Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode, Robb and Tina explore the multifaceted nature of forgiveness, discussing its importance in personal relationships, family dynamics, and self-reflection. They share personal stories and insights on how forgiveness can lead to healing and growth, while also acknowledging the complexities that come with it. The conversation emphasizes the need for communication and grace in relationships, especially as we navigate the challenges of life and loss.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. How you doing Tina? you know, little this little that. Yeah,

I'm hanging in there, Rob. How you doing?

I hear you on that. I took a day off today. I mean, I'm always off on Mondays when recording on Monday. But I was on a 12 hour ride on the bike yesterday and I am spent. But God, was that fun? froze my ass off a little bit, got a little too warm, you know, went back and forth with with different weather. It was cool. It was a good ride.

Yikes. Nice, nice. That's, can't complain too much. mean, that is a hell of a ride though. 12 hours.

Yeah, we went to San Luis Obispo, Pismo, Solvang, Fillmore.

so you okay, so you came back that direction and went inward. Mm hmm. It's like a bum fuck road.

Yeah, well, we went out the five and then we cut across. There was this road that we took and I can't remember the number 58 or something like that, but it.

Yeah, but it's so beautiful and it's 70. don't I saw 72 miles but then somebody else said it was 82 miles that you ride without any there's no gas station. There's no help. It's like just dead area most beautiful place I'd ever been to nothing but farms and open land and beautiful skies and scenery. So I took a bunch of pictures while I was out there.

Yeah, the. Yeah, I took that road.

years ago to go do a service call during the fires because it was the only way to get Out to where I needed to go. Yeah, pretty wild Pretty wild so this week we are going to talk forgiveness, right? Basically to forgive or not to forgive that is the question. I think that that's

Get past him.

Yeah.

Okay.

That is the question.

You know, and look, I think we need to go down the road of, you know, what's involved in that. Why to or why not to, obviously based on whatever is happening or has happened. So how do we start this? I will tell you, you know, let's go with the morality part first.

Mm-hmm.

The morality part and the good Christian part is forgive everybody, right? Based around forgiveness is what we're supposed to do, right? We're supposed to forgive people because, heaven forbid, we are all human beings. No. Correct. So...

Right and nobody is meant to be perfect. We're not put on this earth to be perfect. So you have to show a little bit of grace.

I think, you if we start there and obviously, forgiveness is what we should all do. I kind of want to throw that out there. But that being said, there, look, there's obviously things that people do to each other that are kind of unforgivable, right? I think you'd have to kind of dig deep into that. Like, obviously, like,

Mm-hmm.

We've talked about it a bunch of times like cheating I think cheating's a Cheating is one of those things where like I wouldn't forgive but I also wouldn't I wouldn't Well, I wouldn't forget but I mean, I I don't think I would I would just let things go right it's I Wouldn't forgive them for because I think that that's just a shitty thing because I think you're better off just Saying

And you wouldn't forget.

like I'd want out of this before you get to that part. So, and those are like things that are so, you know, that keep human beings together, right? If you're in that kind of relationship, once you, you know, show you can't be trusted, it's hard to forgive somebody. It's like stealing money from you, right? I think there's, there's, mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I've been I've been cheated on several times and I have forgiven that but It doesn't mean you're gonna go back to life being the same way it was. I mean it can't be because it's funny because a few times that I've been cheated on they come back and they want to apologize and I was like why did I have to know this like if If this was something just for you and I didn't have to be a part of it and I wasn't doing anything wrong I would have

Right. .

chose ignorance, you know, because it wouldn't affect me, right? It wouldn't affect me in any way. But once I found out and my feelings for them changed, I couldn't get it back. There was no getting it back.

Correct. But you did forgive. See, I think that shows a lot about who you are. I mean,

I did.

Well, you know what I look at what I could have done better. You know, if I normally when cheating occurs, it's because something something has happened that that

So, you know, whoever's cheating just felt feels like they're not having their needs met or something's going on. And I could look at a situation and say, well, yeah, I didn't do that perfectly, or I could have done that better. It doesn't mean that I'd want them back. Maybe it does. You know, it just depends on where I'm at with things. But but I try to forgive just because I know that everybody needs a little grace in their life from time to time and not. You know, there's there's not a good reason.

not to forgive and there's not a good reason not to or to give to or not to yeah but that again that doesn't mean that i want to go running back and and live as if it never happened because that you can't do it hurts your heart too much

Right. Right.

Correct. Yeah, I think that there's something to that. I guess maybe because the times that I know that I've been cheated on, it's way, way, way, way, way later. So like, I think I guess in one case, I would say I forgave it because I thought it was my fault.

Yeah.

or I had something to do with it, where the other, I mean, look, we all have something to do with that, I guess, if you're really kind of putting to that. But I just think that I've never really had it happen live, you know what I mean? Like where I had to go to the person, like very, very close to when it happened. So I may forgive them long run.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right.

I just don't know if I could forgive them short term. I guess is the better way of putting it. Yeah, I've seen like feelings are a very like we all have very, very deep feelings. Very deep though for for whatever. I'll give you an example.

Hmm Well, that's that's a little bit harder because when the feelings are raw It's kind of hard to To go that route for sure

Feelings, yes.

