nuts to butts here.

Oh.

Which was my concern.

So that does actually make me more concerned about the stickiness.

We're going to take away Dante's keys for his actual after hours activities.

So I'm good at breaking and entering.

Okay.

If that's what you want to call it there, bud.

So luckily, in this case, I am a rogue.

So I can use my movement of 30ft, and then I can use my bonus action to dash the remaining 30ft and close the distance.

Can you do a shot?

Why wouldn't I be able to,.

Judges?

I'll allow it.

I mean it.

You're the boss.

I agree.

Oh, wait, that just up what I wanted to do.

Oh, I already said it.

She dashes off the rug.

I went, oh, wait, I needed my bonus action.

That's fine.

In that case, I will.

I do that every damn time.

Okay, I will take a swing at him with my scimitar.

I'll just go, hey.

And swing.

All right, roll a hit.

It's a 16 to hit a 16.

Let's go.

Oh, wait.

Cutting words.

Gosh,.

You're like, oh, my God.

No,.

It's.

So I just need to check what my.

If it's a D10.

No, bird, quickly.

I think it's either D8 or a D10.

That by cutting words and little 10.

Detained.

Perfect.

All right, I'm rolling a D10 real quick.

And it would be subtracted from whatever you roll to hit.

You went on eight, then you went to two.

Why would you do that?

Anyway, my Armor class is 14, so you still hit.

Oh, wow, what a shame for you.

And slashing and.

Hang on.

I always forget how this works.

Oh, okay, never mind.

I used my movement, so I can't do that.

Okay.

I guess I'm just stuck there because I totally messed up my action economy on what I wanted to do.

So.

So as you're zipping through the air, you swing down, and that's a nasty cut Andre's got on his chest now.

Yeah.

And then my carpet abruptly stops because I ran out of movement and I miscalculated.

But hey, my cutting words is just like, not the face, but you weren't aiming for My face.

Anyway.

Oh, no.

You don't have 69 hit points anymore.

We gotta go back.

I gotta miss.

Wait.

How much damage did you do?

I did 10.

All right.

Damn.

Okay.

Not that much.

Not that much as I'm bleeding.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

I think that's the end of my turn.

I'm just kind of floating on my carpet.

Dante.

Do I know why I'm in this basement?

Is this sticky basement?

I offered you a beverage yesterday.

You accepted.

I don't know what to tell you, man.

Damn it.

Every time.

I don't know why I keep offering beverages.

It's just that they mix the margaritas so good.

Here, here For a good time.

Not a long time.

No, it's going to be a long time.

Oh.

Oh, heavens.

All right, well, I'm going to.

Oh, but then 63.

I'm pretty sure you can move that.

That won't help our budget.

Oh,.

Are you.

It's a sim tire you said you use.

Right?

That's what I used last time.

But I do have two weapons in my hand.

I see you're only wearing studded leather, right?

There's no.

There's no.

Only wearing.

Nothing else.

And in your hand is a simtar.

On what?

A scimitar And a sort short.

So.

Yeah.

And a pair of shorts.

Yeah, sure.

No, a short sword.

All right.

I'mma just do bonus action.

Heat.

Wait, no.

Heat metal.

Not bonus action, but I'm going just drop a heat metal.

And that's short sword.

Yeah.

Because you've been.

I think you're holding on to too many things, and if you can just, like, let go.

I'm going around 2D8.

There's no.

There's no sale for this.

You just.

Okay, 2d8.

If you're gonna win my 69 hit points, that's on you.

Because honestly, I think that's the worst thing you could do in this situation.

But go ahead.

The thing with 69 is about mutual.

Jesus.

Mutual reassured destruction.

Why am I seeing healing Word like five times, but I'm not seeing my heat metal, which was the first one I put on here.

Oh, it's showing me something.

Work on me if you want.

That's okay.

I haven't taken any damage.

There's no point.

Friends.

Where is my.

Oh, damn.

I apparently just cast a spell that I don't see on my sheet.

All right, well, I do that.

I guess I use something else.

