Hey Mama! This episode is best for your ears and not for the kiddos. :) Betsy, Jen, Emily, and Stephanie are here again with our last segment of Christmas thoughts. It may be close to Christmas, but this conversation is still really helpful if you are a Christian parent deciding how to select or defend your traditions. In this episode, you'll hear us process why we've chosen our different stances on celebrating Santa, how we determine how much and what to give our kids, and how "The Talk" worked it's way into our holiday memories. This episode is full of laughs, but also very practical and we hope it helps guide you as you are choosing the best traditions to embrace with your family! Merry Christmas!

They're the joyful agains our children shout on the swings, the

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exhausting agains of cooking and laundry,

and the difficult agains of discipline.

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So much of what we do

as mothers is on repeat.

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So what if we woke up with clarity,

knowing which agains we were called

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to, and went to bed believing we

are faithful in what matters most?

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We believe God's word is

the key to untangle from the

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confusion and overwhelm we feel.

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Let's look up together to embrace a

motherhood full of freedom and joy.

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Thanks for listening to this special

Christmas episode of the again podcast.

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My name is Stephanie Hickox and today

I'm joined by Betsy Corning, Dan Feldman.

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And Emily deal.

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I'm bringing you another section

of our conversation regarding gift

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giving principles, sibling gifts, and

talking all about how much attention we

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think Santa should have in your home.

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And as promised at the end of our

conversation, I'm going to share

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a little bit about how the talk

might be something that incorporates

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itself into your holiday happenings

this year or in the years to come.

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Some of the content in this episode

will be best for the ears of parents.

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And we recommend that you don't have your

children listen to this episode with you.

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We know it's getting really close

to Christmas and hopefully you

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have a lot of your gift giving.

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Wrapped up but sometimes they

find it's really helpful.

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To hear someone else's thoughts on things.

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And it confirms why we do what we do.

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So it might be fun to put

this on in the background,

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as you're wrapping Christmas

presents, changing sheets for company.

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Or decking the halls.

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All right, let's get to it.

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Okay, everyone.

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Now I'm hoping we can talk about

any gift giving principles.

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Or guidelines that help us set

boundaries or our philosophy is on that.

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How do you determine how you give gifts?

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And do you have any principles?

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That guide it or does

that change every year?

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Emily.

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How about you?

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Emily: For us, it just,

it does change every year.

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I do try to get them something to read,

always something to make their hands.

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But it's never been written in stone.

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That's just kind of what I always

Do and what I gravitate towards.

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As far as boundaries go.

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Um, We just kind of, we, we give

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gifts to.

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Um,

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I guess we really don't

have any boundaries.

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Jen: I be

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your

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Stephanie: That,

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Jen: That was

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Emily: Late.

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It's getting late.

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So my mind is we have

boundaries for, for our kids.

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But I in, giving outside

of our, just our children.

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We always give to our family, but

that's changed over the years too.

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So I think we just kind of

assess where we're at each

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year And, take it from

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there.

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Jen: we have set amount that

we spend on each kid each year.

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And so I tried to.

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Get an idea of do you have one big thing

that you would like, And then a few other

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little things, or do you just have a bunch

of little things that you're looking for?

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And I just kind of assess a little

bit of that, but we really are.

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pretty careful to not buy them things

apart from their birthday and Christmas.

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Even like at Easter time, we

don't buy as many gifts and don't

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think, Oh, I found this toy.

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I'm going to give it to you.

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So this is really the only time

that we give them or buy them.

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Things that they want.

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Otherwise they have to save up their

money for something that they would want.

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So we do spend a certain amount and then

I that But then if there's something

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for our homeschool that we need, that

I want for all of us to use, like

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a new, really good art supply or,

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a new, you know, art book or whatever

it is, I will gift it and put it under

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the tree as Joyful Adventure Academy.

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So it's a gift for everybody

And we all we all use that.

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So it's fun because we get

to open it and be like, Oh,

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look, but then I don't have to.

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Worry about who exactly it goes to.

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Cause we're all going to use it.

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So I do, we do kind of some of that for

the supplies that are just a little bit

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above or beyond what I would do for the

regular homeschool, And then each kid

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gets their own, special Gifts, or whatnot.

