This is from my radio show Get Your Ship Together..,Sharing is caring 😊 we delve into the intricate dynamics of love, particularly focusing on the notion that one need not actively seek love; rather, it is essential to allow love to find you. We explore the significance of self-reflection and personal healing as prerequisites for attracting genuine affection. The dialogue emphasizes the importance of recognizing one’s own wholeness and peace, positing that true love is drawn to individuals who are complete within themselves. We also address the critical distinction between dating with intention versus by default, as the latter often leads to unfulfilling connections. Ultimately, our conversation seeks to empower listeners to embrace their individuality while preparing themselves for meaningful relationships.

*this is from a radio show so it has music.. I do not own rights to any of the music played in this episode

Attention is expensive to pay I can't get by on minimum wage Been dealing with this venomous rage It's Thursday Since I was under the age I've been under the influence yes.

Happy Thursday, everyone.

It is noon Central time.

You are listening to get your ship together with Tamela Shaw on Cream City Connection Radio.

And if you always listen to us on Thursdays, then you know it is the ladies takeover.

You get the women DJs all day.

Today we're going to start off with me, Tamela Shaw with Get your ship together at noon Central time.

And then you'll get DJ Key Ivy Keys Carousel of Music at 6pm and then I come back with Mellow Moods at 9pm so stick and stay with us all day.

Okay?

All right.

So today.

Oh, we're going to continue on from last week.

Last week, we talked about all things relationships, Right?

Well, today I want to talk to the singles, and we're going to talk about how you don't have to go out here and look for love.

We're going to make sure that it finds you okay, and then we're going to let you know what to do during the weight of finding love.

And finally, we're going to talk about when you're in this relationship.

Are you.

Are you dating by default or with intention?

All right, let this play out, and then we are going to come back and talk about this.

So make sure you go ahead and get your paper, your pen, your water, whatever it is that you need to be able to stick with me for about an hour.

We ain't gonna keep you long.

All right, I'll be back.

All right?

She don't need nobody.

We all need somebody.

But it doesn't have to be all the time, right?

Okay.

So if you want to be a part of the conversation, or I may have a little bit of time at the end to play a little music for you, just hit me at 9-86-27-32-628.

And whatever I can't get in this hour again.

We on all day, y'.

All.

I can get it in later on, so let me know.

Okay?

So there are so many people that spend years searching for love, whether they are scrolling, hoping, or chasing, trying to make something or someone fit in their lives that probably was never supposed to be there.

But let's say this.

What if love is something you're not supposed to look for?

What if it's something that's supposed to find you and it finds you when you're ready to receive it?

Okay.

What would it look like if you looked within, found your past hurts, gave them a name?

Because, of course you can heal a thing when you name a thing, then you get rid of it.

Put those things to the side, right?

How do we.

How do we say what we tell the devil?

Get behind thee, get behind the trauma.

And then you might be ready and be open to finding love.

Because first you have to become whole.

Okay?

So when we are out here chasing love, it's usually because of fear.

Think about it.

I think I have to have him.

I need him.

I gotta have her.

She's gone.

You know, she's gonna be good in my life.

Hmm.

If you're chasing and not allowing it to just be, it could be because of fear.

Fear of being alone.

Fear of missing out.

Fear of maybe time running out.

You know, we're getting older, but I want us to remember that fear is false evidence appearing real.

Okay?

But when real love arrives, it is healthy and it will last.

Okay, Now I'm gonna play another song real quick, and then we gonna get into this a little bit more.

Okay?

Now don't forget, we are not chasing love.

We are allowing love to find us.

But right now, we are trying to find these past hurts so that we can crucify them.

All right, Self.

Cleo Soul.

Save me.

Save me from myself.

Just.

Jay, we need to save you from yourself.

Okay?

I'll never lose myself without changing myself to be inside.

Turning her into peace.

Lead with my.

All right, that was Self by Cleo Soul.

So again, we're talking about love and chasing love being when you're fearful, false evidence appearing real.

But when real love arrives, it's healthy, peaceful, and it lasts.

Love does not respond to fear.

It responds to peace.

It's drawn to wholeness.

Healthy relationships are two people coming together.

Not two halves completing each other, but two whole people, right?

So it's like this, an example.

