Shownotes
Jenn Fredericks’ daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor and she Jenn had two kidney transplants. This is her story and she is RESILIENT A.F.
Buy the books: https://theglobalresilienceproject.com/books/
Be featured in RESILIENT A.F.: Skin Deep Stories: https://blairkaplan.kartra.com/page/tattoo
Be featured in RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol. 3: https://blairkaplan.kartra.com/page/RAF26
About the Guest:
Jenn has overcome immense adversity and emerged as a beacon of resilience and hope for others. Her experience as a patient with a life-threatening, chronic illness spanning three decades and caregiver for her daughter with a life-threatening diagnosis speaks volumes about her strength, determination, and compassion.
As a Personal Resilience Practitioner and Prosilience Coach, she guides her clients towards a new perspective on life. Her approach of cultivating self-awareness while honoring the struggles and triumphs in life builds a foundation to create renewed vitality, inner calm, and joy in life. The specific focus on patients with life-threatening, chronic illness and their caregivers highlights her deep understanding of the demanding, unique challenges faced by these individuals.
By empowering them to build proactive resilience, she enables them to move from uncertainty, fear and depletion to experiencing more ease and joy in life, fostering a greater sense of well-being.
Links:
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennfredericks/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/jfredwi/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/JennFredericksProsilienceCoach
Gift: You Can’t “Self-Care” Your Way Out of Caregiver Burnout https://subscribepage.io/BNH41A
⚠️ Content Note: Some episodes may contain themes that could be distressing. Please take care of yourself while listening, and don’t hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional if needed.
About the Hosts:
Blair Kaplan Venables is a British Columbia-based grief and resilience expert and coach, motivational speaker and the Founder of The Global Resilience Project. Her expertise has been featured on media platforms like Forbes, TEDx, CBC Radio, Entrepreneur, and Thrive Global. She is named the Top Grief and Resilience Expert of the Year 2024 by IAOTP. USA Today listed Blair as one of the top 10 conscious female leaders to watch and she empowers others to be resilient from stages around the world. 'MyStory,’ which is a television show available on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV+ and Google Play, showcases Blair's life story. She is the host of the Radical Resilience podcast and specializes in helping people strengthen their resilience muscle using scientifically proven methods and guides grieving high performers with her Navigating Grief Framework. The Global Resilience Project’s award-winning book series are international bestsellers, and her fourth book, RESILIENT A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol 2, will be published in January 2025. In her free time, you can find Blair writing, in nature, travelling the world and helping people to strengthen their resilience muscles.
Links:
https://theglobalresilienceproject.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/blairdkaplan
https://www.facebook.com/blair.kaplan
https://www.facebook.com/BlairKaplanCommunications
https://www.instagram.com/globalresiliencecommunity
https://www.instagram.com/blairfromblairland/
https://www.facebook.com/globalresiliencecommunity
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-global-resilience-project
Alana Kaplan is a compassionate mental health professional based in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. She works in the mental health field, and is a co-host of the Resilient A.F. podcast. Fueled by advocacy, Alana is known for standing up and speaking out for others. Passionate about de-stigmatizing and normalizing mental health, Alana brings her experience to The Global Resilience Project’s team, navigating the role one’s mental health plays in telling their story.
Engaging in self-care and growth keeps her going, and her love for reading, travel, and personal relationships helps foster that. When she’s not working, Alana can often be found on walks, working on a crossword puzzle, or playing with any animal she sees.
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Transcripts
Three decades and I had managed my, my health
Speaker:crises, you know, very well. I thought I had it all
Speaker:together. And it's different when it's
Speaker:someone that you love, you know, walking beside you
Speaker:and rather it just being you. And so I actually
Speaker:pretty much did the whole thing we hear about with resilience where you fall down.
Speaker:I fell down hard about a year after
Speaker:her diagnosis as she was trying to process the medical
Speaker:trauma, you know, with the emotional and behavioral
Speaker:changes that she was experiencing. And as an 8 year old,
Speaker:like she had three brain surgeries in a week.
