What if your body has been carrying your childhood trauma long after your mind tried to forget it?

In this powerful episode, Tammy sits down with Holly Haag, holistic health coach and founder of The Healing Haul, whose life was shaped by severe childhood abuse, generational trauma, and multiple autoimmune diagnoses—including Multiple Sclerosis. Through years of research and personal healing, Holly now helps others understand the connection between trauma, chronic illness, and whole-body healing.

Rather than accepting that illness would define her future, Holly began searching for the deeper "why." Her journey led her through therapy, EMDR, nervous system healing, nutrition, detoxification, mindset work, and learning how unresolved trauma can influence physical health.

In this conversation, you'll discover:

• How childhood trauma can impact long-term physical health

• Why genetics may load the gun, but stress can pull the trigger

• The connection between nervous system regulation and autoimmune disease

• Why becoming your own safe person is one of the most important parts of healing

• Practical habits that support both emotional and physical wellness

If Holly's story resonates with you, you can learn more about her work at The Healing Haul, and connect with her on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram:

• Facebook: The Healing Haul on Facebook

• TikTok: @thehealinghaul

• Instagram: @thehealinghaul2022

Whether you're navigating childhood trauma, chronic illness, or simply searching for hope, Holly's message is clear: healing doesn't happen overnight—but with small, consistent steps, it is possible.

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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.

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hello everybody.

2

Welcome back to another episode

of Adult Child of Dysfunction.

3

Today we have with us Holly.

4

Haag.

5

She's a holistic health coach

with a focus on autoimmunity.

6

She has to face her own multiple

autoimmune disease, so she took

7

that knowledge, learned to help

others and get their health back.

8

Welcome Holly.

9

I am super excited to talk about this

because like I was saying right before

10

we got on here, when you go through

that childhood trauma which is everybody

11

I deal with, it affects not just

your mind but it affects your body.

12

And you are living proof of that.

13

So let's jump right in.

14

How are you today?

15

Great.

16

Thank you for having me.

17

I appreciate what you do and having a

voice for people like me because for

18

many years I didn't have a voice at all.

19

Thank you for doing what you do.

20

Oh, you're very welcome.

21

So you, I read, I…

22

It's not just even in your bio but

I was reading later on in something

23

that you wrote that you grew up

sounds very much like me with the…

24

talk a little bit about your

childhood just so people can get

25

a background of what you went

through when you were younger.

26

Sure.

27

So I'm the third generation in my family

to be diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

28

My mother would be the second.

29

And she was diagnosed when

I was three years old.

30

So that in itself was very traumatizing

for me 'cause even though I didn't

31

understand the concept of death, I thought

she was dying 'cause she was very sick.

32

And so my father had to take more

care of, do more of the things to

33

care for me during that moment.

34

And my, my grandmother, which was

my saving grace in the story, she

35

had to step in and so she did.

36

She, I always referred to her

as a second mom because she

37

was such a big part of my life.

38

But during that time my father

started molesting me, started, He was

39

verbally abusive, physically abusive.

40

And fortunately he was a truck

driver so he was not always there.

41

He worked nights a lot, so he'd go from

working nights to working mornings.

42

So I didn't have to deal with him

all the time which helped me too, but

43

when I did it was a scary place to be.

44

And because I was an

only child I didn't know.

45

I didn't know that what was

happening wasn't supposed to happen.

46

It just, I internalized the

fear that this is scary.

47

Oftentimes I'd play in my

closet because there were walls

48

behind me 'cause it felt safe.

49

So it was a scary situation

despite I think people have a

50

hard time understanding that you

didn't know you were being abused.

51

Especially back then.

52

Like back then there wasn't social media.

53

I had Oregon Trails eventually.

54

There…

55

We didn't even have computers.

56

Eventually we got to, I

think, junior high, maybe high

57

school, we had Oregon Trails.

58

I don't even remember what age it was.

59

But, that was the extent of what we got.

60

Now you have a computer

in your hand every day.

61

So it's hard to take somebody

in today's world and place them

62

in the times that I was in.

63

But there just was not a lot of

awareness around sexual abuse.

64

And back then you also,

especially, like specifically

65

in my family, you stayed quiet.

66

You didn't talk about it.

67

It was not…

68

So there was no, there's no awareness.

69

None.

70

And- how old were you when it started?

71

I was…

72

so EMDR, it happened sooner, but my

first actual solid memory, I was three.

73

Oh, wow.

74

I was three years old.

75

So my, the first memory of my father

giving me a shower is when I just

76

playfully grabbed, like I'd never seen

up close in my mind his genitalia,

77

and I just "Oh, what's that?"

78

Just playfully.

79

And he was a tit for tat person.

80

So he had injured his hand.

81

He used to work for the Alaska

P- Pipelines, and so they were

82

almost like a Captain Hook.

83

They were crooked fingers

'cause that's how they healed.

84

And so he just took them and

shoved them up inside me.

85

Wow.

86

And that's my very first memory.

87

And then I did tell my mother, but now

having children myself, I don't know how

88

realistically I translated that at age

three and how it was heard or received.

89

But as a parent, I would have also

then been In the back of my mind, huh.

90

That's … whatever I had, I'd verbalized.

91

I don't remember the exact words.

92

But I did he put the, his fingers-

… and then, and h- his defense was

93

that he must have just scratched

me, like, when he was washing me.

94

So it w- that was how he was, though.

95

They, my parents, they're both very

intelligent, so he was i- really able to

96

s- to sell the, the, the lie, you know,

that everybody else is dysfunctional.

97

Not him.

98

You were three years old.

99

I was three.

100

Like- Yeah … anything he said

that he was going to be able to

101

find a way to out-manipulate you.

102

You were three.

103

Oh, yeah.

104

Yeah, I was three.

105

There wasn't- Yeah … there, you didn't

have much of a, a ground to stand on

106

when it came to having the say and the

107

That's crazy.

108

And your mom, she just just

bought into it and went on, so

109

of course you felt 100% unsafe.

110

Did your grandma know?

111

Or what, at what age did

you tell your grandmother?

112

So I don't remember ever saying

anything to her- … even

113

though she was my safe person.

114

So it wasn't until I was 12 that I had

a name for it, and I know that sounds

115

ridiculously old to not understand

what's happening to you, but I didn't.

