Did you know that you can learn to trust yourself just like you would trust someone else? In fact, I highly recommend you DO learn to do this.

As a wannabe entrepreneur, you're going to begin asking yourself to do some really hard, uncomfortable and unfamiliar things. If you don't trust that you'll follow through on your word or that you'll finish a project you've taken on, why would you want to go into business with yourself?

Let's explore this topic more and learn about the 3 ways to develop trust with ourselves.

Listen here to the Outnumbered episode I refer to about Grace vs Excuse.

Check out Bonnie Christine here.

Download the free business starter guide here

Schedule a free coaching call with me here

Welcome back my friends.

This is episode four of burning brightly.

And today I want to introduce you to the idea.

Of learning to trust yourself as you would trust.

Someone else that you respect and admire.

It's kind of a unique thought, right?

Now in life coaching, we use this perspective.

Of being a neutral third party quite often.

We use it to examine our thoughts, to examine our motivations.

And to figure out why and how we're creating the life that we currently have.

So this concept of trusting yourself will also require a similar perspective, right?

It will require you to step outside of yourself and kind of view yourself.

As another person would.

So here is my question.

Do you trust you?

When you make a promise to yourself, do you follow through with it?

When your needs and wants are not being met, do you allow that.

Do they regularly get steamrolled or do you stand up for them?

Do you honor your own values and standards, and what's important to you.

Very interesting concept.

Okay.

So let me share a story with you.

When I was in college.

I felt like I struggled a lot with self-discipline.

At least that's how I labeled it in my mind.

I would make goals.

I would make plans and I would very rarely follow through with them.

And so I remember regularly praying for more self-discipline

I thought if I could just.

I get a handle on myself, life would be so much easier.

So a few things that I struggled with were eating better.

Exercising.

You know, you're in college, not a lot of time.

So I wanted those two things to just kind of magically appear into my life.

I wanted to eliminate more entertainment and social gatherings and spend more

time on my school work, I wanted to spend more time in the scriptures, all

these great goals that I had for myself.

I couldn't seem to gain traction.

I honestly, hadn't now I realize I hadn't yet learned how to trust myself.

And so frankly, I gave up on myself a lot.

And I'm realizing now that part of this was because I hadn't

yet fully realized my worth.

And I hadn't fully understood that I was deserving of good treatment that yes, I

should be making goals for myself, but I should also be having grace for myself.

And acknowledging, okay, there's something going wrong here.

What's happening.

How can I help myself?

In fact, I very often let myself and others mistreat me.

Not in any serious ways, but in ways that didn't sit well

with me, but I just allowed it because I didn't know any better.

And so my brain was like, you know what?

You're not very trustworthy.

I think my brain knew that I was not yet in a place where I could fully

protect myself the way I needed to.

So I'm explaining this a little bit better.

First, I would ask you this.

Who in your life do you already trust?

Is there someone that you think is really, really trustworthy?

Maybe it is a friend who never, ever shares confidences.

You know, you can go to this person and tell her all your hopes and dreams and

scary thoughts and problems, and she will never share it with anyone else.

Maybe it is a church leader who has perfect integrity.

Everything you see him do is perfectly in alignment with his beliefs.

And you so honor that.

Or maybe it's a family member who just always openly and unconditionally

loves you and everyone around you.

I've known people.

Of all walks of life, who could be described in these ways.

And it's just so beautiful to be able to trust someone with your whole heart, And

know that they will honor you and who you are and love you unconditionally.

So that's what we want to try to create for ourselves.

It's pretty powerful.

Now, if you thought about this person or a handful of people that you trust

really innately, I would suggest that you make a list of the traits or

characteristics that these people have and that you associate with trustworthy

worthiness, and then take a look at it.

Do you have these traits?

Maybe you admire them because there are things that you struggle with.

Or maybe there are things that you would like to see yourself reflecting.

In your own life.

So this is a really great place to start.

Who do you trust?

Why.

And what are the traits that make them trustworthy and how can you

incorporate them into your life?

All right.

So in this episode, we're going to break down, trusting

ourselves into three main areas.

The first one is honoring our commitments to ourself.