Speaker:Like, what do you do? What do you do? We had great support.
Speaker:Child life specialists at the children's hospital would help support us,
Speaker:you know, mental health professionals, all of those things. But it wasn't
Speaker:quite enough or maybe it wasn't sinking in for me. And yeah, I
Speaker:hit it hard. Welcome back to another episode
Speaker:of Resilient AF with Blair and Alana. But hold the Atlanta.
Speaker:And we have Jen, Jen Fredericks, actually. And
Speaker:I am so excited to chat with her because she has overcome a lot.
Speaker:She's overcome immense adversity and has emerged as a beacon of
Speaker:resilience and hope for others. Her experience as a patient with a
Speaker:life threatening chronic illness spanning three decades and
Speaker:caregiver for her daughter with a life threatening diagnosis. I
Speaker:said threatening, but I meant threatening caregiver for her
Speaker:daughter with a life threatening diagnosis speaks volumes about her
Speaker:strength, determination and compassion. She's a personal resilience
Speaker:practitioner and get this, a pro ziliance coach.
Speaker:And I can't wait to dive into that because I didn't know about that until
Speaker:I met you. She guides her clients towards a new perspective on
Speaker:life. Her approach of cultivating self awareness while honoring the
Speaker:struggles and triumphs in life builds a foundation to create renewed
Speaker:vitality, inner calm and joy in life. I am
Speaker:so honored to have you here today, Jen. Hello. Thank you
Speaker:so much for having me. I am likewise just as honored, if not
Speaker:more to be speaking with you today. So. And what I love
Speaker:about the Internet, you're in Wisconsin. Yeah,
Speaker:I'm in British Columbia. Those places are very far apart. Very.
Speaker:We're both in sweaters because we're cold. Yes. Yes.
Speaker:You have a daughter who was diagnosed with a brain
Speaker:tumor. You have struggled with your own health stuff.
Speaker:We just talked about this offline, but I was like trying to do the math
Speaker:because you, you've had two kidney transplants, but you're on your fourth
Speaker:kidney. Let's, let's go down, let's go down the
Speaker:rabbit hole. Of your story. Let's go in into
Speaker:maybe let's start with you and your health and then we'll
Speaker:transition to your daughter. Cool. Yeah.
Speaker:It's so interesting to be sharing about it because
Speaker:it's just normal life to me
Speaker:and I'm very grateful that I'm able to use it now to
Speaker:support people. But when I was in middle school, I was
Speaker:just sickly, just tired all the
Speaker:time. I'd go from strep throat to mono to walking
Speaker:pneumonia to hibbity doo, whatever it was. And then
Speaker:as I got into my teen years, it just wouldn't go away. And
Speaker:doctors didn't really know what was going on. Finally was
Speaker:diagnosed with chronic kidney disease Due to
Speaker:nothing genetic, but apparently a
Speaker:case of strep throat ran rampant.
Speaker:Maybe I didn't know I had it and it wasn't treated or whatever. And it
Speaker:affected my kidneys. And so I lost both of my kidneys that I was born
Speaker:with. So they're the first two kidneys. Bye. Out the door. Yeah.
Speaker:And one kidney. Hi. From my dad
Speaker:when I was 16. He was my first donor. My dad.
Speaker:Yeah. I love that. So special daughter, father
Speaker:bonds, right? Yeah. And that
Speaker:kidney lasted me 18 years. So.
Speaker:So grateful for that. I got to do all of the quote unquote normal kid
Speaker:things and teenage things and young adult things in college and
Speaker:met my husband in school. We got married,
Speaker:got a house, had our jobs, decided to adopt a daughter
Speaker:because with a kidney transplant, I needed to adopt
Speaker:and I didn't want to put my life at risk or
Speaker:a child's life at risk with all the medications I'm still
Speaker:on. And then when she
Speaker:was 4, that kidney said
Speaker:bye, bye, bye.
Speaker:And it just had run its course.
Speaker:And I was very lucky that my
Speaker:husband's fraternal twin brother
Speaker:was my second donor. Yeah.
