In this companion episode to The Queenager Podcast episode with Dr Nighat Arif (S1 E3), Eleanor Mills and Wendy Lloyd discuss the biggest takeaways from Dr Nighat, women's health explainer and campaigner.

You'll find the inspirational takeaways from Dr Nighat so you can take action and make positive change in your life.

Eleanor Mills is the founder of NOON, the UK's leading network for midlife women. She's also author of the bestselling book Much More to Come.

Wendy Lloyd is a Women’s Centred transformational coach. To find out how Wendy can support you through your midlife reinvention, visit www.dramafreeyou.com and book a FREE 30 minute coaching call.

  Welcome to the Queenager debrief with me, Eleanor Mills. In these companion episodes to the Queenager podcast, I review what we learned from each guest with Women's Centre transformational coach, Wendy Lloyd, so that you can take action and make positive change in your own life. The Queen Ager podcast is brought to you by Begin, the age renewal skincare experts.

Stay tuned for how details on how to secure a heavily discounted bottle of their gold standard skin solution. Wendy, hello again. Hey there. This time it's the turn of GP and menopause inclusivity campaigner, Dr. Nighat Arif. What did we learn from Nighat? What was your first takeaway? Well, I just loved the emphasis on, you know, making sure that we make individual holistic.

Dick choices about health and menopause and obviously she's contextualizing it in a way that really is just so inclusive and just really, I think it just helps all women recognize even more how, you know, our experience at this time of their life, biologically and otherwise is so individual and it's so empowering, I think, to hear a doctor saying, trust your own body.

Make your own choices in line with that. And yes, obviously we, we have to look at, you know, the, the advice of experts and, and. research things, but it's important that we're not bullied into things. And I think that really is something we all need to take away from that, because as we know, the conversation has expanded about menopause and with that comes a certain amount of confusion, but it is actually viable.

We just need to trust ourselves and seek information that is in line with what's going on for us. Yeah, I think if anyone's confused about that, Nighat's book, The knowledge is absolutely brilliant on some of the questions that you might want to ask your doctor. But I think what's really important is not, for, for people not to feel that they should be taking HRT.

I don't take HRT. Um, and I don't because I feel okay without it. And there are lots of people who can't take it because they've got breast cancer or, you know, have had breast cancer. So, I just think it's really important that we understand about menopause that it's really not one size fits all. And actually, I was reading another thing this week about, and Dr.

Nighat talks about this too, how the jury is really out on this link between, um, taking HRT and a minimised risk of Alzheimer's or dementia. And not to feel, as you say, not to feel bullied. And I think that's the thing is that, um, you know, she, I think she really set the tone on that, set the context. You know, she did talk about how, um, you know, obviously there are certain aspects of HRT that there is an awful lot more support about.

So I think, you know, she did a really, you know, I think we can. you know, if we're wanting to know a bit more about HRT, I think she kind of helped us, you know, understand a sort of broader understanding of what we do know in terms of osteoporosis, you know, and there is still, um, you know, there's potentially some, um, protective elements against, um, stroke and, um, protective for heart health.

So all these things are kind of in play. And I think that what we kind of, it's important to take away from that is recognizing that the research is so ongoing. So when it comes to HRT, we perhaps don't need to take a full and final call on it. We might say, okay, well, I don't feel like I need it right now.

And what I'm understanding about it doesn't work for me. But it's important to stay curious and open minded and I love the fact that she talks a lot, a lot about topical vaginal oestrogen and she's a big advocate of that and not least because you know, very recently that has been agreed that that is fine for women who've had breast cancer.

Yeah, and it's something that people are often quite squeamish about. And I have to say as a result of, this may be oversharing, but as a result of my conversation with Dr Nigga, I did go and get some stuff called Gina, which you can buy over the counter, which is just like tiny pills that you insert. Um, you know, into, into the top of your uterus, just like you would like a Tampax.

And I think that that is amazing. She talks about the importance of, um, moisturizing that area. And also, um, COWL, that kind of tiny bit of local estrogen really, really helps, um, with, with sex, actually, as we get older, which is really important and preventing UTIs and thrush and stuff like that. So absolutely, that is kind of like if you're having any discomfort down there, you probably need the vaginal oestrogen and you can take that whatever I don't take HLT, but I do take that.

Yeah, you can take that whatever. And I will never forget her talking about how when she's an old lady and she goes into an old people's home, she's told her sons, she's only got sons, not daughters, how to give her the Gina because she doesn't want to be a lady, an old lady, who's kind of itching down there as she gets old.

I thought that was some of the best advice any of us have ever had. Exactly. And you really do want to check out the episode if you haven't heard it to hear her kind of whole telling the story of this. It's absolutely beautiful. And the other thing to remember is that Niga is an, uh, an imam's daughter.

She's like the vicar's daughter in her kind of Muslim community. She's the daughter of this very eminent Muslim imam. So for her to be talking about these things in her culture has been Been really seen as very scandalous. So she is incredibly brave. Yeah. And she gets really horribly trolled and she wears it incredibly lightly.

