The Review Queens, Chelsey and Trey, rate and review a 5 Star TEMU Review for a Polyester Bedding Set. Chelsey brings to the floor the madding experience of finding hair in your mouth and Chelsey & Trey deduce that Peggy might have dictated this message using text-to-speech. Now slip on your shoes!

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**comma space comma my birthdat is this thursdat**

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Review That Review is an independent podcast.  Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design by Trey Gerrald.  Cover art designed by LogoVora, voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

Peggy, you fascinate

I'm fascinated, Peg.

I hope that your granddaughter got her fucking shit out of your fucking mouth.

Fucking how?

Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's gotta settle the score., Trey and Chelsey will help you choose, Whose views win which ones lose, Online haters are coming for you, Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

Hello,

Oh, hey, Chelsey, and hello, listeners.

Welcome, once again, to Review That Review.

We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing.

That's Chelsey Donn,

and that's Trey Gerald.

and together we are,

The Review Queens,

Chelsey, I can tell from the energy coming at me, I think you really need the stage, just to simply,

Larger Complaint,

you're

what's going on?

right.

Try one second.

Is this your complaint?

Hair in your mouth.

mean, I hate,

good.

I was like, if that's a bit, I'm going to lose my mind.

it's a bit, so yeah, that moment when you know that there is a hair in your mouth, You can feel the hair in your mouth, but you cannot find it to get it out.

I don't know.

It would kill

Oh my god, this happened to me, like, earlier this week and I immediately went and wrote it down because I was like, oh my god, that is so annoying.

It feels like I'm choking and then I'm like, have I lost my mind?

Like, is there not a hair in my mouth?

I'm like, if I don't have a mirror nearby, I'm pulling out my phone and taking pictures, trying to see it on the phone, like trying to do everything I can to get this phantom.

Or real, I think it's real, hair out of my mouth, but it's so infuriating, and I know I'm a girl and I have longer hair, so I don't know, Trey, if you have this experience on the regular, but do you relate?

It does happen, yes, I have, there have been moments where I'm like, Oh, oh god, I have a, oh, there's like a hair or something in my mouth.

Then you have to touch your tongue or like try to pick in your teeth or like you're trying to locate it and then you, especially if you're like in public with people, it feels even more terrible because it's like, I'm not crazy, I'm not weird, I just, I'm trying to, hold on,

sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm just like, grabbing my tongue,

I'm sorry that that happened to you.

Yes, I can absolutely validate that experience.

It is very frustrating because it's your being, it's your body, you're feeling violated, you like can't fix it immediately, it's like very weird.

That is definitely complaint

thank you, I mean, it's not often that I find a new one that I'm like, yes, that, but, This was that for me.

So thanks for adding it to the ledger.

Like a vault.

Well, I hope it doesn't happen to you ever

Thank you, I hope so too!

And now that I've complained to gotten that hair out of the way, Thank God, I feel so relieved.

Should we jump into an online review?

I think we should.

Let's do it.

Woo, let's do it.

Review That Review,

As you know, we are your trusty Review Queens.

We bring in reviews from the internet that we feel need to be inspected.

We read you a review, then we break it down and rate the impact of that review on a scale from zero to five crowns.

It's a very regal process that we call,

Assess That Kvetch,

And Trey, it is your turn this week.

What have you brought in for us?

I can't wait.

Okay, get ready.

I have a brand new source.

Ooh, new source alert, new source alert.

Now, I don't know what this is, but I recognize it as an app.

Okay.

like a Shein or it's like a copy of Amazon.

Chelsey, do you know what Teemu is?

T E M

course I know about Timu.

Oh, I don't.

So what is Teemu?

I mean, I just get so many Timu ads like every single day, like it's out of control the amount of Timu ads that I get.

But.

I think of it as, I think it's like just coming directly from the distributor products that are cheaper than regular products that you're going to buy at a store, but it's also like One of those things where am I gonna get something that's actually valuable or is it gonna be like a dollar store item that's gonna fall apart.

A lot of their stuff looks really good and really practical.

You want to order up and like am I gonna get it and it's gonna be not made very well, I guess is like my my thinking on it.

Right, well, I, it is a website, it's also an app, and the app, T E M U, has a tiny little icon of a dress, a tiny little rocking horse icon, a little, tiny little stiletto, and then like a tiny little purse, and when you're on the website, you can select your language, so it's obviously international, but yes, it's sort of like an Amazon.

