Transcripts
check 1 2 well hello there boyfriend
Speaker:how are you this fine day
Speaker:I'm really good is it working
Speaker:yes excellent
Speaker:let's not touch shit
Speaker:I'm afraid to ask but I have a great question
Speaker:I don't even know what I was gonna say
Speaker:I'm so disturbed right now
Speaker:so
Speaker:I think we just keep going
Speaker:are you cool with that fine
Speaker:because I don't think we can
Speaker:okay I did not know that was gonna play that
Speaker:are you being serious
Speaker:yeah and um
Speaker:we cut this part no
Speaker:there's a there's another one oh
Speaker:from the same number
Speaker:okay
Speaker:well bring it on Jamie
Speaker:I think we have to discuss this for real
Speaker:you do you think you don't think anything
Speaker:I'm doing anything do you
Speaker:okay cause I would like to hold on
Speaker:this is from the same person
Speaker:Erica
Speaker:what do you think about man
Speaker:it tells you he loves you every day
Speaker:but refuses to see you
Speaker:because he says his divorce is not final yet
Speaker:but then he found out that he's seen someone else
Speaker:behind your back and calling them his better half
Speaker:what's your opinion
Speaker:okay I think that message was before this one
Speaker:someone I've been talking to for over a year
Speaker:tells me that he's Jamie
Speaker:he tells me he loves me and he wants to marry me
Speaker:but then I see this one time
Speaker:that you're supposed to be his
Speaker:smarter half
Speaker:due to have a relationship
Speaker:um I'm gonna let you take the lead with this one
Speaker:alright so you know what's weird what
Speaker:this look so
Speaker:this makes me feel bad obviously
Speaker:and that sounds real
Speaker:it doesn't sound like a bit right
Speaker:so this is a problem that I run into
Speaker:unfortunately they're both anonymous
Speaker:so it's not like I could
Speaker:I could reply back to this person
Speaker:but maybe I could do like on Twitter
Speaker:but is that where it came from
Speaker:yeah it was Twitter
Speaker:it was speak pipe on Twitter or Twitter link
Speaker:now what's funny not funny is I um
Speaker:if I was married right now
Speaker:if you were
Speaker:I don't think there's any part of you that thinks
Speaker:I did anything wrong do you
Speaker:no I was just giving you a hard time
Speaker:so like if there if I there are
Speaker:I swear like my last relationship
Speaker:this is like a huge like who is that
Speaker:whatever I think you can already tell like
Speaker:oh something weird is happening right
Speaker:and so what happens is sometimes from the Gutfeld show
Speaker:there will be some like
Speaker:it's mostly kind of some older women
Speaker:and um I said that politely
Speaker:just like a little bit older than me
Speaker:I'm older than you I don't say I don't no shade
Speaker:I do get these messages that are a little bit like
Speaker:I told you that one of them right
Speaker:where I would did a joke on Gutfeld and I said
Speaker:I just don't want the punchline was
Speaker:I just don't wanna die alone
Speaker:it was something about
Speaker:would you date someone in a different political party
Speaker:I remember the joke
Speaker:maybe I can make you laugh on this one
Speaker:go 1 for four
Speaker:it said will someone from
Speaker:would you date someone from a different party
Speaker:you know and I said um
Speaker:I'm so desperate
Speaker:I would date someone from the Donner party
Speaker:oh boy
Speaker:I just wanna I just don't wanna die alone
Speaker:that's where those people that date each other
Speaker:on the airplane so that's a pretty good joke
Speaker:um
Speaker:in that night I got a bunch of messages from women
Speaker:they took it like
Speaker:kind of to heart that I said I don't wanna die alone
Speaker:and I was just joking I was single at the time
Speaker:but that wasn't a real concern of mine
Speaker:it was just a joke and then that weekend I had
Speaker:was performing at a theater opening for Rob Schneider
Speaker:and a woman came to the um
Speaker:show and they said this
Speaker:this woman has offered $300 to meet you
Speaker:to just say hi to you for like two minutes
Speaker:and I was like oh
Speaker:she doesn't need to give me any money
Speaker:I'll go say hi I don't need the money
Speaker:and I went out I talked to her
Speaker:and she said
Speaker:she heard me say that and thought maybe it was like
Speaker:a sign and she had driven there and got in a hotel
Speaker:room and thought we could stay together and then um
Speaker:I felt really bad I only charged her 2:50
Speaker:and um but no I felt bad and then me and her
Speaker:she still follows me sometimes
Speaker:and everything's like totally cool
Speaker:like I see her sometimes on the on the socials
Speaker:so I got like figured out
Speaker:but then what I'm getting at is I think there
Speaker:that might have been a bad example
Speaker:cause I think what I'm getting is there are fake
Speaker:me's out there like
Speaker:there are scammers that pretend to be me
Speaker:and then ask for money there's a lot of fake use
Speaker:I have to sometimes double check on social
Speaker:when I'm going on there if I'm trying to tag you
Speaker:fake you pops up before real you pops up
Speaker:and thank God I know the difference now
Speaker:but I have to be careful
Speaker:I had a lady at one of your shows
Speaker:ask me if your account was real on Facebook
Speaker:because she wrote something and didn't hear back
Speaker:and I was like oh
Speaker:well that's just because so many people follow him
Speaker:and she pulled up her phone was like
Speaker:is this the real one and are you real
Speaker:and I was like well I yeah
Speaker:yes ma'am I'm talking with you right
Speaker:she was super sweet yeah
Speaker:but she said that and it kind of caught me off guard
Speaker:and I was like oh yeah
Speaker:that's his right account I was looking at it
Speaker:I think people just don't know social media is so fake
Speaker:it's hard to come through what's real and what's not
Speaker:and then you say
Speaker:you're a divorced loser who doesn't get laid right
Speaker:well honey
Speaker:do you know that
Speaker:someone last weekend came up to me and said
Speaker:is that really you like on TV
Speaker:you say you're a divorced loser who never gets later
Speaker:is that like a character
Speaker:and I go sir if I could choose any character haha
Speaker:do you think
Speaker:those would be the attributes that I would select
Speaker:but yes I think part of this is my fault
Speaker:but these are these are fake accounts
Speaker:and I also think some of my like fans
Speaker:and I'm putting like my mom and stuff into this
