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Most people think of love mostly as a feeling - something you either feel or you don't. But feeling love and doing love are two different things. In long-term relationships, the feeling is often still there, quietly, underneath the busyness of life - but the doing has stopped. And when the doing stops, the feeling starts to feel invisible.

In this episode, Alastair shares the story of a couple who realised love isn't just what you feel - it's what you do. You'll hear how one small shift, choosing a single deliberate act of love each day, changed the entire texture of their relationship, and get simple ways to start: a coffee made unasked, a proper goodbye, or a different question at the end of the day.

Daily Relationship Tips helps couples strengthen relationship communication, rebuild emotional intimacy, restore relationship trust, develop healthy relationship habits, and reconnect before emotional distance becomes permanent.

Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.

Most people think of love mostly as a feeling.

Something you either feel or you don't, or something that happens to you.

But here's what I've noticed across 30 years of working with the couples who stay most deeply in love aren't the ones who feel love most intensely, they're the ones who act on it most consistently.

Hi, I'm Alastair Dues, and welcome to the Daily Relationship Tips Podcast, where I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected, and in love again, one small habit at a time.

Now here's what many people don't realize.

Feeling love and doing love are two different things.

And in long term relationships, the feeling is often there, quietly, underneath the busyness of life.

But the doing has stopped.

And when the doing stops, the feeling starts to feel invisible.

In other words, love is an action.

That's the reframe.

Love is not just what you feel.

Love is what you do.

And that distinction matters enormously, because feelings can go underground without your choosing, but actions are always within your control.

Now, a couple I worked with, I'll call them Joel and Cara, were in a stretch that a lot of couples recognize.

Joel loved Cara.

He had no doubt about that.

But when I asked him what he'd done that week to show her, he went quiet.

I assume she knows, he said.

But what did you actually do?

I asked.

Joel thought about it.

Work had been busy.

They'd managed the house, manage the kids, manage the schedule.

But had they sat down together even once and talked not about logistics but about each other?

He wasn't sure.

In other words, the love was there, but the actions weren't.

And Kara felt it.

But when I introduced Joel to the idea of love as a verb, something shifted in how he thought about the relationship.

It was no longer Do I love her?

A question he'd already answered.

It was, what am I doing to make that love real and visible today?

Joel started small.

He started making Cara coffee in the morning and bringing it to her.

Just because he started leaving a few minutes before he needed to so they could say goodbye properly.

Instead of calling it over his shoulder, he started asking at the end of the day, not how was your day?

But what was the best moment in your day?

Just this small shift in the question created a completely different conversation.

Now, these weren't grand gestures.

They were acts of love.

And Kara felt them.

Not because they were impressive, because they were intentional.

So here's today's Think of love as something you practice, not just something you feel.

And practice means choosing one act each day that communicates I love you and I'm showing you.

It might be making them a drink without being asked, sending a message during the day that has nothing to do with logistics, doing a task they don't enjoy so they don't have to, or giving them your real attention for 20 minutes.

The specific act is almost less important than the intention behind it, because when both people in a relationship are practising love as a verb, choosing actions that make the love visible day after day, something extraordinary builds.

Their relationship becomes a place where love isn't just felt quietly in the background, it's alive in the texture of every ordinary day.

And that quality of active, expressed love is what keeps a relationship truly vibrant across decades.

So do one act of love today.

Start with something small, but something deliberate.

Something that says, you are loved and I love you.

Now, before you go, here's something worth two minutes of your time.

On the homepage at daily relationshiptips.com there's a free quiz that shows you how close or you and your partner really are right now and where your easy wins are hiding.

No guessing, no overwhelm, just a clear picture of where to start.

And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.

Everything you need to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship is waiting for you.

Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.