Unfiltered: Erika, Jenn, and Therese on Self-Love in Midlife

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Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast, a space where we explore what

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it looks like to really trust yourself,

say no without guilt, and live your

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life like it actually belongs to you.

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I'm Erica Voell, a decision mentor and

inner trust guide, and I help women

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in midlife untangle from the life

patterns of shape-shifting and keeping

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everyone else happy, claim how they are

uniquely designed to make decisions,

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and understand their unique strengths.

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Using human design as a lens, we clear the

noise of conditioning so their no feels

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powerful and their yes feels true, and

they can move forward without self-doubt,

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guilt, and pressure to prove anything.

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On this show, we have honest conversations

about self-trust, boundaries, energy,

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and identity, especially for women

in midlife who are done living by the

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shoulds and second-guessing themselves.

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If you've taken every personality test,

followed the recommended path, and still

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can't shake the feeling that you've

been spending your whole life trying to

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fit in when what you really wanted was

to belong, you're in the right place.

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You'll hear stories, insights,

and tools rooted in human

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design, coaching, and real life.

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Not to tell you what to do like

another self-help book, but to help you

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really hear yourself so you can stop

overthinking and start making decisions

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that feel grounded, clear, and true.

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We are in the middle of the summer

of self-love, and this week's

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episode is a little different.

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I'm going to be doing a couple of these

episodes to highlight the women who have

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shared their stories in this series so

that you can get to know them better,

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and they will be throughout the summer.

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And this week, it's in the

form of me actually reading the

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Substack article that was posted.

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You can find the link in the show notes.

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So let's get to the episode.

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Unfiltered: Real Stories

of Self-Love in Midlife.

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Meet the women sharing their self-love

stories this summer by Erica Voell,

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Erika Sardinha, Therese from Self-Led

by Design, and Jenn Gemma White

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This summer of self-love

started very randomly from

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one comment on a masterclass.

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You can get the link to the

full story in the article.

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I knew this summer needed to

be about exploring women's

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complicated relationships with

self-love and self-criticism.

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No one has it all fixed and tied

up in a bow, but they are all on

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a path to a deeper, more loving

relationship with themselves.

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They share the real versions of

themselves, not the aspirational one

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that we've been sold for decades.

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What self-love actually looks like on a

hard day, what human design shifted for

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them, and what they're still working on.

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Throughout the summer, I will be

highlighting a few of them here, so

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you can get to know them a little

better and their deeper stories

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will be part of future articles.

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Everyone has their own unique human

design that makes their story unique.

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What ties so many of us together is

that loving yourself is a journey.

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We're on different continents,

and still the threads connect us.

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In this article, you meet three

of the women who said yes:

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Erika Sardina, who

writes The Gentle Badass.

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Jenn Gemma White, who writes

The Truth We Carry: The Magic

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and Messiness of Motherhood

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And Tress Holden, who writes

The Self Led by Design

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Erika Sardinha,

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One, tell us a little about yourself

and where you are in life right now

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I am Erika.

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I am an almost 40-year-old

African European woman, born in

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Angola and raised in Portugal.

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I am an empowerment and embodiment

coach for women who have been

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through a lot, have done a lot of

healing, and are now ready to build

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a future that they are proud of.

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That is the work I do because

I was once that woman,

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I am still that woman,

building a life I am proud of.

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I have been through a lot of

trauma in my childhood and teen

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years, and I decided to heal, move

forward, and then start building.

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And right now, at this stage of my life,

I feel like I am reaping the benefits of

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all of that healing and all of that work.

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I'm content with where I am and

excited about what is coming.

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I recently bought my dream home in the

countryside with my partner, and I am

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just enjoying living in nature, running

my business, and supporting other women.

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I am currently expanding into more

in-person events and craving more

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of that real human connection.

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This is where I am, just continuing

to build and expand and taking

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as many women with me as I can.

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Two, what's one thing about your human

design that changed how you see yourself?

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Human design has been a beautiful

tool, not only to help me see

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myself, but to truly accept myself.

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I always knew I had many passions.

