Vanessa's journey is one of unwavering belief in oneself, overcoming obstacles, and achieving remarkable goals. You don't want to miss hearing how she turned her passion into a reality and created a truly inspiring fashion show experience.

Venessa Kaufman is the Founder of The F Word and many know her as @wetheclassy. During her eight years as an influencer, she found herself in the weeds of social media, tirelessly building a business under stifling platform control alongside creators expressing the same frustrations. It’s estimated that nearly 80% of creators and businesses are underserved by our current social media platforms. She got tired of demanding better so she decided to create better!

Her revolutionary platform is reshaping the idea of social media. If you're feeling drained from social media, this app will blow your mind and open up new possibilities for you. We all know the impact of social media on our mindset. Vanessa shares her invaluable tips on curating your social media feed and ensuring that you only consume content that uplifts and motivates you. Imagine having control over what you see, filling your online world with positivity and inspiration.

Seeking support is crucial, but Vanessa reminds us that no one knows your journey better than you. Discover the delicate balance between seeking guidance and trusting your own instincts. Surround yourself with a supportive network of like-minded individuals who believe in your potential and cheer you on.

This episode will ignite the fearless leader within you. Embrace the moments that shape your life and create a legacy your children can be proud of. Join the movement that is changing the game and making a significant difference in the world.

What you'll hear in this episode:

[2:00] Vanessa's background as an influencer and business owner.

[13:40] The importance of not letting other people put out your fire.

[20:30] What are some of the features of the F Word App?

[23:45] How to adjust what you’re digesting through social media.

[28:30] The balance of seeking support and knowing that no one really knows.

[33:50] The importance of having the right people around you.

[39:45] Sometimes you just have to go first.

[44:00] Vanessa talks about some of the things that have really stood out in her life.

[47:35] Do it because your kids deserve a mom to brag about.

[55:35] How you can be a part of changing the game.

[58:35] Why you need to be a part of this movement.

CONNECT WITH VANESSA

Follow Vanessa: @wetheclassy

Check out The F Word app: https://www.thefword.app/

Vanessa's book recommendation: Illogical: Saying Yes to a Life Without Limits

CONNECT WITH KELSEY

Follow Kelsey: @thisiskelseysmith

Follow Momma Has Goals: @mommahasgoals

Download the app for Apple or Android

Learn more at https://thisiskelseysmith.com/

Join our text list. Text "Goals" to (707) 347-0319

Speaker 1 0:00

Literally, to put it in the most simple way it's knowing in your gut, what is going to make you happy, and then believing the possibility of it. And that is just like continuously, like breathing life into that belief.

Kelsey Smith 0:15

Let's reimagine mom life together. Mama high schools is your hub for relatable support and helpful resources that help you fuel yourself alongside motherhood. Your identity is bigger than mom, in whatever your goals are, together, we're making them a reality. Know that people are so multifaceted. But yet sometimes we meet someone and we're like, oh, you know, I think we're really different. I don't know that we're gonna have a lot in common. And our guest today when I first met her, I was so inspired by her. I was like, You are beautiful. You are an amazing mom. I had seen some examples of that firsthand and how she handled things. I felt like she was such a smart person, such an amazing businesswoman, and just how she showed up in everything. I was like, Wow, I'm super inspired by you, and you're amazing. But I am so different than you. And come to find out now that we've got to know each other we have a lot of similarities. And that is one of my favorite things is when you truly see that while we're all different. There's so much overlap and people that you maybe wouldn't think so. And Vanessa Kaufman, our guest today is someone that has just truly inspired me and all those things I just said, as a mom as a wife, as a friend as a human as a business owner. She shows up and has the biggest heart. While being so smart and super just inspirational for women across the board. She cares for her children in a way that I continually am motivated and inspired by truly leading the way letting them step into the little humans that they are while guiding them with bumpers, but letting them be themselves. Vanessa Kaufman is the founder of the F word which we're going to dive into today, and many know her as be the classy. During her eight years as an influencer, she found herself in the weeds of social media tirelessly building a business under a stippling platform control alongside creators that were expressing the same frustrations. It's estimated that nearly 80% of creators and businesses are underserved by the current social media platforms. But as I got tired of demanding better and decided to create better herself when I tell you she's inspirational, I mean it when you see a problem, she creates it. Prior to her life on the forefront of social media. She earned a degree in interpersonal communications with a minor in sociology, and then spent 11 years in wealth management focused on Ipoh placement and option strategies. Vanessa and her husband of 15 years have a nine year old son and 11 year old daughter, and she says her happy place is at home with them around the firepit with good music flowing. I cannot wait for you to see Vanessa's heart it shine through in this episode as well as her knowledge. Let's dive in. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast, Vanessa, from every conversation I have with you. We talked about the first time we ever slept in a room together. And I was so intimidated by you. It was like, gosh, this woman is such a standout woman. She's such an amazing mom, we have so many differences. And what I've come to know throughout our friendship is we have so many differences in so many similarities. And there's so much that I look up to you for as a mom and as a human as a wife and as a friend. And thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 1 3:31

