Join Minister Dre and Lady T as they dive into the complexities of relationships and the timeline of commitment in their latest couple's edition of Ministry After Dark. They tackle the pressing question of how long is too long to date without moving toward marriage, emphasizing that women deserve clarity in their relationships. The conversation highlights the importance of knowing one’s partner and understanding personal readiness for marriage, rather than succumbing to societal pressures. With reflections on their own journey of getting married after just a few months of dating, they share insights on recognizing the right partner and the signs that indicate a meaningful connection. This episode balances humor and heartfelt discussion as they explore love, family, and the choices that shape our lives.

Takeaways:

• The couple reflects on their 15 years of marriage, highlighting both joyous milestones and challenges during that time.
• The conversation emphasizes the importance of knowing your partner within a few months of dating before considering marriage.
• They discuss the pressure from society, especially the church, on young adults to marry before they are ready.
• Lady T stresses that individuals should seek God for guidance rather than being rushed into marriage by external expectations.
• Dre and Lady T share insights on how understanding and respect in a relationship can lead to a successful marriage.
• The episode concludes with a reminder that everyone has their own timeline and shouldn't be judged for their relationship choices.

Hey, what's going on?

This is brother Dre on the mic, and welcome to ministry after dark, aka the after party.

This is where we talk about the things that you would normally talk about during.

I mean, excuse me, after church service.

You know, we have those little conversations that we like to have after service.

And so, you know, these are just basically the things you hear after church.

You talk about after church.

So I got with me, in the studio with me right now, my love, my life, the woman I work for, my wife, lady T.

What's going on, baby?

Hello.

Nothing much going on.

I like that intro.

That's what's.

I mean, it's an intro that you are quite deserving of.

Of course, for those who don't know, we just celebrated 15 years.

Yes, 15 years of marriage.

Okay.

And, you know, we had some plans, but we couldn't follow through with them because at the same time, we had a death in the family.

And so, you know, unfortunately, we couldn't do the things that we wanted to do.

Isn't it funny how you can hit certain milestones that you want to celebrate, and then right behind that, you have something that is, you know, maybe not so celebratory or hurtful, you know?

You understand what I'm saying?

I understand what you're saying.

But on the other hand, it's family.

It is family.

And we love family.

We make sacrifices for family.

It is family.

I still enjoyed being with my lovely husband.

I still enjoyed being with him, spending time with him, having some days off together, which we don't normally have.

Right.

But we was able to spend time together and do some things, as well as spend time with family during the time of bereavement.

Yeah.

So it was.

It was all good.

It was all good.

Bittersweet, but it was.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I.

You know, you always want to try to make your wife happy.

I'm just glad I got a wife that understands and didn't hold it against me.

Y'all, I've heard so many different stories about how when a woman want what they want, they just wanted.

And if you can't supply what they want, they just don't want you no more.

But I'm glad I got a wife.

Those are women down the street.

Not this woman.

Those are the women down the street.

Exactly.

So, you know, we gonna get into some things, but.

So you just feeling okay?

You feeling all right?

Yes, I'm good.

Okay.

Okay.

So I'm gonna play this first clip, and I wanna get your thought about it.

You know, this is ministry.

After dark.

And so.

So we gonna dig right into it.

All right?

Don't try to let these men date you for 20 years.

They should know by now, either I'm the one or I'm not.

They gonna keep dangling me around like a carrot.

And I'm wondering, is it gonna be this year?

Is it gonna be this Valentine's Day?

Is he gonna do it this Christmas?

This your 20th year?

No more.

No more.

He better see the oil on your life, or he's gonna miss it.

Whoever that's for you better grab it.

My husband knew in two days that we got married in five months.

Come on, now.

My flesh is hot.

My mama gonna keep me.

If she here.

I'm doing stuff I ain't got no business doing.

So where we get married, I got to be preaching, and I don't want to be feeling guilty up there preaching to folks, and they live it.

Right.

So we got to get married tomorrow.

God said, you win.

I meant, let's do this.

We'll learn each other all the way.

And we learn it, baby.

Well, well, well.

Um.

Yeah, so.

I mean, total agreement.

No man shouldn't be dating a woman for 20 years.

Okay?

That's married life.

Yeah, that is a lot.

And I think she's exaggerating just a little bit, but let's talk about it.

Okay.

So, you know, she was saying 20 years.

You know, people don't know how long it took for us, and I'm not gonna, you know, put that out there just yet.

Well, I guess we can.

It wasn't a year.

It wasn't a year.

It wasn't a year.

We got married after, what, six months?

Was it six months, seven months, something like that.

Something like that.

And, you know, so we got married by the world standards fairly quickly.

And like I said in the opening, we've been married for 15 years now.

15 pretty good years.

Of course, every marriage has their low points, and we never been one to be fighting each other and stuff like that.

So we've had a.

