What Happens If We Shift Our Relationship To The New Year

Jennie Biltek: 00:17

Hey, it's your host Jennie with an I. E. And you are listening to this is Jennie Alexis, a podcast about getting curious and doing things differently. Every episode I share personal musings conversations and stories that I hope will invite you to explore ways to live outside the systems were taught, and often believe we need to fit into. For more information about today's episode, including show notes, be sure to visit this is Jennie alexis.com/podcast. I am so glad you're here. Now on to today's show. Hello, and welcome back to the podcast. I'm your host, Jennie Alexis. And today, I just want to get right to it. Because it's something that I've been thinking a lot about. And part of that thought process been realizing that over the last few years, my relationship to and the questions I'm asking about the new year really shifted my relationship with this time of year. And for me, that shift is actually created more ease, less pressure. And I think is, is actually in the long term been very helpful. So a few years ago, like a lot of folks, I slowly abandoned, I don't wanna say abandoned, but I put aside this idea of creating elaborate goals. And I know there's a whole school of thought around like, your goals need to be specific and measurable and attainable. And I know for many people, that is the case, I think it works really well, for athletes to have very specific goals. That's wonderful. As someone who used to be an athlete, I found that very helpful. But now, I think in this season of my life, and in this season of my business, I'm not interested in designing and creating super specific goals. I think there's value in having some benchmarks for say, that helped me understand the progress of my business. But what I want to get away from is the goal setting. So a few years ago, I think that was the stream I was on. I like many of you started to incorporate a word of the year. So last year, as I've shared on a previous episode, my word last year was self reference. And that was hugely, hugely impactful for me in 2022. I didn't set out any super specific goals at the beginning of the year, I simply made the decision to explore what it meant to be in reverence to myself. And it started slowly, and then my capacity for trust in myself. And my recognition of what I needed and desired became more obvious. And so then I was able to make decisions from there about the support I needed. And some of the things that I wanted to accomplish and how I was going to do those. And I mean, sure, you could say those are goals. But they were more so things that I really want to do this. So now I need to understand what are the things that I need to put in place so that I can experience those things. And that kind of takes me a little bit to this year. So earlier today, I was doing some goal setting in a business group. And as I was goal setting in a very loose way. Okay, so I've, I've explained for me that that shifted, but I was writing down some of the things that I'd really like to accomplish and experience in my business this year, and in my personal life. And I realized as I was writing some of these down that most of them, were just about making a decision to do it. And really acknowledging like what are the steps in order to do that? So one of the things that I was thinking about writing down and ultimately decided not to because I thought I actually don't even want to do that. But I was considering writing down like run a 10k I don't even like running so why would I include that. But nonetheless, I think I was writing that down so that I could have This thought, and maybe that was the only reason for it, right? So I realize, okay, so if I want to run a 10k, I just need to decide to run a 10k doesn't mean I put on my shoes right now go running outside, like, I'm not physically equipped to run a 10k at this moment. But I'm aware enough of running that I need to work up to that. So I would need to create a bit of a schedule, determine how many kilometers I need to run each day decide when I want to run the 10k? Is it in September? Or is it in the spring? So really, it's just about deciding to do the thing? And then taking a look at what are the steps that I need to take in order for me to have that experience to run the 10k in this case. So that was really helpful to have that realization that I can put down a certain benchmark about, you know, what I want to have happen in my business financially, what clients I want to be working with how many hours a week I want to be working, what are some of the projects that I want to explore, and some that I want to accomplish and complete this year. And there's value in looking at that. But really, it's about deciding, I'm going to do that. And now I'm going to take the time to sort of consider what are the steps for that. So yeah, that's a type of goal setting, for sure. But when I think about it, I think about the elements, not the steps, but the energy around accomplishing each of those steps. And I've kind of narrowed it down or put it into sort of three succinct, for me anyway, phrases that I'm going to really use as guides this year. And those are, consistency is more important than perfection process is more important than progress. And presence is more important than time. What I like about these three things, is that it disrupts for me, it disrupts the lies that come along with capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy, consistency is more important perfection, there's no way for me to be perfect. And if I believe that I need to be perfect before I can begin that I will never accomplish the things that I want to accomplish. So if instead, I say, I'm going to be consistent, and then I decide what consistency means for me, and I think, for each of us, consistency has to be a reflection of our energetic and physical capacity, time. How much time do we have available to work on particular projects, if you're an entrepreneur and you're doing that as something on the side while still working full time, then your relationship to time is going to be different than somebody who's working on their business full time. So understanding what consistency means for me, for some people, it might be I need to do this thing every day. For others, it may be a case of I need to dedicate this amount of time a week or a month. So that's the next exploration for me is exploring what does consistent mean for me. So the second phrase, process is more important than progress. Now, I can't take credit for this. This is 100%, my dad, and a number of years ago, I was struggling with a few aspects in my business. And he said to me, it is more important that you focus on the process that you have created. And that you repeat it over and over and over again. And that as you repeat that process, you get better at it. And that eventually over time, that process leads to some kind of progress. So I love this