Speaker:And we're 12 years. Your husband couldn't be the donor.
Speaker:He couldn't. No. They're fraternal twins, so they have different blood types. And
Speaker:so his brother was a better match for me.
Speaker:So hi to my brother in law's kidney.
Speaker:Like, is it, you know you grew up with a twin brother and now like
Speaker:he's still here with us all the time. Oh my gosh. I love that.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're 12 years out from that transplant and it's treating me
Speaker:really well. Just had my recent labs, all the numbers are good.
Speaker:And yeah, My daughter was 4
Speaker:when I had that transplant. And it, you know, it was difficult,
Speaker:but having been through it before, I could kind of Prep her
Speaker:as well as my husband and great support system with friends. And
Speaker:my mom and dad flew up from. They live in Texas, so they flew up
Speaker:here to Wisconsin to help us out at that time. And
Speaker:everything was going along merrily, and my daughter
Speaker:then just was not doing real well. End of kindergarten into
Speaker:first grade, and turns out,
Speaker:yeah, brain tumor. Like, I literally.
Speaker:Literally. We were tracking headaches, all of those
Speaker:sorts of things. And I finally was getting her to the
Speaker:neurologist. My husband was out of town for work.
Speaker:She was so sick to her stomach that the neurologist said, well, you have to
Speaker:get her nausea under control so we can actually evaluate
Speaker:her. And I was like, why the do you think
Speaker:I'm here? That's why I'm here. But they sent us to
Speaker:finally get a CT scan. And I called my husband
Speaker:from the neurologist to the CT place, and I even said,
Speaker:like, I don't. It's like, not like I'm expecting a tumor.
Speaker:I'm pretty sure we'll. We'll get the all clear, and then we'll go
Speaker:and get her some migraine meds and then we'll go back to. It was a
Speaker:tumor. Yeah.
Speaker:And how is your daughter now?
Speaker:So she's doing well. She's 16. She
Speaker:lives with the tumor. It's not one that can be fully resected or taken
Speaker:out. So there are a lot of comorbidities and things that we
Speaker:manage a lot along with it. She's currently paused on treatment, so treatment right
Speaker:now is a watch and wait protocol with MRIs. And then should it start to
Speaker:change or cause her symptoms of any kind, then we would look at the next
Speaker:line of treatment. But she, you know,
Speaker:16, sophomore in high school, went to homecoming with
Speaker:friends this fall, and she is
Speaker:just the sweetest thing and
Speaker:has a gold heart. She always has.
Speaker:And it's. I don't know, always talk about the
Speaker:idea that we all were meant to be together,
Speaker:yet I. I couldn't bring her soul
Speaker:into the world. And so universe, God
Speaker:found a way to. To bring us together, and that was through
Speaker:adoption, so that she could help us learn
Speaker:and we could support her. And I could use my
Speaker:navigation of the medical system to not be a deer in the
Speaker:headlights right away at her diagnosis.
Speaker:She's just a joy that's really, really
Speaker:special. And, I mean, I can't imagine while you were navigating
Speaker:the health stuff and having your
Speaker:daughter have her brain tumor, like,
Speaker:how did you juggle all of that?
Speaker:Not as well as I thought I would. Actually, you
Speaker:know, three decades and I had managed my,
Speaker:my health crises, you know, very well. I thought I had it all
Speaker:together. And it's different when it's
Speaker:someone that you love, you know, walking
Speaker:beside you and rather it just being you. And so I
Speaker:actually pretty much did the whole thing we hear about
Speaker:with resilience, where you fall down. I fell
Speaker:down hard. About a year after her diagnosis
Speaker:as she was trying to process the medical trauma, you know, with
Speaker:the emotional and behavioral changes
Speaker:that she was experiencing. And as an 8 year old, like
Speaker:she had three brain surgeries in a week.
Speaker:Like, what do you do? What do you do? We had great support.