My oldest daughter and her mom had issues. The best way of putting it. They had a differences of agreements on a lot of things and I'm talking from when she was young to when she was married and had a child. Okay, so it was like she went to the military.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

a lifetime.

It was not a lifetime, but it was a lot of years. It was like from let's say 16, 15 to like, you know, 30 something that they had issues with each other. They were just different people. but there was a, I don't, I don't want to say I know the whole story, but I know something that happened that was one got my daughter got mad because

Yeah.

Her mom never came to visit out of state and she was close several times where she could have but didn't because She was doing something with her husband's family Okay, and look I can understand being hurt and whatever that is and I think that that was fair They didn't talk to each other. I Would say at least three or four years

Mmm.

I mean, and I'm talking zero communication, none. And then I remember talking to both of them, because I still have a relationship with my daughters, my stepdaughters. So I remember talking to her and I said, look, you know, you should probably reach out. And of course, she said no.

And then I had talked to her mom because of course my son was much younger. So I was talking to his mom all the time. And I said the same to her. You should probably reach out. And she said, no, I'm not going to do that. So both of them were doing the exact same thing. Would not reach out to each other. So I had the bright idea because, you know, some people don't want to start with a talk.

Mm-hmm.

It's just not a good idea because people explode, right? Something is said and then it goes sideways and you can't you can't get back on the road because people are just pissed off at each other like any good argument that happens all the time. So I told my ex-wife I said, look, maybe you should write her a letter because if you write her, you know, it's days to get there.

Ready?

Great.

She has to read it. You know, it'll soak in a little bit, whatever. it'll. It won't be as like punch you in the face of just calling somebody. Because people don't know how to handle, you know, seeing a phone call out of nowhere with a number that you haven't talked to in quite a while. And I told my daughter to do the same. I said, you should probably write her a letter like probably a idea.

My ex-wife ended up writing one. It got to my daughter. My daughter ended up writing one to her as well. And they started talking. They called, I don't, I can't tell you who called each other because I don't know. But they reached out to each other. They were received. you know, look, I think there was, I mean, that's a lot of years and a lot of pent up shit.

So both letters were received well.

Hehehehe

Mm-hmm.

So they were received, but they were received good enough to put an olive branch out. Which I thought, hey, this is awesome because at the time my daughter had a very young child. Right? And I kind of said that to my ex-wife. said, you know, you understand that you're a grandma and that's your grandkid. Do you want to see him?

Right.

Hmm.

Right?

Because if you don't, it's a good way of fucking it up. Which is kind of a funny thing because there's kind of a side story with my mom and my son that I'll get to in a second. So anyway, they basically ended up starting to talk to each other. My ex-wife visited. They stay in contact with each other. Do they have the greatest relationship in the world? No, they don't. But they have a relationship, which I think is

Mm-hmm.

positive. I'll give you an example with me that kind of kind of the same thing that happened with me. My mom did not like the name that we were going to name my son. I think I told this story before on the pod, but she just wasn't having it and my brother didn't help it because he said something about the name to my mom and it just got out of control.

Hmm, you did.

My mom ended up sending me a baby book or like a book that I had as a child, but a new version of it with the name that she liked in it. And my ex wife lost her shit. And it's my name. It was my name. She wanted me to name him Rob. Well, yeah, or after my dad, because we're I'm not a junior, but I'm named after my father.

What was the name?

how funny. After you. Okay.

Right.

And my son's middle name is Rob or Robert, named after my dad. Right? So I, and that's why I didn't name him after me. I named him after my dad because my dad means the world to me. So my mom wrote this other name in there and my ex-wife lost her shit and she should have. Fair enough. I thought that was a very fair thing. She's right. My mom should not have done that. It's not. So

I ended up talking to my mom and you know, look moms will always talk to you like you're a child. No matter your age, my son was born. I was 31 years old. I had to tell my mom very harshly. That I didn't give a shit what she thought and I said that's your grandson and if you ever want to see him.

Mm-hmm.

you'll call him by his name. And that's it. And I left it at that and I said, nice talking to you, gotta go. And I let it stew and my mom called me back and said, you're 100 % correct, that's my grandkid, it's not my child. I will love him no matter what his name is. And I said, that's exactly what I wanted to hear. And my mom came out because she lived in Iowa at the time.

and saw her grandkid and melted and cried and said she was very sorry to both me and my wife and because life that's life altering. This is your grandchild. And I said so when that happened I kind of reminded my ex-wife I said do you want to see your grandkid? You have to reach out. So

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That was forgiveness. Now, is it the range of forgiveness that they're like the greatest, you know, two on wheels? No, but they have a relationship. And I think that's important, mostly as me and my ex-wife get older, right? We have less years than more. So, you know, that's your mom, that's her grandmother. This is, you know,

Mm-hmm.

This is life. This is real life now. So forgiveness is important when it comes to a lot of things. And generally, I think family is one of them. Because I've lived it and I've seen it. I was lucky when I got divorced, me and I made sure I kept relations with my stepdaughters. Even though me and my middle girl, my youngest daughter,

Didn't really get along very well. We got along but not very well But I still made sure that you know, I raised them both they're mine right, so You know, I wasn't going to just disappear because of that Which is I think a form of forgiveness to everyone. It's like this is this this is that I'm sorry. We didn't work out me and your mom didn't work out but

Mm-hmm.