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I had this constant desire to start new

things, learn new things, and sometimes

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I wouldn't finish things because I would

get everything I needed from something

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and then naturally lose interest.

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I knew all of that about myself, but

human design shone a light on all of it

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and made it okay for me to be who I am.

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It helped me stop asking what is

wrong with me, and just accept

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that this is who I am, and it's

valid, and it's a superpower.

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That was the greatest gift

it gave me, self-acceptance.

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Three, what does self-love actually

look like in your daily life?

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Not the aspirational version,

but what you actually do.

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I love this question because I truly

believe self-love is a practice.

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It's something you do.

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I love that reframing because as

long as we keep seeing self-love as

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something you should just inherently

have, it's hard to actually practice it.

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So what does it look like

practically in my daily life?

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It looks like acting like I love myself.

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When I wake up, I give myself enough

time for a morning routine, so

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I can do the things that help me

take care of my body and my mind.

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I meditate, journal,

and do yoga most days.

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This is how I show myself

that I love myself.

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I also speak to myself with love.

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When I get frustrated with myself,

I take a deep breath, tune back

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into that self-love energy and

ask, "What do you need right now?"

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And then there are the smallest things.

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The way I comb my hair, the way I brush

my teeth, the way I apply my lotion.

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I realized at some point that I was

doing all of these things aggressively,

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quickly, like I couldn't afford

to take care of myself lovingly.

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So now I do them gently with care

because that is also self-love.

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That's how I practice self-love in

the little and the big things, in the

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way I speak and how I treat myself.

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It helps to think about how you

would treat someone you love and

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just doing it yourself and really

boiling it down to the tiniest

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things, such as brushing your teeth.

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Four, what are you still working on

when it comes to loving yourself?

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What I am currently working on is

letting my own validation be enough.

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When you are someone who is visible

on social media and shares their work

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publicly, it's natural to want to feel

validated in what you do, and that

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is something I am actively working on

and stepping into more fully, trusting

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myself as my own source of validation.

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For example, when I post a piece on

Substack, if I love it, I want to just

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keep loving it, to love it the way I did

when I wrote it and not let the numbers

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define how I feel about my own work.

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That doesn't mean I can't take feedback.

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Sometimes the numbers are

feedback, and that's okay.

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But there's a difference between receiving

feedback and letting it define your value.

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That's what I'm learning

to navigate better.

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Erika's Substack publication,

The Gentle Badass.

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Jenn Gemma White,

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One, tell us a little about yourself

and where you are in life right now

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. Speaker 2: I'm a woman in my

early fifties living in Asheville,

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North Carolina, as a transplant

from the Bay Area of California.

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I'm a mountain girl at heart and love

living in the area of the country

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that offers such lush landscapes

and endless outdoor activities.

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I'm a mom to a wildly creative

and generous human and a dog

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mom to a very stubborn mutt.

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I had my daughter later in life,

so I am navigating both midlife for

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myself and the tween years with her.

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Right now, I am trying to build a

business while also being present and

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available to her and supporting my

husband in his own professional endeavors.

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I am battling daily moments of feeling

insecure and not quite ready, but

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also feeling energized and inspired

by what I am creating for moms.

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Since my daughter is a little older

now, I am re-engaging in art, dance,

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and travel, passions that I took

a break from when she was young.

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What's one thing about your human design

that has changed how you see yourself?

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Learning about my open centers, head

and ajna mind, and knowing that I

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am highly influenced by others and

their ideas because I am open in

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those two areas was such a relief.

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I just thought I was too insecure

to have my own ideas, and now I

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see that I am actually designed

to take in that information.

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The growth is learning what

to keep and what to ignore.

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Three.

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What does self-love look

like in your daily life?

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Not the aspirational version,

but what you actually do.

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Self-love for me looks like having

compassion for the parts of me

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that show up in challenging ways,

prioritizing time for friends,

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exercise, reflection, and creativity.

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Tuning into my intuition and

decision-making for guidance.

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Recognizing and accepting that I will

make mistakes and that there is always

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a way to repair and move forward.

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Four.

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What are you still working on

when it comes to loving yourself?

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Removing my thoughts and beliefs

from who I actually am at my core.

