Shownotes
In today's episode of the Inside Our Entrepreneur® Podcast, I am talking about your emotions and emotional intelligence. I also give you 3 things you can look out for to start becoming aware of your own emotional intelligence and how it might be impacting your life and business.
This is such a hugely important area for learning and growth for female entrepreneurs, visionaries, creatives etc and yet, it is something that is probably the least well known. During the show, I explain what EI / EQ / Emotional Intelligence is as well as talking you through some real life examples of good and not so good emotional intelligence.
You don't want to miss this episode if you are ready to level up in your life and your business!
Who is Suzi Belmont?
Suzi Belmont is a multi 7 figure entrepreneur (15 years), therapist, coach, mental health and psychology expert known for ‘creating seismic shifts in women and entrepreneurs’, causing ‘quantum leaps in their abilities’ and ‘completely transforming confidence’ in her clients. Her work has been described by clients as ‘mind-blowing’, ‘like having a fairy godmother around’, ‘the most extraordinary coach’, ‘pure gold’ and ‘absolutely life changing’.
She blends her 15 years entrepreneurial experience with psychology, emotional intelligence, leadership, energetics, consciousness, early childhood development, trauma, mindset, neuroscience and a touch of ancient wisdom (she can read Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs fluently) to help you understand how you inner world REALLY operates so that you can harness it to create massive success as an entrepreneur.
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Suzi's YouTube: If you want videos to help you with your inner journey, see Suzi's youtube channel.
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Transcripts
Today I'm talking about your emotions and emotional intelligence.
Speaker:I'm also going to give you three things that you can look out for to start
Speaker:becoming aware of your own emotional intelligence and how it might be
Speaker:impacting your life and your business.
Speaker:This is your time now.
Speaker:Okay, let's go!
Speaker:Hi, I'm Suzi Belmont, a multi seven figure entrepreneur with 15 years
Speaker:experience, as well as a psychology expert, qualified coach, and therapist.
Speaker:This podcast is your secret resource to help you grow from the inside out.
Speaker:It's like personal development for entrepreneurs and leaders, all wrapped
Speaker:up in fun, positivity, and motivation.
Speaker:So, pull up your chair and get ready to change your life and
Speaker:your business from the inside out.
Speaker:This is the Inside Out Entrepreneur Podcast.
Speaker:Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of the podcast
Speaker:with me, your host Suzi Belmont.
Speaker:I cannot tell you how good it feels to be back doing these regular shows.
Speaker:So much of me comes out of my podcasts and so many of my original one to one
Speaker:clients way, way back with the first ever podcast came through that first show.
Speaker:So it's really nice just being back and sharing my thoughts for the
Speaker:week . And this week, I am digging deep into emotional intelligence or EQ,
Speaker:which stands for emotional quotient.
Speaker:And this week is a good one.
Speaker:It's one of my favorite topics.
Speaker:So grab yourself a cuppa and a chair or a water bottle or some trainers or a
Speaker:dog, whatever it is that will make you just focus for the next 20 minutes or so.
Speaker:You get to treat yourself to a show, to listening, and your body
Speaker:gets to just relax a little bit.
Speaker:Now, before I start, a little favor to ask each and every one of you.
Speaker:If you are enjoying the show, please can you pause and hit subscribe on iTunes,
Speaker:Spotify, or wherever you're listening.
Speaker:It makes it easier for me to track which episodes people like,
Speaker:and whether people are joining, whether the numbers are going up
Speaker:up because that obviously affects where I go with this show in the future.
Speaker:And let's be honest, let's not pretend.
Speaker:It's also really nice for me to see subscriber numbers going up because
Speaker:I'm the one that records the shows.
Speaker:So don't forget to do that if you are minded to.
Speaker:Okay, back to emotional intelligence.
Speaker:And first up, what exactly is emotional intelligence?
Speaker:Well, some, including me, argue that it is something that is so critical to success
Speaker:and mastery when it comes to business that a lack of it can really put you
Speaker:behind or really mess up your business.
Speaker:And indeed your life, whether that's your relationships, your social life.
Speaker:your family life, just generally your life.
Speaker:Yet, it is not something that most of you will have been taught in school.
Speaker:I certainly wasn't, and my kids certainly aren't.
Speaker:And sadly, most
Speaker:parents don't teach it either to their kids because they
Speaker:weren't taught it either.
Speaker:I wasn't taught it by my parents.
Speaker:I didn't teach it to my kids in the early years.
Speaker:It's only when I realized what was going on and I started to study it,
Speaker:I was like, oh my god, I kind of need more of this in my world and
Speaker:I need more of this in my business.
