Would you like a simple, powerful way to reduce workplace misunderstandings and boost motivation?

In this solo episode of the Happier at Work podcast, host Aoife O’Brien dives deep into the concept of the “Manual of Me,” a practical guide you and your team can use to clarify communication styles, working preferences, motivators, and more. Inspired by real-world experiences and expert recommendations, Aoife outlines why this personalised approach can transform your work environment, fostering openness, psychological safety, and strong, authentic relationships.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover:

• Why misunderstandings and miscommunication often stem from differing work styles, and how to prevent them.
• Real-life examples of how vague terms like “ASAP” can derail productivity, and how to define expectations instead.
• The positive impact of sharing these guides with your team to build psychological safety and transparency.
• The value of adding personal, human touches to deepen workplace relationships.

Related Topics Covered:

Motivation at Work, Employee Wellbeing, Non-negotiables at Work

 Connect with Aoife O’Brien | Host of Happier at Work®:

• Website 
• LinkedIn 
• YouTube 

Related Episodes You’ll Love:

Episode 184: A Framework for Building Happier Work Cultures with Aoife O’Brien

About Happier at Work®

Happier at Work® is the podcast for business leaders who want to create meaningful, human-centric workplaces. Hosted by Aoife O’Brien, the show explores leadership, career clarity, imposter syndrome, workplace culture, and employee engagement — helping you and your team thrive.

If you enjoy podcasts like WorkLife with Adam Grant, The Happiness Lab, or Squiggly Careers, you’ll love Happier at Work®.

Website: https://happieratwork.ie LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aoifemobrien/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HappierAtWorkHQ

Mentioned in this episode:

Thriving Talent book

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What if everyone on your team had a guide that showed how they work best, what really motivates them, and how to get the best out of them? I think we could all agree that this would be something absolutely amazing. This is the Happier at Work podcast. I'm your host, Aoife o', Brien, career and culture strategist for commercial leaders and teams. And I have to admit that this is an episode that I've been meaning to record for a long time. And I kept putting it off and putting it off because I thought it had to be perfect. I thought I had to have all of the answers. And so it's been on my list of something to record, and I think it's something that we can all benefit from. So take what you can from this episode and apply it today.

I'll share some really specific strategies at the end of the episode, and if you want to get your hands on the template that I use to create this guide, then feel free to reach out to me directly on podcastappieratwork. Ie. The other thing that I wanted to share was this is partially inspired by various different examples of this, whatever you want to call it, Manual of Me or how to Work with Me guide, and also by Faye Wallace, who did an episode a number of years ago. And ever since then I've had in the back of my mind that I would like to share something in my own perspective on this as well. So first of all, let's start with why, like, why is it important to do this? I think if you've ever had any misunderstandings, any miscommunication at work, or if you've ever been in a room where you've all got together and talked about personality styles or communication styles, people's different ways of working, I think you'll understand. You kind of have these aha moments, like that's why that person behaves in that way, or that's why that person is like that. And let's take communication style as an example. If someone just replies with a thumbs up or with an okay, maybe they have more of a direct communication style as opposed to feeling the need to kind of warm things up a little bit.

If you have more of the personal communication style that focuses more on building relationships with other people, we often assume that people are similar to us or that they like to work in the same way that we do. And this is what can cause an awful lot of conflict as well. So thinking about creating one of these guides, it avoids these kinds of misunderstandings. Let's take deadlines as an example as well. So if someone says to me that I want something asap, to me, that means drop everything you're doing and get onto it. For other people, that might mean something different. It might mean get to it whenever you're finished, whatever you're currently working on. Or look at this by the end of next week.

For example, slight side note, as you know, if you've been listening to the podcast, I like to do these side notes. But what someone told me before is that ASAP is not a deadline. You need to give someone an actual deadline, let them know what that means. And so asap, ASAP is not actually a deadline. So if someone asks you to do something asap, feel free to push back and ask them for specific information about what that means to them. So we can avoid misunderstanding. We can avoid misunderstandings about deadlines. Maybe there could be some confusion around communication styles and communication preferences.

If you think someone is being a little bit brash or a little bit rude with you, maybe it's because, like I mentioned, they have this more direct communication style. They don't feel the need to fill it with fluff or to ask people about the weather or how things are going. And communication styles can also mean things like whether someone prefers face to face or email or phone, things like that. And then it can also avoid these situations where we're receiving feedback in a way that is not really a way that we're used to or a way that is really going to support us. So sharing things like that in this document can really help to avoid those kinds of situations. So at the end of the day, within a team especially, so I don't see this as a solo project. This is something that you can absolutely do yourself. But also I would highly encourage you to share it with your team so that they can get to know you and so that you can get to know them when they fill out their one as well.

