Lacey welcomes Heather Vickery to the podcast for an enlightening conversation that dives deep into the realms of human design, personal transformation, and the journey toward embracing authenticity. Heather, a transformational success coach, shares her unique approach to helping individuals lead from a place of joy and empowerment. The discussion highlights the significance of human design as a tool for self-discovery, showcasing how understanding one’s design can lead to greater self-acceptance and a more fulfilling life. Through the lens of their own experiences, both Lacey and Heather explore the challenges of societal expectations and the power of radical responsibility in shaping one’s reality.

Throughout their dialogue, Heather recounts her personal journey of dismantling her previous life to build a more authentic existence. She emphasizes the importance of being present in the moment, suggesting that true growth occurs in the messy, unpredictable spaces of life. Listeners are encouraged to explore their own definitions of joy and success, challenging the conventional narratives that often dictate our paths. Heather’s insights on the necessity of rest for projectors and the broader implications of self-awareness resonate deeply, inspiring listeners to reflect on their own journeys and the choices they make.

The episode culminates in a thought-provoking discussion about motherhood, sacrifice, and the importance of modeling self-love for future generations. Heather’s perspective on parenting, where she balances her dreams and responsibilities, offers a refreshing take on what it means to be a supportive parent while maintaining one’s individuality. This conversation not only provides practical advice for navigating life’s complexities but also serves as a reminder that embracing our true selves is a powerful act of bravery. Whether you’re familiar with human design or new to the concept, this episode will leave you with valuable insights to apply to your life and relationships.

Takeaways:

• Embracing the messy parts of life is essential for personal growth and authenticity.
• Human design helps us understand our unique energies and how to navigate life.
• Radical responsibility means recognizing that we can only change ourselves, not others.
• To achieve true joy in life, we must learn to lead from our authentic selves.
• Choosing to be present in the middle of life’s chaos opens up possibilities for growth.
• Self-awareness and regular reassessment are crucial for creating meaningful change in our lives.

More of Heather

• vickeryandco.com
• Instagram

Mentioned in this episode:

Buoy Hydration

Welcome to Sharing the Middle, where we.

Share the messy middles of our lives.

I'm Lacey, your friend in the middle and guide whose claim to fame this week is getting up Christmas decorations little by little by little.

And when I say little, I mean it.

But it's happening and that's why we're celebrating it.

Today's episode, I'm talking to Heather Vickery.

Heather and I have a really great conversation.

The that, as usual, I loved, but.

I hope you do too.

I just want a little fair warning in the beginning.

We talk a lot about human design in this episode.

If you're interested in human design, I recommend checking out Heather's website and potentially doing a reading with her.

I left it in while I was editing just because it brought me so much joy.

Because you hear us talking to the.

More nitty gritty things of human design that makes it feel more applicable to you.

Here's my conversation with Heather.

Let's jump right in.

Welcome to Sharing the Middle, Heather.

Thank you for having me, Lacey.

I'm thrilled to be here.

I am so excited for you to be here because it's taken us a little while to get here, but I'm so thankful to be here with you.

Absolutely.

All timing is divine.

Everything happens exactly the way it's supposed to happen, which is hard to remember when you're in the middle.

I starting to believe it more and more for sure.

Why don't you take a moment and introduce yourself to our listeners?

Hi, everybody.

My name is Heather Vickery.

I am a transformational success coach, NLP practitioner, hypnotherapist, Human design guide, Messy human.

What I do is help conscious leaders learn to lead from embodied joy, where that is the set point and conscious leader can be defined however you want.

If you're out in the world leading in some capacity and you're thoughtful and intentional and authentic about it, that makes you a conscious leader.

And we don't have to have, we don't have to earn joy.

We don't have to check off all the hustle boxes to be happy and experience pleasure, hope and possibility.

My goal is to help everybody break all those rules and redefine life on their own terms.

With joy as your set point, you're.

Preaching to the joy choir here.

I love it.

I also love when I get another human design person because I'm like, I'm a manifestor.

I have a projector.

We started that in our pre chatter.

I was like, am I tired or am I just a projector?

