What happens when the danger is gone, but part of you is still waiting to be hurt again?

In this deeply personal episode of Pleasure Principles, Shivam sits down with Colette Duvall Pondella, co-founder of Shadowland Foundation, to explore rebuilding trust after trauma, strengthening boundaries and learning to listen to yourself again.

Colette challenges a common assumption about healing: that the goal is to somehow return to the person you were before you were hurt.

Instead, she offers another possibility. Healing is learning to live authentically in spite of what happened to you, while recognizing that the hurt is something you experienced, not the definition of who you are.

Drawing from her own experiences with trauma, relationships and recovery, Colette discusses how emotional pain can influence our bodies, behaviors and relationships long after an experience has ended. She explains how learning to sit with difficult emotions rather than immediately escaping them helped her gradually rebuild trust in herself.

One message runs powerfully through the conversation:

Don’t betray yourself.

Whether it's letting someone cross a physical boundary before you're ready, agreeing to something because you think you "should," or ignoring an internal signal simply to please someone else, Colette argues that rebuilding trust in other people starts with honoring the small promises we make to ourselves.

The conversation also explores Colette's relationship with wolves and nature. Through her work with Shadowland Foundation, she reflects on what observing wolves has taught her about authenticity, awareness and existing without constantly questioning whether you are enough.

This episode contains discussion of trauma, disordered eating, addiction and past self-harm. Listener discretion is advised.

About Colette Duvall Pondella:

Colette Duvall Pondella is the co-founder of Shadowland Foundation, where she works alongside ambassador wolves through educational and Wolf Wisdom programs. The foundation describes her as a non-denominational spiritual minister and teacher whose approach draws from lived experience, spiritual practices, nature and her years of working with wolves.

Shadowland's Wolf Wisdom program says Colette has spent approximately 15 years raising, training and studying the animals and has used insights from those experiences in her spiritual teaching and healing work.

Key Takeaways:

• Healing doesn't necessarily mean returning to the person you were before the hurt.
• Your painful experiences can affect you without becoming your entire identity.
• Getting through a difficult emotional moment without attacking or abandoning yourself can gradually strengthen self-trust.
• Support from therapists, teachers, loved ones or other helpers can matter, but Colette emphasizes the importance of participating actively in your own healing.
• Healthy boundaries are fundamental when learning to trust again.
• Pay attention to the small moments when you override what feels right simply to satisfy someone else's expectations.
• A trigger returning doesn't automatically mean you've gone backwards.
• Instead of immediately asking, "Why am I here again?", Colette suggests asking what the experience might be telling you today.
• Nature, movement, breathing and safe human connection can become grounding practices.
• The compassion we develop toward ourselves can influence the compassion we're able to extend to others.

Chapters:

05:47 Why trusting again after hurt can feel so difficult

06:52 Healing isn't about getting your old self back

09:27 What moving forward can actually look like

12:21 Why healing begins with knowing yourself

13:51 How emotional pain can show up in the body

16:26 Meeting protective patterns without judgment

17:08 What wolves can teach us about authenticity

20:45 Divorce, deep hurt and the words that helped Colette

23:09 How past trauma quietly enters new relationships

24:29 Boundaries and the rule: "Don't betray yourself"

28:20 Self-awareness without constant self-judgment

32:51 Why compassion begins with ourselves

33:03 What to do when old triggers return

36:35 Healing and learning to meet yourself gently

37:08 Shadowland Foundation and Wolf Wisdom

Connect With Colette:

Shadowland Foundation

The foundation's site includes information about its wolves, educational work, wellness programs and Colette's Wolf Wisdom work.

Colette also shares WolfWisdom.org and the Wolf Wisdom Healing YouTube channel during the episode.

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