Best-selling author, international speaker, award-winning podcaster, and media personality Carrie Wilkerson breaks down the biggest productivity mistakes people make, why balance is in the eye of the beholder and comparison is "suicide on an installment plan", talks about playing to the "invisible audience", and explains how you REALLY ARE the person in your photographs.

Carrie Wilkerson, in the last several years or few years,

she has become, you know, just one of the world's I think most

popular thought leaders. I mean, she's a social media celebrity.

She's been on CNN and Fox News and just a whole bunch of really

awesome stuff. And she's the author of a book that is called

the Barefoot Executive. And so, Carrie, welcome to the show.

Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

So can you tell me your story a little bit like how you

got started, and how you ended up where you are now?

Yeah, it's a long story. But the fact is,

when I was in seventh grade, I had a teacher who was in Zig

Ziglar, Sunday school class, believe it or not. And so she

studied with him every week, he created a junior high

curriculum, because that's when self esteem can be changed in

kids. But it's typically solidified in kids. And he

created a self esteem curriculum for junior High's it was not

widely, widely adopted. So he was beta testing it with a few

people in his Sunday school class. And I was blessed enough

to be introduced to Zig Ziglar, the concept of stinking thinking

and goal setting and creating your own life by what you think

and changing your results by changing your mind. And that was

seventh grade. So I remember that very distinctly. And then

of course, I went through high school, I always was a little

more positive than the average bear, I'd say. But then went to

college after college started in my typical track, right, did

some government work, did some corporate work taught in the

education system, and then adopted two kids that changed my

life literally overnight. And I said, I'm a smart girl, I have a

lot of qualifications. I have these two kids that I've chosen

to parent and I've chosen to bring into my house, they've had

a rough start, I need to be here with them. However, there has

got to be a way to make some money at home. And I started

studying sales and guess whose name pops up again, Zig Ziglar,

Zig Ziglar started studying leadership with John Maxwell. I

started a Mary Kay career, which I was in Mary Kay sales for

three years. And then I created a publishing company which

served Mary Kay people on the leadership level, owned that for

10 years before I sold it so that I could pursue the Barefoot

executive. And I would say the way I know people and the way I

get connected is very intentionally have a list of

things to accomplish in a certain amount of time, I have a

list of people I choose to intentionally have in my circle.

And then because we know how the brain works, that the brain

seeks to solve problems that you give it when we think negatively

or think, Oh, that'll never happen, or I'll never meet them,

then your brain doesn't look for reasons to make it happen. And

so it believes you. But when you say I'm going to at some point

work with Zig Ziglar, speak on stage with Zig Ziglar be

endorsed by Dave Ramsey, you know, be noticed by John

Maxwell, your brain goes to work to solve those things. And then

when you physically and emotionally invest in

opportunities to do so that's when you become lucky. And I use

lucky sarcastically because I don't think anything I ever have

done is lucky. But I've been very intentional. So that's how

I got in those circles. I was published by Thomas Nelson who

publishes those guys. So they became aware of my work. And now

I was on Dave Ramsey's entre leadership show, he's endorsed

my book, and we have a lot of the same mutual friends, which

leads to other mutual friends. But that's how that happens. So

I have intentional goals about places to speak, and companies

to speak for and companies to work with sales forces, and then

your mind goes to work, you know, in effective ways to make

that happen.

So let's talk a little bit about productivity. What do you

think are some of the mistakes that people are making when it

comes to making the most out of their time every day?

That's a great question. I think we are too

available. Bottom line is we are too available. Our ego insists

that we be available at the touch of a text or Facebook or

phone call or email. And we don't guard our time and energy

and space as well as we would if we had a physical office with a

door on it. We take the office home with us. And for some of us

that's necessary at certain times. For some of us, we've

sold ourselves the lie that that makes us more flexible. And

that's certainly true. I have four kids. And so sometimes at

the playground, you know, I'm one of the moms probably that

people try to shame on Facebook, like there was a mom that had

her kids at the playground and she was staring at her phone the

whole time. Well, that may be because I'm homeschooling my

kids three days a week and so we took a break and they know that

because I've been so available to them all morning, that that's

my like one hour that I'm going to need to answer emails and let

them run off some energy so we can go back and get back to it,

you know, so sometimes it does Let me be more flexible. But a

lot of times we just feel like we have to be responding to the

urgent because nobody can handle it like us. But unless you're in

an Oregon Business, a transplant business, a blood supply

business, most of us are not in a life urgent situation thing

where we can't step away from availability for two or three

hours. But what we're seeing in brain research is that

availability and electron connection, so internet

connectivity, phone connectivity, actually functions

with many humans, much like a hit of an addictive substance.

So we literally have addicted our self to where we have shakes

and tremors, or shortness of breath, when we are not, like

have you if you've lost your phone around your house and then

had a panic attack because of that, that you might have a

problem, right? So I think that that's part of it, we we are not

guarding our availability, we are not turning selves off. And

I'm not preaching and saying you're not available enough for

your kids, or you're not available. And you know, I'm not

saying there's any magical balance, I'm saying we have to

get over ourselves a little bit and step away, and put up a few

more boundaries to protect our health or wellness, our energy,

our capacity.