You see Anita Hardcock flinch and get ready for.

For the heat.

And it never comes.

This should be the first one I've put on.

I don't see it at all.

Oh, my God.

All right, Healing.

One of my favorite ones to use very close alphabetically.

If you just press healing word twice or something, I don't know how it works.

All right, in that case, I'll just do this.

Or not.

Whispers, because at least it's on the sheet.

Whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper.

Why is it like.

Oh, there we go.

I just hear Joe going, little bitch.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

You roll against this or not?

Whispers.

Wisdom.

Save Wisdom to beat a 17.

17.

Yeah,.

No, that's not gonna say four damage, though.

Four damage.

But you have to get as far away from me as possible.

Okay.

And then I'm going to get away from you in the opposite direction.

Where the hell is my helmet?

Ah, you're running.

Yeah.

Why are you running?

I just.

Was it four damage, right?

Yeah.

Sounds so sad.

Yeah, because the thing I wanted to do is a dare for some reason, but it's okay.

I did the same thing where I, like, got really excited, and then I was like, I'm gonna do this.

Then I was like, oh, where is this?

Wait, it's okay.

It makes the chaos.

Makes it all the better.

All right, is it my turn then?

No.

Oh, no.

Oh, right.

No movement.

Andre.

Oh, I move as far away as possible.

Yeah.

I'm assuming that's like 30ft, right?

Yeah, for.

Okay, just for range purposes.

So it should be up about 60ft away, because this and out with Buzz would force you to move away if you move.

That's not a problem.

Okay, You said I only get my carpet for one round, right?

Oh, like battle round.

Like, not turn.

Like the whole combat.

Oh, okay.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

Never mind.

Okay, so I suppose I have to get as far away as I possibly can.

So I'll use 30ft of movement to get back.

Then I have to use my bonus action dash as well, correct?

Is that what you're implying?

Yeah.

Okay, so that means I'm what, like 90ft back now?

Wait, no, no, no, no, no.

I thought you were getting back closer to me or.

Uses your reaction to move away.

Oh, okay, so I just.

So I'm.

You move normally now.

Okay, so I do get closer.

Then I'm not gonna go.

Not going to go another 60ft back.

So I will.

Okay, I'm going to use my movement, which is 30ft.

I'm going to as close as I can, and then I shall.

That would make me 60ft away from you, so I will bonus action dash again.

And I'm not gonna lie, I apparently don't have many ranged options.

So instead I am going to ready an attack with my scimitar on the condition that you get within range.

Ah,.

That's my turn, I suppose.

Kind of boring, but smart on you.

All right, I'm just game.

I'mma just put up a or well, you go knock this out of me.

I feel like.

But I'mma put up aura of a vitality just in case.

Okay.

Healing energy radiates within a 30 foot radius.

The aura moves centered on me.

And then I can use a bonus action to cause one creature in the aura to regain 2D6 hit points.

Are you within 30ft of me?

Yes.

I would be exactly 30ft away from you right now.

All right.

You see, just healing energy radiates around you and just like envelop you in warmth.

And then it moves from you back to me and heals me for 8 HP.

Because that hurt a lot when you stopped me.

Oh.

Now I kind of feel bad.

But not that to do it again.

All right.

That was my move.

And there's no space to move back.

Is there a cover I can just like move behind?

Nope.

This is all in the open.

Okay, fine.

I'll figure that out.

Okay.

I love how I read that ability wrong.

So I will go and close the distance.

Damn it.

You weren't counting on that, were you?

And I am going to first and foremost swing with my short sword.

Yes.

See, I worked out all like the order of I have to do stuff before and I just forgot all of it.

So I'm gonna attack you to start with my short sword.

Gasp.

Not the gasp.

It's a 18.

It's a 26 to hit.

26.

That definitely.

Oh, bad please.

All right.

And that'll be.

Hey, you did.

Oh no.

I rolled one.

I'm gonna just hellish rebuke you at the same time.

Wow.

How dare you.

Okay, that's a deck save, right?

Okay.

And that is.

Oh, 11 damage.

You rolled out one.

