Our next exciting introduction features co-host Belinda Haan! Sonya guides Belinda through a candid conversation about her journey toward self-understanding and acceptance. 

Belinda talks about the importance of embodying compassion for self even more than others. 

She opens up about the parts of herself she has judged and denied in order to meet external expectations and the long, sometimes painful process of reclaiming those parts. Belinda’s experience of reclaiming herself will resonate with you. You learn more about the methods she’s exploring in her own reclaiming process, and you’ll understand why we’re so excited to have her join us as a regular host for this podcast!

Join us as we discuss: 

• 12:49 The formative experience of feeling deep emotion.
• 16:53 The benefit of accepting your self-critical parts, instead of trying to erase them.
• 22:53 How changing your routine can help you reconnect with joy, regardless of your external circumstances.
• 30:13 Embodying compassion, and how it can help you stop wasting time judging yourself.
• 37:44 Belinda’s interest in grounded spirituality, and how to connect to something bigger to help us find ourselves.

Resources mentioned in the show: 

• Belonging Here: A Guide for the Spiritually Sensitive Person, by Judith Blackstone, PhD https://www.amazon.com/Belonging-Here-Spiritually-Sensitive-Person-ebook/dp/B008674F50/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524590816&sr=1-1&keywords=belonging+here 
• The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are, by Dr. Ronald D. Siegel https://www.guilford.com/books/The-Extraordinary-Gift-of-Being-Ordinary/Ronald-Siegel/9781462538355 
• Motherhood: Facing and Finding Yourself, by Lisa Marchiano https://lisamarchiano.com/books/ 

Learn more about Sonya & Belinda: 

—>Sonya Stattmann is the host & creator of Reclaiming Ourselves™. She is a TEDx & corporate speaker and has been working with leaders around personal development for the last 22 years. She teaches workshops & offers small group programs around emotional intelligence, transformational & embodied leadership, and energy management. You can find more about her here:

Website: https://www.sonyastattmann.com/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonyastattmann/ 

—> Belinda Haan, co-host of Reclaiming Ourselves, is a gifted Masters-level certified professional coach who has worked with leaders and executives in various Fortune 500 corporations worldwide. She is a mindfulness and compassion teacher and facilitates group and individual therapeutic interventions that promote inner connection and belonging. She is personally passionate about bridging the gap between science and spirit, using an empathic, grounded approach that weaves contemplative practice and accessible personal development with her clients. You can find more about her here:

Website: www.belindahaan.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/belinda-haan-b1b02815/ 

What you can do next:

1. For more episodes, opportunities, and information on the hosts, visit http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
2. Love the podcast? Get episodes delivered to your inbox with articles related to the topics we talk about. You can sign up at http://reclaimingourselvespodcast.com/
3. Need a little weekly magic? Sign up for Worthy Love Notes & weekly affirmations here https://www.sonyastattmann.com/self-worth-affirmations-2/  

Thank you for being you. We are so honored to have you as a listener!

as a culture, we just really say, Light emotions, pleasurable

emotions are all that there is.

And these darker, heavier more painful emotions are either a

sign of mental illness or to be avoided at all costs because you're

gonna die if you experience 'em.

And that is definitely the model that I have been working with.

It's cultural kind of messaging that we always experience.

And now sometimes I genuinely in, in times of feeling really light

and spacious, sometimes I actually don't feel as connected to myself.

It's actually in those darker times that I feel just so connected with

myself and with something higher that it can almost be missed.

It's funny for me to say that because I think I spent the first 40 years

just trying to grab the light.

I know, right.

It's really interesting.

I mean, I know I've been kind of exploring the other side as well.

Like, I feel comfortable with darkness and I can embrace darkness,

but how do I also embrace joy?

Right.

How do I, like, I'm good at the low end.

Like I want to experience more of the high end and embracing that as well.

If you know there is something deep inside of you that is yearning to be

seen, to be known, and to have expression.

If there's something you need to reclaim and remember: maybe it's your

power or your purpose, your gifts.

This is the podcast for you.

Welcome to Reclaiming Ourselves.

I'm your host, Sonya Stattmann and I'm honored to have three amazing

co-hosts, Laura Shook-Guzman, Belinda Haan, and Emily Soccorsy, here with

me on this journey to self discovery.

Every week we're gonna help you unravel and remember what it means to reclaim

yourself, to own who you are to recognize your innate worth and greatness.

Now, those podcast is a deep dive into self-development healing and empowerment.

So hold on.

Here we go.

Just a quick note, before we dive into today's episode.

These initial episodes are introduction episodes.

One of the reasons I chose to have co-hosts instead of guests, was

to give you the opportunity to get to know us, and to spend the topic

episodes talking about the topics.

So today's special episode is a deep dive into one of the co-hosts' stories.

It's gonna give you context for why we are here and what we

have to contribute this season.

Enjoy getting to know us.

Thank you for listening.

And if you wanna learn more, be sure to visit reclaimingourselvespodcast.com.

Hey everyone.