If you take two oranges and you cut them in half, you take half from one, half from the other, and you try to put them together.

It does not matter how much you squeeze those two halves together, they are not going to stick and ever be one whole orange, it's not going to happen.

So if you take it and you keep pushing and pushing and pushing, the only thing that you're doing is making a mess.

You got orange juice everywhere.

Okay?

So same thing.

Two people, they both have to be whole on their own.

Nobody is trying to fill the gaps in the other person.

Okay?

So instead of asking yourself, where is my person?

Because we do like God, I've been waiting.

Where is my person?

Start asking, who am I becoming while I wait?

Am I loving me the way that I want to be loved?

Is my life in a place where my whole.

Where I'm whole and at peace?

Am I whole and at peace?

Because that's the only way that you're going to be able to recognize someone else that's whole and at peace.

Remember, we attract what we are.

So if you are not whole and you don't have peace within you, how can you attract that?

Okay, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have some peace within.

So the waiting season is not punishment.

It's preparation.

It's where you heal from what hurt you in the past, whether it's past relationships, childhood traumas, whatever it is that that's your time to heal instead of searching for someone else to fill those gaps or to make you feel better.

Did you grow up seeing what healthy relationships look like?

Were you taught to have healthy disagreements?

Ask yourself these questions.

Write them down.

Because if the answer is no, those are the things that you need to be working on in your weight.

So after you heal what hurt you, then you learn to love yourself.

Learn to love yourself deeply, intentionally.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and said, I love you?

You can't tell people you know that.

Your family, your kids, your uncle.

Some people never tell their family that they love them.

But have you told yourself that you love you?

Get a mirror right now.

Purse on your desk.

Go to the bathroom, stand in the mirror, truly look into your eyes.

I love you.

And See how that feels.

If it feels strange, you got some work to do, but it might warm your heart.

And then you know, you can start building a life that feels good when you do your work because at that point you will be able to have peace in your life and love your life whether or not someone is standing next to you.

So the bottom line is be sure that in your weight, you are working on you, you are reflecting, you are forgiving things that happened in your past.

You are finding the joy in your own company.

You get busy living and not longing.

We are human and humans are meant to be together, right?

We are.

We're supposed to have companionship.

However, in the time of wait, it's okay to be lonely because you're human and we're supposed to have companionship.

Okay?

So it's.

But it's worth the wait to be able to find that person, not find, attract that person that is for you.

It's going to feel amazing and it's gonna feel so much better than having that'll do lay next to you.

I said it.

Don't just, don't just take anything.

Work on you so that you can attract who's for you and you can find that real love.

We all love us.

You went through and though we made it through the storm I really want you to realize I really want to put you on I've been searching for someone to satisfy my every need Won't you be my inspiration?

Be the real love that I need Real love Searching for a real love Someone said my heart re searching for a real life O when I met you I just knew that you would take my heart and run so you told me how you love on me you said I'm not the one so I slowly came to see all of the things that you are made of and now I hope my dreams and inspirations lead me to ones I'm free love I'm searching for a real love Someone set my heart be real love I working for I realize I got to have a real love so true baby I thought you were the answer to the question in my mind but it seems that I was.

You are listening to get your Ship Together All Things Relationships with Tamela Shaw on Cream City Connection Radio.

So now that we've talked about the things that you need to do in order to make yourself whole, we're going to learn how to love ourselves, right?

How to be into ourselves.

So know that you are more fulfilled and peaceful within yourself when you've worked on yourself.

And when that happens, you become so much more charismatic and your energy is bigger and brighter and more positive.

Mm.

You stop needing love to complete you because you.

And really, it's your love for you completing you.

And before you know it, love recognizes you with your worthy self, right?

Because you are now attracting something different because you've done the work.

All right, so as I said earlier, a healthier relationship is two whole people that are complete within themselves choosing to walk together not in desperation, not in fear, but in peace.

So I know on here, I've talked about the flashlight before, but the flat.

This is your flashlight moment.

You should be your own source of peace, joy, and validation.

A mate does not complete you.

They add to you.

What's that song by?

Let us see.

How you gonna add to me?

That's what it is.

It's like extra credit.

So you are 100% all by yourself.

Okay, you got an A already.

But when you bring somebody into your life and you accept them and you guys are choosing to walk together, it's like having extra credit.