Oh my gosh, thank you. And thank you for that intro. I think I'm I'm blushing that was so kind. And I know we have so many similarities. In fact, like, you're an Aries and I'm a Sagittarius and we are fire signs and we are fiery about the things we believe in. And I just like love that about you. And I love how like forward you are conversations are the best. So I'm excited to like, share that with the world. Oh my gosh, yes. Well,

Kelsey Smith 3:56

let's start there. So using that fire, take us back. Take us back to where that fire first started, what your background was how you stepped into motherhood that brought you up to what you're doing today.

Speaker 1 4:08

and not letting other people put out your fire, like, from going from sitting underneath the stairs to feeling so alone. And then saying, Hey, I actually want to put on this fashion show and listening to that fire and having just one person reach out their hand and be there for you. I think that's what's so important. And that then put into social media. Similarly, right? There can be so much bad on social media, but there can be good when it's built correctly and done well. And we've seen that not hold up to the case, right? As we've gone through the different layers of social media, it hasn't been able to sustain what it needs without everyone else's needs of mental health and knowing that you do have community and someone is reaching out their hand. And you know, I similarly can totally resonate with just being like, gosh, like, I don't want to talk to anyone. Those people aren't nice, and I'm going to stay on my path and my fire and no one's getting it. And then how cool that you've been able to change and pivot because I think so often when someone does have that Oprah aha moment, they then feel like they can't change their mind that they can't change to something else. But maybe that's just actually part of your journey. It's not meant to be your end all be all because If you've never become a fashion blogger, it probably wouldn't have led you to see the problems in social media probably wouldn't have led you to be like, Hey, I have a big following. So I especially see this. So it's really magnified for me as a content creator. And now I see the problem and I want to fix it. So let's talk a little bit more about that this new venture that you're stepping into, talk to us about from the moment you had that Oprah moment to where you're at now, what has transpired for you really not just being like, oh, gosh, this is a problem. But saying, No, I'm going to do something about it.

Sure. Yeah. And that's the thing within I think the big pivot. As a entrepreneur, one of the things we have to get comfortable with is like the smaller pivots within your business, where you maintain your values, like you know what the end product, what you're trying to accomplish, because a lot of times that aha moment is connected to personal values. And what I learned is that my personal values are heavily connected to integrity, creativity, creating it, you're in your innate way, what is true to you, whether you are a photographer, a writer, a, like whatever makes you feel like you are, have that feminine energy actually. And then also connection, there was a Harvard study about how the number one contributor to human's happiness is their relationships in their life. And that's not just like, that's not just like husbands or boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever. It's, it's actual feeling this like connection to other humans, a social aspect to our life. And if social media provided that and supported the way we are as humans, how that how extremely powerful for the good that would be, I realized that social media right now is it started out with the purpose of connection with this, like one alleyway. But as it grew, and everything started to, they started to implement ways to create revenue. It created a wedge between people and the connection, it removed the connection for the purpose of revenue. And it doesn't have to be that way. Unfortunately, where we are now is, is it was like built backwards, almost. So keeping in mind that any business requires some level of revenue. How do we have that? But how does that work with the primary reason to be on social media is to digest and consume content that assists us in living our best life or assists us in who we are. So I mean, I had I went down all these these pathways. And what's interesting is it started, it's called the F word. And the reason it's called the F word is it's started for me as almost a media company. For women, that provides them with easy to reach content that empowers them. And the F's were feelings, fitness fashion, it just turns out that there's so many apps that like flights that we like, connect to funny, though, it was like, What's your favorite F word, and it was solely for women. But the more once I reached out and found a developer to kind of work through some things with me the user experience, we started to really question if it is a woman thing, because for women to feel supported, men are very much involved in that picture. And I, it's weird, but the thought that brought that to me was that my husband was hiring for his team at work. And he hired on a woman and he had a female team. And I was thinking like, of how organizations work and how we all support each other. And to if I, if I put this, like if I branched it out to everyone, how much more powerful that would be, how much more empowering it would be because it's not just a female problem. It's it's all people problem. It's social media. Consumer problem, right? So it started out just a company for women, it evolved and became for everyone. And we worked through user experience and user interface. Slowly we built it out. We did market research on each app on like, what's working and what isn't, what should be integrated and what can be thrown in the trash, quite frankly. So So we ended up building that part out. And after that looked at how much the build is, the build is quite a heavy lift building a social media platform is quite a heavy lift. So now I'm in the place of raising funds, and bringing in investors to move to the next phase of the build and getting it into people's hands, which is the most fun part. So, and thank goodness for

