The #1 Predictor of Health and Happiness (Hint: It’s Not Exercise or Diet!)

What if the secret to lifelong health wasn’t about your workout routine or what’s on your plate but about who’s sitting across the table from you?

In this episode, we dive into the groundbreaking Harvard Study of Adult Development (the world’s longest-running study on happiness) and the incredible science showing that relationships are the most powerful predictor of long-term health.

You’ll learn:

• How strong friendships protect against heart disease, diabetes, and even dementia
• Why women’s health benefits especially from quality connections
• The “tend and befriend” stress response that lowers cortisol and boosts resilience
• How social fitness compares to physical fitness (spoiler: it’s surprisingly close!)
• Practical tips for building deeper, more joyful connections

Whether you’re catching up with a bestie, joining a new group, or just craving more connection, this episode is your reminder that friendship isn’t optional—it’s essential.

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The #1 predictor of a happy & healthy life: https://wellness-big-sis-the-pod.captivate.fm/episode/29-the-1-predictor-of-a-happy-healthy-life-plus-creating-cozy-fall-vibes-dating-your-friends/

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/04/opinion/riffing-banter-friendship-connection.html 

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00:00- 00:17 Intro

00:18- 00:22 Introduction to November's Theme: Friendships and Gratitude

00:23- 00:37 The Number One Predictor of a Happy and Healthy Life

00:38- 02:25 Importance of Relationships in Wellness

02:26- 05:21 Research Studies on Relationships and Health

05:22- 07:47 Gender Differences in Relationship Benefits

07:48- 13:38 Social Fitness vs. Physical Fitness

13:39- 14:14 Neap Protein 

14:15- 20:00 The Power of Riffing Over Small Talk

20:01- 25:26 Friendsgiving Hosting Tips and Tricks

25:27- 27:08 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Mentioned in this episode:

Neap

for me, November is all about friendships

and gratitude and enjoying time together.

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So let's dive in to the number one

predictor of a happy and healthy life.

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And it might not be what you think it is.

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Welcome back to Wellness of the Pod.

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I'm your host, Dr.

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Kelsey Vic, a board certified orthopedic

doctor of physical therapy and a

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pelvic floor physical therapist.

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So every year so far, this is only year

two of the podcast, but I've done some

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version of this episode because I really

do think it is so important to talk about

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this side of wellness and what better

month to do it in than November, where

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we're already focusing on gratitude

and friendships and relationships.

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We're about to start the holidays with.

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American Thanksgiving and Christmas

and all of the other holidays that

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sort of surround this time of year.

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So I always like to do an episode

on this topic because as much as

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we talk about our musculoskeletal

system, our physiology, neuroscience.

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mental health, physical health, spiritual

health, all of that sort of stuff, the

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actual number one predictor of a happy and

healthy life has been found and researched

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to be the quality of your relationship.

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So I feel like it's very important to

chat about it because we can get so

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caught up in all of the biohacking and

the physical and the learning about

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our bodies when a lot of the time

it is that happy hour with friends.

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That can be more important

than your hour gym time a week.

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Investing not only in your physical

health but also in the quality

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of relationships is huge for

our overall health and wellness.

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So I'll link the episode that

I did last year on this exact

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topic so that you can refer back.

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But I'm gonna update the research a

little bit, present a few new studies,

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present a few of the older studies we

talked about last year, and just refocus

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and reset and just give an alternative

way of viewing health and wellness.

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More than just the physical, more

than just the musculoskeletal.

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More than just the neurological.

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I really wanna put all of that aside

and chat about the importance of

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relationships and quality relationships,

especially as it relates to our overall

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health, but then also our happiness.

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So let's get into it.

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We're gonna start off by presenting

a few of the studies and the research

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on relationships and how they relate

to different components of our health.

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And then at the end, I always like

to do a little bit of a Friendsgiving

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guide and things that I look for

when hosting Friendsgiving, or

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things that I like to pay attention

to when hosting Friendsgiving.

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So it'll be a fun little girly chat

about the importance of quality

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relationships and then also a little

bit of a Friendsgiving chat at the end.

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If you are.

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Going to be hosting a Friendsgiving.

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So one of the most popular studies

in the field of relationships is the

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Harvard Study of Adult Development, and

it's been going on for 85 plus years.

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There's been different

directors throughout its time.

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It started off males, now it's

starting to incorporate more females.

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So it's one of the longest running

studies, and it's the sort of probably

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number one study that is referred

to when talking about how important

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relationships are in our lives,

in our health and our happiness.

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So it's an 85 plus year study

on the top contributors of

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lifelong health and happiness.

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So they didn't really even start

off researching about relationships.

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That's just what has been shown through

this study is that relationships are super

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important and now they're actually getting

to the point where they're studying.

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The kids and the grandkids of

the original participants to see

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what is the genetic component.

