Mari and husband Trey Wagner engage in a fun and intimate Q&A session. They recount personal stories, their discernment process for marriage, tips on maintaining chastity, handling wedding night nerves, and balancing new life changes. The couple also shares their experience with NFP, the emotional journey of infertility, and practical advice for building a Christ-centered marriage.

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mari-wagner_2_07-09-2024_212141: =Welcome

to tonight's, uh, Trey and Mari tell all.

2

Yes, we are.

3

We are recording.

4

What time is it?

5

It's a 10 and 30.

6

It's nine 22, 9 30 PM.

7

We haven't had dinner yet.

8

So we brought a little snack.

9

Yeah, don't, don't recommend

having dinner at 10 p.

10

m.

11

And some wine.

12

But we made it fun tonight.

13

Okay, we had a lot of work to do.

14

Yes, clink.

15

We had a lot of work to do and we

were like, and this is, this just

16

shows you how crazy we are, okay?

17

This is just something that we would do.

18

We had a lot of work to do today and so

instead of making a quick easy dinner,

19

we were like, no, let's make dinner

fun and let's make the handmade pasta.

20

And bruschetta recipe that we learned

in Italy two years ago, which takes

21

about two hours to simmer, at least.

22

So we got the ragu sauce on the

stove, it's simmering and now we

23

have time to record a podcast.

24

Exactly.

25

So, and then we'll hand make the

pasta and have a great night.

26

We were dancing in the

kitchen to Valarie by.

27

Frank Sinatra in other great Italian hits.

28

Um, I'm pretty sure Frank Sinatra

is like American New York,

29

but yeah, but it's Italian.

30

So it's American Italian.

31

It's American Italian.

32

Um, we'll be snacking.

33

We have our wine.

34

Um, fun fact, which is not about this

wine, but it's about the wine that

35

we're going to have tonight at dinner.

36

Do you want to share about that?

37

Fun fact?

38

Yeah.

39

So when we left staff with focus,

we traveled to Europe as a fun

40

celebratory new chapter of our lives.

41

And when we were in Italy, we

got, we went on this winery tour.

42

It was super cool.

43

It was this Ricassoli family.

44

Winery and they had a castle

and a winery on their property.

45

And this property has been

in the family for generations

46

and they make wine, obviously.

47

And so we did the wine tour

and a tour of the castle.

48

And then we carried like four bottles,

like somehow in our suitcase through

49

the next, like three countries

we went to and all the way home.

50

And this is what's funny.

51

I was telling a friend about this

recently because I knew we were

52

going to have an Italian night soon.

53

We were going to open one

of these bottles of wine.

54

I was trying to remember how

we got the bottles of wine.

55

We didn't just buy them.

56

Oh, that's right.

57

We didn't just buy them.

58

Sorry, Mari did some bartering.

59

Yeah, we had just bought the whole

like wine tasting experience package

60

and that included dinner, but we

forgot that that included dinner.

61

Or maybe it was lunch, whatever.

62

It included the meal and

then we forgot about that.

63

So we actually paid for

our lunch and then after.

64

It was a nice restaurant.

65

So it was really nice.

66

It was, it was a, it

was a good, good meal.

67

And we ordered a lot.

68

Cause we were like, when in Italy

and after we paid, I realized, wait.

69

Like everybody on our tour

decided to eat here too.

70

Like, how fun is that?

71

And then the waiter was like, Oh

yeah, it's part of the tour they did.

72

And I was like, no, we

were on that tour too.

73

He's like, Oh, well your meal is included.

74

And I look back at the tickets and

sure enough, our meal was included.

75

We had totally forgotten.

76

So, you know, I went up there

and talked to the waiter, cashier

77

person, whoever's at the front desk.

78

And I was like, Hey,

explain the situation.

79

We totally forgot.

80

Like surely you could just refund us the

dinner and yeah, we already paid for it.

81

We'll be on our way.

82

And I guess they don't do that in

Italy, they don't do refunds, but they

83

have unlimited wine at the winery.

84

So they're like, pick some wine.

85

So my, well, my Columbian came out

for those of you who don't know.

86

I was born in Columbia, South

America, a hundred percent Colombian.

87

And sometimes it comes out, sometimes

they get a little bit spicy, feisty.

88

And I was like, okay, you know,

well, first of all, I tried to

89

argue for the refund for a while and

then they did not concede to that.

90

So then I was like, okay, I would like

Colombian Italians versus Colombian.

91

And so then I was like, okay, fine.

92

Then I want the full, like,

Uh, value of my meal in bottles

93

of wine that I can take home.

94

And they were like, uh, okay,

like we'll give you like four.

95

And I argued up to like six bottles of

wine and we took home six bottles of wine.

96

It was like two.

97

Two whites and two regular reds and

two of like the fancy reserve reds.

98

And we shared some with friends, some

with family, some we had ourselves.

99

And then one of like the super

fancy, they call it the reserve

100

wines that are best aged, we've

been saving for three years now.

101

Has it been three years?

102

Or two and a half?

103

Yeah, I think three years.

104

I think it's been three years.

105

This will be the third summer.

106

Yeah, that's right.

107

And we've just been waiting to

open it for a special occasion.

108

And so.

109

So we were supposed to open

it when I quit my job, but.

110

About a month ago.

111

That didn't happen.

112

We, life got carried

away and so here we are.

113

So we're doing it tonight because

it's never too late to celebrate.

114

So that's our intro for today.

115

Um, but if you saw the title of

the podcast, it's Q and A with Mari

116

and Trey, uh, I asked on Instagram.

117

What do you want to know?

118

What questions do you have for us?

119

I said pretty much

anything is on the table.

120

We got a ton, so we obviously won't be

able to get through all, but I think

121

we'll pick out kind of like some of the

top ones that we feel like are either

122

really good to answer, or intriguing,

or a little spicy, or just funny.

123

So here we go.

124

Don't mind me eating here.

125

Where

126

do you want to start?

127

We got a lot, so just grab one.

128

Okay, this one Was asked often, it

was a two part question one, several

129

people asked, what is your love story?

130

So before we get started, let us

just direct you to, I'm pretty sure

131

it's like literally episode two of

the podcast called our love story.

132

So start there.

133

It's a good one and then come back

and then come back and then part

134

two of the most often asked question

was, what did your discernment

135

process look like for marriage?

136

So maybe it was, maybe the question

is kind of like, how did you discern

137

marriage or like, how did you discern?

138

You were right for marriage

like for each other.

139

How do you know that they were the

one that they were the one exactly?

140

Yeah,

141

go ahead.

142

I would say

143

I think one of the at least for me in

our relationship One of the biggest

144

telltale signs was I just came alive

Like truly alive when I was with you.

145

And obviously like when you're first

starting dating, you have all the

146

feelings and you're like, of course you

don't want to be apart from each other.

147

You're making a mess.

148

Okay.

149

You just probably shouldn't podcast.

150

Um, but yeah, I mean, I think like

if you come alive and the person is

151

make the other person, The significant

others making you a better person and

152

you feel like, I think with like, for

an example, I felt like I kind of came

153

out of a shell when I was with Mari.

154

So obviously that's not going

to be the case for everybody.

155

But, um, I felt like I

myself came more alive.

156

Like, the good parts of me

became better and the not so

157

good parts of me were tamed down.

158

So did you feel like more like yourself?

159

Yeah.

160

Cause I remember feeling that a

lot and I feel like it was similar.

161

I remember that very early on into

our friendship, something that kind of

162

caught me off guard was how comfortable

I was and how like little I overthought

163

anything I was saying or doing, which.

164

I mean, would you say

I'm like an overthinker?

165

Like a lot?

166

I would say you're an overthinker,

but maybe not an extreme.

167

Okay.