She sails around like a swan. She looks so beautiful. She's so eloquent on TV and stuff. I actually think she's like the British Oprah. Um, and I think we're gonna see a lot more of, um, Dr. Niger and I. I really cannot tell you how impressed I am by her, by her intelligence, by her bravery, and by the way she talks about such taboo topics in Urdu and Pashto, oh, all over TikTok.

I mean, she is really changing people's lives. Absolutely she is. Yeah, no, it's fantastic. And it was, it was a really interesting chat. And I really loved also, I think the final takeaway. has to be about the fact that she makes the big point about her book about menopause being for men, about how, you know, as women, we are invested in this conversation.

We are now having this conversation. Now it's time to get the guys on board. And I thought her story about the patient she had, a male patient who had high blood pressure, and, uh, you know, through asking a few questions and working out what was going on at home, um, you know, she, she ended up realizing that, you know, The wife needed some menopause support, and once she was on it and having it, his blood pressure went down.

So the fact that there is this massive knock on, and so I think there's a really important takeaway there. about us, you know, not falling into the default of thinking that we only have these, you know, yes, we're having all these conversations with each other now as women, bring the men into the conversation.

And then that's really where there's an understanding. And I know there's a flip side to that, making sure that we don't, you know, especially in the workplace, have people knowing about what's going on for us and holding it against us. But, you know, there's a fine line to tread, but I think we can do that and include men in the conversation.

I think it's really important. One of the lovely things that I saw at the Labour Party conference, because we had this big Queen Age ball, was all, we gave everyone a tiara when they came in. And there were loads of men who came to the party. And wore the tiara. And then they were wearing the tiara all the way around Labour conference and everyone was going, oh, I want a tiara too.

So suddenly we've gone from being like, women over 45 had gone from being like, not really a club anyone wants to go to. But as being the party that everyone wanted to be at the conference, which I thought was great. Just on that business about the kind of menopausal lens, because I've just come today from a big lunch about the Women in Work Summit run by the menopause mandate people.

And I saw Dr. Ng out there actually. And she, um, they, I mean, I think what they've done is brilliant in terms of making sure that all women now have equal rights. access to information around menopause and also making it mandatory for doctors to have menopause training. I mean, finally, finally, until last year, no one's going to believe this.

It was not mandatory for doctors to learn about menopause, even though it affects half the population. So that always makes me cross. But, um, the other thing that I think is really important and I talked to Davina McCall about this when I did the big Instagram live with her and her and on her podcast is we don't want to be seen through a menopausal lens.

We want doctors to know. what to do, but we don't necessarily want to be put in a kind of hot pink, hot flush box. It's why I talk about Queen Agers, not walking hot flushes. And I also think when I go into companies and there are these poor kind of older women having to talk about their vaginal atrophy or their kind of HRT, because they kind of think everyone should be talking about menopause.

I don't actually think that's that empowering. I don't think you would say to a whole load of senior men, you know, tell us about your Viagra years, how's the limp dick club. And so I think it's really important that we. that while we need the medical care and it should be there for us at this point, we don't want to be seen through a menopausal lens.

We're Queen Agers, not walking hot flushes. And also there's a hell of a lot more going on for us. And actually post menopause in America now it's being seen as the upgrade. There's lots of research, which says that our brains actually get, you know, more tuned up that we become more acute. So I don't think anyone should be seeing menopausal women as somehow lesser than.

No, absolutely. And suppose, so maybe perhaps the big takeaway there about expanding the conversation to men is still doing that selectively and ensuring that we, you know, take into consideration that, um, there is the possibility that someone uses as a power play against us. So we share it with the men who we know in our life.

are not going to do that. Yeah, who love us, who are our intimates. Exactly. But I think this is an intimate conversation. Yes. And just, you know, we don't want to get fired because we, we're feeling bad and we need some extra sleep or we don't want to come into work. So we want those protections. But at the same time, I don't think we should have to wear our kind of, you know, HRT on our sleeves when it comes to these conversations.

I agree with you. Oh. To work with Wendy and be supported through your midlife reinvention, visit her website dramaforyou. com and book a free 30 minute coaching call. That's it for the Queen Agent debrief. For more resources, check out our website noon. org. uk and sign up to my weekly Queen Agent newsletter.

And there's my book, Much More to Come, Lessons on the Magnificence and Mayhem of Midlife, which has just been published by HarperCollins. Thanks to our sponsor, Begin, the age renewal skincare experts. We all like to look our healthiest, glowing best, particularly in midlife, which is why Begin's expert dermatology team use gold standard ingredients to formulate the perfect skin solution, uniquely for you.

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It's usually 29. 99 a bottle, so don't miss this terrific deal. Next time, we'll discuss what we learned from author and leadership coach, Dr. Lucy Ryan. It might just be that women may be the one group that grows more radical with age, I've decided. Yeah, that's why I love your revolting women thing. Thanks for listening and being a part of the QueenAger revolution.