And welcome back to reclaiming ourselves.

I'm so excited because we get this opportunity today to meet

one of our other co-hosts.

These pre episodes are going to be so amazing because we can

really dive deep on each person you're listening to every week.

So today we get to meet Belinda Hahn.

Hey Belinda.

I'm so glad you're here.

Hey, Sonya.

So amazing to be here.

Yay.

you know, I've had some really great conversations

so far with the co-host.

Laura did an introduction with me, which was, you know, different because

I'm used to being the one to ask the questions, but it was really good.

And I feel like this is such a great opportunity for us to get to know you.

And so one of the things I always just love to start with is the basics, right?

People wanna.

Where do you live?

Do you have kids, you know, do you have a partner?

So tell us a little bit of, sort of the basics of where you are.

Yes.

Yes.

Well, I live in Kings cliff, which is on the east coast of Australia.

Um, a small, pretty small town beautiful place that I've been

living for nearly 10 years now.

And I've got two kids.

So a daughter who's 12 and son who's nine and I'm married to Ben gorgeous Huby.

I think we've been married for more than 15 years.

It's amazing.

You guys are amazing.

He is, he is a gorgeous hub for

he is absolutely gorgeous.

I love it.

And your kids like, wow.

So you're in those tween years,

Yes.

Yes.

And we just got back from two months in Italy together.

Um, the four of us and it was.

Amazing.

It was just so such beautiful, perfect age, quality time.

So, yeah, I'm just in basking in the glow of that at the moment,

That sounds so amazing.

And so tell us a little bit about why you chose to go to Italy.

Well, why Italy and also, , why two months away.

Yeah, well, we have a real affiliation with Italy.

Um, not from a family perspective, but just love everything about Italy.

And we actually took the kids.

When.

My youngest was only four months old and Indy was two and a half.

And we had two months at that time to Italy.

And so going back now with the kids older, obviously it was way easier.

Mm-hmm

but yeah, we just, we originally were gonna go for six

months and then three months, and then we just decided that two months

was probably the limit for the kids, because they're really interested

in their friends and everything now.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was just wonderful.

The food, the culture, the views, the, you know, it was just amazing to immerse

ourselves in that for a couple of months.

It just feels like it was a total reset.

After the last couple of years of lots of challenges.

Yeah.

A hundred percent and that's amazing.

I mean, I think that's such a good Bondy experience.

Like it's an experience all of you will have for like the rest of your lives.

Right.

It's it's one of those reference point experiences, right?

That you kind of come back to or a feeling you wanna achieve.

Again, I think that's so important when kids are young.

Yes, absolutely.

And just a reminder of, of the value of novelty and mixing things up as well.

has just been so valuable for all of us, actually.

Yeah, that's beautiful.

I love that.

Yay.

All right.

So we kind of have the basics of where you're from and who you are.

Maybe tell us a few things that describe you.

Like sometimes I like to ask the question, give us two to three adjectives

that might describe you just so we can get a little bit of a picture.

Yes.

Okay.

So definitely sensitive slash empathetic um, enthusiastic and creative.

Creative's a word that I've been reclaiming actually in

terms of an adjective for me.

Beautiful.

And so tell us a little bit about the empathic insensitive, right?

I think it's interesting because I think all of the co-hosts have used

that reference point a little bit were all sort of sensitive are empathic.

What does that mean to you?

So I, you know, this has been a part of me that

I've actually had to reclaim.

And I, I remember walking along on a beach, on a holiday once realizing that it

was, it was just a fact that I'm sensitive and empathetic , and all the ways that

I've kind of tried to make that not true.

because I just have had this idea.

I wanted to be really unfazed by things and just be able to go with the flow

and just be really strong and resilient.

And then I realized that I'm actually someone just, who is faced by things.

And that, that actually means that.

You know, I feel things deeply and that is actually a gift.

And, and I've had to learn ways to be able to not feel flooded by all of that.

And, you know, being able to be with people and not taking

on so much of their stuff.

That's, you know, a work in progress, I think, possibly of a lifetime, but

I feel like it's, it's sort of the gifts are in being able to connect

with others and being able to.

be sort of naturally compassionate with, different people and

different circumstances.

And I guess intuitively flowing with what feels right as well and

connecting more deeply with yourself.

So, yeah, I it's been a journey actually being able to see the strengths and

gifts of it, because I think I was just resisting it so much in myself

that this, this essential part of me

Yeah, it's amazing how much the world, it's almost like

swimming upstream to embrace your sort of sensitive or empathic nature.

It's like, you know, we're going against the grain, which tells us to shut it

off and suppress it and hold it down.

And, you know, I find that so interesting.

You know, as I feel a lot of people are embracing this part of themselves

right now and trying to understand it.

I mean, I do a lot of work on emotional intelligence and this

is a core component of it, right.

Being able to kind of embrace this part of ourselves.

Yes, yes.

And it's kind of like countercultural as well, because there's so

much, so much in the culture that tells us we've got a really.