So, today, I'm actually, yeah, I would imagine.

So, today, I am going to share with you, um, no complaints, I'm going to share with you a five star review,

Oh, interesting.

Okay.

and I am unable to tell you the username, because it has been blacked out,

Oh, okay.

But, we will be able to name them based on the review.

So, for the purposes of going in chronological order, I'm just going to tell you, we're going to read someone's five star review for three pieces, multi color, polyester bedding set.

One piece, asterisk, duvet cover, plus two pieces, asterisk, pillowcase, without pillow core.

Okay, this is worse than Supercala,

You know, they can't be a direct copy of Amazon, they have to do their own

that deserves a Supercala,

Yeah, so, also it's um, I don't understand pounds, but this is 34 comma 39 pounds.

The color is red wine.

And I'll tell you, this product actually has 20, 595 reviews, with an average score of 4.

9.

for just this product, what the hell, that's crazy,

know.

Um, when you translate it to dollars, it's 38.

I was just doing that,

All right, so here we go.

This W E set, space comma, space, Mm hmm,

okay.

is for Mount Granddaughter.

Her name is Angelina, space, period, space comma, enter.

Do you know how proud of you, comma, we, space, period, space, Read for the stars, girl, space, comma, space, do you deserve, period, comma, and much, period, more, period,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

I know, you're gonna love this one,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

space, period, space,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

please, space, comma, space, For the love of God, space, period, space, come down, comma, space, and get your, space, comma, comma, comma, all caps, MOTHER FUCKING SHIT, comma, comma, space, out of my, space, comma, Space, comma, all caps Mother fucking Howie

Oh

space, period.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Enter my birth.

DA.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Is this S dat

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

space.

Period.

Space.

The best birthday space, comma, space.

I could have space, comma, space to have space, comma.

Enter,

oh What

five?

Elena, period,

to my lips?

It's not fair!

Oh

it.

god, no, oh no, oh my

Five, Elena, period, space, comma, space, Alekia, period, space, comma, space, Angelina, space, comma, space, Hayden, space, comma, space, Leo and Luca, Trey, space, comma, enter, con, to next son, next to, enter, to be all together in one room, period, space, comma, space, and period say, space, the our father, comma, a Hail Mary, space, comma, space, look at the person, space, comma, space, to you left, space, comma, space, even if, space, comma, space.

You, period, tell them anyway, space, period, space, the kids have grown, space, period, enter, I want that to happen, space, period, space, and happen, space, comma, space, soon, please, space, period, I love you all, space, period, space, Peggy.

Enter, mom mom, enter, pop pop, enter, gg,

Oh my God.

Wait, so it was her mama and PopPop and G

gg, oh, oh, I don't know, or Peggy,

Peggy, Mum Mum, Pop Pop, Gigi.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

That, I'm, first of all, I'm crying.

Like actual real tears.

Like, wow.

Second of all, I feel like I just went on a journey of something.

I don't know what it was because I didn't understand a lot of the sentences.

Obviously, we had a big problem with that.

But I went on such a journey because Peggy, Let's just say, let's call this reviewer Peggy, because I believe it is.

Peggy, at first it was like, Oh, she thought that she was writing a letter to her granddaughter when she was writing a review.

Like the gift card,

like a gift card, like she thought like she was like, just write it.

Are you sending it to me so I can see it?

just so you can see, I, uh,

which was like hilarious, like just like so funny.

Um, and at first I was like, oh, this is really sweet, like a grandmother that's buying A duvet, like a whole bedding set for their grand, a devouet for their, for their granddaughter.

But then, we get into the motherfucker section,

I know, I

on a, I was on like Space Mountain or something when it was like, we're like, we're on up, up, up, up, up, up, turn, turn, like what, what happened like with the motherfucker section, okay, and then.

Did it say in the beginning, it was like, reach for the stars, girl, I know that you're gonna shine, love this, like,

Please, for the love of God, come down and get your motherfuckin shit out of my motherfuckin house.

like, what, like, what do we, what, what happened?

Like, did we, like?

It was just it it was very strange change it almost made me think like does grandma have this on speak to speech or

That's what I thought, Chelsey, yes, that's what I thought, that's why I picked this, yes.

Okay, and and like she was like having this like writing this letter to her granddaughter, but then she was also like Get your fucking shit out of here, don't you, I'm doing something and you're Shit has been here, forget it's the vote, okay?