There's two sides. One is the ego of like, I need to be

available for people they need me right now, I'm more important

if I'm more available. But the other part that you brought up

that I don't think we talked as much about is, is kind of that

guilt of like, you know, oh, you're a workaholic or you're

never available. So how do you resolve that?

Well, first of all, you that you got to not

care as much people that are putting that in their own

context, or projecting their own thoughts onto that, that can't

be my problem, that can't be my business. One thing I love to

say about balance, and success, just in general, is is in the

eye of the beholder, meaning me, I get to define what balance

looks like, for me, my balance is going to look different than

your balance, I have four kids ranging from age nine to 21. One

with special needs. We do a combination of private school,

college, homeschool, and public school, we're involved in

theater arts and tumbling, and very active in our church life

and immediate family, etc, etc. So mine is going to look

different than yours. And that's okay, we've got to quit

expecting everyone to fit into a formula and judging them. If

they don't, we've got to worry more about the business and our

own life than everybody else's business. And that is for stop

worrying about them judging, but then it also means we've got to

stop comparing comparison will steal your joy, it's suicide on

the installment plan, it will defeat you every time, it will

either defeat you or give you false pride. Period. So we've

got to stop comparing where to stop looking at that woman on

the playground and going well, at least I'm not checking my

phone or playing Candy Crush while I'm on the playground. And

then giving myself false pride because I'm more present and

attentive. When the truth is, that woman might be working 50

hours a week away from home. And that's the only time she has and

that's great. This other woman might be with her kids 24/7. And

this is her only break. So we just have to stop the comparison

and the judging. And we have to have the conversation with our

kids that conversation with our spouse, our business partner,

our co workers and say, what works for us what looks like

peace and balance and joy for us. What helps me bring value

into the world with our clients, co workers, Team employers, what

does that look like? And then you have to be okay being

judged. You know, I mean, if I was worried about being judged,

I wouldn't be online, I wouldn't have pictures or videos or posts

online. Because I know, I get so many private messages and texts

and emails, that I can only imagine what the people are not

saying because there are enough of them that are bold enough to

say it. Right? We've just got to stop especially women to be to

be fair, we're judged even more than the men. And that's not a

martyr statement. It just is what it is statement. So we have

to quit worrying about what the woman at the playground thinks

that if she does make a comment, you can respond with grace, and

say, This is what works for our family. Thank you for being

concerned. I can see them and we have to be okay with that. We

have to quit defending. We have to just go thank you for your

feedback. We do what works for us. And there's one more point

that goes with that a lot of us are not doing something because

we're afraid of the invisible audience. So the invisible

audience is a concept that starts when we're preteens. So

for instance, my nine year old could care less what other

people think about how she dresses or what she does or what

she eats or what she says she's in this really great state of

that once you hit like 11 And there's this invisible audience

of everybody will be laughing at me, Mom, don't kiss me in front

of my friends, what will they say it's the invisible day. It's

the everybody it's the everybody says When really, it was one kid

that made some kind of snarky comment that may or may not even

have been taken out of context. Well with social media and with

our own self imposed narcissism and worry and fear of judgment

because of how judgmental we are of everyone else. This is now

carrying into adulthood, we I think we used to outgrow this,

but now we carry around this invisible audience with us

everywhere. And I think for a lot of us, it is sabotaging

great work we can do or bold moves we can make or big asks,

we can ask or creativity that we can express because we are pre

judging, right? Those of us that have been in sales, or in

ministry, we get that like, Oh, they're not going to be open to

that, or they're not going to whatever we prejudge, so we're

familiar on those terms. But we're like, Oh, nobody would

like it, if I did that, or what would they say if I cut my hair

that way or, and so we're not doing this big work or playing

full out because we're so afraid of they have them. And so it

kind of works both ways. Number one, we have to be okay with the

fact that they're judging when we are making some moves. But we

also have to not be afraid to take those steps to speak up at

the meeting at work to where the different color than you

normally do or go to lunch with somebody that you see being

shunned or whatever that is, I think many of us are depriving

ourselves of our gifting of our unique ability to serve because

we're preemptively we're preemptively stopping that

judgment that may or may not even exist, the fear is because

you've heard the one voice or the one person that raised their

eyebrow or gallery that your fear. And we used to outgrow it

because we hung out with adults. But now we're online and people

are so brave to be trolls and to be ugly and to to speak up that

one negative book review out of 300 can sink you for days, like

it invalidates all your work, you question yourself, I've got

a one star that's so invalid and so rude and ugly. But that now I

have to laugh at it because everybody else is four and five

stars. But we obsess about the one and then it becomes the like

the old pest control commercial. If there's one that you see,

there are 1000s that you don't see. Well, the fact is, that's

the same way about positive people, the one that's

outspoken, there are probably 5000 that are not telling you

how great you are, how valid you are, or how, you know XYZ you

are. But we tend to magnify the and magnify the invisible

audience of the critics, because of the one person that was that

had that that toxicity that did speak up. So as a result before

we hit publish your post or submit, we have that fear and we

let them keep our good work from the world. And that's tragic.