Next.

Next thing you know, it's like 100%, 150%, right?

Because they are adding to you because you are already whole by yourself.

They complement the life that you've already built.

You already dope.

They don't have to replace any parts that you're missing because you've already done that and you'll continue to do it.

It's just like in reparenting the things that your parents couldn't do for you, you can do for yourself.

You can feel those places all by yourself.

So you don't have to chase.

You don't have to force relationships.

So stop chasing, stop forcing.

Just live.

Live your best life.

We are human beings, so sometimes you have to take time to just love yourself.

And when all of this is happening, stay open to love.

Keep your heart open, keep your conscience open.

To receiving love.

To receiving that mate.

But while you're open to receiving, you're still living.

You're going places, you're looking cute, you're smiling big.

Being nice to people.

Sometimes you're so nice to people, they don't even understand why she's so nice, why he's so.

Why is he smiling so much?

Because you are whole all by yourself.

You don't need all that extra.

Okay, so because love, real love, doesn't come to fix your brokenness, you know what it does?

It comes to match your wholeness.

Some Say that again.

Real love does not come to fix your brokenness.

It comes to match your wholeness.

And when you become whole, you can sit back and look at yourself and do all the things that your cute little self want to do.

And then you can throw yourself a private party.

You don't need nobody else there but.

You I'm having a private party Ain't nobody here but me My angels and my guitar singing Baby, look how far we've come yeah I'm having a private party Learning how to love me Celebrating the woman I've become yeah I tried to call my mother but she didn't get where I was going I called my boyfriend and said call me back a little late, baby I hung up the phone I felt so low Started to feel a little pity that's when I realized that I gotta find the joy inside of me yeah I'm having a private party Ain't nobody here but me My angels and my guitar singing Baby look how far we've come here I'm having a private party Learning how to love of me Celebrating the woman I've become yeah I'm gonna take off all my clothes look at myself in the mirror we're gonna have a conversation we're gonna heal the disconnection I don't remember when it started but this is where it's gonna end My body is beautiful and sacred and I'm gonna celebrate it I'm having a private party Ain't nobody here but me My angels and my guitar singing Baby look how far we've come here I'm having a private party Learning how to love me Celebrating the woman I become yeah all my life I've been looking for somebody else to make me go But I had to learn the hard way True love begins with me this is not ego of vanity I'm just celebrating me.

Nobody.

Here but me My angels and my guitar singing.

You know this song.

I literally play it every year for my birthday.

Because when you take that cycle around the sun, oh my goodness.

You sit back and you wonder where.

Where was I?

Where am I?

Where am I going?

But I'm gonna tell you when you sit back and truly look at yourself.

I mean, she's saying it.

You have to heal the disconnection, right?

So what better time to do it is when you have a wonderful birthday in order to celebrate and see where you are.

And then she got this in it too.

So, you know, you can hit that.

You can hit that reset button at any time.

I'm sorry.

That was my Favorite part.

Ah.

To the woman that I've become.

So y' all say it.

To the man that I've become.

Oh, my goodness, yes.

Celebrate you.

That's what it's about.

You don't need nobody to complete you.

You are fantastic all by yourself.

Sometimes it takes a little work, but you can get there.

Okay.

All right.

So hope that you guys are taking notes if you have any questions.

So wholeness is also needed.

Timing is another thing that's needed.

So wholeness and timing is essential.

So you have people that dated in the past.

They may not have been who they were supposed to be at the time.

Right?

So you two may have gotten together too early.

Hmm.

So let's say you got a couple, they dated or got married, and then it didn't work.

You separate, you go on your own.

And you've gotten to the point where it's like, I want to attract.

I want to attract my mate.

So you do all the things that you need to do.

You've become your cute little whole self.

And then you happen to find each other again when it was the right time.

Mmm.

Okay, that was a timing issue.

And now you've grown to be whole.

So that can happen.

I know somebody that it actually happened to.

I know a couple people, actually.

But, you know, I got one on my mind right now.

When you bring it back around and it's the right time and you're whole in your cute little self, it can be a beautiful thing.

It brings peace, it brings love.

It brings joy.

And that can happen when you are not forcing two halves to be a whole.

But just know when love finds you, it is never too late.