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And then we do.

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Sibling Gifts, where we go to the

store and they use their own money

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to buy a gift for their sibling.

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Sometimes we will either do a bigger gift

and they'll draw names, or if they choose

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they want to do each of them buying a

gift, then we'll do a smaller amount.

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And one year they went to five

below and they picked for everybody.

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So they, each of them bought

three gifts to give, but then

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last year they decided

they wanted to spend

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20 and draw a name.

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And that was really sweet.

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Cause it was a

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little bit more of a nicer gift.

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And it was really fun

to see them pick it out.

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And they're, that is the gift

that they want to give right away.

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First thing, they don't

want to open a gift.

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They want to give their gift.

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And I love that.

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Stephanie: Absolutely.

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We do the same exact thing.

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Same price limit, everything

with the four kids.

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Yep.

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20 limit.

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They draw names and then,

but so excited about that

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Jen: Yeah.

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And I, also do what Betsy does

with writing a code on it.

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I, because they're, you know, like

the size of the box they can guess.

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And so I'm known for putting like a

golf ball in it just to, to turn it.

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And it sounds different

and to throw them off.

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So I.

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Now, I, I do have a code and so now when

they go down, they don't know I have, as

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I wrap it, I put it out and so there's,

right now there's gifts under the tree

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and they have no idea who it's for because

it has a code on it that only I know.

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So it's fun.

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They're like

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trying

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to guess and

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Stephanie: Legos.

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And so I will,

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Betsy: Oh!

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Stephanie: wrap up boxes of cereal a lot.

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And, know, and they'll, but they'll

be excited too because it's don't

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let them eat those kind of cereals.

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Anyway, and so then they're like, that's

still a great gift, but it's not the

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Legos that I thought I was getting.

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So, yes, I the

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Betsy: because

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Stephanie: that's fun, yeah.

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Betsy: The, it is a really great, it

really, really helps a lot because

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if you're shopping for a large amount

of people, like you do when you're a

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grandma, it's really hard to keep it

really out balanced and even, and it

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is even if you have a number of kids.

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So, That really helps to have the envelope

or to go out on that shopping day.

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We really love that, but we also play

a good attitude game and that is this

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is just something a little extra I

do and this is a hard tradition to

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keep too because now I have to shop

for 18 people it's like a white

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elephant and you go around but there's

Lots of great presence in there,

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but there's always a clunker.

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And, uh, one year Johnny fell for the.

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Giant, beautiful box with the bent

up wire hangers and, but to, like

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you start the game and you say,

this is the good attitude game.

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Now you have nothing and you are going

to go home with something, but you

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have to have a good attitude about it.

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and you know what?

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They have an opportunity to trade

it out, but he had the very last

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opportunity to trade it out.

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And he traded for the.

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the.

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box, which, uh, now they never pick

the big fancy box, but, this year it

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was actually something really nice.

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So, try not to make anybody too upset.

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And, and lots of times I will,

you know, pick it out at the end,

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but no, we really want it to be,

You know, have a good attitude.

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Now, when you play that

game, you know how it goes.

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You go all the way through the lineup

to number 18, but then we start over at

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number one and they can trade it out.

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So now they see everything.

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And by the way, they're wrapped

and they have a ribbon and they

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have to fish for it with a hook.

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It's a toy one.

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It's not a real fishing they

have to fish for their prize.

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it's set on a big table.

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And, um, always the game

within the game, we call it.

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uh, it's really fun to watch them all.

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Oh my goodness.

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Fling that hook around was kind of

dangerous this year with the little kids,

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so that's just a little extra thing

that you might do to, you feel

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like, Hey, they already know what

they're probably going to get.

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So I want to have something

that's sort of a little

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Emily: So fun.

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Stephanie: we do the something you want,

something you need, something to do

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something to read, and then, do a shared

gift, so kind of like what you were

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saying, Jen, but this is kind of their

big gift, and one year it was a fort

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building kit, and one year it was...

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food with this farm stand

when they were younger.

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And, I guess I like it because it's.

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It takes away part of that possessiveness

and greediness a little bit that this

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is to share and to enjoy together, but

you're still getting something special.

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And then I'm happy to spend a

little bit more on that item.