And it really encourages more openness, more transparency, and an environment of psychological safety where people feel like it's okay to speak up and to be themselves as well. So what is in the guide itself? I'm going to give you some kind of broad headlines that you can work on and take away yourselves to work on it. Mine include some slightly different parts to them as well, some additional bits, but I think the main points are covered in this. If you would like access to the template that I've created so you can just basically take it and fill it out, do Feel free to reach out to me directly on podcastappieratwork, ie. So let's start with the communication style. So we kind of touched on that already. And it can mean different things. Like when I think of communication style, I think of some specific things, like how you prefer to communicate, whether it is via email or speaking to someone, whether you want to be face to face with someone.

Also the idea around your communication style. So if you've ever done disc profiling the D that I was referring to, that kind of direct style, that is the thumbs up, the okay. They don't really engage in that small talk. They're very direct. And when people are on the receiving end of that, it can seem quite intense if you're not used to it or if you don't know that that person has that kind of style. So first area is communication style, then around decision making. So are you the kind of person who makes fast decisions or do you need to gather a little bit more information first, gather a bit of data, ask a few different people for input and then make a decision? So what is your decision making style then? Your feedback preferences? How do you prefer to receive feedback? I know for me personally I like to have a conversation followed up with an email. So I have something in writing that I can refer back to but also have that initial conversation first.

That goes for both positive feedback that I'm receiving, but also developmental feedback as well. Something that will help me and support me in my career. I love, you know, I love getting that. I love being open to that as well. But this can also apply to recognition at work. So how do you prefer to be recognized to? Do you prefer a one on one conversation? Do you prefer not to let the whole team know or not to let the whole company know? Again, for me, I'm one of the, I'm the kind of person who I want everyone to know if I've done a really good job and I'm being recognized, then I want people to know. I don't want it to be something private. Then on working style or boundaries, this can be when you work best.

I work best first thing in the morning. Get me really early because that is when I do my best work. That's when I can get into that really deep work and really get into something and solve those really gnarly problems that I love solving. And so morning time works really well for me. It doesn't work necessarily for everyone, but you can also think about, do you prefer being in the office? Do you prefer being around other people and for me, it really depends on the kind of work I'm doing. But you can include that kind of information in the guide as well. So for collaborative type of projects, then, you know, I'm happy to work over a zoom call, for example, with other people. Or you prefer to do the bits that you need to do and then collaborate at a later stage.

Or you prefer to come together all in the same room and work your way through whatever it is that you're working through. So sharing that kind of information really, really helps for you to understand yourself, but also for other people to understand what your working preferences are. I talked about this idea of boundaries. This can include things like your non negotiables. So you have specific things in your diary outside of work that you must attend. It can also be in how people treat you and how people speak to you and really communicate those things as well within that guide and, and allow it to open up conversations about that. So you could have a date night. You could have, you know, I don't have meetings before 9:30 because I need to drop the kids off at school.

Things like that that are really, really important and help people to understand a little bit more about where you're coming from and what those non negotiables are. Then there's a section on motivators and strengths. This ties in very specifically with the Happier at Work framework. So if you're a longtime listener, you will have heard me talking about the framework before. The motivators really are what really drives you to do your best work, and having a clear understanding of what that is and taking the time to understand about what those drivers for you are. I think sometimes it's easier for us to understand what our negative drivers are or what our frustrations at work are, or what our unmet needs at work are, because we feel really frustrated about it. But understanding what those are and what really drives you to do your best work will help other people to get the best out of you and help you feel much more fulfilled at what it is that you're doing. And then on the strengths piece, it's something that we don't talk often enough about at work.