168

Well, women in general

tend to overthink a lot.

169

I don't feel like I'm an extreme, like

I have friends who are like way more

170

extreme overthinkers, but I would say I'm

still an overthinker, but I'm sure women

171

listening in have experienced this before,

where you just kind of catch yourself.

172

overthinking.

173

Maybe you don't even realize, but

like, you're just kind of like

174

anxious or just like, Oh, did

I say something that was weird?

175

Or did I do something that was off?

176

Or like, how do I?

177

It's particularly act or talk or present

myself in a way that's gonna like make

178

him like me more like those are all

thoughts that I had had in the past

179

and I think it sort of surprised me

because I didn't even realize because

180

I was so like on like you said like a

shell or like a guard was like I was

181

so unguarded that like I was so Myself.

182

Yeah.

183

And I like, it's like

my weird side came out.

184

It's like, I realized, wow, I'm like

really weird when we were together.

185

Thought I was normal.

186

You prided yourself on being normal.

187

And I remember thinking like,

wow, there's very few people

188

who like, know my truest self.

189

And that would be like, My two

best friends and my family.

190

And now this guy that I just met

like three weeks ago and that just

191

like developed over our relationship.

192

Um, yeah, mine, both of those are great.

193

Yeah.

194

Similar sides of the same coin.

195

Yeah.

196

So, I mean, that's a really good

indicator that like you're with, you're

197

with the right person, I would say.

198

Um, what about this like specific

discernment of marriage with each other?

199

There's a lot of prayer

involved with that, that we had.

200

Yeah.

201

A lot of like guidance and mentorship.

202

Yeah.

203

I mean, I think, I think the

biggest thing is discernment.

204

Don't get caught in that word and in that

mindset of just no action, but all prayer.

205

Discernment is actually an action.

206

So it actually means going on dates.

207

It means exploring the next steps.

208

It means having those deeper

conversations and actually taking action.

209

Um, and not just sitting in

prayer or just like in your

210

head, trying to overthink things.

211

Um, so I'd say one discernment's

an action, but then two, obviously

212

it involves prayer for sure.

213

Um, and we had some spiritual

mentors and spiritual directors

214

that helped guide that process.

215

So I'd recommend that.

216

Yeah, for sure.

217

Yeah.

218

I, as I think back, I feel

like it was mainly guided by.

219

Those spiritual mentors that we

had, we each had like a priest that

220

was like speaking into our lives.

221

And then we kind of had a mutual

like faith mentor that we both kind

222

of shared that I feel like kind of

walked us through just our faith life

223

during those years that we learned a

lot from, but I'll speak to one thing.

224

I think that many.

225

Is this fear that God is not going to

grant them the vocation that they desire?

226

And so I think where I commonly

see this as women asking, like,

227

what if I'm called to be a sister?

228

What if I'm called to religious life,

you know, and it's always asked or

229

said with this fear of just like, I

like have always wanted to be married.

230

Like, what if God doesn't want that

now through your discernment process?

231

You know, you can come to what

the, you will come to what

232

the Lord's will is for you.

233

And in the end, whatever his will is, is

what's going to bring you the most joy.

234

So just know that.

235

But the other thing that I learned

through this discernment process

236

when we were dating was that When you

are, when you're in relationship with

237

Jesus, like your wills are aligned.

238

So this is like when you are

not in mortal sin, right?

239

You're in a state of grace.

240

You're in a constant prayer.

241

Like you have a prayer life

where you like actually.

242

Speak to Jesus and allow time for

silence to hear him, to connect with him.

243

When you are really like in tune with

the Lord, your wills are naturally

244

aligned because when we are in a

state of grace and when we are in

245

relationship with Christ, our soul is

just naturally oriented towards God and

246

naturally oriented towards his will.

247

And so those desires that

you have on your heart.

248

Are really from the Lord and

are even placed there by Jesus.

249

And so I think one of my fears, I remember

I was like at this retreat, one of my

250

fears was that I loved God so much, you

know, I was growing my faith so much.

251

And like, what if, what if God

was calling me to be a sister?

252

I think I love God too much.

253

What if I love God too much and I have

to be a sister and I was at, uh, I was

254

an intern for focus at the time I was

at the training for the missionaries

255

as an intern, but there you're

surrounded by many young religious,

256

many young priests, many young sisters.

257

And I'd never seen that before.

258

And I'd never seriously

considered a religious vocation.

259

So it kind of like sparked just

like a interest and like, maybe

260

I need to discern this anyways.

261

It was kind of like eating away at

me all summer because I, I found

262

myself just like praying in prayer.

263

Begging God, please don't let it be

it, please don't let it be it, please

264

don't let it be it, instead of like,

Lord, show me what your will is.

265

And then I went to spiritual direction

with a priest and spoke to him about it.

266

And he had me do like a exercise

of mental prayer of just like

267

going to the place where I meet

Jesus, you know, a place of peace.

268

Imagine Jesus with you.

269

Um, I think he had me like open my

hands and like put everything that

270

was weighing me down in my hands.

271

And this whole anxiety and fear of.

272

losing our relationship of becoming a

sister of losing this dream of marriage

273

and motherhood that I had and offering it

to Jesus and letting go and seeing like

274

what Jesus placed in my hand in return.

275

Like after I emptied my hands, what

did Jesus actually place in my hands?

276

And in my prayer, I felt

marriage and motherhood.

277

And I even asked him, I was like, well,

Father, like, this is what I want.

278

This is what I desire.

279

So like, is this just me

or is this actually God?

280

Like, is this just me like

saying that it's marriage and

281

motherhood that Jesus put in my

hands because that's what I want?

282

Or is that actually God speaking to me?

283

And it was very, his

response was very simple.

284

It's, it was, do you, have you

ever desired to be a sister?

285

And I was like, not really.

286

No.

287

He's like, do you have any sort of

inkling, any like, even small bit of

288

interest or desire or feeling like

the Lord is maybe calling you there?

289

And I was like, honestly, no.

290

No, he's like, is there any like

peace when you think about it?

291

Or is there anxiety?

292

Like, what do you feel?

293

I'm like, I am literally terrified

that God will call me to do this.

294

And that's where he was like daughter.

295

And he did the whole thing

about the wills being aligned.

296

He's like, your will is not

the opposite of God's will.

297

And I think that we spend a

lot of our life feeling like.

298

What God wants is probably

the opposite of what we want

299

because we're so inclined to sin.

300

But when we are in relationship with

the Lord, when we are in a state of

301

grace, our wills can be, are aligned.

302

And so he was like, the Lord just wants

to give you the desires of your heart.

303

If it's not a desire at all

to be a sister, then you're

304

probably called to marriage.

305

And I felt like I had like, The

heaviest jacket like taken off

306

of me that the biggest way off

my shoulders and I could breathe.

307

Um, and that was kind of like the

start of kind of that confirmation of

308

like, yeah, I'm called to marriage.

309

And then throughout the summer,

I had different meetings with the

310

spiritual director about what it

looked like to discern engagement.

311

That was the next step.

312

Totally.

313

Yeah.

314

I mean, ultimately surrender.

315

Your will to God, be in prayer,

try to do the Lord's will and have

316

spiritual, spiritual mentorship.

317

Yeah.

318

You can always ask your parish priest or

if you're in college, sometimes if you

319

go to a Catholic college, like you'll

have like a pastor or a what's it called?

320

Chaplain.

321

Um, any one of these priests could

probably do spiritual direction

322

if you've never done that before.

323

Okay, next question.

324

Okay, this one is mostly for Trey.

325

Oh no.

326

How do you tell a guy who's interested

in you, but hasn't quite asked you

327

out yet, that you don't like him?

328

Play the friend card.

329

Play it multiple times

until he gets the message.