116

I had no, my mom was the helicopter mom.

117

My family came from generational trauma,

so it wasn't anything new to any of them.

118

Which- W- in one sense you think would

give you a more of an awareness that it's

119

happening, but it also gives you sort of

a blind spot because you're used to it.

120

Definitively I don't know that my mother

knew, I don't know that my grandmother

121

knew, but I'm positive they did.

122

Just because of, one, my third grade

teacher had reported something.

123

I don't even know what.

124

So I was … I thought it just, I had

trouble reading when I was little, so I

125

thought it was for that, but I was tested.

126

I went to a psychologist off the school

campus, and they had to d- go do a report.

127

And so my aunt found that report when my

grandmother passed away, and apparently

128

my grandmother also took notes.

129

So she, every day she had a diary.

130

Oh, wow.

131

And so my aunt came to me before

she died, and she had told me,

132

"Hey Holly, I think they knew."

133

And I'm like, "I do, too."

134

And my mother, she was really

good at manipulating things.

135

So I thought my mom loved me so

much and I was so special to her

136

until I realized as an adult she

was manipulating the whole thing.

137

She was such a great,

masterful manipulator.

138

So she would always get drawn into,

she'd have a book cover and she'd

139

always be reading these romance novels,

yet she had no romance in her life.

140

None.

141

The, the actual idea of

intimacy for her was scary.

142

It was unattainable.

143

She didn't actually physically want

it, but she desired it in her books.

144

And then really she used me,

because I was the one that was

145

intimate with her husband, right?

146

So I replaced that uncomfortable

part that she didn't wanna do.

147

And I have to believe at

this point it was on purpose.

148

There was one argument that my grandmother

and her had at my grandmother's house

149

saying, "I'm not raising another child."

150

I think my, my mom maybe tried to leave

or was looking for a different option.

151

But I, it always stuck with me.

152

It always stuck with me, because

I was like what is she talking

153

about raising another child?"

154

I didn't understand.

155

And my mom was crying.

156

I, we stayed there for a couple weeks

on a pulled-out futon bed that my

157

grandmother every morning made us make,

like you had to fold it up to make s-

158

make it look like nobody was there.

159

So those always stuck with me.

160

And- … and in EMDR they knew.

161

Like, when I did EMDR, they knew.

162

And it was y- they both had gone

through trauma themselves, and I

163

don't know their full story 'cause

they were quiet about it, right?

164

But I know it happened.

165

So it's just, it's sorta tragic that They

didn't feel safe enough to get the help

166

to have that self-worth to fix themselves

a- and then not to do it for your child.

167

I mean- Because- Yeah, and that's

exactly why generational trauma exists.

168

But I feel like- Yeah … we're

in a different world now.

169

I don't know how old you are.

170

Yeah.

171

How old are you?

172

If you don't mind.

173

I'm 44.

174

Okay.

175

44.

176

I, I have, I don't care about that stuff.

177

Yeah, no.

178

So I'm- Ask away.

179

I'm 57, and it was the same thing.

180

It was, my mother was

a child psychiatrist.

181

Oh.

182

So you talk about being

manipulated by the best.

183

Oh, yeah.

184

She was also an alcoholic and a drug

addict, and her father was a psychiatrist.

185

And when she started cutting at

13 and was bulimic, he sent her to

186

boarding school for four years and

said, "Come back when you're well."

187

Obviously you don't come back after

being kicked out of your house when you

188

have so- you know, mental health issues.

189

So it's just, it's just a, it's a

cycle of tragedy is really what it was.

190

But I like to think that now it's like

now there's so many cycle breakers because

191

now- Yeah … there is the internet,

there is computers, there are- Yeah

192

All this social media.

193

We see we hear something on TikTok

and we're like, "Whoa, that's me."

194

Yeah.

195

That's how half my clients come to

me is from a podcast where I say one

196

little thing and they're like, "Whoa,

I felt like you were in my brain."

197

We didn't have that when we were younger.

198

No.

199

And so our parents most

certainly did not have that.

200

No.

201

No.

202

So it's a whole different…

203

I remember the day that I went through

so much inner child work and healing

204

my inner child and doing all that

stuff, and then it was like one day

205

all of a sudden my therapist was like,

"Can we try something different?"

206

And I'm like, "Yeah."

207

"Can we flip it?

208

Even though you were your mother's

caregiver and you did hold her

209

head back and hold her hair back

while she was vomiting into the

210

toilet, can we flip it and try to

look at her as the wounded child?"

211

Yeah.

212

And I was like, "Whoa," "Blah."

213

That was my initial- Yeah

214

reaction.

215

But it wasn't until I could look at her

and the trauma that she had been through

216

that I was like 180, all of a sudden it

was like, wow, it wasn't any of her fault.

217

No.

218

It wa- it just wasn't, and that

was a, whoa, that was eye-opening.

219

But what I wanna jump in, 'cause I'm sorry

you went through all that, it sounds- Yeah

220

shitty.

221

That's all right.

222

To say the least.

223

But I wanna jump into the

mind-body and just, you said you

224

were the third generation MS.

225

Yeah.

226

Now, multiple sclerosis, I know.

227

I've always been with the understanding

once I started healing my own issues was

228

that mind-body connection, thought, eating

habits can overcome heredity any day.

229

What do you think about that?

230

Genetics have to be expressed.

231

So I studied everything because

I knew there was a genetic link.

232

I skipped my grandmother, but she

had many strokes and she ultimately

233

died of a massive stroke, and so

she fits into that equation as well.

234

She more than likely had rheumatoid

arthritis, whether sh- whether

235

she told me about it or not.

236

That's the thing with her,

she, her lips were sealed.

237

You didn't know.

238

You didn't know what was going on

but genetics always play a role.

239

S- they always play a role.

240

So you're expressing your genetics, and

what has to happen for that is stress.

241

Some sort of stress, whether it's

a physical stress, whether it's an

242

emotional stress that has to happen

for those genetics to express.

243

So that's your environment.

244

That might be childbirth.

245

It might be…

246

A lot of women it is childbirth, actually.

247

It's such a great stress on the

body, and that's ultimately when the

248

majority of my symptoms expressed

was after I had my first child.

249

You're depleted of nutrients.

250

So there's so much going on.

251

It's a the, the vagus nerve, right?