Speaker:And that makes me a little bit sad because it's the applicability of
Speaker:emotional intelligence in the context of entrepreneurship and business
Speaker:that makes such a massive difference
Speaker:. So what is it?
Speaker:Well, emotional intelligence, which is often abbreviated to EI or EQ, is simply
Speaker:the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express your inner feelings
Speaker:to others In any aspect of your life.
Speaker:For example, when you're running a business.
Speaker:Whilst also at the same time being able to balance and navigate the inner
Speaker:feelings, the inner world, the emotions of your customers, clients, team, and
Speaker:those who you come into contact with.
Speaker:It's a bit like an emotional seesaw.
Speaker:Balancing your emotions on one end with the rest of the world's
Speaker:emotions on the other end, or the rest of the world in your world,
Speaker:so like your customers or whoever.
Speaker:That seesaw that's in your mind right now.
Speaker:Imagine if you put your emotions first, all of the time, without
Speaker:anyone else's emotions ever coming up.
Speaker:What would happen to the seesaw?
Speaker:You'd see that your end of the seesaw would go down, but then the other
Speaker:end of the seesaw would stay up.
Speaker:Equally, if you put everyone else's emotions and feelings and everything
Speaker:else that's coming from them at the other end of the seesaw first, you put
Speaker:everyone else first all of the time, all of their feelings and their emotions
Speaker:you put before yours, and I'm talking to you, you people pleasers out there, then
Speaker:the other side would go down and your emotions would be suspended in the air.
Speaker:And this is the key.
Speaker:It's about balancing the two, so you are happy and your other
Speaker:people in your life are happy too.
Speaker:And this always makes me think of something my estate
Speaker:agent Charlie said to me.
Speaker:He said that when he sells houses, he always aims for the buyer and the
Speaker:seller to both be a little bit happy, but there's always going to be something
Speaker:that they're not quite happy about.
Speaker:So it's almost they're both a little bit happy.
Speaker:That way he gets deals over the line.
Speaker:Whereas what most other agents do is they focus only on their client, only on the
Speaker:buyer, if that's their client, or only on the seller, if that's their client,
Speaker:typically they're acting for the seller.
Speaker:So they're, they're only focusing on the seller and then the buyers
Speaker:get upset because they're like, well, I'm not happy with the deal.
Speaker:And then the transaction fails.
Speaker:So he's balancing the seesaw rather than going too much one way or the other.
Speaker:So bring this to your business in your life.
Speaker:When you have high emotional intelligence, it's like you have this extra superpower
Speaker:that helps you tune into your own emotions as well as those of the people around you.
Speaker:And when you can do this, you open up a world of choice that is based
Speaker:on responding to situations rather than emotionally reacting to them.
Speaker:Let me give you an example here.
Speaker:You've all seen posts on Facebook where someone comes on and has a big old rant
Speaker:about a customer, another business, or something that just annoys them, something
Speaker:that's just really annoying them.
Speaker:I've done this too.
Speaker:I've done this in my past learning journey, and I won't hide that because
Speaker:it was my experiential journey that taught me so much of what I know.
Speaker:Not just my qualifications in mental health and well being and trauma and
Speaker:psychology and all those things, it's my experience that has taught me so much too.
Speaker:But often when someone posts to Facebook and has a big old reactive rant about
Speaker:something, or they go really too far and they start, you know, naming
Speaker:somebody and having a real go at them and really attacking them, there's often
Speaker:a real lack of emotional intelligence.
Speaker:For example, I've seen real business owners come on and bitch about other
Speaker:business owners because they couldn't handle their own emotions around what
Speaker:the other business owner was doing.
Speaker:They got triggered and lashed out without thinking about how their
Speaker:own customers might perceive this.
Speaker:Their seesaw was out of whack.
Speaker:They were just thinking about their own emotions, they were not thinking
Speaker:about the other business owners emotions, and they were sure as hell
Speaker:not thinking about their existing customers emotions, because otherwise
Speaker:they probably wouldn't have done it.
Speaker:There's this line that somebody said to me in 2011, and it's stuck
Speaker:in my mind ever since, which was, keep your side of the street clean.
Speaker:And that is how I approach social media.
Speaker:If you've got a grievance with somebody and you're managing your
Speaker:emotions well, you're not going to not do anything about it.
Speaker:You'll have a conversation with them, but you don't need to do it in public.
Speaker:You don't need to put your dirty laundry in public.
Speaker:Because actually when that happens, no one ever really wins.
Speaker:And you end up see it with some customers going, Ooh, that doesn't look great.
Speaker:The way that she's handling that situation.
Speaker:Maybe I won't buy from that business.