Speaker:Child life specialists at the children's hospital would help support us,
Speaker:you know, mental health professionals, all of those things. But it wasn't
Speaker:quite enough or maybe it wasn't sinking in for me. And yeah,
Speaker:I hit it hard. I hit it hard. And what did falling
Speaker:down look like? Because that looks different for everyone. And I
Speaker:think, like, I think, I think it'd be really good to maybe just talk about
Speaker:like, because you're trying to hold it all together and then you hit a bottom.
Speaker:What, what was that like? Like, how did you know that was your bottom? And,
Speaker:and how did you get out of it? Well, first I
Speaker:felt like this inside all the time, just like shaking and
Speaker:everything, moving all around and bumping into each other. And I couldn't
Speaker:quite do anything or stay focused.
Speaker:Um, it physically, the anxiety, you know, physically manifested.
Speaker:I couldn't eat without being in
Speaker:pain and fetal position on the bed. I dropped down to a
Speaker:hundred pounds. I was short tempered.
Speaker:I, I punched walls. I
Speaker:punched walls. Yeah. You had no. So you had a very short fuse.
Speaker:Short fuse, No. I had no idea about
Speaker:boundaries or awareness or energy
Speaker:absorption, none of those things. Until get this,
Speaker:I was laid off from my
Speaker:corporate and agency marketing career that I'd had for 16 years.
Speaker:And somewhere I got the cockamamie idea, hey,
Speaker:maybe I'll be a life coach. I had never been to a
Speaker:coaching session. I don't know where I heard about it,
Speaker:but it was one of those like, ah. And once I
Speaker:started that and also signed up for
Speaker:a mindfulness based stress reduction course because I had remembered during my
Speaker:second transplant I was starting to feel some of that anxiety because
Speaker:I had so much more riding on the transplant working
Speaker:out than I did when I was a teenager that I did do
Speaker:some medical meditations and guided imagery. And
Speaker:so I went down that, that route. MBSR
Speaker:life coach certification. I, I
Speaker:breathed for three months that like my first Three months of
Speaker:certification. Yeah, I was learning all of the stuff. But what I really took away
Speaker:from it was to get this. That jittery
Speaker:motion inside of me to slow down. I needed to
Speaker:breathe and learn to be present and learn
Speaker:to not be on the hamster wheel of life anymore
Speaker:and be able to align and ground with
Speaker:the present moment. And as soon as you did
Speaker:that, I mean, as someone who, like, hit a few rock
Speaker:bottoms of, like, not being able to manage it all, you know,
Speaker:as soon as you start putting attention on your mental health, your physical health,
Speaker:your nervous system, when you really start paying attention to
Speaker:healing it, and there's no overnight fix, but all these little things that you do
Speaker:together is what leads you to this place
Speaker:of bouncing forward, this place of resilience.
Speaker:And I think that's really great that you got that. Is that how you got
Speaker:into the world of pro zilians? Like, what's Brazilian? So let's talk. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker:So. So as I was going through general life coaching
Speaker:certification, and I contracted with the company for about seven years doing that,
Speaker:people kept asking and through all of my daughter, you know,
Speaker:setbacks, different protocols, all those sorts of things, how are
Speaker:you so resilient? I couldn't answer them.
Speaker:I didn't know. I couldn't, like, pinpoint it. I didn't
Speaker:know how I did it through my first transplant either.
Speaker:So I started to research it more. I kind of knew that's the route
Speaker:I wanted to take, but I really wanted to understand it. I researched resilience and
Speaker:compassion fatigue and compassion resilience. And in that research,
Speaker:I ran across a book called Prozilience, or
Speaker:Proactive Resilience, by an industrial and organizational
Speaker:psychologist named Linda Hoops. And she
Speaker:studied resilience for 30 years. And so I'm reading this book,
Speaker:it's like, holy crap. She's been following
Speaker:me around since I was 15 years old. Wow.