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If someone has high quality

relationships, How does that

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affect generations after them?

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So the primary finding of

the study has been strong.

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Relationships are the primary predictor

of long-term health and happiness.

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Those with the warmest connections

towards others were less likely to develop

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heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, and

they had better immune system function

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and better recovery from sickness.

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Overall, they say social fitness might

be even more important than physical

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fitness, and I know gasp Kelsey, the

Doctor of physical therapy is saying that.

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But this study is one that I like

to point out because we can get

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so caught up in the weeds with all

of the physical that we forget.

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One of the most important things

that we can invest in is our

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relationships with others.

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So Dr.

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Robert Waldinger, the current director

of the study, says that loneliness kills,

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it's as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.

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So let that sink in a little

bit because that is a very

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strong statement to make.

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Another landmark study in this field

came from Holt and Stead in 2010.

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They did a meta-analysis on social

relationships and mortality.

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So a meta-analysis is basically

the top tier research.

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It pulls together a lot of the

top quality studies and analyzes

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them across the board as a whole.

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So it's groups together,

the top studies in a field.

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And so overall, this pulled together

148 studies with over 308,000 people.

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So their findings were that people with

stronger social relationships had a 50%

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increased likelihood of survival compared

to those with weaker social relationships.

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And this was consistent across

age, sex, and health status.

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And this is one of the first studies

to show that quality relationships

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can actually help us live longer.

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This year specifically, I wanted

to look into how females benefit

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more from relationships compared

to men, or what are the differences

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between how females benefit from.

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A relationship compared to men or how

do we go about forming relationships?

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Are we better able to form

those deeper connections?

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I wanted to compare female to male

when it came to quality relationships.

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So for female specific, a woman's

health generally benefits more from

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quality relationships compared to

a man's health, but it is also more

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negatively impacted by social isolation.

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So on either sides of the extreme,

we benefit more from quality

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relationships, but we're also more

negatively impacted by social isolation.

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Women are better at providing

social support, relying on social

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support, and disclosing important

parts of their stories, which helps

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to build that social connection.

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So all of these are of course,

associated with friendship.

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High quality female friendships

specifically lead to lower blood pressure,

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reduced cardiovascular disease, and a

60% lower chance of premature death.

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quality female friendships can also

help lower cortisol levels in women who

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regularly engage with their close friends.

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Dr.

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Taylor out of UCLA who's one of the

primary researchers in this field, found

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that when faced with external stress,

women gravitate towards each other to

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help cope while also taking care of

others to help cope with that stress.

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So she called this way of handling

stress, the tend and befriend theory,

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or the tend and befriend way of

handling stress versus the fight or

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flight response that we're all very

familiar with, where women naturally

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want to take care of others, and

we also want to befriend others.

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When faced with that external stress,

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which I thought was interesting

because I do feel like women in general

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are more open with each other, more

willing to ask for guidance or help or.

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Sort of bond over challenges, which can

be that befriend part of the equation.

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But I hadn't really ever thought about

the tend part of the equation where

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we, when faced with stress of any

kind, we want to start to take care of

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others, which I feel like is a real.

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special thing about being a woman, I guess

that when faced with stress are, one of

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our immediate reactions is not to fight

or flight, but possibly to take care of

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others, which I think is really beautiful.

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So Dr.

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Taylor says This whole process of

tend and befriend is mediated by

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oxytocin release, which in turn

can help lower our cortisol levels.

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So that's with female

friendships specifically.

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But I also wanted to dive into our social

fitness versus our physical fitness.

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So how are our bodies, our minds,

benefiting from spending time on

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our relationships and improving

those quality relationships or.

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Investing in those quality relationships

versus our physical fitness.

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So what is the comparison and

contrasting nature of social

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fitness versus physical fitness?

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So from the physical fitness

standpoint, a high VO O2 max

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reduces mortality by 41 to 53%.

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And a VO two max is just, you can think

of it as a measure of our heart health.

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So comparing that to our social

fitness, strong social relationships.

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There's a 50% increased likelihood of

surviving, so it's very similar, 41

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to 53% if you have a high VO two max.

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So a high physical capacity, but

a 50% increase in the likelihood

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of survival with strong social

relationships or strong social fitness.

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So I thought that

comparison was interesting.

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Loneliness is associated with an

increased risk of obesity, physical

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inactivity, and an unhealthy diet.

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Obesity and social isolation combined

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. Leads to a greater mortality risk.

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So physical fitness, social

fitness, very closely connected.

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And if you add in isolation to the

equation, that can lead to poor

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physical fitness measures or statistics.

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And if you combine 'em together,

overall worse health for men and women.

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So overall quality of friendships lead

to, for both men and women, better

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coping, lower stressed, improved

blood pressure, and a 38% reduction in

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risk for dementia, and 21% reduction

in mild cognitive impairment.