Speaker:people that aren't like super familiar with technology
Speaker:something wrong with it would
Speaker:they just weren't exposed to when they were younger
Speaker:maybe they hear from me
Speaker:like a direct message and they go oh
Speaker:I'm saying this because we had
Speaker:I had one woman
Speaker:my manager called me once and said this
Speaker:this person started a relationship with somebody
Speaker:they sent like this person goes
Speaker:there's no way you're really Jamie
Speaker:they sent a license
Speaker:we had a copy of like a fake license
Speaker:and Alaska license with my picture
Speaker:and not the best photo job right
Speaker:what's it called Photoshop job
Speaker:but pretty legit
Speaker:and then he asked her for money and said he wanted to
Speaker:get married to her and now what really
Speaker:really upsets me about that is this is
Speaker:this is we've all been fucking lonely
Speaker:we've all been looking for something
Speaker:to get us out of a thing and honestly
Speaker:when I heard this at first I kind of thought oh
Speaker:this is a funny someone's doing a bit or like whatever
Speaker:and then when I heard that again at the end
Speaker:where she's almost like crying
Speaker:this woman
Speaker:this is a woman that's like legitimately hurting
Speaker:and think she's talking to me
Speaker:and I don't know what to do about it
Speaker:because I've posted about it
Speaker:I have social media people that go on these I
Speaker:I'm gonna go ahead and say
Speaker:I put these people that scam my
Speaker:my fans are any fans older people looking for love
Speaker:especially with a love element
Speaker:scum of the fucking earth
Speaker:I don't know what's worse than that
Speaker:I mean I put that up with like
Speaker:some of the worst shit you could possibly do
Speaker:like I wish I could get a hold of this one
Speaker:I'm sitting here trying to brainstorm like
Speaker:is there a way we could just go like yeah
Speaker:that's fake and send or something
Speaker:or maybe I can spend one night with her is how
Speaker:say how much social media like we see that in like oh
Speaker:that's fake that's fake that's fake yeah
Speaker:we all get duped to a certain extent
Speaker:I've been scammed by stuff or you know
Speaker:like it's almost like
Speaker:what's your threshold
Speaker:knowing that all social media has filters
Speaker:and fakeness to it what's real
Speaker:what's not and yeah
Speaker:when we first like announced that we were dating
Speaker:there were a lot of people that were like
Speaker:congratulations and of course
Speaker:there are few that were like
Speaker:yeah right right
Speaker:and there were a couple they're like
Speaker:does she even exist like
Speaker:is she a real person is that just like a thing
Speaker:yeah I ask myself that every day and I'm like
Speaker:there she is again right next to me
Speaker:I didn't call this like that
Speaker:I don't know social media is dangerous path
Speaker:I don't have anything funny to say about it
Speaker:I actually hate social media
Speaker:but I find it as a venue that you kind of
Speaker:can't live without sometimes
Speaker:and when you can live without it
Speaker:fucking awesome
Speaker:so I have a producer
Speaker:uh listening to our podcast
Speaker:and he says that he found this woman
Speaker:and so he says he found her on Twitter
Speaker:so I'm not gonna say her name
Speaker:but he's got a Twitter handle
Speaker:um and maybe
Speaker:I don't know that's probably a DM situation right
Speaker:I think the nicest thing is to reach out and say hey
Speaker:what account are you using
Speaker:cause this is the real one right
Speaker:and he wasn't talking to you
Speaker:and also it's
Speaker:I remember talking to David Spade about this
Speaker:I've been trying to find a way
Speaker:to work his name into this pocket somehow and drop it
Speaker:here it comes
Speaker:I was talking to David Spade about this and I said like
Speaker:what do you do about these fake accounts
Speaker:it gets overwhelming and I feel bad
Speaker:and he said I thought you were to say that
Speaker:you professed your love to David Spade
Speaker:and he said he would marry you back on social
Speaker:and then you found out it was a fake account
Speaker:and it crushed your spirits
Speaker:yeah it wasn't even him
Speaker:not even a cool yeah
Speaker:make sure it's verified yeah
Speaker:it was fucking Rob Schneider
Speaker:I'll tell you to be Davis fade
Speaker:um
Speaker:Schneider fucking with me
Speaker:he uh haha
Speaker:he said it's so many that you can't like
Speaker:it becomes like overwhelming
Speaker:and there's like not much you can do
Speaker:cause I used to go like if I see one I'll block it
Speaker:I'll even say that the people go like
Speaker:is this you and I go
Speaker:should you do me a favor
Speaker:could you block it and report it
Speaker:but it's become a full time job
Speaker:they pop up every day and um man
Speaker:I really feel bad did I tell you my mom
Speaker:who's a Catholic older woman
Speaker:with all friends of the same friend of hers
Speaker:was like I don't know how to tell you this
Speaker:but I've been talking to your son on Facebook
Speaker:my mom's friend
Speaker:were you flirting with your mom's friend on Facebook
Speaker:but not you
Speaker:I was not I was not fake Jamie is a puss hound
Speaker:excuse me fake Jamie
Speaker:I heard that part
Speaker:I don't need to hear that what's a puss hound
Speaker:someone that wants a lot of puss
Speaker:regardless of if there's a
Speaker:there's it has a gray a puss hound yeah
Speaker:fake Jamie's out there trying to get
Speaker:he's fucking that's way actually stop it
Speaker:you just made it even grosser
Speaker:he's not trying to get his duet
Speaker:he's trying to get his bank account fatter
Speaker:that's right that's right
Speaker:he's trying to get all up in that bank account
Speaker:you're right it's all about money
Speaker:so what I think I would like to do plushound
Speaker:have you ever never heard that phrase before
Speaker:you said my mom older women Catholic women puss hound
Speaker:yeah I did you did
Speaker:I don't know that I've ever said puss hound before well
Speaker:I've never heard it before
Speaker:and now I'm not gonna get rid of it
Speaker:I don't know if this clears things up
Speaker:but pussy short for pussy
Speaker:and I mean did you know that
Speaker:you knew that I'm sorry Erica okay
Speaker:I do wanna say something
Speaker:and I don't think this is that nice
Speaker:but I'm gonna say it okay
Speaker:the only part that weirds me out about the story
Speaker:about your mom's friend
Speaker:is that she came to her later and was like
Speaker:this is weird
Speaker:is this like