It's my birthday on Thursday, and I hope that you and Steve and, and Linda and Gary and whoever are gonna be there and just give me a second, I'm writing a review here!

Like, that, that, that's what I thought was the energy that was coming off of Peggy for me, and I'm just so Confused.

Obviously, this is not a review.

Obviously, there is just so much spelling and grammar, but boy, am I glad that you brought this in, Trey.

So this is what, okay, so as far as value, new, useful information, I don't know what has to do with the polyester bedding set, but the narrative I'm getting here is, I, I agree.

I also think that the grandmother was buying this for the granddaughter and sort of went into like, you better read for the stars, girl, do you deserve much more?

You're going to love this one.

Like, it seems like they thought it was like the gift card.

And then they're like.

Then it's that like weird mother grandmother manipulation bullshit where it's like

Oh my, but let's make this about me.

it's my birthday is Thursday and you know what birthday gift I want as I want all five of you kids and the fourth one I guess died so we don't include number four I want you to all come together be in the same room we'll say our Hail Marys you know and

like religious agenda.

There was this like weird religious agenda in the middle of it too.

And then from the same person that's saying motherfucker.

It's like so confusing.

Like I

very

I have, I'm just really feel like I'm on a roller coaster.

yeah it's so bizarre and do you think that Peggy is mom mom?

They can't be pop maybe oh cuz the grandma's buying for the grandfather too.

That's very

So I'm trying to like be like, okay, if this is like the speak to speech thing, or grandma just had a moment of like, I don't know what in the middle of writing this card, like, do we think that it would probably just read like, reach for the stars, you know, how special you are, like, I know you're gonna shine.

I hope you love this.

I love you all so much.

And then the sign off?

Or do you think that this was like, intentional?

I think that you could have a wicked sense of humor and be like But still get your shit out my house like that could be funny and don't forget my birthday's on Thursday And my wish is to have everyone in the family come anyway.

I hope that happens soon I love you Peggy like that could be a funny card, but why all

like who would think that they could write this much in a card usually we're like spaced out at 20 characters You know

Well, maybe Peggy was surprised they weren't being cut off.

maybe now that I'm looking at it It doesn't look as long as it felt when you were reading it might maybe

Well, because I did every space and comma and period.

Like, what's up with all of the spaces in

space, comma, space, space, comma, comma, comma, at

because whenever I do text to speech, it doesn't do punctuation, and that becomes frustrating for me.

But this is overloaded with

No, when you actually that's not true.

It's someone that

Oh, really?

when you're doing speech attacks.

I'm always like, can't wait to record, exclamation point, see you at three, exclamation point,

Oh, you're saying them though,

right?

but do you think Peggy is saying comma, comma, comma?

If the speech, you're right.

No,

Where do you think Peggy is

unless she's saying, comma, comma, comma, comma.

You know what I mean?

Get it, come on Kelly, get your shit.

Wait, what were you asking?

where do you think Peggy is from?

Oh my god.

I don't know.

I, like, I want to say maybe, like, someplace religious.

I was, first I was thinking Staten Island.

That's just because of my, like, what's happening in my brain.

But I think, like, South, like, Southern religious, Tennessee,

know, my mom's name is Peggy.

Your mom didn't write this though.

No, she doesn't say cusses like

Hayden, a Leo and a Luca.

We don't know, not a, not a

Leo and Luca are kids

I think they're twins.

and they're twins?

They could be twins.

I just feel like when you're going to give me a list and then you give me an ampersand like that, I feel like those are children

For sure.

Angelica or

Leo and Luca, right?

I think they're definitely twins.

Right?

Angelica, Hayden, Leo, and Luca,

I mean, this is the strangest thing I've come across, scouring the internet for reviews for the show, so I had to bring it in, but yes, it's not really a review

it's not a review of the product in any way, but it's fascinating.

Also, I've never used,

of humanity.

a fascinating study of humanity, I have never used Timu, but don't you usually write the gift card as you're finalizing the purchase?

Like,

The only thing that I could think of logically, like, if we are to believe grandma just thought that they were writing this in a letter and it's a little cockadoo, but grandma's a little cockadoo.

I don't know if that's a real word, but maybe they paid for it.

And then after they paid for it, because especially if there's this many reviews for the product, a box automatically appeared on the screen that was like, feedback message.