252

Where it's getting, like, when you have a

baby especially "Hey, something's wrong."

253

And then if you're already…

254

Say you go into that pregnancy and you're

depleted and you're toxic and your body

255

is all full of heavy metals and now

microplastics, and it's just not healthy.

256

So you're going in as this- Not

really a whole person, and then

257

you're coming out, you're depleted

'cause the baby's taking from you.

258

If you're breastfeeding, you're

gonna be depleted even more.

259

And so it's just this cascade.

260

And we think, "Oh, where

did this come from?"

261

For my family, we expressed genetics.

262

So we have the celiac gene.

263

We have MTHFR.

264

We don't methylate well.

265

APOE4, Alzheimer's, that's the

bad four alleles in the brain.

266

So we're not processing

saturated fats well.

267

So there's a- the genetics, you

cannot remove genetics as much as

268

functional med- medicine tries.

269

And I'm part of functional medicine,

but I disagree that we don't

270

pay attention to our genetics.

271

It's the blueprint of who we are.

272

But that emotional part of…

273

that we don't deal with, that

part that we try to ignore

274

and package up and "I'm fine.

275

I'm fine."

276

I said I was fine until I had my child.

277

That's when I broke.

278

Like completely broke.

279

Like completely numb, completely y-

unable to human, is what I would say.

280

So basic needs, showering,

making food, like I…

281

brushing your teeth.

282

I was unable to do basic needs for myself.

283

I was able to care for my son as

much as I could, and that was it.

284

My body completely shut down when

I had him because he was a twin.

285

He was born sick.

286

I had hyperemesis gravidarum.

287

I had pre-term labor.

288

It…

289

the worst f- if you could think of the

worst first pregnancy scenario, I had it.

290

It was horrific.

291

It took an emotional toll.

292

It took a physical toll.

293

And so I had him, and I realized it

took that, all of that I need to change.

294

I need to be better.

295

I am responsible…

296

It was the first time I

realized I was responsible for

297

something other than myself.

298

I really had never…

299

I'd been so selfish before,

'cause it was all about me.

300

It was all about me, and my husband

better be doing, like, all the things.

301

Oh I'm awesome, so why aren't

you treating me better?

302

Why aren't you…

303

and then I realized too, I picked a

husband that's not very good, I realized

304

that right away after my son was born,

and I'm like, "Okay how does this work?"

305

So that sort of crumbled and fell apart

because I realized how dysfunctional

306

my life was, and the choices I had

made, and why I had make, made them.

307

I had all these answers of…

308

or not answers, but questions as to, like,

how did I get here, how did I get here?

309

Why, what i- what is happening right now?

310

I already went through all this crap.

311

Why d- why isn't it over?

312

Why isn't it over?

313

Why is this happening to me?

314

That's how I initially took

that, and so I had to do therapy.

315

I ha- I did EMDR.

316

I did 15 years of therapy, and

therapy was good in the sense

317

that I got to verbalize it.

318

I got to talk with somebody that was

safe, that gave me tools so I could handle

319

my stress, because I had none before.

320

I had no ability to handle stress, because

nobody had given me anything other than

321

dysfunctional ways to handle stress.

322

And I ha- I wasn't really

super dysfunctional on paper.

323

I, I went to dental school.

324

I had a good job.

325

I I bought my first house at 22.

326

I had nicer cars, for my age.

327

I didn't look like a hot mess,

but I felt like one inside.

328

I think my marriage would eventually

show that, that was crumbling.

329

That was eventually gonna show the

dysfunction, the cracks, so to speak.

330

And even after all that therapy,

here I get diagnosed with MS at 38.

331

I have my new marriage.

332

I'm thinking gosh what like, I

have to do more, i'm not done?

333

My, my big pile of crap isn't over?

334

What else do I have to work through?

335

And I think that's the part that needs

to really be understood is- There's

336

so many layers to abuse and to healing

that there is no set end point.

337

And I realize that now.

338

There's still not an end point, right?

339

So I started to do, like you s-

you suggested, inner child work.

340

I started to view my self and l- I

literally would go to the park and go

341

for walks and pretend to hold her hand

and say, "Do you wanna go with me?"

342

And I…

343

And here's the other truth.

344

I went a lot of my life, a lot

of my life not trusting myself,

345

because I couldn't protect myself.

346

Couldn't protect myself as a child.

347

I blamed myself as an

adult that I wasn't safe.

348

Wasn't able…

349

I always compare myself to Runaway

Bride, 'cause what eggs do I like?

350

I would s- sit in front of a rack

of clothes and go, "What color?"

351

Because I didn't know myself.

352

No.

353

It, I did not, and I was so separated.

354

And so I had to get to know myself.

355

I had to love myself.

356

I had to become my safe person.

357

I had to, just like you mentioned,

I, one of my core values, I figured

358

out my core values, and one of

my core values is compassion.

359

And so when I was able to see my

mother as the broken person, the

360

the little girl that never grew up.

361

She was in an adult body but a child

inside, and she acted like a child inside.

362

Y- some of the arguments we were getting

into, I felt more of an adult than she,

363

she was when I was a teenager, and I'm

like, "Why is she treating me like this?"

364

Because she wasn't an adult inside.

365

Absolutely.

366

And so I, when I saw them for what

they were and who they were and

367

where they were stuck and stunted, it

allowed me to heal a part of me that

368

was unable to heal be- at that point.

369

And when my mo- mother

passed away, there was…

370

Here I thought I'd, I'm done.

371

I did all the work.

372

I did, I've done the energy healing.

373

I've done the inner child healing.

374

I've done all this stuff, and then she

passed away, and there was another layer.

375

Here was all of this guarded trauma

that I had to have the armor up

376

in order to have the relationship.

377

Because I kept the relationship

because she's sick.

378

She has MS.

379

I was told by my grandparents, both sides.

380

My grandparents were divorced.

381

"It's your job, Holly.

382

You're the only child.

383

It's your responsibility."

384

Here my grandfather's a millionaire,

and he's telling me that I need to take

385

care of his kid, and he doesn't take…

386

he maybe the whole time that

when my parents got divorced,

387

he bought us a toilet.

388

Here's this guy calling me up.

389

Here I, what I'm working at

Blockbuster, and i- it's your

390

responsibility making $7 and 10 cents

an hour to take care of your mother.