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And I wanted to include that

statistic because I know a lot

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of us probably have loved ones

in our lives who struggled with.

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Memory loss, memory issues, and from

a very subjective standpoint, as a

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physical therapist, a lot of my older

patients who are super on top of it,

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both physically and mentally, they

have a super strong social network.

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They're always going out

to eat with other people.

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They're always, they're

busier than I am socially.

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They're.

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Going out to happy hours and

lunches and hanging out, talking

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on the phone with their friends.

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Those individuals in those later decades

of life are doing so much better compared

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to my patients who are socially isolated.

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I think the statistic is important

that your social relationships

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and your relationships with

others aren't only benefiting you

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physically, but also mentally as well.

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So why?

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How does this even work from

a physiological standpoint?

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Of course, I'm going to get

into the mechanism and ways

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that diving into your quality

relationships helps your physicality.

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I think it's so interesting,

but I also think the interplay

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between the two is interesting.

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Okay, So why, how does this even work?

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How do our social relationships and

the quality of our social relationships

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impact our physical health and our minds?

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So there's a few ways I'll go through

'em super duper quickly, but oxytocin

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release, reduces cortisol and our

stress response reduced inflammation.

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Overall, we've found reduced

inflammatory markers in those with

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higher quality social relationships.

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enhanced immunity with high quality social

relationships, which leads to an improved

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immune system and immune response.

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Overall improved health behaviors.

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socially connected people are more

likely to engage in healthy behaviors

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and avoid unhealthy behaviors.

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There's stress buffering, which leads

to emotional support during difficult

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times with high quality relationships.

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There's an overall sense of purpose.

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Relationships give us more meaning

and motivation to take care of

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ourselves because we feel like

other people are relying on us.

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There's cognitive protection, high

quality relationships maintains our

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mental sharpness and reduces mental

decline, and then there's better

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emotional regulation, meaning that

sharing our thoughts and feelings

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helps us to process emotions better.

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I know we all probably intuitively

understand this, but it's really cool

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to see that Not only does taking care

of our physical health actually affect

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us, which of course, duh, we all knew

that, but also actually investing in

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our social relationships and taking care

of our social relationships will also

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help our health and happiness long term.

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I don't know if any of you guys have

played the sport of paddle or padel.

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00:11:37,719 --> 00:11:39,819

I feel like it's just now

making its way to the states.

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And I know I have a few worldwide

listeners who have probably played it

207

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before, but we are really enjoying it.

208

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But in the states it's expensive.

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00:11:48,199 --> 00:11:49,279

So it's two V two.

210

00:11:49,329 --> 00:11:53,079

it's almost like pickleball mixed with

squash, where you play off the wall.

211

00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:53,939

So there's more.

212

00:11:54,439 --> 00:11:58,669

Involved in playing, and it's always two

on two, so you have to have four people.

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00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:02,599

And we just played to celebrate one

of my good friend's birthdays, and for

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00:12:02,599 --> 00:12:07,879

all four of us, it was like 130, $140

an hour, or for an hour and a half for

215

00:12:07,879 --> 00:12:10,549

90 minutes, which is pretty expensive.

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00:12:10,669 --> 00:12:14,659

But the way that I was looking at it,

I was researching for this episode

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00:12:15,159 --> 00:12:18,789

probably a few days before, And as soon

as I realized that we were going to

218

00:12:18,789 --> 00:12:22,389

have to be spending so much money in

order to play a sport that we enjoyed,

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00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:26,919

I started thinking back to researching

for this episode and thinking, okay,

220

00:12:27,159 --> 00:12:32,109

not only am I investing in my physical

health with this 130, $140, I'm also

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00:12:32,109 --> 00:12:35,439

investing in these social relationships

with these super good friends of ours.

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And it just made me smile because I was

like, yes, this is freaking expensive

223

00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:42,099

for 90 minutes for a sport that.

224

00:12:42,599 --> 00:12:43,739

Is so fun.

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00:12:43,739 --> 00:12:49,449

But I don't know, just, 30, $40 a person

is outrageous for 90 minutes when you're,

226

00:12:49,449 --> 00:12:53,709

when pickleball can be free, when tennis

can be free, when sand volleyball, beach

227

00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:56,659

volleyball can be free when all of these

other sports that we do can be free, but.

228

00:12:57,159 --> 00:13:00,819

Investing not only in our physical

health, but it also in my mind, was

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00:13:00,819 --> 00:13:04,239

investing in these social relationships

because we all enjoy paddle and we all

230

00:13:04,239 --> 00:13:08,199

enjoy these novel movement patterns

that we're having to learn for paddle.