Or something like that.

And grandma somehow interpreted feedback message to mean, I mean, clearly they don't, they redefine words all the time in their own writing.

So maybe they just thought that that meant like, oh, I'm going to give feedback to my granddaughter.

About why she's getting this gift, you know, and also the behavior of other people in this family.

I don't know.

It's also interesting that fuck is not abbreviated or substituted,

Oh, yeah.

Let me look at it.

Like, is it just spelled out right?

yeah, in caps,

Mother.

Oh, yeah, all caps, which also begs the belief that

they were screaming

well, Or that they weren't, that they wrote this because they included, like you said, like all these things and the caps and the what, and also just weird because it's like, if you're like, oh, grandma got locked on the caps lock again, right?

But it's mother fuff inf, fucking fuff, mother fucking if, shit is cap, is all caps.

Then you have the comma, comma, out of my not capitalized comma, comma.

Then capitalize motherfucking how, which is how's missing the S,

And they never say the G in fucking.

The first one's an F and then they just don't have it at all.

right, exactly, which is fine, you can say fucking, that's not a big deal, but like, it just, it was really like, whiplash for me, this whole motherfucking moment,

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know how to go through the roster.

Is it truthful, shady?

It's definitely shady.

I mean, it has nothing to do with the product.

Common, fluke, typical?

I think grandma's won everyone in the same room.

That's probably common.

I

and also like, yeah, I mean, it's just funny also that this is a five star review, so technically it's not hurting overall,

know!

Like, honestly, it would have been worse if grandma, like, accidentally wrote a one star review when it was this, then I think we would be, like, even more angry, like, wow, like, way to waste the space and also, like, drag down the overall review when clearly you don't know what a review is.

But my favorite part of the review is, My birth dat is this Thursdayt.

My

And then they say,

is this Thursday.

Oh my God.

Yes.

That was so funny.

And then they start, right.

The best birthday I could have to have.

guess, it makes perfect

Like it's not a hope to have.

Oh my God.

There were so many moments when you were reading this that I was just like, what, what was the

half peg.

of the sentence?

Like come to next son next to like, what does that mean?

Maybe we need to post this, a

I think we might need to you guys, because this is so.

have to see it.

yeah, you have to, this is a visual review.

There's just so many things happening within it.

Peggy, you fascinate me,

fascinated, Peg.

and I hope that your granddaughter got her fucking shit out of your fucking house.

Fuckin how?

Should we crown it?

Should we crown this?

I think it's time.

Let's do it.

I think so.

All right, so Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards.

In an effort to be fair and not influence one another, we will simultaneously reveal our rating.

I think I know.

Okay, I don't know if you do now, okay, interesting, I go for one and a half crowns, Trey went for a half crown, just pure entertainment, like, I really had a good laugh listening to you read that review, and like, I had to throw a bone just because, again, so locked into the typical review that this was like, Such a delight to hear you listen to, and they mentioned the Duvois, whatever it was, once, at least they mentioned the product, I don't

That's true,

uh, for personal family matters, uh, that being said, hilarious review, it's five stars, we're not hurting anybody, so, one and a half crowns for me, you went with a half crown, why?

Just cause it's so funny.

I mean, it's absurd.

We can't really apply any, any of our crowning

right, we couldn't, we couldn't really go through the bullet points on this one.

but boy was it fun,

That was fun.

Wow, Trey, that was amazing.

I'm, I'm verklempt in a good way.

I'm verklempt, I don't think I'm gonna purchase that polyester bedding set though,

I don't think so, no.

no, but I do want to know, Chelsey, we have reached the most regal portion of our show, who are you inducting today, for?

Mm

was talking about all these Timu ads that I receive all the time on social media.

And another ad that I receive all the time is for these shoes, I don't know if you guys have heard of them, called Kizik's, K I Z I

Oh, yeah, I have, actually.

I've just seen like review after review after review of this product and every time I saw the video I was like, this product looks amazing.

And I finally was like, you know what?

I think I need this.

And I bit the bullet, and I bought the shoes, and you guys, I am obsessed.

With these shoes, I'm probably going to buy another pair.

I can't imagine my life without it.

So what's so cool.

I just want to tell you guys a little bit about this company, just because they're really, I don't know, saving lives here, saving my back, the easiest shoes you'll ever put on, no tying, no heel necessary and no hands necessary.