Speaker:And remember, it's not just your own existing customers
Speaker:that might be watching this.
Speaker:It's your prospects who are sitting and watching.
Speaker:And these really count.
Speaker:They get to see via socials the good, the bad , and the ugly of a business
Speaker:owner who is driven by their emotions.
Speaker:And I think you could probably all call one or two examples into mind.
Speaker:If it's not another business owner, then it's maybe someone in
Speaker:your family, something like that.
Speaker:So in the same way, how a business responds to a customer in a public space
Speaker:also reveals emotional intelligence.
Speaker:And again, I've seen real businesses come on and rant about a customer
Speaker:rather than trying to resolve the issue with the customer.
Speaker:I've actually seen therapists do that do this on Instagram.
Speaker:Where they come on and they rant about somebody who was having
Speaker:therapy and how much they annoyed them and things like that just in
Speaker:the name of getting more likes.
Speaker:And I'm like, Oh God.
Speaker:The see saw is really out of whack here because what if your client sees this?
Speaker:This never looks good.
Speaker:And let's be honest here, you know, we're not perfect.
Speaker:Everyone has probably seen someone or knows of someone who's got into a
Speaker:bit of a Facebook fight with a total stranger over something quite trivial
Speaker:because they've been triggered by it.
Speaker:And it actually takes quite a lot of emotional intelligence to navigate that
Speaker:when you're on the receiving end of someone else doing this to you as well.
Speaker:Think of emotional intelligence as something that you can spot, you
Speaker:can spot in other people, but you want to try and spot it in yourself.
Speaker:And it's this blend of high self awareness, high empathy and high
Speaker:social skills that allow you to handle interpersonal relationships with the
Speaker:right energetic and emotional response.
Speaker:And the reference there to the two E's, energetic and emotional, is important.
Speaker:This is both an energetic and an emotional response, which is why I cover energy and
Speaker:consciousness and emotions in my programs.
Speaker:Hopefully that's making it a little bit clearer as to where emotional
Speaker:intelligence starts to sit.
Speaker:Now obviously there are lots of other applications but I just
Speaker:wanted to give you a simple example.
Speaker:Let's look as well at empathy for a moment, because yes, you need
Speaker:empathy, but often that gets mixed up in business, particularly with
Speaker:women, funnily enough, with sympathy.
Speaker:Another example is judgment.
Speaker:Yes, you need strong judgment in your business and very strong
Speaker:discernment, but that often gets mixed up with this need to be right.
Speaker:Just saying what you think all of the time in the name of authenticity isn't enough.
Speaker:Saying what you think, being authentic, and the real you, Great.
Speaker:And using discernment and emotional intelligence also matters.
Speaker:This is why understanding your inner world, your emotions, and
Speaker:your emotional intelligence matter so much because otherwise you're
Speaker:missing parts of the puzzle.
Speaker:So let me put a little flesh on the bones here.
Speaker:Imagine you are at a party and you can sense when someone
Speaker:feels left out or uncomfortable.
Speaker:That's emotional intelligence at work.
Speaker:It's not just about being nice.
Speaker:It's not about overgiving and sacrificing your own needs for others.
Speaker:It's not about losing your own personal boundaries, it's about
Speaker:recognizing emotions in real time, understanding what they mean,
Speaker:and using your awareness and your intuition to interact more effectively.
Speaker:And hopefully you can see how a lack of this can create an emotional
Speaker:tornado in business, which ends up potentially destroying the very
Speaker:thing that you're trying to build.
Speaker:High emotional intelligence means really getting to
Speaker:understand your own inner world.
Speaker:Once you have that, you really start to revolutionize your
Speaker:relationship with yourself.
Speaker:And when you do that, you uplevel your communication with others around you,
Speaker:you reduce your stress because you understand what's happening internally,
Speaker:and your relationships get better both at work and at home because
Speaker:everything becomes much stronger and much more healthy from the inside out.
Speaker:I guess emotional intelligence is really like having a powerful inner compass
Speaker:that guides you through the complex landscape of your emotions and how they
Speaker:link to your beliefs and your actions.
Speaker:And then how that impacts your ability to make money, to build
Speaker:relationships, and ultimately both see success and truly feel it.
Speaker:Contrary to what all the bro marketers will tell you about being one funnel away
Speaker:from success or whatever it is they say, true success comes with understanding
Speaker:your emotions, which ultimately then gets you to a place of real freedom.
Speaker:I can't even begin to tell you what it's like when I observe when my clients get
Speaker:here and they've suddenly have got it.
Speaker:And they understand what's going on in their inner world,
Speaker:and they just feel so free.
Speaker:That's exactly the words that they use.
Speaker:I feel free.