391

And- Oh, my gosh.

392

That reminds me.

393

That's so crazy 'cause my grandfather,

who was my mother's mother or

394

my mother's father, same thing.

395

He literally…

396

I was living with her for a

while, and it was the most

397

dysfunctional environment ever.

398

Yeah.

399

We were living in someone's garage.

400

She was lending me to her

drug dealers to pay her debt.

401

There was no food in the house and

he was sending her $10,000 a month.

402

And I was like She's not feeding me.

403

I'm literally walking

to the grocery store.

404

So he t- completely enabling

her to just snort everything

405

she could get up her nose.

406

I was like, "Are you kidding me?"

407

Yeah.

408

But he's like she's your responsibility.

409

You're there with her."

410

I was like, I was 16

and starving to death.

411

Yeah.

412

Cut me some slack, man.

413

Yeah.

414

And that…

415

So my mom, it was always about

her MS and her nervous system, not

416

ever worrying about anybody else's.

417

And so when I was a child, I oftentimes

would go unfed, and so I would climb

418

the ca- the cabinet and then there

was a counter right behind, so if I

419

fell, I could have seriously been hurt.

420

But I'd climb 'cause I knew

my dad kept candy up there.

421

So you know, what does the kid go to?

422

They go to the candy.

423

And one time I went…

424

I, my mom, she would, if you didn't

like what she liked, sh- you could not

425

like things she thought were gross.

426

And so one day I'd gone into the fridge to

get ranch dressing, and I just was eating

427

the ranch from the bottle because I was

that young and that was food, because she

428

was either sleeping on the bed or engulfed

in her romance novel, and wasn't…

429

I was just this little kid

by myself r- in the house.

430

Yeah.

431

And she got enraged.

432

Enraged.

433

I never liked ranch again after

that because she came out screaming

434

and yelling how gross I was,

how "How dare I get into that.

435

That's disgusting.

436

You'll never eat that again."

437

And I never did.

438

But it's funny that every food

she didn't like was white.

439

Ranch, butter.

440

So you say, "Oh I don't

know her story completely."

441

You sorta do.

442

Y- you sorta do, 'cause it's

okay you obviously were molested.

443

You obviously…

444

and the stories I do know of my

grandfather, of my grandmother's

445

father, he was an alcoholic.

446

My aunt in, in her last year, opened

up to me that possibly, through

447

her therapy, that something had

happened with the grandfather there.

448

And so you can see the line of

abuse- … that, that just unfolds,

449

and it's like it's not a coincidence

you don't like foods that are white.

450

So it…

451

I had to be the detective in my

family too, so I had to want to

452

heal enough to dig and find out

their stories as much as I could.

453

You do.

454

And- Of course you do.

455

Yeah.

456

So because you're not gonna under-

fully understand what- Yeah … you're

457

going through unless you fully

understand where they came from.

458

Yeah.

459

Honestly.

460

Yeah.

461

And it- That makes 100% sense.

462

Yeah.

463

And it…

464

it's heartbreaking.

465

It really is.

466

It's heartbreaking.

467

It's it's tragic, but at

what point does it end?

468

At what point- But it's-

Somebody has to stop it.

469

A- absolutely, and that's why we're here

today, because you have the story of

470

the hope and the healing and all of the-

Yeah … good stuff and moving forward.

471

I'm gonna jump back in into the physical

stuff- Sure … because I'm fascinated

472

with you healing your own body.

473

Yeah.

474

So first of all, let's talk about

how you think you g- didn't get MS

475

until you were 38, you said, right?

476

And you said it was kinda…

477

it's triggered by the baby, and

all of this stuff is triggered.

478

Did you not have any physical symptoms

of anything before that from trauma?

479

No.

480

So I had signs as a child that there

was something off just 'cause I'd

481

have itchy throat, sinus issues.

482

So there was signs there

that something was off.

483

19, I ate a pack of…

484

I got a, a box of fruit snacks that

I had eaten when I was a child,

485

and I ate one pack, and here I'm

blonde, extremely good shape.

486

I used to be a high-performance athlete.

487

Tan.

488

I look like the picture of health.

489

I, my blood sugar crashed so bad

I had to take a four-hour nap.

490

I woke up and my, internally

my body was shaking so bad.

491

I thought…

492

I went to my mom, I'm

like, "Mom, am I shaking?"

493

Couldn't see it, but it felt like somebody

was just violently shaking me inside.

494

And so I went to the doctor

thinking, "Oh, maybe I have diabetes.

495

Maybe I, what could this be?"

496

"Nope, everything's fine.

497

You're fine."

498

And then I wouldn't really

have major symptoms.

499

I started to have constipation issues.

500

I had an eating disorder at age

13, 'cause that's the only thing

501

I could choose to do, 'cause my

mom had moved in my boyfriend.

502

So I was in this, not on paper,

but an, basically an arranged

503

marriage without the marriage.

504

Because she had to keep me in the abuse.

505

Got divorced, my father's not

there, but we gotta keep Holly,

506

gotta keep her working, I don't

even know what else to call it.

507

Which I cared for my boyfriend,

but I didn't wanna live with him.

508

I didn't wanna, be forced to have

sex and- I don't mean to interrupt

509

isolated from my kids.

510

I don't mean to interrupt you, but

I'm like, your story just keeps

511

going down these things, and I'm

like, you got so many layers, girl.

512

Of course.

513

You'll never have them unpacked.

514

But, not all of them.

515

Of course.

516

But that's okay.

517

So- Because it's okay.

518

Yeah.

519

The, so the physical part

there was so much to that.

520

So t- 24, literally a week after

my 24th birthday, I deliver my son.

521

And that's when the issues started,

and I kept asking to be tested for MS.

522

I suspected it 20 years before I got it.

523

So they wouldn't test me.

524

They would not…

525

Oh, there's no neurological symptoms.

526

But bladder issues

came, vision in and out.

527

Never did I test that there

was anything wrong with me.

528

Thyroid's fine.

529

Weight gain, extreme weight gain.

530

So here I go from being, I don't

know, in today's world maybe I

531

was a size two or a size four,

because the numbers are way off.

532

Like- … size two today was probably a

size six or eight when we were y- little.

533

But, I went from that to

gaining 100 pounds effortlessly.