Push ourselves really hard and just toughen up and all of that, that just

can, you know, all of those messages can be embodied that there's something

wrong with me for not being able to handle pushing myself all the time.

And, you know, so that that's, it really does take a lot of in our work to sort

of allow and accept that we don't have to be that way and being that way.

That the culture tells us we should be, is not really for our highest good

Yeah, I would love to hear more about your

experience with that, right?

Like one, one of the things that I wanna.

You today anyway, is like, what are some pivotal kind of points in your life

that, you know, really kind of changed?

You helped you remember who you are, helped you reclaim parts of yourself.

And I feel like that piece that you just mentioned, like recognizing

and embracing who you are in the pace that you need and letting go.

Striving and the running after and the, you know, tell us a little

bit more about that experience.

Cuz I feel like so many people are having that right now and they still feel so much

guilt or struggle or conflict around it.

What was your experience with that?

Yes.

Well, I think like you, I've been in really interested in

personal and spiritual development since my early twenties.

I think you might top me, cuz I think you, you were nine when you bought your

first personal development book, which I love . So I, you know, it's not new

to me personal and spiritual growth, but I guess when I turned 40, you know, I.

Had a total unraveling.

And I think that that was really, I just felt so much intense dissatisfaction

within me and with my life.

And it just felt so confusing because on paper I had everything, you know,

every external measure you could just tick, tick, tick, tick, but internally

I just felt just so sort of empty and, you know, and I just, all of the.

Different patterns that I was, that I'd always engaged in like people pleasing

and overworking and pushing myself to the limit and not taking care of

myself and all the self criticism, like intense self criticism over the years.

I think it just came to a head where I could no longer

tolerate that way of being and.

Always just thinking about other people, just so focused on external

validation and not internal validation and just so dissatisfied that I just

kept going through the same, trying to fix these things and nothing working.

If you like, and.

having that unraveling, I just, I decided I was gonna take six months off

for spiritual growth and it was just so wonderful to just create space for myself.

And so lucky that I was able to do that.

And that just allowed me to be with myself really for the first time, probably ever

that wasn't pushing, you know, distracting myself with work or family or whatever.

Um, . And so that allowed me to sort of uncover some of these

core beliefs that were running and back to your, your question about

empathetic, sensitive journey.

You know, one of my core beliefs was I'm crazy because.

As a child.

I was, I remember being so overwhelmed by emotion and feeling

deeply the suffering of the world.

and I couldn't see, and back then, no one talked about emotions or,

you know, that, that just wasn't that gen our generation wasn't that

wasn't part of the the conversation.

And so I couldn't see anyone else around me struggling like me.

So I kind of.

This in my child, like mind was just came to the conclusion that

I was crazy and that there was something really wrong with me.

And I think that, that from that, that place, I then intelligently came up

with all of these ways of making that, not be true through people pleasing.

And I just had really a gift in being able to work out what people needed

and, you know, being able to sort of.

Contort myself to make sure that I was really making everyone happy.

and then I also went into achievement, like, you know, going, getting masters

and all this sort of stuff to, you know, try to fill the holes that I

felt inside, which was really um, yeah.

Through a lot of distraction, a lot of, kind of avoidance and.

Of course, you know, that was a really great strategy because what else

could I do, especially as a child.

So I really had to just go within and really uncover what these core

beliefs were running and also the behaviors and everything that I

was doing to kind of avoid that.

And that sort of took me on a massive journey, you know, including training

as a mindfulness teacher and.

And then having some beautiful experiences amongst all the pain of the

deep inner work and uncovering which you know, that it absolutely was painful.

I'd then have all these spacious moments of just total connection with myself

and with the world in a just profoundly.

Like mind altering kind of way, without any mind altering substances just, yeah,

just a deep feeling and experience of my wholeness and perfection, regardless

of all of these coverings that I had, that I had over the, this truth.

And so, because I had those experiences, I was able to sort of tap into that.

And then, I mean, my journey really since then has been.

Sort of navigating that whole forgetting and remembering, and I know we're gonna

do an episode on that, but I think once I UN uncovered this wholeness

within me, I wanted to stay there.

a hundred percent of the time and can I just stay in this like spacious,

like where you just feel like nothing is a problem and you are just

naturally values aligned and loving and compassionate and all of that.

So I just then took my Tave kind of like, I'm gonna be the

best spiritual person there is.

Yeah.

How did that, how did that go, Belinda?

Well, the type a personality is really kind of like

the opposite of what you . It's like instead of striving it's about

surrendering and yeah, so, so that, that has been part of the journey as well.

And I think I just have been just amazed that you sort of.

okay.

You know, I know what my inner critic sounds like.

I know the words that come out and I know that they're not true.

It's just all words and everything.

And then I just get hooked by it again and possessed by it.

And I think, and then I think what's wrong with me.

I've done all this work and why is this coming up again?

And so that, that has been my, my journey really since turning 40 and I'm nearly 44.

has been just being able to allow whatever is present to be present.