So I would say that one of the main traits that I consider to

be trustworthy is follow through.

If I ask someone to do something for me and they follow through with it.

I know that they're trustworthy.

That is what we need to work on with ourselves.

if you have a problem with this, you might want to look at it in one of two ways.

Do you tend to over-commit to yourself?

Like give yourself a list of five or six massive goals you

want to work on at the same time.

And it's a little bit too much.

Or do you underperform?

Maybe your goals are reasonable, but you just can't seem to measure up to them.

Ask yourself, these questions and then ask yourself why.

Why do you chronically overcome it?

Do you think that you are capable of more than you are you think

you have more time than you do?

Or why do you chronically underperform?

Do you not believe that you can do it?

is your motivation not in the right place?

So this is something important to look at.

Now I noticed that moms.

In particular.

Tend to be really gung-ho about their goals and their dreams,

especially the overachievers.

Right.

But then very often unrealistic and their understanding of

what they are truly capable of.

So.

If you have a bunch of babies at home and you have a goal to run a marathon.

There's going to be some sacrifices that you're gonna need to make.

And you're going to need to be really realistic of what you're willing to

put into this goal without dropping other priorities that are just

as important or more important.

If I have a baby that needs to wake up to nurse at five o'clock in the morning,

and I also need to train for a marathon at that time, something has to give

We're going to have to figure that out.

So.

Do yourself a favor of looking ahead to your goals and your dreams and

deciding what you are capable of.

However, Do not let yourself off the hook too easy,

so this is a balance, just like anything else, right?

Make sure that you are setting realistic goals, but also don't hold yourself back.

If you know, you can push yourself farther, do it, try it.

And if it ends up being too much, you can scale back from there.

So just kind of a give and take of figuring out what you're capable of.

Now when you're starting something new, like a brand new podcast or a

new hobby or a creation that you're working on, this is very common.

Generally because you don't know what you're capable of yet.

Let's say you want to become a muralist.

And so your goal for your time for yourself is to get some painting

practice in, but you don't know how long that's going to take.

You don't know how long you want to dedicate to it.

You don't know how often you're going to want to do it.

Maybe you're going to have that.

Desire to be creative every afternoon at 3:00 PM, or maybe your creativity comes

in longer spurts, and you really only want to do it on Saturday afternoons.

So just play around with it.

Don't be too strict on yourself, but do hold yourself accountable for the

things that you've asked yourself to do,

until you truly know what you're capable of and what to expect.

It will be a little bit of trial and error.

This comes up a lot for me in my business.

Actually, very often I will schedule something in my calendar and give myself

a half an hour or an hour to do it.

And the next thing I know it's taking way longer generally, because it's a new

project that I've never worked on before.

Now.

We can also fall into the habit of letting things take longer

than they should, because.

We're just working slowly or we're kind of buffering with this activity.

So watch out for that.

But until you're used to the activity, the new activity that you're working on this

business or creative hobby or whatever.

Give yourself grace to be wrong about how much time and

effort is going to be required.

Now I have a great episode for you to refer to.

In regards to this concept, it's called a grace versus excuse and

it's over on outnumber the podcast.

My other podcast that I share with my cohost Audrey.

And this is a great episode because Audrey and I were noticing that.

For those of us who are busy moms, we have a lot of goals and dreams.

And so we'll create one for ourselves.

And then when we don't immediately succeed at it, we'll beat ourselves up.

Or we'll make excuses for not doing it correctly.

Even after committing to ourselves.

So it's this balance, right?

I'll give you the example of starting this podcast.

I had been thinking about it for a while.

I had been writing down some ideas and I just had not taken any action towards it.

Finally, I went on a trip and had a lot of downtime to think on my plane ride.

Like I mentioned in the other.

The previous episode.

And I did some big picture thinking.

And when I came home, I just said, I'm just going to start.

There's no more thinking.

There's no more brainstorming.

There's no more planning.

I didn't know where I wanted to host it.

I didn't know what software I wanted to use to edit it with.

I was going to change some things up from how I do.

Things with my outnumbered podcasts.

And I just chose to start.

So that balance of giving yourself grace, but not allowing yourself to

make excuses is really, really powerful.