Speaker:somebody who legitimately thought she was going behind
Speaker:your mom's back and flirting with her son
Speaker:I I
Speaker:I didn't ask too many questions
Speaker:so that is gross but yeah
Speaker:I believe that's that's gross to me
Speaker:and I'd looked I took a look at her profile picture
Speaker:cause if she said like anything there
Speaker:you know no
Speaker:I meant like if you know
Speaker:it's weird that you're a lot older
Speaker:absolutely
Speaker:and then you like circumvent it and you're like
Speaker:ah and it
Speaker:and then you're like yeah
Speaker:should I have done this
Speaker:if you approach something that way
Speaker:you know the answer is no
Speaker:I agree with you but I think yeah and also
Speaker:I don't know how to say this delicately
Speaker:but there let me put it this way
Speaker:there are ways to find out if someone's real or not
Speaker:online and verification No. 1 Twitter
Speaker:maybe not but verify
Speaker:everybody's verified there should be
Speaker:that's what I'm saying though
Speaker:I am but all my social media
Speaker:a lot of famous people aren't
Speaker:so people who maybe aren't tech savvy
Speaker:would just see an account
Speaker:be like oh
Speaker:they wouldn't know to go look for like
Speaker:10 accounts with your name on it
Speaker:and look for the one that's verified
Speaker:if you go to my official account
Speaker:I am posthound you will find a verification
Speaker:how would they know it's your official site
Speaker:because it says I've been
Speaker:says my name and it has all my
Speaker:there's 10 that say your name
Speaker:but if you look it's got more posts
Speaker:it's been
Speaker:this is where I have to get a little bit deeper
Speaker:it's been it's been an account for 20 years
Speaker:you're saying it's my mom or my aunt
Speaker:I'm saying
Speaker:for people who don't understand tech that well
Speaker:it's very easy to fake them out
Speaker:yeah oh
Speaker:I feel for these people I don't think it's their fault
Speaker:and what I would like to do
Speaker:I was gonna ask you what you thought I should do
Speaker:but I was thinking stop saying puss hound reach out
Speaker:that's all you have to do
Speaker:do you think reach out
Speaker:is there a female version of plus songs
Speaker:or like a dick dog yeah
Speaker:I don't know TikTok is very good
Speaker:I for just
Speaker:I thought you're gonna go with like Cocker Doodle
Speaker:I like that right here's my question
Speaker:Doctor Pecker poodle yeah
Speaker:thanks fuck yeah
Speaker:I like that um
Speaker:we can't continue
Speaker:because we're both trying to think of dogs
Speaker:and dogs in our
Speaker:I was trying to think of like a like a Chef Bernard
Speaker:something like that furry fellas
Speaker:I'm too fucking tired to come up anymore
Speaker:but my question is
Speaker:I feel like I don't know what I can do
Speaker:but I would like Sharpay oh
Speaker:very good thank you
Speaker:very good I know it's not funny anymore
Speaker:but that's all I'm thinking about yeah
Speaker:I know it's fucking so annoying
Speaker:but can I be serious for one minute and um
Speaker:do you know when I was a kid I had addiction
Speaker:should have quit laws ahead
Speaker:do you think we could give this woman something like
Speaker:I don't know I mean
Speaker:I can't keep no
Speaker:no he think just cut it off and we
Speaker:we just clear it up
Speaker:we reach out to her on social media
Speaker:I think we uh
Speaker:we said it straight you and I are sarcastic
Speaker:and make fun of stuff all the time
Speaker:but I think when you see like a sensitive subject
Speaker:and you don't make fun of it
Speaker:that's the best thing that you can do
Speaker:don't make fun of these people you already defended
Speaker:you think I am no
Speaker:I feel like you've already done enough by defending her
Speaker:I give her a gift like a nice gift
Speaker:no you've already defended her
Speaker:and other people who get duped by asshole scammers
Speaker:scammers online and I think that's all you need to do
Speaker:I think you'd be a dick if you're like
Speaker:look at this loser who can't tell the difference
Speaker:those people are mean
Speaker:I don't feel like let's make fun of the mean people
Speaker:I think you did enough would you like to hear yeah
Speaker:the yeah great
Speaker:Jesus would like to the craziest catfish story ever
Speaker:but it's not from TV
Speaker:it's from like a personal friend of mine
Speaker:is it the personal friend
Speaker:you know you catfish someone
Speaker:have you ever catfish someone
Speaker:do you know there was
Speaker:a time that I love you so much
Speaker:that I got worried that when you showed up
Speaker:it wasn't gonna be you
Speaker:cause I thought you think I was a catfish
Speaker:I saw you you met me face to face
Speaker:the first time we ever met was face to face
Speaker:I'm not very smart I was still suspicious
Speaker:I thought
Speaker:what if somebody steps in has taken over your identity
Speaker:just like this this person seen me face to face
Speaker:but it's not really oh
Speaker:so on my like in my DMS
Speaker:maybe it was someone fake who was like
Speaker:I love you Jamie and you're like yeah
Speaker:the real girl yeah
Speaker:she wasn't there
Speaker:cause remember I would try to test you sometimes
Speaker:be like you look so sexy
Speaker:holding up today's app copy of the newspaper
Speaker:what's the date
Speaker:what do you look like
Speaker:there's a minute where I was worried
Speaker:are you being serious though
Speaker:no but you were worried you hold up a newspaper no
Speaker:no not that part
Speaker:but I mean are you being serious
Speaker:that you thought for one second I was fake
Speaker:I don't I'm having a vulnerability issue right now
Speaker:cause I know the guys are gonna be like
Speaker:God shut up Jake
Speaker:I thought hate that you're too good to be true oh
Speaker:and then there were some moments where I was like
Speaker:fuck is this I might be in fucking vanilla skied
Speaker:did I pay money for this future
Speaker:and it's just inserted in my brain
Speaker:and some crazy bitch drove me off of
Speaker:off a fucking bridge
Speaker:do you know that movie no
Speaker:this crazy drives him off a bridge yeah
Speaker:actually you just looked at me and said crazy bitch
Speaker:yeah then he wakes up and his life is amazing
Speaker:because he paid for some service
Speaker:that's like an implant in his brain
Speaker:for his life to be perfect
Speaker:that's kind of a roundabout romantic way to say
Speaker:sometimes I wonder if that happened okay
Speaker:but you quickly you know
Speaker:I Facetime with you and I that's what you do right
Speaker:you face not quickly
Speaker:not that quickly but this