because again, it keeps me in a state of momentum. Somehow. It shifts me out of the expectation and assumption that we are led to believe we have to have that our worth is based on whatever how much money we make, what kind of housing we live in, what kind of relationship we're in, how involved we are in our community, how we dress, how we look, whatever those imaginary at the end of the day, not very important markers are that instead we find and explore a process in our work in our personal life. And that we focus on getting really good at that. When we think about how our ancestors likely were in the world is that so often there were people who had a trade a particular skill. And they honed that skill, and they were very, very good at it. And the more often the greater frequency and time to which they committed and were devoted to this skill, they became the best. So whether it was tanning leather, or forging steel, or building, or tending to horses, whatever it was, they became incredibly good at that, in time, they became known for that. So considering, how do I become the best at what I want to be doing and am doing is about practicing it, doing it over and over again, and learning how certain parts of it may not fit anymore, considering ways that I can get support or help to expand or develop my skill set to have a deeper, broader knowledge of certain things, and really focusing on that process. So the third phrase that I'm working with now is presence is more important than time. So one of the things that I struggle with, and I think many of us struggle with, if we're really honest, is I struggled to remain really focused for a long period of time on tasks, that's always been the case for me, unless I'm sort of in that zone of almost like a meditative zone, where you're doing something, and it comes in sort of this natural way that the thinking mind, the ego mind doesn't get too involved, we're just kind of in it, and we're doing the thing. And here it is. And we're just like in this moment. And I find that such a delightful state to be in. Those are often states in which I most feel like myself. And there are moments in which I'm really present to what I'm doing. I'm not allowing distractions to come in. Oftentimes, I'm following my intuition on something, almost always, I'm doing something, because it's something I want to do as opposed to something I think I should be doing. So I want more of that. In addition, we're told another one of the lies of dominant culture is that we have to dedicate a certain amount of time to things in order for them to have value to be proficient at them. And there's lots of people who have studied, like, if you dedicate an X number of hours to something, you will gain expertise. Okay, great. But if I'm not present in that time, then it doesn't really matter. Right. So when I think about, for instance, writing, if I am present to the experience of writing, if I create a container for myself, that allows me to be with the words, the ideas, the feelings, the characters that are coming through, I will probably elicit more from that, than if I were just to sit down and start writing, but have a whole series of things distracting me from that, we'll see, I could be wrong. I could be totally wrong, but I'm really interested in experiencing that. But I want to come back for a minute to this new year. Energy. I'm quite fascinated by it. Actually, I think it's there's so much mysticism and mythology and relationship to the natural cycles of the sun and the moon, and nature. And somehow we've managed as we do as humans in this time with these dominant systems, super oppressive systems. We've managed to take all of that and somehow push it through this machine to make it something that it isn't really at all. So it makes sense in a lot of ways, right? That this time period. And if we look at the celebrations of Lunar New Year, in many parts of the world, and then we look at this Slavic and other Eastern European countries that are celebrating New Year in the middle of January, and then those of us who are in other parts of the world celebrating New Year at the end of December, beginning of January. So it's kind of fascinating, right, like everything's at this time of year and I think there's value in being curious about that. I have to say I sure have found it helpful. Just to release the pressure around what it means to be in a new year, like the slate is not clean, I think we have this idea like the new year comes, the slate is clean, the slate is is not that clean. I don't even know what that means the slate is clean. But we're at the beginning of something, which means that something else has ended. So then the invitation there, I think is like, are we ending things? Well? And the answer is as as a culture, we are terrible, terrible at ending things. Well, we're not very good at grieving. We're not very good at acknowledging ourselves and what we've traversed and experienced and survived. We're always kind of ready to just like, get on with the new ignore the past, I just pretend it didn't happen. And I think that's why there is so much pressure. And I must say, like a muddiness around this time of year for folks, because we have not been taught. And we forgotten, because our way back ancestors knew how to do this. Nature knows how to do it. And we just returned like it doesn't happen. So are we ending things? Well, because in order to begin something new, I think we need to end things well. So for the last few years, I've really taken my foot off the gas around the new year, I've acknowledged it in some way, you know, done some energetic clearing of my home, tidy things away, acknowledging that there is in the collective, an energetic shift at this time of year. And I've also really tried to just put down the pressure around goal setting, and having it all figured out before the year ends before the year begins. And instead just really being present to what was hard in the previous year. What works really, really well, what I'm not interested in continuing forward with what I want more of. And that takes time. I think for most of us, that takes time, we can't integrate all of that in like a 24 or 48 hour period, it's important to acknowledge where we've come from, so that we have a sense of the direction that we want to continue moving in. So I found that helpful as such to not really think about, or write down any specific things, including my word of the year, until I'm clear that that feels good that that's actually what I need. And what I think happens when we do that, when we sort of put things down is that it does give our minds time to catch up to process information to integrate the rest, to integrate time with family. And then for the mind to say oh, yes, I think that feels quite good. I think that could work quite well. And will we root into experiences that acknowledge that we are human, that we are creators, and lovers that we are a part of nature, we automatically