Dr Demartini shares that integration involves acknowledging all parts of yourself and transforming becoming into being.

This content is for educational and personal development purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any psychological or medical conditions. The information and processes shared are for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental-health or medical advice. If you are experiencing acute distress or ongoing clinical concerns, please consult a licensed health-care provider.

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And the real nature is enlightened inside

and really empowered inside and really

magnificent inside.

But we don't see it because we keep

having this disintegrated state.

We fractionated ourself

with disowning parts.

Have you ever been in a

indecisive mode where you thought,

well part of me wants to do this,

another part wants to do that,

and part of me wants to be this way

and another part wants to be that?

Probably so.

That's when you're kind of fractured

apart and frazzled by decisions in life

and things that you're

perceiving and confronting.

But can you actually be integrated

into one being and be able to be clear

about your objectives?

That's my topic today.

What's the true meaning of

integration? For thousands of years,

there has been in the philosophy

study, a study called ontology.

And that's the study of being and

becoming, or becoming and being.

Our essential nature was being

our existential nature was

becoming. So in other words,

when we go around and

we judge things in life,

I'm sure you've done this in your life

where you've looked up to somebody and

and probably exaggerated who they are

and minimized yourself. When you did,

you fractionated yourself

and fractionated them.

You exaggerated the positives and

minimized the positives in you.

Or maybe you look down on somebody and

you exaggerate the negatives and puffed

yourself up and exaggerated

the positives in you.

Anytime we judge somebody and compare

ourselves to somebody else and put them on

pedestals or pits,

we fractionate ourselves and

we put on personas and masks,

we exaggerate or minimize

ourself instead of be ourself.

But we can take those parts

and integrate them into whole

when we're not judging, when

we actually love somebody.

And that's the integration process.

How to go from parts to whole.

And this is the question that

the philosophers have asked,

becoming ourselves or being our

ourself. When we're in judgment,

we're becoming ourselves in a journey of

personal development, personas, masks,

facades we wear, imposter syndrome.

But when we actually integrate them

and become whole, we are ourself.

And the whole is greater

than the sum of the parts.

There's something emergent about

that that gives us even more power.

So the question's, how do we do that?

How do we take our

parts and make it whole?

How do we take our differentiated

aspects and integrate them,

like the calculus? Well that's very,

that's all based on the questions we ask.

If we see somebody that we

exaggerate and we minimize ourself

and we're too humble to admit

what we see in them inside us,

we're going to play small.

We tend to inject some of their values

because we envy them and try to imitate

them,

inject some of their values and cloud

the clarity of our own mission in life.

And we're trying to live in

their values, which is futile.

And if we look down on them and you

know, minimize them and exaggerate us,

and again be imposter and put on our

facade, that's not who we are either,

that's inauthentic, and what we do is we

try to get them to live in our values,

which is futile.

So anytime we fractionate ourselves and

live by our parts and have a part of us

that wants to do this and a part of it

wants to do that which are imposters,

then what we do is we end up disempowering

ourselves and we try to change others

relative to us or us relative to

others, both of which are futile,

both of which then gives us feedback

that that's not our authentic self.

What if you found out that everything

that's going on in your life,

your physiology with your symptoms,

your psychology with your intuition,

your sociology with your praises and

reprimands and responses from people,

even your theology with

your tragedies and comedies,

what if you found out that all of

them were trying to help you become

integrated, authentic and

back into a balanced state?

Not judging in imposter syndrome.

What if you found out that the way

to integrate that is to ask quality

questions? Because when you're

infatuated with somebody,

you're conscious of their upsides, but

you're unconscious of the downsides.

If you're resentful to somebody

you're conscious of their downsides,

unconscious if their upsides.

And when you're exaggerating

yourself or minimizing yourself,

you're splitting yourself up into

conscious and unconscious halves.

But you can be fully conscious by asking

the question; when you're infatuated,

what are their downsides? When

you're minimizing yourself,

what are your upsides?

The quality of your life's based on

the quality of the questions you ask.

If you ask questions that balance things,

you integrate yourself and

you have pure integration,

authenticity, if you want

to call it that. Equanimity.