Speaker:I feel like everything's so light, and everything is free.
Speaker:It's brilliant, and it's so nice to watch.
Speaker:Now, let me tell you a lovely story about understanding emotions.
Speaker:You see, I have two children.
Speaker:Two neurodivergent kids, as I've mentioned, and one neurotypical child.
Speaker:And my youngest child, little Wren, who is nine, for those of you who used
Speaker:to listen when she was three in the first ever podcast episode, I have been
Speaker:working with her for a couple of years on building her emotional intelligence
Speaker:because she has a lot of big emotions.
Speaker:And they kind of operate a little bit like a pinball machine at times, just sort
Speaker:of firing off in every single direction.
Speaker:And she's quite feisty, which is kind of expected with me as a mum.
Speaker:I'm quite energetic, she's picked up some of that as well.
Speaker:I'm probably quite feisty as well.
Speaker:And she really struggles sometimes to make friends in school due
Speaker:to neurodiversity complications.
Speaker:Now, she has a very high understanding of her own inner world, because
Speaker:I have spent so much time with her, taking her to a place where
Speaker:she's not afraid of her feelings.
Speaker:And it wasn't always that way.
Speaker:She used to be really scared of her own emotions, and then the cognitive
Speaker:process that would happen where they sort of become feelings once she's
Speaker:thought about what they are, also used to terrify her or confuse her.
Speaker:And yes, she still has lots to learn.
Speaker:She's only little.
Speaker:But when she was eight, in a former school, she was riding on a minibus
Speaker:to the sports match at another school.
Speaker:And while she was on the bus, She got bored, as she often does.
Speaker:And she started fidgeting and tackling her hockey stick, this
Speaker:is part of her neurodiversity.
Speaker:And she was doing this in a rhythm on the bus while the bus was moving.
Speaker:Well, a couple of bangs on the floor and the PE teacher completely lost it.
Speaker:And she was shouted at and told to stop, according to her story.
Speaker:And, well, when she didn't do this straight away She got a detention.
Speaker:Now, whether that was right or wrong doesn't really matter for this story.
Speaker:I know some of you will be thinking, what?
Speaker:Wait, what went on?
Speaker:And other people will be thinking, yeah, she should have got a detention.
Speaker:It's not relevant, not relevant for this story.
Speaker:It's what happened next that matters.
Speaker:The following week, she got on the bus and before she did anything,
Speaker:the coach punished her just in case.
Speaker:He was still mad from the week before, and he was holding a lot of energy
Speaker:around that from the week before.
Speaker:And so he excluded her from the match that week.
Speaker:just because he was still holding the punishment.
Speaker:So she went along to the match, but she wasn't actually playing.
Speaker:And in her little head, because you have to do things very proximately
Speaker:with children, she was struggling to piece together why she was being
Speaker:told off, why she's being excluded.
Speaker:And if you've got children, you will know that time really matters.
Speaker:You have to kind of make the thing that they did wrong or incorrect proximate
Speaker:to the punishment that you're giving.
Speaker:Otherwise, It's pointless, they don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker:And so she couldn't understand why this teacher was in a bad mood a week later.
Speaker:She was really confused and she was a bit upset about it because she
Speaker:couldn't work out what she'd done.
Speaker:Anyway, she came home and told me all about this, and this is where EQ, or
Speaker:emotional intelligence, kicks in a bit.
Speaker:Because as a parent, I had to manage my emotions, because in truth, If I'm
Speaker:being really honest, I was thinking what kind of teacher punishes a child before
Speaker:they've done anything, and why on earth is he still holding a grudge a week later?
Speaker:He's an adult, for crying out loud.
Speaker:What is going on there?
Speaker:But I also, at the same time, had to create a place for her to open up and
Speaker:feel safe to share what she was feeling.
Speaker:And we did this, and then the following week, she had another match.
Speaker:And after school, I was a bit nervous.
Speaker:And I said, how did it go?
Speaker:Thinking, oh god, what if he's punished her again, or what if she
Speaker:was being difficult, or something like that in the class, or she
Speaker:was rude, or something like that.
Speaker:And she said, yeah, he was mean again.
Speaker:And then boom, in a way that only kids really do.
Speaker:Like, kids just surprise you how quickly they take up things.
Speaker:She upped her emotional intelligence way above mine.
Speaker:Because I was feeling my emotions kick off, and I was debating
Speaker:how I would respond to this.
Speaker:And I was really focused on my end of the seesaw, and I was thinking,
Speaker:What is wrong with this teacher?
Speaker:It's been a couple of weeks, why is he still holding a grudge?
Speaker:What is going on?
Speaker:Maybe I should email.