you for going through the journey, right? Because so often we may see a problem, and the solution is too much, it's too much work. And I know this has been a lot of work already for you. And, but it's necessary, it needs to happen. And you're not here to just, you know, have something that a couple people use, you're creating something to change the social media game and to change the world, not just for us, but like you said, the our partners or future generations everyone to come. And I love that you've opened it up because even with Mama has goals, you know, my husband and I talked about this all the time is you only fix half of the problem, then you can't really fix the whole problem, right? You really have to bring everyone together in some way in some form. And men need just as much if not more statistically speaking, mental health support than women do. And being able to create a platform that allows them to expand. And so let's talk about some of the features actually of the F word app and how I know you've put some really cool things into place that supports your mental health and what content you see, talk me through a couple of those things. First

of all, it's to give you a visualization, it kind of functions like a combination of Pinterest, and Instagram. And whoever can post they've been approved to post. So creators, community leads, business owners have to go through a vetting process a verification process to post and that keeps out spam accounts, fake identity accounts, content that is just that's distracting, not focused, not quality. It also gives accountability for the person that's posting because it's connected to who they are in their business as it we don't like to call them users, we call them explorers, because you know, they say is that the only two industries that call their customers users are social media and drugs. So we're like, you know, I have a it's explorers. Sometimes they say consumers, but the explorers are people who can use it in like a Pinterest capacity where they save can respond to content. And they also can be a part of groups where they can connect to other people who have the same interests as them. And a lot of what it would be as a creator starts a group or business can start a group and it can be segmented it can be like, these are our customers that, you know, buy this type of product, or these are part of our women's community that are working moms. And so they can tailor content they share with that group. And that group can connect amongst themselves. Within the app, there's something called the vibe check. And if you've been on Insight Timer, it's something similar to that where on the daily you can respond to kind of how you're feeling and why you're feeling that way. And you have two feeds, one's your discover. And your discovery feed is going to give you content that's fun based on your response to that vibe check. So if you're having a really bad day, you can be like I am bad. I'm sad. And I just want Funny Cat Funny stuff. And it will it will fill your your content with funny on the other side, your home feed is only what you have followed and it's so specific to you down to the fact that like you could follow me for my family stuff, but not my fashion. If if you're like I love Vanessa seeing Vanessa's kids, but I'm just like not really into our outfits. You can follow someone for one pillar value pillar of their content. So in that feed, you can filter in and out you can say like today I just want to see what you know, my my women, my mom community in Phoenix is doing the people I follow in the mom community, you can just choose that and see what they're doing. And the whole point is, is we are all in different places in our lives and algorithms can't really like they know a lot about you a lot enough to trigger you to keep you in apps. But for example if I'm like a runner, and I'm going to run the Boston Marathon. And I break my leg the week before. And I go into my Instagram. And all of a sudden, it's like I'm targeted with content like Nike running and all makers that are running the Boston Marathon. It's all my face, but like, what if my mental health is suffering? And I need to? Like, what if I just want to look up, book lists and heal? So being able to adjust what you're digesting through your social media is so important. Yeah,

I love that so much. And like we said, it's so important for generations, and that it's each day because I know a lot of people will say, Well, why wouldn't you just follow different accounts? Well, that doesn't work for day to day. And that doesn't work for the pillars that you're talking about as well. And even outside of the feeling high or low, or where something being triggering certain times, I just have an agenda to my content, right? I'm just trying to see something specific weather. You know, I just spoke at an event this last week. And I did go to a bunch of different influencer accounts, when I was trying to pick outfits. And I was like, I just want to see the outfit content, the ones with links, were the ones with links. And then that way, I could go and say this, I want to see their outfits. That's what I want to see. Right?