And what's crazy about that is like.

There are shoes, like I ended up buying a pair of sneakers, that are tied, so it's not like they're like those dorky looking shoes that are like no tie, like no, there are shoes that are tied, but you just tie it before you even put your foot into the shoe, and then you're in, that's it.

It's revolutionary.

It's like making the grounds.

I want to say Nike actually just bought like a licensing deal from them.

So good things are happening for Kizzik, but if you like me have been receiving a ton of these ads, I will say did not disappoint.

I feel like I've already sold pairs just from like them being on my feet, just going to a client's house and like taking them off and putting them back in with such ease.

I just can't remember my life before these shoes, and I'm probably gonna buy another pair to be completely honest, so Kizzik, you are my Royal Highness, I love you, you're a queen, you're changing the world for the better, thank you, thank you, thank you,

I love that.

I have seen ads for them and I actually like went to the like shop page and looked at them because I am someone that never likes to tie my shoes, they're always tied and I just slip my feet in.

So, I

right, Trey, you need these, like, you actually do, like, you don't even know, it's one of those things that you don't even know you need it until you get it, and then you're like, what was I doing with my life before this?

well, thankfully we have

Like you want to be out, exactly, you want to be out the door and at the gym in like 0.

2 seconds without having that extra moment of being like, I gotta put my shoes on.

No, like that is done.

It's out.

Oh my god.

Alright, well, I think you've sold me.

Obsessed.

Okay, yay.

Well, we did it, Queen.

That is another round on the R Q, A R Q, Ferris Wheel of Gitchell.

Shit out my motherfuckin howl.

If

I'm a motherfucking hoe.

Thank you for joining us today.

If you like this crazy Meshuggah num review, please tell a friend.

not like this Crazy Michigan Review, please tell it to me.

That was a mess,

Please.

Please, please don't let me.

On this week's After Show Pod, new source alert, new source alert, new source alert, I will be rating and reviewing a review from Verizon.

com for the Apple iPhone 14 Plus.

And I wonder why this was said.

We both loved Brooklyn, the musical, but we also have deep love for Tiffany Pollard, who is infamously New York from Flavor of

Yes,

and I just rewatched all of season one of Flavor of Love, and my god is she a star.

yes,

It's so undeniable.

Total Star Queen.

I'm really racking my brain.

I wonder why that was set.

I wonder why that was

I really just, I really am feeling pulled to pay 4.

99 a month to get

Just to find out why.

Why, what does it all mean?

And it's just so easy through Apple Podcasts.

It's a one push button and then I can just double click to confirm.

It's so fast and easy that as I'm doing it, I can still remember

to ignore the haters, because you're a queen,

it.

Gender non specific queen.

obviously,

Yeah, alright, bye y'all.

do, do, do.

I'm glad you enjoyed that because I literally almost did not do that review like four times.

Oh my god, I hope our listeners found it as funny as I did, because I just, I just went through a whole journey with that review, so thanks for bringing it in, that was fun.

What was your pet name for your grandparents?

Mom, uh, Mama and Pop Pop and

you kidding?

No, I'm not.

Isn't that crazy?

But mine was Mama and Pop Pop,

oh, we were Meemaw and Dada and then,

Oh, Meemaw.

and then Dada and Bubbles because her name was Elizabeth and the first grandchild couldn't say Elizabeth came out Bubbles so we just had to

I don't know.

I don't really understand that when the grandparents are just like, I'm called this ridiculous thing because That's the way it came out.

No.

Well, you know what's funny is, my mom used to say, cause my mom is crazy, Peggy, Before

Shout out to Peggy.

shout out Peggy, deuces, She would always say that when we had grandkids, which neither of us ever planned to have grandkids, She would be referred to as Grandmama Gerald.

My mom says the same thing.

That's so weird.

So my mom is Grandy.

Her real name is Randi, but she's, she's Grandi, but she used to have this thing before my sister had kids that she said she was at a place and she overheard someone saying Grandmama, and she wanted to be called that in public.

Yeah, that's weird.

But don't they call her Grandy?

They do call her Grandi, but like, there was a time when she was like, Oh my God, I want to be called Grandmama because it just seemed so like, I don't know, grand.

Grandmama has entered the room.

Alright, Queens, we love you, we'll see you on Friday.

Bye.

Get your motherfucking shit on my motherfucking how.