I have a weekly live show with another projector friend, Natalie.

It's called projectors in the wild.

Which is hilarious because we're like it's messy out here in these projector streets.

Now I lost my train of thought.

What was I going to say about it?

It was relevant to exactly what you had just said.

That's.

I totally understand.

My partner Sarah, who I do know shame in the home game with and.

She'S the co founder of the Joyful.

Support movement with me is a projector.

So projectors are very near and dear to my heart because you all have this magical ability to create space for people to feel seen and I just love it so much.

Thank you.

Yeah, she actually is looking for more projector people so I'm going to recommend that to her.

Connect us.

I remembered what it was.

Natalie has a defined root.

We were talking about non sacral beans.

Natalie has a defined root and I'm a.

I'm what they call a pure projector.

Whatever that means.

It feels very Harry Potter ish to me.

Even though we don't talk about Harry Potter anymore.

I have root envy.

I don't have sacral envy.

I'm okay with that.

But I have root envy and sometimes I have ego envy.

There's no motors, no pressure points, nothing.

I am just winging it all the time.

See, I have a completely open spleen and so I think I saw that you are a splenic projector.

I am spleen.

So the fact that you can have a gut feeling and trust it and know it, I'm very jealous of that.

So are you emotional?

I am emotional and I am also.

I do have a defined ego and for a long time I didn't realize how much my defined ego was my motor center of life.

I had white knuckled life using that ego center of.

I will get this done and I can do this and I will get this done.

I'm not saying it's why I got sick, but I do think it really gave a lot to.

Well, it could be right because that the ego center has to cycle.

Yeah.

So there must be rest.

Projectors have to rest before we're successful manifestors.

Do the thing and then rest.

That's just the way we're designed.

And then with your open spleen you.

You're not self is holding onto things that are unhealthy and pushing through.

That's when I saw something about having an open spleen usually lead to health problems.

I'm like you don't say I hope.

Your listeners know what the hell we're talking about.

Do you guys know about.

And if they don't.

I've talked about human design before.

I like to talk about it because then people are like, what about.

And I was like, let's look.

Yeah, I would love to do a reading for anybody who's interested.

It's something that brings me so much joy, is helping people recognize themselves and reconnect with themselves and stop apologizing for themselves.

Absolutely.

I usually like to start off the conversation by what does the middle mean to you?

What is your relationship to the middle?

People tend to have a pretty visceral reaction.

It was such an interesting question.

What comes up instantly is actually where I want to be.

A lot of folks say the messy middle.

I think the middle is present and otherwise you're on the outskirts.

And I've spent so much of my life.

And it's funny because it was inside, but I used to describe it.

I wrote a blog post years ago called the Inside of the Snow Globe, where I felt like I was inside.

It looked really pretty, but I couldn't get out there.

Yeah, I was stuck in here.

And that felt like it was on the periphery to me.

My life looked perfect to everybody.

Then I blew up my whole life.

I came out of the closet.

I got a divorce after 10 years.

I closed a thriving wedding planning business, opened my coaching firm, and this was about 11 years ago.

It's all been very messy since then.

But I'm in my life.

I am right in the middle of it.

I had Be Here now tattooed on my inner left wrist.

Stay here.

And sometimes here is awesome and it feels fantastic and it's all sunny and joyful and sometimes it's really hard and dark and scary.

Stay here because it's going to change, like, almost.

You think about the sun patterns.

Do you ever watch home makeover shows where they'll, like, VR and show you what the room will look like in the future?

And they're like, here's what happens with the sun patterns.

Life is like that to me.

The middle is where it all happens.

As soon as you said snow globe, my brain got it.

Because if you imagine being a snow globe, it's terrifying in there.

You're getting shaken, there's stuff coming down.

You don't know when it's happening.

And so I think that's such a great metaphor for how life can feel when you're looking at it from different perspectives.

Because, yeah, I.

A lot of my life really strived for that level of perfection.

And then I realized, oh, that's Fake.

It's not real.

Not that that's not possible.

Everybody's version of that is different.

I really love that quote unquote ideal being perspective shifting.