And I think that that's important. Forgiveness is important when it comes to family and years not being around the corner. We have less now. And I'm glad that she has a relationship with her grandkid. It's important because there's only one right now. I mean, obviously my son's only 23. So she has, she could have another one, but.

Mm-hmm.

Middle child didn't have any kids. you know, that theoretically could be the only grandchild she ever meets. Because my son's, you know, 20 something. Maybe he doesn't get married till he's 30 and she's five years older than me. She'll be in her 60s, you know, whatever, you know, whatever the thing is. So this is where I think forgiveness is so important. You know,

Very true.

Romantic relationships, you can tell people to fuck off and it's okay and you don't have to forgive them. That's just the truth. not that I'm saying you should do that because I don't think you should. But I can see there where it can be, know, divorce does crazy shit to you. Right? Makes you think, it makes you think different ways. It makes you...

Mm-hmm.

It does.

I don't want to say hateful because that's, I don't want to use that word, but it's the only one that I can kind of say it that way. I don't mean it that way, but it'll make you very, you know, it'll just make you standoffish and not want to deal with the person that you are with. so like that's one that I would say is very important. Like, what about you? Do you think that

Right.

Like there's certain relationships that you should always try to forgive. Right.

Yeah, I don't know. I think the jury is still out. I don't know. There's some, there's some relationships that I've had that I don't ever want to step back into. But I don't have, I'm not harboring any resentments towards anybody. For me, like after, after a spell, just becomes indifference. I just don't care. And I'm over it. And I don't want to keep like, soiling my life with old bullshit that

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

that has been done and over for, you 100 years. just, I don't.

I don't wish anybody any ill will, but I definitely don't want certain people in my world. You know, I don't know. think that sometimes people just push me too far. I could take a lot, but at some point I'm just like, yeah, no, I think I'm good. I just can't do this anymore. And I don't.

But but is that after you've tried or is that just because time has changed things?

Well, I had a cousin that really did me dirty back in the day.

We had a falling out. I was almost arrested. Yeah, because and and you know me it takes like a lot for me to get to that level. But she told me the stupid shit that she did to me years before in a cop bar. And she had been drinking and I don't really drink. So I when she told me I I started to cry and she's you know, she's called me.

Wow, okay. Right.

She said, don't start this now. It's not like you ever cared. And I went into the bathroom. And when I went in there, I don't know what happened, but she walked in with me. We got in a physical altercation. I was put in the back of the cop car. I was with my mom and her mom. And my mom was like, shut up. She was like, fuck that. I went off. I was screaming. I wasn't quite 21.

shit. You

I got arrested in a cop bar. was like, I'm going to bring this whole place down. I lost my shit. I have never lost my shit the way I lost my shit that day. And my mom was like, shut the fuck up, Tina. She's smoking a cigarette outside the cop car. There's a lot of commotion going on there. They bring in an ambulance to take care of of my former cousin. Yeah, it was just it was a shit show. I got out of it, though, because I wasn't 21 and

I don't know what my aunt pulled, but you know, it things were taken care of anyway. didn't talk to her or her mom for like 16, 18, 20 years, something like that. And then her mom begged me to talk to her. And I was like, no, because you knew of this too. And you didn't you didn't protect me. You weren't being my aunt, you know. So she begged me and I forgave her.

Right.

Mm hmm. Let's come here.

We had a long conversation. She understood me, I understood her. And we were good, but I don't have anything to say to my cousin. I don't have anything that I want to do for my cousin. I just don't want her here. I remember when we were having problems with my mom, she was like, well, I'm gonna come out and I'm gonna find out what's going on. And I said to my dad, her out here, dad, because I need somebody to fuck up. My dad called her and said, the last thing you should do right now.

is come over here because my daughter will kill you and it's none of your business. It's family stuff. So that's where I ended things. I don't need to talk to her. I don't need to see her. I don't need to do any. I don't care about her and her shenanigans. She's not the type of person that I've ever really liked. She's always had a lot of jealousy towards me. And I didn't even understand why, because I would have given her anything she wanted. You know, people just, when they're young and stupid, they have a certain feel.

Right. Yikes. Right.

I won't go back to that relationship. don't need to. We live far enough away I don't have to and I just plain don't care.

Right. Right, so, but there wasn't, there was no forgiveness there. There was just.

Lack of caring. Okay. That's not forgiveness though. Right. That's what I mean. So this is the one that isn't forgiveness. No, but you can.

Well, I, there was. There was, there was forgiveness because we've had to be in the same room and she's lucky I didn't fuck her up again because truly the way I feel about her is like she's, she's just, she's just a whipping post at this point to me. So do I forgive her? No, no I just don't. I tolerate her. But, but I don't hold animosity towards her either. I just, I'm just done.

You can do both though. You can not forgive somebody and not give a shit about them that those walk hand in hand sometimes You know, they're like good friends Yeah, yeah That's a cheat. He's that's a cheat. He's day. Just tell her that story but so like for me that's I see that as I don't have to forgive you but I can forget about you and it's not a big deal because I've

Yeah.

that's me. I'm going to have to tell you that whole story because it's way better. Yeah. That's a Chi Chi story. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah.