Speaker:What's he playing at?
Speaker:I'm really annoyed.
Speaker:Maybe I should say something.
Speaker:Maybe I should express my frustration to Wren.
Speaker:And before I said anything, she said, It's okay, Mum.
Speaker:I spoke to him.
Speaker:And I was like, uh oh, uh oh, what happened here?
Speaker:And she said, I went over and I said, Sir, it's okay that you're still
Speaker:angry with me and the other children.
Speaker:I can see that you're hurting, and I think it's because you believe that
Speaker:the class doesn't really listen to you.
Speaker:How true is that, and how can I help you?
Speaker:And I was like, okay, I have no words.
Speaker:You've just done like an amazing job of listening and understanding
Speaker:your teacher and your emotions.
Speaker:She had worked out that he was angry, not because of her, but
Speaker:because he was dealing with his own emotions and his own frustrations
Speaker:. And I don't need to tell you the rest of the story, but it
Speaker:all worked out really well.
Speaker:. But it was pretty much at that point that I realised that Wren, who
Speaker:sometimes struggles academically, who is neurodivergent, was going to
Speaker:be totally fine in life, because her emotional intelligence is really high.
Speaker:And you don't just need academics in life, you need a lot of emotional
Speaker:intelligence to succeed in business.
Speaker:Almost, I would say, it's more important, well it is more important than
Speaker:academics, I would absolutely say that.
Speaker:Not almost, I would absolutely say that.
Speaker:So at best, you know, high intellectual intelligence and high
Speaker:emotional intelligence, great.
Speaker:But if you've got low intellectual intelligence, but you've got
Speaker:high emotional intelligence, you will be just fine.
Speaker:And yet, we don't teach this in school.
Speaker:We don't teach emotional intelligence in school.
Speaker:There's no emotions class, there's no emotional intelligence class.
Speaker:Weird, right?
Speaker:Really weird, because actually in business, emotional intelligence is really
Speaker:important in life, in relationships, in looking after yourself, in understanding
Speaker:your own world, in your own mental health.
Speaker:It's all important, yet we don't really teach it.
Speaker:Anyway, you get where I'm going here.
Speaker:You see that it's this 360 degree awareness of both your own emotions
Speaker:and other people's emotions, whether that other person is your client, a
Speaker:prospect, a team member, or someone you're collaborating with who's a peer
Speaker:that is so powerful.
Speaker:It means if you've got this emotional intelligence and you understand it
Speaker:and you understand yourself because that's where you really get to do
Speaker:the work, it means you can navigate the entrepreneurial journey through
Speaker:really fast flowing waters without falling out of the boat that you're in.
Speaker:You don't end up feeling a victim or a hostage to your own feelings.
Speaker:And when your own emotional intelligence is high, you really get to choose how
Speaker:you respond in any given situation, as you're able to control that knee jerk
Speaker:emotional response, that emotional reaction, so much more easily.
Speaker:Having that little bit of time to choose how you're going to respond, rather than
Speaker:just knee jerk react, is a game changer.
Speaker:So, now you know a little bit more about what emotional intelligence
Speaker:is, how can you identify if you have high or low emotional intelligence?
Speaker:And what I want to do for your takeaway for today's podcast is give
Speaker:you three things that you can look out for to start becoming aware of
Speaker:your own emotional intelligence.
Speaker:But be aware, this is not so you can self criticise if you have indications
Speaker:that you might need to do some work on your emotional intelligence or you might
Speaker:not be understanding your emotions.
Speaker:This isn't so you can have a go at yourself.
Speaker:Self compassion is so important.
Speaker:And again, as I always mention, if you want to know a little bit more about
Speaker:your emotions and what's going on in your inner world and how your emotions might
Speaker:be sabotaging your business then or any part of your life go check out my ESP
Speaker:quiz over on my website at suzibelmont.
Speaker:com.
Speaker:That's the emotional survival pattern quiz.
Speaker:You'll see it there.
Speaker:It's at the top of the page.
Speaker:There's a, there's a page for it and have a look at that because that will
Speaker:give you some more insight for free.
Speaker:Just remember that the things that I'm going to cover in the next little part of
Speaker:this podcast are there to help you learn about your own emotional intelligence,
Speaker:not to help you put yourself down or not to say I'm better than everyone else.
Speaker:Awareness is neutral.
Speaker:So allow yourself to be neutral about this when you self reflect.
Speaker:Okay, when it comes to looking at your own emotional intelligence, three things that
Speaker:you might want to start becoming aware of.
Speaker:Number one thing.
Speaker:The first thing to become aware of or start becoming aware of is
Speaker:your own levels of self awareness.