Yeah.

I just watched the Perfect Couple on Netflix and so I'm like, oh, there is snow globe.

Perspective shifting is really where it's at.

Right.

So much of my work in helping people lead from embodied joy starts with taking radical responsibility for yourself.

Your thoughts, your choices, your actions, your behaviors, your patterns.

Right.

It can't just be mind work.

That's why I'm NLP certified.

That's why we do subconscious reprogramming.

But you have to consciously decide.

I want to see this from a different perspective because this isn't working for me anymore.

And that's where we start with radical responsibility.

We can't change anyone but ourselves.

We can't control anyone but ourselves.

So who do you wanna be in this moment?

What do you want to be true in this moment?

You're the only one with that magic wand.

Yeah.

Can you define NLP for me?

Because I've heard it, but my brain cannot connect it to something.

Yeah, for sure.

Programming, it's neuroscience based.

It's where hypnotherapy comes from.

We do EFT tapping as part of NLP time techniques.

It's subconscious reprogramming.

It's taking what you consciously recognize and then shifting patterns neurologically on a subconscious level.

It's actually the coolest thing I have ever done.

We can change the emotions attached to past experiences.

We can set goals on your future timeline.

Earlier today I was with a client and we did what's called parts integration.

So one part of her is a doer get it all done.

But that part of her is sabotaging the leader part that needs to delegate more.

So we did parts integration to bring those two parts together to support one another.

Just wildly cool.

I always tell people you should brag.

Right.

That's the point.

Like humble is whatever.

That doesn't mean that the feeling to apologize for my brag.

I had it.

I was like, can I brag?

So I want you all to know, I see you.

It's hard all the time.

It never gets easier.

And you can still do it.

Because of my human design certification and my coaching skills, I really partner with folks to get to know themselves really well from that human design lens.

Then we can see all of the societal patterning that has been put on you.

That's where subconscious reprogramming comes in really beautifully.

Because we can unwire all of that with this New awareness.

I have a six session mind shift mastery program that I do.

The alchemy incubator is.

Is my big.

Intimate.

Is big.

But it's intimate 10 people.

So we really do that in an effort to help you lead from joy.

Bringing those things together is really cool and a unique perspective.

And my listeners have heard me talk about human design.

But just a friendly reminder that it really is like a handbook for how you were made to interact with the world.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do things a certain way or whatnot.

But as a.

So I'm a manifesto.

Which means that I'm meant to have bursts of creativity and energy and then I'm meant to rest.

And my whole life I felt like such a slacker or that I'm fickle and flaky.

And I used what I've called my defined ego center to white knuckle to not have those tendencies.

And now that I've started to embrace them more life feels so much better.

Yeah.

Human design has taught me to be so much more curious about people instead of they're doing it wrong or if you would just do it the way I'm telling you it would work.

It's just not true.

And so my job is to help people figure out what is for you.

And even we talk about being projectors, but we all operate differently.

Projectors don't have a burst of energy and then they rest.

We're just too.

We don't.

We're guide and lead.

But we rest is our key component.

100%.

We are not hustle beings.

We cannot hustle.

Which is bizarre in a world not designed to accommodate us.

So there's a lot of unwiring that has to happen.

Even within a certain type.

There are different ways we operate.

And it's important for you to define for yourself what is for you.

You don't have to follow the rules that anybody else is giving you.

Most of us like just give me a script.

Just give me a checklist and I'll do the thing and it'll be fine.

And it doesn't work.

And you're like why doesn't it work?

And it's because it's not for you.

I wish it were that easy.

Yeah.

Uh.

The other gift it has given me is permission in my life.

One of the things I'm working on right now.

Cause I've really gotten more into my chart and understanding what specific gates look like and that kind of thing.

The message from my chart is that I'm supposed to use My voice and my experience to share with people.

And that is what's gonna bring me.

Abundance, that defined throat.

And when I tell you, even saying that out loud right now, like you mentioned early about that feeling of I shouldn't brag, it's like, how am I that special?

You know what I mean?

Like, that belief of, am I just being delusional?