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00:13:08,199 --> 00:13:12,519

But it just, it was a more recent example

where my mindset had to flip to be like,

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00:13:12,519 --> 00:13:18,119

okay, it's not just , , $140 for my

physical health, but it's also investing

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00:13:18,119 --> 00:13:21,839

in those quality relationships, this fun

time that we're all gonna have together.

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00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:25,889

So while researching for this episode,

I also came across a more recent

235

00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,509

article that I thought was super cool.

236

00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:33,509

It talks about the difference between

small talk and riffing And how riffing

237

00:13:33,509 --> 00:13:37,919

is a way to create deeper social

connection quicker with strangers.

238

00:13:37,919 --> 00:13:39,509

the article was written by Dr.

239

00:13:39,509 --> 00:13:41,489

Erica Boothby and Dr.

240

00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:42,359

Maya Rose Milone.

241

00:13:42,869 --> 00:13:47,129

And the article is titled, you're

Probably Doing Small Talk Wrong,

242

00:13:47,189 --> 00:13:49,949

and it talks about the difference

between small talk and riffing.

243

00:13:49,949 --> 00:13:50,699

So what is riffing?

244

00:13:51,199 --> 00:13:53,749

Riffing is playful

collaborative conversation

245

00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:57,789

Where two people build on each other's

ideas and a creative imaginative

246

00:13:57,789 --> 00:13:59,469

world, there's a few pillars.

247

00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:03,969

It's usually playful, collaborative,

spontaneous, and imaginative compared

248

00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:05,559

to small talk where it's just facts.

249

00:14:05,589 --> 00:14:09,009

So a few examples for a

traditional small talk.

250

00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:11,564

You might say something like

nice weather we're having.

251

00:14:11,654 --> 00:14:12,914

Yeah, it's finally warming up.

252

00:14:13,214 --> 00:14:14,474

I'm glad winter is over.

253

00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:14,984

Me too.

254

00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:15,914

I hate being cold.

255

00:14:16,184 --> 00:14:16,844

Same here.

256

00:14:16,874 --> 00:14:17,504

Have a good day.

257

00:14:17,654 --> 00:14:18,914

So you're just stating facts.

258

00:14:18,914 --> 00:14:19,424

And facts.

259

00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:22,484

Don't create that emotional

connection with a stranger as much

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00:14:22,484 --> 00:14:24,284

as something like riffing does.

261

00:14:24,674 --> 00:14:26,519

for the riffing version,

it might go like this.

262

00:14:27,019 --> 00:14:28,429

Nice weather we're having, right?

263

00:14:28,429 --> 00:14:32,359

I feel like I'm emerging from hibernation,

like some sort of confused bear ha.

264

00:14:32,359 --> 00:14:33,349

Speaking of bears.

265

00:14:33,349 --> 00:14:36,049

I bet they're all looking around

wait, where did all the snow go?

266

00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:37,099

I just went to sleep.

267

00:14:37,549 --> 00:14:38,149

Exactly.

268

00:14:38,149 --> 00:14:40,309

And now they're probably having

to update the Yelp reviews.

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00:14:40,489 --> 00:14:42,679

Cave was great for winter,

napping, but the neighborhood

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00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:44,779

has completely changed Two stars.

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00:14:45,289 --> 00:14:45,769

Oh no.

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00:14:45,829 --> 00:14:48,469

And all the other woodland creatures

are probably gentrifying their

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00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:50,449

territory while they were asleep.

274

00:14:50,809 --> 00:14:54,169

So in this case you can

see the same initial.

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00:14:54,474 --> 00:14:59,574

Phrase gets a different response, and

they're both creating an imaginative,

276

00:14:59,574 --> 00:15:01,434

creative world between two people.

277

00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:05,424

So they're playing off of each other,

they're being more imaginative.

278

00:15:05,424 --> 00:15:10,494

They're creating, they're playing make

believe, and these are just two strangers

279

00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:15,294

who are building that imaginative,

playful, creative world together, which

280

00:15:15,294 --> 00:15:17,094

creates that deeper emotional connection.

281

00:15:17,594 --> 00:15:20,324

So in another example, this one's

for work, but for traditional

282

00:15:20,324 --> 00:15:21,854

small talk, how's work going?

283

00:15:21,914 --> 00:15:22,244

Busy.

284

00:15:22,244 --> 00:15:23,264

Lots of meetings lately.

285

00:15:23,384 --> 00:15:24,404

That sounds exhausting.

286

00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:24,944

It is.

287

00:15:24,944 --> 00:15:26,414

I had three meetings yesterday.

288

00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:26,924

Wow.

289

00:15:26,924 --> 00:15:27,524

That's a lot.

290

00:15:27,734 --> 00:15:29,744

So you can see there's not

much emotional depth there.

291

00:15:29,864 --> 00:15:31,214

Where riffing will go.

292

00:15:31,214 --> 00:15:32,084

Something like this.