534

N- no reason for it, and there it is.

535

Every- everything was just out

of balance, and that is so-

536

Everything … that is just so stress

related anyway, those imbalances.

537

I actually do a biofrequency

energy scan with your voice

538

that detects a hu- oh yeah.

539

It's really fun.

540

It's 171,000 different

frequencies it detects in your

541

body, and it detects imbalances.

542

So it doesn't, it's not diagnostic,

but when I get blood work done,

543

I love to put it up next to it

because- Yeah … it's spot on.

544

And those are the things, I

love doing it for clients.

545

I'll have to let you do one.

546

It's free.

547

Yeah.

548

Yeah, it's totally free.

549

But it's fun because what it

does is it, like I said, your

550

body is amazing at compensating.

551

Yeah.

552

So that's why, and if your cortisol

is high, something else will kick in,

553

but your digestive juices will stop

flowing because they don't wanna wear

554

this out, and it's all connected.

555

But this thing that's, that shows

these imbalances, it shows stressors.

556

Yeah.

557

So it will s- it showed me I wanna say

about seven months before my doctor told

558

me that my A1C was high, that my A1C, my

glucagon, my glucose, that, my sugar, my

559

metabolism, like it told me all of that.

560

And had I listened and fixed it, my

sugar then before I had the actual blood

561

test, I probably could have avoided it.

562

Yeah.

563

Yeah.

564

It- But you don't listen, and

your body- You don't … your

565

body whispers before it screams.

566

And with people like me, w- we are so

good at faking life, at putting the

567

face on, at separating from our bodies.

568

And so what it took for me is to

go and do the uncomfortable work of

569

being part of my body, being part

of my body, feeling everything.

570

You have to feel to heal.

571

You have to feel to heal.

572

And doing vagus work, tapping, I

love tapping, and I used to tap to

573

try to get rid of the dysfunction.

574

What is my attachment to potato chips?

575

Tapping for that.

576

But then it became about…

577

I tap now.

578

I sing this little song that

it's oh, how does it go?

579

All my cells are healthy and happy.

580

But I sing this little song telling my

body that I'm healthy and I'm happy,

581

and I tap, and I do it every day.

582

It's a non-negotiable.

583

And so I started practicing

things like that.

584

I…

585

Anytime I have negative

thoughts, I ask myself…

586

I don't comple- I used to just

dismiss them and say "Cancel" or,

587

"Nope, we're not gonna think of that.

588

Nope."

589

And sometimes I'll do that if

it's really I don't wanna give the

590

energy to a b- a negative thought.

591

But I accept them now, and I go

why am I thinking about that?"

592

Why am I thinking about that?

593

I might pray about it

and say, "You know what?

594

I don't really wanna think about this.

595

I wanna understand why it's here,

but I don't wanna have these emotions

596

attached to it," and I don't.

597

I just release them.

598

I'm like, "Okay it's

your job, God, not mine."

599

"Your stress, not mine."

600

And so- Surrendering.

601

Yeah, surrender- Surrender … and

just give it up, and- Yep … you

602

have to do that sometimes.

603

But the tapping is actually amazing, and-

It is … if nothing else it's refocusing.

604

But telling your body over and over again.

605

Yeah.

606

I talk to people all the time,

and they wake up in the morning,

607

and they literally make a mental

inventory of everything that hurts.

608

Yeah.

609

I'm like, you literally just

spent 10 minutes bringing all of

610

the negative energy and pointing

out all the things that hurt.

611

Manifesting pain.

612

Yeah.

613

Yeah.

614

How about waking up in the morning and

thanking God that your feet don't hurt?

615

Like- Yeah … my feet

feel great this morning.

616

But it's like, where our

attention goes, energy flows.

617

So- Yeah Oh, it's and I truly-

It's so true … I truly believe,

618

There's no, I guess you could

say coincidence, or there's no…

619

There is no coincidence that people

that have a, a horrible divorce that

620

their rates of breast cancer are high.

621

Yeah.

622

It's like that's…

623

all of the mind-body connection is so

real, and now it's like you just have

624

to believe it, though, because then

you have to believe that what you put

625

into the universe is what you get out.

626

So when you're talking to your body, like

you say, you're tapping and you're saying,

627

"All of my cells in my body are whole and

healthy"- Yeah … then you're speaking

628

it into the universe, and the universe is

gonna look for experiences and anything

629

to evidence to show that what you said

was true, 'cause it wants it to be true.

630

Yeah.

631

And and that's the way I started looking

at praying, too is we pray for a little

632

bit of time, "Oh, I want this," right?

633

And then we think we're done.

634

We're done.

635

But then all day you're, like you said,

you're focused on, "Oh, my knee hurts.

636

My knee hurts.

637

My head hurts.

638

Oh, I'm sick."

639

You say these things to yourself.

640

I don't say, "Oh, I have,"

I say, "I was diagnosed.

641

I was diagnosed with this," because

I believe your body's meant to heal.

642

I believe your body can heal.

643

And there's so many of us.

644

It's not just me.

645

There's so many of us that have

done that, and it's about feeding

646

your, anti-inflammatory diet.

647

There's such a focus on

anti-inflammatory diet, but what is that?

648

That's you actually

taking care of yourself.

649

It's you not picking the food.

650

I used to comfort myself with

food, comfort myself with a chair.

651

The chair would hug me

because I needed a hug.

652

You can put your hand on your heart and

make practices where you hug yourself

653

or you actually literally hug yourself.

654

I was looking for that attention.

655

And what was that?

656

That was my little self, the little

me that needed somebody to be

657

there for me that wasn't there.

658

I was all by myself.

659

Talking about abandonment issues.

660

When you are in a big house all

by yourself with a pool, like a

661

lot of scary things can happen.

662

And then the house is scary.

663

My, my parents, they slept separately,

so my dad, when he'd have to work

664

nights, he completely blacked out

with reflective tape the window.

665

And it stunk in there because it was

just so musty 'cause the window was

666

never open, and so I called it the

dungeon because it felt like one.

667

And so here's this scary place with this

scary person, really, in, in the house.

668

And so I didn't even…

669

I would never…

670

When he wasn't there, I

wouldn't go play in there.

671

I wouldn't go in there.