That's really, really tragic. You know, I don't remember the

exact movie, but it was Bruce Willis. And he said quick,

somebody called the way ambulance when you phrase it

that way when somebody hurt my feelings. So I'm going to

deprive other people of the gospel, or I'm going to deprive

other people of this empowerment or these practical steps. What

if somebody was afraid of being criticized because they found

the key to cancer. And so they didn't speak up because of the

critics and because of Big Pharma and because of the

backlash. And so as a result, we had people still dying. I mean,

that is it's a selfish act. We have been gifted. You know, it's

the talent story. I told my best friend recently, I said, who if

I never figured you for a digger. He said, What? I said,

You're a digger. You're digging and hiding that talent. That's a

shame. Hate to hear that, that surprises me. And that's all I

had to say. Because he's familiar with the story, right?

We can either multiply the talents, we can at least invest

them and get a small return on the investment, or we can dig

and hide and bury them, which does not behoove the master.

Carrie, this is so insightful. And I think there's

some real deep rooted psychology that we're talking about here

that really affects people. I have one random off the wall

question that I want to ask you. Those are my favorite as we were

wrapping up. But before we do that, where can people go to get

a copy of the Barefoot Executive, read more about you,

etc, etc.

Yeah, so Amazon has my book, the audio

version is actually an award winner. So if you'd like to, you

know, Southern drawl, I do read it, but you can find it at any

major online bookseller. It's also available in Kindle. My

site is Carrie wilkerson.com I spoke carry the way Stephen King

spelled it way back in the day the bloody prom queen. I'm there

too.

All right. So here's my last question. This is my random

question. What is something that you have changed your mind on

recently? In other words, you had A definitive opinion about

something, and then something happened to you and you no

longer feel the way that you used to feel about whatever that

thing was.

Hmm, that's a tough question. Because I

probably would have said a couple of years ago that people

don't really change their mind. But I do believe that the core

of all personal development is just a matter of changing your

mind. So, and this will sound very narcissistic, and selfish,

but it is what it is. And I think everybody listening can

relate to that. I have just recently changed my mind and

decided that I'm beautiful. How's that? And I know that

sounds weird. people that really know my story, know that I've

lost a ton of weight. When I was in junior high. I remember a

day, and I have a great family. I adore my family have all

brothers. I asked my mom, Mom, do you think I'm pretty? I was

getting out of the car to go into school? Do you think I'm

pretty? And she said, Oh my goodness, I wouldn't give birth

to a Warthog. Now get out and go to go into class. Well, that's

not what I needed to hear. I needed to know that I was

attractive, I needed to know, every preteen girl needs to know

that she's got some features that are beautiful, or at least

that she can work with them. And so, so my whole life, I've kind

of functioned on the basis of Well, I'm not a warthog, so

there's that. Right. So with that just recently, you know,

after losing weight, and then learning how to work with some

tools like 120 pounds 140. Now Yeah, I now have lost more than

I am. Yeah. And I just had a photo shoot last week. And I'm

looking at those photos. And I'm like, wow, they did so good.

Look how pretty I look at and the feedback I'm getting is no

carry that really is you that really is you you are that

person. It's not just that you're not a warthog, you are

that person. But let me give you another example. My daughter,

she's a musical theater actress. She's pretty amazing. And she

wants to be on Broadway. And she's always told herself, she

was not an athlete. She was an artist, not an athlete. She's an

artist, but she just changed schools. And she decided that

being on the cheer team would put her in a leadership position

would help her be more visible to new people, and would get her

involved in a deeper level. She didn't just want to be in the

crowd and trying to break her weight yet. And so she made a

choice to be on the cheer team. She has changed her mind. It's

been phenomenal to watch. Within the last two weeks, she has

changed her mind that Yes, she is an athlete, she has started

working out, she started eating differently. She started

carrying herself differently. You know, her energy is

different. It's been really phenomenal to watch someone

change their core belief. And now she'll say she's an artist

and an athlete. And so those are two examples. But I think we

have to sometimes this is an old improv actor trick, but you

sometimes have to believe as if before it can ever happen. So

the Bible says As a Man Thinketh right as a man thinketh in his

heart, so is he. And that's the core of all what people call

positive thinking. We have to believe it in order to fulfill

it. Because if we don't believe it, it can never be fulfilled.

And even if it is fulfilled, we cannot embrace it. And we

sabotage it. Think of lottery winners and people that lose and

regain and lose and regain weight or that divorce and they

go through that same pattern over and over with the same kind

of relationships, we have to believe at first, changing your

mind about who you are or who you are, or what you can do or

what you can't do or what you do deserve or don't deserve. That's

the core of all personal development that leads to any

kind of greatness in my opinion.

I love that that is such a powerful thing.

The difference it's made to how my girls

believe about themselves has been really eye opening to me, I

really am kind of grieving all those years of me being so

critical of myself and selfish about what I was modeling. So

you know, and it's also never too late. That's another thing

everybody needs to know it's never too late. You can change

your mind about who you are and who you can be even now.

Well, we wish you the best Carrie Wilkerson, thank you so much.

Thanks!