Shownotes
So much of what we're sold as wellness is really performance in soft clothing: the optimized routine, the tracked sleep, the morning ritual. And underneath it, many people are quietly exhausted from being so well.
Trauma recovery coach Anu Verma unpacks the mask of "I'm fine," why real wellness is often about putting things down rather than adding more, and the small, honest micro practices that actually sustain you.
About the Guest:
Anu Verma is a UK-based certified trauma recovery coach, holistic therapist, and author of Victim to Victor. She is the founder of Victim2Victor and host of its podcast, helping people heal and reclaim their power.
Key Takeaways:
- Mindset and body go hand in hand; wellness is holistic.
- The "I'm fine" mask blocks the very energy that keeps you well.
- Real wellness is often putting things down, not adding more.
- Micro practices, a few mindful minutes, beat elaborate routines you can't sustain.
- Healing isn't linear; slipping back signals there's still more to learn.
Connect With the Guest:
Website: https://victim.victor.net/
Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and LinkedIn: Anu Verma (Victim 2 Victor)
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Questioning Inherited Wellness — Shreya opens on a slower, more honest well-being [01:57] Mindset as Medicine — Anu on why a healthy mind and body go together
[03:22] Conditioned to Perform — Shame, family reputation, and burying the truth
[06:53] The Mask of "I'm Fine" — How high-functioning busyness hides exhaustion
[11:54] Wellness in a Real Week — Micro practices for present, ordinary days
[16:40] The Inner Posture — Honest coping over performing wellness
[19:28] When You Slip Back — Why healing isn't linear, and how to return (timestamps approx.)
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Transcripts
00:00:08 Shreya: welcome to Wellness Reimagined. I'm your host, Shreya, and this is the show where we question the assumptions we have inherited about what it means to be, well, not in a cynical way. In a curious way. We are not anti wellness. We are anti flattening anti product as answer anti shame as motivator. And we sit with the bigger slower more honest version of being well. And we ask better questions instead of accepting marketed ones. Tonight is one of those. And my guest tonight is Anu Verma. Anu thank you so much for being here. Like the kind of guest who is willing to question the language of wellness from inside. The experience of healing is the kind of guest this show has built for. So welcome, Anu.
00:00:57 Anu Verma: Oh, hello. Thank you so much for having me on. It's such an honor to be here today.
00:01:02 Shreya: Thank you so much for joining. And just a quick disclaimer for my listeners,
00:01:45 Shreya: And with that, before we begin, tell me what is one small thing in your life right now that is genuinely making you feel, well, not productive, but well.
00:01:57 Anu Verma: Wow. I guess it's my it's not small, but it is my mindset. You know, it's the way that I see my life and the way that I see the world. Because, you know, mindset is everything. You know, like if we have a healthy mind, then we have a healthy body. You know, I'm a firm believer of that, that our body and our mind go hand in hand. Like you just can't have an unhealthy body and expect to have a healthy mind. You know, I just feel like the whole body is holistic. And so for me, that's always been my purpose is to become healthy and to become happy and to see the world, um, more positively and more abundantly. And, uh, yeah, and I feel like that's transformed the way that I live my life as well.
00:02:50 Speaker 4: That's really beautiful.
00:02:51 Shreya: And thank you for sharing this with our audience. And I know because the right place to begin is our story. Like, take us into the part of your life where you started seeing through the version of wellness that most people are sold. Not from a place of, uh, cynicism, from a place of having lived it. What was the moment you realized the wellness story you had been handed was not actually delivering what it promised? And what did you not yet understand at that time?
00:03:22 Anu Verma: Yeah. Wow. So what a what a great question. And it's a question that I've never been asked before, but it just takes me back to just conditioning, you know, the way that I was brought up in the society that I was in. And obviously, you know, a culture has a lot to play as well. And what I believed throughout my life was that, you know, other, other people's opinions mattered of me, you know, mattered. And that I had to live my life to make sure that I kept other people happy and to make sure that that, you know, that I bought good reputation into the family as well. And so that meant that any problems that I had, you know, any tragedies that I'd been through trauma, childhood trauma, which I suffered from all of that I had, I had to brush under the carpet and disguise because otherwise if I started talking about it, then it would bring shame to the family. And then that would obviously, um, make my parents and, you know, my whole family network, um, embarrassed, you know, that they'd feel ashamed of that. And so I was brought up having to portray this whole, um, identity of somebody that I was not. And it's sad, you know, it's sad that society has taught us to be that way because it's not. It's the opposite of living authentically. And it's the opposite of, you know, living true to yourself. And that's been a huge awakening for me. Uh, you know, to be authentic, to be genuine, and to make sure that I own, you know, everything that's happened to me, I now own it because I know that it's only by accepting these issues and dealing with them, that's the only thing that that's going to make us happy. You know that there's nothing else. You know, we can't keep brushing issues under the carpet because it's only going to make us worse. Yeah.