And I'll be saying, wouldn't everybody love to have that?

Which I know not everybody wouldn't.

Not everybody would.

That subconscious and working on actually accepting that is taking me a little while.

And then the more I talk about it, the more that I start to believe it.

So this is me talking.

What are your profile lines?

I'm a 3.

5.

So I heard the 3.

That makes sense because I'm a 1.

3.

That take a little while, learn out loud.

That's such a three.

I.

I felt like I should be a three.

Five.

I was really mad.

I have as many fives as I have ones and threes in my chart.

But they're just not my gates.

Right.

Actually, I have considerable more sixes in my chart.

I just noticed.

Wasn't that interesting?

One of the things I recently discovered.

So that energy is strong and it's.

Going to happen and I'm going to make enough money to pay off my health.

My goal in life is to make it so that my chronic illness isn't a problem.

Because if you have enough money, it's not.

So I don't know why this is the direction my brain is going right now, but for years I have.

I've always used credit cards and I pay them off and I use them to get the points, and the points allow me to take the kids on trips and do this and that.

What has been showing up for me the last five or six months is an abundance of cash.

That sounds wild, but I want to be beyond needing the points.

Maybe I can still earn them and then donate them.

It never occurred to me that mentality and that mindset was actually a money block, which is wild.

I was like, oh, I did that.

That was through a hypno breath work we have in my alchemy incubator.

Hypno breathwork is monthly, is part of the program.

Have you ever done hypno breath work?

I.

I've done some hypnosis things where they walk you through it, but I've never done.

Yeah, hypnosis is cool when you add the breathwork piece.

Breathwork for me is a very emotional experience.

It's not easy for me to commit to Because I always know that something's going to crack open.

But it was through a hypno breathwork session, and I was like, oh, that's this thing that I thought was so good is something that's holding me back.

And it's wild when those paradigms shift.

Yeah.

We talk to you for so long, you might even ask the main question.

That's when I'm like, oh, this is a good episode.

I ask people to share a messy middle of their life, and then we dissect it together.

Tell us about your messy middle.

I just think I'm constantly in the messy now.

I jumped in.

I chose it.

I got out of the path of least resistance, following what I thought I was supposed to do.

Married to a nice guy, living in a big fancy house, having four perfect, healthy children and a successful business, and I was supposed to be happy, and I wasn't.

And what did that mean?

I realized I was married to the wrong gender.

But it was also more than just being gay and married to a straight man.

It was about being me out in the world.

So I burned it all down.

And I'm constantly in the process of rebuilding.

What I've learned is it requires constant reassessment, reframing, and resilience to make sure you're showing up as yourself, as you desire to authentically.

Authenticity has become a buzzword, but it's an important word, and it shifts.

That's the part that we miss when we don't stay in the middle.

Right.

When we don't stay aware and present of what we're choosing, who we want to be, and how those choices are impacting the experiences we're having.

So it feels messy all the time.

From a spiritual.

I'm not religious, but I'm super spiritual standpoint is where surrender comes from.

Let me surrender into this messy middle and trust that what is for me is going to always find me.

Especially as a projector.

I have to remember not to hide, because I can hide really easily in that space.

I love to read.

I read 125 books a year, so I could literally just hide from the world and read all the time.

And if somebody would finance that, I'm sold.

Let's go.

I would do it in Paris.

I probably wouldn't.

I'd still be doing my work.

I just wouldn't need the financial income.

I love my work so much, but it's about being present.

For me, the messy middle is about being present, being aware and being intentional, but also letting go of needing to be in control.

Of everything.

Okay.

So many things I want to ask about.

One thing I just want to highlight, because I'm going to write it down on a piece of paper after this, is that you choose to be in the messy middle.

And I think that is beautiful.

And two, I think me doing this podcast and talking about this, I started this, and I'm like, I hate the middle.

I don't want to be in the middle.

But I'm here, and I'm trying to tackle it by choosing to be here.

And as you were talking, I'm like, that's what I'm doing.

I'm choosing to be in the middle.

Thank you for that, because I'm going to be thinking about that.