Speaker:How aware are you of your own emotions?
Speaker:Like properly aware.
Speaker:I don't mean can you tell if you're angry, like most people
Speaker:can tell when they're angry.
Speaker:Hopefully you can at least.
Speaker:What I mean is how clearly can you identify where they are in your body
Speaker:and what they're trying to tell you?
Speaker:Can you understand the method of communication, realizing that the
Speaker:feelings that you might be having are feedback, not facts, and that they might
Speaker:be connected to underlying emotions?
Speaker:Or, do you tend to make decisions based on your emotional world as if those
Speaker:emotions are facts ? If your answer to this is that you are definitely not
Speaker:understanding your emotions and feeling in control of them, or that you're
Speaker:not sure, then you may need to do some work on your emotional intelligence.
Speaker:Entrepreneurs, female entrepreneurs who are high in emotional intelligence
Speaker:really understand the link to thoughts and behaviors, and this adds a totally
Speaker:new layer of self confidence, self acceptance, self awareness, and self
Speaker:compassion, which really changes how you show up in your day to day business.
Speaker:Number two thing to check as to your own emotional intelligence is empathy.
Speaker:How easy do you find it to understand and share the feelings of others?
Speaker:How easy do you find it to step into your customer's shoes, especially when
Speaker:you think that they have wronged you?
Speaker:That's a really big one.
Speaker:If your customer or your competitor or your supplier has done something
Speaker:that you think has wronged you, how quickly do you just go to your end
Speaker:of the seesaw and dealing with that?
Speaker:Maybe you get angry, maybe you get frustrated, maybe you get
Speaker:sad, maybe you get depressed.
Speaker:How quickly do you go there as opposed to actually being able to step into their
Speaker:shoes as well and say, well, what would they be doing on their end of the seesaw?
Speaker:How much of your empathy is about you and how much of your empathy is about them?
Speaker:And how much are you mixing up empathy with sympathy sometimes?
Speaker:Or do you go the other way around and focus always on your customers and then
Speaker:totally neglect your own emotional needs?
Speaker:Always putting your customers emotions way above your own so you
Speaker:actually feel quite unhappy in your business because you can't quite work
Speaker:out how to get that balance right.
Speaker:And perhaps you feel a little bit afraid of your own emotions and you're
Speaker:not quite sure what to do with them so you just defer to putting your
Speaker:customers emotions above yours and your customers needs above yours.
Speaker:Remember the seesaw of emotions.
Speaker:How is yours balanced?
Speaker:Is it going up and down on both ends or is it going just up at one end?
Speaker:Now I just want to pause here and look at the mix up of sympathy and empathy
Speaker:because this one is really common.
Speaker:If you find yourself really feeling for a customer but then doing something you
Speaker:don't want to do and doing it because you almost feel like you don't have
Speaker:choice and you just kind of got to do it because they're in a bad situation
Speaker:and you think you're empathizing, you may not be, you probably aren't.
Speaker:You may actually be sympathizing and this can lead you to do what the customer
Speaker:wants even when it's completely not the right thing for you to do for your
Speaker:own wellbeing or for your business.
Speaker:Now, a great example of this is when someone asks for a refund.
Speaker:So let's say they've purchased your course, right?
Speaker:You're selling an online course, and your customer has completed it all, the
Speaker:14 day refund has long since passed, but then a few months later they reach out
Speaker:to you and ask for a refund, setting out the list of life problems that they have.
Speaker:And that list of life problems might be really big problems that they've got.
Speaker:This can send your emotions, your end of the seesaw, into real turmoil.
Speaker:A high emotional intelligence will help you navigate this situation in
Speaker:a way that you don't feel means that you're emotionally reacting, which
Speaker:often results in just doing what the customer wants through fear.
Speaker:But instead, you're really assessing the situation and choosing your
Speaker:response . Because often the emotional reaction, when you're not
Speaker:in control, flips over into sympathy.
Speaker:And all your decisions are made from this energy of sympathy, rather than using
Speaker:your emotional intelligence to work out, well, what's the good thing to do here?
Speaker:What's the right thing?
Speaker:Where's the balance of the seesaw?
Speaker:Now, let's say the same customer, let's imagine the same customer says they want
Speaker:their money back, because all of these life catastrophes they're having mean that
Speaker:they're really struggling financially.
Speaker:This is where sympathy could lead you to make a decision to refund, whereas empathy
Speaker:enables you to empathize with them but still maintain your business boundaries.
Speaker:Emotional intelligence will also tap into your communication skills and you
Speaker:will be able to communicate in a way that is kind and supportive but not at
Speaker:the mercy of your sympathetic response or your emotional response to this.