are doing things differently, then all of the shifting the shoulds that are around us, you should have goals, you should want to lose weight, you should want to be a better version of yourself. You should want to make more money, you should want a house, you should want to get married, you should want the white picket fence life, you should want to travel you should want to retire by 55 all those shoulds they lose a little bit of power over us. And in some cases, I think they lose a lot of power over us. And instead of playing into this game in which no human ever wins, only oppression wins, by the way. So instead of playing into this game, we end up designing something that is created for and by us. We stopped feeding this monster and I think instead begin to feed each other. I know for me that I am most valuable to myself, my business, my family, my friends, my community when I am myself because when I'm trying to be something or someone different and I have a lot of experience with that I'm know that many of you do as well. There are massive amounts of energy, emotional, spiritual, physical, mental energy that goes into the pretending. And actually, when we take all of that striving energy to become something that we are not, and shape it into the energy of being ourselves, there's actually more of it. Because it's, it's less work, it's less work. So I guess maybe my invitation to you this year is to really think about, as you come into this new year, period, as we are in that now, Lunar New Year is January 22. What are the practices, processes, things that you might want to explore, that will allow you to be more of yourself. And just a little caveat here, I understand and appreciate that for many people having very specific goals that they can measure, and that they can attain is really important to them, it works well. So if you're someone who's like, no, I need a goal, I need a very specific, measurable thing that I'm going to attain. Having that knowledge about yourself is super powerful. And for the rest of us, where setting those goals actually sets us up for failure. Maybe we don't have them this year, maybe we make a series of decisions about what it is we want to accomplish and what we want to create. Maybe we choose a word for the year, and explore what that means for us allow the universe God's Spirit the unseen to work, its magic, it spells through language, the thing is, is that if we really want things to be different in our life, and in the collective in our businesses, we have to be willing to be curious about doing things differently from the way that we've been told. And it doesn't mean that one way is right. And one way is wrong. It's really about understanding what works for me, what honors my humanity above anything else, what shifts me out of the restraints, some of which we put on ourselves, most of which we've been handed, but it's really about getting super curious, and really honest about the approaches that work best for us, especially at this time of year. And for some of us, that might mean not setting any goals, not choosing a word of the year, but simply being present to our own selves, tracking what is working for us what we love, what brings us joy and delight, what helps us to feel the way we want to feel. And maybe that's enough, maybe it's enough, maybe we just decide to just be to just be ourselves, to know our humanity to take note when we're feeding into patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy, dominant culture, and then gently, lovingly find a way to shift out of that. Because if you're here, what I know for sure, is this is that you are not interested in doing it the same way as everyone else, the same way you've been told over and over and over again, what I know for sure, is that you want things to work better in our culture, in our society, in our systems, in your business, and in your life. And I think it can be difficult. I know, it can be difficult for many of us, to go against the status quo, to catch ourselves in the assumptions and expectations that we and others have placed on us. It can be really hard, and really, really painful in the process of just being ourselves. So I kind of want to tie all this up a bit. And I think leave you with the invitation to give yourself permission to do it your way this year. And so if that means setting really specific goals, and when you do that you are so excited and so jazzed. Great, and if it means choosing a word, and then getting curious about how that word is going to make manifest. In your life, hooray. If it means doing nothing, and just acknowledging yourself for being here, having a business, not having a business, being a creative person, not being a creative person, just acknowledging yourself for who you are great, because no matter what happens in the next 12 months, 13 moon cycles, 365 days, however you measure time, we're all going to be a little bit different, we're a lot different, in some ways, we'll be older, will have had collective experiences will have had individual experiences, our relationships will have changed, our relationship to ourself might change. And so maybe that's the most important thing is acknowledging that you will be different over time. And maybe, maybe that's enough. Thank you so much for joining me. I would love to know, as always your thoughts on this conversation? What does this time of year bring up for you? What is your relationship to goal setting, having a word of the year? identifying how you want to feel? And have you found those things to be helpful or unhelpful? Is there something that you want to do differently this year? Because you want a different result? Maybe I would really love to know, you can leave a comment on my website, you can send me an email, you can send me a note on Instagram. All of that information is in the show notes. But I'm really curious to know how people are navigating the so called New Year. And if any of the things that were shared in today's conversation, have perhaps piqued your interest, had you asking some different questions and maybe taking a different approach. So reach out and let me know what you think about this episode about goal setting Word of the Year, New Year, all of that stuff. And I'll meet you back here very soon. Thanks again. Thanks for listening to this is Jennie Alexis, I hope you enjoyed what you heard on today's show. As always, it means the world to me when you share this content. So if there was something that got you thinking or made you curious, I'd love to know. Send me a note as this is Jenniealexis.com or over on Instagram at this is Jennie Alexis. If you enjoyed today's episode, another way you can show your appreciation is by leaving a review on iTunes. And if there's a person in your life who could benefit from this conversation, please share this episode with them. Thank you so much for being here. I can't wait to do it all again soon.

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