00:05:34 Shreya: And and and the first piece of inherited wisdom you let yourself put down. What was it?
00:05:43 Anu Verma: Wow. That that what the wisdom that that I lived to this day. Yeah, yeah. Wow. The wisdom I, I'd say is that, you know, it's honoring who you are and to not be ashamed of anything that's happened in your life, uh, because a lot of people are, you know, they carry so much guilt, they carry self-blame, they carry shame as well for things that have happened in the past. And then that is that then forms their identity and it then creates this whole, um, different persona to who you really are. And so my whole work now, it's for people to understand their life journeys and to understand their behavioral patterns and where that stems from, and majority of it stems from trauma. Unfortunately, you know, trauma has such a huge part to play in each and every one of our lives. And that's always been my life's purpose is for people to understand how their trauma may have affected them and impacted where they are today.
00:06:53 Shreya: Yeah, I think there is something quietly important in what you say, because I think the wellness industry has done something interesting to all of us. It has convinced people that taking care of themselves means consuming the right things. And anyone who has actually worked the inner road knows it much closer to the opposite. Like the real work is often putting things down and not adding more things. And so, so much of what is sold to us as well is, is actually performance. Dressed in soft clothing, the morning routine, the optimized day, the data track sleep, and the inner cost of all that optimization is rarely named. So tell me about that inner layer. What is actually happening underneath the surface of someone who is exhausted from being so well? And what do most people not understand about that exhaustion?
00:07:48 Anu Verma: Well, I always talk about the mask of I'm fine, you know? So it's when high functioning people are so busy being busy that, you know, they're doing it because they want to be achieving, they like success to them and, you know, having achievements and seeing results. You know, it all feeds into their feeling of validation and feeling of acceptance. And again, this was me for many decades of my life. You know, I felt like if I kept working hard and being busy and achieving, then it would make me feel worthy. It would make me feel accepted. But it was all a mask because deep down inside I wasn't fine. I was so, um, down and I was full of anxiety and I was numb as well, emotionally numb. And so this is why, you know, um, embodiment work and nervous system regulation is really important because what's happening is that when we're masking how we're really feeling, then it's, it's blocking all your energy channels in your body where all the chakras are blocked. So energy can't flow properly. And so it creates burnout, it creates inflammation and stress. And that's only going to hinder you even more in life. So, you know, health is our wealth. And if we're not looking after ourselves, then it's going to turn into chronic illness in the future. Which is why the mask of I'm fine, you know, we all need to identify that and to really understand what it is that we're trying to mask in the first place.
00:09:34 Shreya: And the moment you let yourself stop optimizing, what shifted in you?
00:09:42 Anu Verma: Wow, that that was a hard journey for me because that's all I ever knew. All I ever knew was, you know, the next big project that I was going to start and finish and the next achievement that I was going to, um, go towards. And like, it's crazy because I was, I was achieving, I was getting projects completed and businesses started. But what? But as soon as it was completed, I was never satisfied. I'd always be down again. And then what I'd be looking for the next thing that I could then do. And it was just a, you know, a roller coaster really. And what I wasn't doing was actually understanding myself. You know, I wasn't actually accepting who I was. And so It took me a lot of different, um, you know, different adversities that I went through. Like I'd like a lot of my relationships failed, you know, as a result of this. And I was basically just suffering from complex PTSD anyway. And then I realized that I may have some undiagnosed ADHD. So I understand that there was a lot of internal factors which played, um, towards this. And I realized that I, you know, that I needed to, um, become emotionally regulated. Like I needed my nervous system to become relaxed and I needed to ground myself. And so these techniques like mindfulness and, um, safety stabilization, emotional regulation, these will really help me to feel safe in my body again and to not be in the fight, flight or freeze response. And, um, you know, it's only really been in the last few years that that I could say that I've finally become regulated and I've finally I'm not chasing anymore. You know, I'm basically living in alignment. And it feels so peaceful now. My life has just transformed into a state of peace. And I love it.