Speaker:Not just having sympathy, making you feel like you need to just do
Speaker:whatever the customer says, because you feel bad for them, right?
Speaker:Because we're all human, we do feel bad for customers who
Speaker:have misfortune in their lives.
Speaker:But it's a very separate thing to what's going on in your business
Speaker:and being able to manage your emotions and understand emotional
Speaker:intelligence is a game changer here.
Speaker:Another thing to be aware of with empathy is that it can actually be
Speaker:really sky high in entrepreneurs.
Speaker:So you might be thinking, I have a lot of empathy, right?
Speaker:For some, especially empaths, and also many neurodivergent entrepreneurs who
Speaker:have a lot of empathy, you can really feel those emotions almost too much.
Speaker:And this can negatively upset the apple cart when it comes to your business
Speaker:and your emotional intelligence.
Speaker:The seesaw can get a little, little bit more difficult to navigate.
Speaker:And what I mean by that is even when you know, you want to make a decision
Speaker:to go left, your emotions seem to make you go right because they're really
Speaker:strong, they're really powerful.
Speaker:It's like you're playing on the seesaw but you're really going fast, you're bouncing
Speaker:it up and down and you're trying to balance and you're really good at playing
Speaker:seesaw and you're going up and down and up and down and up and down at both
Speaker:ends but actually you're kind of losing control that way because the emotions
Speaker:and the empathy is is really really high.
Speaker:So getting a grip on your emotions and your emotional survival patterns is
Speaker:really critical for your business success.
Speaker:And as I mentioned a few moments ago, if you don't know what your emotional
Speaker:survival patterns are, go and find out.
Speaker:Go and look on my website at suzibelmont.
Speaker:com where you can take the quiz, find out, and find out a little bit more from those.
Speaker:ESPs, emotional survival patterns, are my model that help
Speaker:women entrepreneurs, business owners, visionaries, creatives,
Speaker:whatever it is that you might do, as long as you're human.
Speaker:It helps you understand your emotions.
Speaker:Female entrepreneurs are who I focus on, but actually any
Speaker:entrepreneur can take this quiz.
Speaker:I will also add the link to this in the show notes.
Speaker:Okay thing number three to do with your emotional intelligence.
Speaker:This third thing you want to check to start becoming aware of your own
Speaker:levels of emotional intelligence is how ready you are to both make mistakes and
Speaker:to let go when you do make mistakes.
Speaker:And now this is one where school, which I talk about a lot because it impacts
Speaker:a lot of people, school has a really powerful impact because so much of
Speaker:school is about not making mistakes.
Speaker:It's about coming top, being the best, not failing.
Speaker:Often with parents as well.
Speaker:For a lot of people, their parents really expected them to do well and
Speaker:not fail, and so so much of their childhood was about not making mistakes.
Speaker:Yet so much of entrepreneurship is the complete opposite.
Speaker:Do you find that you don't do the thing you want to do because
Speaker:you're scared of failing?
Speaker:Or do you find that you don't do something because you don't want to make a mistake,
Speaker:or you don't want to be criticized, or you don't want anyone to see you get it wrong?
Speaker:If this is happening to you, then it's likely your emotions are in total
Speaker:control of your decisions, and the true you, who should be making the
Speaker:decisions, is a complete bystander, and not truly leading you and your business.
Speaker:Your emotions are in charge.
Speaker:Think of it like this.
Speaker:Imagine you are an artist, perhaps as yet undiscovered, and you have
Speaker:a blank canvas in front of you.
Speaker:Now when you were younger, they didn't know that you were an artist,
Speaker:that this was your true gift, that this was what was inside of you.
Speaker:So you went to regular school, you didn't go to special artist
Speaker:school, you went to regular school.
Speaker:And there you were told in your regular school to colour inside the lines.
Speaker:To make everything perfect, to avoid any mistakes.
Speaker:And you were told that only certain colours went together, and that
Speaker:a certain style was the one that you should paint in every day.
Speaker:You should do colouring like this, this is how we do colouring,
Speaker:everyone does it the same.
Speaker:Every stroke needed to be precise, every colour was in the prescribed boundaries
Speaker:because that is how you need to do it.
Speaker:That's how everyone was taught to do it.
Speaker:But inside of you, this didn't feel right.
Speaker:You were painting, but it felt wrong.
Speaker:This is the same with your business and your emotional world.
Speaker:As an entrepreneur, you have an unlimited canvas.
Speaker:You may have been taught to paint one way and inside the lines and doing
Speaker:it in certain ways and colors and within the boundaries and within the
Speaker:outline so you don't go over the edge.