You use the term burned your life down.

Freakly dick.

I know.

But that has such a negative connotation that for me, it sounds to me like you dismantled and rebuilt a life.

Yes.

And it was a pretty fierce fire.

And I'm a big fan of the Phoenix.

Okay.

Like, from the ashes we regrow.

I co created this deck of Create Brave Manifestation cards with my friend.

It's probably my favorite product.

I've got books behind me that I've published and all sorts of things.

This is probably my favorite thing I've ever done and probably my two favorite cards.

That's hard to say.

We have 48 cards, and they're all amazing.

But unravel and crumble, Right?

Allowing the foundation that is not sturdy to go ahead and crumble and rebuild it and then unravel is you think about knitting, Right.

Sometimes we have to unravel, take some bits and pieces apart and rebuild.

That is a much better perspective.

Because when you were talking, my initial thought is, you're so brave.

To take that step and say, this life is not working for me.

I find that to be very brave.

I joke that if it wasn't for my chronic illness, I would have never shifted perspectives and done this for me.

I didn't have a choice.

But I'm so thankful for it because I wouldn't have been brave enough to do it myself.

So when I hear someone like you, that's, oh, no, I chose to do this.

You're amazing.

You're so awesome.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

Nothing is all good or all bad.

I do believe that life is happening for us, not to us.

You're a perfect example of that.

Look at all this goodness that came from something that you wouldn't have picked and probably still wouldn't pick.

I think it's challenging.

It does feel brave.

Thank you for saying that.

I love it when people use that word, because I have the brave method, and brave is my whole thing.

Because bravery for me isn't about fearlessness.

It's about embracing your fear, learning from it, befriending it, and taking action anyway.

That's brave, in my opinion.

But that doesn't mean it's easy all the time.

And it doesn't mean there aren't times where I'm not leaning all the way into bravery.

I can talk a big game about all of these things that I've done, and I have done them, but there have been consequences.

I've had to figure out how to navigate those.

With each new obstacle, I lean more and more into surrender, not pushing against it.

We know that what we resist persists.

If I'm pushing against that flow, I'm never going to win.

I have to just slow down, stay here, right in the middle, see what's for me.

Give me a second and let me process this.

The answers will show up.

But when we need to control everything all the time, that's when we most feel out of control, in my experience.

Yes.

And as a person who has always strived for control, I will say that I like certainty.

Certainty.

And so that has been a big part of my growth lately of trying to let go of certainty.

And if there's anything that wants to make you feel not certain, it's getting pregnant on an iud.

I'm not certain the universe was like.

I got your answers.

But it's fascinating how.

And we talked about how human design, we're also very different.

And I was calling channeling my inner TED Lasso, being curious and not judgmental because I have a ton of clients who are like you, who really like certainty.

They want to know for sure.

And that can be my not self as a 1 3.

So the one is the investigator, right?

Like, I want to know.

And the three is the learner.

My not self could be like, oh, I can't do it yet because I don't know enough.

But for whatever reason, uncertainty has never bothered me.

Like, my podcast is called Was it Chance?

And it's about taking intentional risk.

I'm really good with that.

Not sure how that's going to show out, but fine, let's go.

One other thing that I want to know is, was there a specific event or something that said I need to make this change.

I want to know about that.

And then the other thing that I want to ask as a mother, a lot of people could have called you selfish.

I want to know about your internal battle with that.

Years and years of feeling like I was getting smaller and smaller and smaller, and I didn't know what to do about it.

There was a moment I was having breakfast with my girls.

We were all sitting at the table, and the sun was streaming in.

I'm looking at all four of their little heads, and I thought, what would I tell them to do if they came to me in any sort of similar situation?

What's the advice I would give them?

And the answer was, baby girl, go out and live your life the way that you want to.

The world is waiting for you to show up.

Almost instantly, that thought came in, and then immediately following was, oh, shit, I have to do that.

If that's what I want them to do, I have to do that.

That was terrifying, but also, it was like a light switch.

It was like freedom.

Okay, now I know the plan.

How do I do this?

Let me figure this out.