I think we've had a pretty good run.

Yes.

If people knew the story of our marriage.

Oh, Lord Jesus, that's for another time, just all the extra stuff.

So let me ask you.

She said 20.

She said that they should know fairly quickly what's an acceptable time to.

What's an acceptable waiting time.

Is.

Is the message.

Is five years too long?

I think it is five years.

What about two years?

Maybe?

Two years is kind of.

Maybe, but that's pushing it.

I feel like if you're.

If you're dating, you'll know within a few months if that's the one.

You know, within a few months.

You know, within a few months.

What do we do?

We, we started dating.

We had conversations.

We spent time with one another.

What we do, we backed away.

We prayed.

We sought God.

If you seeking God, God will let you know.

God is not going to take five years to answer you, to tell you whether that's the one or whether, you know, this relationship is true or this person have your back or your best interest.

You know?

God ain't gonna take five years.

I don't think God's gonna take five years to answer that question.

True.

True.

Okay.

Well, okay, so, no, you won't take.

Five years, but depends on the people.

It depends on the people where they are.

Uh huh.

But, so, I mean, okay, so when did you know I was the one?

Well, I've never asked you this question, but I'm gonna ask you right now in front of everybody.

Well, he put me on the spot, but nevertheless, I knew you were the one.

After spending many nights conversating and talking and feeling you out and I, and whatever and praying and asking God.

But it was like in, within a few months, I knew you were the one.

You had all the qualities that I was looking for.

You had all the qualities.

First of all, you are saved and love God.

Uh huh.

But wait a minute.

You know, some of them saved.

Some saved dudes can.

Yeah, but see, when you, when you got a spirit, when you got a spirit of discernment and you got, you're dating somebody that respects you and you respected me as who I was, and that was a big plus.

Okay?

So, you know, after a few months of us dating and talking and spending time and getting to know one another, I knew you were the one.

Okay.

Okay.

I had a battle within myself.

And so what was the battle?

The age.

The age I didn't, I didn't want.

And I was like, God.

That was my biggest question.

Like, God, the age difference.

It's like, you know, and it's like God said, like, you know, who I put together, just like in a marriage vow when you get married, who I put together, you know, no man can put asunder.

So, you know, and it's not about the age per se, but it's about, for me, it was about the respect, the love for God and ministry, and ministry was already there.

So, you know.

So when you say ministry, what do you mean by that?

I mean ministry, because I'm learning.

I'm learning to y'all exactly how this.

Came about, ministry, being in ministry, talking about the word of God, demonstrating your anointing, see you in action, being in ministry, you know, what you call it, full fledged or full pledge or whatever, but being in ministry, praise and worship.

But you knew how to minister the word.

You knew how to work a crowd.

You know how to get to people, to minister to them, you know, you know how to open that door, get in, do what you had to do, and, you know, and God will come in and bless.

And I just love the way you worship.

You know, you notice right before we started dating, I always used to bother you when we was at praise and worship practice.

Yeah.

And see, that anointing, that, that anointing draws people.

So, and I think a lot of, lot of, lot of men and women get mixed up.

You know, they are drawn to that anointing, but sometimes they are drawn in the wrong way.

Yeah.

So they, they fall in love or they are infatuated with that anointing because, you know, that anointing, they see you in action, it just does something.

But then again, you know, it got to be both ways.

You can't be in ministry.

And then I'm got my back and I'm going a different direction.

It's got to be on one accord.

Well, I mean, I don't think both people have to be in ministry.

No, you don't have to be in.

Ministry, but I understand what you're saying.

You know, you definitely got to, both of you got to love the Lord, you know, and both of you got to be supportive of each other.

That's it.

I think what drew me to you, which was scary.

It was really scary.

I think I figured out you was the one when I started to really feel you.

And I don't mean like, oh, yeah, she cool or whatever, but it was one of those things where, like, I could be 30, 40 miles away.

Oh, yeah.

And I would know something's wrong with you.

Like, and, and it's like, okay, let me call and see what's going on.

That's crazy.

That was crazy because both of us.

Was the same way.

Yeah.

I'm like, what's going?

I'm like, what's wrong?

You like, what do you mean what's wrong?

How you know something's wrong.

I'm like, I can, I just know.

And so it just became, you know, that scared me.

And then the fact that, you know, you already had a, what people call a pre made family or whatever, that, that was a little scary for a number of reasons, but no, but it was just a thing where I just.

I just knew, like, I just knew.

Another thing that another plus for you.

I put it like, that was, my kids, they loved you.

They adored you.

When you didn't come around or when you had to work and you didn't come.

And I would mess with them.

They like, mama, where's mom?

Where's Andre?

He's not coming today.

I'm like, nah, we.

You know, we decided.

Mama, why?

What did you do?

What did you do?

What did you do?