Because love is always on time.

And it's always going to hit you in your newness.

So here's newness by New edition.

Look at you.

More beautiful than ever.

Yeah, yeah.

Did I stay away too long?

Have we grown apart?

Are we still cool?

Huh?

Crazy the ideas I've been thinking every minute Cuz I miss you now you look more beautiful than the day I first met you Guess your love keeps going up but it always feels younger I see see your face and everything's new again Love till the end starts over again Just like the first time over and over feels like the first time Every time I hold you I go back to the beginning but remember when we train our girls kissing I.

See your face and the vibe is sexy Come take a picture with paparazzi.

And I'll Be feeling all your hips all over again and again and if.

You ask I'mma take it to the kitchen on a sinking strip Keep you feeling like you like loving the relationship and I think I'mma love you to the end Starts up again We've been best friends but then that's how it's.

Always been Like a classic sh.

Class feel so sweet and so smooth girl, I appreciate you baby days and everything's new again until the end starts over again Just like the first time Just like the first time Feels like the first time Every time I hold you I go back to the beginning Remember when we choose in our first kisses Fell in love with you the feeling doesn't change the new stays the same Just like the first time.

All right, you know, I gotta get some nerd in there.

Hope y' all gonna be able to hit one of those concerts that they got coming up.

It's gonna be fantastic.

Ne Toni Braxton and Boys to Men.

Oh, my goodness.

This is gonna be the bomb dot com.

All right, so we've talked about that you should try to be found, right?

We're not looking.

We are attracting.

Right?

They're going to come to you.

We are looking to be complete because whomever you are with, they're adding to you because you are already whole and complete all by yourself.

So now we're going to talk about the weight.

So we're going to acknowledge and not avoid the loneliness.

Loneliness is not weakness.

It's a signal that you crave connection, which is a part of being human.

Name the feeling.

I'm lonely right now, and that's okay.

Don't feel that space with distractions scrolling on Instagram and looking at the different people that you don't need to be looking at, watching tv, watching these crazy shows that's out here and not being, you know, productive.

Don't go just hooking up with anybody, just.

Just to be hooking up.

And don't go out here spending your money, right?

You know, we get lonely.

We want to go buy things.

Oh, that person is really cute.

Oh, that suit.

I gotta go.

No, don't make bad habits distracting yourself from being lonely.

Sit in the feeling and reassure yourself that even in this loneliness, I am okay.

All right.

Rename your singleness.

Shift your mindset from waiting for someone to becoming someone.

This is your season of preparation, not punishment.

Use this time to explore your purpose, grow emotionally, and learn what healthy love looks like.

I promise you, most people don't know what it even looks looks like, and it's not Perfect.

But it definitely.

It takes work, but it's doable.

Remind yourself I'm not missing out.

I'm being made ready.

You getting ready?

Getting ready.

Cranes in the sky Solange.

That's right.

You can't do all them crazy.

Can't sex it away and all of that.

Find yourself some good stuff to do while you're waiting.

I tried to drink it away I tried to put one in the air I tried to dance it away I tried to change it with my hair I wear my credit card below Thought a new dress would make it better I tried to work it away but that just made me even sadder I tried to keep myself busy I ran around in circles Think I make myself dizzy I slipped it away a sexy little away I read it away away away away away away away away away away away away well, it grace in the sky Sometimes I don't want to feel those it's like crazy in the sky Sometimes I don't want to feel those I tried to run it away Thought in my head be feeling clearer I traveled seven these days Thought moving around make me feel better I tried to let go my love Then maybe I could break to write it away I'll cry it away don't you cry Bab away away away away away.

Away.

But it's like craz in the sky Sometimes I don't want to feel those metal yeah, it's like crazy in the sky Sometimes I don't want to to film us.

All right.

Cranes in the sky I love it.

So you got to find some healthy habits, healthy things to do during your weight.

So now I want you to think about different forms of love, different people to give love to while you're waiting for you to attract this beautiful person that's going to add to your life.

Love is not limited to romance.

Invest in your friends that nurture you.

Reconnect with family or your community.

Volunteer work is big.

Service heals loneliness, right?

Go.

Be of service.

Be of service.

Right.

We are all servants.

That's what we're supposed to be.

So go out here and mentor someone.

