You love the sun and the warmth - but with it comes that summer “bikini body dread”. What will I look like in a bikini? Can I wear sleeveless tops? Why do I still feel like this even though I swore I'd sort it out last year?

In this episode, I'm breaking down why body image anxiety happens at this time of year, what's really driving that panic, and how to be more confident this summer without having to drop a single lb (hint: you don’t have to suddenly “love your body”)

I'll also share the "pool praise party" exercise that helps you stop judging other bodies (and your own), and why body acceptance NOW- not after you've lost the weight- is the only way forward.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

• Bikini body dread isn't about your body—it's about your relationship with it. What you think your body says about your worth, discipline, and value and how that’s driving your anxiety.
• Why you can't hate yourself into confidence. Panic dieting before a holiday won't make you feel good in a bikini if you haven't made peace with your body first.
• Try the "pool praise party" exercise: When you catch yourself scanning and judging other bodies, pay each person a silent compliment instead. You can't judge other bodies without reinforcing the system that judges yours - this is how you stop playing the game.

NEXT:

1. Join me inside The Body You’ll Love Living In to make peace with your body before summer arrives

2. Follow me on Instagram

3. Share this with a friend who needs to hear it!

Welcome to the Busy Woman's Guide to Fitness and Wellness, where we celebrate you exactly as you are and help you to be the fit, strong, confident woman you deserve to be.

We tackle everything from diet, culture and body image through to how to let go of the hustle, the pressure and the overwhelm and find your balance and energy in a busy life.

I'm Alex, women's fitness and wellness expert, therapeutic coach, founder of Life Edit with Alex and mum of two, and I'm here with your weekly dose of inspiration, helping you to rewrite the rules and live, live life on your own terms.

Hello.

Welcome back to the podcast this week.

Amazing to have you here as always.

And before we get started today, I just want to take a little moment to celebrate because this episode actually marks five years since I launched this podcast and it's been such a labor of love over the years.

I've produced an episode every single week.

I think, literally apart from two weeks over Christmas each year when I take a couple of weeks off, I put an episode every single week.

So a lot of energy, a lot of love gets poured into this.

A lot of planning, a lot of thinking about what is it that my audience want and need.

But it's also one of the things that I'm most proud of as well.

So I want to celebrate that a little bit because we're always a bit rubbish, aren't we, at taking that moment and celebrating the things that we've done really well.

But I also want to say thank you for being here, because without anyone listening, then there's not really a lot of point to the podcast, is there?

So I'm happy to say that you are out there listening, you're enjoying it, and I really appreciate the lovely feedback.

I often find that when new clients start working with me, they will often mention the podcast and how that was the start of their thinking process around working with me because it started to really change their perspective on a lot of things.

And that pushed them into feeling like, actually, this is something that I can do, this is something that I can change, and this is something that I want to change as well, actually.

And so they've then come to work with me.

So I know that the podcast is really hitting the spot.

I know it's doing its job.

But yeah, a big thank you to you guys, because without you, there is no podcast.

And the other thing I want to celebrate as well is that I noticed the other day that I had gone past 75,000 downloads as well, so quickly heading towards 80,000 at the moment.

So an amazing milestone to celebrate there as well.

And I know that I may not have the biggest podcast going.

I know I may not get millions and millions of downloads and millions of listeners, but those download numbers, honestly, they're so, so exciting to see.

And it just tells me that you're back listening every week.

It is offering some kind of value to you and you enjoy listening.

So thank you for being here.

But like I say, also just celebrating, because we never do that for ourselves, right?

We never remember the good stuff that we're doing and actually manage to celebrate that.

Anyway, enough of all of that, because this week's episode is something that is likely pretty common right now, and that is the dread that you might be experiencing about the summer coming up.

And the thing is, we're often in two minds about this, aren't we?

Because on the one hand, you love the summer, you love the warmth, you love the longer, lighter days.

You always say to yourself, oh, I always feel so much better at this time of year.

Everything just feels that little bit lighter, that little bit easier.

But there is a big but that comes with that as well, because alongside that, there's also this little fizz of worry about exposing your body again.