I started unraveling, and I let some things crumble and burn down.

Who do I want to be in this moment?

That leads directly into your second question.

It's funny because I don't know when this is going to air, but I do a weekly live show called Live with Heather every Thursday, and that's this week's topic.

What's interesting that you asked, it's not.

Been here for a few months.

Tessa, you guys can go back and watch this live show.

It's going to air on September 26th.

You'll find it on my YouTube channel.

It's called More Than Enough.

I address the fact that there's plenty of pressure and guilt around not being the traditional moment everyone expected.

I am not home all the time.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm dropping what I need to do to bring forgotten lunches and sweatshirts.

Sometimes I'm making doctor's appointments from a Parisian cafe.

I'm figuring out rides and how everybody's going to get where they're going while I'm traveling abroad.

I'm incredibly there for my kids, but I'm also incredibly there for myself.

I chase my dreams.

I travel all the time.

I go, I speak all over the world.

I am not sacrificing myself for my kids.

And I think that makes me a really strong parent.

I won't say better, because there are lots of ways to parent, and you all are going to do what you think is the right thing for you.

But I don't believe sacrificing ourselves for our children makes them healthier or happier.

It certainly doesn't make US healthier or happier.

It also sets the expectation for them that they're supposed to sacrifice themselves for others.

Whether you are somebody who loves to get up and go and travel and do things or you're content staying at home, making sure that you center yourself and prioritize yourself is one of the healthiest things you can do for your children.

They need to see you love yourself and pick yourself at least some of the time.

I needed to hear that today.

There you go, what you were describing.

So like I said, I'm working on these things and I'm working on my manifestation.

And then one of the things I'm supposed to be is a specific manifest.

So like, when I think about what I want my life to look like, I can think about details and that will actually help me get there.

For some people, you can't be too attached to the outcome.

Yeah, I'm a non specific manifestor.

So what that means for anybody listening.

If you're looking at your human design chart, there are four arrows at the top, the bottom right side arrow.

If it faces left, you're a specific manifesto.

And if it faces right, you're a non specific manifesto.

So yesterday I just challenged myself.

I'm like, write what you want your life to look like.

One of the things that I wrote was that I am a hub for my children.

I am not a foundation because they can't.

You're going to crumble as a foundation.

You're not going to always be there.

Right.

Whether alive or just in the same house or the same city or whatever.

I love to say this, like with hub with spokes.

I joked about this earlier, but my chronic illness makes it very hard for me to do household tasks.

It makes it hard for me to keep up with a lot of these things.

It does not change my ability to mother as far as our relationship goes.

I'm so confident in my relationship with my children and that they know that I love them and that I am the best mom for them because I'm their mom.

But I also have those moments where I'm like, I can't take you to the park.

I tried one day and it didn't.

Go too well, did it?

I can't have a spotless house, even though I have a partner who's the bomb and he is doing everything he can to keep up with all that stuff too.

It's just above where we're at.

That might.

What I was sitting there thinking about is I'm like, I want to be this hub that creates spokes for Our life to be a wheel and move.

That's beautiful.

That's what I want.

I want to be able to coordinate those things.

When you were talking about, I can call and make doctor's appointments from places.

I'm like, yes, that is what I want.

I want to be the person that they can come to, that can help them solve problems, but not be the person who does all the things that solve their.

Yeah, yeah.

And sometimes they don't love that.

Right.

Because it can be complicated and because their other parent is home all the time and never goes anywhere, never does anything, and is always available.

I can only hope, and this is what I have to talk about tomorrow on my live show, that as adults, they see the gift in that we can't always know what's for us in the moment.

We sometimes have to just find that through reflection.

And the best I can do is the best I can do.

I don't want them to give up themselves, and I'm not willing to give up myself.

And I think that's awesome.

I actually was very afraid of motherhood because I joke that my mother is a paragon of motherhood.

She is a saint.

She is amazing.

If someone wants to have a saint of mothers, that is my mom, as far as I'm concerned.

Wow.

But then it took me a long time to realize I don't want to be a saint.

Saint sacrifice way too much.