Exactly. It's such a good example. Like, what if we just want to find an outfit for our next event, and it's like you go to, so you go to Instagram or social media, and it's like so much information, it's hard to focus. And, you know, there is one element where, so, right now, our platforms, they measure their success based on how long you're stuck in the app. And there's a lot of things they do to keep people there, whether people are aware of it or not. And one of them is giving you like a dopamine hit every few posts, so you keep scrolling. So whether it's like something that triggers you or something, it's something that's going to raise emotion in and make your brain like Spark, every few posts. The other thing is the lack of focus. So when you can't focus, like it keeps you in there longer, but then it creates that feeling of when you close your social media app, and you're like, What the hell did I just do? And why do I feel more tired than when I opened it. And I think that, like we can, almost all of us can relate to that feeling. And the thing is, it's because for marketing, for them to create revenue, they need to be able to say like, this is how long people are going to be consuming. This is what they're going to be consuming. This is how we get ads in front of them. And their value is based on our attention span in the app. And I just thought, well, we also have a lot of people are saying, Okay, I gotta detox for a month, I gotta take this social media break. So if you're stuck in social media for like, five hours a day, 10 hours a day, but then you're not going to go back in the app for two months. What kind of success metric is that? And we've got meant that it's a mental health issue. So what if the app is focused, give people what they need, give them what they want, support their real life, best life. And then they're not in it as many hours a day, but don't need to take a break, then they're not disappearing for two months, and like, feeling down.

And because there's so much good that can come from social media. So when you take that social media break, you're also missing out on the good, you're missing out on the things that do light you up and do give you information and knowledge and community and all of that. Which community for yourself, like having community to build this? How important has that been to have people by your side to be like, hey, this, I've taken on quite the undertaking. I need my people, but also to kind of lead the way for you and give you you know, feedback and advice. But then on the flip side, I'd love for you to also talk about I'm sure that I don't last I'm unaware there's no one that's built something just like this before, right? You're the first so while you have people to guide and lead you you also are the Trailblazer so there's they can only give you so much support. So talk to me about kind of like that balance of seeking support and knowing that no one really knows,

right? I mean, that's a really good question. And like, I I want to backtrack a little bit to earlier you said like I took on a hard path. And it brings me back to that. So your your gut feeling versus logic. And often your gut is going to tell you like what your connects you to your values and give you a direction to take based on your values. And normally that's going to be the most successful route. It's also going to be the hardest route because logic will keep you safe. And unlike I can honestly say when I was started on this adventure, this journey, you know, honestly in full transparency, I had those thoughts where it was Like, I'm not Elon Musk, I am not Steve Jobs. I am a suburban mom. I like cute outfits. I like literally, I've been terrified of public speaking up until recently, and I've been working on that. But just knowing those things about myself and being like, this is not for logic was like, Yo, I see the numbers, I see the headlines, I see who you are, like you are a softy, and you love everyone and you think like, of all the good in the world, and it doesn't look like this is the space for you. You haven't been I've never been in coding, like it does logically does not add up. And I knew that and it really was heavy. And I don't know if like side no, definitely look into the Book, illogical by Emmanuel acho. It is so good. And he talks a lot about how to become the best version of yourself to be limitless and to give your gifts to the world. You must be illogical. And so in on that illogical track, I had to listen to that, like Oprah moment in my gut, and be like, okay, logic wants me to stay safe. Logic wants me scared, and wants me to hold me in a place of kind of fear, right? Your Guts gonna say, This is what's important to you. Like you, you need to do this. And it's going to take you down those unpaved roads. And you're gonna have moments where you're like, I definitely have moments where I'm like, I, I don't, I don't know if I can do this, this is really hard. But I can always tap back into my gut, I can always tap back into my why am I doing this my personal value system, because every step towards in that direction is a successful step. And so if I personally have those, like logic versus that struggles and have to move through them and have this faith on steroids in myself, then naturally some people are just not going to see that vision. And that's that. That's okay. It says you're on the right path. If everyone got it, then it would, you're probably like too late to be honest. And everyone thought was just like, or they're just like people pleasing, because it's okay for people not to get what you're doing because they, again, it's the illogical move that's allowing you to move into your like limitless version. No one's seen this version of you yet. You haven't I haven't even seen this version of me yet. So let's go like, let's find out who she is. Don't let anything hold you back. But my community, my husband, the women around me, you, my community around me has has been such a support system in those moments where I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I don't know. I don't know, like I don't. Because there are moments where you're like, I just don't know, like, I don't know what my next step, I'm not sure what to do in this specific situation. I'm learning, I'm being limitless, and having people next to you who are like, just keep going, you know, what you do know, like, tap into your gut, you do know, and we've got your back. And we believe in you. It's so I mean, it's so powerful. So, you know, I got off a call last week, and I was like, it was we were talking about the different avenues of funding. And everything seemed like such a big project to me for a second. And I just sat there and I kind of got a tear my husband's like, what's wrong, and I said, just, I don't know what my next steps gonna be at this very moment. And he just like, kiss me on the head. And he's like, that's okay. You're not quitting though. Keep going. And sometimes, that's all it takes. You just need someone to be like, but that's, it's alright, you're just this is one step in the right direction. So I just think having the right people around you is so important. Because people cannot understand you, that's fine. But if they take steps to plan in your head, that you're not good enough. Or if they take steps to communicate to you that they think you're gonna fail. The fact that they don't see that limitless version of you can be a cancer to your, to your like faith in yourself. And it's a lot harder to get back up. Sometimes when you have that in your head that like you can't, you need a lot more. Yes, you can see around you. We're not meant to see everyone's paths around us. But we see like people's hearts And we see like, who they are as human beings. And supporting that is, is huge. That enables people to really give their gifts. So that is my TED Talk.