So for some women, it's going to be what their tummy is going to look like in a bikini on the beach.

For others, it's going to be getting their arms out in a sleeveless top.

A lot of women say that to me.

For me personally, it's always my legs, because they are pale, they are pasty, and I've always got at least a couple of bruises on them.

So that's the thing for me, that I'm like, oh, I don't want to get my legs out.

And, you know, I'm gonna be honest.

I'm.

I'm.

I'm guilty of wearing long dresses all the time or floaty trousers, because then I don't have to.

Number one, I don't have to faff around with fake tan all the time, because every year I say to myself, I'm gonna do it this year.

I'm gonna go, reg.

Gradual.

I don't do proper fake tan because I always feel like I'm too pale for that.

But I do like that.

The gradual tan.

I'm like, no, that's it.

I'm going to commit to doing it every couple of days.

And then, of course, I forget.

And so the legs stay pale and pasty and like I say, usually bruised as well.

So I am definitely guilty of that myself.

But do you Know what?

The last couple of years, as I have really worked on my relationship with my body, I've started to wear shorts and things like that.

I've started to get my legs out and I've stopped being quite so bothered about it.

I mean, it still crosses my mind, but I've stopped being quite so bothered.

But I think, you know, wherever we are, we've all got a thing, haven't we?

We've all got that thing that we're thinking, oh, God, I love the warmth, but I hate that I now have to get out of my jeans and jumpers, which helped me to cover things up that I didn't particularly like about myself.

And it's such a common experience.

So I want to dive into that today and look at what is really going on.

When that dread starts to show itself, when that voice starts getting annoyed at you, because last year you were like, I'm definitely going to sort myself out for next summer.

I'm definitely don't want to feel like this.

I want to feel confident when I start to get my body out again.

And yet you feel like you're just back in the same place again.

So what is that dread really about?

And look, we think it's about our body, per se.

We think it's specifically about what my body looks like and what I think it should look like, but it's actually about your relationship with your body.

It's about what you think your body means about you.

And I think this is such an important distinction that I want to get really early on in this episode, because I think that we, yes, we have all of those messages and stories and beliefs about what a healthy body should look like.

And we think that it is a relatively narrow understanding of that, isn't it?

As a society, we have created a very narrow understanding of what that is.

And we think that that is what it's about.

But actually, when we look a little bit underneath, and certainly when I work with my clients, we start to realize it's not actually about the body, it's actually about what you make that mean about you.

So what you think your body means, about your worth, about your discipline, about your value and feel, feeling like when your body doesn't look the way that you want it to, the way you think it should do, that it means that you aren't disciplined enough, that it means that you don't have your shit together, that it means that you've let yourself go, that you're not living up to a particular version of yourself, that you're trying to create.

And I often find that women who achieve lots in other areas of their lives do really struggle with this one because they create very high expectations for themselves.

And a lot of the women that I work with, they are women who have good careers, they've had the promotions, they're doing really well at work, they've got the family life, they are running that really smoothly.

They are doing all the things.

Yeah, they're really, really busy, but they seem to or they feel like they've got that act together in so, so many areas of their lives.

And so if this is one area where they feel like they're letting themselves down, then that suddenly starts to mean a lot about them.

It suddenly starts to mean a lot about their discipline and their value.

Even though they've got all of these other amazing things that they can look at in their lives, we start to get a bit hyper focused on this.

So I think that it, it often is something that particularly happens to that group of women.

And I know that because those are the women that I work with, those are the women that come to me.

They often don't necessarily want to come for help at first because they're like, well, I figured all these other things out, so I should be able to figure this one out as well, right?

But just because you figured a lot of stuff out does not mean you necessarily have figured this out.

Because like I say, this is not about finding a better strategy or a better technique or a better way of working or a more productive way of working.

This is about what's going on underneath.

This is about what you think your body says about you.

That ultimately is the thing that is making you feel a bit rubbish, making you worry about getting your body out, making you worry ultimately about what other people are going to think about you.

Because if you didn't worry about that, then you would just get out there and flaunt that body and it would not be a problem at all.