I think it's something that we really need to start talking more about. What are those underlying strengths that you have as an individual? What are the things that make you feel strong? What are the things that come easily and naturally to you? What are the things that other people ask you about? Now, with both the motivators and the strengths within my template, I also have links where you can Take surveys, quizzes, assessments, whatever you want to call it to find out more about what those are. And especially on the strengths piece, what are any untapped strengths that you might have? So a strength that you have, but you don't necessarily get to use it that often. Then we are on to number six, which is the kind of support that you need. What kind of support? What specific resources? How can people support you best? If someone is giving you a piece of work to do, how can they best support you to get that work done? I know for me, I need a lot of clarity around deadlines. I need, you know, if there's specific people I need to speak to, who is it that I need to speak to? I need a lot of clarity before I can get started on something. So if there's something that's not clear or if there are steps that haven't necessarily been explained, and I really appreciate when someone shares what is the outcome that is expected here? I talk an awful lot about expectations, especially expectations around time and quality. So what does good actually look like here? What does excellent look like here? And how long do you anticipate that this is going to take me? And again, if I think about some random example that I had back in.

When I was working for a summer in Germany and I thought I was doing a brilliant job, I was taking over. My friend was working as a chambermaid. I took over from her for. For just a day. And I thought I was doing a brilliant job because I was doing everything really perfectly. But actually what they were looking for was someone who is really fast. So, you know, the expectation there was that it would take 20 minutes to turn a room around, whereas I was spending an hour making sure that everything was absolutely perfect. That's not what they were looking for.

So how to translate that into setting really clear expectations? We don't want something that's absolutely perfect and typo free. We want something that we can get out quickly. So being really clear about that kind of stuff I think is really important. So the last section then that I'm going to talk about is the fun fact. So bringing more of a human element into this, what makes you you, what makes you a little bit different. And some fun facts that I've included in Min. So one is I'm a huge Simpsons fan and I can quote Simpsons, you know, forever probably. I love relating specific episodes back to real life or thinking about situations in real life and reflecting on how that relates to an episode of the Simpsons.

I know that makes me very unique. I know that makes me a total nerd. But some people really get that. Some people really appreciate it. Another fun fact. I have been to all seven continents in the world. I am a huge world traveler and that does include Antarctica. I went to antarctica back in 2013 and absolutely loved it.

Any questions about that? Definitely feel free to reach out to me. And another kind of random one, but I have been in the, in the audience, I might add, on three US Talk shows, so I don't think any of them are going anymore. But Ricki Lake, Jenny Jones, and Jerry Springer, I was in the audience of all three of those in the U.S. and yes, it was a lot of fun and really interesting to see behind the scenes. So those kinds of facts allow people just to see a bit more of the human, you know, a bit more of the human behind who is it this person that I'm working with. And so everything that I'm talking about today also links back with my no Show Grow framework. And it most, it most strongly ties in with the know and it's about knowing yourself and being able to share what you know about yourself quite easily with other people so that they can advocate on your behalf, so that they can look out for you, so that they can give you work that really lights you up, so they know how to motivate you so you're not going to feel frustrated at work. So for me, I think it's really important to do these kinds of exercises.

If you haven't done it yet, as I mentioned, feel free to reach out and I will. You can either use the topics that I talked about today or reach out to me directly and I'll happily share the template that I've put together as well. So you can either use it in Excel or if you use Notion, I can share a notion link with you. So next steps for you. Here are the actions that I would encourage you to take. I was going to say I would like you to take. I'm not going to make you do anything, but I think here are the obvious next steps for you. So it's about creating your own so you can use my template or use the topics or headings that I talked about today or feel free to search.

There are loads of these kinds of things available online. The difference with my one is I've included links of quizzes and assessments that you can take to determine things that maybe you don't necessarily know about yourself yet. And so I would encourage you to take the time to do that. One caveat with that is I spent so long trying to get things right and making it perfect and like, oh, I have to make sure I include all of the different personality profiling, all of that kind of thing. And actually that. That was to my detriment. You don't have to. You can take, you can fill this out a little bit at a time, but I would encourage you to spend an initial 20 minutes doing that and then share it with your team and encourage them to fill out and do the same for themselves and then have a wider meeting where you're all sharing with each other.

This is a living, breathing document. It's something that you can come back to again and again. Maybe review it every six months or 12 months and come back to it and update it as you see fit. As a reminder, this kind of document can prevent misunderstandings. It can save time because there's no miscommunication. You really understand how people communicate. And also it can help you to build stronger relationships because you understand more about where people are coming from. So I usually ask, what's one thing that you're going to do differently after listening to the podcast today? But hopefully I know already, what is that one thing? Spend about 20 minutes thinking about this kind of stuff for yourself and how you can share that within your team.

I really, really hope you enjoyed today's episod. I always love hearing from listeners, so do let me know how you got on.