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I am trying to operate from a deeper,

truer version of myself, where

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there is deep integrity between who

I am and how I think and behave.

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It's a tall order, I know.

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I feel it.

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Jenn's Substack publication.

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The Truth We Carry: The Magic

and Messiness of Motherhood.

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Therese Holden.

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One, tell us a little about yourself

and where you are in life right now.

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I am forty-nine, mom to a

wonderful son, and I have a

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gorgeous three-year-old grandson.

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I live in Stafford in the UK.

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I currently work full-time

in a corporate role.

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I work in technology as a service

owner, not where I thought

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I'd be when I was younger.

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I've been a certified coach for four

years, and I coach as part of my

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organization's internal coaching network.

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I see women struggling with the

same struggles I've had through my

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corporate career, trying to squeeze

themselves into the mold the system

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thinks they should fit all while being

told to be authentic leaders even when

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that same authenticity is criticized

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I see the armor they put on

each day exhausting them.

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I'm currently building my own coaching

business outside of my corporate day

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job because I believe that when a woman

leads herself first, everything changes.

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Two, what's one thing about your human

design that changed how you see yourself?

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I think my whole design has

changed how I see myself.

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At first, I had a mix of recognition

and relief, but also some resistance.

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As I've studied, the resistance has

lessened, and I have so many aha

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moments going, "Oh, that's what that

is," as things come up in daily life.

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The big thing for me has been my profile.

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The way I am designed to move

through life has enabled me to look

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back on my life with compassion

and understanding and release the

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shame and regret I was carrying.

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It's allowed me to start to experiment

more, to try things out, and as a 3/5,

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it's given me huge permission to fail

forward and learn and to understand

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how I'm seen by others and why.

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Three, what does self-love actually

look like in your daily life?

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Not the aspirational version,

but what you actually do.

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Self-love for me means I

start my day focusing on me.

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Sounds selfish when I write it, but

what I mean is that I make space for

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me at the start of the day and show up

for myself in my own practices before

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I begin to pour my energy into others.

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For me, that's yoga and journaling

curled up with a hot cup of tea.

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Self-love looks like listening to my

body, my energy levels, and looking

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after my boundaries, knowing when I need

to rest and allowing myself to do less.

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Self-love means looking after my needs

and respecting myself enough to get enough

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sleep and eat well, or as well as I can.

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A bit of fun, a bit of rest, and to try

to find a moment of joy in each day.

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Four, what are you still working on

when it comes to loving yourself?

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I am still working with my inner critic.

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She's showing up a lot recently as I get

more visible with my ideas and my work

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as a coach outside of my organization.

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But that's okay because I'm

doing new things, and it's

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new territory for us both.

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She just needs a hug every

now and again and reassurance

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that we're going to be fine.

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I'm also working on deepening

my understanding of my own human

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design and to work with it as

a compass of who I am becoming.

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It's exciting to keep

discovering new things.

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Therese's Substack publication,

Self Led by Design.

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What's coming this summer?

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This entire summer, we're exploring

self-love from many different angles

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through women's experiences, because

our inner voice is just as important

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as our outer voice, and when we feel

good inside, it also shows up in how

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we show up in many different ways.

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Some of what's coming, shame and

self-love, the shoulds and self-love,

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where self-love shows up in the human

design chart, and learning to love

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yourself using your own human design.

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I'll also be sharing my own

experiences along the way.

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This summer is personal for me too.

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The second half of my life is

about learning to love myself and

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helping others to do the same.

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Not just embodying it, but

helping other women see how

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they can love themselves too.

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And I've started to see it play out

in real life, in starting to use human

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design as a way to love ourselves rather

than as another reason to fix ourselves.

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Look for more conversations

with these women and future

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profiles throughout the summer.

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These conversations are just

getting started, and I'm so

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glad you're here for them.

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Speaker 7: If this episode resonated

with you, I would be so grateful if you

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would click the plus sign to subscribe

and share it with a friend or colleague.

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You can also find me on Substack where

I publish articles, host workshops, and

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share more about human design and midlife.

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Thanks for joining me.

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Be well.

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