330

Be obvious that you're friends.

331

Be painfully obvious that you're friends.

332

Eating the most thick headed will get

it a third, fourth, or fifth time.

333

How do you do that without being flirty?

334

No, you just make comments of

like, I'm so happy we're friends.

335

Like, you're such a good friend.

336

Like, you don't have

to be, don't be flirty.

337

Don't be flirty.

338

Don't be flirty.

339

Definitely don't be flirty.

340

I think you have to be very

friendly, but like explicitly say

341

the word friend a couple times.

342

I think that'll.

343

And that'll come off.

344

Yeah.

345

Okay.

346

Short and sweet.

347

Short and sweet.

348

Okay.

349

Next question.

350

How to handle a smooth transition

with all the change that comes with

351

marriage, moving, new job, et cetera.

352

I think first.

353

Let go the word smooth or

let go of whatever ideal you

354

think you have expectations.

355

It's all about managing expectations.

356

Yeah, it's going to be messy.

357

Life's messy.

358

It's not going to be

what you want it to be.

359

There's I mean, Martin, I've

tried for weeks on end to.

360

Have the perfect schedule that

we want and it never happens.

361

So, um, especially when you're going

through transitions, like I think the

362

biggest piece of advice would be to, like

you said, let go of the expectations.

363

Just try your best and

give yourself grace.

364

Um, what was the second

part of the question?

365

No, it's all the same.

366

It's just like how to, how to have

a smooth transition with all the

367

change that comes with marriage,

moving, new job, et cetera.

368

So just like the newness of marriage

of like living with a new person you've

369

never lived with and adjusting to a lot of

things that come with like sharing a life

370

instead of just being like on your own.

371

Yeah.

372

I mean, so one's mindset,

um, messiness and.

373

Giving yourself grace

and your partner grace.

374

Then I would say to find community,

find, have the man find men's community,

375

have the woman find a woman's community.

376

Uh, be the awkward person who

asks somebody to hang out.

377

Yeah.

378

Um, invite people over.

379

For dinner.

380

Um, I think that's the biggest thing is

like when you move into a new neighborhood

381

or a new apartment, like meet your

neighbors the first couple of weeks or

382

else it's too much time will go by and

it'll be weird to introduce yourself.

383

So just get it out of the way early.

384

Um, I would say like, have

a mindset of selflessness.

385

I think that when we live alone, we

get into our grooves of just living

386

for ourselves and like our personal

schedules, our routines, how we like

387

to do things or the time that we like

to wake up or go to bed or, you know,

388

Like when we used to do our chores and

whatnot, and you know, we, we go from

389

living, you know, sometimes on your own

or with the house of like other people

390

and you just do your two dishes a day to

then sharing all the chores in the house.

391

Um, and that's just like a very

practical, small example, but I think

392

leaning on the air of selflessness

of always just being like, okay.

393

It's not just about me.

394

I have to serve my spouse as well as

take care of myself, or I have to think

395

of them as well, or I have to put their

needs above mine sometimes as well.

396

Um, just having that mindset and that

disposition of heart will make it

397

smoother because it can be a rough

transition at first to be like, Oh

398

my gosh, life is not just about me.

399

As much as you love this person.

400

Um, you actually just like your time

just flies by, like your time just

401

becomes so much less when you're married.

402

I don't know why there's

just like more things to do.

403

And a lot of it is beautiful.

404

A lot of it is like, you just

want to spend time together, but

405

just being selfless with, um,

with your time and your energy.

406

And

407

I think another one would be

just like having a really open,

408

honest line of communication.

409

Transitions are different for everybody.

410

I would say the first, the first

few months of our marriage were

411

like really smooth and beautiful.

412

And maybe like six to nine, we hit

some like rocky parts, but I've

413

heard some people's like first

month of marriage is like super

414

hard or first months or first year.

415

You hear that often.

416

We're like, your first

year is the hardest.

417

I think your first year

could also be like.

418

You know, the dreamiest, but, but there's

also so much transition and change

419

that it can be challenging and having

a super open line of communication

420

allows for things not to build up or

for there to be like unhealthy habits

421

that are formed in your relationship.

422

So right off the bat, those first

months of marriage, and maybe

423

this is what makes it rocky.

424

I don't know, but I'm all for like

healthy confrontation is like.

425

If something is bugging you, if you

are hurt by something, if there's

426

like a pattern of things that like

you don't like in your relationship,

427

being consistent about bringing those

up is going to help you guys work

428

through that and kind of get to the

root of like, why is this happening?

429

What is like the true intention, you

know, that's coming from my spouse?

430

How can we readjust?

431

Like how can we apologize and grow and

move on and love each other better?

432

And then I feel like you're setting

a foundation one of honesty of

433

like, Hey, we're both growing.

434

We're both in perfect and we both

want to love each other better.

435

And then you're also setting a

foundation of just like learning

436

to love each other better, faster.

437

Yeah.

438

I love that.

439

Okay,

440

I want you to pick the next question.

441

I need a bite of bruschetta.

442

Bruschetta.

443

You can hold my wine.

444

Did you guys think y'all were

attractive from the beginning?

445

Heck yes.

446

Nah.

447

Took a good three months.

448

Wait, actually.

449

Took a good three months

for me to warm up to you.

450

Wait, that was a joke, but actually.

451

Mine was a joke, but also kind of not.

452

Cause remember, like, it's not that I

didn't think you were attractive, but

453

like, I just really saw you as a friend.

454

And then it was like, all of a sudden,

one day we sat down at the cafeteria

455

and I was like, no, one of your friends

mentioned to you that I was cute.

456

And then you got really jealous.

457

And then my eyes were open and I was like,

wait, wait, no, this man is so attractive.

458

Like, what are you talking about?

459

Let's see.

460

What are your coffee orders?

461

Ooh, Mario.

462

I'm gonna have you go first here.

463

Wait, why don't we guess each other's?

464

I already know yours.

465

Well, good.

466

You should, I think

I'd be harder to guess.

467

Yeah, you would be all right.

468

What's mine.

469

It's either a matcha

or what kind of matcha?

470

A matcha latte with one pump of vanilla?

471

Yes.

472

Whole milk.

473

Whole milk?

474

I mean, if you're not doing

whole milk, what are you doing?

475

I don't know, man.

476

Some people are still on this,

like, almond milk, oat milk train.

477

That's got the most froth.

478

Whole milk's got the most froth.

479

Um, or if it's not that,

then it's a chai tea.

480

Yeah, I'm definitely more of a tea girl.

481

I like coffees at home, but I feel

like, what's your coffee order?

482

Tea.

483

My coffee order is tea.

484

I like coffees at home, but I feel

like coffees at a coffee shop are

485

so strong that they make me jittery

and I don't like how that feels.

486

Yeah.

487

Okay.

488

Yours.

489

Your most common order

is just black coffee.

490

I feel like, though, you

also like cappuccinos.

491

I mix it up.

492

I don't have a normal coffee order.

493

I was gonna say, you Americano.

494

Or a cappuccino.

495

Or a black coffee.

496

Or just a black coffee.

497

See, I got them all right.

498

Or.

499

Or, or a chai.

500

You like the chai.

501

If I want something sweet, it's

either a iced vanilla chai, or

502

it's an iced vanilla coffee.

503

But that's never in the morning.

504

Yeah, we've been working on no

coffee first thing in the morning.

505

Get your protein in, people.

506

Oh, this is gonna be a fun episode.

507

Okay,

508

newlyweds here.

509

How do we get better at praying together?

510

Love it.

511

We should have a whole episode on this.

512

On praying together?

513

Yeah.

514

That'd be good.

515

That would be really good.

516

But give me your 30 seconds.

517

Okay, my 30 seconds is

pray together every day.