And that includes self-criticism, you know, like actually befriending that part

of me because it's actually like kind of giving up hope that it's ever gonna go.

It's always gonna be with me, but I can.

Look at it and build compassion for myself as I'm experiencing in a critic attack,

which is what I, I call it sometimes just feeling possessed by, by that.

So that's a pretty long answer to your, to your question.

I love it.

There there's like so many threads I wanna pull and that, I mean,

first of all, I love how you talked about it as an unraveling.

Right.

I really resonate and love that word.

Right.

Sometimes we talk about it as a crisis or a breakdown or a, you know, a major

life happening or whatever, but it's.

It is an unraveling and that's a really important piece.

We're unraveling to our core self, to our authentic self.

You know, we're, we're reclaiming what we are and we're having

to unravel what is not us.

And so I love, I love that you said that and, and I think

that's a really important piece.

One of the other things I wanna kind of touch on our pull out

of what you said too, is that.

Everything.

Like so many of us have reached this place where everything on paper is like good.

Right.

You know, we, we check the boxes.

We, we have a partner and we have kids, we have a business, you know, whatever

it is that we kind of check that place.

I think a lot of people out there feel like they've you know, really strived

in their life or all those things, and they're checking those boxes.

And yet

inside.

They feel dissatisfied.

And I think, you know, that it's like, then we often deny that in ourselves,

we diminish that in ourselves.

And I think that's really important to acknowledge in what you did

that, that like, no, this is truth.

What I feel,

not just because of what I should feel based on all these check marks.

And I think a lot of people can resonate with that feeling.

Yes.

Yes.

And I think um, When the dissatisfaction becomes so intense and painful,

you know, we've got a choice.

just keep just distracting and doing all the things, which is what I, you

know, have done many, many, many, and continue to do many, many, many

times, or just actually just feeling into what actually is present.

And what's what's underneath, what's underneath it all as well.

And.

You know, I think that at times now that I, you know, I've been through

so many cycles of expansion and contraction, expansion and contraction

that I know that at the moment of being on your knees with despair,

Mm-hmm

like the gold is just around the corner, you know, it's

just, I, I kind of welcome despair now.

I'm like, yes, I'm really close to, to removing another,

another layer of the onion.

That's when I know when I'm at, on my knees in despair.

That's when I know now.

I used to be scared of that.

Of course, cuz it's not a great feeling, but when you've been there

enough and realize that the fruit is just ready and ripe for picking after

that moment, that's sort of, yeah.

It's when you can really welcome that darkness and despair because you're close.

Yes.

I love that.

And I think too many people stop at that point or distract themselves

at that point or avoid that point.

And it's like, all the goodness is just beyond reminds me of childbirth.

Right?

Yes.

That's what I was thinking too.

It's like that threshold.

When you get to that moment, if you haven't had a child yet, Don't

plan on having a child, you get to this moment where you, like, you

literally think you can't do it.

Like it's

Yeah, I'm gonna die.

That's like, yeah, I can't, I can't do anymore.

And it's like, that's right at the moment when the birth is happening

and you know, it's the same, it's the rebirth of ourselves.

It's the rebirth of, you know, the light, it's all of these beautiful things

that are just beyond that darkness.

Yes.

Yes.

And, and yet as a culture, we just really say, Light emotions, pleasurable

emotions are all that there is.

And these darker, heavier more painful emotions are either a

sign of mental illness or to be avoided at all costs because you're

gonna die if you experience 'em.

And that is definitely the model that I have been working with.

It's cultural kind of messaging that we always experience.

And now sometimes I genuinely in, in times of feeling really light

and spacious, sometimes I actually don't feel as connected to myself.

It's actually in those darker times that I feel just so connected with

myself and with something higher that it can almost be missed.

It's funny for me to say that because I think I spent the first 40 years

just trying to grab the light.

I know, right.

It's really interesting.

I mean, I know I've been kind of exploring the other side as well.

Like, I feel comfortable with darkness and I can embrace darkness,

but how do I also embrace joy?

Right.

How do I, like, I'm good at the low end.

Like I want to experience more of the high end and embracing that as well.

Have you

experienced something like that?

Yes.

Well, it's just.

The last couple of months in Italy has really reacquainted me with joy.

Again, joy and awe has been, you know, those emotions have been very few and

far between in the last few years.

And I'm sure that , that is just a general expression of, of society.

We've had such a rough everyone individually and collectively

has had such a rough years.

mm-hmm

I think perhaps without really shifting things up.

And I don't think I necessarily needed to go to Italy for this, but just really,

really changing up my routine and really looking for joy and marinating and joy.

That has been really amazing because I feel like before.

I was in some ways, just so deep in my own process that I couldn't also see how

much joy there is and you know, how much joy is already within me, regardless

of what my external circumstances are.

So it's just been so wonderful and such a privilege to kind of marinate

in that for a couple of months.

Oh, I love that.

I love that.

Yeah.

Thanks for sharing that.

All right.

So I wanna take a little bit of a pivot or a turn, and I want you to

share a little bit of your journey.