00:11:54 Shreya: Yeah, I think that part stays with you because the moment something like someone realizes they have been performing wellness instead of inhabiting it, the the entire shape of the practice changes. I think it becomes quieter, less impressive, and more honest. Yeah. And, uh, let us bring this into everyday life because the listener tuning in this not in a retreat, uh, they are probably in real week, uh, managing kids work, family, the inbox, the, the noise of being a person, uh, in this culture. Uh, what does reimagined wellness actually look like inside that? Kind of like, not the version with, uh, two or three hours and a gratitude journal, the version with twelve three minutes and the tired body. What does it look like in practice to me?
00:12:47 Anu Verma: I believe in micro practices. So what that is, is just a few minutes throughout the day to just focus on being present, you know? Yeah, you're right. You don't have to sit there for hours to write, like write in your journal or to do one hour meditation practices. No, because that's not going to be practical in, you know, in the grand scheme of things, because we're living in a world now where we're just so easily distracted, there's just so much that steals our attention. And so, you know, we have to adapt to that. We have to understand that life is changing. And, you know, we're changing. And so for me, it's about just waking up in the morning before I. I look at my phone. It's just, you know, setting my intention for the day, just really practicing a bit of gratitude right there in bed, just thanking the universe or God or the higher self, whatever you believe in, whatever your faith is just thanking for another life on the planet. Like, thank you for my heart, which beats like without me even having to do anything and just thanking for the roof over my head, thanking for, you know, the water that I'm about to drink. And then that's it. It takes a few seconds to just set your intention, because when we do that, then you know, already our mind is going to be in that state of gratitude and positivity and understanding that, um, you know, that we can live our life being fulfilled. You know, we don't have to be anxious about the day ahead. And so just a few seconds every morning. Doing that. And then even when I'm having my breakfast, I'll stick on like, um, on Spotify, just a track, um, of affirmations as well. Just, you know, a few minutes, you know, just sticking on some affirmations to again, feed my mind with positive reinforcement. Uh, because our nervous system, like, you know, when it listens to positive reinforcement words, then you start to embody that, which is why it's so important how we talk to ourselves. You know, if we're looking at ourselves in the mirror and you're identifying stuff that that you don't like about yourself, then the nervous system isn't going to understand anything else. And so you're going to keep embodying that. You're going to embody that negativity, which is why, I mean, you know, there's obviously toxic positivity. We're not saying to practice that, but it's about just appreciating the goodness of ourselves and then slowly and surely, your mind starts to become that way. You know, your whole nervous system starts to act that way as well. And so affirmations are such a key part of my day as well. Again, a few minutes every day. And then, you know, if you're feeling overwhelmed by the afternoon, then stick on like a few minutes of meditation. You know, if you're, if you're at your desk, then just stick your earbuds in and just listen to like a quick meditation track on YouTube just to really help to, again, you know, reset yourself to, um, bring peace into your life. And then it really sets you up for the day. So yeah, micro practices is where it's at and even exercise, you know, obviously, um, moving our bodies really important as well. And, uh, you know, I'm always into being active, you know, going for walks when I can. And even when you're walking, you can do mindful walking, you know, stick on like, um, like some relaxing music or some energetic music or whatever, and just go for a walk and just see how beautiful that walk can actually become.
00:16:40 Shreya: I love that you brought it back to something really humble and easy, because the truth is, the people who sustain a wellness practice for decades are not the ones with elaborate systems. They were the one with one or two white anchors. They refused to abandon. And if someone listening tonight is at the very beginning of reimagining what wellness means for them, after years of doing what they was told, uh, they were told, uh, what is the inner orientation you would offer them? Like not the system, not the protocol, the way of holding themselves, uh, through the unlearning, the internal posture that in your experience makes this kind of shift actually stick.