Speaker:It was like these four building
Speaker:blocks of resilience that she laid out in the book. The framework
Speaker:like this is. That's what I do. But I didn't have language
Speaker:for it, and I didn't have a way to say to
Speaker:people, this will work. And so
Speaker:I'm very grateful that I ran across that book and also
Speaker:her organization, Resilience alliance, that then also offers
Speaker:personal resilience training and also team synergy training to
Speaker:take this work into businesses and corporations. But I took that work
Speaker:and adapted it to support family caregivers
Speaker:and chronic illness patients. Because one I was
Speaker:like, patients need this. Yeah, we
Speaker:have wonderful support you know, in the professional sense,
Speaker:and sometimes yet it's not enough.
Speaker:Yeah. I mean, this is really important work. And
Speaker:a proactive approach to resilience is also extremely important because, like, we.
Speaker:We are all resilient. But do we have the tools we need or do. Are
Speaker:we aware that we can access the tools we need to be resilient?
Speaker:Right, right. And we can use life as our gym.
Speaker:The actual definition Linda uses is intentionally building your capability
Speaker:to deal with life's challenges before you encounter them. I
Speaker:love that. So that's just, like, what I talk about, which is how to strengthen
Speaker:your resilience muscle. Yeah. Like, the things you do. And I. I
Speaker:love that because,
Speaker:like, we're not born into this, like, magical
Speaker:kingdom where nothing bad happens. Like, we are all going to be faced with
Speaker:challenges and adversity. So what if
Speaker:someone works with you or me or someone who can help them
Speaker:with resilience or strengthening their resilience muscles? So when
Speaker:life does get hard and they have the tools they need, they have the
Speaker:strength they need. And, I mean, you've
Speaker:literally been through it. Like, you didn't wake up one day and be like,
Speaker:I'm gonna, you know, be this coach. Like, you went through
Speaker:it. You went through the ringer. Yeah. You know,
Speaker:it's still something that I'm working on to
Speaker:recognize that as enough
Speaker:to provide this service and to provide this expertise,
Speaker:because I, you know, I grew up. You. You
Speaker:study and you research and you earn a degree and you get
Speaker:a. You know, and that's how you earn the
Speaker:qualifications to be in
Speaker:a certain position or to have a certain job. And it's taken
Speaker:quite a few years for me to realize that's why it took so long for
Speaker:me to step away from general coaching and focus
Speaker:on this, because I'm like, but who am I?
Speaker:I don't have a psychology degree. I don't. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker:But I have three decades of lived wisdom and
Speaker:expertise and empathy and
Speaker:understanding that I can bring to the people that I work with.
Speaker:And every once in a while, I still have to remind myself of that.
Speaker:Yeah, well, you do. I think that's the thing is,
Speaker:yes, you can go to school and become a, you know, a psychologist
Speaker:or a doctor, whatever it is that you want to do. But there
Speaker:are so many different people and organizations out there
Speaker:with so many different needs. And what a coach offers
Speaker:is different than what a therapist offers, right?
Speaker:Yes, very much so. Yeah. And
Speaker:not only the training you have, but the
Speaker:life experience is what elevates what you do and
Speaker:separates you from everyone else. And I think
Speaker:it's really important work. So you just remember you're a badass and
Speaker:you're a badass and you definitely deserve to be right where you are
Speaker:with your, your husband, your brother in
Speaker:law's and you
Speaker:know I think, I think this is a good place to talk about.
Speaker:Um, you have gift for everyone. It's. You can't self care your way out of
Speaker:caregiver burnout. Tell us a bit about that. Right. So it
Speaker:actually focuses on my favorite pro
Speaker:zilience building block which is learning to
Speaker:manage your personal energy. One I
Speaker:just love energy. Like talk to me about energy work all day. I, I
Speaker:can feel energy, I go into a room, I can read energy.
Speaker:I. All of that kind of stuff. Very woo, very hippie. I love
Speaker:it. And this stuff is scientifically based.