Speaker:But actually, as an entrepreneur, you can paint whatever the hell you like.
Speaker:Even better, you don't even have to choose what you want
Speaker:to paint if you don't want to.
Speaker:You can go and find customers, or potential customers, and ask them
Speaker:what they want you to paint before the painting, so that this guarantees
Speaker:that you will sell the painting.
Speaker:These rules are very different from the ones that you would have been
Speaker:taught in school and in your childhood.
Speaker:And when you get this, it's a real game changer, because most
Speaker:people buying a painting want something different and original.
Speaker:They don't want a painting where you paint inside the lines
Speaker:perfectly with no mistakes.
Speaker:They want something that's not been seen before, or that's a little bit different,
Speaker:or that's authentic and true to you.
Speaker:Whether you're inside the lines or not doesn't matter as long as it's authentic.
Speaker:And if you're too afraid to make a mistake, it's like hesitating
Speaker:to put any paint on the canvas.
Speaker:You're worried that one wrong brushstroke will ruin the entire
Speaker:picture, so you don't even start.
Speaker:You keep your ideas in your mind.
Speaker:You never let them flow onto the canvas because you fear the
Speaker:criticism and the imperfections.
Speaker:But here's the thing, masterpieces are rarely created
Speaker:without a few messy strokes.
Speaker:Think of all of the ancient painters, the older painters, not ancient,
Speaker:but the ones from centuries ago.
Speaker:If you actually take the painting off the top layer of the canvas, they've quite
Speaker:often got a whole mess of other stuff underneath where they did it wrong the
Speaker:first time and they've overpainted it.
Speaker:Wrong is the wrong word.
Speaker:They did it differently the first time, and then they've over painted it.
Speaker:True artistry comes from being bold, from experimenting, from making
Speaker:mistakes, from learning from your mistakes, and not letting your
Speaker:emotions stop you from doing that.
Speaker:If you find you're holding yourself back, it's likely that your
Speaker:emotions are dictating your actions.
Speaker:And they're keeping you from expressing your true vision.
Speaker:The true artist within you should be the one holding the brush, not holding
Speaker:on to the fear of making mistakes.
Speaker:And allowing emotions to flow but holding on to them so
Speaker:they can't move is a problem.
Speaker:If you have high emotional intelligence, then each stroke, whether perfect or not,
Speaker:contributes to the final masterpiece.
Speaker:You get to embrace the parts of you that are imperfect, that are messy, that make
Speaker:mistakes, and they're all part of you.
Speaker:You get to learn from every single brushstroke that you
Speaker:make, and you get to flow freely.
Speaker:By doing so, you allow your true self to lead, and your business canvas
Speaker:will transform into this really unique work of art that is truly
Speaker:valuable to you and your customers.
Speaker:And this, this example that I've just given, I'm hoping
Speaker:that's making sense to you.
Speaker:This is why understanding your emotions and building your emotional
Speaker:intelligence is so important.
Speaker:Understanding how to process those emotions so they don't stop you from
Speaker:doing the painting, that incredible painting, and being different and
Speaker:focused on showing the true you and all your messiness and going over
Speaker:the lines if you want to or staying in the lines if that's who you are.
Speaker:Those two things are about building your skills and those things are
Speaker:essential if you want to achieve true success, mastery and freedom.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I could go on here, as there are many other markers that would enable
Speaker:you to understand and better deal with your emotional intelligence,
Speaker:as well as helping you to understand and process your emotions better.
Speaker:But instead, as I've mentioned earlier, you can take my ESP quiz on the website
Speaker:to have a look at where your emotions might be sabotaging your success.
Speaker:That's over at www.suzibelmont.com or make sure you just hit follow on the podcast
Speaker:because I'm going to put other stuff out.
Speaker:You can also make sure you're on my mailing list as well.
Speaker:You can just go over to the bottom of my website in the black footer
Speaker:of space where you can sign up to the general mailing list there.
Speaker:For now, though, that is it for me this week.
Speaker:I hope you enjoyed this week's show and it gave you lots to think about.
Speaker:If nothing else, just keep in mind, the idea or the concept in your
Speaker:head of an emotional seesaw and just think about what yours is doing.
Speaker:Before I press stop on the recording though, don't forget to subscribe to
Speaker:the show, and you will automatically get notified when new ones come out, including
Speaker:any additional little ones that pop up that aren't in the normal schedule.
Speaker:And if you're minded to and you're enjoying everything, then please do
Speaker:leave me a five star rating and a little written review over on iTunes.
Speaker:And remember, as always, if you need to contact me, you can reach
Speaker:out at support@suzibelmont.com too.
Speaker:Have a great week, everyone, and see you next time!