518

Um, We've talked about this

before, probably on my Instagram.

519

The easiest thing to do is

to pray together before bed.

520

Um, I would encourage that you guys

try to go to bed at the same time.

521

I've recently learned that a lot of

couples don't go to bed at the same time.

522

And so I think this could

make it difficult if you don't

523

go to bed at the same time.

524

Maybe you try and wake up at the same

time you do something in the morning, but.

525

Our thing is to pray before we go

to bed every night, and it could be

526

anywhere from a minute to a few minutes,

um, depending on how sleepy we are.

527

But basically we take turns just

freestyle prayer and just thinking

528

the Lord for our day and our health.

529

Our family is just our list of

things that we're grateful for.

530

And then any petitions that we have

on our heart, any specific, um, Ways

531

that we're trying to intercede for

our family or friends or intentions

532

that people have entrusted to us.

533

And that's about it.

534

That's, and then it's easy.

535

Super easy.

536

And then a Hail Mary or a glory beer or

something like that every single night.

537

And then we've recently

been on a rosary kick.

538

So we've been praying the

rosary a bunch together.

539

Yeah.

540

I've loved that.

541

Which has been great.

542

It's been awesome.

543

It's been awesome.

544

So we try to do it every day.

545

Yeah.

546

Um, we've kind of just been doing that

before bed, before our prayer time too.

547

Yeah.

548

And then the other thing you could

do is just do Alexio together.

549

So read scripture together,

meditate on scripture.

550

Together and like talk about

what you feel like the Lord's

551

speaking to you through scripture.

552

And I mean, that can be anywhere from 10

to 20 minutes, but yeah, 30 minutes to 40.

553

I mean, that could go a long time.

554

All those are great options.

555

And just like, don't be afraid to put like

a schedule on it or like a goal on it.

556

I think a lot of the times people are

like, Oh, if we, if we put parameters

557

on prayer, then the prayer won't be

authentic and won't be good enough.

558

And that's not, that's not true.

559

Like if it's helpful for you to be like,

Hey, we're going to have like Couples

560

Bible study once, once a week, you know,

like Monday nights, it's just us two.

561

And we're going to pray through the

book of John or like Thursday mornings

562

before work, like we're going to go to

adoration together or something like that.

563

If you have something on the calendar,

that's like kind of like a secret

564

time, like even if it's 30 minutes,

um, you're going to get around

565

to it more and don't feel like it

makes that prayer time any less.

566

Cause it totally doesn't.

567

Oh, the other thing too is

intercessory prayer for each other.

568

So if like Mario asked me, like, Hey, I'm

feeling really stressed or I'm feeling

569

really anxious or whatever she's going

through at that time, or if I'm sick, like

570

just, she'll just ask me to pray for her.

571

And so then I can just like lay

my hands on her and intercede

572

for her and or vice versa.

573

If I'm going through some hard times

or just dealing with some things, I can

574

ask her to intercede for me as well.

575

That's really powerful.

576

All right.

577

I'm going to toss this one your way, Mari.

578

Should we do a spicy one?

579

How did you guys stay chaste?

580

Spicy.

581

Tips would be helpful.

582

Spicy or not spicy.

583

How to not be spicy before you're married.

584

How to be appropriately spicy.

585

How to be appropriately spicy.

586

That's going to be a hot topic.

587

Um, I'm not getting into that.

588

We're not going to get into that.

589

Okay.

590

Chastity while we were

dating, I would say you.

591

Yeah, of course we struggled.

592

And it was hard.

593

And it was really hard.

594

Yeah, and that's okay.

595

Like yeah I think there's freedom

knowing that it's okay for it to be

596

hard It's probably a good thing that

you're sexually attracted to each other.

597

Yeah, I would say that's a really

good thing I would hope so.

598

Yeah, so I want to recognize that it's

not Abnormal, it's not like wrong to

599

be sexually attracted to each other.

600

You just need to learn how to channel

it in the right ways You And depending

601

on the what stage of life you're in.

602

And I, and I would say, gosh, we have

so many things that we could talk

603

about in this topic, but one of the

two things come to mind right now, one

604

is that even if you're struggling one,

like just start again, it is absolutely

605

possible to save sex for marriage, right?

606

That is, that is the goal.

607

The hope that sex is a sacred, the

sacred act between husband and wife.

608

Um, And even though we struggled

in chastity, we were still

609

able to save ourselves for

marriage, like sex for marriage.

610

Um, two, I've heard this a lot

recently too, from other friends.

611

I don't know why it's come up, but it's,

uh, it's a saying that like the devil is

612

going to get, try to get you to have as

much sex as possible before you're married

613

and as little sex as after you're married.

614

So one, when you're dating, it's like,

You're on this like honeymoon level where

615

it's like you just want each other so bad

But at the same time there's a level of

616

like spiritual attack on your relationship

If you are a good and holy godly couple

617

that like wants to be chased there's

going to be a level of attack because

618

the evil one wants to Get you to sin

the evil one wants to pull you away from

619

the Lord and from his beautiful intent

for The sacred act and it just shows

620

how powerful that act is like The sexual

intimacy between a man and a wife is

621

it's crazy.

622

Yeah, it's great.

623

It's amazing.

624

No, but it's like very

spiritually powerful too.

625

I'm trying to say like,

that's why the devil is.

626

Yes.

627

Oh my gosh.

628

So spiritual.

629

Okay.

630

Let's talk about that.

631

I think that's something like people

don't actually know a lot about.

632

And that's one of the things that

convicted me in college to be like, super

633

committed about waiting till marriage.

634

It's the whole spiritual reality

of what sex actually entails.

635

So, When you think of the Trinity, you

know that it's three persons in one and

636

the theologically the way that it works

is, uh, because of the love, like the love

637

between God, the father and Jesus, the

love between them is like, so powerful.

638

Selfless, so strong, so loving, so

perfect that a third being emerges

639

from that and is the Holy Spirit.

640

So the Holy Spirit is essentially

the love of God amongst many things,

641

but there's really no other thing

that we see that emulates that.

642

Like marriage, because when a wife

and husband come together in the

643

sexual act, their love unites them

as one, and also brings forth a third

644

brings forth a baby, you know, when

scientifically it works and the Lord

645

allows it to, it brings forth life.

646

So it truly shows the sanctity of what

this spiritual reality of what this is.

647

Um, I don't remember what Are you going

to say something about the wedding vows?

648

Oh, yes.

649

And then the wedding vows.

650

Oh, this got me too.

651

The wedding vows.

652

When you stand at the altar and say

your wedding vows to your husband,

653

uh, in the Catholic church, you

just have like the one option.

654

There's like two variations, but

it's like the same thing basically.

655

And you don't get to like

write your own wedding vows.

656

Like you just say the vows that the

church has given to us for this sacrament.

657

And in it says, I will be, you

know, faithful and fruitful and

658

love you and all these things.

659

All the days of my life.

660

And I don't remember where I learned this.

661

I think it was maybe a book I was

reading or a talk, but I really

662

reflected on those words all the days

of my life within those wedding vows.

663

And if you think about it, like all

the days of your life are all the

664

days of your life, not just the day

of your marriage forward, right?

665

Or the day when you met that person.

666

But like truly that vow.

667

Has the beautiful like intention

for it to be all of the days of

668

your life from the first day of your

life till the last day of your life.

669

And so that was an encouragement for

me to be like, when I get up on the

670

altar, I want to look at my husband in

his, in the eyes and say, truly, I, you

671

know, am committed to you and have saved

myself for you all the days of my life.

672

So that was like a beautiful encouragement

that I had to wait till marriage and

673

that we both thought was awesome.

674

And then some practical, yes,

practicals, um, confession, a thousand

675

percent, just get a confession as

soon as you can after you fall.