I mean, a lot of people wanna know kind of.

What is your background?

What, you know, what does your career work life look like?

So let's kind of get through the basics of what that journey's been.

And then we can talk a little deeper.

Yeah.

Sure.

So for, for 20 years I worked in financial services in sort of HR and

then also leadership development, organizational development roles.

and that was in Australia and also the UK and New York as well.

So kind of global financial services career doing mostly people development.

And then when I moved to Kings cliff, obviously, you know, there was no option

for that, but I, I had always had a plan to exit corporate because it just like,

I feel like I'm actually recovering from my experience of working in corporate,

which was not at all aligned to.

Supporting my thriving.

I was definitely swimming against the, the, um, the current there.

And and then, so whilst I was at corporate, I was studying a master's

of science and coaching psychology with the view that I was going to

have my own business and as a coach.

And so that's what I started doing 10 years ago.

And.

We had the privilege of working all over the world with executives and

leaders on their personal development and professional development as well.

And then coinciding with this 40 40 turning 40.

And I was really just.

Sort of feeling into that, that part of my career was over the corporate work.

And so just started a mother's group.

I just really felt too.

Support mothers that was just coming up for me and my own motherhood journey was

so challenging, you know, and, and in different ways continues to be, I think

it sort of ebbs and flows, but certainly the first year was so challenging.

The most challenge I've ever been in my life.

And so I thought I had a terrible experience in the mother's.

So I decided I'm just gonna put an event ride out there and using my group coaching

and what I, what I knew about wellbeing, cuz I was also um, coaching and wellbeing.

just started a mother's group, but I had the rule that it was a

hundred percent focused on them.

N they weren't allowed to talk about their baby

Yes, I

and, and that was just a wonderful experience.

And, and, and did that for, for a number of years and continue to do that in not,

not as, as frequently as, as I used to.

And then I also trained as a mindfulness.

Teacher as well.

So bringing my love of contemplative wisdom and sort of aligning

that with my work as well.

Cause I'd had 20 years or more of interest in that.

and then also training as a women's circle facilitator.

So, and that has just been so beautiful to sort of create

this sacred space for women.

It's just the most magical and heart opening experience to be

able to sit in circle with women and share authentically it's.

So countercultural and so nourishing for the heart.

So that has just been amazing.

And, and then for, for this year I've been studying at Stanford university applied

compassion with the intention of like finally building compassion for myself

cause I had been teaching self-compassion, but really, you know, secretly just could

thought that I was exempt from that.

So my intention for this course was.

Build compassion for myself.

And also as part of the course, we've got to create a capstone

project that alleviates suffering in a community of our choice.

And I loved the idea of doing that.

And so I've chosen mothers and I'm doing a, a product, which is

the first time I've done that.

I just wanted something with roots, physical.

So it's gonna be a card deck to support mothers when they're having a rough.

I love that.

So beautiful.

I love that you're doing applied compassion, right?

Like, you know, I also teach a lot about compassion.

I feel like I'm a compassionate person, but you know, it's always practice, right.

It's always practicing.

And that self-compassion actually has to come first.

Every opening of self-compassion creates this like automatic

outflow of compassion for others.

Yes.

Yes.

And I've realized that through building my own compassion, that it really

just opens the door to everything, you know, and I really challenged myself

when I signed up to the course and my.

Doing what I do and looking for certifications from really amazing

places to therefore be qualified and I thought, am I looking for

a certificate and being nice

Yeah,

but I just, I just felt in my body that even though there wasn't

a lot of rational reasons for doing it, that I really wanted to do it.

And through, through the, the experience I've really.

I can really say I'm embodying compassion in such a meaningful way,

and that has opened up so much within me in terms of being able to live more

purposely and consciously and connect more with my wholeness, because I just

had such intense self-criticism, you know, just as a constant companion.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, that's so interesting to, to look at.

I love the way you said kind of that embodying it.

Right?

Because I think a lot of us feel like we have compassion for others, or we maybe

even have some compassion for ourselves, but embodying compassion is different.

Right.

It's and so if you were to describe what it feels like versus like the concept of

compassion, what, what would you say in being embodied in compassion feels.

That's a great question.

It, it just feels like space

Mm.

internal space to live, live your life, align to your values,

like, and, and, and also importantly, when

you are not aligned to your values or you are hooked by something that you can

more easily navigate back to yourself.

because I feel like I've wasted, like in, in so much time judging myself.

So fiercely about every little mistake and, and a hyper vigilance

for any possible mistake.

And in a way, the more that I learned, the more mistakes I

could see that I was making.

Whereas compassion just allows me to see that.

I've got strengths, I've got development areas.

So does everyone else, like there's no one perfect.

And that if I turn towards myself in those moments of suffering with compassion,

I can, I can learn from those mistakes.

I can just much more easily be present with, with who I'm

with and myself and with life.

So, yeah, it's just been amazing experience.

I think that is so important and so beautiful.

And when he said it, when you had that kind of.

, you know, explanation.