672

Sometimes I was curious, and I'd

go- Navigate a little bit, but

673

I stayed out of there 'cause it

was just, it was scary to me.

674

And so when you're trying to heal your

body it's There's so ma- much to it.

675

It's what are you feeding yourself?

676

Are you feeding to fill in a void

and try to fill in the comfort with

677

the har- hot macaroni and cheese?

678

You're…

679

And that is what you have to recognize

and pull away from, because it's damaging

680

your health, and you become part of your

abuse because you are abusing yourself

681

every day when you're doing those things,

and you're not taking care of your body

682

the way that it deserves to be taken

care of because you don't deserve…

683

That you think, "I don't deserve to be

taken care of," when the truth is you do.

684

You do.

685

You deserve to be taken care of.

686

You deserve to love yourself.

687

You deserve the work that it

takes, and it takes a lot of work.

688

It's…

689

I'm not gonna ever lie and say

that this journey was easy for me.

690

It was not.

691

And then pulling away from the

relationships, because other people's

692

energy is just as bad as your own.

693

So if you s- are surrounding yourself

with people that are feeding you this

694

negative energy, that are feeding into

that you can't do it, that are feeding

695

into that you need to be exactly

where you're at I knew at a certain

696

point in my journey that all of my

relationships might have to dissolve.

697

Not my children, 'cause I

have to take care of them.

698

Not them, but my marriage, my…

699

Even though I love my husband and he's

700

the better, way better version

of a husband than the first one.

701

And thank the Lord he decided

to do the work with me, right?

702

'Cause I approached

him at a certain point.

703

I'm like, "Hey, I'm gonna be

changing, and I need you to

704

be okay with that, number one.

705

But I also need you to change

because we're not healthy right now.

706

I'm not healthy.

707

I don't really think you're healthy.

708

We need to make some changes and some

shifts, so do you wanna do it with me?"

709

That's how I approached that.

710

And when- so what steps did he

and you together take, for the

711

audience so they can get some- Yeah

712

practical stre- steps to re-

start regaining your health?

713

So where are you at with your MS?

714

Like, how are you feeling?

715

What did you do?

716

Talk about that.

717

Lesions, the second MRI I

got, they all were going away.

718

They all…

719

So I had three remaining,

and they were all shrinking.

720

So at this point I have to believe

that they're gone, so they're gone.

721

You go do testing.

722

Do I have demyelination?

723

No.

724

If I went to a doctor

today, could I be diagnosed?

725

Probably not.

726

Based on my history they're

always gonna diagnose you, right?

727

Because, oh, you have a history.

728

It doesn't go away.

729

You can't heal.

730

You have to go to a doctor that

actually believes you can heal.

731

So if you're going to one that the,

quite literally the last neurologist

732

I went to, "I prescribe drugs.

733

Why are you here?"

734

I'm not gonna take your drugs.

735

So you have to go to somebody there's

only one neurologist I know of, Dr.

736

David Perlmutter, that is

in functional medicine that

737

believes that things can shift.

738

Like- … that is the only doctor I would

agree to go to somebody like him again

739

that believes that, and the truth, really.

740

It's the truth.

741

And changing your diet.

742

We started by changing just that.

743

We started by sh- shifting our

diet The Plant Paradox, i- by Dr.

744

Steven Gundry.

745

And when we did that, man, within

three weeks my numb face … So my

746

face had e- eventually went numb, so

that's my neurological sign finally.

747

20 years later I gotta get tested.

748

Within three weeks my face woke up

and I could taste food again, and I

749

knew we were doing the right thing.

750

And my mom unknowingly had taken

a holistic approach, so I watched

751

her health get better through that.

752

So I already trusted it and

knew that it was … It works.

753

And then- Okay, so you

changed your d- diet.

754

What else?

755

Changed my diet.

756

Figuring out, getting

to know myself, really.

757

That was huge.

758

Getting to know myself and my core values

understanding my, my daily thoughts.

759

Really being more of a positive

person versus negative talk and

760

that includes other people, right?

761

So it's … And then that's hard.

762

My husband and I, we've always liked

to people watch and there's some

763

interesting individuals out there.

764

And that was always a fun game for us,

but it's it's shifting your mindset into

765

who you are and going, hey, maybe this

isn't a positive game that we're playing.

766

And shifting the behavior, and being

more active, physically active.

767

Of course with autoimmunity, that comes

when it's able to because that is a

768

stress, so you can make things worse.

769

So you want to lower inflammation then

add activity s- so that way you're

770

not adding too much of a heavy load.

771

And then I really focused on

why did my family get MS, right?

772

Those genetics.

773

So I support, I can't eat

folic acid, so grains.

774

All grains in the US are fortified.

775

So I stay away from

grains for the most part.

776

I make sure they're organic.

777

I make sure they're not fortified.

778

If I get them I don't want them fortified

with crap that my body can't process.

779

MTHFR was huge.

780

That is passed down by the mother.

781

So these are things we shared.

782

The celiac gene, the one that I have, is

the HLA genes in general are problematic.

783

But mine was overreactive, overresponsive.

784

So not only d- are the grains

fortified, so my MTHFR, my

785

methylation's not processing right.

786

So that, your methylation is huge.

787

It not only processes toxins out

of your body through your liver, it

788

also gets out your excess hormones.

789

So- … estrogen

dominant, it's your liver.

790

Yep.

791

Yep.

792

So I do liver flushes.

793

I do regular parasite cleanses,

infrared light, being out in the sun.

794

My family has a history of

skin cancer, I don't care.

795

I…

796

you eat high antioxidants,

you make more melanin.

797

You chlorophyll's excellent for, you do

these things that help, that where your

798

body helps protect your skin on its own.

799

And you go out and you get

your vitamin D the right way.

800

That's how our body's supposed to get it.

801

And s- Isn't it funny?

802

There's so many things and people are

like, "What are you talking about?"

803

My husband's a fisherman, and one

of the biggest things with fither-

804

fishermen is they eat, to keep the

skin cancer down, because we're in

805

Florida, you're in the sun all the

time- Yeah … a lot of watermelon.

806

Oh, okay.

807

Because watermelon has that protects

the skin from rotting from- Yep … so

808

it's literally, it's like we…

809

I always was like, "Why do we

always eat so much watermelon?"

810

Yeah.

811

I mean- It makes sense.