Speaker:if this woman saying we're getting married
Speaker:insist that this motherfucker Facetime with you
Speaker:wow I mean that's extreme
Speaker:not facetiming yeah
Speaker:thinking you're getting married and not even like
Speaker:meeting the person yeah
Speaker:it's too bad but I feel really bad
Speaker:this is a true story
Speaker:a friend of mine was dating a girl
Speaker:and she was very attractive
Speaker:she was actually a model
Speaker:and she was a model for Victoria's Secret
Speaker:so
Speaker:she was an attractive girl by all objective standards
Speaker:and
Speaker:her mom went online in search of a man
Speaker:and her mom was as old as a mom of 30 years older
Speaker:and um was did not have the body of a model
Speaker:let's say the face of a model
Speaker:she was a mom and when she was fucking mean
Speaker:she was her I don't mean anything
Speaker:I don't know that did sound shitty
Speaker:I just mean she was like well
Speaker:you're a dad from now on when you have an insecurity
Speaker:like it's okay he's like that cause he's a dad
Speaker:that's a good excuse fucking sucks at life cause dad uh
Speaker:done in 15 seconds
Speaker:I'm a dad maybe we can Jamie
Speaker:so he's a Jamie
Speaker:this woman's uploading all her profile stuff right
Speaker:how old am I what do I like to do
Speaker:she's making a profile
Speaker:and then she's about to upload a picture
Speaker:and she thinks you know
Speaker:will probably work better my daughter's picture no
Speaker:she actually do that
Speaker:so she uploads her daughter's picture
Speaker:her daughter's a model yeah
Speaker:so she starts talking with is this real
Speaker:hundred percent real I
Speaker:we could talk to her
Speaker:I could call her right now and she'd answer who
Speaker:well the daughter the daughter
Speaker:my friend's girlfriend and um
Speaker:so they she meets a guy
Speaker:many guys are after her
Speaker:but one in particular she really really connects with
Speaker:right
Speaker:they talk for six months yeah
Speaker:they're saying it's time to meet
Speaker:it's time to meet but now keep in mind
Speaker:this woman did she also listen
Speaker:her age was accurate though age
Speaker:weight height of the daughter
Speaker:what statistics of the daughter with the picture
Speaker:why would you do that this is her mom
Speaker:no so the guy says
Speaker:I think it's time we meet
Speaker:now keep in mind she got a fake picture up
Speaker:fake profile yeah
Speaker:it's not her what does she say
Speaker:what excuse does she make up to not meet him
Speaker:I'm married it's a trick question
Speaker:she doesn't she goes
Speaker:come on over fuck that
Speaker:so this man was living in South Carolina
Speaker:and she was living in Florida
Speaker:and he said I'm gonna leave now
Speaker:it's like a whatever hour drive
Speaker:and I will see you in like
Speaker:you know whatever
Speaker:20 hours and she goes
Speaker:I'll see you then no
Speaker:now I'm not trying to be really
Speaker:I'm not trying to be rude
Speaker:but he drove from South Carolina to Florida
Speaker:I'm not trying to be an asshole here
Speaker:but if you saw a picture of the actual woman
Speaker:you shouldn't drive
Speaker:from South Carolina to North Carolina
Speaker:of the model of the mom but he didn't
Speaker:he saw a picture of the model
Speaker:that's what I'm saying but I'm saying like
Speaker:this poor guy is driving all the way there
Speaker:if it was the mom oh
Speaker:you shouldn't drive even between Caroline
Speaker:sorry you tried to be funny
Speaker:I missed that one that's okay
Speaker:so he drives there
Speaker:he's pulling up she's in the house
Speaker:imagine this no
Speaker:she's think
Speaker:I know this because this has been talked about
Speaker:she's thinking to herself
Speaker:he likes me so much from my conversation
Speaker:oh no
Speaker:this is not gonna be a big deal
Speaker:we're in love looks aren't that important
Speaker:he loves me from a lie
Speaker:that started from the get go though
Speaker:rings the doorbell
Speaker:she opens the door and he's like
Speaker:ah right
Speaker:is your is your is I'm not gonna say the name
Speaker:but is uh is Samantha home
Speaker:please come in I am I am Samantha fuck can you imagine
Speaker:how quickly his erection fuck away
Speaker:do you know this guy's driving there thinking like
Speaker:I'm gonna have sex with this woman
Speaker:and a life with this woman
Speaker:he's so in love
Speaker:he thinks he's been telling his friends about her
Speaker:he gets there
Speaker:it's not her it's an older woman
Speaker:looks nothing like her
Speaker:there are a few responses a man could have right
Speaker:anger
Speaker:fuck you you tricked me that's what I would do yeah
Speaker:that's what I would do
Speaker:this man who was a who was a Marine
Speaker:that was his career
Speaker:he walks and he goes oh wow shit
Speaker:they sit down and he goes what is what's going on
Speaker:and she goes that with I I just have to come clean
Speaker:I thought I'd come clean with you
Speaker:after you drove 20 hours
Speaker:and that's my daughter's picture
Speaker:but I love you
Speaker:and I still wanna see if we can work it out
Speaker:he
Speaker:stays overnight what because he's a nice man
Speaker:and he talks to her and he says
Speaker:I think
Speaker:you might have to get a little bit of help here
Speaker:this is kind of nutty you like broke my fucking heart
Speaker:and there can never be anything between us
Speaker:but I I want you to know this is not okay
Speaker:and it's like a mental someone's like a mental illness
Speaker:how could you do that to me
Speaker:but they talk all night
Speaker:and he ends up kind of forgiving her wow
Speaker:what a nice guy
Speaker:the next morning he drives back to South Carolina
Speaker:and sends a message to
Speaker:her daughter and says
Speaker:how does he send a message to the daughter
Speaker:Facebook oh
Speaker:because I'm in love with you oh fuck
Speaker:I've been talking
Speaker:I thought I was talking to you for this long
Speaker:and your mom did this thing
Speaker:but it's you I want you
Speaker:it's your picture like we have to meet whatever
Speaker:and it's my friend's girlfriend shit
Speaker:isn't that a crazy catfish
Speaker:you know what that's so crazy
Speaker:that fucking crazy because he sounded normal and like
Speaker:okay he got hurt and yeah
Speaker:and then he leaves but then you realize he's like
Speaker:he's also fucked up
Speaker:cause none of the conversation matters
Speaker:cause he matches so much to the picture
Speaker:he only liked the picture
Speaker:he only liked the picture yeah
Speaker:somebody told me that they did holy shit