All these are kind of different

aspects of the same state.

Different philosophers, thought

leaders, or psychologists,

or sociologists have different

names for the same basic state.

So the question is, is what

are the key questions? Well,

I've been working on that since

I was 18 years old, really.

And I've been doing it a long time.

And one of the things I found that when

you see somebody that you've got above

you and you're infatuated

with them, for instance,

or admire them or put them on

a pedestal, and you go, oh,

I wish I was like them, oh, I'm so

envious of them, I'd like to imitate them,

that's because you're too humble to

admit what you see in them is inside you.

So if you ask the question,

what specific trait, action,

or inaction do I perceive this

individual that I'm admiring, displaying,

or demonstrating that I admire most?

And you narrow it down to

what specifically it is that

you're comparing yourself

to. Because anytime we

compare ourselves to others,

we're going to distort our perception

of ourself by the law of contrast.

But what if you go in and identify what

it is and then you ask this question,

alright, John, go to a moment where,

and when you perceive yourself displaying

or demonstrating the same specific

trait that you admire in them.

And go find out where you do it.

And identify where you did it, when

you did it, to whom you did it,

and who perceives you that way?

Because we only judge things in

other people that we got inside.

And there's an old statement that's in

Romans 2-1 in the New Testament that

says beware of judging, basically,

because whatever you're judging them,

you do the same things. Well,

I've been working in that

area of reflective awareness

for, God years, decades.

And I found that to be true. I've

taken in the Breakthrough Experience,

I've taken at least 125,000 people

through and whatever they've judged in

others, I help them find it in themselves.

I went through the Oxford Dictionary and

found out I had every trait I found in

there, 4,628 traits. I had every one of

them in my life in different moments,

in different phases and stages in my life,

and in different ways I expressed it.

So nothing was actually missing in me.

And when I realize nothing's

missing in me, I'm integrated.

But when I think something's missing,

I'm too proud or too humble to

admit what I see in them inside me,

I'm having a fractionated persona. I'm

now disintegrated instead of integrated.

And I don't have the power,

I've given my power away,

because I've now let this misperception

of them interfere with my perception of

myself,

and I've distorted who I am and I

fractionated myself instead of integrated.

So if I go in there and I go,

what specific trait, action,

inaction do I perceive this individual

displaying or demonstrating that I admire

most? Identify it. Then

go to a moment where,

and when you perceive yourself displaying

or demonstrating the same specific

trait, action, inaction that you admire.

At first you're going to be too humble

to admit it. You'll go, I don't see it.

I don't know. I don't do it. Look again.

Or you may be too proud to admit it,

but look again.

I've held people accountable in

the Breakthrough Experience for 35,

36 years almost. And I found that

every single thing they judge,

they found in themselves in some form.

And some people don't believe that

at first, but I assure you it's true.

And when you look, you start

to level the playing field.

And instead of minimizing yourself

to somebody you've exaggerated or

exaggerating yourself to

something you've minimized,

you actually become fully

conscious of your own nature.

You become fully conscious of what

you see in others you have inside.

And then you have reflective awareness

instead of deflective awareness.

Deflective awareness is

where we're becoming.

Reflective awareness is where

we're now honoring our whole self.

And we're not denying some part,

we're whole in a way where we've

acknowledged that what we see in others is

inside ourselves. Aristotle

called it the seer,

the seeing and the seen are the same.

Whatever we see in others is a

projection of our own reality.

I found out that when we resent

somebody and look down on them,

it's because it's reminding us of

something we're feeling ashamed of,

but we've dissociated from the shame

with pride and covered up and we're too

proud to admit we do that.

But the reason why we're resenting them

is because it's reminding us something

we're ashamed of and we're dissociating

from it. But if we go in there,

and identify what specific trait,

action or inaction do I perceive in this

individual that I despise or dislike

most, or resent most, or

avoid most. And then I go,

now where do I do that?

Go to a moment, John,

where and when I display that same

trait. Where was it? When was it?

Who did I do it to and who perceives

me that way? If you look carefully,

you'll find that you have all those

traits. Nothing's missing in you.