00:17:30 Anu Verma: I'd say, um, you know, definitely reflect on what it is that you need to, um, keep you in a, um, sane way of living, you know, so like, you know, we have triggers every day, we have challenges thrown at us every day. And so it's important to identify how we cope with these triggers and these challenges. So a lot of people tend to avoid, you know, they'll suppress or they'll push things under the carpet. But real coping skills happen when we can actually tackle situations head on and, um, you know, understand them, accept them, forgive them and know how to handle them properly. And, you know, when it comes to relationships that a lot of that will be communication skills, you know, so working on your communication skills and having the confidence to speak out if, um, somebody may not be respecting you or keeping to your boundaries. Um, you know, it's in a work setting then, um, obviously identifying what issues there may be with colleagues or the work that you're doing and to speak with your manager or to speak with your colleagues about that. So it's just different ways of coping with situations because we're all going to have them, you know, we're always going to have problems thrown at us. And, um, obviously there's a lot of negative coping strategies that people use, such as drinking, smoking, drugs, um, you know, even like addictive, like shopping or gambling. And so what we want to do is try and find healthy coping strategies. And to me, that's what wellness is, you know, it's about, um, applying, um, healthy ways of coping, you know, in, in our day to day living through all the different situations that may arise.
00:19:28 Shreya: Yeah, I think there is something quietly powerful in that orientation. Like it is not about doing wellness, right. It is about being honest enough with yourself to feel what is actually nourishing you versus what have been told should be nourishing you. And last piece I want to sit with in the setback are because every person who has done this kind of unlearning knows the pull of the old framework is strong. The stress hits the deadline lands and the urge to return to the optimized, restrictive, performance based version of wellness gets loud again. So tell me about the return. Like not the plane, the mindset. Uh, how, how does someone come back to their reimagined version of wellness after they, uh, have slipped back into the old body?
00:20:21 Anu Verma: Yeah. Well, you know, it's, it's easily done. And I always say this about healing that it's never linear, you know? It's always rocky and you're always going to go back and forth. And I do believe that the reason why we fall back into our old patterns is because there's still areas that we still have to learn about those patterns. And so, you know, self-awareness is key. It's understanding yourself so much that you understand what triggered you to fall back into your previous way of, you know, living. And so understanding that trying to identify what was a trigger and what was it trying to teach you. So it's a lot of self-reflection work. And CBT is a cognitive behavioral therapy. Um, it's a fantastic technique for this because it really helps you to understand your patterns, your triggers and reframing and different ways of coping as well. And so for anybody who's looking for therapy, um, that, that's like number one, in the UK right now for like therapy and for um you know, living um better. So um, that'll be a good way. And also um, just making sure that you find your own tools that, um, that you feel comfortable with as well and, you know, finding your own practice. I mean, there's, there's so much now available. Um, especially when you go online, there's, you know, breathwork is such a huge practice. Um, you know, just by really identifying your breath and to really, um, breathe more effectively. And then there's, um, different like embodiment techniques as well that you can do and mindfulness techniques and, um, you know, like even practices like yoga and Pilates, you know, there's so much out there, but it's just about finding, you know, what it is that makes you tick. What, what what do you get excited about? And again, journaling. Journaling so easy. All you need is a pen and paper and just, just to sit there and write down like, you know, your thoughts and triggers and, um, and it's amazing what comes out on paper because we get so stuck in our, in our minds, you know, it's the amygdala part of the, of the brain that it just, um, it makes everything so confusing. Whereas when you start to write, it's the prefrontal cortex part of the brain that then actions and it helps you to then find logic and reasoning in situations. And it's such a powerful form of therapy.
00:23:06 Shreya: Writing is yes, true. And thank you for sharing this with our audience. And thank you for joining and sharing so much information. I think this conversation is so much needed right now for my audience and I think for everyone. And if after this beautiful conversation, My listeners want to connect with you and want to find you. Find your work. Then what's the best place to find you?
00:23:32 Anu Verma: Amazing. Yeah. Please do hop on to any of my social channels on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn. You can find me under victim to Victor with a number two and my name, which is Anu Verma. Or you can check out my website as well to learn more about me, which is victim to victor dot net.
00:23:53 Shreya: Yes. And I will definitely make sure to attach all these details and links below in the show notes so that the listeners can find them easily and get in touch with you. And thank you again, Anu. This is exactly the kind of conversation where imagined was built for the curious, honest, and unwilling to flatten what it means to take care of human beings. And to all my listeners, especially the ones who are tired of performing wellness instead of feeling it, I want to leave you with this. You are allowed to put down the framework that has been quietly hurting. We are allowed to start asking what actually nourishes you instead of what you have been told should. The reimagined version of well-being is not louder, it is quieter, slower, and finally yours. And we will see you on the next one. Till then, do not forget to hit the follow button. Subscribe and feel free to share your thoughts. Because your ears deserve premium content. Thank you.
