For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

Have you ever gone to bed replaying an argument over and over in your mind, wishing you’d said things differently, wishing you’d stayed calmer or wishing the damage hadn’t been done?

If so, you’re not alone. And more importantly, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner or a bad person. It means something inside you is trying to tell you something, and learning how to listen to that signal can change everything.

In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, host Alastair Duhs shares four practical, grounded strategies to help you handle anger in your relationship before it causes regret, distance or lasting damage. Rather than suppressing anger or blaming yourself, you’ll learn how to understand what’s really driving it, and how to respond in a calmer, more constructive way.

Anger isn’t the real problem. Losing control of it is. And that’s something you can learn to change.

What you’ll learn in this episode

1. Why understanding your anger triggers is the first step to lasting change
2. How poor communication quietly fuels resentment and emotional explosions
3. The powerful link between stress and anger, and how to break it
4. A simple mindset shift that helps couples stop fighting each other and start working together
5. Why anger is a signal, not a flaw — and how to respond to it differently

Why this matters

Unmanaged anger doesn’t just disappear on its own. Over time, it erodes trust, creates emotional distance and can turn even small disagreements into painful conflicts.

The good news? When you understand what triggers your anger, learn how to communicate openly, manage stress and remember that you and your partner are on the same team, arguments lose their intensity and connection becomes possible again.

These aren’t complicated techniques. They’re practical skills you can start using immediately.

Key ideas from the episode

1. Anger often comes from feeling unheard, disrespected, or overwhelmed — not from the situation itself
2. Regular, safe conversations (like a Weekly Relationship Check-In) prevent resentment from building
3. High stress lowers your ability to stay calm — managing stress is essential to controlling anger
4. When couples stop trying to “win” arguments and start seeking understanding, everything changes

Ready to take the next step?

If you want help applying these ideas to your own relationship, you have a few options:

-Watch the free training on how to break the anger cycle

-Book a free 30-minute Anger Assessment Call to talk through your situation

-Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

You’ll find all of these at angersecrets.com.

It's late at night and the house is finally quiet, but you're lying there replaying the argument in your head, the words you said, the tone you wish you used, and the look on your partner's face when things crossed a line.

You didn't mean for it to go that way.

You never do.

But somehow it keeps happening.

If you're listening to this episode that says something important about you.

You care, and you don't want anger to be the thing that destroys the relationship that matters most to you.

In today's episode, I'll share four practical tips that can stop anger from taking control of your relationship.

Not by suppressing it, not by blaming yourself, but by understanding what's really driving your anger and how to respond differently before damage is done.

By the end of this episode, you'll see anger as a signal.

You can learn to read, manage and redirect.

Because the real problem isn't that you feel anger, it's what happens when you are not able to control your anger.

Welcome to episode 166 of the Anger Secrets podcast.

I'm your host Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years I've taught thousands of men and women to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

If you want help right now to control your anger, including a powerful free training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website@AngerSecrets.com there's a link there to access that free training.

Or if you'd like to chat with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.

I look forward to talking with you.

Ok, with that said, let's dive into today's topic, how to handle anger in your relationship.

Tip one Is to understand your anger triggers the first step to controlling your anger in your relationship is to understand what triggers your anger.

We all have different things that trigger our anger.

For some people, it might be feeling like they're not being heard or respected.

For others, it it might be feeling like their partner is not doing their share of the household chores.

Whatever your anger triggers may be, it's important to identify these triggers so you can start working on responding to them calmly.

Some simple ways to identify your anger triggers Checking in with yourself regularly to see what makes you feel angry in your relationship Noticing patterns and trends in your anger, such as specific situations where you get angry or specific people who trigger your anger Asking for feedback from your partner or other people close to you about what they think are your anger triggers or seeking professional help, such as seeing a local therapist or counsellor to help uncover any underlying issues that may be contributing to your anger.

Communicate openly and Honestly with your partner the second tip to managing your anger in your relationship is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner.

Although it is not always easy to do, communicating openly and honestly with your partner about issues that are building up inside you is key to dealing with these issues before they escalate into arguments.

As simple as this sounds, many couples do not make time to talk about their relationship together.

This can be due to several reasons such as not wanting to rock the boat, not wanting to hurt your partner's feelings, or simply not knowing how to communicate effectively.

If communicating openly and honestly with your partner is is a struggle and you would like help with this, feel free to get in touch with me.

I can provide you with some tools and strategies to improve your communication skills very quickly.

One of my favorite such tools is what I call a weekly relationship check in.

A weekly relationship check in assists you and your partner to talk openly and honestly about how you feel about your relationship, what is working well, and any issues that need to be addressed in your relationship.

A key aspect of weekly relationship check ins is ensuring that both you and your partner feel safe to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism.

You can achieve this by agreeing to some simple ground rules beforehand, such as agreeing to stay calm, not using name calling or put downs, not interrupting each other, and so on.

If you would like me to share how to structure a weekly relationship check in in more detail, just get in touch with me and I'd be happy to help you learn how to manage stress.

My third tip for managing anger in relationships is to manage your stress effectively.

If you are unable to effectively manage your stress levels, it can lead to explosive outbursts or frequent arguments with your partner.

For this reason, if you have high stress levels due to work, family or personal issues, it's important to take steps to manage this stress.

This will not only help you to avoid arguments with your partner, but it will also improve your your overall health and well being.

Some simple strategies for managing your stress levels Doing regular exercise such as going for a walk or a run Using deep breathing exercises including taking long, slow, deep breaths Spending time in nature such as going to a beach or a walk in the park Spending time with your friends and family or practicing mindfulness exercises or meditation While the day to day stresses of life can seem overwhelming, it is helpful to acknowledge that sometimes the stress of these events are due to how you think about these events, and not necessarily due to these events themselves.

I have met many people, for instance, who know that even in the most difficult of circumstances a over time things will change.

I have also talked about this on other episodes of this podcast, such as episode 71.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Recognizing that difficult times are usually temporary can help you approach stressful situations more calmly and rationally instead of becoming overwhelmed by anger.

It may not be easy, but but with practice this is possible to do Remember that you and your partner are on the same team My final tip for managing anger in relationships is to remember that you and your partner are on the same team.

It can be easy to forget this if you are arguing with your partner, but it is true almost always you and your partner will will want a happy and healthy relationship, although you may have different views on how you can achieve this goal.

To start with, remembering that you and your partner are on the same team rather than opponents can shift your perspective and approach to managing conflicts.

Remembering that you and your partner are on the same team can help you focus on finding a solution that works for both of you the next time you are arguing with your partner.

For example, instead of arguing for your perspective and trying to discount your partner's, seek to understand why your partner thinks or feels the way they do.

The more you do this, the more likely your partner will also seek to understand why you think and feel the way you do.

This almost always leads to a more productive conversation and helps you find a solution that works for both of you, strengthening your relationship at the same time.

Okay, there you have it.

Four tips on how to handle anger in your relationship to remind you these tips Understand your anger triggers Communicate openly and honestly with your partner Learn how to manage stress.

Remember that you and your partner are on the same team.

Practicing these tips will not only help you to avoid arguments with your partner, but it will also improve the overall quality of your relationship.

Ok, that's it for today's episode.

If this episode was helpful for you, please hit that follow button and leave a quick podcast review.

This helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to control their anger today.

And if you're ready to control your anger once and for all, book a free call with me or watch my free training@AngerSecrets.com I look forward to helping you on your journey towards creating a calmer, happier and healthier life.

And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.