Speaker:what do you think I don't know if I wanna ask this shit
Speaker:I got asked a few times if I was catfishing people
Speaker:when I all night dated
Speaker:oh cool yeah
Speaker:I did it
Speaker:I'd love to talk about way before you in med school
Speaker:I did because you're hot I think you're hot
Speaker:I mean I think you're hot
Speaker:I just didn't want you to have to say yes
Speaker:because I'm hot
Speaker:you mean because as far as online dating go
Speaker:if I saw your picture I would certainly be like
Speaker:what's up bot
Speaker:I got that yeah
Speaker:I'm not I'm not a bot
Speaker:I'm not a fucking model but I got that
Speaker:and I was like we're back for batteries
Speaker:the first night we were together oh
Speaker:you did get that
Speaker:I put more in your dick to make it better what
Speaker:God I don't wanna ask any of this
Speaker:but I'm going to
Speaker:because that's what the people would want
Speaker:what the fuck Erica
Speaker:you're online dating you go on
Speaker:you wake up in the morning
Speaker:and you have a message from every man on the app
Speaker:they've gotten their friends to sign up
Speaker:you have just all these messages
Speaker:and how do you not meet a man on an app
Speaker:you must have you did yeah
Speaker:we might have talked about one of these dates
Speaker:on this podcast I kind of got catfished
Speaker:do we talk we talked about the guy that um
Speaker:said he liked coffee
Speaker:and pretended he knew about Madison
Speaker:do you consider that a catfish
Speaker:well he had all these pictures up of him
Speaker:that were over 10 years old
Speaker:where he was in shape and when I met him
Speaker:and he had like a long lot of hair and he said
Speaker:he drove a really nice like expensive type of car
Speaker:and when he showed up he was very overweight
Speaker:bald and had like a car that was that brand
Speaker:but like 40 years old not a classic okay
Speaker:he could just been himself and tried
Speaker:all of it was like that and when we talked he was like
Speaker:oh I hurt my leg so I couldn't really exercise
Speaker:but I motivated to get back
Speaker:I'm like three like what did he say
Speaker:like I'm like 20 push UPS away from my six pack
Speaker:no
Speaker:I feel really bad about something
Speaker:I was going to tell you something real quick
Speaker:what I may have done something terrible as far as like
Speaker:to me no
Speaker:it was on a dating profile
Speaker:oh
Speaker:I had a picture of my penis next to a quarter
Speaker:but it was a tiny novelty quarter
Speaker:so so it made my penis look like you know
Speaker:wow please continue
Speaker:you are online dating wow
Speaker:what you must just be getting inundated with men
Speaker:wanting dates
Speaker:right
Speaker:what do you do not a lot of go through them
Speaker:did you find a lot of not a lot
Speaker:it's not a lot out there right
Speaker:isn't online dating a lot
Speaker:like going to the grocery store late at night
Speaker:all the fucking shelves are empty the boxes are open
Speaker:well I thought online dating was where losers went
Speaker:and I had a really hard time signing up because well
Speaker:this is like when this was early days
Speaker:E Harmony yeah
Speaker:plenty of fish e harmony and match
Speaker:com as on both cause you know
Speaker:I thought only some guys be on one not the other
Speaker:and then you realize
Speaker:everyone has the same profile on both
Speaker:cause we all are desperate
Speaker:and we're all doing the same thing right
Speaker:things like Uber and left
Speaker:I got both yeah
Speaker:well okay
Speaker:so I judged but I was on there
Speaker:so I felt like a loser to be on there
Speaker:like everyone's judging while they're on there
Speaker:you can't get a date but you have to be on there
Speaker:I had a very hard time dating
Speaker:because I was in medical school
Speaker:so I had not very much time at all
Speaker:I never went out um
Speaker:like in med school
Speaker:because what I just was thinking that
Speaker:such a great point you had
Speaker:please don't lose your thought
Speaker:you had a great point about that
Speaker:you're like all only losers on these apps
Speaker:but then we're on the app as well
Speaker:it's just kind of funny that you're right
Speaker:like people think that but we're all
Speaker:I was embarrassed cause I called myself out like okay
Speaker:I'm a loser too cause I'm on it
Speaker:like when I was like in high school
Speaker:and I go to blockbuster
Speaker:and I look around on a Friday night and be like fuck
Speaker:I hope nobody cool sees me
Speaker:I'm here with my dad getting a movie
Speaker:and then I was like wait a minute
Speaker:you're a fuck you're fucking doing it too
Speaker:I saw
Speaker:I was at like a porn shop once where they have like um
Speaker:dirty videos and this guy was like masturbating
Speaker:I was like what a pervert and I was like
Speaker:you know what
Speaker:it's my fucking hand dude like we're all in this
Speaker:do you know what I mean this isn't just him
Speaker:um
Speaker:you're in med school
Speaker:how I'm just saying pictures up there med school
Speaker:every guy's not a lot of takers
Speaker:I mean you didn't take a lot of the men
Speaker:you didn't want to see a lot of them
Speaker:I have a very specific type
Speaker:so I just narrowed it down to what I wanted
Speaker:and then I went from there
Speaker:no I will not
Speaker:fucking ask what that type is well you know what though
Speaker:what I thought I needed is what I didn't need
Speaker:like I always dated the same kind of person
Speaker:and when I was attracted
Speaker:I feel sometimes we like what's not good for us
Speaker:you know like our type might be incorrect
Speaker:my type was like I need this
Speaker:this this
Speaker:this and this
Speaker:and I would get all of it on paper and then in person
Speaker:I was like without saying what this
Speaker:this is and this is how many of the this is
Speaker:do I have none of them
Speaker:the previous this is without even saying what they are
Speaker:I'm trying to think what they were
Speaker:cause it was a long time ago yeah
Speaker:I remember you told me I know
Speaker:I know I know couple I wasn't gonna say them all
Speaker:you want me to say them all
Speaker:no I wouldn't say them but maybe just like
Speaker:just cause I feel it wasn't like a
Speaker:you can if you want to I was trying to
Speaker:had to be above 6 feet tall from having such
Speaker:had to be above 6 feet tall
Speaker:checked over one
Speaker:had to have a master's degree PhD or doctorate over 4
Speaker:and had to have dark hair 1 4 6
Speaker:those were my 3
Speaker:what about say was he gonna hurt my feelings
Speaker:no no