So good, though because it is so good. Because it is so important to understand, like, Do I even have people in my world that are like, I don't really know what you're doing, but like, I'm excited for you. To be able to not everyone's going to understand not everyone's gonna get it not everyone's gonna be like, Oh, I'm ready to be your top investor, I'm gonna sign up and do this, but they're like, but I love you. And then you have other people that are not helpful that are not nice. And they're saying things like, well, you're gonna feel you can't do that your, that are speaking negativity into you. What are some pieces of advice to quiet those people and find more people that are supporting you? If they're not in your world? Yet? If for anyone that's listening, it's like, well, I don't have those people, I only have the loud, not nice people, what are some ways that you connect with good people?

Well, first of all, if you feel like, there's a lot of people, a lot of doubters, or a lot of people putting their limits on you, like just know that, like nothing is permanent, that we all kind of have experienced those seasons where it feels really lonely and like we don't feel seen or understood. And, and that too will pass. And just stay walking in your authenticity and like what is important to you stay connected to your gut and like your values, because it literally magnetizes the right people to you. But But more concretely, blocking is like fabulous way to remove those people they don't know. But if it's not if you're not waking up, and if you're or if you are waking up and seeing things from those people that are pulling you down, or making you feel like maybe you aren't your limitless version, or you can't, then that needs to go. And you can you can even I know it's it's I know it's a lot of gray, like relationships are all different. So you very much so can block people and still like see them occasionally, or block them on social media, but maybe only send an email or a text here and there, or you can block them completely, I have had to do that with family members where they are blocked on everything. Because, you know, they've reached out and said, I think you're gonna fail straight up. And so the I just can't have that in my life. And so that can't be showing up in my email first thing in the morning when I have big things to do. And, you know, people to love. And so that doesn't fill my cup. So I highly recommend 10 out of 10 blocking people in any way you need to. And then walking in your like realness, like letting people not understand you. It's okay if those people don't get you like, as 100% Okay, because you will find the people who who do get you and like you said, there's people out there who may not be your biggest investor or whatever that like financially but they will be the people or maybe they don't totally understand what you're building, but they will say I believe in you. I'm here for you. If you're having a rough day, let's get coffee or, you know, I'm clapping to that look like was such a win, make sure you celebrate tonight. And so I'm so grateful to have like people like you in my life, who are who are like that I had a bad day sent me. You sent me like a credit for Starbucks. It was absolutely like, I felt so hugged. You know, and I think that makes all the difference. So meeting people like that often is, is putting yourself in rooms in person until social media. I mean, social media is honestly can be a great way to find other people, but nothing replaces in person. Communication. So if you have a way of doing like a an event, like powerhouse women or I know you did an event mama has goals and our friend Christina Illume. In in Denver, there's just these great communities of women who who want to see like what happens when you succeed, not like if they're they're standing there like I see all the great things about you today and what you are growing into. Yeah,

the other thing you reminded me of is sometimes you just have to go first like it are you I always remind myself am I supporting the people that I want support from? And you know, I am so happy that that Coffee made you feel a hug. That's what I wanted to do. And it was a little gesture. But since I've had days, I've had hard days, and you've totally been there for me. Right? And not that you have such a big heart, not that you wouldn't have been if I hadn't done that. But it probably helps being like, hey, this girl, like actually cares about me. So I care about her too. So sometimes you have to go first, you know, and if you don't have the people in your circle that you feel like are lifting you up in that way. Like, think about who can you pour some love into in the meantime, so that they know that you care about them,

right? You really do open doors. When I started out doing this blog, I have a lot of people ask me like, Oh, how'd you grow, and Instagram was a little bit of a different place when I was growing. But it was one of the things I learned in interpersonal communications that I feel is so powerful in all parts of our lives. And it's the law of reciprocity. And it's that when you give, and when you connect outwards to people when you go first, like you said, people are drawn to do the same for you. And so when I started growing my Instagram, I mean, I literally just sat out other women and people who seem to have the same interest as me and I supported them. And they in turn supported me back. And that is honestly how that like snow snowball started rolling, but to your point that works in that works in business, so much. And in friendships, were just like taking that first step is so powerful.