Volunteer at some organization that need you.

Pour love into yourself.

Mm.

That's right.

Date yourself.

Treat yourself.

Because who better to know what you want other than you?

And when you start treating you like you want to be treated, you will not accept less from anyone else.

Speak kindly to yourself.

Be good to you.

Strengthen your spiritual connection, whether it be prayer, meditation, spending time in nature.

Ground yourself in God.

Or as some people say, a higher power.

I say God.

That's going to bring you some peace.

Psalms 34.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

And God knows he can comfort you.

Right.

Oh, my goodness.

In those times of sorrow or depression or anxiety, you know, when you're anxious, go to God.

He will calm all the things.

Talk to him.

He's there to listen.

Get it off your chest.

Hand it to him.

Create a quiet ritual just for you.

If you have cards or piece of paper and a pen where you want to do.

Morning gratitude, Evening reflections.

Things that you did right.

Things that you want to do different.

What is it that you want to say yes to right now?

Things that remind you that you're never truly alone.

You're not.

You're not alone.

Challenge the stories in your mind that affirm you.

Loneliness will always whisper he like the devil.

Get.

Get behind thee.

All right.

Get away from me.

Demand it to go away.

Those lonely that lonely whisper will tell you that nobody wants you.

Everyone else is happy.

But I'm not.

Something must be wrong with me.

Maybe I need to be different.

No, you don't.

No.

Just gotta find the right person for you.

All right.

Me, myself and I Beyonce.

Everything is cool between us, B. I told you that.

Be out on the road with my people.

Just doing what I gotta do.

Shotgun.

Going on this shit we going on.

Got the truck.

Trust me, Ma.

I can't believe I believe everything we have will last.

So young and naive to think she was from your past Silly a me to dream of one day having your kids.

Love is so blind it feels right when it's wrong I can't believe I felt before your schemes I'm smarter than that to believe that with me you're a change man Foolish me to compete when you cheat Will it took me some time but now I'm gone Because I realize I got myself or not that's all I got that's what I found out and it ain't no need to cry I took a bow that from now on I'm gonna be my own best friend Me, myself and I that's all I got in the end that's what I found out and it ain't no need to cry I think about that from now on I'm gonna be my own best friend controlling you say that you love me but you don't your family told me one day one day I would see it on my own Next thing I know I'm dealing with the three kids in my own.

Love is so blind it feels right when it's wrong now that it's over.

Stop calling me.

Come pick up your clothes and you need to front like you're still with me all your home Even your very best friend Tried to warn me on the low Took me some time but now I am strong Because I realize I got myself tonight.

That'S right, Ain't no need to cry Be your own best friend.

Take myself out, kick it with me Feed me all the things.

So what I want you to do is.

We were talking about affirming yourself.

So replace.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone is happy but me.

I may need to be different.

Replace those things with I am worthy of love in every season.

This is a chapter, not a whole story.

It's just a chapter.

And it's not a bad chapter.

Yo, like, seriously, single don't mean that you're depressed.

You just have to do.

You know?

Do you.

Nothing wrong with that.

It's a chapter, not your whole story.

Try journaling affirmations or gratitude list daily.

Start a why I am worthy list.

This is why I'm worthy.

And when that little voice creeps in, you pull out your list.

Keep it in your purse, your pocket, your wallet, wherever.

So when that creeps in, you can pull it out and say, this is why I'm worthy.

Nobody that has been worthy has wanted me thus far or has valued me thus far.

Because a lot of people can want you, it doesn't mean they're going to value you.

Okay, all right.

Create meaningful moments.

Don't wait for your partner to enjoy life.

Get out there and enjoy it intentionally.

Go to dinner.

Travel.

Go to a movie solo.

Dolo.

Get your bucket list out.

Start checking things off.

If you want to take a class, go down to Hobby lobby or.

Or what is it Home Depot?

Take a class.

Go learn how to build a wall or something.

Do something to fill the time.

Do something new.

Get yourself some skills that excite you.

Learn how to draw or something.

Right.

Build emotional resilience.

Develop coping habits that will fill you up when the loneliness sets in.

Ten minutes of mindful breathing meditation.

Play some uplifting music.

Uplifting.

Do not play sad music when you are sad.

It will make you cry.