So what we're really dreading is being measured against a particular standard.

Either one that's external to you, one that's reflected in what you see on Instagram, et cetera, or one that you've created for yourself.

So, for example, people will often say to me, oh, I really want to look like it did when I was 25, or why does my body not look like it did before I had kids?

You know, time is in our lives when we were younger for a start, and we all know that youth, when we've got youth on our side, this stuff, it is Easier.

It definitely is easier.

But also looking back at an idealized version of you, a time when you perceived yourself as being more disciplined, a time when you perceived yourself as living in a body that was more worthy.

And so we have lots and lots of different standards that we're measuring ourselves against.

And when we don't measure up to those, to either the external version of what we think we should look like or that old version of ourselves, then we think that that means something about us in the here and the now.

But what I really want you to know is your body does not say any of those things about you.

This is about your perception.

And the problem is that when we get into that perception of I'm not worthy, I've been lazy.

I haven't done what I said I was gonna do.

I haven't been consistent enough this year.

I haven't been determined enough this year.

I haven't been disciplined enough this year.

My body doesn't look the way that I want it to.

Then what we end up doing is, rather than looking at that, looking at that relationship, we go into panic dieting again.

So we're trying to get ahead of things before the summer arrives and we're going, oh, my God, it's only two months before I go on that holiday.

I've got to get myself sorted out now if I want to look okay on beach or we're avoiding things, we're avoiding events, we're avoiding beach trips, we're avoiding pool days and things like that, because we would rather avoid that than we would get our body out and for other people to see our body.

Or we maybe say, yes, but then spend the week before in a spiral of, oh, my God, I've got to get the right swimming costume so that it covers up this part of me and covers up that part of me.

We end up looking for the quick fix.

We end up considering things that maybe we had always sworn that we would never do.

We end up standing in front of our wardrobe thinking, I've just got nothing to wear.

Because we do that thing, don't we?

Of thinking, I'll buy myself some new stuff when I've lost the weight.

I've heard this a lot of times from women who are saying to me, oh, God, I'm so fed up with my clothes.

They all look a bit rubbish.

They don't really fit very well.

They're all a bit old, they're a bit stretched out.

But there's no point in me buying anything now because I still want to lose the weight.

And I think I'm not here to persuade you to go out and buy a loan of clothes just for the sake of it.

But what I am saying is you deserve to feel good right here, right now.

You deserve to feel that you can open your wardrobe and you can pick something out and it's going to fit on your body properly and it is going to feel good.

So we end up doing all of those things, we end up going into panic mode and starting to do things which are not necessarily extreme, but starting to do things which speak to the panic that we are feeling inside.

And of course, as we get closer and closer and closer to that event, to that, that holiday, whatever it is, it kind of starts to get a little bit worse and we get in our heads about it.

And that costs time, it costs energy, it costs headspace.

The mental real estate it takes up is huge.

And I really want to ask you right now, how much of your brain is currently occupied by this?

We're coming up to the summer and I want you to think honestly about what are your thoughts about the summer?

Are you beginning to worry about getting your arms out?

Are you beginning to worry about whether you can wear a bikini this year or if you need to buy some kind of tummy control swimsuit?

Are you starting to think, oh, I really need to just be really good, really watch what I'm eating for the next couple of months, that I feel okay on the beach.

How much of your headspace is being taken up by that right now?

Because I know certainly for me back in the day that was thinking about a holiday coming up and spending probably, I'm gonna say, at least six weeks beforehand, kind of restricting even more, watching what I was eating even more, because I felt like I've really got to make sure that I drop at least half a stone before I go, because otherwise I'm not going to feel good about myself.

And I think there's a lot of that in there as well.

If I do not look like that, or if I do not weigh that, or if I am not that dress size before I go, before I have to get my body out, then I am going to feel crap about myself.

There's never a conversation about actually how do I just allow myself to feel okay now rather than how do I just beat myself up for not looking the way that I want to and kind of knowing that I'm going to feel crappy anyway.

And look, honestly, I used to do that and I'd still get there and I'd get in my swimming costume and I'd get out by the pool and I would feel so self conscious.