I've, look, when I moved out of my house, or my family home is the best way of putting it, guess, I moved in with my best friend and a guy I worked with. Well, that guy ended up stealing money from me and my buddy and not paying the rent. And I literally took a bat to his furniture when he was moving it out.

Mm-hmm.

shit!

Yeah, he's lucky I didn't take it to him.

Yeah, I was going to say, it would have been better had you hit him with it.

Yeah. Probably, but I probably would went to jail. So I it's probably better I didn't. But it was funny because my best friend who I've known since I was, you know, 13 years old and this is at 21, 21, 22 ish. And I think I even shocked him when he saw the rage that was in me. He was like, shit. And I was like, fuck that shit.

Mm-hmm.

I go, he can take his shit and he can get out of here, but it's going to be in pieces. And I went to work on this shit is bedroom furniture. I mean, I was swinging for the fences, but at the end of the day, I didn't forgive him, but I just forgot about him because I had to worry about life because we got evicted. You know, I had to move on so I can understand the.

Damn.

Yeah.

I didn't forgive him, but I forgot him and I don't think about that shit and I saw him at the Northridge mall years later on the escalator No, cuz he was going down I was going up but I saw him I gave him like hey I know who the fuck you are and at that point I was like You know 250 pounds in like I was a lot bigger You know, I was wrestling at the time and I was like, yeah, I see you and he just kept on didn't even

Did he run from you?

Yeah.

It didn't even stop. Yeah. He, I, I'm sure he was looking behind him because, but I was with, but I was married at the time and I, know, I was, I had already moved on in life, but I gave him the, just so you know, full like this could have happened. So to me, forgiveness it, it's difficult. Forgiving someone is very, very difficult.

Kept on keppin' on, keepin' on.

Yeah.

Once they hurt you so bad. That you. You know you see them in such a different light. I've had a few girlfriends that I thought. Wow, like that that hurt me pretty good. And but like I said, I think a lot of that stuff you can push push on yourself as well. Like looking back.

Mm-hmm.

But at the time I was like, man, like, I don't get it. Like I was trying, but it was already past that. So, you know, I I didn't forgive one until recently. Yeah, because that I told you, I tried to find all the people that I've kind of had issues with or thought I did dirty or.

Yeah.

Wow.

things didn't work out right and kind of like, hey, let's break bread and you know, really talk about what happened. So I got to do that and I totally forgave this person because I didn't know certain things and I didn't, know, things just move forward and sometimes so fast that you both are living and you

Yeah.

Not that you don't forget it, but you just kind of go, okay, life has to keep going. And they're doing their thing and I'm doing my thing. many, many, many years later, you find a way to like weave in and out.

And the funny thing is, is that this was like July. This was like, I hadn't talked to this person in 20 something years. And I didn't see them until July when I just happened to have shoulder surgery. So I had time to actually sit and talk with this person. Pretty wild. But I forgave. I forgave her for not telling me.

Wow.

Mmm.

Not really for what happened because what happened was kind of like up in the air anyway. I got to hear that story and kind of we both kind of went, oh, this is what happened. And I went, well, this is how I felt and blah, blah, blah. So there was a form of forgiveness. didn't owe each other that. But I was just like, OK, I was wrong and I thought something different. And. I think sometimes forgiveness heals. Heals the person hearing it.

Hmm.

If you can forgive somebody you're healing yourself because I think that you you kind of go And there's this big weight off your shoulders of what you thought something was or they thought something was and You realize that you're both wrong It was really never like that and you probably should have forgave each other

Absolutely.

you know a year later, I wish I could have talked to this person a year later and just kind of heard like this is what really happened and blah blah blah and I think things would have been easier to let go of and forgive because you just don't know but that just wasn't meant to be and then unfortunately sometimes things happen and people die and you can't forgive them or you can't

Yeah, that's...

It's It's a wrap, that's true. Fucking Hollywood, baby. It's a wrap. You

That's the only thing I, we talked about it last week on the episode is death is the only thing you cannot fix. You cannot change. You cannot work on. cannot, it's, it's a wrap. You know, my, we were, I think we were talking, it's a wrap. We were talking, I think we were talking about my mom and, and, um, when she died, that's when I realized there's no more fixing things.

You have to work on yourself, obviously. You have to work through whatever it is that you have left over. But you can't just pick up the phone and say, you know, I'm sorry, or I love you, or that's when it's over. And what a shame to wait that long, because normally, life with my mom, we fought like cats and dogs often. And we said some pretty shitty shit to each other.

Yep. Mm-hmm.

But at the same time, like that was still my mom and we could work through it and go through it. And then, you know, we were right back to being mother daughter. I don't think that ever stopped the being mother daughter, but you know, being, a mom and, being a daughter, like you could really hate on each other for a while, but we didn't, we didn't let it go too long. And we had

absolutely.

We gave each other a lot of grace because we both were not perfect and we both needed to work through things and there was shit on both sides. And when she died, I am grateful that I felt like I gave it my all because I couldn't fix anything else. Like I couldn't take it back. couldn't just couldn't.