Do the opposite.

Lift yourself up.

Go listen to a funny podcast.

Or you can go check out last week's get your ship together on the codependent me podcast.

Because a lot of people ask me about it, and so I placed it on there.

So if you want to hear all the things we talked about last week, all things relationships, go check it out.

The Codependent me podcast by Tamela Shaw.

All Right.

Journal.

Whatever you're grateful about.

Or call.

Call a good friend.

Call a good cousin or a good sister.

That'll pull you out.

Let you know that you're worthy.

Let you know.

Let you know how much they love you.

All right?

Okay.

Affirm for lonely moments.

I am whole even though I'm by myself.

God is preparing someone who matches my growth.

My peace and joy are not dependent on another person.

I am surrounded by love in many forms.

Okay.

All right.

And when you're ready to date, that's when you're going to need to know whether you're going to date with intention or by default.

I want you around Snow Allegro.

It'S not that I don't want you here it's something about the way you stand Stare into my eyes I know that I don't make things clear I fall for you every time I try to resist you we can get away Palm trees, beach fus Ordinary day All I want to hear is in the visions on replay Sit right next to you you I try not to show how I feel about you Thinking wish away but we don't really want to I just want to get away and sit right next to you you.

I don't.

Want to kiss you yeah I just wanna feel you Feel you I want you around I want you round I want you round I want you around Come through I think I need you.

Here.

I swear it's hard to keep these feelings to myself now you're the one I'm thinking of My higher grandma Rocket Love gravity I rather stay Stay up here but we can get away Palm trees, beach FS Ordinary day All I want to hear is in the visions I replay Sit right next to you you I try not to show how I feel about you Thinking wish away but we don't really want to I just want to get away and sit right next to you.

I don't.

Want to kiss you yeah I just wanna feel you Feel you I want you.

When it's the right person.

You definitely want them around all right.

Public service announcement.

You are whole.

You are waiting well, doing your thing.

And now you are out here and people are attracting and being and doing.

Do not think that the first person that you date will end up being wifey.

Don't feel like the third person that you go out with.

Oh, my goodness, that's my husband.

Because when you are dating with intention, it doesn't happen that way.

Ah, no, I'm not gonna say it won't be the first person, but nine times out of ten like, you gotta figure some things out.

Okay, so.

But figuring out if you are dating with intention or not and not by default, it can help your process and you might be able to narrow it down faster.

Now, you may have to date a couple people, but you won't be dating them for long because you're gonna do it with intention.

What is dating by default?

Dating by default is when you are just with someone to fill a void.

You're saying yes to this person because they showed some interest, not because you truly want to be with them and grow with them.

They might be.

It's the.

That'll do.

Remember I talked about that earlier?

I'm a little bit lonely right now.

They'll do.

Oh, that'll do.

Going with the flow and hoping that it turns into something.

Well, maybe, you know, if he gets that promotion, then maybe we'll be able to do well.

Maybe if he moves and does this, then mate will.

Well, maybe if he gets this house.

Or maybe you have to be okay with the person with who they are today because there's no guarantee that things will change.

Okay?

So by default is confusing attention with compatibility.

Ignoring red flags because something is better than nothing.

Staying in situations too long because you fear of starting over.

That's that.

False evidence appearing real.

Letting attraction override alignment.

Oh, girl, he's so fine.

I know he ain't got no job, no benefits, ain't doing it, but oh, I love to look at him.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, man, have you seen the booty on that girl?

I mean, I know she got 17 kids.

It don't matter default.

We don't have a lot to talk about.

But he cute.

Allowing loneliness or pressure to make the choices.

Man, we gotta go to this wedding.

I mean, I'm.

I'm gonna go and take her to Gerald's wedding.

You know, I just stuck with her because I want to go by myself.

Don't do that.

That's not cool.

That's not cool at all.

But when you find somebody that you want to build and date with intention, that newness is going to be beautiful.

Newness by music Soul Child.

Hey, girl, how you doing?

Hey, what's up?

Do you feel like talking or do.

You need me to call you back?

You from round?

What's twin?

When's your birthday?

What's your zodiac sign?

Well, I'm a Virgo, so my sign's compatible.

We gonna get along just fine.

Yeah.

What you do for fun?

I don't drink a club.