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One year we used all of our Costco rewards

for an entire year and then put all the

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aunt and uncle money and got a swing set.

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So was really exciting, but

I always have a fun challenge

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for them to open that gift.

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year we did a Christmas escape

room, and they had to solve

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all these puzzles to open it.

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One year, we had them figure

out how many gifts you would

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get in the 12 days of Christmas.

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It can go so quickly to open

up the gifts that they have.

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when they do this challenge together, it

extends the morning, which is really fun.

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And I just like to hear the way

that they encourage each other

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and the teamwork that it produces.

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Like my oldest will say to

his younger brother, you're

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the calculator we need you.

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Also, I, I should say that, when

we give the something to do,

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sometimes it's been a game that

then we'll play that as a family,

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I like the idea of the gift producing.

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An opportunity for family time.

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now let's talk a little bit

about our thoughts on Santa's.

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Does anyone have a strong conviction

or a strong preference on the topic?

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Obviously we know that this is a

personal preference, but I just wanted

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to give you an opportunity to speak

about your thoughts on the idea.

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Emily: We always,

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Jen: Oh, sorry.

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Emily: we always, and we never,

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Jen: was so funny.

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We.

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Emily: No, we did,

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We did set out cookies and milk

for Santa because we made all of

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those sugar cookies, but our kids

never, they knew Santa wasn't real.

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It was just a fun thing that we

just kind of played along with.

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They knew it wasn't real, so we, we had

fun with it, but we never, but they knew.

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They knew all along.

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We just had fun with it.

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And so, I, I didn't grow

up believing in Santa.

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But and the kids had fun with it.

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We would set it.

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out in a cute little vintage Santa mug.

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And we just had fun with it.

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And we always ask dad, like Jake,

what cookies Santa wanted this year.

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So we just enjoyed it.

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But they always knew

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the real meaning behind Christmas.

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Jen: We didn't do Santa.

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We just, I don't know, we,

we never, we just never did.

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We told them from the beginning, like,

yeah, people are going to ask you in the

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store, Santa's going to bring You and you

can just give them an answer and move on.

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But, um, they obviously knew about Santa

You can't, I don't think it's possible

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for people to not know about Santa

because everybody, everybody does it.

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So, um.

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This year, I actually had a friend

whose daughter, still believes in

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Santa and they go through great

extent to help her to keep that.

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Just magical for them.

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And, and so we had to talk to my youngest

about like, how do you handle that?

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Like it's not your job to

crush her dreams there.

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So just you know, having to

be careful about like, that's

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just not what our family does.

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We're not against it.

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We just, we just always wanted it.

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I I always wanted our kids to feel

like we're telling them the truth.

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That's just a personal conviction for

us, that we just wanted to that they,

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they were hearing the truth from us, but

that's not to say that I think it's...

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You know, Horrible.

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Stephanie: She'll

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still be friends with you Emily

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Jen: Yeah.

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Betsy: Well, I mean, there

was a real Saint Nick, so

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you can tell him about that,

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the idea is to be giving and charitable

yeah, the whole idea of Santa has

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definitely gone to the extreme.

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I would let my kids, if they wanted

to, get a picture with Santa, but they,

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they always knew that it wasn't, real.

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We always said, everything we have

comes from the Lord, not Santa.

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But, don't rain on people's parades

if they're pretty serious about it,

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except, you know, I don't understand why

people would be really serious about it.

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Because there's other things that are

so much more serious and more important.

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But um, you know, there's

some pretty things out there.

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But I just never bought

anything with Santa.

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We just never had Santa

in our house at all.

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He just wasn't in there.

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But, uh, not to say that we didn't

see a book that had Santa on it.

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Or that you might see, know, some

really cute little mugs, it's

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just a personal preference.

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You just have to know what the truth

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is and that, that everything

comes from the Lord.

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Stephanie: yeah, that's

a great distinction.

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When I was in college, I heard one

of, the guys in our campus ministry

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say, My parents didn't want to teach

us about Santa and teach us about

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God and have us find out Santa wasn't

real and think God wasn't real.

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And, And just at that moment, I was like,

all right, like my mind's made up and not,

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not because you can't do both, but because

like you said, Jen, that I want my kids to

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know that I will tell you the truth, but

I feel like it's such a displaced focus.