676

Um, don't let, it's really easy

to like fall and then just kind of

677

give up and like, you know, Go a

few weeks of continually falling

678

over and over and over again.

679

So best way to like cut

that cycle is to just get to

680

confession as fast as possible.

681

Jesus wants to forgive you.

682

He wants you to start again.

683

He never gets tired of forgiving you.

684

He will never get tired of you.

685

The priest will never get

tired of hearing you either.

686

And so go together.

687

You can go together.

688

Can you?

689

Um, or not like in the same room together.

690

Oh yeah.

691

go back to back.

692

Yes.

693

You can go like to the church together.

694

Yeah.

695

You can't go in the same confessional.

696

I think you can when

you're married though.

697

Yeah.

698

We've never done that.

699

Um.

700

Another practical.

701

Another practical.

702

Okay.

703

For these practicals, I just want

you to hear me out here because when

704

we first started dating, we thought

we were just like totally strong

705

and invincible and we were like, Oh

yeah, like we're going to be great.

706

To be fair, this was our first

relationship where we were both

707

committed Catholics that actually

wanted to be chased in our relationship

708

and strive to save sex for marriage.

709

And so it was.

710

Very encouraging.

711

And it is very hard if you, if

your significant other does not

712

have the desire to wait till

marriage, it's very, very hard.

713

Um, but,

714

but we still struggled at times and

there were times where we actually

715

had to set certain boundaries that at

first I thought were like, We were too

716

good for, you know, that we're stupid

and that we're just like, dumb, you

717

know, like, why are we doing this?

718

And they actually were very

effective and helped very much.

719

And so I just want you to hear this when

we say them, like, they're not stupid.

720

If you need to do them, it's not dumb.

721

Like they do work and you should do them.

722

And there's our dog.

723

Bodhi.

724

He just wants to get under the couch.

725

Down, Bodhi!

726

Of those would be to set a curfew.

727

Um, I think we had a curfew of

like 10pm or something like that.

728

And An open door policy of like, we

could hang out with my room in my room

729

if the door was open or like we had to

be hanging out downstairs in the living

730

room and you had to leave by 10 p.

731

m.

732

or like I had to leave your house by 10 p.

733

m.

734

The door open policy is great

when you have roommates.

735

The door open policy was on, is

honestly my number one recommendation.

736

If you live by yourself, it kind

of defeats the purpose, but true.

737

If you live by yourself, just

don't go in the bedroom, honestly.

738

Yeah.

739

But if you live with roommates, door open

policy is a great policy for any room.

740

And then the curfew, I

know it feels stupid.

741

You're like, I'm totally old

enough not to have a curfew, but

742

it just gets harder after 10 PM.

743

And honestly, for the guy, it sucks.

744

Cause you always have to leave

super late and you're exhausted.

745

And another one that I've heard is

two feet on the ground at all times.

746

If you don't have two feet on the ground.

747

We have not done that.

748

Risky things will happen..

749

Okay, I'll take the next one.

750

Yeah.

751

How to encourage your husband to lead

the family, especially in regards

752

You just asked yourself a question.

753

How do you do it, Mari?

754

I want to also hear from you.

755

I will, I will share but, you start.

756

Of like how you feel most encouraged.

757

Yeah.

758

Um, I would say that I hear this

question and desire a lot from women,

759

um, wanting their husbands to lead.

760

And, I feel like what I've learned

over the years is that women are a

761

little bit more naturally or more

easily like spiritually inclined.

762

And I think that's just

because we're more emotional.

763

That doesn't mean that like we

have to be the ones to lead.

764

And actually, the man is the

one who is more inclined to

765

like lead with authority.

766

And to have that like natural authority

in his family, as well as spiritually,

767

like it is spiritually true that a husband

has authority over his wife and his home,

768

which is why it's so powerful when a

husband prays over his wife and children

769

and blesses his wife and children.

770

But one thing that I have learned

and noticed, and in, in certain

771

times when I feel like I desire

this, try to hone in on is.

772

to encourage more than

to, like, criticize.

773

And I think that that's something

that's hard for me sometimes because

774

I'm a very, very hard on myself.

775

And so sometimes it comes off

like being hard on you or like

776

being hard on people around me.

777

And it truly just comes from

like a desire to like be better,

778

you know, and to like grow.

779

But we as wives have the power

to break our husbands down

780

or build our husbands up.

781

And so in times when you desire

your husband to lead more or to grow

782

in an area or whatever, you it's

almost like a, you have to really

783

stop and think like, okay, how.

784

actually can I shift my mindset and not

see the ways that he's falling, the ways

785

that he, that I wish he was doing better,

but like, what is he doing well now?

786

How can I build him up and use

words of encouragement to like

787

nudge in the area of leadership?

788

Um, without just like a constant, like

you should be doing this, you should be

789

doing this, you should be doing this.

790

Yeah.

791

I mean, that's exactly

what I was going to say.

792

Okay.

793

Is.

794

Error on the side of building

up as opposed to tearing down.

795

Like what specifically though do

you feel like you could say or do?

796

Because I know also like there's cases

too where like maybe like you're praising

797

all the things your husband's doing

well, but like if they're literally

798

not leading in the faith at all.

799

Right.

800

You have to bring it up.

801

Yeah.

802

Like, like what do you say?

803

There's obviously going to be times where

you can like ask, like, Hey husband, I

804

would feel a great line would be like, I

would feel really loved if you did this.

805

Because that, that sound that's

received way better than saying, Hey,

806

you need to be doing this better,

or you need to be doing this more.

807

Like, then it's something that like,

Oh my gosh, I'm failing at that.

808

I'm not good enough at that.

809

I need to be better at that.

810

Like, I feel like men are being told all

the time through their jobs and throughout

811

their day and from their wives and

their kids, like all the stuff that they

812

need to do or need to be doing better.

813

And so that's really exhausting.

814

And so, um, if you say, if you just

frame the, uh, Questioner, like the,

815

the desire as like, Hey, this would,

I would feel really loved if you did

816

this or like, this would mean a lot

to me if you prayed with me every

817

morning or prayed with me this day.

818

Or you, if you went to

mass with me this day.

819

Yeah.

820

Or if you like initiated prayer

yourself instead of me always being

821

the one that's like, Oh my gosh.

822

Cause like men want to

rise to the challenge.

823

Like they want to love their wife,

but they are going to be less

824

motivated to do that if their wife is.

825

Just their biggest critic.

826

Yeah, I would say to something that

just came to mind is men want to rise

827

to the challenge Some might feel an

intimidation to lead in the faith.

828

Some might feel like I don't know how

to lead in the faith I don't know what

829

to do in prayer, you know, like some

may not have had a Good formation or

830

enough experience in their own prayer

life to really lead their family and

831

their wives So maybe even suggesting

like doing something together is a

832

great start before you You Expect your

husband to be the one initiating, uh,

833

faith prayer formation or whatever it is.

834

So just be like, Hey, I would

love for us to have some time to

835

connect in our faith together.

836

Like what if we read a

spiritual book together?

837

Or what if we read a book of the

Bible or whatever together someplace

838

where you're like, Actively learning.

839

And I feel like as you learn more,

you gain more confidence and then,

840

or have practiced at once, then the

husband can gain more confidence

841

to them, like initiate next time.

842

Yeah.

843

Then the other thing too, is recognize

when he does lead and notice that

844

like one, notice it enough to.

845

Respond and respond generously

and not be like, Oh, I'm tired.

846

Or, Oh, I don't want to.

847

Or, Oh, I'm busy.

848

Or, Oh, I, the kids need me.

849

Or, Oh, I have this work to do.