They adored you, you know, and other guys that tried to talk to me, you know, they were like, well, mom, if you happy, you know, we just want you happy.

But when you came around, it was a different story.

It was a different.

Look, mama, he respects you.

He helps you.

He show that he loves you.

I mean, the kids, they was like, wow.

And, you know, it's not like we did a whole bunch.

Like, I didn't talk to the kid.

I really didn't know him like that.

But I guess when, you know, see, this is a lesson for every parent.

There may be somebody right now who's saying, like, I don't know if my kids are going to be accepting, and I got to introduce them to the kids and this and this and that.

Let me tell you something.

These kids be watching.

You think they ain't watching?

These kids are watching.

And they understand who that man or who that woman is because there's a lot of single fathers out here, too.

They understand who they are, who you messing with, and if there's any.

Any positive coming from that person, they know.

But, you know, she said she should know within a few months.

I think I agree.

I think I agree.

I would say the most.

I would give it for.

From a man's name, just talk from a man's point of view.

A man, I think, would know if he really spends time with that woman, I think he'll know within three, four months whether she's viable.

And then I think it probably takes maybe another four months to see if he could actually deal with, you know, her family.

And I'm not saying.

I'm not even saying she has a.

If she has a premade family.

I'm just talking about her side of the family, because that plays an important part, too.

And you got to.

You got to think or.

Or make it known.

Okay?

Can I deal with that?

You know, and if not, then, hey, you know, you might have to make a change or you might have to make some rules.

But anyway.

Mmm.

Five, six.

Yeah, I can go with it.

All right, well, hope you enjoyed that segment.

Let's go to the next one.

Say this, and I'm going to move on.

I'm going to say it fast.

I'm going to say it fast.

I don't know why a 30 year old man, a 40 year old man, a 29 year old man in this day and time is not married, especially if he's in the church.

Something's wrong.

Because ain't no such thing as telling me you can't.

I just.

I'm just waiting, uh, for the right one.

Everywhere you look, you see single sisters everywhere in the church.

I mean, everyone.

Beautiful women, smart, intelligent, educated, praise the Lord, got it going on.

Articulate, living holy.

And if you come to prayer meeting, you find out they want to get married because they're praying for a husband.

Nothing wrong with that.

That's not a criticism.

The problem is, the question is, man, what's wrong with you?

Okay, listen.

All right.

Um, this is.

I don't even remember this pastor's name, but he's been very prominent lately.

But it doesn't matter what his name is.

So if a man, based on what he said, if a man decides he don't want to get married at the tender age of 25, something wrong with him?

Let me just say this.

Um, first of all, I disagree.

I totally disagree.

I feel like you should get married when you feel comfortable getting married, and then sometimes you just.

You just don't want it.

Everybody's not marriage material.

Everybody's not marriage material.

I mean, how can you.

How can you say that something's wrong with me just because I don't want to get married?

You know, I understand that.

That is a lot of people's dream, a lot of women's dream.

Maybe women more than men.

You know, I'm not sure.

I'm just guessing, but how are you going to criticize a man who is telling you I don't want to get married, at least not right now.

Why does something have to be wrong with him?

I mean, Jesus wasn't married.

He wasn't married at all.

And so, I mean, I just don't understand how he could say that with a straight face.

What do you think?

I disagree, too, because everybody, I mean, it's not a.

It's not a.

It's not a.

It's not a set age, right, that people have to get married.

It's not like you got to be married by the time you get 40 or 30 or whatever.

Some people wants to work their career before they get married.

Right.

And some people just want to do other things before they get married.

They want to make sure they're ready.

I rather you take that time to get married at 40, then marrying it at 30.

And, you know, you not ready to break my heart.

Right.

You know, or to leave me, you know, for some, someone else or something else.

So I think it's up to that individual, and it's nothing wrong with the man that's not married.

There's nothing wrong with a woman that's not married.

Exactly.

It's their preference, you know?

And like me myself, I know marriage material.

Mm hmm.

Some other people might say, well, I'll never get married or I'll never get married again.

That's their preference.

That's it.

They didn't, maybe they didn't enjoy being married, or maybe they was hurt, you know, and they feel like they're going to be hurt again.

But whatever the reason is, it's a person's decision, right.

No man, no, no.

No man of God, no preacher, no pastor, no apostle cannot tell a man or a woman when to get married.

Right.

And I'll say, for men, you know, you made a good point.

I rather you said, I'd rather you be honest with me than to break my heart.

So, you know, you got.

But you see this a lot, and I will say I've seen it more in certain sectors of ministry.

You know, you got, well, I won't mention which one I'm thinking about, but I I've seen it in certain sectors.

And when I say sectors, I'm talking like Pentecostal, Baptists, Church of God in Christ, things of that nature.

I've seen it in certain sectors more than others.

And you're talking about, okay, this man's 25, and you're pressuring him to get married.