293

00:15:32,384 --> 00:15:33,224

How's work going?

294

00:15:33,464 --> 00:15:35,534

I'm basically a professional

meeting attendee.

295

00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:36,104

At this point.

296

00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:38,924

I should update my LinkedIn

to meeting enthusiast.

297

00:15:39,404 --> 00:15:41,264

Oh, you could start a

whole consulting business.

298

00:15:41,264 --> 00:15:44,564

We'll attend your meetings

so you don't have to genius.

299

00:15:44,564 --> 00:15:46,334

I'll call it proxy participation.

300

00:15:46,544 --> 00:15:50,774

My tagline could be, I'll nod thoughtfully

while you get actual work done, and you

301

00:15:50,774 --> 00:15:52,364

could have a different service tiers.

302

00:15:52,574 --> 00:15:55,004

Bronze package, basic

nodding, gold package.

303

00:15:55,034 --> 00:15:56,924

I'll ask one insightful question.

304

00:15:57,284 --> 00:15:59,894

Platinum, I'll even take notes

that make everyone else feel

305

00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:01,704

bad about their note taking.

306

00:16:02,204 --> 00:16:02,774

Stop.

307

00:16:02,774 --> 00:16:05,204

You're gonna make me accidentally

start a real business.

308

00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:09,404

So again, in this work scenario,

you can see how small talk, you're

309

00:16:09,404 --> 00:16:12,284

just stating facts, riffing, you're

starting to play off of each other,

310

00:16:12,284 --> 00:16:13,574

create this imaginative world.

311

00:16:14,114 --> 00:16:18,584

And I realized with this article that

a lot of physical therapists that

312

00:16:18,584 --> 00:16:20,984

I know, some of the best physical

therapists I know, and probably

313

00:16:20,984 --> 00:16:23,894

some of the best service providers

that you guys know, some of the best

314

00:16:23,894 --> 00:16:25,244

healthcare workers that you know.

315

00:16:25,744 --> 00:16:30,064

Use this as a strategy to build rapport

really quickly with their patients

316

00:16:30,064 --> 00:16:31,444

or with whoever they're serving.

317

00:16:31,944 --> 00:16:32,544

I know for me.

318

00:16:33,044 --> 00:16:37,004

I have to be able to build trust

with patients really quickly so that

319

00:16:37,004 --> 00:16:38,384

they trust me with their health.

320

00:16:38,804 --> 00:16:40,754

And typically I lean towards humor.

321

00:16:40,754 --> 00:16:44,474

I lean towards asking them about

their expertise, their day,

322

00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:48,014

their world, and joking with them

if I get that vibe from them.

323

00:16:48,014 --> 00:16:51,194

So it's almost a two-way street

where you both have to be willing

324

00:16:51,194 --> 00:16:55,364

to be creative and imaginative and

playful and humorous in order to

325

00:16:55,904 --> 00:16:57,704

successfully riff with each other.

326

00:16:57,734 --> 00:16:59,114

But Dr.

327

00:16:59,114 --> 00:16:59,834

Maya and Dr.

328

00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:01,864

Erica Who are both more social researchers

329

00:17:01,914 --> 00:17:05,034

have established this way of riffing

as a way to build those deeper

330

00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:06,594

social connections with strangers.

331

00:17:06,594 --> 00:17:10,854

And I thought it was super cool because

in this season of hosting and dinner

332

00:17:10,854 --> 00:17:16,194

parties and Friendsgiving, I thought

thinking of that might really help to

333

00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:20,424

allow people, me included, feel more

comfortable at certain parties where they

334

00:17:20,424 --> 00:17:22,404

might not know as many people because.

335

00:17:22,904 --> 00:17:27,523

It can be scary walking into a room

where your friend is hosting, but she has

336

00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:31,874

friends from other walks of life and other

groups that you might not be a part of.

337

00:17:31,874 --> 00:17:36,374

And leaning on this sort of way of

creating this playful, imaginative,

338

00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:41,924

creative alternative reality a little

bit for that brief moment can really

339

00:17:41,924 --> 00:17:46,784

help open up that relationship and create

that friendship a little bit quicker

340

00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:49,004

than something as simple as small talk.

341

00:17:49,504 --> 00:17:53,464

So why does riffing work immediately

creates a shared reality that only the two

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00:17:53,464 --> 00:17:55,204

involved in the conversation know about.

343

00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:59,314

It builds intimacy through creative

collaboration, creating something

344

00:17:59,314 --> 00:18:00,904

new together in real time.

345

00:18:00,984 --> 00:18:02,604

Through words, through conversation.

346

00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:05,499

It can be tied back to

something like childhood play.

347

00:18:05,499 --> 00:18:08,229

When we're children, we don't

necessarily go up to someone

348

00:18:08,229 --> 00:18:09,309

and say, Hey, how's your day?