Right. Yeah, and look, think the family, like we were talking about earlier, the family dynamic definitely changes things. You know, look, it's...

Father's son, mother daughter, know, mom son, you know, family, it means something. I've had a lot of run-ins with my kid mostly as he got older. Yeah, and his testosterone is through the roof. So he's, you know, he has his issues. And, but I try to rectify these things because he's gonna leave at some point and then.

Mm-hmm.

You're supposed to.

Right?

I won't have to worry about fighting him, but I won't have him to fight with. Look, there was things I think that I've probably could have talked to my mom about. We really cut bread a lot. Once we started doing the podcast, my mom would message me or we'd Skype and my mom would be like, I didn't know that about you. I was like,

Yeah.

Yeah.

I loved when you would tell me about that though. I loved it. Yeah.

Yeah, and she'd do it all the time like I had no clue about that I'm like, well, yeah mom I'm I'm a grown-ass man. Why am I I'm not gonna come to you and talk to you about this or that but so I feel I Got a lot out with my mom and she told me things and I told her things and she knew about Relationship relationship things and people I liked and I talked to my mom I

Yeah.

She was an easy one to just kind of chat with. Yeah. And she never judged me. I mean, at least not to my face. I'm sure she did behind me. But so for me, that's good. But like my old tag team partner, like that I wrestled with for years, you know, we lost touch and then he died. And I felt kind of bad because he would call me every blue moon, but he'd call me fucked up and high and like try to talk to me and

spill the beans with.

Yeah.

And it was hard because like I wanted to help him and like there was times I told him like I'll help you but you need to want help and then he kind of just disappeared and it got worse and he died and I I Didn't forgive myself for a long time, but I didn't reach out and I didn't keep trying and and It took it took me a few years to forgive myself

Mm-hmm.

for not doing that. And thankfully, I heard other stories from other people in our group, he would do the same to them and they would have to like, tell him like, I can't help you because you're, you don't want it. So for me, you know, sometimes forgiveness comes from within. And,

Yeah.

It always does, absolutely does.

But I mean to forgive yourself sometimes, know forgiving someone else is is different because you're looking at their feelings and what they did When it's an internal thing of what you did. It's hard because you can't run from yourself You can run from other people fuck. I could I didn't talk to somebody for 29 years I ran. I know it was easy looking in the mirror is a whole other thing and

Yeah.

Well, we're the hardest on ourselves. So of course that, you know, that forgiving yourself is going to be the hardest thing that you could do. Absolutely.

Yeah. It's, it's, and it's sucky. And, and every time, so that's kind of why I started reaching out to people that I thought I did dirty. After he passed away, I was like, well, got to find this person. I got to find this person. I got to find this person. I told you I found all but one.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And I believe they're in Ventura, I think. I've looked them up recently, but see, here's the thing is it's a girl. So finding a girl is sometimes difficult because of last name change. So you kind of have to like scour the internet sometimes and it's just dead ends certain places. But yeah, I mean, it's I'm doing my best to.

That's not fire.

Okay.

University.

to just, I want the latter years of my life to be as easy as they can be. And, you know, that I forgave everyone. I had to give forgiveness to my father. When I came back from Vegas, was at, I mean, I had a place to live, it just wasn't ready yet. And I stayed with my best friend for a month and that was the greatest party ever, best, greatest 30 days of my life. We just had a great time as friends.

Mm-hmm.

And I lived with my dad for 30 days until my place was ready. And I had to forgive, you know, I had to give him forgiveness. I was like, look, I'm sorry I did this, this, this, this, and this. I should have been a better son. I should have did this. I should have did that. And it was great because my dad forgave me. And it was like, I did the same speech with my dad and this isn't anything new.

Mm-hmm.

And your boy will do it with you at some point if know something happens and that's just life and but I'm glad I did that with my dad because I I felt not that we didn't have a relationship that but it was definitely damaged when I left and I wanted to make sure that the next time I had a chance to really solidify it I did and I think that like the in You know like with you. I think that

Well, yeah.

Hmm.

Good.

You know, your dad's at an age and my dad's at an age where we need to solidify that relationship and make sure they know that this and that and you mean this and I did that, whatever it is, whatever your thing is. And I think that I hope my son thinks the same way about me.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

That at some point he can come to me and he's really open with me and he said things to me because like you're a good dad and you know like anything you fuck up and I was like, yeah, you're right. Like I have I've been by myself and it was hard and Thankfully, he gives me that grace to say yeah, you know, understand why and You know when he leaves I'm I'm hoping it's on a good a good thing and I don't have to worry about like

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

him leaving angry. It'll be like, cool, I'll help you move and we'll do this and it's a joyous occasion. But I hope he always knows that he can come back to me and say, hey, this or hey, this. And no different than, know, your daughter or my daughter's or, know,

Yeah.

I have a friend who has kids and she has had issues. One didn't, I mean, I haven't talked to her in quite a while, but her daughter wasn't talking to her over a man she was with. And it killed her. I mean, she would talk to me about it and it was like, it would turn her stomach. Like, because she couldn't see her grandkids. And it was...