Be honest with yourself.

What commitments have you made to yourself That you have fallen behind

on and you want to do better on and then go out there and do it.

Now, if you are in the process of starting a business, a great way to begin is to

make one goal for yourself, Just one.

It can be a big goal, but just start with one thing.

And then just determine, how am I going to use this goal to

share my talents with the world.

Now I'm a big fan of Bonnie, Christine.

She is a surface pattern designer and a course creator.

She's amazing.

Go look her up.

But she very often tells her students to just start doing one thing each day.

And I think that's such a powerful bit of advice.

Just one thing, just one thing towards your goal of starting a business.

I like to do this by carving out the time first, because if I tell myself

I just have to do one thing today and I don't actually carve out the

time that it's going to be 10:00 PM.

I'll be exhausted and think, oh, I didn't do it again.

And I'm too tired now.

And then come all the excuses, right.

So I will car out.

2030 minutes for myself and say, that's what I'm going to do.

My one thing.

And frankly, I think carving out the time is way more important

than knowing what you want to do.

Because when the time comes, then you have already carved it out

and you can sit down and decide.

Now, planning ahead is also very useful, but at the beginning, just start

somewhere And starting with carving out this time is really, really helpful.

So maybe at one o'clock every afternoon.

That's when you're going to sit down at your computer and you're going

to start Googling how to create a podcast, how to write a blog, how

to, edit a YouTube video or whatever it is that you're thinking about.

Putting out into the world.

But start with that time being carved out

and honor that commitment to yourself and then show your

family how to honor it as well.

They will not honor our commitments to ourselves unless we do that first.

How many times your kids come up to you in the bathroom and start banging on the

door because they need something from you.

But I don't think you well, I hope you don't often open the

door and help them with the thing when it's something that can wait.

I hope you honor that time.

At the very least we deserve some private bathroom time.

Just a few minutes, unless there's blood.

So do the same for yourself in building this new chapter of your life.

Okay.

The second way we can learn to trust ourselves is to respect our own.

Boundaries boundaries are kind of a hot button topic these days.

Everybody likes to talk about them, but they are incredibly powerful.

So let me ask you this.

Would you respect or trust someone who regularly came

into your house unannounced?

Walked into your bedroom and started using your makeup.

No, you would be grossed out and horrified unless it was

maybe your sister or something.

You have a relationship like that with your best friend.

I don't know.

No.

Or your toothbrush gross.

Stay out of my space, right?

That is a boundary you have for the people in your life.

You knock on my door, you asked to come in, maybe they

need to borrow some mascara.

Great.

But they ask, and then I decide whether I'm comfortable with that.

What boundaries do you have in your life that you are.

Consistently allowing people to trample.

This is a hard question.

A few ideas that I like to share with moms who maybe haven't fully embraced.

This idea of boundaries are basic self care.

Are you taking time to go to the bathroom by yourself?

Are you taking time to shower by yourself?

Again, if you're a mom of little kids, we do the best we can.

But you have the right to ask someone to not touch you.

If it's a three-year-old you might have to say, oh, it's quiet time right now.

You're going to have quiet time in your room.

And I'm gonna have quiet time in mommy's room because mommy needs

to not be touched right now.

Do you need time alone?

Do you need time with friends?

would you like a space in your home to be off limits to children?

Did you know that's allowed.

You can say, kids are not allowed in your bathroom.

You might have to install some locks.

You know, I had a friend that I really admired growing up whose mom did not

allow her children in the front room.

That's where all her breakables were.

She had really pretty breakable collections, some pottery and things,

and the kids were not allowed in there.

And if they ever ran in, there was a consequence.

So I'm just saying, ask yourself what you need and create the boundaries around that

I see mom's a faith struggle with this.

A lot.

But you need to think of the boundaries in your life, almost like

you would offense around your house.

So, do you think that having a fence is mean to your neighbors?

Do you think that's disrespectful?

No, of course not.

Offense is useful, right?

It just delineates.

What is theirs and what is yours?

It keeps your wild dog in side your yard and it keeps their kids out of your yard.

It allows both people privacy.

Right?

You can go outside and your swimsuit and your neighbors

probably won't be peering at you.