349

00:18:09,309 --> 00:18:10,149

Can I play with you?

350

00:18:10,419 --> 00:18:13,059

You just start playing and you

just start creating together.

351

00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:17,769

So riffing takes it back to that childhood

play and building relationships that way.

352

00:18:18,269 --> 00:18:21,659

There's also more emotional engagement

where rather than just exchanging

353

00:18:21,659 --> 00:18:24,839

facts, you're exchanging humor and

excitement, which form deeper bonds.

354

00:18:25,339 --> 00:18:29,299

So the authors argue that strong

human bonds form out of playful

355

00:18:29,299 --> 00:18:33,709

banter more so than just shared

similarities or a shared reality.

356

00:18:34,429 --> 00:18:38,269

I thought this was the perfect article to

include here, just because it kind of ties

357

00:18:38,269 --> 00:18:42,919

in with friendships and dinner parties

and hosting and this time of year where

358

00:18:42,919 --> 00:18:46,699

we're just talking to a lot of different

people and focusing on relationships.

359

00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:51,289

Not only the relationships that we have

depth to, but also the relationships

360

00:18:51,289 --> 00:18:56,649

where we are forced to meet someone and

understand where they came from and build

361

00:18:56,649 --> 00:18:57,969

that friendship a little bit quicker.

362

00:18:57,969 --> 00:19:01,509

And I feel like this article presented

a different way of doing that compared

363

00:19:01,509 --> 00:19:04,209

to just the small talk that we all

get a little bit nervous about.

364

00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:04,809

Anyways,

365

00:19:05,309 --> 00:19:06,899

so enough with the

research, enough with the.

366

00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,343

Importance of relationships.

367

00:19:09,343 --> 00:19:11,703

Let's get into some of my

Friendsgiving hosting tips and

368

00:19:11,703 --> 00:19:13,703

tricks, or just a dinner party.

369

00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:17,573

Again, I know I have a lot of

international listeners and some people

370

00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:18,688

might not know what a Friendsgiving is.

371

00:19:18,743 --> 00:19:20,963

I feel like that's

presented a lot on shows.

372

00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:23,653

I was just watching the summer, I

turned pretty and I think she said

373

00:19:23,653 --> 00:19:25,663

something about a Friendsgiving

and they were like, what?

374

00:19:26,143 --> 00:19:29,683

So a Friendsgiving is basically, I think

of it as like a girls get together where.

375

00:19:30,188 --> 00:19:33,068

One of my friends will host or I'll

host, and we'll just invite a lot

376

00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:34,988

of girlfriends together to hang out.

377

00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:37,468

It's usually potluck style where

everyone will bring a dish and

378

00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,128

you'll just chat, get together.

379

00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:42,548

Sometimes there's conversation

starters that we have.

380

00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:46,238

It's just like a really warm,

cozy, girly get together.

381

00:19:46,238 --> 00:19:49,838

So it can be a call to Friendsgiving,

but you can also just use these

382

00:19:49,838 --> 00:19:50,843

tips for a dinner party as well.

383

00:19:51,343 --> 00:19:53,203

To get a little emotional with it.

384

00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,783

Food has always been communal.

385

00:19:55,963 --> 00:20:01,533

One of my favorite parts of eating

is sharing conversations with others.

386

00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:07,683

And as a side note, I don't actually spend

money on food unless it is a communal.

387

00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:09,333

Time to eat.

388

00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:13,803

So if I'm not going to grab lunch with a

friend or go grab dinner with a friend or

389

00:20:13,803 --> 00:20:17,453

happy hour or have a date night with my

husband, I'm not spending money on food.

390

00:20:17,453 --> 00:20:20,183

I will delay my meal until I get

home so that I'm not spending

391

00:20:20,183 --> 00:20:22,103

money on food unless it's communal.

392

00:20:22,103 --> 00:20:23,813

It's just like a silly rule that I have.

393

00:20:23,813 --> 00:20:27,863

But I find food to be so communal

and that's just the way that my

394

00:20:27,863 --> 00:20:30,413

family was growing up too, and the

way that my husband's family is even

395

00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:32,423

more which has been so wonderful.

396

00:20:32,473 --> 00:20:35,593

They were always so good about family

dinners growing up, and I've been blessed

397

00:20:35,593 --> 00:20:39,433

to be brought into that when we were

dating back in high school, but then also

398

00:20:39,433 --> 00:20:43,813

now where I feel like food is so communal

and it's so beautiful to be able to share

399

00:20:44,503 --> 00:20:49,393

food from your childhood or food that

you made and you created with others.

400

00:20:49,893 --> 00:20:53,313

So a few tips for a general

Friendsgiving or dinner party.

401

00:20:53,928 --> 00:20:55,188

For setting the mood.