And then let's just say it's church and God in Christ, right?

I.

Okay, so let's just say church and God in Christ.

You say you're pressuring the guy to get married.

Okay, so now he gets married before he's ready.

Let's say he got mad at 25, then he gets divorced.

Okay?

Now, you know, he done, he got divorced because he wasn't ready.

It was his fault.

He was still out there just doing the most right now.

And I believe, I could be wrong, but I believe they, they frown heavily on divorce.

You know, it's one of those ones where they slight.

No, you stay mad for ever, you know?

So I'm like, why would you put him through hell?

Why would you put that woman through hell, all for the sake of saying, oh, yeah, this young man, you know, he got married.

He's doing the right thing.

You know what I mean?

It's just, and if you're in in the church, just like you say you're in and you're in the church, it doesn't matter.

It don't matter.

It does not matter whether you're in the church or not.

The main thing is if you in the church, you hear God, right?

That's the main thing.

You know, it's not because you saved a are you in the church?

You got to be married.

If you desire to be married, you know, and nothing wrong with desiring to be married, then, you know, God said, he that finds the wife finding the good thing.

So if that's what you want, you know, then that's what you do.

But nothing wrong with being in ministry maybe, you know, at 25, the tender age of 25, you might be just finishing college or you might still be in college, right?

And are you, you just finishing, you trying to get a career started?

Yeah.

And, you know, so, so now you're working, ready for a marriage because, you know, your career is taking up all of your time.

You don't have time for a wife or kids.

You know, kids, God forbid kids come along and you're trying to start something.

So it's up to that individual.

And I feel like no minister should bash a man or woman about getting married, right?

And you talking about careers.

You know, you want to be able to supply for this woman, and everybody can't supply for a family at 25.

And then here's the other thing that, you know, you got to consider, and I'm so glad we're having this conversation.

But here's another thing you got to consider, okay?

He's going after his career or she's going after her career.

And, you know, but you've been pressured by the church to get married like before.

You miss your prime, quote unquote prime good years, which I don't even understand.

They talking about having a family and everything, but you.

So they're pressuring you to get married before you miss your prime good years.

And, but, okay, you get married now, your career stalls.

Now you looking at your spouse with resentment.

If I would, if I would have just, if I was all alone, I could have did this.

If I didn't, if I didn't have this family, I could do this.

And that's how women end up on 48 hours and on lifetime.

We have those movies come out where the man done killed a woman and put him in the lake.

Took out his frustration on that one.

Yeah.

Or I've seen somewhere the women, you know, they end up killing the man, poisoning the man, because they trying to get away from this life that people said they ought to have.

I just don't understand how you can bash a man or a woman, as you said.

Who says I'm just not ready?

To me, that is absolutely smart.

It doesn't say in the Bible a man got to be married.

Nope.

And if my savior didn't get married.

Yes.

Then said he that findeth a wife.

If he looking for a wife, he'll find one.

But if he's not looking for one, why pressure him and to get married?

And then maybe he just want to fulfill ministry, right.

You know, and he just not ready right now because, you know, he can't give all of his attention to the ministry like he want to when he got a wife because he has to give.

Have.

He has to give that wife attention as well.

Right?

So, you know, I mean, shoot, Jesus wasn't married.

Elijah wasn't married.

Elisha wasn't married.

Who was?

Paul married.

Paul wasn't married.

So guess what you kept.

You can keep.

You can stop talking to me.

I ain't even trying to hit.

But anyway, you know, point.

The moral of the story is, it's your choice.

It's your choice.

It's your choice.

Devil is a liar, God is a song.

Never been free, never beat it.

Devil is alive victory is mine.

Yeah, oh, God.

Devil is a liar.

Yeah, oh, God.

I.

Devil is a liar, yeah.

Victory is mine.

Victory is mine.

Victory is mine.

Victory is mine.

The devil is a liar.

The devil is a liar.

Amen.

Amen.

I just want to leave that song with you all.

Just.

That's something that's been kind of viral lately with Lisa Page Brooks.

What you heard just now was Jabari Johnson, who actually remixed the song and made such a beautiful song out of that viral clip.

We're getting ready to end, but I just want you to know that the devil is a liar.

I don't care what you're going through, whatever you're facing on today, the devil is a liar.

It doesn't matter what the doctor said.

It doesn't matter what people may say.

The job may say, what the news may say.

The devil is a liar.

You got the victory.

You got the victory.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

So hope that you enjoyed this episode of ministry after dark.

It was very entertaining to me, very good to me.

Hope you got something out of it.

If you did, definitely reach out to us and let us know so we can do some more like this.

Or maybe if you have a question that you want to ask or maybe there's a clip that you want played and you want to get our input on it, let us know.

Until next time, this is Minister Dre on the mic and my baby, Miss Lady T.

And we will see you next time.