What I really heard was like, it's almost the absence of pressure.

I When you said space, what I felt was like, Ooh, I've never kind of

connected that dots, but self-compassion is like the absence of pressure.

It is the absence of pressure.

And I tell you what I have lived my life in a self-imposed pressure cooker.

Absolutely everything that I have done has come with pressure like motherhood.

I needed to be the best mother.

And then I was hyper vigilantly assessing myself about how crap I

was and all, every single thing that I've done has had so much pressure.

And this year has been the first year.

I was just talking to my mentor actually at Stanford.

And I was saying that this year has just been a new.

A complete paradigm shift in how I work, which is from joy and space and love,

which I know sounds so corny, but it's the absence of pressure and I have never,

ever done work without pressure so it is just, it means that I just feel

like I'm more connected to my heart.

And rather than just being constantly fueled by anxiety really?

Yeah, I love that.

So beautiful.

Thanks for sharing that.

I think it's really given me kind of a new feeling sense of what that feels like.

Right.

Because we're so conditioned with pressure, right.

Yes.

Yes.

Beautiful.

So that gives us a little story of your, you know, kind of

your career and your history.

What would you say?

I mean, you know, in, and you don't have to have a concrete answer for this.

Cause I think it's, we're always under development of this question and we're

always kind of exploring and we have different seasons of it as well, but, you

know, what would you say is your life's work or maybe like a core tenant of

sort of what you are here to give or do?

Tell us a little bit about that.

Yeah.

So when you spoke to me about this podcast, I just felt a whole body

resonance with it because what this podcast is about is really what my work

is, is so perfectly aligned because I think I've been, you know, I've been

a self-help junkie my whole life and.

Trying to do all the things and look for the silver bullets and everything, you

know, really putting a lot of striving into fixing myself and finding the

solution and all of that kind of thing.

And where I'm, where I'm at now is that it's really uncovering

and coming back home to ourselves.

And so that, I, I really feel like, you know, it's maybe not a concrete answer.

Creating the conditions either through one on ones or intimate group kind of

scenarios or through card deck, or, you know, there's lots of creative

modalities, I guess, that I engage in, but really at the core of it, it is

about coming home to ourselves and to our true nature and, and really um, looking

at what are the coverings that we need to remove to be able to access that.

And.

I guess one of the things that I really love is holding space, holding

space in groups and individually for.

People to be able to access that, you know, be able to access their true

nature and also be able to create more self knowledge and wisdom and embodiment

around what are the, the barriers as well.

And there's a beautiful Rumi quote that says it's not my purpose to seek love.

It's to see the patterns, barriers, and beliefs that stop love from flowing in.

And I feel like that is my journey.

And it's also my purpose to like, they're actually very interconnected.

And I think because I've experienced so much self criticism and shame, and

I know that what, what life is like when that is, is your sort of reality.

And.

So I've got a special interest in that I guess, and, and special interests,

particularly for sensitive women that have that kind of punishing energy that

they're having to experience, because I think that that's a whole whole thing

in, in itself to build that compassion and space to be able to come home.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I mean, you know, this is exactly why I thought you'd be such a, a

beautiful piece of this podcast, because I know that you are living.

This, this practice, right?

Cause it's a practice, it's a constant practice.

And you know, I know that you're really embodying it and living it

and playing with it and experiencing it and struggling with it and like,

you know, and, and I think that's.

That's the benefit.

All of us are kind of bringing to this podcast is we don't have all the answers,

but we're actively working with this.

We're actively reclaiming pieces of ourselves.

We're actively helping other people reclaim pieces of themselves.

And it's this crazy journey that we can share.

Yes, absolutely.

And it's, yeah, it's not perfect.

It's not linear, you know, it's messy and complex and,

and also just so worth it too.

Oh, so worth it.

I would not trade a single experience that I've had in my life.

All the tragedy, all the challenge, all of it has brought me to who

I am to the insights I've had.

And, you know, I think, yeah, I wouldn't trade any of it, you know?

All right.

So love hearing a little bit about your purpose and life's work.

I think that's so beautiful and, you know, it gives us kind of this

insight into why you're here and you know what we're gonna talk about.

so maybe tell us a little bit about that.

What, what are you gonna talk about this season?

What do you wanna bring to the table this season?

Because I wanna give people a little teaser of what, of

what we're gonna be exploring.

Yes.

Yes.

Love to.

So grounded spirituality is one of the, one of the topics and.

I'm really excited about this one because I think there's, there's so

many people that are really seeking more inner connection and even

connection to something bigger than themselves, but don't necessarily.

Know where to start or, you know, maybe they've got a little bit of

cynicism, which I definitely have had in my journey as well around

spirituality and that sort of thing.

So what I'd really love to talk about in, in grounded spirituality is how.

How spirituality and the, and, you know, the context of spirituality

can be really a beautiful container for us to reclaim ourselves.

So talking about, you know, building skills around mindful awareness and

compassion, and also understanding who we are, and what's important to us and taking

steps towards values aligned action.