402

00:20:55,188 --> 00:20:59,808

I always like candles and I'm someone

that's super sensitive with scent, so

403

00:21:00,048 --> 00:21:04,788

I always recommend non-toxic candles

for those of your guests who might

404

00:21:04,788 --> 00:21:07,368

be sensitive to smells and aromas.

405

00:21:07,368 --> 00:21:11,958

And I also think something not

super strong, so not something super

406

00:21:11,958 --> 00:21:14,028

spiced or super pumpkin or super.

407

00:21:14,633 --> 00:21:18,073

Fall or winter I like a little

bit more subtle because I feel

408

00:21:18,073 --> 00:21:19,513

like it's not super overwhelming.

409

00:21:19,513 --> 00:21:23,503

Plus, with the smell of all that is

going to be cooked in the kitchen, it

410

00:21:23,503 --> 00:21:28,303

might just get a little bit overwhelming

to have a super fall spiced candle.

411

00:21:28,803 --> 00:21:32,663

So I say keep a fall adjacent

smell for the invite.

412

00:21:32,663 --> 00:21:34,073

I've done text invites.

413

00:21:34,073 --> 00:21:37,613

I've done Canva, like images

that I send over text.

414

00:21:38,113 --> 00:21:40,873

I like to make it accessible for

people where they can go back.

415

00:21:40,873 --> 00:21:44,503

Sometimes with some of those invites,

like paperless posts, I can't find the

416

00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:47,893

exact text that it's sent through, and so

I end up having to text the host to say,

417

00:21:47,893 --> 00:21:49,543

what time's this party, I totally forgot.

418

00:21:49,753 --> 00:21:54,283

So I always like to have a way

for the guests to refer back to

419

00:21:55,033 --> 00:21:58,543

what time, where the location,

address, what to bring, all of that.

420

00:21:59,043 --> 00:21:59,763

For the decor.

421

00:21:59,763 --> 00:22:03,148

This is something that gets me still

If you've listened to the pod for

422

00:22:03,148 --> 00:22:06,238

a long time, you know that I've

struggled with this for a while.

423

00:22:06,238 --> 00:22:10,698

I did an episode on this probably

last fall, but I hate waste and I

424

00:22:10,698 --> 00:22:13,278

hate spending money on things that

are just gonna be thrown away.

425

00:22:13,278 --> 00:22:18,228

So decor is really hard for me

because I know that most decor, most

426

00:22:18,228 --> 00:22:21,198

birthday party decor, most decor in

general is going to get thrown away.

427

00:22:21,198 --> 00:22:24,558

So I like to use decor that is usable.

428

00:22:24,588 --> 00:22:28,218

So something like fall squash

or fall fruits, fall veggies.

429

00:22:28,718 --> 00:22:31,298

Candles that I'll use later

on just for ambient lighting,

430

00:22:31,298 --> 00:22:32,918

because I love using candles.

431

00:22:33,308 --> 00:22:37,318

I like to have double bang

for my buck for decor because.

432

00:22:37,818 --> 00:22:38,778

I just hate waste.

433

00:22:38,778 --> 00:22:42,168

And that's something that I need to

get better at because I've tried to

434

00:22:42,168 --> 00:22:45,408

switch my mindset to be like, you are

creating an atmosphere for other people

435

00:22:45,408 --> 00:22:48,798

to enjoy, for other people, to build

social connection and relationships.

436

00:22:48,798 --> 00:22:50,868

And that's beautiful

and that is not waste.

437

00:22:50,868 --> 00:22:54,338

But if you're also like me in struggle,

sometimes I do like to look on

438

00:22:54,338 --> 00:22:59,508

Pinterest and just get ideas for decor

that can be utilized later and won't

439

00:22:59,508 --> 00:23:01,008

just get thrown away after the party.

440

00:23:01,508 --> 00:23:06,218

I've also been given like fall cloth

napkins, so I love the idea of decor

441

00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:12,168

that's washable in the laundry, or

that can be reused in some ways.

442

00:23:12,168 --> 00:23:15,288

So something as simple as fall napkins,

of course, fall colored plates,

443

00:23:15,648 --> 00:23:19,848

things like that can really help to

elevate the decor without being waste.

444

00:23:20,348 --> 00:23:24,178

So since I don't typically spend too much

money on the invite, sometimes I'll write

445

00:23:24,178 --> 00:23:29,398

like little notes to people for their

place setting or like a fancy name card if

446

00:23:29,398 --> 00:23:31,468

I don't have as much time to write a note.

447

00:23:31,498 --> 00:23:34,768

But I love handwritten notes, and I

think that's really special to have

448

00:23:35,188 --> 00:23:38,308

just a little handwritten note telling

the person why you're grateful for

449

00:23:38,308 --> 00:23:39,958

them or something you love about them.