I did.

But I also have uncanny dodge.

So I'm gonna take my reaction and half the damage, half that.

Okay, the is half of 11.

I think you round down so five, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My hair is rebuilt.

Is like.

Damn it.

I heard.

All right.

Okay.

I the disperse are gone, but I just hear Joe again.

Go little.

I've never met her, but her little was run free in my mind.

All right, so I need to take off five damage.

And I also need to do a constitution saving.

Oh boy.

Wait, I have to or you have to?

Oh, you have to.

Vitality I only roll a five.

It's gone.

It's.

That's okay.

You healed a little bit.

It.

Surely it'll be.

It wasn't completely useless, surely.

Okay, well, that was my action, so I used my movement and action.

I'm going to use my bonus action to make an offhand attack, which I do get with advantage because I have weapon mastery of my short sword, which I wasn't aware was a thing, but according to 5e, apparently it is, so I'm not going to argue.

So this time, I am doing it with my simitar.

Real good.

Right?

That's a two.

Yeah.

Don't hit.

Oh, I get advantage.

Oh, yes.

18.

Yep, that hits.

Okay.

Seven damage.

All right.

Okay.

And I think I used all my movement, actually, so I can't get back.

Well, I can help you get back, but another is an at whisper.

Wait, how does my sneak attack apply?

Because that should deal an extra 66, but I don't see how to use that.

So do I just roll another 66 because I got advantage on that.

Yeah, roll another 66.

What was the advantage?

I poked you with my shortsword.

And because of my weapon mastery, if I land a hit on you with that, I get advantage on my next attack.

Ah, okay, I see, I see, I see.

Yeah, if you hit a creature with a short sword and deal damage to it, you have advantage on your next attack.

Roll against that creature before the end of your next turn, so.

Oh, God damn.

Yeah, it's.

It's.

You know.

Oh, here it is.

So that's an extra 19 damage.

Jesus.

Okay, it has gotten serious 19.

But I can't move back, so I'm still in melee from you.

That's.

That's.

That's good to know.

For me, a spellcaster and a bard.

Hey, you started with 69 HP as a bard.

I think that's, like,.

Magic.

All right.

I think I'm on 36.

Y' all can check my math.

That should be right.

All right, guys, things been getting serious, and honestly, at this point, I'm starting to panic a little bit.

I have death word.

Yeah.

All right.

I won't survive my next turn if I own the death ward, though, so here we go.

Yeah, it's real tough choices.

I wish I had a turn to, like, take out my spine steed, but since that isn't an option.

God, I don't think I can survive the next turn for only.

Okay, here we go.

We're going big.

I was going Polymorph into a T. Rex, and.

That's awesome.

Honestly, how big is this place?

Will I break it?

No, I believe you'd fit.

Let's see if I do Polymorph.

We also have insurance on the top.

We have insurance.

You're fine.

I'm definitely gonna break concentration.

Oh, hold on.

Sorry, I'm doing this the other way around.

Okay, hold on.

It's so relatable.

I need to be a T. Rex.

Or do you need to be a mouse?

Give me, like, one.

I'm Julius Cheeser.

Now full circle.

If it's a Dex save, I'm not going to do it.

But that's what it's going to come down to, because I'm not giving a bar that.

Sorry, I'm not giving a rogue a Dex save.

I think it's a wisdom save, but you didn't hear it from me, because I would never help you like that.

Oh, my God.

It is a wisdom save.

Okay.

Put up T. Rex arms, and then I reconsider.

I'm like, okay, no, you'll be a mouse, and I just cast Polymorph on you.

Roll a wisdom save against a 17.

Oh, this will surely go in my favor.

As a nine.

And just in case.

Hold on.

Let me.

Let me just help you out a little bit.

I'm not just cutting words because minus three from whatever that is because I'm not getting stabbed again.

I'm not getting stabbed again.

Oh, no.

Okay, let me pull up what you say.

Mouse.

Yeah, me like, let me look up mouse stats real quick.

I think I've just been turned into a little, tiny mouse.