It would go after a couple of days once I got used to it and once I got used to having my body out again.

But my God, I used to feel so self conscious at first, pulling that tummy in and covering over the bits that I didn't like, even with the couple of months beforehand of the extra restriction and the extra being good.

And I really noticed, actually I went to visit a friend in Brazil a little while ago and we went out onto the beach, onto Ipanema beach.

It was absolutely rammed.

And do you know what?

It was one of the first times.

Well, not one of the first times, probably one of the first few times that I've just stood there in my bikini and felt okay about it and not particularly worried about it, not particularly been fussed about what my body looked like or what other people were thinking of me.

And that was a really interesting thing because like I say, the last few times that I've been on a holiday, I've really not been that bothered.

Well, certainly less so than I used to be.

I'm not going to say that I'm, you know, completely unselfconscious all the time, but certainly it was a huge change.

And that's because I had done that work on my body image and what my body or what I made my body mean about me.

And I think particularly as a fitness professional, of course, when you see fitness professionals online, they've got a six pack, they've got the skinny legs, they've got all of those things, they've got all of the signifiers of health and wellness.

They're not actually signifiers of health and wellness.

They're signifiers of you've lifted a lot of weights and eaten a lot of protein and that's absolutely fine.

But I think as a fitness professional, I always thought my body is also my calling card.

So there was that extra layer of pressure that I would put on myself, even though nobody on that beach knows that I do what I do, right, it doesn't matter.

And even if they did, so fricking what?

So, yeah, that was the first time that I'd actually felt not particularly self conscious about getting my body out.

So anyway, I've gone a little bit off track there.

But yes, what I'm really saying to you is where you are right now, thinking ahead to the summer right now, where is your headspace?

What is your brain occupied by?

Is it occupied by, oh, I'm not sure I can wear A bikini this summer.

Is it occupied by, I really need to get a flat tummy by July.

Is it occupied by, what can I do to keep my body covered up by the pool?

Is it occupied by, I really need to, to dig in and go harder with this diet.

Because if it is occupied by, how can I change myself before I go away?

Because changing myself is the only way that I will feel good about myself.

Then it's time to have a look at that relationship.

It's time to have a think about, okay, what am I making this mean about me?

So if this is where you are right now, I want to invite you to do this instead.

So I think first of all, separate out your body from the relationship that you have with it.

So I'm going to give you a little example here.

So we've got say a woman who, she's always been a size 20, but she's lost a load of weight and she is now a size 14.

She feels amazing, she is loving that she can go into any old shop and she can get clothes, she's not having to go to plus size shops anymore.

And she feels genuinely great about what she's achieved.

So she's in a size 14 and she feels bloody good about that.

That.

Then we've got another woman.

The other woman was always the size 10.

This goes back to the hankering after the body we had when we were 25 type thing.

So she's always been a size 10, she's never really had to try.

But she's come into menopause, she's gained a couple of dress sizes and she's feeling a bit shit about that.

She's feeling rubbish.

She feels like it's reflecting badly on her that she's been undisciplined, that she hasn't tried hard enough.

Whatever it is, she's mourning the old body that she didn't even have to try to maintain.

But the thing is, she's the same size as the first woman, but instead of feeling great about her body, she's feeling shit about her body.

She feels unhealthy, frustrated, she's getting annoyed with herself.

And the thing is that these women are both the same size, but they both have an extremely different perspective.

And so what I want you to understand is that it's not about the body per se, it's about the per se perspective you have about the body that you're living in right now.

And the thing is we can't hate ourselves into a place where we suddenly love our bodies enough to feel Confident.

Like I said before, I would do that.

I would lose the weight before I went on holiday and I'd still feel super self conscious in the bikini.

I'd still feel like I hadn't done quite enough.

I'd still feel like, well, there was a bit more that I could have lost.

I'd still feel like, oh God, but what about this cellulite?

I'd still feel like, oh, I should be a bit more toned, you know, yada, yada, yada, on and on and on.

All of that stuff would go through my head.