Hmm.

it hurt her and I'm hoping and I don't know I should I need probably should at least reach out to her to say you know hey I hope things are going well but yeah so like a relationship with your family can take everything out of you so I you know

Even if even if you are like, okay, so I live with my dad and my dad didn't know half of the shit that I did I tell him stories now and he's like, how did I not know that? I'm like, I don't know mom did or mom picked me up or we've we've gone over and over but now he looks at these story I tell him the stories cuz I don't have anything to hide, know, it's like what are you gonna do ground me now? Like go ahead

Right.

So now I tell him stories and he's like, holy crap, you went through that? And I'm like, yeah. And my dad, my dad looks at me and he is, he has even said like, my daughter, she's going to go through whatever she's going to go through. She probably won't say anything to me, but I'll see her struggle. But I always see her triumph. I always see her get through it. I always, when she tells me she's going to do something,

I already know she's got it planned out and she's probably halfway through it because that's my daughter. He doesn't hold grudges. I mean, we've gotten into arguments about things and I'm like, but dad, what, you know, and he said, if you don't like it, leave and I go, okay, I'll leave. And then who's going to help you like, so quit being like that in that. And it kills the fight. We don't fight any more than that. You know, it's, doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be so all or nothing.

Right. Right.

Right, exactly.

You know, and with him, it's just not we we argue we get over it. He knows I got his back You know, he's he told he tells everybody I've saved his life seven times like how could he possibly be mad at me for for a long period of time when I've been the one that's that's done that you know over the course of our lives together, so But I think I think it's harder when you're raising the child that is your

your same gender. I think it's harder that way. Like my brother and my dad had a harder time when they were younger and my mom and I had a harder time our whole lives together. We did because we she taught me she taught me how to be exactly like her then she got mad when I was. So that was kind of a funny thing and she did right before she passed.

Sure. Right. No, I kind of, I agree with that.

There was just a lot going on in my life and I had had a surgery and she was just trying to at that point I think she was just trying to to connect with me and we had some really good talks, but You know at the time I didn't know that those were gonna be my last ones because I think I would have said things a little bit differently or like Maybe let her off the hook a little bit more

you

Not that what I was saying was a lie, because I didn't have to lie to her. We had enough where we could just go toe to toe on the facts and did. so, what's that? And that was it. But nonetheless, like she told me, she goes, I don't care what anybody says. I don't care what anybody does. You and your brother are me. You come from me. You are me. And if they don't like you, they don't like me.

Right. And that was it.

And that's the stance that she took with everything when she was clear headed. Now when, you know, at the end of her life when she was having problems with all the drugs and the brain aneurysm and everything, she wasn't quite the same. But a couple weeks before she passed, she was clear enough that we could have a conversation that it healed me before she even passed.

I knew it was coming. You I knew that she wasn't going to be on this earth forever. I could see, could feel, I could feel her. I wasn't expecting her that day though. I wasn't expecting to walk in and find her dead. That, that bloom, that was one of like, I don't normally get very surprised by people, but I would say that that was by far the biggest surprise I ever got from one person in one day was that she was gone. But

Tina M Garcia (43:51.092)

So grateful that even though we didn't see eye eye on everything and she wasn't always completely together at the end of her life, I'm glad that we had that time because we fixed things and it made it easier to let go. And you know, that was that was an easy that wasn't an easy day. But I'm glad we had the time and I'm glad that that she knew I loved her and I'm glad that I know that she loved me.

you you

And generally, and when you try you fail to be perfect.

and we didn't have to be perfect. That's the cool thing about moms and kids is that nobody has to be perfect. Just gotta show up. You know what I mean? It's like, cause nobody is and kids don't.

Yeah, it's like, because perception's a bitch and what I'm what I'm seeing and what I'm doing may look perfect, but if you look from the north, you know, it could be a totally different perception. And and. I don't know, you just. You just got to find grace, you got to find grace, that's all there is to it. Like, I'm grateful that I found grace with my mom. I'm grateful she found it with me. I cherish.

Right.

a of memories and there's a lot I'd still rather forget because they were hard they were rough and and you know they didn't leave us exactly feeling happy but life isn't always perfect life isn't always bad it's a combination of both and like you said if you have grace and you get through certain things like it's way better it's way better than than

Right. Do

way better than not. It just is.

Do you find yourself looking back now, forgiving your mom for all the, you know, quote unquote bad times? Right? She just did.

I don't I don't know that I really held her in that high of like where it was that Fuck when I was born my mom was 19 years old there were so many things She didn't know what she was doing when we were younger and she just she was not a perfect person by any Means I mean I'm not gonna throw shit on my mom, but she wasn't perfect but young moms are a rip man, there's

Yeah. No, but young moms, young moms, all young moms are it's difficult. I don't care how good of a mom you ended up being. Most young moms, there's turmoil. There just is because you don't know what the fuck you're doing. For me, though, like I forgave my mom before she passed, you know, and she didn't have a lot of bad times. I mean, she.

You

Yeah.

All in all, I would say my mom was great because she knew that my dad would raise us better and a bunch of other things. But at the end of the day, I forgave my mom for whatever bad she did long before. So thankfully, was just like we were actually, we had a great relationship when she passed away. And it was kind of the same with you. My mom was sick. She had CPO.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What do you call it? Cpod or whatever it is. So I knew she was sick, but I didn't think she'd die. Not that quickly. So, you know, when I got the call from my brother, like, yeah, it was one of those things where like, it was a shock, but it wasn't. It was one of those things where like, yeah, I knew it was going to come. But. Huh?