Speaker:no my other one and this one uh
Speaker:this was like the secondary one
Speaker:those are like my 3 like okay
Speaker:you have to have tall dark and handsome tall
Speaker:dark and educated tall dark and educated okay
Speaker:yeah educated was No. 1
Speaker:actually I deviated from that
Speaker:as long as the education was No. 1
Speaker:the second one was like I preferred certain um
Speaker:like features or like religions or something like
Speaker:I didn't want someone who was like
Speaker:very different than my belief system
Speaker:but it was like a generalized
Speaker:you know we can't release this episode
Speaker:because you're just gonna
Speaker:get inundated with people that are taller
Speaker:darker and more educated than me darker haired
Speaker:well I mean
Speaker:that's just what I gravitated towards
Speaker:but the problem is I didn't know myself
Speaker:and I didn't know what was so important to me
Speaker:I still find intelligence to be
Speaker:the most important factor
Speaker:by far
Speaker:and what I've told you before is dating you was like
Speaker:oh he's just this nice guy that we met
Speaker:like we're friends there's nothing serious
Speaker:you weren't threatening
Speaker:so our relationship built for me
Speaker:thinking we were just friends
Speaker:and then I found out how smart you were and I was like
Speaker:holy shit
Speaker:that's right nice
Speaker:and it like it snuck up on me like
Speaker:cause I wasn't looking
Speaker:but then like I thought that I needed all these things
Speaker:and the recipe that I was asking for was
Speaker:someone very narcissistic
Speaker:and self involved and just an asshole
Speaker:and I always picked the same type
Speaker:there's I never Learned
Speaker:I love that I feel the same way
Speaker:I had a type and friends of mine
Speaker:would say
Speaker:fucking stop this dude
Speaker:like this type you're gravitating towards
Speaker:17 years old 364 days
Speaker:I think they say pounds
Speaker:and you call her the next morning
Speaker:17 is illegal I just said seventeen
Speaker:oh 364 days and you call her the morning
Speaker:I get it I get it
Speaker:no but okay
Speaker:maybe there was a little bit
Speaker:I was just maybe there were younger girls
Speaker:maybe they were party girls
Speaker:20 year age got brown hair
Speaker:uh huh yeah
Speaker:what else give me your whole list
Speaker:well no
Speaker:that was the whole list it was your match com list
Speaker:I didn't have a list I just was like
Speaker:you don't have a list no
Speaker:I just who do you have any preferences
Speaker:I mean I would say like
Speaker:what did you click if you had to click all the boxes
Speaker:what was it
Speaker:I wouldn't ask I would be clever about it like um
Speaker:I kind of wanted someone fit
Speaker:that wasn't super overweight
Speaker:you can't say that so I would be like oh
Speaker:I have my my house is really narrow doorway oh my gosh
Speaker:you gotta be able to fit through
Speaker:without turning to the side no
Speaker:you can't on those
Speaker:you can put the type of athletic body that you have
Speaker:remember
Speaker:so one of them was athletic body or one was like yeah
Speaker:fluffy one was curvy one was slender
Speaker:I just checked bring it bring it
Speaker:I think I'm gonna put like I got no matches by the way
Speaker:but I put a I I I'm more saying my type in retrospect
Speaker:so like if I look at my type
Speaker:and I look at the girls I've dated
Speaker:they all kind of have brown hair
Speaker:they were all younger than me
Speaker:they all like to party none of them had careers oh
Speaker:so it was like
Speaker:I was sort of this guy that could come in and
Speaker:and go and they go
Speaker:while we get to go to this restaurant or we get to
Speaker:go to there was like that element of it
Speaker:and I had a lot of friends who said like with this
Speaker:that doesn't seem that great for you my friend
Speaker:and then um
Speaker:sometimes
Speaker:your type is just a habit of person that you're with
Speaker:not I wonder why though I think cause it's us
Speaker:maybe a safe thing or something you feel comfort
Speaker:I don't know but yours is different than mine
Speaker:hmm or because we have these narratives
Speaker:we walk into it with well
Speaker:I wanted like a ton of success
Speaker:like I wanted a very confident man
Speaker:sorry about that
Speaker:but that often came with just complete egotistical
Speaker:behavioral patterns that were quite repulsive yeah
Speaker:but I kept going back to it
Speaker:because I found maybe a lack of education unattractive
Speaker:we share an attribute I think is kind of interesting
Speaker:I think a lot of people have
Speaker:one of my favorite attributes people have
Speaker:and it is this um
Speaker:I wanna be super successful
Speaker:I wanna sell out shows
Speaker:I wanna like make more money and less time
Speaker:but none of it I mean
Speaker:none of it has to do with any superficial reasons
Speaker:of being famous or walking to the airport
Speaker:and people it 100% has to do with seeing my kids more
Speaker:seeing my girlfriend more
Speaker:living a little bit more alive
Speaker:cause I'm sure people understand
Speaker:like traveling all over the places
Speaker:it's a tough it's a bit of a tough life if I could
Speaker:if I could
Speaker:perform for everybody in one night at a theater
Speaker:you know
Speaker:then instead of doing like a whole week at a club
Speaker:I get to be home more that's my only
Speaker:it's my only I don't have any of those other type
Speaker:like I feel like we both have our priorities are legit
Speaker:but we are absolutely we wake up wanting more
Speaker:and wanting to achieve more and work harder
Speaker:I think that it's interesting that
Speaker:you and I both struck out on a multitude of trial
Speaker:and complete errors
Speaker:and then when we weren't attempting to find a partner
Speaker:we found each other
Speaker:and I truly I'm not trying to say that as like sappy
Speaker:like fuck off but not you don't fuck off please
Speaker:you're cool but like
Speaker:don't you think that's interesting
Speaker:how a lot of love stories
Speaker:when you ask people like how did you meet
Speaker:they're like oh
Speaker:what a bar a blind date
Speaker:whatever or
Speaker:or online dating
Speaker:or I was looking for this kind of person
Speaker:my friend set me up cause this is what I liked
Speaker:but with us it was like totally opposite
Speaker:it was like I'm not looking
Speaker:and you're not necessarily
Speaker:who I would always gravitate towards
Speaker:I'm not an underage blond who's drunk
Speaker:I have I'm sorry
Speaker:brunette who's drunk I almost got all three