Hopefully.

And it fosters love and respect for the people that you share.

A little bit of land with Those fences, those boundaries are really important.

Now here's a pro tip about boundaries.

If you are feeling resentment in any area of your life,

especially towards another person.

It probably means that you are allowing a boundary to be crossed.

And let me plead of you do not do this in the name of Christianity.

It is not self sacrificing and Christ-like to let people walk all over you.

It is just not, it is the opposite of that.

What it is.

Is it saves us from the discomfort of creating and maintaining that

boundary because that is uncomfortable.

Sometimes.

Have you ever had someone in your life who just walked in on announced at your house?

You probably at some point had to say, Hey, you know what?

I'm really uncomfortable with the fact that you just walk into my

house on announced, this is my space.

I'd really appreciate it.

If you'd knock on the door, have you ever had a conversation like that?

They can be uncomfortable.

So ask yourself if you're feeling resentment, is it because

you do not have the courage?

To stand up and say, this is a boundary of mine, and I'm going

to ask you not to cross it.

When we try to save ourselves the discomfort from creating a maintaining

these boundaries, it will backfire, We think we're doing something loving

by allowing someone to do something they want, even if we don't love it.

But in the end, it brings up resentment.

It brings up frustration.

It brings up really nasty feelings towards this person because our

boundaries are getting trampled on.

So.

Trust yourself to hold your boundaries And to maintain the separation you

need between yourself and other people.

Okay.

Now number three, the third way to learn to trust yourself.

Is by honoring your deeply held values and beliefs.

There was a time in my youth when I didn't always trust how I

would act around certain people.

I had certain groups of friends who did not act in keeping

with my values and beliefs.

And so I learned quickly that very often I was tempted to act like

they acted when I was around them.

And I was really disappointed in myself.

It was hard for me to act with integrity because of these temptations.

And then I beat myself up for it.

So here's my question for you now.

Are there areas in your life where you're not feeling like

a loyal follower of Christ.

Is there an area where you would like to stand up for your values and beliefs?

But you're feeling a little bit.

Self-conscious about it a little bit nervous.

Maybe you struggle with gossip, that's a hard one or bad language,

or maybe the media you consume.

You don't love.

Or maybe there's other behaviors that cause you guilt because you

know, they're not in keeping with the beliefs that you hold dear.

First of all, we always acknowledge that we're human.

And that mistakes are a part of the game.

Nothing has gone wrong here.

We're all supposed to make mistakes.

We are.

But we're not supposed to justify them.

Once we acknowledge that it's a mistake or sin, we own up to it.

We take accountability and we ask ourselves what is happening here?

Why am I struggling with this?

How can I be better?

I firmly believe that having integrity, which means our

behavior lines up with our beliefs.

Is the number one way to foster trust with ourselves and with others.

In fact, what I've noticed is that the people I trust the most are the ones

whose behavior is the most predictable.

I always know how they're going to act, what they're going to say,

you know, to a certain extent.

Because it's always in alignment with their beliefs.

How powerful is that?

What if every time someone came to tell you something that was important

to them, they knew how you would act.

They knew that you would trust their confidence.

They knew that you would answer with empathy and concern, and they knew that

you would love them unconditionally.

What, if you could do that for yourself?

Pretty amazing.

Now this step is actually similar to step number one, that of honoring commitments

to ourselves, except here we're honoring the commitments we've made to God.

We need to own up to our mistakes.

Apologize for them were necessary.

And men commit to shining brightly for everyone to see.

It's not perfection that we're after it's constant improvement and people

who are watching us will notice when we make mistakes that we own up to them.

Friends.

I just have to say that I trust you if you're here and you're listening to this

and you want to build something amazing Because you're feeling called to do so.

I trust you to do that.

This is some hard stuff, but it is worthwhile developing that

integrity, developing that trust for ourselves and knowing that

when we commit, we will show up.

I know that I personally would never go into business with a

partner that I didn't trust.

So give yourself the gift of a business partner who is trustworthy.

One who honors their commitments, who respects boundaries.

And who stands up for their beliefs.

In other words, you all right, friends, I'll talk to you next week.