And building our own wisdom.

I think that those sort of four ingredients can really go a long

way for us to be able to reclaim ourselves and live a really rich

and fulfilling meaningful life.

So that's that's that episode?

Yeah.

And what I love about it too, is that we're gonna kind of unpack and

explore what spirituality means, right?

Like there's, it's this word we throw out and lots of people say it and,

you know, but, but what does it mean?

Like, and then to be grounded in it, what does that mean?

Like, I think it's gonna be really fun to kind of

explore a different perspective around that and unpack that.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I think because I've got the science background and slightly cynical, I

think that that's part of what I can bring to that conversation, I think.

Um, Yeah, so that's so that's that one.

And then there's a self abandonment one which, you know, I know what this is

like and I think it's probably been my biggest uncovering and continually.

My biggest uncovering.

And so I'd really, I, I really feel like this is one of the biggest

barriers to reclaiming ourselves is the ways That we do abandon ourselves.

And, and that's from a, like, I I'm re interested to talk about it from

a biological, psychological, social, spiritual lens, because I think there's

a number of factors that play into that.

It's a complex kind of undertaking that I'm just, I I'm so embodied

in what that feels like to abandon.

Help and, and yeah, so I'm really excited to sort of look at that and

obviously self criticism and shame will be a big part of that conversation

Yes.

and people pleasing and all of that kind of

Mm-hmm

And then the final is forgetting and remembering.

And this is, I think this will be really fun because I, I feel like as

a seeker I have just been looking for the silver bullet, as I mentioned

earlier, to just be blist out and spacious, constantly and full of

gratitude and all of that that I've.

What a just nonlinear journey awakening is and becoming more conscious is, and it is

really that contraction and expansion for getting and remembering and just putting

a little, putting some more words and awareness around that, because I think

that there's not a lot talked about.

In, in the personal development, spiritual development journey about that.

And I think that that creates a lot of shame for people because as they become

more aware, they're, they're also more aware of all the ways that they're

mindless and disconnected and all of that.

And so that in itself can be a real barrier.

The ways that we judge ourselves on how we're progressing in the

spiritual development journey or personal development journey.

Yeah.

And I think until you've had.

A lot of, you know, kinda like you were talking about earlier until you've like,

had a lot of, kind of these cycles, right.

Cycles of you know, growth and darkness and light and like, you know, it takes a

while to recognize, oh, this is normal.

This is like, this is the way,

this is the path

yes.

Like otherwise yeah, you, you think, oh, you get this inside.

And you're like, Ooh, that's.

Yeah.

Right?

Like you, you feel you're like I'm worthy now.

And then all of a sudden, a little while later, I love the way you described

it earlier, where you said, you know, you get hooked then you forget, you

forget, wait, you forget, you're worthy.

You forget that.

You're strong.

You forget that.

It's okay to make mistakes.

You forget.

It's like, and then you have to go through this whole process of

remembering, and then you forget again.

Yes.

And then I think when you forget and you become more aware,

there's a certain amount of panic.

That happens.

Like, am I never gonna be advocate?

And, and also like, I've tried every trick to get back to remembering.

like

just the good kind of striver that I am.

And actually it's, as soon as you give up, then that's when that happens.

So

I know, right?

It's like, no matter how much will you use, no matter how much

brain and power use, how much you calculate, how much you plan.

It's like, yeah.

It's when you finally just don't care anymore about achieving it.

Don't don't seek it.

Don't look for it.

It's like, then it's right there.

Uh, You wouldn't believe the lavish illustrations and mind maps.

I've done to remember.

just thinking that it's an intellectual exercise,

I love it.

I love it.

It's gonna be, so it's gonna be so good to

unpack that and talk about,

I think how the mind gets in the way, right?

Like, you know, in what ways, where we bring on all these beautiful

mind powers, like I, I'm not one to dismiss the power of the mind and

its place and things, you know, just like our ego, our ego has a place.

It's not a bad thing, but it's like when we, when we let that rule, you

know, Just it, it operates in an area.

It does not belong.

Yes, absolutely.

Absolutely.

okay.

Well, that's beautiful.

And I'm so excited.

I'm really thankful.

You're here.

I'm super excited for the journey we're gonna have and I've been

loving kind of ending these.

You know, meet the cohost episodes with a little bit of a rapid fire question time.

So, so, you know, we're gonna, we took it down deep and now we're gonna

bring it up a little bit into the lighter realm, but, you know, tell us

a little bit about your favorite books.

Now, I know this is gonna be hard for you

gosh.

but maybe just a few of your favorite

of the thousand books.

I've read

okay.

So how many can I choose?

I don't know, like four or five is fine.

okay, so belonging here by Judith Blackstone, which I think

the subline for that is something like.

Something about being spiritually sensitive.

I'm like, yep.

Sign me out.

That is me.

And when I read this book, I just thought.

That it just felt so validating to ha to be that someone

has written a book about you

And so that kind of blew up that I'm, I'm crazy kind of, that was the start of just

blowing, blowing up some of those beliefs.