Speaker:I have a strange belief that I'm just gonna say
Speaker:I have a strange belief that I truly believe
Speaker:and I think that well tiny bit of scientific backing
Speaker:there's a book called Stumbling Onto Happiness
Speaker:one of my favorite books
Speaker:and one of my favorite premises of the book is that
Speaker:he says we're not good at knowing what future us wants
Speaker:we're just not even when you go
Speaker:I'm gonna order that pizza
Speaker:your mind pictures you eating the pizza
Speaker:and you're like fuck it
Speaker:you don't need to decide what you're gonna eat
Speaker:you go through the processes of like
Speaker:I'm eating a popsicle I'm eating ice cream
Speaker:I'm gonna go with the ice cream
Speaker:you run through it in your head
Speaker:like a like someone's training for the Olympics
Speaker:you do like a fake little movie in your head
Speaker:we try the popsicle and you eat the ice cream
Speaker:and so we're not good at knowing what future us wants
Speaker:and so I sincerely believe that in life
Speaker:whether it's with love or careers or anything
Speaker:the very best way for it to happen
Speaker:and almost the way it always works out
Speaker:is when you are not desperately searching something
Speaker:and you find it
Speaker:so the premise of the book is that well
Speaker:that's just a little part of the book
Speaker:but that like we don't know what Future Us wants
Speaker:we're not good at predicting
Speaker:you're not good at predicting that Future Erica
Speaker:you thought
Speaker:Future Erica wanted a guy with all those degrees
Speaker:that was really tall you were wrong
Speaker:future Erica wanted a short comedian with a um
Speaker:associates degree no
Speaker:I actually have a bachelor degree
Speaker:but we're not great at knowing it
Speaker:predicting our future happiness so what's the
Speaker:solution point
Speaker:what is the solution
Speaker:I've should that's quite interesting
Speaker:like
Speaker:that's depressing if it's just like we suck at knowing
Speaker:good luck everyone I'm gonna be honest
Speaker:I wish I could remember you're all doomed
Speaker:wish I remember the end of it
Speaker:but it makes me think
Speaker:I'll give you one thing
Speaker:like when I met you and made me think oh
Speaker:maybe me in the past is not that good at predicting
Speaker:and maybe giving a little more thought
Speaker:and I think that's why
Speaker:sometimes when we fall into things
Speaker:when I'm looking for a job
Speaker:I can never get a job when I'm like
Speaker:I lost my writing job and I'm like
Speaker:I'm going to network yeah
Speaker:and right on this show I never did
Speaker:and then I did Gutfeld and came in
Speaker:I did Real Rob on Netflix and thought
Speaker:this will change everything
Speaker:and it changed a couple things
Speaker:and I knew Gutfeld and then like
Speaker:but the way I wanted it to work was do a Netflix show
Speaker:sell more tickets become it's not worth it all
Speaker:I just ended up doing it kind of like
Speaker:I didn't know it would be in politics
Speaker:or beyond Fox News
Speaker:or I didn't know this is the way it would be
Speaker:it would be for me but I like the fact that it was
Speaker:I never went in thinking I wanna make money from this
Speaker:I wanna sell tickets from this
Speaker:I went in thinking I wanna help my be on my friend show
Speaker:maybe help him and maybe get some laughs
Speaker:you know I think
Speaker:it's really interesting about how
Speaker:we always make the safe choices right
Speaker:Brine Brown talked about something like that
Speaker:where you're in the arena edit too well
Speaker:what is that look for I love that lady
Speaker:so she talked about the arena and how like
Speaker:if you wanna make stuff happen
Speaker:and you're comfortable
Speaker:just sitting in an arena and watching
Speaker:nothing's gonna happen
Speaker:you have to be the fucking gladiator
Speaker:that's fucking scared shitless
Speaker:that's in the faces of everybody else
Speaker:that makes those tough decisions
Speaker:that nobody else wants to
Speaker:or you're never gonna get the spotlight
Speaker:you're never gonna get the glory
Speaker:you're never gonna get what you want
Speaker:so if you're too scared to fucking do it fine
Speaker:you're gonna take the safe route
Speaker:your life's gonna make my do you know why
Speaker:but
Speaker:you have to be fucking terrified to make those choices
Speaker:that take those exceptional people and propel them
Speaker:otherwise you're just another spectator
Speaker:do you know the first 20 years of my comedy career
Speaker:actually the tickets to the arena
Speaker:they were fake this guy's only fake ones
Speaker:I couldn't even watch
Speaker:those are my career
Speaker:I love that Bernay thing about the arena and
Speaker:and I also think that I think that a lot
Speaker:when I do take some things personally online
Speaker:I do get my feelings hurt sometimes
Speaker:like in the last episode for a second
Speaker:I got my feelings hurt someone said
Speaker:I was with you for health insurance or something and um
Speaker:I think you in the
Speaker:that's the only place you're gonna get
Speaker:couldn't I be hurt then because you were dating me
Speaker:to use me for health insurance
Speaker:either of us but you know why
Speaker:this is an arena a podcast is an arena
Speaker:any spectator can yell shit at you well
Speaker:that's part of the yeah I was gonna say
Speaker:I think
Speaker:we're opening ourselves up to a lot of criticism
Speaker:because it's so easy
Speaker:and enjoyable for people to knock other people down
Speaker:online with nobody knowing who they are
Speaker:and we're putting ourselves out there yeah
Speaker:maybe when I'm feeling super confident someday huh
Speaker:I will read to you your dating profile page oh haha
Speaker:it's probably still up I'll read you James 10 um
Speaker:searching for barely legal no
Speaker:no definitely legal
Speaker:I said barely legal but can't run a car
Speaker:can't run a car can't vote legal but can't buy beer
Speaker:oh no I still say can't vote can't vote is good too
Speaker:we'll teach you
Speaker:I'm gonna play one more audio we have to go oh
Speaker:but um should I play one more random one
Speaker:and we'll get out of here
Speaker:we'll do a quick answer
Speaker:I have no idea what this is about should I do it
Speaker:if it's a long one
Speaker:we do it next time if it's a short one
Speaker:we do it right now okay
Speaker:as always is afraid to ask
Speaker:and you can do so many questions on Speak Pipe
Speaker:which Erica doesn't love the name of Speak Pipe
Speaker:I think it's great I think it just invokes
Speaker:exactly what it sounds like all like pipe is a dick