450

00:23:40,788 --> 00:23:41,658

For the meal.

451

00:23:41,658 --> 00:23:46,008

I do typically think like a potluck is

fun, or you can have people pitch in

452

00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:49,728

five or $10 to actually get it catered

if you'd like, if you didn't want to

453

00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:54,048

cook or if you didn't have a kitchen big

enough to cook everyone's meals, but.

454

00:23:54,638 --> 00:23:58,958

I like to have people sign up for

something like a protein, a carb, a

455

00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:05,078

veggie, a bread, a appetizer, a dip,

maybe a cocktail plates, silver or

456

00:24:05,078 --> 00:24:06,788

forks, all of those sorts of things.

457

00:24:07,148 --> 00:24:11,058

And I think we've always done it over

text just to make it easy so people can

458

00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:14,838

see what other people are bringing and

think, oh, what of my dishes that I like

459

00:24:14,838 --> 00:24:16,608

to cook, go with what they're bringing.

460

00:24:16,608 --> 00:24:18,738

So that's the way we like to do it, but.

461

00:24:19,393 --> 00:24:23,323

I do think having a variety and

actually spelling out that variety

462

00:24:23,593 --> 00:24:25,333

for other people to understand.

463

00:24:25,573 --> 00:24:28,663

That way you're not just stuck

with like bread and potatoes

464

00:24:28,663 --> 00:24:32,473

and like pasta and super heavy

dishes, but you have a well-rounded

465

00:24:32,473 --> 00:24:33,608

variety for everyone to enjoy.

466

00:24:34,108 --> 00:24:38,158

And then lastly for the conversations,

I went to a Friendsgiving last

467

00:24:38,158 --> 00:24:39,838

year where my friend had that game.

468

00:24:39,838 --> 00:24:42,148

We're not really

strangers, friends version.

469

00:24:42,178 --> 00:24:43,258

And that was super fun.

470

00:24:43,258 --> 00:24:46,708

We all just picked a card and chatted

and it was just a way to break

471

00:24:46,708 --> 00:24:49,948

the ice for friends of your friend

that you might not know as well.

472

00:24:49,948 --> 00:24:51,358

So I thought that was a great idea.

473

00:24:51,628 --> 00:24:55,378

You could also ask people different

conversation starters I've seen this

474

00:24:55,378 --> 00:24:58,378

for a wedding and I actually thought

it was a really good idea having people

475

00:24:58,378 --> 00:25:03,198

submit a fun fact and then have everyone

guess who fun fact that is at the table.

476

00:25:03,198 --> 00:25:06,108

So I thought all of those were

great ideas, but I never like

477

00:25:06,108 --> 00:25:07,128

to have it too structured.

478

00:25:07,128 --> 00:25:10,758

But it is nice to have things to lean

on if things start to get a little

479

00:25:10,758 --> 00:25:12,738

bit more flat or silent, where.

480

00:25:13,238 --> 00:25:16,058

Little side conversations have

stopped and dulled a little bit,

481

00:25:16,058 --> 00:25:19,178

and now it's time to get the whole

group involved in a conversation.

482

00:25:19,678 --> 00:25:24,568

So this is a jam packed episode

of a variety of things, but it's

483

00:25:24,568 --> 00:25:28,858

definitely kicking off this month of

November and this month of gratitude

484

00:25:28,858 --> 00:25:33,058

and relationships and quality

relationships in a super fun way, I hope.

485

00:25:33,058 --> 00:25:34,948

But I hope you learned

a lot from this episode.

486

00:25:35,008 --> 00:25:38,238

Some fun things that you might not

typically think of as health and wellness,

487

00:25:38,238 --> 00:25:41,848

but that are true health and wellness

because something like relationships

488

00:25:41,848 --> 00:25:46,508

and more of the soft side of wellness

does heavily impact our overall health

489

00:25:46,508 --> 00:25:47,828

and happiness for the rest of our lives.

490

00:25:47,828 --> 00:25:49,778

So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.

491

00:25:49,778 --> 00:25:55,058

I hope you have a wonderful month

of gratitude and relationships

492

00:25:55,058 --> 00:25:57,008

and come back to this episode.

493

00:25:57,008 --> 00:25:58,508

If you ever feel guilty about.

494

00:25:59,133 --> 00:26:03,243

Ditching the gym time for something like

a happy hour because it's those little

495

00:26:03,243 --> 00:26:07,353

things that are more investments in your

longevity fund, but investments into

496

00:26:07,353 --> 00:26:11,073

the relationship side of things versus

the physical fitness side of things.

497

00:26:11,073 --> 00:26:13,773

So I hope you enjoyed this episode and

I'll see you guys again on the next

498

00:26:13,773 --> 00:26:15,423

episode of Wellness Exists, the pod.