COPD.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't, you know, because my mom had the brain aneurysm, I think that was her ticket to act in however the hell she wanted to and us having to forgive her. Because in our family, there was no, there is no like, you know, fuck you, I'm never gonna speak to you again and then run away. We all stick around. all did what we needed to do.

Right. you

But it was hard. It was hard because she really did some shitty things at the end of her life that I look at it now and I'm like, fuck mom, that wasn't cool. You know, that I found out, I found out something just the other day and I was like, damn, that's not cool, mom. You know, but yeah, way later, yeah.

Right. See, isn't that wild, though, when you find out shit like years, years after you're like, what? They're like, yeah, you didn't know about about your mom. Like, no. Like, yeah.

Yep.

But then, but then, you know, it's the same thing. Like in my family with the four of us, my brother and myself and my mom and my dad, there was no holding grudges. Like you had to get along. You had to make it work. We, we didn't talk about it outside of our circle. You know, it stayed more private. And you know, what's funny is I went to a psychic a few years after my mom had passed, cause I was really struggling.

To to deal with some things that she had said and done and I was going through my own Master life change like there was huge change at that point coming on and this the psychic said to me Out of nowhere because I didn't even know if I was gonna get a reading this psychic looked right at me and she said you know, your mom loves you and There's no there's no resentments. You were the best daughter. She could have ever had

Well.

And anything that you're holding on to you need to let go of because you guys are like on a perfect slate right now. Just let it go. And I was like, well, I don't have to listen to anything else anymore because I guess, you know, now that she's healthy minded, you know, and she could see great. But it did let me off the hook. It did. Because I don't like having things looming over my head. I really don't. try to as best I could minimize it.

Right. you

Not that that's always the easiest thing to do and I have not yet even begun to master it, but I really do try. And the life that I have now is so different. Like, I'm not the same person when my mom was alive. Not even. She's been gone almost 15 years. It'll be 15 years in July. And you know, my brother and I, we...

Right. Right.

We are in a different place. We have the best relationship I've ever had with him ever My dad's relationship and I still as good as it's always been You know, it's it's It's cool having grown up and it's cool having gone through what we went through and still loving on each other my brother and I've had some ribbed war and fights like Brothers and sisters do where we just tore each other to bits but he

Yeah. Well, because there's been a lot of forgiveness over the years. Yeah. You guys have an interesting.

I'll also hear him say if I'm in a dark alley and people are rushing me, I hope my sister is standing beside me because she'll make sure I get out of all that, you know.

Well, and you know, he's my... He's my key to my whole life. He was there. He's been there. He's... He was there today! You know I mean? He's...

You guys have a very interesting, interesting relationship. Being around you is kind of interesting and fun. It's just funny to see how you're not the same, yet you're the same, and the shit talking that is done is absolutely top notch. And you can tell that it's out of love.

Is it how so?

You

You know what I mean? Like he'll say something to you and I'll, and I, were, the time I was over fixing the microphones and I remember he had said something and I remember I was looking at the computer and I giggled and I was like, and I was waiting for something crazy to happen. And I was like, this is just the way this is. It's, it's just the way they are. And it's kind of like me and my best friend. Like we say unruly, horribly,

bad things to each other. Like I said something to him one time and his soon to be wife looked at me and then looked at him and then looked at me and I was like, you better get used to this. It's real. It's worse than that. And she was like, and he goes, yeah, it's going to get a lot worse. And I was like, okay, cool. We're good.

You

My brother and I, we do not talk right to each other. So the other day I said, hey Teddy, you're gonna have to cut that. I said to him, hey.

I made something and I stick it in the fridge and he's all I stuck your mom in the fridge And we just laughed and kept rolling like there wasn't we the mom jokes in this in this relationship or are they're out there but Yeah, we do say inappropriate stuff and it is really funny. I remember I remember I was just told my cousin the other day my cousin came to visit and he and I have always been very very tight

You

And he came over and I said, hey, you need to put some, this was years ago. You need to, was, it was the day we got my mom's ashes to be exact. And he was over and I said, hey, so and so you need to put some lotion on your elbows. They're ashy. And before he could think about what he was going to say, he said, your mom's ashy. And the everybody that was in the room was like, you know, horrified that he had said that.

Ha ha ha.

And I paused for a second and I couldn't help but laugh. And I was thinking, okay, you're really wrong for laughing. But I started laughing and then you could hear everybody go, and then start laughing themselves. Cause that was the best mom joke I've ever heard. Right. And so, but it's wrong, but it's funny. We all looked at the box like she's sitting on our kitchen table and here we are like your mom's ashy, but

Because it's funny. I mean, it's wrong, but it's absolutely funny.

That's that's my brother and I's inappropriateness with each other. We just that's how we are. That's how my cousin is with me. That's that's how my friends are. We have a sixth sense of humor. We all have known each other 100 years and that's how we get along. And God, I love having friends that don't judge that or they understand that nobody has to be perfect like my friends. Now I'm saying I'm not going to judge you. I want to hear all of everything you have to tell me.

