Shownotes
The only certain path to success is the path of mastery.
We can't master everything, but there are certain things that we can never be happy without achieving. In this episode, we looked at what those were and what was the path to mastery...
Transcript
Welcome to The Thing Free Rebellion, the podcast for independent thinkers to rebel against ignorance, manipulation, dogma, doctrine and the fears and temptations that stop us being ourselves and living our best lives. Good to make relationships, simple dotcom to join us at an event or find more information. To lose or gain in 21. Three and a marriage weighs a few pounds.
Yeah, we feel the punishment is a sudden gain a gain of marriage and lose a few pounds.
I thought you said gay marriage. It's all coming out, though. It's it's as if dating strategy. A whole new market. Yeah. Now there is too.
I thought I thought the weights, but it would be gain muscle and lose fat. But that's OK, isn't it.
Yeah. Lose weight, get fit. Find that lovely gentleman. That's it. No marriage in the Marriage Act of marriage you know.
How long were you married for some time, if you don't mind me asking.
Thirty four years. That's a lifetime.
Was OK. Much longer than one but over a decade.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I was. I was married in 14 years. You're looking for differences, Rob, but I am a bit too superficial. No, no, no. It was it was only the warm up. So we're going to go deeper.
So you found the perfect relationship now. I'm sorry I said so. You found the perfect relationship now. How do you mean I'm teasing you. OK, yeah, I know you said it was the warm up something you found the perfect one.
Oh, I see. Like the marriage is OK.
Um, right. So the next bit is. Right, in order for you that we're talking about Mostri, so you can only master so many things. So what are the three to seven things that would be essential for you to live a happy, meaningful and worthwhile life within one category?
Or do you mean different categories of different categories? So I would I would suggest health money. Career relationships are probably like universal self development. I don't know if that's necessary. That's more of a life journey, but it's mastery of yourself. Yeah. So that's probably that's probably why not have counted.
Or is that yeah, I mean, it's sort of combined with relationships, I suppose. But there is a self, there is the self actualization of self, but there isn't the relationship, the extension of the self. It is an extension. But to really be fulfilled in a relationship, I think you have to work on yourself. So it's it's this to me, it's the grounding of self. As far as the individual and the extension into into a relationship which completes that the complete seal.
Yeah, yeah. Which which is where I was going to say, like, you have a relationship with yourself to master the relationship. You could classify it as a relationship with yourself as well.
Yeah. OK. I suppose it goes back to the old saying of yourself, you have to get that first before you can love somebody else.
Yeah, yeah. Does anyone have any different? Freedom from. Yeah, I was about to say Independencia, same thing. What are you thinking about covid-19 million? How did you guess?
Well, I guess you might say let's talk over the weekend and the snow and with some family.
And it just reminds me of the saying that the best things in life are free and with you know, you do take it for granted that those type of things you could do without question, you could go where you want to what you want. And we can't can't do that anymore. So. Once it's taken away, it's become more chaotic. It's easy to think of all the things that were lost and that were restricted to do it at the moment, because you can never I don't think anyone can ever completely lose the sense of freedom.
No one can ever completely take anybody's freedom. There's always something that someone can take away from you. It's like that quote from Victor Frankl, isn't it, the last the last freedom is the last. Freedom is the ability to choose your response.
Yes, OK. Is there anyone are you there, Betty? Hello, I'm just getting dressed. OK, what we're doing is because it's such a small group, we're doing the breakout rooms in here, so feel free to join in if if you want to and when you're ready. OK, so is there any on that list that anyone feels doesn't apply to them, select cell phone relationships, money, relationship, money, health, career, career?
I'd say I don't feel like I don't really connect to that one. OK, then.
Was there an overall health of career, money, relationships, faith and freedom? Do you see what we have done? There is happiness, although you might say what makes you happy. But all those things don't necessarily always make you happy. I mean, just because you felt that you could have career and all that, you've got to kind of understand what's missing in your life. So, like, a little bit something cool, I suppose. I mean, I could totally just quit sitting here in a back.
But, you know, if you're kind of on your own, you haven't really got a relationship with anybody. It's not. It'll be nice, but it's not really fulfilling thing. I think I've mean, having a good relationship with yourself and a good relationship with all this is that brings happiness in and of itself. I think it'd be very difficult to have a good relationship with self and always and not be happy. Yeah. That being comfortable with yourself, I suppose, is what you so really you are really that list is about the self matters, being comfortable with yourself, being yourself.
And in my interpretation that is also freedom, like as we had the whole free thing for a living. So it's so I think if you have not of health that you feel is as good as you can, you have mastery of your career. You do something meaningful. If you have mastery of money, then you're free of the money worries. If you have relationships, then you have good relationships. And so a sense of of of of control over your life.
Yeah, yeah. It's in a way, yes. It's really about the way I conceptualize it is that you have. You've confronted the main problems that we have. I suppose parenting would be a tough one for people who have children. I was thinking parents involved and I was thinking maybe that comes the relationships. It does, but it has a lot to say about parents and some of the responsibility. Sorry, Alan, what about parents?