And for people that feel like they can't block everyone, or they can't block the world, right? Sometimes the world is just really hard, like life is just really hard. It might not even be just like another person. I know they, you just shared something the other day that you say in the mornings. And so maybe you want to share that here. And if there's anything else that you do that just like allow you to kind of make sure that the world isn't bringing you down each day outside of really good positive content filtering on the F word app. What are some things that you do in your home?

So yeah, that's a good point. I, every morning I wake up and once again referencing Oprah here. I learned from her to wake up and say thank you. So every morning I wake up and I just I say thank you. That is literally my first thought every morning to start your day with this like gratitude. Like I get to live this day. And then the second thing is I put my hand on my heart and I say I love you. Because if you're starting your day from a place where you are loved without a doubt, you are loved without a doubt iron clad, so loved. Whatever you walk into that day, whatever hardships you walk into already loved. It's like one of those like, sounds on social media that's like, I don't care if you like me, because I like me. But you know, you have to start it or not you but like for me starting my day from that space is like so helpful. Because yeah, sometimes days are really hard. Sometimes it feels like the world is working against you. And I've done a lot of inner work to almost like reparent that child inside, where you have to almost let yourself no like, you let your inner child know, no matter what happens today, like I I love you no matter what. And I believe in you and you're safe. And I feel like that sounds very heavy in a way. But I think we need more of that. Just feeling loved and safe from minute one of your day. Other things I don't know, though. Well,

I heard your daughter speak. She was helping run mics for an event that we were both that last year, the powerhouse Women event. And someone had said something and she came back and she said, Well, you're only you can allow someone to make you feel the way they make you feel or something like that. And so you have ingrained so much of this into your kids, you've led by example. Like I said at the beginning, I truly think you're such an amazing mom. I've seen so many different ways of you navigating that that just time and time again. I'm like, oh my goodness, and you take notes every time I hear Vanessa talk about being a mom, what are some of the things that have really stood out for you that are there any practices? You know, I know from mindset and confidence all the way down to entrepreneurship and really helping your kids cultivate whatever they really want to do with no pressure if they do or don't. What are some of the things that you Really trying to come back to? Are there any like core values or pillars or activities that you do to really do that? Or is it just kind of situational,

partially situational. But something that sticks out to me is, I grew up in a house where like, perfection was a thing. So I felt, I felt like a failure a lot, because I wasn't like, perfect enough. And that gets ingrained almost in you. So I became this like people pleasing, like perfectionist that I had to really look at and address. And so sometimes, by default, if something isn't going, right, I tend to feel like I'm messing up. And what I've learned is, like, accepting that mess up as just part of the flow of life teaches our kids to, to accept, like the downs, in addition to that, and not to tie their self worth to it, not to feel like they're not enough, just because, you know, they didn't have a good baseball game, you know, or fast football game. And so, like that ties into, like actions, as a parent really do speak, louder than words. So like, also, following my dreams, and doing this app, no matter how difficult or much I can't see the entire path ahead of me. And figuring things out along the way and celebrating my small wins, teaches them to do exactly that to believe in their gut and feel their gut and be like, Okay, I know, this is for me, I don't have to have it all figured out. I can not be perfect, I can flow with it. And I can celebrate these small wins. And that will keep moving me forward. Because I truly think that's what life is for. Almost all of us is, is like trusting our gut, taking our steps each day. And to do that in a way where it feeds our soul. And we feel empowered to keep taking those steps versus closing up and being like, Oh, well, I wasn't good enough. So I really do practice, remembering that I don't have to be perfect. I just, you simply are a role model for your kids simply by being you. I love that.

I actually saw this post the other day on social media. And I think this is a perfect example of just kind of like what the F word will help create. And it said something like, do it because your kids deserve a mom to brag about. And I had really conflicting feelings about it. Like I had one side of me that was like, Yeah, do that. Because you know, show your kids lead your kids. And then the other side of me was like, well, your kids are gonna brag about you for just being you. But that's really the underlining thing, right? Are you being you allow your kids to just brag about you being you, but if you're not being you, then that is hard. And it doesn't mean that you have to hit some specific achievement or do something in particular, you don't have to do that to be bradworthy As a mom, but are you being you? And are you following your dreams and just leaving whatever that is for you. And I think this is exactly an example of you doing that. And obviously, so much of what we advocate for here at MAMA has goals, but you're just truly living in. I mean, I've seen your daughter's start living it out in so many different ways. And I think that's so, so exciting.