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Like, everything magical

about Santa is true of Jesus.

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he Rides through the clouds, you

can read in scripture about how,

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you know, Jesus has returned and he

he's gonna come on the clouds and

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the Santa, he sees you when you're

sleeping, he knows when you're awake.

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I feel like when it's about Santa,

it's almost creepy and he's record

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keeping, but with the Lord, that's for

our protection and our goodness and

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tenderness, and he gives good gifts.

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And I just think, and he has,

you know, he's a generous father.

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All of the great things about

Santa are true of Jesus.

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And so why would I spend

time focusing on that?

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Betsy: Give his glory to another.

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Stephanie: Yes.

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I remember finding out that Santa

wasn't real and I was crushed and

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just like, I feel like, how could

you lie to me and, and felt like,

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like part of my childhood died.

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And so I think some even I have

some relatives that are like,

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how could you take that magical

part away from your children?

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But I feel, no, no, no,

I want to teach them.

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About all of that hope and

all of that pure heartedness.

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Like that's yes and amen and Jesus.

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And, And so you can, we can actually

steward that and encourage it by

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saying you're right, like you, you

were built for something magical,

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for something supernatural and

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And

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Emily: Yes.

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Yes.

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Betsy: And Jesus just doesn't

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disappoint when you hear

about who he really is.

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I'm never thought about that.

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I'm going to have to meditate on

that for a little while for sure.

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But really we might have strong thoughts

on it, but we know that it's a personal

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preference and Emily I'm sure that your.

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Vintage bug is adorable and we

would gladly drink out of them.

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If we were celebrating at your house.

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Betsy: Well, I've

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seen some

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pretty cute

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Santa things I have.

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Jen: I find it would be

exhausting to keep it going.

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Like I would be like, Oh man, we

gotta, we gotta keep doing this.

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And I don't just, it, it freed me so

much to be like, yeah, he's not real.

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Sorry.

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Betsy: Well, it's interesting that

the two main holidays, Christmas

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and Easter, there's secular view

of, you know, eclipsing that with

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an Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

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And where we feel the Santa Claus

is benevolent, I don't know what the

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Easter Bunny does, but Neither one

of those, even though we might have

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a bunny cake or an Easter egg hunt

or whatever, and we do do that, it

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doesn't mean they know that Jesus reigns

supreme in everything and every day.

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But we also do love to do some

I love a good imagination and

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some fun and some creativity.

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We always, the, the person that we

played up was the tooth fairy and

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they knew that the tooth fairy wasn't

real, but we always just said, you

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know, it's not eclipsing the Lord,

uh, in, in one of his, um, important.

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You know, celebrations or announcements

of, his birth or his resurrection.

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So, uh, we, we always kind of, uh,

pretended about the truth fairy.

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That was fun.

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And I think, you know, imaginary things

and things with little children are fun.

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And I, I think that's the thing

that people are gravitating

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towards with their children.

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But we just have to be careful

that it never eclipses the true,

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one who never forsakes, never,

fails us, never disappoints us,

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And that is just something

that we can hope in forever.

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Stephanie: So funny because

we do the tooth fairy too.

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And I'm like, am I being inconsistent?

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Because my boys knew this is pretend.

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but my daughter has hung on to it

a little bit more than I expected.

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Stephanie: Obviously that's

mom's handwriting on that note.

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But I would just write them really funny

notes about like, Oh, thank goodness.

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I've been circling your house for weeks.

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I'm so glad that tooth finally fell out.

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I'm glad to hear that you

also did that empathy.

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Thanks so much for listening to this

episode, and we hope that it either

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confirmed something that you're feeling

or maybe it provoked some thought into.

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The reasons behind your traditions.

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Before I let you go.

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I'm going to share a little bit about

something really special that happened in

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our home during the Christmas season that

I truly wasn't expecting and didn't plan.

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But I'm so thankful for how

the Lord orchestrated it.

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It was a Sunday in December and we

had just gotten home from church.

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And previously I had shown my children.

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A miracle of life video, perhaps

you've seen it it has beautiful

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music in the background and it

shows a baby developing in the womb.