Yeah, that was not on what I was thinking was going to happen in this fight.

Nah, not me either.

I thought it would be a T. Rex, but here we are.

Okay, I found a rat.

Is that good enough?

That's fair.

Okay.

They're similar enough.

You can be all right.

You can be anything you want to be.

I was like, yeah, as long as the right or mouse.

Capybara.

All right, little rat is there.

That was my.

I have a bonus action.

Do I?

Oh, yeah, I can.

No, I can't.

Healing words.

So, okay, that's it for right now.

You are a rat.

It is your turn.

Okay.

If I'm rolling this, I can roll the save from this.

Polymorph correct.

Hold on.

Isn't that.

No.

Don't you roll, like, every turn to.

See if it stays.

Nope, nope.

This is just an aura.

Unless I get damage and drop concentration.

Or if you get to 0 hp.

Is it polymorph or is it true?

Polymorph no, just Polymorph.

Let me see.

Okay.

Transformation last for the duration.

Yeah, I think if I lose my hit points in the Polymorph form, I automatically go back, right?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

In that case.

Okay, you.

Oh, you have your bonus action.

Sorry, can I just grab her?

Yeah, fuck it.

I'll give you the grab feed as a bonus action.

I'll roll for it.

But, like, I see this suicidal rat's eyes, and I'm like, how did you.

Know I was gonna do that?

I was going to do a dexterity roll and see what happens.

Oh, my.

How did you know I was gonna do that?

Like a trap in the.

That's a 11.

Oh, my God.

To grab you the way.

I can't believe you clocked that.

The way.

The first thing I was thinking was, well, if I jump off my flying carpet as a rat, then I'll take fall damage and I'll just revert back.

See, that's smart.

I would have tried.

That's smart.

I would have tried to find, like, a little rat gun,.

Some cheese, a little rat noose.

It's only 11.

Can roll higher than that.

Your dex is zero now, but it's probably just if it's just an 11.

Okay.

Am I rolling against your save?

Is that what's happening?

Oh, let me leave it to the DM As.

Explain it one more time.

Describe it.

Oh, I was rolling to grab the rat.

Let's do strength versus dexterity.

Oh, I have a manus.

That's worse.

This is getting good.

18.

That's a three from me.

Oh, that was close, though.

Fight, rat, fight.

The crowd's, like, going wild right now in that tavern.

Yeah, rat.

Usually we have cockfights down here.

This is different.

Oh, dear God.

All right.

It's not what you think.

They're chanting.

They're like, throw the rat.

Throw the rat.

That's my turn.

Spike the rat.

Spike the rat.

Actually.

Actually, yeah, I'm all right.

I'm gonna just crawl up on that carpet and make it straight up in the air.

Cause who gonna stop me?

All right, that's fair.

The carpet might.

Hold on.

Should we roll?

Should we roll to see if the carpet refuses?

I'm gonna roll and see if the carpet resists.

That's a one the carpet ain't doing.

Yeah, I mean, your carpet's got no loyalty to you.

Yeah, the red count is great.

The loyalty isn't.

Oh, shoot.

I'm gonna leave you there as a rat.

You.

I couldn't grab you in time, so you're.

Whatever you want to do, But I'm up here on this carpet.

Okay, great.

I'm going 30ft in the air.

I'm pretty certain the carpet kind of listens to what I have to say, but I'll.

You know, you can stay on my carpet if you want.

Right now, I'm a rat.

I got bigger cheeses to shred, so I'm gonna.

If it is my turn, I will proceed with my original plan.

And I am going to throw myself off the carpet in the most dramatic rat way possible with, like, my favorite legs in the air.

I love that for you.

I'm casting Featherfall.

He is prepared.

You gotta love a prepared bar.

So, like, as you jump, you just see the ground coming at you here, and then just.

You start floating down.

Surround you.

As you float gently to the ground,.

You hear a really disgruntled rat squeak.

Yeah, well, I'm seeing what I can do as a rat.

In that case, you know what?

My rad stats are letting me pull it up, so I have to look at it really tiny.

I am going to.