812

Yeah it was just…

813

And it's practicing these things

every day, it's a daily practice.

814

Every day I'm cleaning up the

penile gland in the beginning,

815

getting the heavy metals out.

816

When I tested my body, I was toxic.

817

I had heavy metal.

818

All the heavy metals that

I had six in the beginning.

819

They were all way past the toxic level.

820

I had Lyme.

821

Oh, that was a pain in the butt.

822

I had to hire a functional doctor

to actually get the proper Lyme

823

testing, 'cause the Western

Blot is ab- absolute crap.

824

Don't trust that.

825

It has a 50% fail rate.

826

Oh, the test?

827

Yeah.

828

Oh, yeah.

829

And it's not, and it's not…

830

Once the- It's crap … yeah, once

the first, once the actual initial

831

bam of the Lyme, it's like the testing

doesn't test anymore, but it still- No

832

continues to destroy all of your organs.

833

Oh, yeah.

834

So I had finally years later, but there's

the antibodies for Lyme, so they're…

835

Like, and also, I just was bit.

836

It wasn't in me.

837

I thought it was a spider.

838

It was very large.

839

So wherever that bug is in its recycling

phase so if it's been on another host

840

and it's ready to regurgitate and

it bites you, if that juice gets in

841

your system, it's in your blood now.

842

So it doesn't have to be implanted and

in you, obviously, because I got it.

843

And I suspected, 'cause a month

after that happened, my face went

844

numb, so I knew those were related.

845

But of course I'm crazy, and he's

the specialist, so what do I know?

846

Yeah.

847

It's really ha- it's really hard,

too, because there's so many, and

848

especially, my daughter went to a

functional medicine doctor and he s-

849

I, to this day, say he saved her life.

850

But she ended up taking all of her blood

out and putting ozone in it, shaking-

851

Yep … it back up and putting it back

in her body, because she had probably

852

mono in first grade or something-

Yep … and never got rid of it.

853

So she literally had no

immune system, so she had E.

854

coli in her body, she had

botulism, she had all the- Yeah

855

things that a normal, healthy

immune system is exposed to every

856

single day but we fight off.

857

Yeah.

858

Yep, I did ozone too.

859

I love now that was insane because

here I'd … By the time I did

860

a 10 pass, and then I did ozone

dialysis, which I recommend more.

861

It's called EBOO.

862

It's more expensive, but it filters out.

863

She, yeah, she did EBOO.

864

It- She did EBOO the second go around

after she had the freaking vaccine

865

and she got all jacked up again.

866

Yeah.

867

Oh, yeah.

868

But that, definitely EBOO over the

10 pass, because the 10 pass puts

869

the die-off back in your system.

870

And so when I did my 10 pass, I think

it was maybe the third treatment, here

871

I'd been detoxing for years at that

point, thought I was, doing amazing.

872

And then I had a Herxheimer reaction

on the third one, which is horrific.

873

It's the worst flu you could think of.

874

You just feel absolutely horrid,

and that's when I realized,

875

oh, it didn't get it all.

876

I hadn't gotten it all because the

ozone definitely got something there.

877

But then every one after that was fine.

878

But I was thankful that I had done

that treatment because when my,

879

when I did get my Lyme testing,

there was 12 co-infections.

880

Yeah.

881

12 co-infections.

882

Every animal I owned w- there

was one linked to every animal.

883

Yeah.

884

Great.

885

So me kissing my little dwarf hamster on

the nose And again, if you're out there

886

listening, this is not to scare you.

887

This is to- No … show you

that really the big picture.

888

You just wanna do what you can do.

889

Yeah.

890

Obviously people can't run out and

get ozone treatment or EBOO treatment-

891

No … at the drop of a dime.

892

It's unrealistic.

893

It's- Yeah … tens of

thousands of dollars for some-

894

Yeah … of the treatments.

895

But what you can do is you can, like

she said, Holly just said it flat

896

out, is you can start taking care of

your body the best way you know how.

897

Yeah.

898

And it's just making

small changes every day.

899

When you go to pick up

that cookie, go maybe not."

900

Yeah.

901

You know what I mean?

902

When your doctor tells

you your A1C is a 6.4,

903

don't pick up the cookie.

904

Pick up something else.

905

Just start making those little

changes and finding things.

906

Honestly, if you're trying to make those

small changes and it seems overwhelming,

907

find those things, those little things

where the replacements can still give

908

you that little dopamine hit because

if you grew up in dysfunction and

909

you grew up in that kind of trauma,

you still need that reward center.

910

Your brain needs it.

911

Yeah.

912

That's why it's a comfort food.

913

That's why it's a comfort game or whatever

your drug of choice is, and I don't

914

mean drug, but you know what I'm saying.

915

But- and with food, I learned how to

make the things I liked with whole foods.

916

So it's not about avoiding classes,

the the cookies or the brownies.

917

Make a resistant starch.

918

Sweet potatoes make a great base for

baked goods Bake it, put it in the

919

refrigerator, make it a resistant starch.

920

Now you're feeding your gut bugs, right?

921

Yeah.

922

You're healing your gut.

923

Leaky gut is attached to all

autoimmune disease, so you're

924

healing your gut, you're reduce…

925

the, the basics is what I…

926

Which seems simple, but it's doing the

basics for seven years in a row, right?

927

It's every morning waking up and

saying positive things to yourself.

928

It's every morning getting out

and getting in the fresh air.

929

It's earthing.

930

It's making sure you're active and

you're moving your calf muscles.

931

Really, your calves.

932

So after you eat a meal, there's three

exercises you can do to move that glucose.

933

Walk for 10 minutes, 30

jumping jacks, or 10 lunges.

934

Those have all equally been proven to move

that glucose to where it's supposed to go.

935

So it's about doing these

things on a regular basis every

936

day because you're worth it.

937

And I don't have it on me right

now, but I usually wear a bracelet

938

that says, "I am enough," because

some days I do need a reminder.

939

Some days, like, when somebody says

something that I don't like to me

940

or there's, something bad happens

that I can't control, sometimes

941

I need that reminder, and it's

right there on my wrist every day.

942

I just came back from the

beach, that's why it's not on.

943

I am enough.

944

I, and I know that about myself.

945

I know that some days I need the

support, and it's like me being that

946

support system for myself ahead of time.