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And I had shown it to them.

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I think when I was

pregnant with my youngest.

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To explain what the Lord is doing

and how the baby was developing.

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But it does begin with

an ag being fertilized.

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And of course they never

thought much about that.

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But all of a sudden I could see that

this was really clicking in my son's

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head as he was getting older and he was

starting to put some things together.

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When I say the talk, I

want to be clear that.

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It's better to have a series of talks that

it's an ongoing conversation that you have

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with your children, that there's openness.

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And honesty in an age appropriate way.

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But this was the moment that was the

clearest that we had ever expressed.

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How this works to my son.

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And, I realized, okay, he's

really putting it together.

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He's on the brink and we need to provide

a little bit more clarity here for him.

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So I talked to my husband quickly and,

he felt peace about it and he agreed.

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So we put my other children

down for their rest time.

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we warmed up apple cider and sat my son

down in front of the Christmas tree.

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And we were able to explain.

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The talk more clearly again, like

I said, in an age appropriate way.

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But we were able to explain it

in light of the Virgin birth.

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the focus was on Christ

and the miracle of that.

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And I think it made it.

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So much more beautiful.

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And then I also explained to my son

that just as at Christmas when we're

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ex so excited to give him gifts.

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That God is really excited to give him

this gift when he's married someday.

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But just like, if you peek at

your Christmas presents too early.

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The your joy on Christmas

morning, isn't as exciting.

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And we told him the Lord

has this gift to give you.

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But you need to wait until

you're married to open it.

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I explained that I was available to

talk to him anytime he wanted to.

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And we kind of call it, our

code is a marriage present.

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I'm sharing this because.

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It was something I had never planned,

like I said, but because so much of the

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focus was on Christ and the miracle.

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Of his arrival.

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And we were sitting in front of their

Christmas tree and it became one

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of my favorite parenting moments.

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And I didn't expect that.

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So, if you have been feeling.

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the holy spirit prompting you, that

one of your children is ready to have

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a little bit more clarity on the topic.

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Then it might be the time.

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And I bet note, I want to share

a really funny story that I

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heard recently from a friend.

402

She told me that her friend's child had

come to her and said, Mom, what is Virgin?

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And the mom thought.

404

Oh okay.

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She gave a very clear,

accurate description.

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And then she said to her son, can you

tell me where you heard that word?

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And he said, yeah, I just read it on the

bottle of olive oil that you have there.

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the lesson is sometimes we need to

ask a few more questions before.

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Our children need more information.

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Thanks again for

listening to this episode.

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I do hope that it's provided.

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Some wisdom, some joy.

413

And.

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If there are some hard things

that you're wrestling with.

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I hope that you can take a

moment to listen to the episode.

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Entitled Emmanuelle had

Jesus truly transformed.

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Even our disappointments.

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as mothers, it's so easy

to have these idealistic.

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Picture esque.

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expectations of what the

holiday will look like.

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And often it sets us

up for disappointment.

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I pray that we can truly enter in.

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With Christ's arrival and the humility.

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Of the manger, this Christmas season.

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I pray that we teach our kids.

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To Marvel.

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At the simplicity and

the beauty of it all.

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Over what they are receiving.

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And if you have been blessed by

interested, or by this podcast, we ask

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that you would share it with a friend,

write a review and perhaps you would

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consider donating to the ministry.

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You can head to our website to do that.

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We pray.

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You have a blessed Christmas season.

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We know you're busy, Mama, so

we are truly grateful you joined

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us for this episode of Again.

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If you're looking for more information

about building your home on the

438

foundation of Jesus Christ, head to www.

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EntrustedMinistries.

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com to learn more about our study for

moms, Entrusted with a Child's Heart.

441

This scripture saturated study

has blessed families around the

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world, and we want it for you, too.

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Before you go, I want to pray

this benediction over you

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from 2 Thessalonians 1, 11 12.

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We're rooting for you.

446

To this end, we always pray for you,

that our God may make you worthy of His

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calling, and may fulfill every resolve

for good, and every work of faith by

448

His power, so that the name of our Lord

Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in

449

Him, according to the grace of our God.

450

And the Lord Jesus Christ.

451

Amen.

452

Until we meet again.