Speaker:what else would it fucking be
Speaker:I don't know I thought it was like um
Speaker:I'm picturing this really long pipe and I'm at one end
Speaker:and I'm like okay
Speaker:you just did it you just did it
Speaker:you just did it you just came into a pipe
Speaker:no holy shit I don't like any of this you did it
Speaker:you know what I just naturally
Speaker:naturally
Speaker:grabbed that pipe and put it right to your mouth
Speaker:as a producer
Speaker:I just thought to myself there's nothing romantic
Speaker:I did that because we're both doing blow job motions
Speaker:I go what's he gonna cut to
Speaker:I'm holding no I was picturing you know
Speaker:one of those pipes
Speaker:where it goes on the side of a building
Speaker:sometimes they have my playgrounds and you're like
Speaker:hey Erica I'm over on this side
Speaker:I'm I'm talking to the speak pipe
Speaker:what does your other hand do
Speaker:is it right here no
Speaker:there's this not
Speaker:is it like that you could cut to me on that
Speaker:is that what it is let's do live directing
Speaker:no reason to cup the balls on
Speaker:by the way
Speaker:if you wanna see Erica coming balls
Speaker:that's only available on YouTube cause there's no video
Speaker:there's no video you're really missing out
Speaker:I would say every other episode Erica does a
Speaker:it's almost like he went to blowjob MIME school
Speaker:I wow
Speaker:you're very good I mean
Speaker:honestly sometimes I go right goes that
Speaker:is she cheating on me with the invisible man
Speaker:cause that is fucking looks real through the motion
Speaker:so many times it just becomes habit
Speaker:holy shit
Speaker:haha
Speaker:love to end upset
Speaker:um ah
Speaker:let's listen Jamie
Speaker:oh to a thing
Speaker:how about how about if it's a really um
Speaker:like in like in if it's really
Speaker:this is where my brains not working
Speaker:just if it's very involved
Speaker:we'll do it next time if it's quick
Speaker:we'll just play that fucker
Speaker:hello guys um
Speaker:so one question
Speaker:which one of you made the first move
Speaker:was it Jamie or was it you Erica
Speaker:also by the way Jamie
Speaker:I'm from Sweden by the way
Speaker:you
Speaker:you really brighten my days with Gutfeld appearances
Speaker:so thank you so much for that and take care of yourself
Speaker:that's really nice I think that's it
Speaker:that's nice I like that one
Speaker:before he even complimented me
Speaker:I was like this guy's voice fucking rolls
Speaker:I like yeah
Speaker:I like that guy
Speaker:what you think who made the first move
Speaker:no he sounded way better than that
Speaker:that's nice you sound creepy
Speaker:well we'll answer that real quick then
Speaker:I would say
Speaker:I would say it depends yep
Speaker:because
Speaker:Erica surprised me
Speaker:some of you may know that from listening
Speaker:that is showing Denver
Speaker:after we've been talking for a really long time
Speaker:damn though actually
Speaker:no matter what the question is
Speaker:I think the answer is you
Speaker:I walked out of the theater and found you
Speaker:and talked to you first but I mean
Speaker:all the very first time we laid our eyes on each other
Speaker:I saw you first performing
Speaker:but I walked out
Speaker:and I'm the one who decided to walk up to your table
Speaker:and say hi
Speaker:but I think it's all of them
Speaker:and then I asked you to create your TikTok account
Speaker:so we could communicate
Speaker:cause we didn't exchange numbers that night
Speaker:that's right and we created an account
Speaker:I filmed the video and put on my page
Speaker:not your page
Speaker:and then I slid into your motherfucking DMS first
Speaker:but as a friend
Speaker:yeah as a friend yeah
Speaker:but just to say hi yeah
Speaker:and then for me you are real life friend
Speaker:imaginary sex partner
Speaker:I didn't know you were pervert from day 1
Speaker:I was just being your friend from day 1
Speaker:but whatever
Speaker:and then yes
Speaker:you're right I was gonna say that if you go
Speaker:I'm I'm not proud of this
Speaker:but if you go first kiss everything
Speaker:it's you well yeah
Speaker:I give you credit though for when we were just friends
Speaker:yeah cause I didn't start stuff like
Speaker:I started stuff as like a hi
Speaker:nice to meet you not even interested stuff
Speaker:so I don't think that counts
Speaker:I just started the relationship
Speaker:but it was a platonic relationship
Speaker:I think you're the one who kept reaching out online
Speaker:when I was single and finally said
Speaker:are you interested yep
Speaker:in a way for me to realize okay
Speaker:I could reach out
Speaker:do you know what I think was the hardest thing for us
Speaker:when you what when you shut up and find out
Speaker:I wasn't 6 3 with a master's degree
Speaker:like I told you online
Speaker:no
Speaker:did not Catfish Eric made the first move is the answer
Speaker:next time I'm afraid to ask
Speaker:I grabbed your shirt and pulled you in
Speaker:for that first kiss I know
Speaker:what do you think that's good
Speaker:I needed it I wouldn't have fucking done it
Speaker:I barely made the second move
Speaker:you're still not making moves
Speaker:I barely made the second move to this day okay
Speaker:on that note this is afraid to ask
Speaker:we make a move hey
Speaker:if they want to
Speaker:if one of the questions speak pipe on Twitter
Speaker:I'm gonna make a move
Speaker:coming up on the next episode of afraid to ask
Speaker:would you like a question about a PSA test
Speaker:to be honest with you I don't know what that is
Speaker:or would you like a question about uh hernia
Speaker:like a public service announcement
Speaker:is that what it means I don't know what's the question
Speaker:I think it's not it's probably having to do with a man
Speaker:okay so this is from let's see
Speaker:this is from Randy Stockdale 3
Speaker:0 7 2 by the way I'm
Speaker:I love the first 3,071 Randy Stockdale's
Speaker:this one's great they're all great hey DOC
Speaker:how often should a guy get a PSA test
Speaker:what do the resulting numbers on the test actually mean
Speaker:thanks
Speaker:why did you do it Lee how often
Speaker:I thought I thought Randy would be like hey DOC
Speaker:how often did a guy get a PSA test
Speaker:Randy
Speaker:Randy to me feels like guy goes he likes barbecue
Speaker:I like him that's an appropriate question
Speaker:he phrase it in a kind way
Speaker:he wasn't mean he wasn't condescending
Speaker:and it's a very valid thing to wanna ask your doctor
Speaker:I chose this question so because it was the only time
Speaker:I'm not shooting okay that's not true