Speaker:This talking about how it's a strategic
Speaker:resource. Energy is that we can
Speaker:protect and we can manage and we can build and we can
Speaker:replenish and it is needed to fuel our
Speaker:resilience muscle or in presilience we talk about
Speaker:resilience muscles so when we can
Speaker:focus on identifying our four
Speaker:personal energies, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual
Speaker:and how they support us, take a look at where we might be
Speaker:drained or depleted in those so that we're not being able to fuel our
Speaker:resilience. Plug that leak and
Speaker:then fill it back. We actually
Speaker:can access our resilience.
Speaker:So that's what this, this gift talks about. It talks a little bit
Speaker:about that. It gives you some ideas of how to recognize which
Speaker:energy might be depleted, some ways to plug a leak
Speaker:and then things that you can start to do to replenish so that you can
Speaker:have access and you know it's
Speaker:gonna fluctuate like yeah, we were just talking about
Speaker:the seasons, right? Yeah. So it's, it's a thing to be aware
Speaker:of and to just work it into your daily rout
Speaker:to have it be a part of your DNA. And so
Speaker:that's why I'm excited to share that idea and some of those
Speaker:tips with people. Yeah, I think that's really
Speaker:great. So you can get the gift in the show notes. Her social media links
Speaker:are there. You can dive into the world of Jen. She's absolutely
Speaker:amazing, super inspirational. She's also in our
Speaker:current book which is resilient af stories of
Speaker:resilience volume 2 most recently graced the billboard of Times
Speaker:Square and got a. I got, I got the pleasure of
Speaker:meeting her in person. I was like is this real life?
Speaker:Is this Real life, is it just fantasy?
Speaker:Fantasy. So you. You went through a lot
Speaker:of things, like, you know, your health
Speaker:stuff for three decades plus your daughters
Speaker:and everything in between. And I want you to share some
Speaker:advice for someone who's going through something similar, but maybe we can
Speaker:focus in on something or a piece of advice that's really resonating for you, maybe
Speaker:for that person who's hit the rock bottom.
Speaker:Yes. So one thing I want to say, and I also
Speaker:want to say it from recognition that
Speaker:people may not have the energy right now to understand it,
Speaker:but the idea that you don't have
Speaker:to wait for things to be better, to live
Speaker:better, sort of like, you know, we have
Speaker:choices in life despite our life circumstances.
Speaker:The choice is how we show up.
Speaker:I recognize, and I'm sure a lot of your
Speaker:listeners do, too, that this isn't a dress rehearsal. We have
Speaker:one go around at this. I've, like, I'm like a cat.
Speaker:I'm on, like, what, my
Speaker:life, who knows? I just really want
Speaker:people to be able to recognize that
Speaker:you can live better. Even when you've been dealt
Speaker:a hand. You can feel crappy for
Speaker:a while, but please don't stay there.
Speaker:Please, like, allow the suck. But then find. Find the little
Speaker:glimmers that can help you enjoy the life that we're here to
Speaker:live. Amen.
Speaker:I love that. Find the glimmers. That's the opposite of triggers. The little things that
Speaker:bring you joy. They're there. They are.
Speaker:Like when I was in the hospital with my daughter for a month
Speaker:after a partial tumor resection on New Year's Eve of 2020.
Speaker:It was a Coke at lunch. Like, that was my glimmer
Speaker:quenched, that thirst quenched. Yeah.
Speaker:You're such an inspiration, Jen. So thank you
Speaker:for taking the time to share part of your story with
Speaker:us today on our podcast.
Speaker:I. It was my pleasure. I'm so excited to have had this conversation.
Speaker:Yes. This is amazing. And thank you to everyone who tuned in for another
Speaker:episode of Resilient AF with Blair and Alana and Jen. But no, Alana, today.
Speaker:We come to your ears every Tuesday. Know that you
Speaker:don't have to go through life alone, especially the hard stuff. It's
Speaker:okay to not be okay. Pull yourself off that, off
Speaker:that floor. Look for those glimmers and know that we are that
Speaker:lighthouse in the storm. For you will hold your hand through the
Speaker:thick of it, through the thin of it, the good times and the bad, and
Speaker:just know that you are resilient. Af.
Speaker:Resilient.