I just like to chill with somebody like you.

Yeah, it's cool yeah, love is all right Cause you're learning me I'm learning you?

Yes girl you love is all brand new yeah, yeah.

I'm learning you what type of work you do.

Are you still in school?

Do you have any kids?

If I did what now?

If you did, it's all right.

See I'm the type that don't mind Cuz I can understand and things happen sometimes.

By the way, I'm wondering, are you.

Cool with your family?

Cuz I would like to meet your parents someday.

Let's hang out this weekend.

Maybe we can begin something wonderful and beautiful.

Everything is cool is girl, it's so.

Cool talking with you.

It gets better every moment I spend.

Isn't that beautiful?

You match what he likes.

That's it.

Yes.

It's been so cool talking to you.

You really learning each other.

Enjoying each other, being clear on your goals.

You like doing the same things.

Oh, you got that chemistry.

Oh, man.

Well, you got that connection and the chemistry.

Oh, my goodness.

Anyway, okay, so let's finish up.

Dating by default.

When you date by default and you really don't, that person does not match your values.

You have disappointment, you're drained.

Or you may even feel stuck.

Nah, just go and get on out of that thing and go find somebody to date with intention.

All right.

So when you are dating with intention, you've done the work, you are whole, you're complete, you've dated yourself, you know what you want, and now you can reflect that in the relationship.

What does it look like?

I'm glad you asked.

It looks like being clear about your relationship goals, you know how to communicate it.

You can you communicate okay, what you're looking for.

Like, is it long term, is it casual?

Are you just exploring?

So choosing based on values.

If you have the same values, your character, you know, you guys mesh, your lifestyle aligns.

That's beautiful.

Take time to learn who someone really is before investing deeply.

Setting and communicating boundaries early.

Setting and communicating.

Because if you set them and the person don't know, it doesn't matter.

Setting and communicating boundaries early.

Walking away quickly when behavior does not match the words.

If they tell you they're gonna do something and that thing is important to you or it's essential to being with you and they don't.

They don't do it.

Get on out of there.

You're not going to change.

They are who they are and let them be that.

It's okay.

It just means that you're not a great match.

That's the other thing.

When you date just because it didn't work out.

It doesn't make either one of you bad.

It just means that you guys are not compatible.

And that's okay.

But when you date with intention, you are truly allowing real connection to form.

And it's not just chemistry.

Okay, so the results, you are dating slower, responding, smarter, communicating, building relationships that actually support the future that you want.

That is big.

Okay, so questions to move toward intention, ask yourself this before dating someone.

Do they match who I want?

I mean, who I say I want?

You know, you.

You got your list.

Pull your list out.

Do they match who I want?

Not who they will become, but who they are today?

Do they match that?

Do I feel peaceful or anxious after interacting with them?

Is this connection mutual?

In effort and in interest?

Like, is he or she into it?

Are they working toward the relationship as hard as you are?

In effort and in interest?

Are my boundaries being respected?

Can our lives fit together long term?

If you have more no's and yeses, that's your guide.

Okay, you've gotten your answer.

Now you just got to make the move.

Do what you do.

But the bottom line is default dating is reactive.

Intentional dating is proactive.

And when you choose with clarity, you honor your heart and you protect your peace.

And the person that is in your life just might be a beautiful surprise.

That's my time, y'.

All.

It has been a wonderful hour.

I hope that I have given you some wonderful tips, but this ship has sailed.

And I have truly, truly enjoyed being with you guys.

Be sure to come back at 6pm DJ K Ivy, and then back at 9.

I'll be here.

Enjoy your day.

God bless.

Now today you're always on my mind.

I never could have predicted that I'd feel this way.

You are a beautiful surprise.

Intoxicated every time I hear your voice You've gotten me on a natural high.

It's almost like I didn't even have a choice.

You are a beautiful surprise.

Whatever it is that you came to teach me, I am here to learn it.

Cause I believe that we are written in the star.

I don't know what the future holds but I'm living in the moment And I'm thankful for the man that you are.

You are, you are you are you you are everything I ask for in my prayer So I know my angels brought you to my life.

Your energy is healing to my soul.

You are a beautiful surprise.

You are, are inspiration to my life.

You are the reason why I smile.

You are a beautiful surprise.