I always tell her, I'm just I'm the supporting character and her and her story and her movie. Like sometimes I just feel like I'm supporting actress. She's the main character. My kids are the main character really, I you know, I'm along for the ride. But I

mean, that's how it should be right? Each person should be the main character in their own journey and their own story. Yeah. And you're the supporting act in theirs, but they're the supporting act. And you are

absolutely I mean, I am like, I don't need to keep up bringing up the hard days. I feel like those are the teaching moments. And I had a hard day one day and I sat down on the couch and I kind of had a tear go down my face. And Blake was sitting next to me. He was like, what's wrong and I'm like to is just really hard. And he just, you know, he's nine and he looked at me, he just goes, he actually whispered, he goes, it's all kind of he goes, it's all going to be worth it. And I was like, Oh, you're right. So he's definitely there supporting actors in our story too. You know, they they feel you when you stay in your authenticity they see you and like you said, it's all it's bradworthy just by you taking your steps to be completely who you are because it allows them to be completely who they are and all of their different ways. And then there's moments that aren't brag worthy. And that's okay too, like accepting that too, like I have, I have plenty of moments that are not brag worthy, and that's okay. And that's part of life because I think we see social media and like every moment looks brag worthy, but that's like a facade, like, we are all living a life that has ups and downs and ins and outs, and we're flowing through it.

So before we end today, though, with that is, you know, I hear you talk a lot about trusting your gut and manifesting, right, so you can trust the your gut to take the next step. We talked a little bit about that. And we talked about taking action on your vision. But what are some of the ways that we can kind of normal life manifest in the sense of how you're teaching your kids like positive words like your words are when they become speaking positively of yourself, and also in creating what it is that you're creating and speaking that into existence? Talk a little bit about that, because from someone that was newer to kind of be ideation of manifesting your hopes and dreams, when I see you talk about your real life practice of what that looks like, to me is a little more digestible? Because it's like, no, I just like live in this energy. It's not like this big whole thing that I take on.

Right? Right. Absolutely. It's, it's literally, to put it the most simple way it's knowing in your gut, what is going to make you happy, and then believing the possibility of it. And that is just like continuously, like breathing life into that belief. And it's crazy. I have my vision board right here. I recently like printed it out, but it says like my on my, my, my computer, but my word for the year was limitless. And I told you guys that like, I'm so scared of public speaking. So I put this right here. It's like a girl speaking. And literally, like within a week of making this board for 2023, I had someone reach out and say, will you come speak at our retreat. And so I was like, app so freakin lately. But then I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm so scared. It's so it's, I mean, I worked through it. And that's a longer story. Because what happened was, I needed to address my personal limits, and what was making me fearful of those steps. But it is really powerful to visualize just like put together visualizations or, but the point is believing that's for you, just believing that the best is for you. That if it's in your mind, it's in there for a reason. And having reminders around you on your desk, like look around and be like, Okay, this, you know, I am attracting this. And I'd like to point out to, if you can brainstorm a little bit about your life, where you felt something was for you, and where it came true, maybe not on your timeline, maybe it looks a little different than what you thought, oh, I have a funny story. I was thinking about this recently. Last year on my vision board, so my, my dream, my whole life has been to be in vogue. Like, I don't know, it's just been always my dream. It was on my vision board. Last year, it's been my whole life. And a month ago, or a couple of weeks ago, I had to scrub the internet for pictures of myself because my identity was stolen. And so I wanted to see where my pictures were coming up on what websites. And lo and behold, someone took like a photographer for Getty or for Vogue, for Vogue. And for Harper's Bazaar, took pictures of me in a fashion week that I was not aware of. And I was in three countries of Vogue, and two countries of Harper's Bazaar online that I no idea ever happened. And that was like three years ago, and I'm like, okay, that's not not how I pictured it. Like I pictured, like, my glamorous Vogue shoe and like talking about the F word and like maybe that will be someday. But it happens. It's not how I thought it was gonna happen. It's not in the timeline, I thought it was gonna happen and it looked a little different, but But it happened. So I challenge you to think about like your life, and how you've known things are for you, or if certain things light you up and how those things show up in your life. Because if you can write those down, you can refer to them it's almost like a manifestation like a faith cheat sheet like faith in myself cheat sheet where you're like, Okay, I remember I know, I wanted to be in vogue. I was in vogue I wanted to public speaking I public spoke you know I these are the things I want for myself. How did they show up in my life? Because it gives you your logic some fuel to expand beyond fear. So yeah, that's So that's my, the gist of my mentality when it comes to also I'm a kinetic thinker, I walk and I, like I get ideas when I walk, and I move and I'm outside. So I highly suggest if you're feeling like stagnant, or if you're feeling like things aren't materializing, walk outside, best, you can connect with the elements, even if it's raining or like connect, outside walk, it creates like motion in a way, it's symbolic, almost of like, creating motion in your life and walking in the right direction, when you like, are able to do that.