And I really think books are so powerful in being able to really shift things.

And then, oh, I've recently read a book this year called the

extraordinary power of being ordinary.

Hmm.

I think that a lot of people would never pick up that book

because like, it's so countercultural, like you've gotta just do all this

stuff and be famous and all of that.

And this book again, I just felt totally seen.

And just really it just helped me to become really grounded in what my purpose

is, because I think I was just under the belief or, or illusion, or just signed

up to cultural messaging that I needed to do something really big in the world.

I needed to change the world and all of that.

And like that as a sensitive person was just like, oh my

God, that just seems too hard.

And how am I gonna be able to do that?

So this just feel, I just feel so grounded in actually just living an ordinary life.

If I can just be present and loving as much as possible, then that's

really more meaningful than, you know, having some kind of successful,

you know, inverted commas business.

That, that feels more meaningful to me.

Yeah.

probably the other book.

That has really changed me as well is called motherhood facing and

finding ourselves by Lisa Marano.

And it's a deep book.

Um, it's by Yian analyst.

And so it's just really deep look at motherhood and.

The illusions of motherhood and the places that we go to in motherhood,

including all of those seemingly socially unacceptable thoughts and

behaviors that we engage in because motherhood pushes us to our limits.

So it just uncovers a lot of those illusions and it was

very, very healing for me to.

To read that book.

So there, there there's a, a few of the

many books that I

like, I'm gonna go out.

I'm just gonna, like, every, everybody I've asked, I'm like,

Ooh, I'm just gonna write down their

add it to your wish list.

Add it to my wishlist.

I love it.

Add it to my day in bed when I wanna read all

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Awesome.

So how about favorite music?

Favorite music.

Oh, well, I'm, I'm pretty stuck in the eighties and nineties but, but I got,

I got a notification from Spotify about a year ago to say that I was in the top

1% of listeners for dear Evan Hansen, soundtrack , which is , which I think that

maybe that might be my favorite album.

If Spotify is recognizing me.

And that cuz it was just like, I went with my best friends to New

York for our 40th and we went and saw this musical, dear Evan Hansen.

And I have never been so moved by any experience than watching that.

And I maybe cuz I wasn't sure what to expect, but I would, there was a lot

of ugly crying that was happening, but not just for me, the whole audience.

And so the music just really moves me.

So.

Oh, I love it.

So beautiful.

Okay.

Awesome.

And then how about favorite TV shows?

Oh, shit's Creek.

yeah,

Oh, I just love every single character.

It is just so amazing.

Like I, Ben and I watched the first few episodes and, and really didn't like it.

And then won all these awards.

And so we thought, oh, we should give it another go.

And I've watched the whole, the whole series, maybe three or four times.

It's just so heartwarming and just, yeah, the characters are just amazing.

Okay, cuz I'll have, maybe have to give it another try.

Cuz I did that as well, where I

Yeah.

or two and I was like, mm nah,

have to get through the first season and then your gold.

It's just solid gold after that

I love that.

It's beautiful.

Okay.

foods?

favorite feeds.

Well, I would've said Italian, but I am so sick of Italian food and well, Mexican,

I do love Mexican and I love Chi as well.

So yeah, lots of, lots of different foods.

my three favorites.

Do.

Okay.

Last question.

Last Robert fire question.

Favorite indulgence.

Favorite indulgence?

Well, going on retreat.

It's probably, I

just love it.

Like I love, especially now that I've done a lot of sort of inner work and

kind of can see things a bit more clearly having, having retreat solitude is just

like the most delicious thing ever.

Like I went to the blue mountains a couple of months ago on a writing retreat

for these compassion cards on my own.

And it was just like, Best thing

Oh, my gosh.

I would like, oh, I can just only imagine.

I mean, this it's the, it's the solitude, right?

It's the

space.

Yes.

And that's what I need.

Cause I think I I'm quite outgoing and love people and all that sort of thing.

So I just have realized I need to have that solitude as well,

to be able to refill, to be able to be that person as well.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

Thank you so much for all that you've shared with us today.

And I mean, anything you'd like to share with the audience and the listeners or

any final thoughts you have before we kind of wrap up this wonderful episode.

I'm just, yeah, I'm really excited.

And I think, you know, actually even saying yes to this podcast

has been a personal development journey for me because all of the

stuff comes up, you know, all the unworthy stories, imposter syndrome,

and all of that all comes up and.

I realized that every, that may always be with me, but just taking one step

in front, you know, in front of the other has just been really useful.

And so, yeah, I really, I'm just so excited to be part of this journey

with you and the other beautiful women and yeah, it's just gonna be amazing.

It truly is.

All right.

Thank you so much, Belinda, for being here.

Thank you to all the listeners for being here and we will see you next week.

I hope you enjoyed the show.

If you wanna learn more about this topic, head over to Belinda ha.com.

You can sign up for my newsletter to be the first to find out about my

classes and events have an amazing day, and we'll see you next time.