I'm just saying that's probably if you have children, it's probably another matter if somebody wants mastery over how to get rid of the kids.
Yeah. You know, how to keep them close, keep and say, oh, we got this spectrum. It's their time to go.
But it's funny that the reason I asked that question about the parents involved was because, you know, you've got your mind, your mind's eye, and you think, yeah, that's not impossible or impossible.
That's possible. But in terms of parenting, for some reason like that, we just like Blobfish in terms of I don't think you could have gained mastery over that. That was what the mind was telling me.
And that's why I know you can definitely them. You can definitely. It's just like in your career, like you get better, I you spend more time sort of navigating it and stuff like that. Yeah, no, I agree.
It was just, you know, when your parents just got like a Fulgham doesn't kind of like go along with what you kind of think in yourself. So logically, you can't put my mind to saying, no, you can't. That's why I asked that question.
So I have to accept that with parenting, there are there are the bits that you can control and there are the bits that you can't because you're dealing with other individuals and it's acceptance of yourself having done the best that you can do.
Um, yeah. You know, I think sometimes people put too much emphasis on the things that they think that you should do as a parent. And they see themselves as having failed if they did not do those things, whereas if you were to speak to the child, you would get up, probably get a totally different perspective because they are not looking through those eyes. And I think sometimes we're too critical of ourselves. There is no doubt that the pressure that we put on ourselves, lead to lead to unhappiness can lead to unhappiness because we feel that we have failed.
Do you think parenting is harder than any of the others? There's more intricacies to it than all this. I think it crazy to give a lot more in some in some circumstances, and you're not it's not you give without necessarily expecting to get. An equivalent in return. So it demands some selflessness on your part. And I it's it's how that plays out, I think that's what's important in the long run. I think. It's more or less the same principles or ideologies applied to a normal relationship with a child.
But I will say it is harder in this sense that you are dealing with a little person when you when you are dealing with a partner, you are dealing with an adult.
Well, let's just at the brains completely developed to that stage. Yeah. So the other person in STEM and. Exactly. So assuming the other person is not is a normal person, you're dealing with another adult, you may disagree on things, but you're going to get a sensible response or you're going to get something that you can discuss things through with a child. You are going to get the little pure feelings coming back and you have to learn to sort that through.
You get that with adults as well. I mean, that's why I'm saying it really depends. So, I mean, I had this in my own relationship with my spouse. I as the spouse, I suppose you get a lot of. A logical response was back, but then if you ignore all that and you get to the core message, you kind of go you're upset about the thing, aren't you? But what you're saying has got nothing to do with what you feel, but also more introspection and introspection in that respect.
It's not yeah, the difference lies. But with children, you see, you get that all the time and you have to learn to cut through that. So they might say, oh, you're just being too much. And the other because they cannot see this sense in what you're saying sometimes, or rather they don't want to see it because they want to play, they don't want to study or they don't want to go to bed now because they don't feel tired, but they're not thinking about the consequences of tomorrow morning when they're going to be tired or they can't see what you see because they haven't got the life experience.
They don't understand that all these things are going to lead to something negative. You understand that, because probably you've done it and you experienced it or you've seen it, but they haven't. And it's not real to them. It's like people still you can't think in abstract yet.
Still, it's a bit like people are still saying, you know, covid-19 isn't that bad. Well, you know, almost two thousand people died. So it can be very bad for some people. But can you say so? It's it's a bit like that. So I think in that sense it's harder because you have to learn not to love your own feelings anyway. And that's very difficult, at least for me, because they are your child and you are emotionally connected.
If it was somebody else's child, you could actually be a lot more calm and funny and a better person in that sense, because you are allowing your emotions to get the better of you and you can kind of cool the kind of explain things and, you know, that probably will get through the message will get through better. But when it's your own kid, get over there, get it done, believe you, because or they study you haven't studied hard enough or whatever because you know, they can do it, but they're just being lazy.
And so in that sense, I think it's harder. But it's exactly the same principles. For example, by the way, stop me from dominating the conversation. I find, for example, with my kids, one thing I have always done is been absolutely honest and clear about my things. So they know that I'm a man of my word. If I say it, I'm going to do it. But that also places a lot of responsibility on me to be careful not to say something I don't want to do.
And so if I say if you do that, you're going to get into trouble, then I have to follow it through if they do it. But and they've got a point, for example, that I told a joke. And sometimes when I talk, my face is very serious. So sometimes I will say something that kids would look at me and go, are you talking to? And if I say yes, I'm joking because then I will tell them that I'm joking.
And then they know and they have a laugh about it. But so the point is that kids know that there are boundaries and they know that is consistent. And the same thing with your spouse. They know that they can trust what you say. They know that there are certain boundaries and that you're consistent. If you say you're going to do something, you will do it. You know, it's obvious that you're serious about it. So the integrity bit, the honesty bit, the reliability, it always has to be...