Okay, if I'm assuming that was my movement, because.

Yeah, yeah.

In that case, I'm just gonna bite myself.

It's a plus zero to hit, so I'm just gonna roll a D20, I guess.

How do you get to just a singular dice?

I hate this stuff.

I always get it confused with the other.

On your sheet, there should be a little dice.

The D20 at the corner.

You just click on that.

I almost want to say it's like, bottom left.

Yeah, I think it's bottom left.

I don't see any days.

It won't even let me come.

Okay, can I just roll my regular attack and not add the plus I have?

Yeah, that's fine.

You also should be able to just roll a D20.

Oh, it is on the bottom left.

Yeah, I rolled a 16 without the bonus.

So my armor class as a rat is 10.

God damn.

So I'm going to bite myself, and I take exactly one piercing damage, and my hit points are one.

Oh, my God.

Okay,.

So in theory, that should end the Polymorph.

Yeah, yeah.

That will bring you back to you.

And you just see me kind of like doing the thing that, like, animals do where they're, like, biting their leg, but I'm biting my arm, and I'm like, yeah, bravo.

Bravo.

Wondrous play by Miss Hardcock.

Yeah.

Hardcock.

Okay.

Hardcock.

Hardcock.

Wait, what?

Yeah, damn.

Right part the rat.

In that case, for my bonus action, I am going to.

I could Kick you off my carpet.

But I think instead.

Are you gonna.

I'm trying to feed off.

Yeah, you're on the ground.

But the carpet, like, listens to me, I think.

Yeah, that's what you mean.

Did you ever attune to it?

I don't think the carpet has attunement.

No, the carpet doesn't have attunement.

It's only his hammer.

So I think whoever's on it is its master.

No, this is gonna be like king of the island when your kids pushing each other.

You know what it we're running on?

We're going on to that rule.

You king of the hill rules.

All right, you know.

Bet, bet.

In that case, as my bonus action, I am going to.

I guess it doesn't really matter if I can't find a place to hide.

Okay, as my bonus action, I'm gonna be a jerk and I'm gonna see if I can find another rat on the sticky ass floor.

And I'm going to hold it up.

Go.

Yeah, that's gonna be my bonus action.

Roll for rat.

I was gonna say roll investigation.

BS roll for rat.

I can roll investigation.

Let's say DC10.

It would probably be lower.

I don't feel like our tavern's very clean.

All right, I'm just gonna hold it up triumphantly.

Yeah.

All right.

There's just stuck in the sticky floor like glue traps, you know.

Oh, gross, gross, gross, gross.

Between my hand and like my short sword.

And it just looks like I'm trying to position it so it looks like the rat's holding the sword.

All right, that's pretty sick.

That's a style point.

Rat with the sword.

Are you gonna use the rat as a projectile weapon?

Because,.

You know, there's the one drunk guy in the corner going, punto rat.

All right, I guess that's my turn.

That was a random answer.

I like it.

I literally just beat yourself as I rise.

I tried to commit rat self death and then radicide.

Oh, wait, we're not on YouTube.

I can't get demonetized, but whatever.

And then I.

It's called pesticide.

Does a rat count as an improvised weapon for Tavern Brawler?

I'll allow it.

Some rat Chucks.

Ratchets.

I guess that's my turn.

I came in with such, like, a, like, plan and it was so efficient and wonderful and it's just not.

Not once have I used it.

Lilith.

The best.

Sorry, let me take another go at that.

The best laid plans of mice and men.

I'm a cast eldritch Blast.

Oh, that was.

What was the role you rolled for damage instead of to hit.

I just say that because you probably.

Roll better if you rolled a hit.

I see.

All right, I'm gonna roll the hit.

Okay, that's just the four.

Oh, 13.

That does not hit.

All right, let me try again.

25.

Yeah, that'll hit.

Five plus five damage.

That's 10.

Okay.

I have so many of these blasts, by the way.

No big deal.

I'm supposed to have, I think, five of them at this level.

Hold on.

Four or five at 12 level 12 Eldritch Blast.