850

Like, like if you were desiring him to

lead, and if he, if he steps out and

851

courage, like try to do this thing that

he's not comfortable with, or doesn't

852

have experience with, or is scared of,

or what have you, like, if he steps

853

out and tries to do this and then it

gets just shot down by you, because.

854

You're too busy or you don't

want to, you're too tired.

855

Like that's not going to be very

encouraging for him next time.

856

So one notice when he does that,

then you can respond generously,

857

but then to notice, because then

you can praise him and thank him.

858

And like, if, if you notice enough to

say thank you, like that meant a lot

859

to me, then the chances of the guy

doing it again will be much higher.

860

Yeah.

861

Last thing I'll say is try and find

a couple of friends or at least like

862

encourage him to find other men in

his life that are striving to be good

863

Catholic and Christian husbands as well.

864

That makes all the difference.

865

I feel like good men just are encouraged

by good men and are like challenged in the

866

best way to be better men by each other.

867

And so like when you're in community

with other guys and you just see them.

868

Like treating their wives beautifully

and leading their families in the faith.

869

You're just.

870

immediately like soaking that up

and you're encouraging each other.

871

Like, Oh my gosh, we

should all be doing this.

872

Okay.

873

How, how to handle wedding

night when it's your first time?

874

This is me almost, or

no, this is almost me.

875

I'm three weeks away from getting married.

876

Great.

877

I hope you're listening.

878

I love this question.

879

Trey's excited answer.

880

So I'm gonna let you go first.

881

Remove any sort of expectation or like

seeing from a movie or anything like,

882

anything like you thought you or you

imagined in your first time being or your,

883

your wedding night being like, just get

that out of your head and recognize that

884

it's It's just not going to be like that.

885

And that doesn't mean it's going to suck.

886

No, no, no, no, no.

887

It's going to be beautiful.

888

It's just not, it's just literally not

going to be what you saw on a screen one

889

day in the rom com movie that you love.

890

And I mean.

891

What else?

892

The house, what more, how deep

do you want to get into this?

893

I don't know how to handle wedding

night when it's your first time.

894

Um, I think

895

something I would suggest is like,

it's okay to talk about it before.

896

I think like, there's like a

prudent window of like when

897

you should, Talk about it.

898

How often you should talk about it.

899

Like maybe if you just started dating

or if you maybe just got engaged,

900

I don't know, like how detailed do

you want to get, but like, as you're

901

getting closer to the wedding, three

weeks, three weeks away, especially

902

like you can definitely talk about it.

903

I would encourage you.

904

Yes.

905

Like, please.

906

Yeah.

907

Definitely encourage you to talk about

it and talk about like, Hey, like, what

908

do you think it's going to be like?

909

Like, what are your expectations?

910

Like, what are you hoping for?

911

Like, are you nervous about anything?

912

Like, do you want to

talk through anything?

913

Because.

914

It's going to be new and if you can't

talk about it before you're doing

915

it, how are you going to be talking

about it while you're doing it?

916

Because especially when it's your first

time or first time together and like

917

you're learning and you're learning.

918

How to love the other person in this

new and exciting way, and that's going

919

to require a lot of communication

so that it's done actually lovingly.

920

Yeah.

921

Uh, another thing I would add is just

relax and leave time to yourself.

922

To like unwind together.

923

One thing I didn't realize for

like the wedding day was that

924

I was going to be so exhausted.

925

I had never heard a bride say how

exhausted she was at the end of the day,

926

and it doesn't mean it wasn't a good day.

927

It was a great day, but

truthfully by 7 30 p.

928

m.

929

I went up to train.

930

I was like, Hey, when

do we get to go home?

931

You know, and I loved my

wedding like party, but.

932

You're pretty tired at the end of the day

and it can be a lot like physically and

933

emotionally I think like there's a lot

of like nerves and tension from the day.

934

That's like being released like

your body is like Unwinding and

935

then it's like this big moment.

936

You've been waiting for so like she

said remove expectations But then

937

take time don't rush like unwind

like again, it's not like It doesn't

938

have to be like the movies and it

probably won't be like the movies.

939

It doesn't mean like you walk

into your hotel room and you

940

rip each other's clothes off.

941

You know what I mean?

942

Like, like take a bath, like

take a shower, like, like

943

lie down together, talk.

944

Like we prayed before, like we like said a

prayer before and had a little bit of time

945

with God to like be with us in that time.

946

So it's okay to.

947

Just be in the moment and relax and,

and don't have this pressure of this,

948

like, super quick, passionate moment.

949

Yeah.

950

Yeah.

951

It's going to be not what you

expected, but it's going to be

952

beautiful and just talk through it.

953

Uh, just do your best to

love each other and yeah.

954

Um, last thing I'll say is coconut oil.

955

And, and that's all we're

going to say on that.

956

It's a good alternative.

957

It's a good, you know, I'm,

I'm all about clean living.

958

That's right.

959

Just don't get into the toxins.

960

Works wonders.

961

Oh, my mom isn't listening.

962

Uh, last one.

963

Make it count.

964

I feel like we need to do like two more.

965

Okay.

966

You choose one and I'll choose one.

967

It smells so good.

968

I can smell the pasta, the pasta sauce,

969

the ragu sauce smells like Italy.

970

There we go.

971

If it's not too personal, struggles

learning and apply NFP methods.

972

I'm struggling right now.

973

That's really good.

974

Um, we have always tracked

my cycle with Creighton.

975

That's one of the models that you can use.

976

Another popular one is Marquette.

977

I would say those are probably

the top two ones I hear about.

978

Or Symptothermal.

979

Yes, those are the three main.

980

Marquette is definitely, I feel like

a steeper, or sorry, not Marquette,

981

Creighton, the one that we do has a

little bit of a steeper learning curve.

982

Like it is, it's a little

bit more involved, a little

983

bit harder to get a grasp on.

984

But I mean, once you have,

it's not, it's not hard.

985

I mean like give it a couple

of weeks and you'll be fine.

986

We've been doing it ever

since like we were engaged.

987

So literally like.

988

Five years or something like that.

989

Yeah.

990

So we do that.

991

It's great.

992

We love it.

993

Um, I think it's super cool.

994

I found it fascinating.

995

Okay.

996

Yeah.

997

Why did you think it was fascinating?

998

I mean, guys are never taught

this stuff about women and it was

999

just cool to be like, oh my gosh.

00:49:57,644 --> 00:50:00,864

And I like know my wife

so much better now.

00:50:00,864 --> 00:50:04,674

I like understand a little bit

deeper, like what she's going

00:50:04,674 --> 00:50:06,444

through and how her body is.

00:50:07,144 --> 00:50:12,574

Responding to things and why, and

then how like that relationship

00:50:12,574 --> 00:50:16,644

between man and woman and like just

the intricacies and the way that God

00:50:16,664 --> 00:50:18,144

designed it all is really fascinating.

00:50:18,274 --> 00:50:18,694

Yeah.

00:50:19,404 --> 00:50:23,474

I would say since the question asks about

challenges, like the challenges we've

00:50:23,474 --> 00:50:26,584

faced with Creighton, I think like Trey

said, the learning curve at the very

00:50:26,584 --> 00:50:28,414

beginning, but that's only a few weeks.

00:50:28,994 --> 00:50:32,144

Um, and then.

00:50:33,274 --> 00:50:37,164

I think now like three years into

marriage, just keeping up with

00:50:37,164 --> 00:50:39,334

it, just like the daily thing.

00:50:39,384 --> 00:50:46,314

Um, natural family planning can

be used to both postpone pregnancy

00:50:46,314 --> 00:50:48,434

as well as achieve pregnancy.

00:50:48,464 --> 00:50:50,274

And so this is like a misconception.

00:50:50,274 --> 00:50:52,864

A lot of times people

hear, Oh, you do NFP.