And I like so much of what you said, of having that kind of a guide that you go back to because sometimes things happen. And we don't actually realize that we even hit our goal or dream because we didn't put it in front of us and measure it in that same way. So I think that that is so important. And I think also having things that aren't just about like you and just your dreams and goals. And I know this is so big for you, you and your family are a part of so many different communities, or just other people's dreams and how you can really make an impact beyond yourself. And that's truly what that's where it is to what you're creating is to make an impact. But what I also love about the F word is you're allowing people to be a part of it from the get go. And you're allowing them to really step in and say, Hey, you can be a part of changing the game for social media too, you can be a part of making this come to fruition and really being kind of a founding portion of this, talk a little bit about how they can do that.

So as a personal value, I really want to get away from like, the one big man benefiting from how things work on social media. And I'd like for it to be more of a community built by community because honestly, social media really is it is the sum of the people who are involved in on it. So what we did is we built out a crowdfunding initiative. And right now, anybody who funds the F word which could be, it could be $1, that can be like any amount, is a founding member of the F word, and will be a founding member of this platform, which is so much more about the people on it, and not the person overseeing it. And that is, I think what we need to get away from is like the one company or person overseeing our social interactions versus us being empowered within the app. So yes, we are crowdfunding. And it's so important, actually, like we are highly reliant on people. Not only funding, but sharing the mission and being a part of the mission. Social media is so social, it's about our connection, not just when the app is in your hands, but like beforehand, too, and building it on that, that vibe. So on the F word app, the websites f the F word dot app, there's a crowdfunding page on there, and you can crowd fund through there. There's levels too. So if you want to, you can, you can fund that as at $100, and be the first person one of the first people that gets the beta version. And there's a level above that too. But like I said, you can literally give $1 or 10 cents, it's more about bringing us all together and moving in the right direction. Yeah,

so definitely go be a part of that. There's literally no reason not to be a part in whatever you can put to be a part of it. Because I just think it's so cool, like being a part of something that is going to change the world. And not just for us, like you know, this whole community of mama high schools, it's not just about us, it's about the future generations. And if we don't come in and change social media, right now, there's nothing better that is going to make it better for our kids. And the mental health crisis is real, it's hard. I think that every person I've talked to within the last year, for sure, but even six months, every person I've talked to in the last six months knows someone that has, is severely struggling with their mental health or has taken their life. And we need to be a part of changing that. That can't be the reality. And having a better platform for people to consume better content, have a vibe check. All of that is so so so important. So I highly encourage you to be a part of this movement and take action with whatever you can. So again, just see the website one more time for us Vanessa and also be in the show notes.

It's that F word dot app. And you can also go to I mean, on Instagram, we have a page so it's the F word app on Instagram too if it makes it easier for you and the websites right there.

And where else can they can connect with you on Instagram and I I am with your cute outfits up on my outfit links.

And I'm with a classy and I share a little more about like fashion and my day to day on there. I haven't been sharing as much of my kids after my identity was stolen. So again, yes, we need the F word. Because that's a whole nother discussion on like these fake accounts cat fishing with your identity, and you don't even know about it. But yes, so I'm only the classy two. And I would love to connect with everyone. I am obviously very passionate about bringing people together just as you are. So I am so grateful to be a part of your community.

Well, thank you so much for being here, Vanessa. And we will definitely have to have you back for a part two and get an update. And maybe we'll do like a special mama has goals, effort investors episode. So make sure that you are within the crowdfunding effort so that you can be a part of that. Anything else you want to say before we get ready for part two?

No, I gotta start prepping. I'm going to prep for part two, um, gosh, not really, I am so grateful to have had this space to just speak my heart and show up authentically here. So I just always want to say like, Thank you for letting me be a part of your day and letting me be a part of like, the mama has goals communities day, because I just think like when we're able to do that, so many good things happen. So I really, really, really am grateful and I appreciate it. Of course,

I'm honored to have you here. And like I said, I just look up to you in so many ways. So thank you so much for being here. Until part to you your story and what you have to offer this world builds me up. I want to meet you join me on Instagram at this is Kelsey Smith. And let's create a ripple effect for mamas with goals together is better