I'm not interested in being a saint.

And it took my husband before we got married and had kids.

I expressed my concern about having kids because I was afraid of losing myself.

And he was like, I don't want you to lose yourself.

I like you.

I'm marrying you.

And so we will do what we can to make sure that you don't lose yourself.

That's part of the reason why it's.

It's been so.

I don't want to say easy, but that it's been a priority for me.

I can see this other version of motherhood and love it and appreciate it, but also know it's not right for me and go a different path.

My oldest daughter is adamant that she does not want to have children.

And she says I am way too selfish for that.

Yeah, that may be true.

At least they recognize there are sacrifices.

And even for you, you're not losing yourself or you're making every effort to not lose yourself.

And yet there are still sacrifices.

That is just.

We cannot avoid that.

I hope that she chooses to change her mind because I love what you're saying and that there are ways to do it, but also not my decision to make.

Her decision to make.

I honor whatever is best for her and I will fight my entire life to make sure she has all of the rights that she needs to make the decisions that are best for her.

My niece was on the podcast a few weeks ago because I, I wanted to know about what it's like to be my niece.

She talked about how she doesn't want to have kids because she wants to be that important other figure in kids lives.

She's I want to be the best aunt.

I want to be the person to show up for the people in my life when they need it.

So just because I don't want to be the actual birth giver does not mean that I don't want to provide for the people around be a caregiver.

And I like yes, we need all.

I have a gift.

Some amazing aunts too.

Yeah, absolutely.

Those are so important.

And so I think, and I think it was Tracee Ellis Ross said it the other night on Kamala Harris's like Oprah special.

She talked about how I may not be a mother but I'm an aunt, a caregiver.

All these things and none of those define me as a woman in a different way.

I just appreciate that my, my 18 year old niece, your 20 year old daughter can see those things and choose that for themselves.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

And that's what it's all about, right?

That's why we do this.

That's why I do what I do.

It's what you do so that everybody can find out what's for them and make choices.

That's how we elevate as a society.

By showing up for ourselves and showing up for one another to help us show up for ourselves.

I love that.

That is a great piece of advice.

But I am going to ask you, do you have another piece of advice?

I love.

I love a tangible nugget.

I love a thing, a takeaway.

Do you have a piece of advice that maybe you would've told yourself?

Maybe one that you live by that kind of stuff to share with our listeners.

Remember that knowledge is power, especially self awareness and self knowledge.

If you want to change any element of your life, the first place to start is with you.

It's scary because we don't always want to look inside.

We're not always sure we're going to like what we find.

You might surprise yourself and like more than you think or maybe not.

But it will give you the knowledge to take the next step and create the change you want.

So regular reassessment.

My BRAVE method, which is in my book, Fuck Fearless Brave is an acronym, but the R stands for the three Rs, reassessment, reframing and resilience.

And every single day there should be some component of looking at what happened, looking at the way you feel about how you spent your time, the choices you made, the people you're with, the things that you're doing.

Is this getting me the result that I want?

Do I want to shift or change or start or stop something else?

What do I need to let go of?

What do I need to reframe?

What do I need to think of in a different way so that I can make this work for me because I can't change it and then getting up and doing it again differently.

So find that space for yourself and then you will be able to create the change that you want in your life.

Where can people find you, work with you, buy your books, all that good stuff?

The easiest thing is my website, Vickery and co.

Com.

There are links to everything.

My social media links are there, my store is there.

We have some cool stuff coming up.

I have an 18amonth membership called the Spark Collective.

If you're looking for short, easy ways to show up for yourself, this is the perfect place to start.

If you're ready to do big work and make big magic in your life, you can check out the Alchemy Incubator.

It's only for 10 people, but it does include two retreats and one of them's in Portugal.

So if you want to go.

And I do retreats.

It's a journey to self retreat and that's the first of many that are going to be all over the world, including Provence.

So maybe when that happens in a few years, you can join us.

Lacey, thank you so much for joining me today.

Heather, I really enjoyed sharing the middle with you.

Thank you so much for having me.

It was a really great conversation.

One of my favorites.