00:50:52,864 --> 00:50:54,994

It means you're trying not to

have kids and that's not true.

00:50:55,004 --> 00:50:57,984

Like, we are actively

trying to have kids and.

00:50:58,254 --> 00:51:00,474

We are still considered using NFP.

00:51:00,814 --> 00:51:04,914

Um, and the reason why it's amazing

is because NFP and Creighton tells you

00:51:05,234 --> 00:51:06,964

exactly where you are in your cycle.

00:51:07,024 --> 00:51:11,244

Every single day, your body gives you

physical markers of where you're at in

00:51:11,244 --> 00:51:13,024

your cycle, what your hormones are doing.

00:51:13,444 --> 00:51:17,094

And so, you know, when you're fertile

and when you're not fertile and using

00:51:17,094 --> 00:51:20,294

that information, you can choose, are we

going to actively try and have a baby?

00:51:20,304 --> 00:51:22,684

Or are we going to try and wait

this month and not have a baby?

00:51:23,104 --> 00:51:28,034

Um, I think we face some, you know,

there's like always some hardship,

00:51:28,034 --> 00:51:31,004

like If there's ever months where

you're not trying to have a baby,

00:51:31,004 --> 00:51:34,944

like the first few months of our

marriage, we were postponing pregnancy.

00:51:35,454 --> 00:51:40,974

And that's a challenge too, because

you, like when you postpone pregnancy,

00:51:40,974 --> 00:51:45,064

you're avoiding during the week of

the month where your hormones are

00:51:45,064 --> 00:51:49,034

like flaring up, like, yeah, yeah.

00:51:49,034 --> 00:51:51,954

Where your libido is like

the highest as a woman.

00:51:51,974 --> 00:51:57,844

And so to be avoiding that month or that

week is a little bit more challenging.

00:51:57,884 --> 00:52:00,969

Um, I would say two.

00:52:00,969 --> 00:52:05,569

I think, you know, when you are

in that stage of life where you're

00:52:05,569 --> 00:52:07,259

postponing pregnancy, it is.

00:52:08,229 --> 00:52:14,549

It's challenging because the guys are

always ready to go most part and the

00:52:14,549 --> 00:52:20,279

women, they have a much higher sex drive

during the time when they're ovulating.

00:52:21,029 --> 00:52:25,099

And so, and other than that, it's

like, you got to work to get there.

00:52:25,189 --> 00:52:25,469

Yeah.

00:52:25,469 --> 00:52:27,259

Like they might not want that.

00:52:27,269 --> 00:52:33,139

There's like, just not going to feel

as inclined and like desirous of it.

00:52:33,699 --> 00:52:37,219

The other times of the month when you

actually are like able to have sex, if

00:52:37,219 --> 00:52:39,379

you're avoiding that ovulation phase.

00:52:39,379 --> 00:52:39,719

Yeah.

00:52:40,919 --> 00:52:46,199

So I think instead of letting that,

like, build a resentment or tension

00:52:46,199 --> 00:52:49,289

in the marriage where the guy's like,

oh my gosh, like, she never wants

00:52:49,289 --> 00:52:51,379

to have sex with me or like, or the.

00:52:52,204 --> 00:52:52,434

Yeah.

00:52:52,434 --> 00:52:54,274

You're just like, if you guys aren't

coming together in that way, because

00:52:54,274 --> 00:52:56,474

it's so important, like, I think

you just need to talk about it.

00:52:56,514 --> 00:53:05,474

And then that's on the guy then also to

be mindful of when his spouse is not in

00:53:05,804 --> 00:53:11,164

the ovulation phase and do a lot more

work building up, not just like in bed,

00:53:11,164 --> 00:53:13,604

but like the hours, the day leading up.

00:53:14,009 --> 00:53:15,639

To like romance.

00:53:15,639 --> 00:53:17,719

Yeah, romance.

00:53:17,799 --> 00:53:19,409

And build that up.

00:53:20,139 --> 00:53:20,759

In different ways.

00:53:22,639 --> 00:53:27,959

So, one thing I've heard too is also

just those times of waiting take

00:53:27,959 --> 00:53:29,209

you back to when you were dating.

00:53:29,249 --> 00:53:32,289

And when you were trying to be chaste

and not have sex before you were married.

00:53:32,824 --> 00:53:34,624

How did you try and love each other then?

00:53:34,674 --> 00:53:37,964

And kind of go back to finding

different ways to love each other.

00:53:37,964 --> 00:53:41,584

That's not physically writing

letters, going on a date, doing

00:53:41,584 --> 00:53:45,024

an activity together, you know,

just hugging, like whatever it is.

00:53:45,024 --> 00:53:50,584

And I would say, I mean,

ultimately like pick a method.

00:53:51,084 --> 00:53:55,694

Yeah, if you're struggling, continue to

keep trying to learn it, but like pick

00:53:55,744 --> 00:53:59,324

one method and stick to it and stick

to it, regardless of where you are.

00:53:59,324 --> 00:54:01,934

Like, it will come in

handy to track your cycle.

00:54:02,294 --> 00:54:02,574

Yeah.

00:54:02,584 --> 00:54:05,474

Whether you're trying to achieve,

postpone, or just learn more

00:54:05,474 --> 00:54:06,524

about your own woman's health.

00:54:06,544 --> 00:54:09,004

Like, it's going to be a

huge and I would be a ton of.

00:54:10,019 --> 00:54:16,399

And I would say like, encourage your

fiance if, cause this was a girl that

00:54:16,429 --> 00:54:20,439

asks, like encourage your fiance or your

spouse to be involved in the process.

00:54:21,049 --> 00:54:24,399

Um, there's a lot of guys who don't

get involved and it's just the girl who

00:54:24,399 --> 00:54:25,669

tracks everything and knows everything.

00:54:25,669 --> 00:54:29,439

But like Trey said it's been super

impactful and life changing for him to

00:54:29,439 --> 00:54:35,579

actually know all the ins and outs of the

intricacy of women's bodies and his wife.

00:54:36,929 --> 00:54:37,349

Okay.

00:54:37,349 --> 00:54:37,969

Last question.

00:54:39,784 --> 00:54:47,184

Last question is, how long have you

been trying heart hands, heart emoji.

00:54:47,714 --> 00:54:48,764

Thank you for the heart.

00:54:48,894 --> 00:54:49,944

Thank you for the love.

00:54:50,594 --> 00:54:54,844

Um, I'm assuming they're asking how

long we've been trying for baby.

00:54:55,804 --> 00:55:01,034

And that's been two and a half years,

a little bit over two and a half years.

00:55:01,534 --> 00:55:07,764

Like we just talked about, we

didn't, uh, actively try for a baby.

00:55:07,764 --> 00:55:14,034

We were, Avoiding pregnancy for a few

months and then we started trying, uh,

00:55:14,044 --> 00:55:19,364

about nine months into, into marriage or

like eight months or something like that.

00:55:21,414 --> 00:55:25,624

So do you want to just like touch a little

bit on like what it's like right now?

00:55:26,844 --> 00:55:27,314

Yeah.

00:55:27,634 --> 00:55:31,554

There was a few questions on this so we

can just kind of do a quick overview.

00:55:31,914 --> 00:55:32,204

Yeah.

00:55:32,214 --> 00:55:33,604

I mean it's hard I think.

00:55:34,104 --> 00:55:35,604

It's

00:55:38,464 --> 00:55:44,194

very challenging and, you know, we go back

and forth between like questioning God

00:55:44,224 --> 00:55:47,324

and, you know, trying to figure out why.

00:55:47,494 --> 00:55:50,604

And then also just like, trying

to lean into him and we got him

00:55:50,604 --> 00:55:52,284

for strength and encouragement.