When nothing's missing in you, you're

fulfilled. You have integration,

wholeness, you're not in parts.

You only have parts when

you deny parts of yourself.

And whenever you sit there too proud

or too humble to admit what you see in

other people inside you, that

judgment leaves you empty.

And the emptiness occurs because

you're disowning the parts. You know,

Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall because

he was trying to put his parts back

together. Well,

we can put our parts back together

by being conscious and asking quality

questions. Then if we go in there

and go one step further, okay,

go to a moment where and when I

perceive this individual displaying or

demonstrating the trait that I

admire or the trait I despise.

And in that moment, what are

the downsides of that trait?

Because every trait's got both sides.

And if you're labeling it positive,

it's because you're blind to

the downside to that trait.

You're intuition is

trying to whisper to you,

but you're ignoring it and you're caught

in an impulse to seek that out because

it's so positive. And the

same thing in resentment,

when you're too proud to admit what you

see in them is inside you and you look,

it's got benefits and upsides.

We've all had things we thought were

terrible and a day, a week, a month,

a year or five years later, we

found out, oh, it blessed our life.

Why have the wisdom of the ages with the

aging process when we can look now and

find a blessing to it? And I say,

if we go and look, we'll find it.

And I've been doing that for

38 years, working with people,

thousands and thousands of people,

and every time they've judged something

in somebody, they found they had it,

and they found out that if it

was a negative or positive,

they could find the other side and

neutralize it. And the moment they do,

instead of judging somebody, you

have now reflective awareness.

You have equanimity within yourself,

equity between you and them.

And you realize there's nothing

to judge, just something to learn.

And all the people around us that

we are admiring and despising,

we're there to reveal the parts

of us that we had been denying.

And once we find out that we've

got everything we see in them,

we appreciate them for being our teacher,

we realize that nothing's missing,

we have a moment of love and

appreciation and fulfillment.

Love is appreciation and

fulfillment joined together.

And if you actually get to that

state, then you're whole again.

You're no imposter.

The imposter only occurs when we're too

proud or too humble to admit what we see

in others inside us. And that's when

we put on our facades, our personas,

our masks, and we cover

up our real nature.

And the real nature is enlightened inside

and really empowered inside and really

magnificent inside.

But we don't see it because we keep

having this disintegrated state.

We fractionated ourself

with disowning parts.

And this is called rememberment.

You're remembering the moral amnesia,

the things you've judged to be good or

bad, you've got moral amnesia about it.

And now you get to integrate

it and become whole again.

And this is a holistic view,

as Smuts used to call it.

And it's also an integrated state of mind.

It's the realization that you're

actually not missing anything.

People go around and they're feeling

unfulfilled because they think they're

missing things. They compare themselves

to others, they think they're too,

too smart or they're too dumb.

If you look down on people,

you exaggerate yourself. If you

look up, you minimize yourself,

and you're not yourself. And you

want to be loved for who you are.

How are you going to be loved for who you

are when you're not even being who you

are? And how are you going to be loved

for yourself when you're not even

acknowledging the parts of yourself?

Because you keep comparing yourself

to other people and you distort your

perception of yourself this way.

But this is about asking the right

question to integrate yourself.

So the true meaning of integration is

the integration of all the parts you've

disowned, and transforming

becoming into being,

the ontological existential

state where you're in the senses,

where you're distorting your reality,

to eventually a state of presence

when you're honoring your reality,

and you're now sitting in

a self-actualized state

as Maslow would describe.

In that state you have holistic

perspective. You're seeing the whole.

And the magnificence of who you are

is far greater than all the parts and

fantasies that you make outta yourself.

And you don't need to get rid of any part

of yourself. You can embrace yourself.

So often we're caught in moral hypocrisies

about trying to be nice without mean

and kind without cruel and, you

know, positive without negative,

I gave that up about 40 years ago,

because I found that that's futile

trying to be a one-sided individual.

I honor both sides. And

if you want to be whole,

you gotta love all sides of

yourself, all parts of yourself.

So that's why if you're

judging other people,

they're reminding you of the

things you're judging in yourself.

And anything you're judging in yourself,

you're either polarized toward or against.