947

Yep.

948

Because sometimes my husband might

be at work, my kids are at school.

949

I don't have them here to support

me in the moment that I feel weak.

950

And so it's, I'm enough, and

then I'm that person for myself.

951

And that's the most important thing, and

I've said that all the time, is like we

952

spend our whole lives not getting what,

the validation we needed from the outside.

953

Yes.

954

And it's now it's like all of

a sudden as adults, why do we

955

think we're gonna get it any…

956

we're not.

957

No- there's no knight in shining

armor that's gonna rush in.

958

No.

959

You, I always say between me

and my God, we got it all.

960

We just- Yeah … we just

have to know we got it all.

961

We c- we have e- all the tools

we need to make ourselves ha-

962

healthy, to heal our own bodies.

963

Yep.

964

We have it all.

965

We just have to learn

the tools to access it.

966

Yep.

967

And so much of it am mi- is mindset.

968

But Holly, this has been super fun.

969

Yep.

970

But if people wanna work

with you, tell them the…

971

I could talk to you all

day- … but I know people are

972

like, "Okay, I gotta go eat."

973

Tell people where they can reach

you if they wanna work with you.

974

Sure.

975

So my website is The Healing Haul,

so it's T-H-E-H-E-A-L-I-N-G, and

976

then Haul, H-A-U-L, at, oh, .com.

977

I was gonna give you my email.

978

But it, thehealinghaul.com.

979

Okay.

980

And all of my socials are linked

up top, so you just click on them.

981

And I do daily reels.

982

It's my way to give back to try

to help people with autoimmune

983

disease get their health back.

984

Perfect.

985

I absolutely love that.

986

And if you could leave, you're

not off the hook yet 'cause I-

987

so appreciate you coming on.

988

But if you could leave the listeners

with one, something tangible or words

989

of wisdom or piece of advice to walk

away with today to make their day a

990

little more positive, what would it be?

991

My favorite, one of my favorite sayings

that I always say is, "If you have

992

breath, God has a purpose for you."

993

And in the Bible it says to fast and pray.

994

Fast and pray.

995

That's it.

996

Fast and pray.

997

That's how you get better.

998

And whether you're religious

or not, you can say a prayer.

999

You can say a prayer.

00:49:28,046 --> 00:49:33,556

We can restrict food in a healthy way,

and I think we eat too much in today's

00:49:33,556 --> 00:49:35,586

world, and too much of the bad things.

00:49:36,036 --> 00:49:38,526

But you have a purpose.

00:49:38,566 --> 00:49:40,836

I truly believe everybody has a purpose.

00:49:40,846 --> 00:49:45,646

There's so many times in my journey I

thought I didn't, and so many times I

00:49:45,646 --> 00:49:52,846

came close to ending my own life because

I didn't see the value in myself.

00:49:52,896 --> 00:49:57,176

And today there is over

100,000 people that follow me.

00:49:57,396 --> 00:50:03,716

I am linked in the UK on a platform, and

I have no idea how many people follow me

00:50:03,716 --> 00:50:07,776

over there, but they found value, right?

00:50:07,976 --> 00:50:11,666

Don't give up on yourself

because your journey is hard.

00:50:11,706 --> 00:50:15,676

It is meant to be hard to build

you to who you're supposed to be.

00:50:16,056 --> 00:50:20,586

I am so thankful that I went through

all of what I went through to be

00:50:20,586 --> 00:50:27,096

who I am today, because God built

me to be this, and now I have a

00:50:27,096 --> 00:50:29,406

purpose, and I share that purpose.

00:50:30,036 --> 00:50:32,226

So that would be, that's it.

00:50:32,266 --> 00:50:33,306

And how do you get that?

00:50:33,316 --> 00:50:34,276

You love yourself.

00:50:34,286 --> 00:50:36,026

You listen to your intuition.

00:50:36,616 --> 00:50:38,426

You do small steps, right?

00:50:38,436 --> 00:50:38,746

You…

00:50:38,766 --> 00:50:42,416

We can a- we can all pick

to eat whole foods, right?

00:50:42,416 --> 00:50:43,536

We can eat the whole food.

00:50:43,536 --> 00:50:44,726

We can make recipes.

00:50:44,776 --> 00:50:48,996

It takes a little bit more work, but

you're loving yourself in that action.

00:50:48,996 --> 00:50:55,276

There's love being put into that food for

you to eat, to nourish who you want to be.

00:50:55,726 --> 00:50:56,276

Amen.

00:50:57,106 --> 00:50:57,986

Very well said.

00:50:57,996 --> 00:50:58,976

Thank you so much.

00:50:58,976 --> 00:51:01,366

And for everybody else out

there listening, you heard it.

00:51:01,686 --> 00:51:02,616

Just love on yourself.

00:51:02,616 --> 00:51:06,346

Treat yourself like your own best friend,

and know that you are so worth it.

00:51:06,346 --> 00:51:07,726

You hear me at the end of the podcast.

00:51:07,726 --> 00:51:09,486

If you listen all the way

through the end, it always says,

00:51:09,736 --> 00:51:10,926

"And know that you are enough.

00:51:10,926 --> 00:51:12,746

You are way more than enough."

00:51:12,766 --> 00:51:14,736

That's how I end my podcast every time.

00:51:15,106 --> 00:51:19,546

But it is true, and you deserve

every good thing that's out there

00:51:19,546 --> 00:51:21,256

for you, and you need to know that.

00:51:21,266 --> 00:51:23,936

So if you doubt that, and

you need somebody, and you

00:51:23,936 --> 00:51:25,466

need a backup, you got Holly.

00:51:25,466 --> 00:51:26,176

You got me.

00:51:26,176 --> 00:51:26,196

Yeah.

00:51:26,206 --> 00:51:28,506

You got all the support

in the world out there.

00:51:28,846 --> 00:51:30,906

Go and just nourish yourself.

00:51:30,996 --> 00:51:33,876

Just nourish yourself and love

on yourself, and . It will be

00:51:33,886 --> 00:51:35,266

so worth it, I promise you.

00:51:35,736 --> 00:51:38,986

So you all have a very blessed

week, and we will see you back

00:51:38,996 --> 00:51:41,176

here tomorrow for Tammy Sakes.

00:51:41,286 --> 00:51:42,096

Have a great day.