So hating yourself into a place where you feel confident is not going to happen.

We have got to make peace with where we are.

Recognize that it's the relationship we have with the body, not the actual body, that is the important thing.

And I want you to remember as well, your body is not a direct reflection of your worth.

Yes, that's the message that's been sold to us.

So we've been told this is what a healthy body looks like.

This is what a disciplined body looks like.

But the truth is that healthy bodies look lots of different ways and they're allowed to look lots of different ways.

We are all different people, we've got different genetics, we've lived different lives, we have different circumstances.

So that message is, quite frankly, a load of crap.

And our body does not reflect our worth.

So just remembering that trying to separate your worth from your body is really, really important.

And I think get to work on believing in your worth first.

Because when you do that, when you start to believe that you are worthy as you are, then either you get to a point where you just make peace with your body as it is and you realize that you didn't need to change it after all, or you do continue to make changes, but they come from a much more peaceful place.

And I'm just going to share a little exercise with you that I do actually, that really helps me feel, feel better about my body at this time of year.

It stops me from judging myself so harshly.

I'm going to call it the pool praise party.

And this is the, you know, when you're by the pool or wherever it might be, it might be out in the pub, garden, whatever.

And we're noticing people around us, we're scanning other bodies, we're comparing, we're ranking.

It's what we do, it's what we've been trained to do as women, right?

Compare yourself either favorably or otherwise with other women and we kind of feel better when we win.

When we look at somebody's body and go, I look better than her.

But then we feel worse when we lose, when we look at somebody and we're like, oh God, I wish I looked like her.

She looks amazing.

And now I feel rubbish about myself.

So when you're doing that, what I want you to do is take a step back.

I want you to look at those other women and I want you to pay each one a silent compliment.

You don't have to go and tell them, obviously, because that feels a bit weird.

Pay them a silent compliment.

So this is what I do when I'm by the pool.

I look around and I'm like, oh, she's got amazing hair, she's got great legs, or she looks great in that bikini, whatever it might be.

So what I do is I take myself out of comparison.

I take myself out of ranking.

I take myself out of that place where we use other women's bodies as a way to manage our own anxiety about our own own body.

And I put myself into a place where I'm removing myself from the judgment.

Because you cannot judge other people's bodies without reinforcing the system that judges yours.

So every time you scan the pool and you make judgments about other people, good or bad, then you're keeping yourself in that game.

So what this really does is it challenges for you to stop playing the game because society is not going to change for us, it just isn't.

It's got too much to gain by keeping us feeling doubtful, by keeping us in a place where we compare and decide where we place ourselves in the hierarchy.

The change actually comes from us as individuals deciding that we're done judging our worth by what the dress size says and we're actually ready to embrace ourselves as we are.

And again, as I always say, that doesn't mean you can't change from there, but you just do it from a very different place.

So, yeah, have a little word with yourself right now.

What's the mental space that's being used up by thinking about the summer?

And can you start to separate out your actual body from the relationship you have with it?

Can you start to have a look at where is this coming from?

Am I judging my worth on my body as it is right now?

Are there other ways that I can create a better feeling of self worth in myself?

Can I believe in my worth first and foremost without anything else being a part of that?

That so that you can get to a point where you can actually start to feel more comfortable in your body exactly as you are, whether you change it or not where you can come from a place of okay, I feel okay.

I feel at peace.

I'm not going to go around trying to cover myself up and feeling bad about the bits of my body that I don't like.

Which, by the way, most other people aren't even noticing.

They're too busy worrying about their damn selves.

And that's the truth of it it we're all too busy worrying about ourselves to really take that much notice about what other people are doing as well.

So I hope that helps a little bit.

I hope that gives you a new a fresh perspective to think about this with.

Thank you for joining me for my fifth birthday episode as well.

And I'll see you back here again next week with more around Body Image.

But for now, I'm going to love you and leave you and I'll see you back here again next time.

Thank you as always for joining me.

If this episode has hit home, share it with another woman who needs to hear it and come connect with me on Instagram @lifeeditwithalix for more real talk, mindset shifts and daily inspiration.