Right. Right.

And I'm just not gonna judge you so that you have somebody that you could talk to and I get a good story. So make it really good. If you're gonna fuck up, like make good. And I'm grateful that I live amongst people that don't feel the need to have to be perfect because that takes so much work and I'm not even close to being perfect, nor do I want to be. I kinda like who I am now. Actually, I'm really liking who I am now. I dig it.

I have a great relationship with my ex-husband. Tell me one person that thought I would ever be able to do that. And that took forgiveness from from both of us. And it took a lot of love and admiration, but it also took us being really solid people to be able to let go like that. So

Yeah

Mm-hmm. Don't get too into that. We're gonna do a show with him. Yeah, let's not ruin the show now. But it's coming. It's coming. I mean, you guys forgave each other so much that he's gonna sit down with a microphone in front of him and talk about how your relationship with each other works today. That's pretty big.

Yeah, yeah, let's see how that goes. Let's see how that goes.

Yeah, but.

Yeah, and he came up with that. I didn't I wasn't like I was asking him to come see Come and do the the podcast with us as a matter of fact He says he doesn't even he's only watched one of them that he's conceded to I would venture to say he hasn't told me the complete truth, but I don't know him to be a liar either so

I would probably say that he has listened to more than one. Now, him saying that he hasn't listened to complete shows, that could be true.

Yeah, because he's really good at changing the verbiage so that he's not completely not telling the truth. He'll find the loophole. Yeah, he's good for that. But but nonetheless, like, as far as I'm concerned, I will I will definitely tap both of us on the back for being able to do that, until you've lived with somebody for that long and you've blown up your life and you've

Correct. Right. you

Become friends again, like don't even try to judge me because I got one on everybody I don't know people that do that very often and still love each other I mean, I will say that I I still love that guy. I don't want to live with him I don't want to go back to having a relationship with him, but we have a relationship we have a really good friendship and and I do love him and I and I am there for him and he is there for me and Isn't that how it's supposed to be, you know?

Yeah. you

get evolve and change and grow and get past all the petty shit you couldn't do. I don't know. So when I want to forgive, I'm great at it. But when I don't want to forgive, I won't even look at it. Like I think that's everybody though. It's not just me, but it

Mm-hmm Yeah No, I don't think so I think there's a lot of people that can you can you can have forgiveness and and be okay with it and forgive and you can

not forgive and be okay with it. It's... It just matters who, what, and where. That's it. I mean, I would say the best thing for your internal being is to try to forgive who you can. Because then it just makes things a little easier. You know, like... At least for me, I kind of look at it from the standpoint of if I'm good with most people,

or people that I thought did me dirty or vice versa and I can be good with them, I sleep better at night.

That's it. Right. I agree.

I just You know, we're at an age where like life isn't all that Important to be that frustrated or pissed off or unhappy with with somebody it's like Now I'm all huh. I don't need you around but I'm not gonna put a lot of thought into you either I just I'm not even gonna get myself that worked up and I'm gonna be happy I'm gonna be happy nonetheless cuz I really did

I really did work hard to be happy.

I just think that you that if you can if you can wake up in the morning and be okay with life and again forgiving yourself for what you can

So.

Yeah.

It's a lot easier to be okay. Look, we all want to have the best lives we can, but some people bring it down. Right? Try not to, but do your best to just get up in the morning, be happy for what you have and for the people that are important in your life. And you can only do so much.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

You know if you've forgiven I think that you know God is the guy that's gonna be like he forgave everyone. He's good and move on Yes, ma'am, so In the end do your best to forgive people like we're all human. We all fuck up bad shit happens you know better at the end of the day to

One would hope.

Not die or have friends or family die and not fix things. It's hard enough. It's just hard. And like I said, I tell you, I've had someone die and it killed me for a lot of years. So I don't want to do that again.

No. You know what? Now that I'm an adult and I'm grown up and grown through a bunch of things, I always try to let people know how much they mean to me. And when I tell them that I go and when I'm dead, don't even question it, right? Because I've told you now, right? And I think I started that when my mom passed, because I think she left some things unsaid.

Mm-hmm.

And over the years, you know, people have come to me and told me things. I'm like, oh, come on. She totally loved you like she did. And and it brings peace to people. So if you could do it and be good with with everybody that means something to you, you really should, because otherwise you're just going to live with a bunch of hurt. And man, as you get older, you've had enough hurt. You really don't want to keep.

Right. you

Yeah. Totally agree. Well, that being said, I think we are done for the week. It's been it's been an amazing show. Generally. And check us out on all the social medias.

getting it. Like at some point you learn right? Like at some point you got to stop that.

We are.

We've been I've been posting a lot more now, so you'll know when the show comes out Make sure you're sharing with other people. Thankfully all these people were Insanely close to 10,000 downloads. I Yeah, we're at like Let's see like less than 90 Yeah, so I would say before the end of this month

Hey.

Wow, we're getting there.

Maybe even next week, we might be closed. So that we will. And it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted, keep coming back every Wednesday. For Tina, I'm Rob. We will see you in a week. Bye.

we're gonna have to go out and celebrate

See ya.