And anything that you're infatuated

with, with yourself or others,

occupies space and time in

your mind and distracts you.

Anything you resent in others,

it occupies space and time in

your mind and distracts you.

The second you own it, reflect it,

neutralize it, it doesn't run you,

you run you. You're now whole again.

Your executive center comes online in

your forebrain, you now, you might say,

have strategic planning, you

now have inspired vision,

you now have self-governance,

you're now in a state where you are

able to be objective in your pursuit,

instead of setting up fantasies.

See, when you exaggerate yourself,

you set too big a goals in too short

a timeframes just to humble you.

And when you minimize yourself,

you set too small goal in too

long a time to make you lift up.

They're just mechanisms,

the homeostatic mechanisms to try

to bring you back into authenticity.

And the moment your authenticity,

you set real goals in real

times and you achieve.

And that's why the executive center in

the forebrain is called the gratitude

center, because you're grateful for

life, you have a grace about life,

and you're fluidic, you're not

impostered and you're not fragmented,

you're integrated.

So the true meaning of integration

is the honoring of all your parts.

And trying to get rid of parts of yourself

and trying to be only one sided is

futile. I prove that, we have a

thing called hedonic adaptation,

hedonic treadmill, and also

resourcing. And what happens is,

and desensitization, anytime we go

above equilibrium and puff ourselves up,

we have forces to bring us back down,

it's called the moral licensing effect.

And it's going to make sure

we get back into authenticity,

but we fight it because we get into the

moral hypocrisy where we're supposed to

be one sided. Our mother, our fathers,

our preachers, our teachers said,

be nice, don't be mean,

be kind, don't be cruel,

and behind the scenes they're immoral

hypocrites. The truth is you're both.

And when you can honor both and

embrace both and acknowledge both,

you don't have to judge other people

that are having to remind you of what you

are, that you keep denying.

You don't have to be too proud or too

humble to admit what you see in others

inside you. And you can

embrace the true you.

And that's where the magnificence

is and that's what you want.

You want to be loved for

who you are. The whole part.

You are hoping to find something in

your life that can love you for your

positives and negatives, your kinds

and cruels, your ups and downs,

and all your flavors.

And that's where personal development

is the integration of those parts.

Even though the high and low self-esteem

fluctuations we have throughout the day

when they're integrated is the true

self-worth. To have true self-worth

is to be able to own all your parts.

To have integration is to

acknowledge all of you.

So that's what this message was today,

and that's why I teach the

Breakthrough Experience.

The Breakthrough Experience is

where I teach the Demartini Method,

which is the series of questions that

make you fully conscious of what you're

omitting in your awareness and allows

you to see your wholeness and allows you

to take yourself from becoming to being,

allows you to take from parts to whole.

Allows you to take yourself from the

amygdala where you're emotional and

basically living in survival to your

self-actualized state where you're in

thrival. So if you'd like

to integrate yourself,

you'd like to be able to honor yourself

and make a difference being unique,

instead of trying to fit in to

everybody else and lose yourself,

then come to the Breakthrough Experience.

So I can show you firsthand and have

you experience it right on the spot.

Live it by asking the questions,

holding yourself accountable,

and learning how to integrate the

part of yourself so you can live with

integrity instead of frailty and

and disassemblage, you might say,

and disassociation. They say that

integration of parts makes whole.

But what's interesting in the

study of disorder and order,

when you have missing information, you

have disorder. Your life's a disorder,

emotional disorder. When you actually

see whole and you have full awareness,

mindfulness, if you will,

you see the poised presence and you honor

the magnificence of the universe and

your life. So that's what I do

in the Breakthrough Experience.

I help people integrate themselves, be

able to be whole again, love their life,

love the people around them,

transcend the judgments that are

misinformations and become in a sense,

honoring the magnificence of who they are,

so they can have fulfillment

in life instead of parts.

Fulfillment means things

are full, nothing's missing.

When you're unfulfilled,

you're missing parts. So if

you'd like to integrate yourself,

come and join me at the Breakthrough

Experience and please listen to this more

than once so you can get the

details of what I just said.

Because you have the capacity to do

something extraordinary when you're your

real you.