00:55:52,974 --> 00:55:57,544

Um, I mean, we're at this point right

now where we're just like, still trying

00:55:57,544 --> 00:56:01,374

to figure out why, like, we don't really

have a clear cut answer right now.

00:56:01,514 --> 00:56:03,514

Um, so that's also makes a little bit.

00:56:03,919 --> 00:56:09,099

More challenging because there's not

like a, we've had like a few things

00:56:09,099 --> 00:56:11,069

come up that we have like addressed.

00:56:11,129 --> 00:56:11,669

Yeah.

00:56:11,859 --> 00:56:16,859

Um, we don't really share the details

of like our medical journey or anything

00:56:16,859 --> 00:56:19,409

like that publicly, but there's been

a few things that have come out that

00:56:19,409 --> 00:56:23,189

we've addressed, but nothing that

has like Solved the problem, right?

00:56:23,799 --> 00:56:26,919

Um, We're working with

a really great doctor.

00:56:27,149 --> 00:56:33,229

We have a lot of hope Like Trey said,

it's it's really hard emotionally

00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:37,014

physically spiritually emotionally

Um, and in all aspects, it's the

00:56:37,014 --> 00:56:41,184

hardest thing I've ever done in my

entire life or ever gone through.

00:56:41,184 --> 00:56:47,384

I think you could maybe say

similarly, uh, harder for you than me.

00:56:47,384 --> 00:56:51,054

I mean, it's hard for me,

but it's definitely, it's a

00:56:51,054 --> 00:56:51,794

little bit different for you.

00:56:52,024 --> 00:56:52,424

Yeah.

00:56:52,884 --> 00:56:53,684

Yeah, for sure.

00:56:54,214 --> 00:57:02,364

Um, but as hard as it's been and

this is totally, I'm, I'm literally

00:57:02,374 --> 00:57:03,804

able to say this because of.

00:57:04,274 --> 00:57:07,834

The grace of God, because

it's, like I said, the biggest

00:57:07,834 --> 00:57:09,534

cross we've ever carried.

00:57:10,524 --> 00:57:14,464

There have been really beautiful

fruits that have come from it.

00:57:14,564 --> 00:57:19,064

And I think that's like, one of them

is just such a greater intimacy in

00:57:19,064 --> 00:57:22,354

our marriage, just like us being so.

00:57:22,724 --> 00:57:28,294

United through this and being our rock

for each other and like biggest support

00:57:28,294 --> 00:57:33,414

system, because this is something people

just don't understand until they're in it.

00:57:33,524 --> 00:57:34,854

And that's just the reality.

00:57:34,894 --> 00:57:39,854

I remember hearing about, you know,

infertility when we were engaged or

00:57:39,854 --> 00:57:43,464

married, and it was just a floating

word to me and it didn't mean anything.

00:57:43,494 --> 00:57:46,894

And I had no idea really

what that looked like.

00:57:46,894 --> 00:57:54,619

And even friends that are in it with

us or Walking alongside us, they have

00:57:54,629 --> 00:57:57,669

all the empathy and compassion in the

world, but nobody really understands

00:57:57,709 --> 00:57:59,649

like your spouse that's going through it.

00:57:59,659 --> 00:58:05,969

So it has been very uniting for each

other, as well as uniting with our

00:58:05,979 --> 00:58:08,289

relationship with God, or at least for me.

00:58:09,119 --> 00:58:14,659

And that's because I've gone

through trenches of questioning so

00:58:14,659 --> 00:58:17,299

much and being so mad at God that.

00:58:18,044 --> 00:58:21,984

He somehow brought me full circle,

you know, and has allowed me to

00:58:22,744 --> 00:58:27,444

experience all of the feelings and

emotions and has given me the grace.

00:58:27,444 --> 00:58:30,784

And mostly Trey has really

encouraged me no matter what I'm

00:58:30,784 --> 00:58:32,914

feeling to bring it to the Lord.

00:58:32,944 --> 00:58:38,234

Like if I'm super down or if I'm mad or

if I'm hopeful or excited or trusting,

00:58:38,284 --> 00:58:41,804

whatever it is that I'm feeling,

you encouraged me to go to the Lord.

00:58:41,824 --> 00:58:45,864

And that has radically changed

my relationship with the Lord in

00:58:45,864 --> 00:58:47,054

the past two and a half years.

00:58:47,324 --> 00:58:49,839

And I'm grateful for that.

00:58:49,839 --> 00:58:54,239

As weird as it is to say,

it's like, I'm grateful for

00:58:54,239 --> 00:58:55,479

my relationship with the Lord.

00:58:55,479 --> 00:58:58,549

And I wouldn't be here

if it wasn't for that.

00:58:58,669 --> 00:58:58,979

Yeah.

00:58:59,839 --> 00:59:00,069

Yeah.

00:59:00,069 --> 00:59:00,859

And there's.

00:59:01,884 --> 00:59:08,534

You know, we're never going to know why or

like when God's timing is, or that, yeah.

00:59:09,054 --> 00:59:10,554

And there's nothing that we can do.

00:59:10,554 --> 00:59:13,664

That's the big thing is like,

ultimately there's nothing that

00:59:13,664 --> 00:59:17,934

we can do to make the time now.

00:59:17,954 --> 00:59:19,634

Like it's God's time when it's God's time.

00:59:20,204 --> 00:59:24,704

Um, so just trying to adapt our will to.

00:59:25,199 --> 00:59:34,899

His will and to be radically surrender

us and like in this time of like, no

00:59:34,899 --> 00:59:39,739

kids, like just enjoying each other

and, and trying to find the way that

00:59:39,739 --> 00:59:43,399

God's calling us to live in this world

and serve him and serve the people

00:59:43,399 --> 00:59:48,119

around us and bring forth life to the

world and to our family and friends

00:59:48,349 --> 00:59:50,769

without, you know, a physical kid and.

00:59:51,244 --> 00:59:56,144

Um, yeah, so that's what we're just trying

to do is just, and that's been a gift too.

00:59:56,164 --> 00:59:57,534

It's been, it's been great.

00:59:57,614 --> 01:00:00,444

I mean, there's a lot of,

yeah, I know that once we.

01:00:00,989 --> 01:00:05,219

We're very confident the Lord is

going to make us parents one day.

01:00:05,219 --> 01:00:09,839

And I know once we have kids, it'll be

beautiful and we'll never want to go back.

01:00:09,859 --> 01:00:16,399

But at the same time, we cherish this

season so much of just us too, because

01:00:16,399 --> 01:00:21,809

we know it's fleeting in the grand scheme

of things and it's very, very special.

01:00:21,839 --> 01:00:22,339

And.

01:00:22,639 --> 01:00:26,039

You don't get a lot of time in

your marriage, just you two.

01:00:26,389 --> 01:00:31,209

And so we've just had some really fun,

beautiful, adventurous memories and

01:00:31,209 --> 01:00:34,499

experiences, a lot of travels, a lot

of fun things that we've done together.

01:00:34,909 --> 01:00:37,859

Um, just to kind of like, enjoy this time.

01:00:38,709 --> 01:00:38,729

Yeah.

01:00:38,739 --> 01:00:39,249

Absolutely.

01:00:40,449 --> 01:00:40,869

Well.

01:00:41,069 --> 01:00:45,379

To wrap it up on that heartfelt note,

we're now going to go eat our pasta.

01:00:45,399 --> 01:00:46,839

Yes, but we should do this again.

01:00:47,149 --> 01:00:47,979

We should do this again.

01:00:49,629 --> 01:00:49,739

Alrighty.

01:00:50,009 --> 01:00:50,779

See you next week.

01:00:50,879 --> 01:00:51,219

Ciao.

01:00:51,799 --> 01:00:52,269

Ciao.