Description:

A blistering takedown of Gen Alpha's iPad-powered childhood where toddlers know Alexa before mama, Silicon Valley oligarchs hoard their own kids from screens, and we're creating digital demigods with the social skills of constipated honey badgers.

Spice Index: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

Hits the parental guilt nerve we all share. Tech execs keeping their kids screen-free while hooking ours on digital crack? Classic! We know screens are our electronic nannies, but instead of teaching values, they're turning Junior into a glassy-eyed zombie who can swipe before walking. Parents will either nod guiltily or angrily defend themselves—on the very devices their kids are begging to have back.